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the changes from one of these journal entries to another amazes me
I have a stressful life but it is an amazingly happy one
things that appear to bother me and past journal entries stating such things are really rather irrelevant, yes they may have bothered me a little but arent something I have held onto for an extreme sense of time.
I nearly broke my foot it hurts
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Bad confronting challenging emotionally draining day today.
Sometimes you want to stick your head in the sand and forget no matter how unhealthy that may be.
If I was into using crutches today is the day I would have a drink.
I will remember that regardless of all the bad things I have gone through or go through I will look at my precious daughter daily and say I am blessed because I am.
Thats all on the rella front today :)
Remember to smile at someone daily, you just may end up with a friend for life I certainly did.
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All that was once Rella has gone, all
that I was is dead, all that you liked so much you could love me but
kept you from me has been removed. I hope it makes you happy.
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Of all the places in the world,
my favourite place to be,
my Masters lap, my perfect chair,
Content, just Him and me.
He speaks the words, "come here my pet"
Hearing them i rise,
my face aglow, lit by love,
Reflected in my eyes.
i nestle into this safe place,
The seat of my desire,
His gentle touch as i sit there
Rekindles passion's fire.
Sheltered in His strong embrace,
my thoughts with Him i share,
Leaning back to fix my gaze,
On His symbol that i wear.
Should the world come down on me,
And make me fall apart,
i'll seek the seat where i am safe,
And where I found my heart.
My Master's lap, my perfect chair,
The place i yearn to be,
Of all the places in the world,
The perfect place for me.
copyright sinamin {R} 1999
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I just noticed that someone I once was speaking to viewed my profile last night, its strange that even that simple act can spark a little hope.. But no I will be the cold hearted level headed bitch I have become.. Because you really can't trust anyone. Plus I would be disrespecting the new if I pined over the old.
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Time for a rella vent because that would be unusual muahahahahaha
So I speak to lots of people online, it is what I do.. Sometimes to get to know them to see if
we click, sometimes because they are just
great people who become great friends. For example Daddy is an amazing Man and a great person by Daddy I mean Daddy In Melb. A wonderful Man and my friend *smiles big*.
So I was talking to this "Dominant" in the getting to know you type way and he disappeared which actually didn't bother me all that much. I wasn't that into him or what he offered. However, this morning I logged into CM and his new journal entry was up saying how perhaps there are good slaves in Australia but he hasn't sparked with anyone (which is honest and all good in my opinon).. then went on to say how its as hard for Doms to weedle out the fakes as it is for the submissives. Well seriously, he isn't even man enough to say when he isn't interested he just disappears..
Anyway, perhaps I am just a bitch..
Oh by the way I am one happy babygirl, I have started talking to One and He is wonderful fingers crossed we connect as well when we meet as we do now *smiles big* and Hes furkin hot I want to hump his leg alot...
:D
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The things you can learn by just conversing with people, just for a standard phone call where all that people hide slides away and you are faced with the reality and not the fantasy.
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What the heck is wrong with people. Just because you are older than myself or just because you dont think anyone on this site will have the same life goals as me doesn't mean you have the right to tell me I more than likely won't find what I seek..
fyi a profile is a mere glimpse of the person and therefore judgments should not and can not be made on that alone..
How many people truly need to tell me what is wrong about me when they don't know me..
If I was one for swearing I would tell people where to go instead of being polite.
growls |
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Because Its my journal and I can.
there is more to a slave than her fuckholes (amazing I know)
I want children again if possible so chances are if you are in your sixties you are not suited to me.
I am not unintelligent or naieve so I really won't fall for the bullshit alot of you so called
Doms spin on here.
I am not a whore, or a slut except when I am owned then I am his whore, his slut and so on.
Demanding that I message you will only get
you ignored.
oh and Im tired of the games people play and I will no longer partake or enable people to play them.
bye :) |
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Some people really really make me laugh.. Theres a profile around and the guy lists what he hates in the BDSM sense.. and other things.. He hates wicca, vampirism and so on.. It is strange to me that someone who is D/s orientated can be so intolerant of other groups that aren't the societal norm..
As far as I am concerned we should be tolerant and respectful of these other cultures as we can understand what it means to have something different about yourself and your interests..
Anyway,
rella is as fiesty as ever.. |
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I am tired today, really really tired.. I went and saw my friend today and I fell asleep there.. I could sleep now really I could..
I was depressed and sad last night.. Sometimes I have to wonder is honesty the best policy..
Oh sleep I need sleep Id give up sex for sleep lol not that I have sex |
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No wonder I get so depressed.
Alright I know some awesome Dominants and many of them are my great friends.. My ex Shane is a fantastic Dom.. EMDS and Daddy awesome Dominants.. And they are all great Men.
But we all know I desire to be Owned, what little slavegirl doesn't.. The Ones I meet who want to own a girl are pretty bloody clueless.
There is more to slaves than their fuckholes Men of this world, and if you perhaps began to understand this you might actually meet a slavegirl worth something and not a nilla girl bottoming so that she gets her wants, needs and desires met..
as a side note none of the Men above are in the category of my vent..
rella |
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For all the problems for all the hardships I still smile more than I frown, I still laugh more than I cry.
My daughter is tripping me out though within six months she went from a little girl to a girl struggling to understand why she is changing both physically and emotionally. It was a most heart wrenching day when she was lying on her bed sobbing because she can no longer be herself anymore.. Got to love puberty.
Im really not ready for my nine year old girl to be all grown up that is for sure.
Have I totally lost faith in Men no not totally, maybe I've only lost faith in Dominants. :D lol j/k |
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An update kinda...
I no longer live alone anymore, one of my slave sisters moved in with me.. It works really really well..
My father is still ill, but that isn't going to change afterall he has parkinsons. He doesn't walk at all really now.. not well
I live in a state of confusion and I really want to walk away from it all and become a hermit :)
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*grins* I am a happy little fuckpup at the moment. Life is still pretty sucky but perhaps I'm being more relaxed about the twists and turns and downs that my life is.
Perhaps its because my Shrew Wife and Cyber Hubby love me so :D
~giggles~
Perhaps it's because of T :D |
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Why write this because I want to.. I get miserable and down who doesn't.. I feel lost who doesn't.. I am not complaining but my life hasn't been the easiest of late and it's not showing any sign of changing.. I worry about putting my faith in things because I fear disappointment and sadness. It's a fault I have and I am well aware of how annoying it is. I know people feel as though I am dooming them or anything we may have before anything even starts. I don't want to be this way but can't seem to change it either. Do I want to be happy, yes and do I want to meet the One who wants me forever and wants to make my dreams come true as I make His, yes.
I don't think it's easily found, though I hope I am close to it. I need to learn to open up to say what I'm thinking instead of leaving people guessing what my riddles mean.
Enough of my introspection. |
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psst rella got her brothers girlfriend a little drunk last night *chuckles* it was funny to watch. ~evil grin~ |
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~smiles~ rella had a great day, it was my littleone's 9th Birthday.. it's amazing how quickly those 9 years have flown.. a great time with family and friends was had.. god bless my barbeque that Sir Shane bought me.. grins as my brother says it's couta..
Anyway, I am sleepy so I'm going.
~bounces out~ |
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Obviously I am nothing and obviously I mean very little |
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I want that moment when I'm holding the hand of my One and can't see where my fingers begin and where His does.
I want magic.
I want to feel like im home when looking in His eyes.
~nods~
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Can you feel the warmth creeping up your body and then reaching within your very centre and making you glow from the inside out.
Can you hear His voice calling You and the need to kneel at His feet.
~smiles and dashes off looking at the clock awaiting patiently~ |
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Just so you know my last post about it rearing its head again wasn't about love or hurt from anyone in my past *nods*.. It was about something entirely different |
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I think it's gone and then it rears it's head again
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It is so hard to be a submissive and not serve
scoots off again |
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trust, something I have issue with *nods* |
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I'm better today , hormones I tell you
and psst Holden Im not gonna knock myself off the thought of You raising my daughter is scarier than my depression could ever be
*giggles and runs off*
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I'm never going to be happy, something is always going to step in and fuck up any chances I have. |
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*grumbles* thats all I have to say |
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Another big weekend, but big weekends are good weekends... On another note Im not a really happy girl at the moment.. Maybe Im destined never to be so.. All my happiness is fleeting as in I can feel general happiness but not constant happiness.. Well actually I do feel constant happiness when with my daughter but that is the only time..
Anyway, enough of my rambling
A |
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I am so so very exhausted. Big, big weekend. Busy day with my daughter Saturday, and then Saturday night after she went to her fathers, I got ready to go to a D/S club. It was interesting, but quite fun. I went home early though but ended up watching a movie, so I was still up late.
I enjoyed the club but I don't think I'll go again.
Michaela came home in the worse mood and pretty much has cried all day long
anyway I'm out
oh one more thing I miss V |
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Here I was feeling lost and really thinking I'll never find another and especially One who will want me as much as I want them. ( in a non sexual fashion, if I wanted sex, that I can get without a hassle, love is harder to find.)
Perhaps, I have found One, but then time will show that, and I forever doubt relationships and myself finding eternal happiness,
Wish me luck
I don't think I can take another heartbreak |
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Life can really throw you for a loop sometimes, I was just reading my last journal entry. What a change my life has taken since then.
Anyway
bye to whoever reads my ramblings
btw Dominants from India not interested not relocating and leaving my family for no one, you just wouldn't be that important to me. Got the message??
*smiles sweetly and dashes off* |
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*smiles* I've been so stressed lately with my father being in hospital and all thats occuring with Him, and other troubles, that I've been having constant headaches. It seems to be lifting a little not a lot just a little. And this is the first day in awhile that I have awoken with a positive feeling... it's nice.
I'm all better *s* well some of the flus still here but mostly its gone, and Master isn't sick anymore so I'm not worrying about Him either.
life is better
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I have learnt something, I have the right to my emotions and feelings and sometimes to cope with them I write them and that is all well and good but I really shouldn't do it publically so I no longer will. After all it appears as though I am unhappy with my life when I do so but I'm not.. Im very happy with my life my daughter and with my most wonderful Sir. I hope that I can continue to please Him as that is one of my biggest desire.
*bounces out happily*
His littlebell |
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A happy entry today considering my last two have been a bit angsty..
i will admit i can be emotional and i can take things much more to heart than i should and that is where those entries come from.. i write what i'm feeling at that moment it helps me to process it and then move on.
i still very much enjoy the company of my Sir and the time W/we do spend together and i still wish to serve Him.
His littlebell |
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I love the sound of Your voice..
especially when its telling me to bend over *grins* |
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< is a fat chick intelligent and not alone so sumiso can kiss my fat skanky arse whilst he goes in the ignore bin
lmao Arella
<<~~ gives Are a big 65 !!
plus im cool with being fat cause im so darn cute lol
lol Arella
lol see im in fine form and im really only putting them here for memory sake, i had FML in tears and he was on cam at the time lol |
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~points over to the 16 inch buttplug in the corner the thickness of a mans arm*
LMFAO to are
lol yes i know im a cheeky girl lol but they were buttplugging a Domme and i was being naughty
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lol how one of my sissys described me but hey she was joking
WHip Sir... meet Arella.... shes from my City.... a real fuck slut with bewbies to knock Your socks off...
rotflmfao |
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i was having some thoughts so i decided to write them out not for anyones benefit just my own, so i really dont care about anyone reads them or not, i just do this write what i feel.. i am so happy and silly at the moment i know why but tis is strange.. happy and silly because of a email i received when i logged into collarme today ~soft smiles~ girl feels like she used to years and years ago tho im not getting all excited and thinking anything is going anywhere was just happy about getting the email is all.. :) i can feel my submissive side coming out full force and its good i like it :).. yes ok there they are my silly ramblings.. |
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He drove up to their favourite spot and smiled to Himself when He saw her car there, He knew she would be early as she always was to prepare things as well as to prepare herself since her nerves would always be running rampant when she was to see Him again.
He could imagine His girl sitting by the water on a blanket trying to settle down the butterflies that to her would feel like elephants. He got out of the car very careful not to make much noise as today He was in a mood to catch her unaware.
He removed His shoes and quietly made His way down the hill, upon spotting the girl that He loved, He stopped to observe her and smiled. She was sitting with her feet in the water singing one of her favourite songs, He loved seeing her so unhibited when she was on her own because it was rare for her to do so infront of Him not of her own accord anyway.
He reluctantly walked out from His hiding spot to make Himself known, His girl quickly removed herself from the water and kneeled head held high eyes downcast presenting herself to her Master. He as He always does leant down and held her precious face with His hands and delicately kissed her lips before swatting her behind in greeting.. she as always blushed and bit her bottom lip..
He looked back to the blanket laid out under the tree and grinned, lifting His girl to her feet He walks her to the blanket and sits down with His back against the cushions she placed there for His comfort. she instantly kneeled legs wide palms facing upwards eyes downcast but her head held high. He gazed upon the beauty of her submission and smiled and said softly "lilone you always please your Master so, come here and lay next to me my pet". she smiled ever so softly and delicately laid next to her Master and snuggled into His strong arms happy to know that she still pleased her only One.
He was gently running His fingers through her hair when all of a sudden He twisted His fingers in pulled her back to bare her neck to Him and He tasted her sweet flesh, she moaned and He grinned at how she was always responsive to Him no matter what He did.
He turned her face towards His and said softly but strongly "pet take off your clothes now." she rose to her feet and gently took of her dress and laid it back down on the blanket then she kneeled at His feet once again. He stood up and went to the car without a word to her, He returned carrying a bag and placed it infront of it and He requested her to empty it and lay everything infront of her on the blanket. He sat down and watched His girl as she opened the back and brought out the first object rope, He enjoyed the expression on her face a mix of fear and excitement and He enjoyed watching how her nipples automatically tightened. He could smell the scent of her excitement at the prospect of what might happen. she gently removed all that was within the bag and then placed her hands back on her thighs and smiled at Him.
He stood up and walked behind her and ran His nails down her back and chuckled to Himself as she shuddered, leaning down He kissed her forehead and placed a blindfold over her pretty eyes. He then lifted her up and tied rope around one wrist, then another piece around the other end and then He directed her to the tree and tied her arms to either side of the tree. He walked back a little to drink in the beauty of her bound form but decided it wasnt enough so He found some chain and ran it around her waist and the tree itself locking it so that she was unable to move at all. He then leant down and whispered to her open your legs wide pet and dont let Me see them close not even an inch or there will be consequences, she replied in a quiet and almost terrified voice yes Master.
His pet had been wearing His training collar for 6 months now and He found her to be all that He ever desired in a submissive always willing to learn never questioning His lessons tho He knows if they were against her moral fibre He would no longer be dealing with a meek kitten she would be an angry and fiery tiger.
He had made His decision that it was time for the girl, His girl to have His full collar but of course He was going to place it around her precious neck in His way as only He would. He picked up the flogger and ran it down her back say now pet how much does girl love her Master, He waits as her voice soft but full of love says more than girl can say my Master, You are my One without You girl is only half of what she should be i adore You.
He grabbed her by the hair and whispered in her ear are you ready my pet, she whispered with a tremor in her voice yes Master, He told her keep your head back like that I want your neck open to me. In a second He ripped of her training collar and watched as delicate tears made there way down His pets beautiful face, her head dropped forward and He growled I said pet keep your head back and so quickly the girl did as she was told.
He leant down to her ear and said this has been a long time coming lilone and grabbed a gold collar engraved with His initials and hers and the date, the kind that had the tiny clasp in the back and that could only be removed by Him.. pet you have pleased Me with your willingness to learn and with your efforts to become all that I wanted in a submissive so now it is time for you to wear my full collar as you are now Mine for an eternity. With that last word He snapped the collar on, undid her bonds, wrapped her in a blanket and laid down with her on the picnic blanket as sweet tears of joy travelled down her cheeks. He kissed her and said I love you my lilone and she responded I love You my Master.
The End |
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