Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line

Horizontal Line

apiggywhore

Horizontal Line

Friends:
MistressK55

Vertical Line

Refer your questions to xAdamx

Owned by xAdamX. He is my life, my love, my everything. My life mission is to keep Him happy.

Slave Ownership and Registration Certificate for 980-724-627

This is to certify that the registrant with number 980-724-627, is registered in The Slave Register as an owned slave; and that the registrant's owner is declared to be Adam; and that the registrant has been owned by Adam since the 23rd day of July 2010.

He has full access to this slut's account. He has control of this slut's life.

It will no longer respond to any messages. It is only here to keep a journal.



Horizontal Line

8/19/2016 5:06:17 AM
a year has passed since I wrote a note, too much to type. xxx good times.

12/13/2015 8:32:57 AM
Just read my last few entries.... oh my, I am a moaning minny. Will have to find time to write about all the wonderful stuff that's happened in between. reminder to me Townhouse, fire, Blackpool, Adam and Eve's

6/11/2014 1:21:43 AM
I am seriously depressed, moved house to temp acc, problems with new house, problems getting a job, just problems, problems, problems.... I feel sick and close to tears all the time.

5/5/2014 2:36:14 PM
Met a lad I went to school with, infact he was a boyfriend for a while, now he's a she and I still recognised him 30 odd years and gender change aside.

10/24/2013 10:22:33 AM

Dont volunteer - you get no thanks and everyone is a critic.  Sad :( day.


10/23/2013 12:44:44 AM

Had another strange drem last night. Doing BDSM at a party and the police turn up to arrest me based on a description of my shoes, I was naked, so the description they had was naked lady wearing red shoes. They picked up my shoes and were deciding if I was the right person, debating if the shoes would be considered red or burgundy. I pride myself on my shoe collection and the shoes they were looking at were awful, burgundy as if ......anyway I ran away, over bridges and train lines and passed buses and managed to escape. I saw a man in the street dealing drugs and when I asked him for some he laughed and said "I don't cut no moon, lady" His friend said he could help me.  I asked them where I could find a cash machine.  The first man said it was next door, I questioned that "next door ?" He laughed again and said "yeah, at the lady shop next door."

 

Do you ever feel like everyone else gets a joke that your not in on ? Or that they are speaking a language that you don't understand ?   That's how I felt.  The whole dream was awful.

 


9/15/2013 1:51:49 AM

feeling rough - went to the LFW, well went to the Friday night event because working Sat so couldn't make those events.... that is so irrelevant.  Feeling very ill getting home at 4.30 is not good.  Had an excellent time - thanks to everyone who made it brilliant.  And boo to the staff of the venue for quoting "H&fuckingS" as the reason for not being a reasonable human being with common sense and others who wandered about in vanilla gear with eyes on stalks being creepy.

 

so can't be arsed proofreading, spell checking or doing any of the stuff that makes this easy to read..... did I mention I feel rough! urgh!


9/10/2013 3:48:58 AM

I don't think 'deserved' is what I said. people are careful with their cars but cars still get stolen, and people are careful with themselves and still get raped. It is shit when it happens and I am sorry it happened to your friend.

Maybe I should have said that after being raped as a child I am UBER careful and that is why I have never been raped as an adult. I am 'sick people' because I think if I can do it then anyone can and obviously this isn't true.

I don't go anywhere alone at night - I don't dress like a slut etc etc - is this the way a woman's life should be - prob not, but it is better than getting raped.

I also said I tried to be nice about what I said - I also said I was sorry for what happened to your friend but you only see what you want to see. Your friend is v lucky to have you and I hope my friends would be just as quick to come and defend me. But the problem is you cannot discuss this without getting upset because she is your friend and you are emotionally involved. I don't know your friend so I am detached in my assessment of her situation - this is not what she wanted, what she wanted was to have a little hugfest with ALL the victims.

I am sorry I posted because she was just the last straw, there are too many victims in the BDSM scene. My thought was maybe she should say what she would do differently - and that posting "Ways to avoid rape" would be a better idea than the hugfest she had planned, although I fell short of actually saying that because I really didn't want to upset anyone.

There are ways to avoid rape, I am not saying that would guarantee it wouldn't happen ... but ... there was a woman who posted who said she had been raped twice ..... who doesn't learn from the first time ???? she was probably the post that annoyed me and I should not have posted on your friends note ............

I will remove my post's

my sincere apologise to you and your friend

 


8/8/2013 11:40:52 AM

http://10fastfingers.com/typing-test/english

 

found the above on someone else's journal entry - love it - managed 64 words a minute and 100% accurate BUT still only managed to beat 85% of other users.... fuck me there must be some super fast fingers out there.


8/4/2013 1:05:14 AM

I may not be regular in my journal entries - I have been out of the country for 3 months is one excuse, but mostly it's because I have better things to do than write about my life. My Dom also likes his privacy AND who the fuck are you ????? :) ................and breath.


8/1/2013 2:25:58 AM

Task for today.

 

Sir

 

I think You want me to be submissive to You in all aspects of our life. In how I speak to You and how I behave with You. If You want to share me with others then You would expect me not just to comply with Your wishes but to be eager to comply. I believe You think love is not a real thing and therefore You would not require it from me. I believe love is a catch all word for a mix of things, respect, passion, attraction, need, want, and liking, so I know I love You.

 

I am not a masochist which I know doesn't satisfy Your sadistic needs, but I hope my efforts to 'take' a beating show my commitment to try and please You.

 

I think You want me to please, by being submissive,

 

care for, by looking after Your diet.

 

and obey, by doing my tasks without delay and with enthusiasm.

 

I also think You would like to be proud of me and therefore I am required to try and take care of my physical self, with diet and exercise, face cream and hair care. I want to find a new job when we get back from Canada in the hopes that I will have more conversation for You and be less of a financial burden.

 

xslutx


7/31/2013 1:24:46 AM

things are better xxx


7/26/2013 1:10:43 AM

Forgot the BDSM reason for doing a journal entry yesterday. When the paramedic and ambulance turned up I hadn't put away the spanking bench (which has "spanking bench" on it in gold lettering) the nipple clamps and flogger were still on top of it. Doh!

 

He is home now. We changed our diet over a year ago to an "anti-gout" diet (pretty much veggie) it seems He may now have IBS and I have googled it and it would appear that we have been treating the IBS by being on the "anti-gout" diet, on the night it happened I treated Him to lamb chops...... because of the IBS and the previous veggie diet His body reacted violently.

 

Reading up on IBS this morning and it all fit's. So back to the veggie diet. Need to make Him go to the Doc's to rule out coeliac disease because the tests done at the hospital have ruled out everything else it might be.

 

 

 


7/25/2013 2:32:53 AM

Why ?

 

Things were going so well, I got a "get ready txt."  I got out the spanking bench, cane and flogger.  I put on nipple clamps and tit bands and I waited naked for Him to come home.  He reminded me of my place and duties in His life and then He fucked me.  We had a lovely dinner and settled in for the evening, Him on the computer and me watching telly.

 

The next thing you know He is on the floor in agony calling for an ambulance.  Now I am alone and although it is only for today it is the scariest place I have been for a long time.  I am pacing, dithering, not knowing what to do.... is this what I would be like without Him.  I wasn't this before, I have come to rely on Him so much, too much ????  The emotional attachment is making me upset (I know that) but what has supprised/scared me is that I seem to have lost my practical self, the person who took charge in a crisis, the person who got on with it, I don't seem to be getting on with it, I seem to have lost it and I am just crying.   Maybe it is guilt, I fobbed Him off with Gaviscon and a cold flannel and even more guilt about not going with Him in the ambulance.  Maybe it's just lack of sleep ?????

 

The worst bit is that instead of rejoicing in the fact that He is ok and coming home today I am dwelling on the what if's...............

 

What if this happens again and it's not alright ?  

 

 


7/24/2013 3:39:07 AM

Time goes by so quickly .......

Time flies when you're having fun......

 

Just happy being a busy bee.  xxx


7/9/2013 11:00:52 PM

Had the scariest dream last night and although I tried to remember it when I woke up and it seemed pretty clear, now it's just fragments of a memory.

 

I was bitten by a rat on my upper right arm, had part of the skin on my leg torn off and was being chased by a gang of children. I gave my sat nav to the gang leader as some sort of good will (please let me go) kind of gesture but that was met with a smirk. I woke up fighting with the bedclothes.

 

Went to the LAM yesterday, saw some sights and had a pretty bad time (although some of it was excellent) so maybe that led to the nightmare. Who know's.

 

::::::IN OTHER NEWS::::::::::::

 

posted my opinion on another site and was slated, I really don't think like other people.


6/20/2013 3:13:11 AM

arriving early was good - gave me time to have a cup of tea and settle myself a little.

 

He is watching me. He disappears and returns with a small bag. He pulls out nipple clamps and a ponytail butt plug. I refuse the plug. He is holding it between us saying "are you sure, it's only a little one ?" His hand is shaking. I tell him "My arse belongs to my Master" He replies "fair enough"

 

He tells me that I am going to start with chores.

 

(People's choice of words always intrigues me - my Master calls them tasks)

 

"but first -" He udoes my blouse. I am not wearing a bra and he looks pleased. He attaches the clamps, they have bells on, he flicks one of the bells and tells me it is so he knows where I am. (Although I am never left alone)

 

He tells me I can start with polishing. I am wearing just tights and blouse and of course the clamps. He is sat on the couch wanking. I can't see him but I can hear him. I drop an ornament. "how does a slave apologise ?" he asks. I look at him blankly, "I don't know Sir" My "punishment" is to get on my knees and suck his cock.

 

"Faster" he instructs

"Do you like sucking Sir's cock ?" He asks

 

I release his cock to answer but he insists I answer with his cock in my mouth.

 

"ugh ir, anoo ir" I say. "lick my balls" he says "do you like licking Sir's balls ?" he asks. "yes Sir, thank you Sir" I reply.

 

"Open your mouth" he says. I position myself above his cock and open my mouth. I begin to lower my head. "Not yet" he says.

 

He taps the end of his cock on my tongue.

 

"Now" he says.

I lower my head.

 

"Deeper, faster" His hand is on my head trying to manouver me in the way he wants. "don't swallow your spit" he instructs "just let your drool run down my cock" He strokes my hair and tells me I am a good girl.

 

"What's the longest you've ever sucked cock for ?" he asks

 

I shrug "I unno fur" I say, my mouth full of cock.

 

"An hour ? two ?"

 

I release his cock in order to reply "ten minutes" (I resist the urge to brag that no-one lasts very long because I am so good)

 

He tells me I am going to suck cock for half an hour and that it will be a new record for me. (I have never felt the need to time myself, I think sex is about having a good time - it really shouldn't be about facts and figures)

 

He doesn't last long with the sucking and has me alternate between sucking his cock and licking his balls.

 

He tells me to go back to cleaning, there is nothing left to polish, so I fake clean things I have already cleaned, bending over so he has a good view. He comes over to me and begins to fuck me from behind.

 

It's at this point he decides to tell me that if I am uncomfortable or unhappy my safeword is 'banana'. I can't help myself and snig-ger (filter won't allow n-i-g-g-e-r which I can understand but this isn't that Urgh!) a little, which ruins the moment.

 

He goes back to the couch and tells me to kneel and suck cock, "but first pass me my trousers, they are over there behind you."

 

I do as instructed and he retrieves some elastic from the pocket and puts it over his cock.

 

He has me suck and lick his cock some more. After a while he tells me to go to the bedroom, lay face down on the bed and stick my arse in the air. He indicates that the bedroom is out of the living room to the right. He repeats the instructions as I am walking away and the voice in my head shouts "I heard you the first time and I am not stupid." but I say nothing.

 

I am on the bed as instructed and he comes in and fucks me. He is knackered and lies down removing the condom and telling me to suck cock again. (I hate the taste of condom)

 

"lie on your back" I do and he kneels over me and wanks. He asks if I want 'Sir's come' I reply "Yes Sir, thank you Sir.

 

"Do you really mean it ?" he asks.

 

I think "that really isn't a good question to ask..."

 

while I am thinking he comes all over my face and hair.

 

He tellls me how good I was, that he will give my Dom a favourable report on my performance and that he would like to make this a regular thing.

 

I get dressed and return to the living room. I ask him if he knows what time it is and he says about 11.30 and I am astonished that he has timed things almost to the minute. He finds a watch/phone and says "yeah 11.35" I text my Dom as instructed.

 

He gives me an envelope, I check the contents and leave.

 

As I walk the hundred yards back to the car I get beeped at by a passing car.....I think my Doms choice of outfit was perfect and smile.

 

 

 

 


1/20/2013 5:16:16 AM

Two for tea and tea for two, except it was tea for 4.  Most excellent time.  happy days.  Need to sort next time.


1/9/2013 7:43:47 AM

My Dom may be seen by others as being something totally different from what he is......or maybe He is what He appears ?  My Dom may appear coiled and ready to strike at any moment, mean, moody and ready for action and He is, but underneath that .... when He is in an environment that is condusive to relaxation ....He is loving and thoughtful and very kind.

 

He is a very private and polite man,  with what some may call "old fashioned values" which in my book is just a way of trying to insult what should be called common courtesy, or plain old simple politeness. 

 

He does for me what no other man seems to have been able to do.... He lets me be me.   And although this may sometimes lead to me being punished, it is very comforting to be able to just be myself, knowing He will take it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

 

I already feel I have matured into a more suitable sub for Him, and I am sure He has had something to do with this ..... moulding me into what He wants.....How can I contradict myself so blatantly ..... I am clay..... He has moulded me into what He wants...... yet, I am still clay. 

 

Last night I had the strongest urge to blog about how wonderful He is and how happy I am in this relationship, and everything I wanted to say seemed so clear.  Now I feel like I am selling Him short, because He is all these things and more, much more.

 

He is a good man, a strong man, a Dominant man.  He is loved more than He knows, and my wish is to stay with Him till hell freezes over.

 

Sir I love you.

 


12/10/2012 2:36:30 AM

There was a moment, one of those in 3D, HD, dolby surround sound moments. During the fire play, "open your legs" I'm not sure who the instruction has come from ...I open my eyes, a hand clasps my mouth and You speak "open your legs" I cannot shake my head because you have it clamped so tight, You look angry, and You are looking down at my legs,I dither and a smile appears, I as I continue to watch your face I open my legs. Your eyes meet mine and You are grinning from ear to ear and I am blinded out of the darkness comes the blinding light. Fire. I try to scream. In that moment it is just you and I. That is the moment I keep returning to, a few seconds in time, a million little details. The clunk of metal on the back of my head when you clamped your hand over my mouth, how cold the cross was against my skin right before this and not after. The room disappears and it is just you and I in this moment. The moment of truth, a deal stuck, an instruction given, a choice to make. It's glowing brilliance. orange, yellow, flickering as it's lowered I know where it's going and I am opening my legs.


12/10/2012 2:14:24 AM

Had the strangest dream last night.

 

this was a repeat of above, just saving the space incase something comes to mind.


11/19/2012 2:48:14 PM

Had the strangest dream last night.

 

We (me and Tony Robinson off Time Team) were on a pier and looking over the side - the water was so clear that you could see the bottom but no fish,but I did see a dolphin swimming towards us with it's baby, and then a BEAR but not a regular brown bear this bear was SILVER. When we turned around, there were pigeons building a nest on a balcony, working together to carry a large branch, on an old victorian style building with railings. a painter started to climb ladders and called one of the birds to him which turned out to be a parrot and climbed the ladder with him, telling us the parrot was wearing bandages because a car ran over its front tail (what the fuck is a front tail). And then there was a shop full of dogs - ALL BLOND - labs, and great danes and bouvier des flandres etc, etc - the only thing they had in common was the colour and old lady was buying a scottish deerhound which looked so sad.

 

a couple of nights ago I dreamt I had a date with Tom Selleck and I left him to go off with some random weirdo..... I dreamt of Tom because I had watched Jesse Stone ......I have no idea why I dreamt of dolphins and pigeons and parrots and dogs ?


11/6/2012 1:29:43 AM

IC is finished so just saved some blogs from there to here.  Happy Days.


11/6/2012 12:34:57 AM

someone wrote a story in a blog,
someone else blogged that they thought the story in the first blog was shit,
we love a bit of gossip and a chorus of who, whoo, twit whooo (sorry)
(because there were a few blogs with shit stories in them, so difficult to know which shit we are talking about)

so we asked whoooo ?
anyhoo turns out someone stood up and said me, me, me
and the sock said I agree. 
And in the end it was goodnight from Him and goodnight from me.

"If there is shit on the pavement I don't need you to put up warning signs and crash barriers"

:::::::::::::::IN OTHER NEWS::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

turns out that even though you said you wouldn't put up pics of a punishment because it was too personal, you very cleverly removed that post in order to stick pics of your red arse on your profile.  Hippo-crit.

:::::::::::just something I wanted to try doing:::::::::::

You can't share me only give me away.

"I don't want to." my voice is trembling, close to tears, because I am lying to You, and I am scared of being caught in this lie.  The truth is I want this more than anything.

"This isn't about what you want, sweetness," You say, keeping Your hands on the steering wheel and Your eyes on the road. "It's about what I want. You know that."

"But this is... " my voice falters. You look at me in the rear view mirror.  I falter with the lie and I am feeling a little car sick.  I am somewhat uncomfortable in Your choice of outfit, tight latex dress and impossible heels."... it's so degrading."  Your choice of outfit is depressingly predictable. 

You look at the road ahead. Nearly there. "How can it be degrading, baby ? You're doing what I want you to do. You're going to make me proud."  I lower my gaze and smile at your missing that I was talking about the outfit.  But I shed a tear for the You who is now just you.  Don't call me baby.

We pass a neon sign and you speak again, that Mr Toughguy voice that you liked to do and I accepted because I loved you, two seconds ago I loved you.

"You are going to make me proud, aren't you sweetness ? You know what will happen if you don't.. " Yeah you'll call me sweetness, why have I never noticed before that you never use my name ? is it because there have been so many that you are scared of getting it wrong ?

I look down at my wrists and the scars - I  have memories of good times to take with me and I have scars on the back of my thighs, that will let every future partner know I am a bad girl.

Shit you are staring at me - waiting for an answer - what was the question ????

I nod, shy and fearful. Just the way you like me to.

You park the car (it gets a mention because it took so long OMG, I don't speak I just wait patiently because I know you are nervous) Then you come round and open the door for me. These little touches of courtesy, just serve to highlight you forgot to take the child locks off.

The stupid shoes you made me wear don't work on gravel and my heels sink, you are forced to help me walk unsteadily up the driveway and into the party.  I feel so stupid looking like I am pissed before I even get there.

***********************************************************

Two hours later, and it's all over. I've done everything you asked of me and a few extra things that you didn't think to ask..... I stood up in front of all those people and stripped for them, not for you but for Them.  I spread my legs and put on a show. You didn't join me on stage, you just barked like all the others, but I couldn't hear you and I obeyed each one. I spread my cunt, fucked myself with my fingers, got on my knees and pulled on my nipples.

you passed me a tray. On it there were - dildoes, plugs, vibrators, gags. I looked in disgust because I thought I was going to get fucked by real men with big hard cocks but I got going with each toy.

At some point some kind soul finally dragged me off the stage, and into the crowd. Men had thronged around me, real men with hard cocks already out.  But not you.  Where were you ? probably having a drink somewhere quiet.

Time to suck and fuck - with cum running down my chin and dripping onto your naked breasts - I am bent backwards over a table and fucked. I am a slut.  but no NOOOO

you, you intervene at that point, physically pulling a couple of them back even as they tried to get into my dripping wet cunt.

WTF! At that point the love I had was gone, but now the hate was festering, yeah a bit of a flogging wouldn't go amiss and because you have totally ruined ...... arrrgghhh I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

And so they did. With canes, fists, floggers, paddles, belts, sharp nails and kicks. I safeword the v nice Domme ref the kicks and She was a star, it all gets a bit crazy hazy after that.  But I have a smile like you wouldn't believe when I get little flash backs.


***********************************************************

you are helping me into your stupid dress, and stupid heels.  I look down at you and think you are my chauffeur, and dresser, who is the sub ? I try to staighten my face.  Stop grinning.  I try not to look at you.

when we get back to the car I ask "Did I do ok ?"

You turn up the radio slightly and put your foot down.  I think 'oh god sulking'

"You did fine, sweetness."

I smile then, a tired, weary smile. " So are we going home now ?"

"Home ?" you ask

what a stupid question, where else am I going "I want to go home." I sound petulant, but it's only because I don't want to go home and suck and fuck you but it's easier than disturbing anyone I love at this time of night "I did what you asked. I did.. everything."

You speak "I know you did." The night is dark outside. The clock on the dashboard shows a little after 2 am. " I'm very proud of you. "

"So we can go home ?" I am thinking 'proud ?' I don't want to make my Dom proud I want to make him happy!

"I'm afraid not, sweetness. You see, I like my girls to be pure. Faithful. And you're neither. You've been used by so many men and women tonight, I lost count. Did you manage to count them ?"

You look at me in the mirror. Bemused I shake my head, you men are 'maths mad' it's always all about the numbers.

You are speaking "Ah, shame. But you see, there's no way I can take you back now. Not after everything you've done. I can drop you in the city centre, or the station, or.... " You look at the mirror again.  "Or I can take you back to your parents, if you want ?" you are a funny little man, you couldn't get it up so I have to go home, we will see.

"just drop me at the police station. they can come with me to get my stuff."  I am cold as I watch you.

You turn down the music. On the front seat, you're falling apart.


11/6/2012 12:02:44 AM

I am cold, colder than I would like, cold enough to be thinking 'I am cold.'  The dark isn't bothering me.  The restraints aren't bothering me.  The gag isn't bothering me.  Being naked is only bothering me because it is adding to the cold.  I think I am shivering but I can't be sure. 

Then welcome relief, a fire behind me, warmth and light I close my eyes to the pain of the light and try to twist to face the warmth.  "Thank you" I snort a laugh.  I laugh because I am thanking my captor for warming me before he beats me.  I laugh because my words are muffled, because "an-ugh--ch-oo" is such a stupid thing to say.  I have named him, my captor, He is Him.

I am cold and tired and hungry, as the cold becomes less of an issue the hungry kicks in, my tummy growls. 

He speaks "I have friends coming, I will feed you if you are nice to my friends."  I cry, my head is full of food, burgers, chips, bacon butties the list is endless, I imagine I can smell food.  I cry because I know I am going to do what he wants, I am going to be a good girl and get fed.   What happens in-between is irrelevant.  I am crying because I am nodding my head.

I hear chains rattling and my feet are fully on the floor and my arms land unceremoniously on top of my head then fall in front of me.  My shoulders ache and the blood rush of circulation returning is painful.  My hands and fingers don't feel like my own.   Pins and needles such a weird feeling.  My ankles are manacled together he removes the wrist cuffs and the ball gag.

I just stand there waiting.  Wiggling my fingers, standing, waiting, thinking what now ? Is it food first or friends ?  Then it hits me - cold water, a hose, a gulp of air and 'OMG' inside my head - "bend over" and I do, He soaps my arse and cunt and then hoses me out.  I am definitely shivering now.  A towel hits me in the face and I catch it in my arms.  Warm, white, uber fluffy, how the little things become such sources of comfort and even joy.  I have a micro-second of joy as I unfurl the towel and wrap it around myself.  And then I open my eyes and the smile that has bearly formed receeds quickly.  The walls are plain brick.  The floor is wet, from the impromptu shower and there is half a window at head height, showing me that we are in a cellar.  The shivering begins to subside and I turn from the window, there is a door in the corner of the room - well a doorway really.  I begin to dry myself. 

Less than 10 mins later I am upstairs, wearing a pretty dress and stupid shoes, and a blindfold.  A strong hand at the back of my neck starts pushing me down, "on your knees, girl" He speaks, I kneel.  He describes the room to me tells me there are several gentlemen waiting to get their cocks sucked and they want me to crawl around and find them.   I don't know why but I am surprised to find the first man is wearing trousers.  He is sitting on the couch and I am sure there is someone sitting to his left, and that the end of the couch is to his right.  I feel my way around his legs and lap and get stuck with his belt and zipper, he does it for me. 

He has a small dick and with a little sucking he is hard, he fondles his balls with his right hand.  "any good ?" I hear someone ask and as I am sucking and licking, and thinking.  A hand takes hold of a handful of hair at the back of my head and lifts me out of the lap of the first cock.  Now I am kneeling upright and a huge cock is pushed into my mouth, I gag.  The little cock man is squeezing my nipples hard. 

My head is pushed back into little cocks lap and the dress is lifted to reveal my ass and cunt.  Some lube (thank God) and anal penetration.  And he fucks me fast and hard, "don't worry honey, this is just the warm up, I'll be back for seconds when this lot have finished with you." it is Him.  He is obviously coming in my arse and then almost immediately another cock is in my arse and fucking me but this one is taking his time, to slowly pull it out, before ramming it back in. 

I am still sucking the little cock and then my head gets lifted again by my hair and I am passed along the couch to the next cock which is already out of trousers and hard.  I begin to suck and lick this new cock. 

Mouth, ass, ass mouth.  They all take their turn in both.  I work out that there are six of them including my captor.  He was the first and last to stick his cock in my arse.  When he fucks me the second time I am spent, and just take it, a good deep arse fucking with spunk oozing out on every stroke, and even when he slaps my arse he gets little reaction - he lifts me a little and I can feel him putting a vibrator up my cunt and still I don't complain, I know this is the finale and soon I will be able to eat.  I am almost grateful that He told me at the start that He would be back when the others have finished with me. 

I am being moved, a tight grip on my upper arm pulling me to my feet and directing me, I crash into something on my right and get pulled to my left.  On your kneels.  the blindfold is removed and I am kneeling in a large hallway near the front door. 

The men enter the hall and He tells me "kiss their feet as they leave, and thank them."  normality kicks in and I look up at Him with a 'are you serious face' and my mouth drops open and I think I was about to speak.  Although now I am seeing stars and my eye is swelling and I can hear Him "just fucking do as you are told."  The first man is close enough for me to bend down and kiss his feet.  I lean forward and kiss them, then I kneel up and thank him and then I see him.  He is old, grey and skinny.  His suit is smart and he is obviously well taken care of but he is old.  I look along the line of men waiting to have their feet kissed and they are all old.  The pain from being smacked in the face arrives at this point and my hand reaches up to touch, to know, to feel what has been done to my face.  It isn't so bad, I look at my hand and there is no blood.  I start to cry again and I kiss the feet of the second old man.


10/15/2012 11:05:58 AM

The Dream

 

We are at the Club. Small and seedy with low lighting (maybe no lighting would be a better description but that would give the impression of pitch black which would be wrong) I suppose the lighting is on a par with the ugliness of the clientele.

 

Anyway - we have arrived early in order for You to "set me up"

 

In the disco room (for want of a better description there is a convenient table that is padded. You tie me to it face down insert a butt plug and gag me.

 

There is a leather couch to my left and the doorway to my right. I can see You as You stand back to admire your handywork.

 

I turn my head to the left, I only have eyes for you. I know someone is in the doorway, I can feel them leering at me.

 

Later in the evening when a man smiles at me I wonder "are you someone who has fucked me ?"

 

I wish I could shut my ears .....but I can't, so I am subjected to the humiliation of You laying the ground rules for anyone who is interested in your piece of meat.

 

You say they are welcome to fuck me 'if they wear a condom' and they are welcome to go bareback if they withdraw and deposit their seed on my back.

 

A man with the smallest dick I have ever seen arrives and you remove the gag and whisper in my ear "Suck cock slut"

 

I see you sitting on the couch to watch me being spit roasted.

 

My protector.

My abuser.

My Dom.

 


10/15/2012 10:42:42 AM

9/16/2012 2:19:32 PM

You really are pathetic.  No wonder you have such strong objections to labels - it's because you don't know the real meaning of words. Faithful - does not mean "I ended the first relationship as soon as the second relationship showed promise"  Never -does not mean "apart from that time my Dom made me do it" and ignore does not mean- "I can speak to you as long as I don't say anything horrible"

 

YOU  yes you pathetic piece of naval fluff. 


9/15/2012 5:32:29 AM

if days had a score for being shit then yesterday was a nine (out of ten) but He came home and had had a bad day that scored an 11 - so my mysery was trumped ....... feel a bit low today and tired because I couldn't get to sleep.  Roll on tomorrow - Day off.


7/15/2012 5:11:14 AM

What's in a name.  I found love on CM. 


7/9/2012 8:19:53 AM

sobbing, it's not crying.  Big blobby tears rolling down my cheeks, unable to breath.  My nose is blocked with snot and a trickle from my nose is about to make the leap from my nostril to the carpet infront of my face.  My tongue touches my cheek and I can taste my sorrow.  My sweet, bitter, salty tears.

 

10mins ago I was asleep in bed. His first words to me were "wake up slut" then "get on the floor"

 

Now I am sobbing.


7/8/2012 12:23:29 AM

I wanted to open a profile on a regular dating site just to see if anyone does post's or blogs about how their ex-boyfriend dumped them and that he is the only man they can ever love.  I am a bit fed up with reading about lost love on other sites about how their "Dom done 'em wrong" and how intense (and therefore much betterer) BDSM is.


6/27/2012 12:40:55 AM

His ex is sending pic's through the mail with a little note saying Happy Days and then another with Happy Memories - nothing else, no note to explain ! ie "doing a clearout and thought you might like to keep these.  As they are pics of you and I have no use for them."  

 

Nothing like that.

 

He has ignored it, am I supposed to do something ?

 

Back in the day I would let her know I wasn't happy, but back in the day I would consider my parter to be 'mine'......   is my Dom, mine ?

 

 


6/24/2012 1:47:56 AM

Todays lines "I am a bad girl and must be beaten for wanting a cock up my arse." 6 pages, my arm is dropping off. 

 

Butt plug and tit bands for an hour aswell.


6/23/2012 8:34:56 AM

He read my fantasy and then told me that He felt it was His job to make it happen. 

 

Now I am worried.

 

This has changed the way I am thinking about writing, do I tone down my fantasies to something I would really do in real life ?  Do I only write about the things I really want to do ? I like to fantasise BUT what happens when the fantasy is removed and you know that fantasy is just reality in waiting ?


6/17/2012 4:53:59 AM

Have a fantasy forming of an organised event for forced-play.  Visions of being held open one on each arm and another two for the legs and finally a fifth to fuck me.  He can protect me if He chooses, I may fight back if I chose, but ultimately if you can get it, you can have it.  The thought that all Dom/mes may conspire against my efforts to resist seems to lead to the being held in an open position.  When I look beyond my captors I see another naked slave fastened to a kind of a small pommel horse thing.  As I watched one man entered her mouth and another took her from behind, from her reaction I assume it was anal.  Another pommel horse appears and I am maneuvered onto it.  Strapped up in an identical position to the first slave.  I feel someone enter my arse as I try to resist sucking the cock that is being shoved in my face, a cane strikes my arse and my open mouth scream is stiffled by the cock I had been avoiding sucking, tears stream from my eyes from the cane stroke and I begin to suck cock.  He is holding my head up by my hair and pounding my face. 

 

There is  a gentle thud, thud, thud as the flogger warms the flesh on my back.  I have cum dripping off my face. Then piss is washing it away.  The floor is hard and there is a drain in the middle, I watch as the piss drains off me and down the legs of the horse onto the floor and into the drain.  The hose  is next and I can hear the words dirty cunt in amongst the chat around the room.  My arse is hosed out.  Then two more, and another hose down.  A butt plug and a flogging, a cane stroke when I cried out too much.  He is the one administering the punishment , and all the time men are coming to fuck my arse or fuck my face, or both.   When I look across to my right there is the first slave, she has been removed from the horse and is now hanging in swing and they are adjusting the height of her for the two men standing in position to fuck her arse and cunt at the same time,  they are stroking their cocks as they wait for her to be lifted.   I look to my left and see a new horse with a girl being strapped into the same position as me, her face is bloodied and bruised and I think she must have put up a good fight.  As I watch she is taken from behind and as she opens her mouth to scream there is an erect cock waiting to silence her, and so it began for her as it had for me.   I am being undone, I hadn't even realised things had stopped I had been so engrossed in watching the beaten slave get hers.  I am in a swing before I have much time to resist, although I make a half arsed effort (inspired by the swelling and blood on slave 3's face, maybe) and I am rewarded with a half arsed slap to the face, He cups my chin in the palm of His hand and grins at me as He attaches nipple clamps," these are for not being a good girl", I know He is saying it for the benefit of the other two and that my screams seals their compliance as much as my own. 

 

A man approaches me and I know there is another behind me I am being winched to the correct height I am fucked, and fucked and fucked.  At one point I was fucked from behind by a slave with a strap on, because Her Dom wanted to do double entry but didn't fancy the idea of having sex with another blokes cock so close.  She was almost gentle and loving, she pushed deep inside  and stayed there without too much movement,  while he brutally fucked my cunt, he said "now" and I could feel my arse begin to vibrate as she gently kissed and stroked my back.  

 

 

 

NOT FINISHED JUST SAVING BEFORE COMP CRASHES


5/29/2012 10:23:37 AM

Australia was awesome, and excellent and brilliant and fantastic and ....... but we went somewhere the other day and well lets just say random blow-job.

 

 

I have been seeing a man who had a profile on a dating site.  He has brought me into his lifestyle and made me believe I am nothing but his g/friend.  He brings me down to a certain point where I would literally do anything for him.  He's made me so reliant on him that I cant date anyone else.  I dont want any other boyfriend because he's made me not want anyone else.  He's got into my mind so much that he knows exactly whats going on he knows how I feel and he understands me completely.  He knows he's the only one i can let hurt me.  He's made me want to do things that before I got into all this I would never dream of doing but I want to to please him because he likes it.  The way he talks to me is so calm that it somehow makes me feel safe and secure even though you know your going to get beaten.  He made me feel so happy and special when I was called a "good girl" or "my sub" I knew he wasn't happy when he called me a bitch.

I have spent [b]many months[/b] with this person trying to please him and trying to be the best g/friend I can be for him.  All my energy and focus has been about him.

but what on earth is a girl to do when their man has had enough of them? your whole world comes crashing down,who else are you going to get your kicks from now when you so badly need them?  and you think he's the only one that gets you...

When it all begins its exciting,interesting makes your body buzz, but deep down it slowly eats away at your life taking away everything and everyone who is important to you without you even knowing.  You will probably be that focused on that someone who makes you happy,that someone who claims he knows you inside and out that everything else no matter how important they are to you just seem irrelevant.

Someone once told me you need to find the balance between it all so you dont loose yourself,to keep sane and to keep yourself you...I never ever got that saying "finding the balance" until now....

My life has turned upside down since it all began and i cant stress enough to people who are first starting out how important it actually is to keep the balance between your normal life and all this BDSM stuff,to not get to caught up in it all and become obsessed with that person and the fantasy...that was my biggest mistake.

I am also retiring from all this to try get my life back on track and to get the people i love and more importantly need, to keep my life sane.Id give anything to rewind time and do everything different.If someone gave me the option of setting out and doing it all again,fair to say i definately wouldnt!

Havnt wrote for a while,but i thought id post this for the people who are first starting the journey.....ps sorry to all the Doms if i have just ruined your chances with a naive vunerable "sub" ooopsi



[b]A typical D/s relationship or played for a fool?[/b]


Firstly I should say I am single and do not have a Dom. This experience is about my relationship with my first and only Dom, only now it is over do I feel it is ok to seek advice on it.

I'm going to shorten the details greatly but to surmise, he was a mature, very strict, experienced, Dom and Sadist. I was completely new. He taught me all I know, trained me in many activities and sub behaviours etc. Over time he told me that he had another sub, who, he finally admitted he really considered to be his girlfriend. I wasn't happy with this, but by this stage I was addicted to him. So I continued to see him. We saw each other once or sometimes twice a month, we had a great vanilla friendship too, he told me how he adored me and loved spending time with me, it all seemed fine and dandy.

I'd always made it clear that I wanted a full time relationship with a Dom of my own…that i wanted to live happily ever after! So he encouraged me to look for a Dom and told me that he would continue to train and advise me until I found a Dom for myself and did not need him anymore.

As time passed his demands and expectations of me grew, he started to talk more and more about how he owned me, how he had created me, made me what I am….i questioned him, asking how can you when we are not a couple?
He said things like, I am your Dom and your owner, until you find another you will do as you are told if you wish to continue serving me.
I didn't get it really but by now I loved and adored him so I carried on.

Again, cutting out a lot of info….he finally took me to the point where I was fully compliant with him, there was nothing I wouldn't do when I was with him. He began to talk of breaking me, with his cane, restrained to the bed, he would cane me until I became hysterical or vomited, or passed out…he told me it would be the most horrific experience of my life but afterwards I would thank him and it would draw us even closer, that afterwards I would call him Master and become his adoring slave.

Ok…so even typing this the answers are screaming at me….but I'll continue.

The talk of breaking me, becoming his slave, led to me questioning…I would say how can this be right, we're not a couple, you have a girlfriend, I'm just the sub you see now and then, you're asking too much of me….i need to save some things for when I find my own Dom and give myself to him.


I knew if I saw him again he would break me and I couldn't let him do that, even though part of me wanted it, I hadn't seen him for a few weeks so when he let me down on another meeting I asked him to release me. This made him rather cross.
He became very abusive and told me to find a new Dom.
He then sent me the most hateful email, telling me how I was badly behaved, disobedient, how he was the only person who had ever managed to control me…and lots more.
I  got very upset, as I didn't really want to be released, I just wanted things to change. He never contacted me again…..just like that, it ended.


So, my question is…..was his behaviour and his expectations of me normal within a D/s relationship or was I played for a fool?

[b]hmm, taken for a ride?[/b]

So, I feel like i've been well and truly fuckd over.

I have over the last 6 months developed a hugely intense relationship with a guy I met online. I've always been quite submissive but chose guys I *wrongly* thought would be dominant only to end up feeling like their mother, becoming completely disatisfied and it all collapsing around me. Probably/possibly because I come across as someone quite strong, actually, no, because I *am* quite strong. I don't take shit and am quite extrovert, so people assume that is me in every possible scenario. But I have grown to realise more and more I love to be 'controlled' (I say it this way because it's a control I allow, so maybe not complete control?) anyway, this guy, was perfect for me, IMO, I think we both discovered D/s things about ourselves we'd never even realised before which just heightened our relationship, either way, it seemed he couldn't take the emotional dependancy that D/s creates for me (after reading a few threads I'm pleased to see I'm not alone in needing that security to feel able to completely release myself). He recently ended it, saying it was 'too dramatic' for him, yet he continues to try to exert control, thankfully I can see this and have cut all ties, it has to be all or nothing for me, and his continuous taking without giving is not what I consider healthy.

My worries are... am I forever going to be taken for a ride if I give in to this side of me? Will control always lead to almost dismissal of my own emotions? Is it really possible to give everything of yourself to someone, have them take it, but still make you feel like they're giving back?

Sorry if I'm waffling, this is my first post and I'm kinda confused/emotional about it all, I just feel that our relationship held a lot more than 'normal vanilla' relationships so don't know quite where to turn to discuss this...

 

 


4/18/2012 2:06:55 AM

Someone I don't know and have never met has been accused of doing something they didn't do.  I can exonerate this person but by doing so would incriminate myself........ how cryptic can I be ?

 

You aren't going to believe me but I have been asked to try so here goes......

 

BO didn't give me anything.  You gave me all the information I needed, your user name gave me your okcupid account which gave me face pics, your profession, gender and location, (all freely available on your profile) gave me another company in your area but you had commented on their work ...... that gave me your name, which gave me your web-sight, which gave me your phone number and address.  I didn't use them when I found them because :) YKW had told me to leave you alone, but after it became obvious you were messaging people to tell them what a bitch I was, and how hard done by you were, I thought a call to say "pack it in" was in order.  But apparently just speaking to someone is beyond you.   So just to be clear BO did not give me anything.

 

what now ???? just fuck off and die.... maybe that is asking too much!


4/14/2012 12:10:53 AM

Frustrated, and not in a good way.  Being made out to be the bad guy for putting someone in their place after they fired first.   Setting up a sock to try and get a rise out of me won't work when your stench is all over it.  

 

And repeating your vile accusations - well that's just sad..... do you know it's been over a year ? you are such a fuck-wit. 

 

I have also bought another book  for my holidays.... I have also read it Doh!, and although I said I  wouldn't, I did finish reading "We need to talk about Kevin"

 

Two weeks to go.

 


3/30/2012 2:57:50 PM

Some things bug the life out of me.... and other things drive me crazy, one of the things that makes my blood boil is a mother who does this .....

 

"Kevin put that down..... Kevin I won't tell you again..... Kevin what did I just say.... Kevin I mean it..... Kevin stop it now..... Right this is the last time I am going to tell you ....... Kevin blah blah blah..... etc......"

 

I could happily slap mother and child until A) Kevin stops whatever it is he is doing and B) mum stops what she is doing.

 

why all the above ?  well, I am reading "We need to talk about Kevin" and about half way through came across a description of Kevin using a water pistol on the removal men.  The mother gave a similar speach to the above example...... Now I can't be arsed to finish reading it, I have my answer.

 

 


3/18/2012 3:16:20 AM

My daughter made me a grandmother - but she lives in Oz.  I have a flight booked and only a few weeks to wait but ............... it's killing me.  FB tempts me with pics of mother and child and my heart breaks to see them and not be there.


2/27/2012 11:31:43 PM

crying, broken and deflated.  Such high hopes and now..... Now we just play the "I can't find my keys game"  I got up...... what for ? to be left without a kiss. 


2/7/2012 6:46:57 AM


My Dom's mad at me
I didn't wanna see the cane tonight
the gag makes it hard to say
I think I've had enough of her
Why can't He see
It's painful to me?and I don't like 

to watch the welts, on my bum
Every now and then.

My Dom's mad at me
Been on St Andrews Cross for an hour
He hardly said a word
I tried and tried but I could not be heard (that'll be the gag)
Why can't I explain?
Why do I feel this pain?
'Cause everything I say
He doesn't understand
He doesn't realise
He takes it all the wrong way

My Dom's mad at me
He caned me just the other night
I thought He'd got it right

He spanked and spanked until it was light
I thought He agreed
I thought He spanked it out
Now when I try to speak
He says that I don't care
He says I'm unaware
And now He says I'm weak


1/21/2012 5:47:20 AM

TODAYS TASK

 

I wanted to meet someone, someone special, well at least special to me.  We messaged, spoke on the phone and finally met in person.  Manchester, dirty old town.  I knew you, at the side of the road dressed in black and carrying your toy bag.  You get in the car and your presence is more than physical.  You brush fluff from your trousers and when I look I see you have cat hair on your trousers.  As a woman am I supposed to be upset by your poor grooming ?  No, as a woman I find it comforting that you are obviously not married and that you are also an animal lover.  (I also read somewhere that people who keep cats are more sexy - as a cat keeper I would like to think so but who really knows, 'cos there are a lot of old ladies who keep cats)  That's me being a bit of a Sherlock - ie No wife would allow him to leave the house covered in cat hairs and he obviously had a pet.  I found out later it was a cat.  

 

The hotel, the meal, it's all so long ago.... my memory stinks.  Breakfast at Morrisons - and taking it back and getting a refund.  Personal bug-bear - I wouldn't put half cooked tomatoes on your salad, so why put half raw ones on my breakfast, haven't these people met a micro-wave !


12/21/2011 5:49:45 AM

:) waiting in for a parcel and looking for trouble....  I think trouble has found me. 

 

8/3/12

You don't want to marry me! I can understand that. You try to "let me down gently" what does that mean ? that you are skirting around the truth for fear of upsetting me ? How  much more upset can I be ? ..... and I don't fix things under the sink, I don't open the car door for you and I am not so sexy ........... So NOT a keeper! What am I ? I don't even know anymore.


12/19/2011 11:14:57 AM

Seems the dirty whore has you stalking me ?  that makes you her bitch.  lol


12/13/2011 4:59:06 AM

Yesterday would have been my mum's birthday, and the day before that was the anniversary of her death.  Christmas has been shit ever since and although it has been 20 + years it still isn't xmas - it is the anniversary of her death.


11/30/2011 2:09:33 AM

for this weblog I have tourettes

 

 

I hate weblogs, blogs *fuck-knows*, that have the title 'bored', I obviously don't mean you, *cunt* because, *fuck-me* that would be too easy.  Because it isn't just you, *wanker*.  There have been, *buggery* hundreds of them over the years.  Try a *twatty* search and *fucking* see.  What do you want me, *cunt* to do ?  You obviously have access to t'internet and possibly your own brain but still you want to, *bollocks* tell everyone, *blah blah sheep* how entertaining yourself, *cunt* is, *fuck-me* beyond you.

anne_marie - having a punctuation overload.

it is better to stay quiet and be thought ...... fuck, buggery, bollocks, bastard, bitch, twatting, cunt, there are never enough swear words!

PS very exciting morning - just done cat burglary duties AGAIN ! note to self - HIDE a *fucking* key somewhere.


11/30/2011 2:05:09 AM

To the tune of "The Candyman" in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

 

Who can take a todger,
Sprinkle it in dew,
Cover it in KY for a minute or two?

The wankyman. 
The wankyman can.
The wankyman can cause he mixes it with KY and makes the wank feel good.

Who can take a todger,
Wrap it in a sigh ?
Wank it in the sun
and make a spunky pie?

The wankyman?

The wankyman.
The wankyman can.
The wankyman can cause he mixes it with KY and makes the wank feel good.

Willy Wanker makes,
Everything he shakes,
Satisfying and great,
You talk about your sexual frustration
but no need to stop 'cos of no menstruation

Who can take a todger,
Wank it in a dream ?
Seperate the johnny,
And collect up all the cream?

The wankyman.

the wankyman can.

The wankyman can cause he mixes it with KY
And makes the wank feel good.
And the wank feels good cause the wankyman thinks it should.


He took me for a sauna yesterday - and the usual "shower gel down the back of the towel wankers" make me feel like .....urgh!


11/30/2011 1:59:24 AM

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! Xxx..


11/30/2011 1:56:20 AM

over the years I have read enough to know there are different types of Doms/Masters/Daddys Tops ???? even but there have always been the 'good guys' who play the game.  They care for their sub, between beating the shit out of them, even take them to casualty if needed.

But and (yes that but does look big in this) there are those who wear the leather waistcoat, have the toys neatly laid out on the bed to photograph and know that 'The Prize' is a willing woman.  (What man could resist?) They also know the rules that suit them.  ie You cannot argue, you are sub.  You must do it, I am Dom.  And they are aware of aftercare in the same way they are aware of aftertime... it happens but they are usually at home tucked up in bed by that time.

Then (or maybe that should be another but) there are the... quickies, they find out about sub women who will "do anythig you want, even take it up the arse" and so they log in set up a profile and wait for an orderly queue to form.  They find it mega hard work to get involved in all that protocol top/bottom sub/Dom shit, and get angry and frustrated when you don't just "kneel bitch".  Being Dom is far far far too much effort. 

what I was wondering is can we name these types ? or is that more labelling ? and will then a 'quickie' turn up to say "I don't like you calling me a quickie" ?

I know there is the 'real Dom' and 'twue Dom' but I get so confused as to which is which .... and I think if I am confused and I have been here for a while then how are newbies supposed to understand when something is written TIC or am I not crediting people enough ?  Which I don't think is true 'cos I read some pretty stupid posts .......  and some of them are mine. :)

anyway suggestions for names for Dom type A, B and C and maybe descriptions of any I have missed... It may also save us from the "not all Doms are like that" replies.  Because the A type Doms would know we don't mean them ?

<<<<< should be at karaoke Doh!

edit - the usual smelling pisstakes and punk-choo-fucking-A-shun.   so messing this up - see prev entries - dates don't matter...... 'cos I am lazy!


11/30/2011 1:23:33 AM

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . ....
 
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' [b]Rebecca- age 8 [/b]

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' [b]Billy - age 4 [/b]

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' [b]Karl - age 5 [/b]

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' [b]Chrissy - age 6 [/b]

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' [b]Terri - age 4 [/b]

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' [b]Danny - age 7 [/b]

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' [b]Emily - age 8 [/b]

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' [b]Bobby - age 7 [/b]

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' [b]Nikka - age 6 [/b] my kinda logic xxx

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' [b]Nicola - age 7 [/b]

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' [b]Tommy - age 6 [/b]

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' [b]Cindy - age 8 [/b]

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' [b]Clare - age 6 [/b]

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' [b]Elaine-age 5 [/b]

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' [b]Chris - age 7 [/b]

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' [b]Mary Ann - age 4 [/b]

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' [b]Lauren - age 4 [/b] *bless*

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) [b]Karen - age 7 [/b]

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' [b] Mark - age 6 [/b]

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' [b]Jessica - age 8 [/b]


11/30/2011 1:10:49 AM

Fu-Fu

*shudder*

asl

I love you,

my special brew.

under protection of

sowwy, I weally am vewy vewy sowwy.

it is twue, ickle lurve, it is ridiculously sickening

scene *shudder* twue

Good Girl, hurl, partronising guff.

Fanny and Willy

make me crawl

No subbie

no

this girl

anything contrived or too 'scene'

finger punctuation

The current rage

does my head in

I will literally explode

If she says anne_marie wants to ..one more time

BE QUIET

useless brat

sub, subbie, girl,

Babe

bossy bitch's should not be called "Good ..." or ".... Lady"

I say, I said anne_marie do not repeat yourself,

yap, yap, yap.

Pussy, minge, vag, axewound,

subbie, newbie, skin crawling

Old and large know better,

Dirty Den my princess,

what are you thinking ?

subbie, newbie, subbie stable

(and carrier bags)

NOM NOM, WTF

We need to talk (classic)

More pussy another subbie

and one for the Dommie

*gag*

pussy, subbie

slaps the 'good girl'

'pleasuring'

horrible, horrible, horrible,

creepy revolting.

*shudder*

Fanny unattractive

Willies always little

I gotta get me some pussy

Fanny sounds loose and flappy

nasty.

I'm totally with you on willy and also on Dick.

Trannies, clitty,

bits and bobs

innit

Ditto the titty and the clitty

anne_marie wants to get jiggy-wiggy

subbie, cringe

patronising

Kneel Bitch

norty spelling

drives me nuts "AARRRGGGHHH"
random grin :*

"under consideration"

I'm definatelly an old goat

one's penis is not funny

speak properly

Not being amused

everybody knows

hun, hunnie

questions ?

we need to talk

Flange (cringe) is it less annoying in brackets ?

Yes and double yes although I am guilty

At the end of the day

Lady garden, lady parts, front bottom

Ass, gurl,

Sir too soon

lovely lady

under protection of

NOT A DOORMAT

I've finally found my Master.

Twue, I am guilty.

*shudder*

I write poetry.  I don't think

Six of the best.

high speed belly flapping

make me sick

norty, slap and tickle,

rude, crude

memes

lazy mindless reply

cliches

Sir, random, peculiar, student.

talkies !

no limits, slave, Domly

sex flower

"gash"

Who's your daddy ?

making love

slag, pussy, penis and vagina

wee wee hole, likes the finner things, not changing

sperm, minge, skanky

NO limits

under consid...

collared for life

single

I/we/this girl

txt spk

y no reply

IT really gets me. 

:) 

 

 

wed 27th july 2011 should be dating them but it's not vital ? I am sure I will live to regret that but the journal entry below is later than this - it will make sense to me.  

 


11/30/2011 1:06:32 AM

you shouldn't be a bully = check.

but what happens when you are accused of being a bully ?

I cannot smack you in the face because 'you lie', you would see that as proof.  I cannot put you in your place with my smart mouth, because you would remain victor in victimness.

Urgh. 

I am not perfect.  I am not even nearly perfect.  I am a kinda shitty in the middle ground somewhere, average.

I don't always *headdesk* when I could but I haven't got that thick a skull.  But I know I cause others to headdesk.  who doesn't!

I am rambling.  Too much in my head.  I spend far too much time on IC.  I am thinking of asking Sir to move IC to the privilege list. 

But.....

ok list time

I miss the people who used to spend to much time on IC and come up with this kinda stuff....<if I could be arsed there would be links here to some of the collective goodness that is IC, groundhog/grammar/memos 101/violet wands/gledoff stuff>

If I am going to spend this much time on here I owe it that much .....

Before Sir paid my IC dues with cold hard cash, I would spend at least an hour rating pictures as my own little payback to IC.  I don't do that so much anymore because now Sir pays, I don't feel I HAVE to do it.  Now I have a choice I find I can't cope with ....

...pictures of people in a mirror with camera phones taking a picture of themselves.  Can't you angle it in a way that doesn't have me blinded by flash ? could you clean the mirror ? and remove rubber ducks and dirty facecloths out of the background ? can you put some thought into what you are doing ? (this wasn't even the reason for my wanting to vent) 

... artwork, toys, cartoons, cocks, cats, sunsets, scenery and penguins.... the list is endless, which is mad... how can the list of things that repeat themselves, enough to drive me crazy, be endless ?

anyway, I have so lost my train of thought on this one

Oh yeah - I am a bully.  I do not contribute in any positive way.  I no longer feel I owe any thing ....

Maybe there is a link.... was I better behaved when Sir didn't pay my dues ? well to be honest, no.

I prefer to think of myself as a bitch rather than a bully but ... who wouldn't.  eejit.

 

edit this weblog was 'inspired' by @nodoubt's weblog about HC because at the time I thought I had joined in, in being mean to him, but when I checked I hadn't but I thought I had..... more ramblings.  So I really am not as bad as I think I am.  Whoo hoo x


11/25/2011 5:47:26 AM

I liked collar me - used to keep my journal here, but when I met my Dom I moved to IC and kept a journal there.  I have given up on that site and prev two entries are from my weblog there.  I will get round to moving the rest of it but in the meantime.....

 

I first used the site to find kinky sex - I had a nothing profile and a good time.

 

When I got into a longterm relationship I still read others blogs and the threads but I rarely posted because someone had usually said what I wanted to say before I got there.

 

When I got with xAdamx I didn't have a job and had moved a long way from home so I did spend a lot of time on there and posted more because (being home all day) I got to threads before others.

 

Now ???? now I have had enough, no-one asks why you stop eating, it's accepted that you have just had enough..... well that's me .... I have just had enough.


11/22/2011 1:11:35 AM

subbie commadments

 

1) a sub should have no other Master

 

2) You shall not make for yourself a carved image, nor use your mobile phone to make a digital image - any likeness of anything that is in ....well you know the rest.

 

3) a sub shall not take the name of her/his Master in vain.

 

4) Keep the 7th day holy (sorry couldn't see any reason to change that one, who should work more than 6 days straight.)

 

5) Honour thy barstaff and thy doorstaff

 

6) Thou shalt not murder (again - I can't see any reason to change it, although sometimes it takes a lot of self-control to keep to it.)

 

7) a sub will not commit adult Terry - he has problems but.... sorry couldn't resist.

 

8) Thou shalt not steal - does that go without saying ?! I have always been ok but y'know we all hear stories....

 

9) Not bear witness to your neighbour, at a distance that invades His/her personal space without invitation.

 

10) Not covet your neighbours towel, partner, sub, nor his male/female slave, nor His toys, nor His donkey dick, nor anything that is His.

 

 

 

 


11/22/2011 1:02:26 AM

A car pulls up and I get inside. “Don't sit down get in the foot well so I turn and kneel in the foot well with my upper body on the chair facedown. We drive for a long time in silence until lights disappear and we are obviously on small country roads. He leans over and lifts my skirt so my bare arse is exposed. I have already been instructed to arrive with a short skirt on and no knickers. He begins to speak - telling me what is going to happen to me.

 

Eventually we stop. A small dark country road - more a dirt track. He tells me to get out of the car. Its warm but still the cool air feels strange on my bare arse. He is in the boot getting rope. Ten minutes later I am bound hands outstretched around a tree. He goes back to the car - I hear the boot close and know its coming soon. My pussy is on fire and every nerve is charged. I can feel every vein pumped full of blood and pulsing through her making her hotter and hotter with every heartbeat, every rustle of grass in anticipation of him coming.. I can hear a swoosh and at first I think it is the wind in the trees but as he comes closer I know it is the switch - the most hated and respected toy (long and thin and hard, the man who sold it to us said it would draw blood - he wasn't wrong). He is swinging it swiftly through the air and the sound terrifies me. I have been a bad slut today.

 

He begins to speak. “I have brought you here because you make to much noise - you cry and plead for mercy when you don't deserve it and when I get the switch out you make enough noise to wake the neighbours. Tonight there are no neighbours and you are going to learn to be quiet. Every time you make a noise you will get six strokes with the switch - every time you take a stroke without whimpering you will get six strokes with the flogger (a very soft flogger). I will start with six of the best.” I know this to mean he will spank me with his hand - both my most and least favourite depending on how he does it. He begins with playful warm up taps and I begin to count - I have to count when it is a punishment spanking. “One thank you Sir. Two thank you Sir” this isn't so bad and I turn my arse up for him - he responds by spanking harder - a sharp intake of breath from me quickly followed by “Three thank you Sir.” and another ”Four thank you Sir” He usually does them in twos - one for each cheek. I think only two to go and I haven't uttered a sound . But he hasn't driven all this way not to make a point. Five and six come with such force that my tits are scraped against the rough bark of the tree and the skin on my arse burns and I cry out - maybe only a little yelp for five but six brings a full blown cry of pain and a squirm. “That will be twelve with the switch you owe me and 24 with the flogger then.” A head fuck can always intensify the emotions attached to a play session and to know that I have 12 of the best with the switch is the worst/best head fuck ever. The flogger was as beautiful as ever - lots of swishing noise and slapping contact sound and very little pain. I managed quite easily to get through the 24 without making any noise. “You have been a good slut and now I know you can stay quiet I will expect you to stay quiet unless I tell you to beg for mercy. Do you understand ?” he asks “Yes Master. Thank you Master” “I haven't finished, you still owe me 12 and for every squeal or ouch or yelp you will get six more. Do you understand that ? ” “Yes Sir” how can I get through this - I cant take the switch without screaming the house down - “One thank you Sir, two thank you Sir.” He has started gently and I wonder. . . . NNNNNOOOOOOOO - inside my head the scream is louder than anything I have ever heard - but my lips stay firmly pressed together until I release a breath and “Three thank you Sir” I know the other cheek is next and will be the same and somehow I get through it. Only two to go - I try to get on tip toe so that he will not hit the same spots again - but he is wise and a perfectionist - he wants to lay each stripe on top of another. “Stand still” he tells me. I hadn't realised but I am squirming against the tree in an effort to bury myself inside the hard rough bark away from the punishment being so expertly delivered. He has stopped - he is waiting for the pain of the previous two to subside - he is a kind Master - he is also waiting until I am focused on getting five and six. I have stopped writhing against the tree - the cold air cools my burning flesh and I am glad to be outside. I am suddenly aware of how quiet it is and how I would spoil it by making a noise - I resolve to get through five and six silently - I hear a swish and the switch strikes the tree at the side of my ear but too late - the cry has already left my lips. “This is what I am talking about” said the Master. “I did not strike you, yet still you cry out - you will get six more for that.” “Yes Sir thank you Sir” I am ashamed - he is right - I screamed at the thought of what was to come not at what was really happening - I have become accustomed to making too much noise and he is right to stop me. Five and six are delivered without much force or enthusiasm and I am a sad and sorry slut - I can hear him walking away.

 

He is smoking a cigarette and talking - telling me how bad I am and how I cant even do what he wants or follow simple instructions. I tell him I am sorry and I will try harder and I mean it. Each set of six strokes starts gently but if I manage five without a sound then the sixth is always hard enough to make me cry out until I have been tied to the tree for an hour. Now my arse is striped and red and so he has moved onto my back and shoulders. I have given up trying to be quiet and cry out on every stroke and have started to cry and whimper and beg for mercy. He tells me I am a useless slut and leaves me tied to the tree while he smokes another cigarette - he releases me from the tree and tells me I am good for nothing but sucking cock. He has his cock out and I begin to lick and suck cock for all I am worth. I am a good cock sucker and he explodes inside my mouth and throat. I swallow and hold his cock in my mouth waiting for him to tell me I can stop - he watches me “I like it when you cry out in pain” he tells me smiling.


11/21/2011 6:51:57 AM

really need to get back into keeping a journal.  and I will tomorrow. 

 

{#}


9/28/2011 5:41:03 AM

In the woods an army type base camp.  tents tables.  A fire inside an old oil drum. One of my first porn memories is reading about a female soilder, having sex in a tent with one man when another man comes in and takes her up the arse as she is coming so she gives in to it.  Had many a horny wank over that one.  Stables.   Good for straw beds and horse blankets.  And suspension ? keep the beams visible. 


9/26/2011 2:03:22 AM

ouch, ouch, ouch.

re-written story from below.

 

I am stood in the doorway, the fight or flight has kicked in and I am a runner, I want to run away but I have stopped, half in and half out.

You speak "come in here and sit down."  The words seem innocent enough.  Nothing painful, nothing sinister, just come in and sit down.  If I were at a strangers door I would think how nice they were to offer me shelter and comfort.  But that is not what I am thinking, I am thinking 'run, run, run'

You will not repeat the order, so after a long silent standoff with me looking frantically at my escape route and then back to You, You motion your hand towards the chair.  You are smiling, 'that' smile. 

I make a noise, not a whimper and not a grunt of defeat but a weird combination of the two. I am blubbering, something about "but Sir pleeeeeaaase".  (I know options went out of the window a long time ago, but something in me forces me to make a effort to try and save myself.)

I have been here for the longest time, I am now worried that that is going to be grounds for punishment.  I try to look at you, to make you see how distressed I am.  You are still grinning and the hand is still there open and indicating which chair I should sit on.  And then your grin broadens and You make the noise, snip, snip, snip.  I scream, and say "pleeeasse Sir". 

"Please Sir what ?"  now you are getting annoyed,  I move to the chair, shaking, crying.

You take a handful of hair, I resist the overwhelming urge to say "please Sir, don't" I just shut my eyes and try to give into you.  Snip, snip, snip.

My shoulders are shaking, I am sobbing.

You have walked away.

I am ashamed, my hair...... my hair..... all this drama for hair.


9/14/2011 7:09:47 AM

not posting elsewhere so just saving this here for when I am !!!

 

 

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/299057/7/#3129376

 


9/12/2011 6:08:47 AM

today He threatened to cut off my hair.  A long time ago, I read a blog (a Dom blog) where the Dom had pushed his sub, he talked of beating her and humiliating her etc, etc only for her to love it and come back for more. 

 

I understood that even when she was doing something she didn't like, in a weird way, she did like it because it pleased him.  What makes a sadist want what he wants ? I have no idea why he wanted more ....?

 

But the sadist in him ..... the sadist in him had to push to find the thing that broke her ..... his blog went on to say that he shaved her head, her crowning glory, how she was broken, weeping on the floor.  To me a horror story - to him a result !

 

I can't walk into a hairdressers alone.  I feel about hairdressers the way other people feel about dentists.  I pity my hairdresser because I flinch everytime she comes near me, my shoulders come up round my ears and I huff and puff.    And I sweat.....

 

Now, I am standing half in and half out of the doorway.  I ...I ... I want to run, I want to please.  I wish you would stop with the snip, snip, snip.  The order has been given, "come in here and sit down" You will not repeat an order, now You just gesture, Your hand indicating I should come in and sit.  I am on the threshhold, dithering, a deep breath and I return and sit.  (not nearly so quickly in real life, there is some ummm'ing and ahhh'ing and please but Sir... and maybe a "but Sir what ?" in response.

 

I am sat down, not able to give myself, my crowning glory, not willing to take the chance the risk,  ..... snip, snip, snip....   just a noise ...... You take a handful of hair ..... I flinch.  Urgh.  I am annoyed at myself, had already made the decision to come in and sit, already been told to sit, so why ? why the flinch ? (because I hate hairdressers and scissors and snip, snip, snip)  You leave me, second hand sub.  "you failed"

 

I am sorry, Sir.  Even though I brought You the scissors, I think in my heart I was wishing you wouldn't take them.   


9/11/2011 10:34:08 AM

me and my paranoia - my paranoia and I ? either way I am never lonely.  xxx  I am full of conspiracy theories and if I hadn't been proven sane I could imagine myself quite mad.  


8/29/2011 11:32:57 PM

excellent day in Brighton - thank you Sir x


8/26/2011 3:50:27 AM

ABSO-TIVLY-POSOLUTELY FUCKING SICK OF THE NEW VERIFICATION STRING IN ORDER TO UPDATE JOURNAL - 3 TIMES IT SAID I GOT IT WRONG - WHO THE ? WHAT THE ? AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH !!!!!!!!

 

AS I AM SO SMART - GOT IT WRONG A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO - SO NOW COPY BEFORE SENDING SO THAT WHEN IT SAY - VERIFICATION STRING DOESN'T MATCH CHANGES NOT SAVED - I SAY FUCK YOU 'COS I SAVED 'EM ...... COLD COMFORT !


8/22/2011 2:05:40 AM

urrgghh verification string does not match the image - CHANGES NOT SAVED.  Doh!  Sir I had a brilliant time last night, thankyou for being brilliant and thankyou for everything.  I love you with all my heart, and when we hit a problem and you sort it, I think I love you more, with all my heart and soul.


8/18/2011 6:52:48 AM

7/13/2011 5:50:36 AM

our first anniversary - 7/7 or 23/7 ? makes no diff to me - we are at the first marker.

 

 

I spent last night in the cage, cold and alone.  Not nice BDSM, not pain or sex, the opposite of any connection.  Just me, alone ..... but it did feel right.  And I think I am more aware because of it.

 

Sir I love you x


6/20/2011 4:13:40 AM

Today's task

 

Hmmmm ...errrrm.... er .... blank page, blank mind.  (two fags and a cup of tea later and blank page still equals blank mind)  Just keep going, something will come to you .......

 

You sent a text "we are going to The Club" you don't add a kiss.  It is still early aft so I begin to get ready in a quite leisurely way.  I begin with a face pack and hair removal cream, I also do myself a quick pedicure while I wait for the  lotions and potions to work their magic.    I eventually get into the shower and ready myself for the evening. 

 

I am out of the shower and naked, drying my hair.  The doorbell rings and I am a little annoyed at the disturbance.  I don a dressing gown and make my way to the door.  The glass is frosted but I can see there is a huge man on the otherside of the door.  I check myself to be sure there is nothing hanging out and open the door.  As I pull the door the monster on the other side pushes it and although I have realized things are not going to plan I am already too slow to react.  Hands grabbing me, more men, my mouth opens in startled surprize and I have a micro-second to view the smiling face before the hood covers me and I am in darkness. 

 

I try to move my legs to kick out but already they are being held and bound, it feels like I am moving in slow motion in comparison to everyone else.  I raise an arm to swing a punch and it is caught in mid motion and twisted behind my back causing pain and imbalance.   The imbalance is taken advantage of and I am lowered to the floor.  I am breathing hard inside the hood and thinking who, what, why, who, ? but so far I have made no sound, "SCREAM you idiot" I hear in my head and although my mouth is open nothing is coming out.   I have a sudden and deep understanding of silent terror.

 

From opening the door to now is probably less than 60 seconds, my legs are being swung around and I hear the front door shut.  Then people are moving past me, whispering.  Footsteps on the stair, noises in the kitchen.  "what are you doing, what do you want ?" I shout from inside the darkness of the hood.  There is just laughing in response.  I hear the playroom door open (sometimes referred to as the spare room) the chains, whips, paddles, and floggers on the back of the door rattle too much.  I cannot breath. 

 

I hear a whistle and footsteps going upstairs, it is quiet for the longest time.  I know they are looking, touching, spying on my private things. 

 

I don't know how but I know they are above me, looking down over the bannister forming a collective plan of abuse.  Footsteps on the stairs this time coming down.  I am lifted like a roll of carpet and after some man handling I end up fastened to my spanking bench. 

 

There is a great deal of laughing and when the hood is removed I can see through a tangled mass of my own hair my black mamba being waved around.  Someone takes hold of my hair and a limp dick is pushed in my face, up my nose, a tug of my hair and I obligingly open my mouth and suck.  I feel very matter of fact.  I feel so at home that I would be no more or less comfortable than if I was downstairs, in my favourite chair, having a brew.  I begin to think clearly.   I must protect myself and I know co-operation will help.  I begin to make more of an effort with the blow-job.  I can hear a voice on the landing, someone on the phone, "yeah seriously, I'll txt you the address."

 

 


6/19/2011 1:08:10 AM

went to a club and had a great time, Sir is very happy which makes me very happy. xxx


4/22/2011 12:25:19 AM

Sir I will try harder.    My aim is to be the  best sub you have ever owned. 


4/21/2011 12:06:28 AM

Last Night

 

Last night we played, some of the hardest play we have done together, I am in pain when I sit.  I cried, lots.  Not because of the pain but because I was gagged and He was saying some pretty horrible things. 

 

Sir, I know I have put on some weight over xmas, and I am disgusted with myself.  All I had to eat yesterday was an egg salad.  I am working on it.  You made me cry because I couldn't defend myself. 

 

I cried because I was mad. 

 

In prev vanilla relationships I have been a fighter, I can argue with the best of them, hold my own, take it on the chin, etc, etc.  But what to do NOW, I am mad at my Dom in a way that would have previously led to a stand up row but .....

I just cried, and I am crying now.  I am so angry and frustrated.  I want to run....  I am questioning everything....


4/18/2011 11:46:04 PM

spent a week back in Manc because of family stuff.  Have been so happy to get back but really hit the ground running and don't seem to have caught my breath yet.  Still v tired, but some of that could be that for the first couple of days at home I was on my period, so He has been playing catch up.  Up late.  Up early.  Make me a tired bunny.

 

Horny moment,  we were in the middle of things and He had stopped and was on His elbows looking down at me and He lifted a hand, I thought He was going to slap me, He stroked my cheek, and I thought He was taking aim and that He was going to slap me.  I held myself and He didn't slap me.   But He could have.


2/22/2011 5:48:43 AM

Going back to Manchester whoo hoo! gonna visit my son and visit a club (these are two seperate things) x which just happens to be having a BDSM night on the very night we are in town. 

 

Happy Days x  just waiting for the cat to come back x


2/21/2011 3:36:04 AM

new fantasy taking shape - reminder, coffee with Anita.

 

Ever since you told me that you turned Anita les, I have been thinking.  And the being forced to Dom an AB or a male sub has now evolved into Domming Anita but with You telling me what to do. 

 

So far I have fisted, whipped and licked Anita.  I have used a strap on to fuck her arse and I have spanked her.... to dream....

 

Also having fantasy of her domming me ?!?!? and not sure which I will settle on ?


2/18/2011 2:12:21 AM

txt to say be ready with flogger, handcuffs and gag.

 

He came home to find me kneeling with above laid out infront of me, He speaks "remove your top please".  I do.  First I am going to give you the lecture - my head lifts and my mouth opens, some sorry poor excuse for a sound bearly leaves my lips and I see the look on His face.  My mouth closes and I lower my gaze.

 

"I want to explain your position to you, I want to re-affirm our relationship rules.  I am disappointed"  He explains lots of things (non of which you need to know about) and then he explained the punishment 5 stokes, hard strokes with the heavy flogger.  He tells me I am to say "I am your slave Sir thankyou" after every stroke. 

 

The first is so hard, harder than anything He has every done before and some of the shock was for that reason and not so much for the pain, but that did come oh boy did it.  Winded on one side, curled to that side and struggling with staying kneeling against the couch and in position.  I suck it up .....and growl into the cushion.... I cannot breath, speak ... and as I think I cannot speak .... I think I cannot even remember the words ....fuck.   "Are you ok ?" He asks.  Another growl and "Yes Sir, sorry Sir" I am not looking at Him but I know He smiles, "Well then ?" He says.  "I am...I urgh... oooo I am your....cough and sniff..."  I am not just struggling to speak, I am struggling to think.  He reminds me "I am your slave Sir...."  "I am your slave Sir thank you" I say. 

 

and as the pain dies - He tells me "I told you they were going to be hard" He then makes me say "Yes Sir" that I am ready and willing before each blow.  He does it again.  Real tears.  I do a little better with staying in position this time and saying "I am your slave Sir thank you".  I think this is because it is not so much of a shock but now it is time for a different kind of shock.  The shock of realizing that there are 3 more to go and He tells me "good girl, but you have 3 more."  and gives me a minute to ponder that. 

 

Happy Days - that isnt exactly how things happened - there were handcuffs and He stopped inbetween to kiss and stroke my back but artistic lisence (fuck my spelling) lets me change it to just the really really horny stuff.  Well above was the horny bits for me anyway.

 

And the horniest bit of all - 5 mins after punishment I am in the kitchen dressed and making dinner as though nothing had happened, knowing that I am going to get fucked later.

 


1/27/2011 9:52:50 AM

Sir is slapping my face - I love it.   And caning.  And He wrote on me the other day - it was nice, except it was perm black marker and it made a mess of the bedding.  (gotta love vanish) It didn't wash off my skin for a couple of days, which in itself is a lesson learned.  which sort of puts constraints on Him, which always feels like topping from the bottom.  But if He really wanted to I think I would let Him write on me even if I had a job, I think I would contact the job and explain or cancel the job.  what else have we been doing ? and if you see a full stop can't you understand that there is an implied capital letter to follow I just can't be arsed to shift or maybe the computer should know that and do it !

 

What else have we been doing ?  lots and lots and mostly all good.  I know the last entry was a bit down and to be honest I think it was my fault.  I thought I could just do it regardless but when He hurt me I went to kick Him, natural instinct ?, but truly not in a submissive mind set.  I have thought long and hard about it.  My usual philosophy (fuck my lazy can't be arsed to spell check self) is if I can forgive them then there is no point dwelling on it - it is an either get over it and move on OR it is something unforgiveable and get out.  But this isn't something He has done.  It is something I did, so now I need to forgive myself and move on or think it is something unforgiveable ????!!! We haven't spoken about it I find difficulty in speaking, I get confused.  He has to forgive me, I have to apologise.  Maybe that should read, I have to apologise, He will forgive me.

 

oh yeah and pissing on me - not a forced one like last time but a full on dithering two cups of tea piss.    Lots and lots of it - all over body, hair, face.

 

As for the other thing - I am sorry.

 

 


1/11/2011 6:58:11 AM

what happened last night ? I feel like something went wrong.  But I can't say how, what or why ? 


1/7/2011 1:54:16 AM

Sir - has fucked my arse everyday this year.  Whoo hoo! 


1/2/2011 12:14:52 AM

I received the most beautiful present in the whole wide world.  A pink box.  The best shade of pink, not baby, not Barbie, not gay, but pink, solid, bright, unashamed pink.  Some may see gawdy I see gorgeous.  It shines and reflects the light, it has a pattern that seems to come alive and move and change colour as I turn it in my hands.  Square on every side, a true box, with a lid. 

Inside the box .... all the things that make my life easier, better and happier. 

I love my pink box.  thank you Sir. xxx


12/23/2010 10:24:50 AM
How am I feeling ? feeling v confused about life the universe God and everything x

12/21/2010 11:49:24 AM

Doh ! I will update properly when He goes back to work and I have some time.  Later ...infact the next day.  He sent a txt saying "300 word essay

Your role as a slave:- My role is to please, care for and obey you.

what it entails:- doing as I am told with good grace and good humour. 

what I consider are your priviledges:- karaoke, internet, smoking, sleeping in Your bed

Your tasks:-keep you happy. clean flat, not kill cat, stay slim, butt plug, 

things I should punish you for:-not doing as I am told.


12/18/2010 10:07:12 AM

Txt from Sir = slut get 'ready'

 

You arrive home t find me naked wearing collar/cuffs, a butt plug and nipple clamps.

You use me for a while.  Flogger, crop, hand.  You allow me to bargain for the removal of the nipple clamps.  The end result being three strokes of the cane.

 

I am crying after the first but that doesn't stop you as you tell me to thank you and count.

 

"One, thank you, Sir"  I say quickly while I wriggle and rub my sore cheeks and crumple a little at the knees. You tap the chain on the nipple clamps to remind me whats at stake, if I take the next two, the clamps will be removed. "Two, thank you, Sir" I am crying, "Three, thank you, Sir."

 

As promised you remove the clamps and fasten me to a dining chair.  The back of the chair against my stomach.  My ankles fastened to the back legs and my arms fastened to the front legs.

 

You have taken pictures of You fucking my arse/face/cunt and You have arranged a slide show of me being a dirty whore.  Pictures of me sucking Your cock.  Pictures of me with Your fist inside my cunt and the butt plug up my arse.  Pictures of Your cock in my arse.  I want You to lift my head by my hair and make me watch.  I want You to tell me what a dirty cock sucking whore I am.   

 

I want you to spank me if I show any signs of resistance.  I want You to tell me what a dirty cunt I have while You play with the butt plug before removing it and lubeing my arse.  Again feel free to spank me if I move around too much.  I want You to tell me that I am a dirty fucking whore.  I want You to fuck my arse without touching my cunt in anyway first.

 

While you are fucking my arse, I would very much appreciate if You bend over me and reach around to squeeze my already tender nipples.  after You have let me come I would like You to finger my cunt but only enough to check for wetness.  I would then like you to tell me what a dirty cunt I am for getting wet.  "How wet is she ? after watching porn and getting ass fucked ?".... You are wiping my cum on my arse as You ask the question .... I know You are not expecting me to answer.


12/12/2010 4:59:22 AM
Happy Days !  He is off work for a week so no time to do this, busy spending time together.  Eating, sleeping, living and loving together.

12/8/2010 11:42:45 PM

(background) - I used to consider myself a pain slut, but then I met a couple of Dom's who described what a pain slut could take, and they put me back in my place as 'novice'.

When I told Sir I wanted him to whip me, beat me, spank me, He laughed and asked "have you ever been whipped ?"

I have played before but was only ever slapped in the face once. (note I have no objection to the word 'play' people who play football don't think it degrades the game to use that word)

Sir has slapped me before, I showed Him a story on IC that I had found extremely horny "Saying goodbye" Drew Heller weblog. Sir asked me if I wanted 'that' and I replied "hell NO, I couldn't cope with that but it's still horny."

 Last Night

He had txt'd during the day to say "be ready, slut" and so He arrived home to find me naked and 'ready'. During the course of events He smacked me in the face and my lip caught on my tooth.  I saw stars.  I couldn't get my lip out of my head, my tongue kept returning to check on the swelling and to test for blood.  I was ....disturbed and yet I carried on and said nothing.  He flogged me harder than I have been flogged before. Infact afterwards when His beard stroked my back, my skin felt as though it was sunburnt.  But still my mind was stuck on my lip. 

This morning the only a bit of me that isn't crying out in pain is the lip, the swelling has gone, there is nothing to be seen. 


12/8/2010 4:34:29 AM
I have so much to do today.  Gonna go and get dressed and get wall plugs or is it raw plugs doh damn my lack of knowledge.  Put up the pan rack, still moving in if the tool box has not been put away.   Then task for today is to wear harness for His return and wear butt plug for an hour.  He does not want tea.  On a seperate note, I have a stalker whoo hoo. 

12/7/2010 6:48:39 AM

He had her, owned her, loved her, used her.  He still wanted her though, wanted to explore the places she dare not acknowledge to herself.  There is no reading between the lines, there should only be a clear honest truth.  Truth, she hated to speak of such things.  To talk of cunts and tits and spunk would make her uncomfortable, make her squirm, blush and avert her gaze.   She wanted to be told what to do, He wanted her to ask for it to be done.  They had reached an impass.  She searched inside herself for ways to make it easier to 'ask', she prefered to be free from guilt about doing something 'dirty'.  "It was not me it was my Dom.  He MADE me do it" was the mantra that absolved her from guilt.   Embrace the slut within, she told herself.   

....the headfuck to suit the sub.... if she asked to be fucked and begged to be beaten then He would be telling her she could no longer ask.......But she didn't ask to be fucked and she had never begged to be beaten and why would he headfuck ..... because He can, because He knows what makes a good headfuck. 

How do you override yourself ?


12/6/2010 11:05:20 PM
The hairy monster returned last night.  Looking like something the cat dragged in.  She has been fed, watered and brushed and is beginning to look a little like her oldself.  Happy Xmas.

12/6/2010 1:55:12 AM

The big move.  The monstrocity is gone, the hairy monster is gone.  I have painted the kitched and flooded the kitchen, which in a strange way, made me the happiest person in the whole wide world.  He came, He saw, He rescued.  There were no harsh words about my being an incompetent plumber, He just got on the floor, tools in hand and torch in mouth and fixed it.   And as I stood and watched Him I was overcome with joy, that He is Dom and I am slave. I love the new place although ..... somethings have not been left behind.    Should mention the painting the kitchen though Sir, you came, you saw, you didn't even notice, despite me having green hair and one green boob. :)

I am not happy about the hairy monster, because I am worried.  And because we parted on such negative terms, I was angry with her.  Doh !  Gotta go shopping for heaters but that's a whole other story.


12/3/2010 6:34:12 AM

Birthday wish list.  I would like more time to play, I would like to go out to play, I would like to stay in and play, I would like to play. The last time ? You were mad at me.  Messages to A - You stood on me, cursed me, hurt me.    And I loved You, but hated that You needed to be mad at me to abuse me.  The time before that ? You were mad at me.  I had a strop - You spanked me, cursed me, hurt me.  And I loved You, but hated that You needed to be mad at me to punish me.  Bits inbetween ? my memory is not what it was, now that I am getting older, but if it wasn't memorable, does it count.  As I am typing I know You will be mad at this, mad about others reading, mad about me showing others.  Is she crazy ? Why would she write such things ? because I am sad, sad that I have to resort to making you mad to get what I need/want.  Still feels like topping from the bottom and it does not make me happy and I don't want to make you mad.


12/2/2010 9:47:15 AM
The cat is missing Doh!  I have been out every hour or so and ch, ch, ch'ed until my jaw aches and still no sign.  There are paw prints in the snow at the end of the street but nothing near the house.......  I am sick with worry, its getting dark.  How stupid would I look to walk up and down rattling her food bowl (the usual way to attract her attention when she is indoors)  Sir .... I don't know what Sir will think... but it will not be good.  Need a cig so gonna have another look.  Edited later.... Took her bowl out and rattled and rattled, still no sign of her.  But there are pawprints in the back garden, although Sir thinks they are fox prints. 

12/1/2010 8:37:05 AM

Its my Bday on Friday - have asked Sir if we can go for a sauna and whoo hoo ! I have no idea why the spacing on this journal entry is so fucked up ?!?!?!? 

Not much happening, have moved and have a very unhappy cat as a result.  Kept her indoors for two days which meant at 5am this morning she was going stir crazy and literally climbing the walls, so I put her out.  Spent an hour trying to coax her back in, she was covered in snow and crying but would not come near me.  In the end I let myself back into old address and let her in through a window (her previous means of access)  Once inside she ran to the bedroom, only to have a panic attack when the bed she wanted to hide under was no longer there, several scratches later and she was back in the new flat.   Oh and built a bookcase - I am a multi talented slave.


11/25/2010 6:18:37 AM

Pay day - whoo hoo, gonna go get my hair cut, do some retail therapy and maybe treat myself to a pub lunch.


11/21/2010 3:02:32 PM

done x  It was ok .... Watching Sir for signs of pleasure/disappointment He seems happy enough.

above was yesterday ...today

I have been up in the night with the runs.... and now I am up I feel like death, aching all over and a banging head.   Fucking Italian restaurant (which we went to as a treat for doing modelling) tried to kill me with meatballs. 


11/20/2010 2:39:25 PM

Have a BDSM modelling job tomorrow.  Don't feel ready.  Don't feel very pretty ... infact feeling v old and ugly.  Wishing it was next week so I could do cabbage soup diet and maybe have a facelift.......
ugh... yuk.... why did I say I wanted to do this ? 


11/13/2010 12:28:38 AM

I am feeling bad.  Sir is a very reasonable, caring and loving Dom.  He indulges me and we go to karaoke every Friday night.  I know if He didn't have me He would not go.  (I do love karaoke) Last night we went even though He had to get up early for work this morning.  He left me in bed but came to speak to me before He left.  He was very grumpy.....because He was tired and maybe feeling a bit rough because of alcohol (neither of us are big drinkers) I now feel bad because I shouldn't have stayed so late .... or stopped for chicken on the way home..... and I should have most definately got up and given Him a lift.  As a human being I am grateful to stay in bed, as a woman I am happy to be loved, as a sub I am ashamed.

I don't want to top from the bottom but He shouldn't indulge me.  He should make me work for privilages, like karaoke.  He should make me give Him a lift and I should be punished if I complain and....... I should shut up.


11/10/2010 6:12:28 AM

still having fantasies.....

I have (like most) tried to look at my BDSM journey from all angles.  Including why sub not Dom.  I know myself - I cannot hit someone, and I fail to see how they find pleasure in it.  But I am glad they do.  However, I do find somethings that lurk under the BDSM banner very distasteful.  One of my regular fantasies is to be forced Domme, a true test of submission as it goes against the grain.  Recently I spoke to an AB and my fantasy has now evolved into being forced to Domme an AB. 

Why is my fantasy something I would hate to do ?  Why can't I be normal and fantasize about things I like ? like being tied up and used and abused.

Hmmmm looking at BDSM from all angles has provided more questions than answers.  Such is life.


11/8/2010 12:48:05 PM

Sir is working late.  I have lots of interesting thoughts during the day but put a blank page infront of me and I can think of nothing to say. 


11/5/2010 4:12:01 PM

Another day - another karaoke cancelled Doh !


11/2/2010 6:38:12 AM

I am feeling a bit pathetic - someone on another site has called me names and it has annoyed me.

am I pathetic for being annoyed ?
I am pathetic for being annoyed !

this person is obviously an idiot - so why am I bothered ?

Hmmm - because when I asked my Dom to read the thread and give me an unbiased opinion He said "You could have been nicer and given her the benefit of your experience" and of course He is right.

But I am a bitch - I don't suffer fools gladly, I have no patience for idiots and I shouldn't have to .....
or should I ?

character - Bitch, lover, child, mother, sinner, saint ????

If I am a bitch why do I beat myself up afterwards about being bitchy - why can't I just embrace the bitch in me and be a happy catty ?  Why when my initial reaction is to "put someone straight" do I think afterwards, "You could of handled that better ?  been more sympathetic ? maybe wrapped up the insult within a compliment ?" 


10/30/2010 4:58:30 AM

Miracle of modern technology - the mobile phone.  Curse of my life - the mobile phone.  Today's text task - 3 mins of excercise, 5 mins of nipple clamps and 10 mins of butt plugg.  And the worst bit is I have a hangover and He knows this.  New job is shit - the joy of having two bosses is that both of them tell me the opposite of the other.  Have printed off CV again but have yet to hand it in to the two chippy's I have found closer to home.  Will do it Monday because tomorrow He is taking me back to the sauna place, I am such a lucky slut.


10/27/2010 1:34:03 AM

I am a three holed fuck toy and Sir makes use of me everyday xxx I couldn't be happier.


10/19/2010 3:40:46 AM

wake up call this morning was Sir with a hard-on Nice !


10/13/2010 3:14:25 PM
had a most excellent day out - sauna and cold showers, swimming naked together Nice!

10/13/2010 1:47:04 AM
I hate this place.
I hate that the water doesn't make good tea.
I hate the bathroom facilities.
I hate that there are far too many people.
I hate that there is no space.
I hate smoking outside.
I hate not having any money.
I hate not having a hairdresser.

...and You are the only thing that makes it bearable....

10/7/2010 1:36:33 AM
Sir says my journal reads like an emotional roller coaster - up one minute, down the next.  Thing is, there are days inbetween which are level - but level is 'nilla, dull, average, plain old ordinary and does not make for interesting reading or writing. 

10/5/2010 11:51:18 AM
period nearly over - feeling better

cleaned the flat - went to work

happy days x

10/3/2010 10:23:38 AM
Feeling lonely - that's not good.

Feeling weepy but thats the time of the month, not a good time to make a decision.

Today has been awful.  Washed pots, made the bed, went shopping, made b'fast, washed more pots, made dinner at the same time (save myself a job later), did some laundry, watched x-factor Whoo hoo, made dinner, washed pots....... 

Sir ? are you still happy with me ?
do you still want me ?

'cos I'm not feeling it !

10/1/2010 6:13:59 AM
Diet over Hip Hip Ray ! Feeling good.

Had toast for b'fast and Macky D's for lunch.  I am a v happy bunny.  Karaoke tonight whoo hoo !

Not happy in work though - both the owner and his second in command have a lack of faith in me - maybe I should be less sensitive - I haven't been there long - maybe they need time to get used to me ..... and time to realise I know how to do my job. 

9/30/2010 4:59:13 AM
Yesterday aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh
and that's putting it mildly.  Spent hours on trains, buses and the underground and even longer walking in the rain to arrive at a modeling audition cold, wet and hungry.  Got a brew and two banana's at the canteen and then spent 2 hours sitting still and naked infront of a room full of strangers.  Not easy!  made even more difficult when the "other" model does a runner ! Doh !  Saw some of the drawings - Gawd I am muscular....

Today
Had a bit of a row with Sir..... feeling v down .... want to blame my diet ....still starving and have the biggest craving for bread, potatoes and bacon.  Not arsed for sweets or chocolate or cake but I could kill for a Big Mc meal. 
But its not the diet .... its me ....I am a bad girl.  I need to learn to take my punishment ..... is it too much to think that I should think my punishment fair ?  I am a slave it is not my place to think.... I am sub it is not my place to decide what is fair punishment ..... I am His property ... I should just shut up ! 
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.
I must not sulk.

I must eat my soup x

9/23/2010 12:54:07 AM
job interview today ..... got the job whoo hoo.


9/21/2010 6:35:23 AM
back to the grind - met my daughter for lunch yesterday which was excellent - today not such a good start but finished with flair.....

job hunting
tasks
shower
dinner

oh she of little faith - Sir let me go to bed early (tired after yesterday) .... then woke me up to flog me Happy Days !

Sir I am happy. 

9/15/2010 4:33:50 PM

alone

too much time to kill
too much space to fill
too much silence to break
too much pain to take

am I selfish ?
to want you here
to want you near
to want it all
all the time

tried going in one of the chatrooms for a bit of company but I am such an idiot - I keep getting kicked out but no-one will tell me what I am doing wrong - just an auto response saying "you are not registered" but when I ask How to get registered no-one speaks to me ? Doh!  Just waiting for Gordon Ramsey ... my hero. 
Went jogging today - gonna try my hand at nude modelling - got my first gig in two weeks so thought I better firm up my thighs a little. 


9/12/2010 4:18:34 PM

When I first discovered BDSM I signed up to CM and IC - I found the IC discussion boards easier to read but preferred the profile layout on CM.

I gave up on my IC profile a long time ago.  Sir asked me to update my IC profile to reflect my new status as His sub/slave and so I did.  Tonight He is working a late shift and I am home alone and bored.  I went on IC for a mooch....  I posted my thoughts and as usual the response was attack is the best form of defense I was even called a sock puppet (had to look it up) 

.....so I let the fat lady who lives alone with her cats have the last word.... I am a giving person.


9/9/2010 3:21:17 AM
Sir I just love you xxx

9/8/2010 1:53:45 PM
Making the most of being together. 

Living, eating, breathing, sleeping, together Nice !

9/6/2010 3:21:12 AM
Last day x

Spent the morning job hunting and learning London geography need to re-do C.V.

went shopping to get something nice for tomorrow's dinner.  Pasta and garlic bread.

cleaned the flat.

9/5/2010 9:11:39 AM
Dont want to say anything
for fear of saying the wrong thing

went to the park today with a bag of nuts, fed the squirrels which was nice but got mithered by pigeons Doh !

feeling seriously depressed

9/4/2010 12:28:41 AM
I am not the only person being mithered by Dave - spoke to the irish fella from upstairs yesterday and he said, he shut the door without turning the latch, the next thing Dave is knocking on asking if there is a problem with the door, and that his Mrs is only just out of hospital......and blah blah blah...

Sir I am a bad girl xxxx went into the briefcase and watched porn. xxxx

9/3/2010 6:14:26 AM
Made a draft excluder yesterday, fixed Sirs uniform and got a rug for under the bins.

Sir has given instructions for His return which include inspection of changes I have made in the flat..... so tempted to put things back..... why am I so unsure of decisions made by myself..... when I made the changes it was because of things in my head ....how I like things arranged..... 

Sir has already told me that He will punish me if He is not happy ....and He has His two new free toys.... the bamboo cane and the "piggywhore" whip.  Gotta go find a job..... can worry about this over the weekend.

9/2/2010 6:47:15 AM
A FANTASY FOR YOU

I am wearing Your collar.  And there it begins.

Handcuffed to the whipping post. 

Then on my knees crying. 

Then sucking your cock through the tears......

No wait that was real life......

Sir, I will think of something ..... just caught on the hop as I have been in domestic goddess mode for two days, need to revert back to sex slave. 

9/1/2010 3:56:29 AM

....after moving in with my xAdamx, He tells me not to speak to Dave next door. (should add that to the Do Not list) Not an easy task, the first time Dave knocked on it was easy enough - I was just out of the shower and only opened the door a crack.  (international sign language for "fuck off I'm busy") anyway - he said his piece and I nodded and that was it.  The second time xAdamx spoke to him and I moved to the bedroom out of the way. 
Today he knocked again, whoops I forgot last night.  Last night he spoke to me through the window, asked me had I sorted wardrobes, I said "Ugh" and he said "last time we spoke you said you had wardrobes to sort ?" I am going crazy because I don't even remember talking to him ? Oh ! My God ! now I do ...coming out of the loo - he said "everything going ok ?" and I said "Oh y'know BUSY sorting wardrobes and stuff ...moving.... nightmare." and went into the flat, no stopping, no chatting. 
Today he knocked on again.... well rang the bell... which I was gonna ignore because no-one knows I am here, but I was just opening the flat door to go answer the front door.  And there he is..... He looks at the front door and says "Oh its me... " I assume by that he meant it was him that pressed the buzzer so I take a step back and close the door a little.  He looks at me and keeps talking "I just wanted to let you know that its me parked across the driveway so if you want me to move just knock on..." and he points at his door.  Like I don't know where he lives and says "the flat...y'know" I was caught out and spoke "Oh that thing is not moving until I go to pick Him up on ....errrr... Tuesday, so there is no problem, thank you" and I go to close the door.  He keeps talking "Yeah mines the "girly" car across the front... if you were wondering."  and he is grinning at me and I blow air out of my nose and give him a thin lipped no teeth smile and shut the door.   This is going to be a long week.  


8/29/2010 7:08:51 AM
.......and I didn't want to think about it ........ but it's tomorrow 
.......... and I just want You to know I will miss You..... and I don't want to talk about it......

8/28/2010 9:12:35 AM
I know two entries one day - just want to put today in perspective...

Good
Perm. collar
Shopping
Macdonalds
Garden Centre
Gardening
Talking

Bad
Questioning Sir

Now where do I put "Finding cane "!

8/28/2010 8:30:27 AM
Today did not get off to a good start my fault.  But right now I am painting my permanent collar in a colour of my choosing - have gone for red on black.  (more subtle than a straight garish red and not so dull as plain black, is that the correct plain or should it be plane or is that only the flying kind, which plain is plain and simple, I have looked it up and its a prairie Doh ! I have a love/hate relationship with the English language, if nevertheless can be one word why the fuck can't thankyou and lots of other idiosyncrasies .... I digress) 

anyhoo - I don't care about His previous significant other but I do care about Him and I should be more sensitive.  But my jealousy got the better of me ......  I ruined what should have been, would have been a very wonderful day. 

And He found a cane today - found.... for free.... just lying there.... like, well I can't even think like what.... cue twilight music....

8/26/2010 4:58:10 AM

I am a bad girl.

Today's additional tasks
 
1) Frontline the cat (cat won't come near me anymore) Done = good girl

2) Buy a cane - except Sir wanted me to go to a builders yard (full of dirty builders) and buy a length of bamboo because there is not a cane shop near here. NOT done = bad girl.  I only admitted this to Him this morning so have yet to pay for my failure.   I think Sir finds amusement in my embarrassment

Last night - I will ask Sir if a picture can be added but wore body bondage harness thing and heels.  Sir wanted grooming, outfit is now called "The hairdressers outfit"  Took it up the arse again.  Nice.

.....meanwhile ... back in the real world.....
because Sir works I am left home alone for most of the day.... until I get myself a job I am left to clean and sort out His flat.....  anyway found something I wasn't happy about and for a brief moment I doubted Sir.... not because of anything He has done or said but because of my previous experiences..... I was flogged for doubting and worse I was given a lecture.   But worse than that I am sad that I disappointed Sir and I am sorry I doubted Him.


8/25/2010 1:28:25 AM
Tasks

Exercise - sit ups, press ups, butt exercises and 20 mins power walk.

Meditation - mantra "May I"

Sexercise - butt plug for half hour.

Rules

Do not kill things
Do not throw anything away without asking.
Do not make Sir a meal after work.

Etiquette (am so missing my computer and its auto spell checker)

Always make any request to Sir a request not an instruction - this is the thing I seem to be struggling with the most,  I am amazed at how difficult it is ..... its because its changing the everyday me..... I mean I have been the boss at work for a long time and I am used to giving instruction, orders ...... anyway I am working on it and Sir is very patient ..... or He is keeping notes somewhere for when he buys a cane. 

If I want to do something Ask - again I am struggling because where do I draw the line ? do I need to ask permission to breath ? sneeze ? sometimes when I remember and ask for everything Sir smiles and answers "of course you can".  And I think He doesn't want me to ask for "everything"

8/25/2010 1:12:34 AM
Last Night

Sir works v hard and after a long day at work I offered him a massage.  He accepted.  Then time for sleep ..... no.  Sir offers slut a massage.  I accepted.  He began with oil and his hands on my back but His cock was sat between my legs pushing against my arse when he lent forward to massage my shoulders.  Needless to say His cock eventually found its way into my arse ......

slut loves a sore arse in the morning, smiles.

new daily task - slut is to wear butt plug for at least half hour everyday.

Happy Days !

8/24/2010 2:13:53 PM
happy days - today's task - to meet Sir at work wearing butt plug.  Sir very pleased slut very uncomfortable, and for a lot longer than expected, when I got home, found I'd locked myself out Doh !

....dressed teddies in bondage gear, had a wank ... all in all another very productive day.

8/23/2010 12:09:19 PM

I am not allowed to kill things.  So have had a very productive day of painting snail shells with bright red nail varnish, so that the birds can kill them for me.   Wormed the cat (cat no longer speaking to me) bought puzzle books, visited sick relatives ..... all in all a very good day.


8/20/2010 3:35:39 AM
I so wish I hadn't spent 30 quid on hair yesterday.  Landlord caught me with the phone bill.

One call an hour and 15 mins... what do we find to talk about ...smiles... can't wait 'til Sunday whoo hoo....

Oh yeah I haven't updated journal yet busy doing tasks ....(haven't had a brew either yet so only just sort of woke up)

Sunday is D-day - all my stuff (whats left of it) in a car and down to London.   I am so excited and happy and nervous and .......

He is perfect...  and when I begin to worry that being a slave might not be much fun (sleeping on the floor, being fucked up the arse without warning, being pissed on) He asks "Do you have any concerns slut ?" and I know (I really do know) that I can trust Sir to make this work for both of us.  and so my answer is "No Sir I have no concerns."

8/20/2010 3:22:26 AM
Today's task.

My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to p;ease, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
My purpose is to please, care for, and obey You.
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x
I am Your property, Your cunt, Your tits, Your arse, Your slut. x

Thank you Sir for my task.

weg..... and thank God for copy/paste.

8/18/2010 12:38:54 AM
Domx2 fantasy

You have contacted Domx2 and arranged a meet.  You have instructed them on what is going to happen and You have told me  nothing.  You tell me to get ready.  I shower, cuff and collar.  You select a coat and shoes for me to wear and we get into a taxi.  You instruct me not to speak unless You ask me a direct question, and You pass me the butt plug.

We arrive at a house and the door is opened by one of Domx2 and they are dressed as in their profile picture.   I lower my gaze - I look at my feet, my shoes ? Your shoes.  I feel like I am stood on the doorstep for the longest time... no-one speaks....  there seems to be an understanding between You and Domx2.  The door is opened wide as an invitation to enter and You step inside ahead of me.

And there I am, shivering, dressed in a coat, collar, cuffs, shoes and butt plug  And there You are holding the door open for me, Your hand indicating for me to enter.  Domx1 and Domx2 stood beside You.  Three of you stood along the wall in the hall.  I look at You, at Your extended arm and the palm of Your hand.  Such a normal gesture, universal sign language for "come on in".   But I know that  once inside the house I will be submitting totally to Your will, Your plan.  I look at Your face, smiling.  I lift a leg that feels like lead and then the other, two steps forward, it puts me inside the hall infront of Domx1.   Two steps thats all it takes.

I hear "Coat" and begin to undo the buttons and as I slide it off my shoulders I hear You close the front door behind me and You take my coat from me.  I am naked in the hall with the three of you.  My shoes make me tall I feel like I am on a pedestal like a statue being viewed, exposed.  Domx2 turns and walks away, Domx1 follows and You follow.  I dither.  "Come" You say but before I have taken the first step You add "on your knees" I get down on all fours and crawl after You. 

The room is large with high ceilings.  There is a coal fire and an empty rug, three chairs circle the rug.  Domx1 and x2 are already seated.  You take a seat and I crawl onto the rug, it seems to be the logical place to be.  I keep my eyes lowered.  I am afraid to see what is happening, what is about to happen, I don't want to know.  I stay on all fours.  Domx1 puts a glass on my right shoulder blade, I hear ice, and then pouring.  I remain still.  Domx2 puts his feet up on my arse his heel is against the butt plug, and he is tapping in time to the music playing in the background.

There is a crack from the fire, and I jump a little - enough to rattle the ice in the glass but not enough to spill it.   Although no-one is talking I am aware that the unexpected movement of the "coffee table" has caught your attention, and that ...  if I had spilled the drink... (I cannot second guess what a Dom would see as suitable punishment)   I am just happy that the glass and its contents have remained in place.  Another glass, on my left shoulder blade, more ice.   I am aware of a cold patch under the first glass.  A flogging is going to hurt more because the skin will be cold.  My mind is racing Am I going to get flogged ? am I just furniture ? will they fuck me ? will they make me air tight ? filling every hole with cock and cum ?   The first glass is lifted and returned while I listen to the second glass being filled.   And conversation.  Nothing sinister just general chit chat.

I feel a crop between my legs - just gently stroking up and down, then a quick flick between the inner thighs, this continues and I find that my rear end and thighs can twitch and flinch without my shoulders moving much at all.  Occasionally I flinch enough to rattle the ice, and again there is an expectant hush while You wait to see if the glass will fall. 

Both glasses are removed and Domx2 moves his feet but continues to crop gently between my open thighs.  A flogger strikes me across the back and as I raise my head and open my mouth to scream Domx1 pushes his cock inside. I try to pull back but his hands are around the back of my head taking hold of my hair and then my neck and he is pushing my head down into his lap thrusting his cock deep into my throat making me gag.  At the same time Domx2 is pushing against the butt plug. I feel trapped between them outnumbered and out maneuvered.  I cry out in pain but  I cannot escape it. 

The flogging continues but the crop has stopped and Domx2 is now pushing his cock inside my cunt.   The butt plug remains in my arse. I am being fucked at both ends whilst You flog my back, I am gagging but there is no mercy.

Domx1 speaks "Turn round slut"  and just as quickly as they entered me they are gone.  I turn round and now Domx2 is fucking my face with his cock covered in cunt juices and Domx1 is fucking my cunt, deep powerful thrusts. I grunt and groan like the slut l am, Domx1 hands on my hips, pulling and pushing deeper into my wet cunt.  l want them to stop, but at the same time I fear they will. 

And I need to ask permission. 
And I have been told not to speak.
And He hasn't told me I can without asking.
And its all too late...  I am coming...
And the next thing I know is I am on the floor empty.  The three of you have moved.  You are moving your chairs to the sides of the room.  A table is put up in the center of the room and I am lifted onto it.   My wrist cuffs are attached to ropes which are run through big metal hoops on either wall I am kneeling with arms outstretched, You hood me.

"Did you ask permission to come slut ?"

Under the hood I begin to cry.

I am stuck across the back and

"Did you ask permission to come slut ?"

"No Sir" I shout

"Don't make me ask twice again." accompanied by another strike, this time across my chest.  

"No permission asked for.... kneel up"

I kneel up, my arms lower for a second but only a second and then very quickly the slack is pulled in taking my arms back up and out of the way, leaving me exposed front and back.  A crop across the buttocks and a scream from me. 

"Sir, I am sorry"  I cry out ....

"ARRGGHH and speaking, when not spoken to....." another crop across my arse.  

8/17/2010 2:42:35 PM
see prev journal entry 7/11/2010 9:55:48 AM

Its a small world.  A couple or so years ago I was given away to a couple in order for her to explore her bi-sexuality.  Her Master was allowed to play with me (spank, crop) but not allowed to fuck me.  Turns out he is now one of Domx2  Laugh....  I nearly choked on my hob nob.

8/16/2010 5:59:36 AM
Can we agree not to speak of this again ?

8/13/2010 3:31:42 AM
Friday 13th .... we will see, so far so good.  At the risk of repeating a theme - went to karaoke but there must have been a funeral today because there were lots of v drunk men with black ties.  One very short, fat, (no offense Sir...) bald and very drunk man was trying to catch my eye by getting in my face, so I did two numbers Etta James - I just wanna make love to you and James Brown - I Feel Good, which I am beginning to think maybe my new subbie song.  And then while short, fat, bald Romeo tried to hold eye contact as he staggered from one side of the dance floor to the other, I finished my one and only drink and I left.

8/11/2010 3:02:54 PM
New Fantasy

Background

Sir told me a story of him with two females - one a lesbian, she was fisting the other and Sir was fucking her arse at the same time.

When we first started speaking I found a profile picture that I found scary, horny, beautiful, dark, erotic, intriguing, .... and I sent Sir a link - He thought I was interested in the profile which .... I will find it.. ... wasted hours last night trawling though profile pictures only to NOT find the one I was looking for anyway ...Domx2 found them whoo hoo !

In my fantasy You are in my arse and I am being flogged across the breasts .... then fisted then fucked, and face fucked.  Not feeling very eloquent Doh ! feeling a bit in need of food - Hmmm went Tesco's on the way home - ham butty and crisps I think.  i will write up fantasy when in a better mood.

Sir I wasn't feeling so eloquent because I read Your message to me and thought I can't match that so ... what's the point... anyway.... I am sorry Sir I was jealous of Your writing skills.  I am happy You are happy with your ineloquent, straight talking, no airs and graces, tell it how it is, northern slut.

8/11/2010 3:33:00 AM
How it came to be

Years ago, I worked at a hotel - the maintenance manager was after getting in my pants but I don't date at work, so for a year nothing happened.  We remained friends after i stopped working at the hotel.  I would go round to his flat and cook for him.  We would watch films and drink wine but still no sex.  Then one night he asked me what it took to "get in my pants" I said "I like it when a man tells me what to do" 

He told me to go in the bedroom lift my skirt up to my waist and bend over the end of the bed and wait for him.  I did.  He came in the bedroom and first stroked my arse then with one hand on my back he spanked me with the other one.  I didn't move (I am a little stubborn and willful)  He slid his hand into my knickers and over my cunt and it was obvious to both of us that she was wet.  He did not insert a finger he just stroked the outside once.    Then he spanked me again twice this time, then again he checked on the effect it was having on her.  So I feel his hand lift of my back I hear his belt buckle being undone and then the unmistakable sound of him sliding his belt from his trousers.

My heart was pounding and my brain was saying this is stupid "STOP" but I said nothing and stayed in place.  Without seeing him I knew he had taken a step back and that he was looking - not looking at my arse as an arse but looking at it as a target, that he was taking aim.  The first stroke, firm but gentle, I didn't cry out and waited for his hand in my knickers but instead he belted me again.  I expected a hand to inspect me intimately and instead I was shocked by the second belt, shocked enough for one of my knees to give a little. 

This time he stepped into me and again a hand was on my back and his other entered my knickers.  She was soaking - and I knew, and i know he knew because he went back to belting me - without interruption.  He just belted and belted until I folded up onto the end of the bed.  He picked me back up moved my knickers to one side and fucked me.  He stroked my arse while fucking me.  I could feel the heat.  I could feel the pain and I have never looked back....

hindsight is always 20/20
After that I began to look for clues as to why I was a "Freak" and there were clues.  I was just too naive to know about BDSM and too "vanilla" to think good girls should be like this.

My first sexual memory was watching Wildlife on One kinda stuff - and it was always the lions, always the lions.  Because even though the female has teeth and claws and she is the hunter, she gets taken by the male.  And if she resists he just gets a grip of her neck and says "your having it bitch".

Later.... Much later... In my teenage years I would wear pegs on my nipples while getting ready for a date.  (God knows how it started) It meant that if my date got to touch then or suck them, it would be painful for me, and I loved it. 

8/8/2010 9:00:57 AM
I steal Your words because You say what I want to say, but better.  xxx

8/7/2010 3:20:23 PM
5 strokes for a mini pork pie.  I am a bad girl.

Just in case you couldn't find your notebook Sir. 

and I "grins like an ejit" at "beat you when you are bad, flog you when you are good."  I can hear the mwhaa haa haa.... and I am very happy indeed.

Banana and cherries for breakfast - tuna salad for lunch and finished tuna mayo on a butty for tea.  With a mini pork pie - that was yesterday.  Today Banana and cherries for breakfast. and chips for lunch - but not many - and for tea - gonna finish tuna mayo (note to self - don't make so much next time) ....anyhoo...  and cut up some veg.  xxx

&@!? Great steaming piles of dog poo ! Batman !?$@  and I can still smell it Aaarrggghhhhh !

8/6/2010 2:49:00 PM
May be able to finish work earlier than expected - I am being a v good girl - snacking on lots of fruit and raw veg- eating tuna salad for tea.  And have sore legs from doing steps..... but to see You smile .....          to see You proud of me...  this is the greatest reward xxxxxx Sir I love you and I am very happy to have found my perfect Dom. xxxxxx

8/2/2010 2:33:34 PM
Thank you for coming to me Sir.  I am sorry about Your trip back.  Next time I will come to You. 

I am such a happy piggy.

7/29/2010 4:10:33 PM
Went power walking after work - feeling a bit sweaty.  Did sit up's and butt exercises before work but cried off on the press up's (I have never been able to do more than 3) Sir has thankfully given me an alternative.  Unfortunately exercise makes me hungry.  Will have to go shopping and fill the fridge with fruit and veg to snack on.

Had bacon butty for breakfast.
Cheese pie for lunch.
Tuna salad and wedges for tea.

Eating a bit too late in the day really but thats down to my job. 

7/29/2010 4:16:26 AM
Time for sit up's, press up's and power walking...slut needs to keep in shape for her dragon...smiles..

7/28/2010 4:43:56 AM
Ra30fSunshin3 journal entry for 25.07.10

it did read
I can take pride in knowing I am far more inelequent than over half of the people on this sight. I feel bad for peoples lack of words, and the beauty they are missing in which they have. Sighs.

Classic - unfortunately she has spotted the error of her ways and corrected it.  But it cracked me up so I just had to save it for prosperity.  I worry about the half the people which are not as clever as what she is ....

7/28/2010 1:16:26 AM
Sir

couldn't sleep last night so read some journals.

I now realize just how lucky I am to have found You.

Thank you for being You.

Your slut
x

7/27/2010 4:11:23 PM
Sir - you make me want to be a better person, a stronger slave and a more submissive sub. 

7/25/2010 2:59:21 PM
We are together so no time to waste writing this.  Happy Days and many more to come.

Later......
What can I say - the only thing I brought back was a bruised arse.  Nice!

Bought shoes with 7" heels - bargain at £4.  Looked at tattoo shops. 

Despite the long drive, the diversions, being hit by another car, a flat tyre and travel sickness, it was still worth it.

7/23/2010 1:32:12 AM
i am a sorry slut.  I am an idiot.

I thought some time to breath and a little caution was what we both needed, I was wrong.  Now I want to throw caution to the wind and just go....  but I forget ... I have commitments not just work but my middle child is living with me 'til end Sept.  I have to stay until then.  Lots of traveling and too many phone calls but it can work, it has to work.  Please don't give up on me.   The sun is shining, which is usually cause for me to celebrate but I just feel......

What do I feel...  I feel if You could cope with this, then I could cope with this.

This morning a couple of harsh words and I am ringing You, crying and begging for forgiveness.

And then a few kind words and I am all smiles again... this is the control You have over me.

I am sure this is love and I am sure I want You as my life partner.  I have never been more sure of anything.

7/21/2010 2:25:40 AM
STRUNG UP

I am hooded and strung up by my arms to one of the beams.   Held on tiptoes.   People are arriving...I can hear them.  Occasionally my nipples are pinched, but mostly they seem to be taking pictures.   The room falls silent.  I strain to hear why....

But the sound I hear is rubber flogger on bare flesh, my flesh.  The strike sends me into a little spin and I hear the click of camera's.  The flogging continues.  I try not to cry out but ....but I am not successful.    Inside the hood it is hot and dark,  the sound of my own breathing is deafening.   A pause.... voices.... the Master is giving instructions asking questions.. "are you right handed ? stand here aim for here" ... I feel the Masters hand run across my shoulder blades...

The first strike is tentative ... gentle almost.  It receives no reaction from me...  the Master is quick to point this out to ..  (I don't know who ?)  The second strike more than makes up for the first,  I am sent spinning and cry out.   "Do you have something to say slut ?"  I remain silent.  "I thought not."  He returns to speaking to ...'The apprentice'... "That was better, go again, maybe try 6 of the best see if you can get a rhythm going."  The first strike is hard and I spin away... so the second strike is across my breasts... I cry out and turn again.  There is no third strike.  The Master speaks again.  "Now did you see her movement and take note that she is avoiding you striking her breasts ?"  I do not hear the answer so assume the apprentice must be nodding.  The Master speaks "then use it"  I am straining to hear what is going on when my breasts are struck hard again, despite me facing, what I considered to be the wrong way.  Now the blows are coming thick and fast, as though the apprentice has found his mark.  But when the Master speaks again I know how wrong I am...."See more like that"  another short pause and the onslaught begins again.    The Master is speaking in the background, and it dawns on me that  I am being used for demonstration purposes.  Then fear fills me as I hear Him say "Don't worry, EVERYONE will get to have a go"   The breast whipping stops and  I feel th Masters hand stroke my arse.   I can feel Him behind me I try to step back into Him, to have Him wrap His arms round me, to comfort me and stoke my aching breasts  His voice whispers in my ear "make me proud slut" 
His takes His hand off my arse but I still feel it and I concentrate on that spot and the memory of his touch, as my breasts and back get attacked again.  "Not so hard ...." I hear Him say "You don't want to break your toy ? do you ?"  I hear a mans voice say "No Sir" and then the Master "We should get one of the ladies to show you how its done."  a womans voice "I would like to try a different weapon, if thats ok ?"  Something is run down my spine and I know it is the crop.  I dance on tiptoe trying to keep my back to her.  She strikes my arse....  the noise seems so loud almost amplified... I think its because the room has fallen silent... I am aware that all eyes are on me... camera's are clicking... I wonder what this woman looks like... what sort of picture are we making ?....  then a missed stroke, back of the right thigh.... I scream and turn away .... immediately I am caught up in Masters arms His hand covers the pain and rubs it away and just as quickly He is gone.

He is speaking to the room again "We have to appreciate that different parts of the body have different pain thresholds .... and that it is up to you to build up the stamina and endurance of your slave... or to even keep those areas sensitive to make punishment easier for yourself." 

A different weapon and another onslaught...  and so it continues ....  I cannot know for how long... I can only know it was all that I could stand.....  I am lost in the pain...  and then without me even realizing it, it stops.  And the sound of people chatting and maybe even drinking.  "We are having a coffee break slut" Masters voice in my ear muffled through the hood "Would you like a cigarette slut ?" I nod - the zipper in the hood is opened enough to expose my mouth and a cig is presented to my lips and held there while I take a long slow drag,  without being able to see Him I know it is the Master holding the cig with His right hand and His left hand has reached around to my arse.  He is applying lube in and around my butt.  On my second drag of the cig he inserts the butt plug.  Again He whispers "Don't want anyone taking what belongs to me."  Then in a voice for the room..."we are going to be starting again in about 5 mins, thank you" 

He attaches clamps to my nipples.  "Just something to keep you amused while we have coffee slut." 

I am let down, my arms are numb and my body is aching.  "Now let me show you what a cock sucking/pussy licking whore she really is, personally I would like to see her lick pussy first... any volunteers ?"

I am maneuvered onto the floor and someone sits on my chest the hood is removed just in time for me to see a pussy coming towards my face.  I begin to lick and suck for all I am worth as she grinds her cunt down on my face... The Master is removing the clamps from my nipples and I can hear him explaining the use of breast pumps ... I can feel the pumps being put on and taken off my breasts and another being put on and taken off my clit... every bit of me is being played with ...tortured,  stretched,  vibrators being inserted .... more pictures.   Then the grinding on my face becomes intense, I can hardly breath and then she is gone, my head is tilted back to accommodate a cock.  I begin to lick and suck and he is trying to face fuck me hard and I am gagging.   A hand on my throat, the Masters voice "gagging is not making me proud" and a slap across the face.  I try to relax into oral whore and the cock returns to face fucking me.   And I am now aware there is a fist in my cunt.   I am at my limit,  but i become aware of one hand.  A gentle hand on my thigh, helping to hold my legs open and I don't now how but I know it is His hand and that I am making Him proud... one fist removed another inserted,  the cock is removed from my mouth and another appears.  I can see the first pussy... she is asking the first cock to fuck her.... 

7/20/2010 3:21:22 PM
Its still raining its pouring ....

Floods and hose pipe bans -  welcome to British summer time.

7/19/2010 9:00:46 AM
I smile so much at the moment it seems a little surreal. 

He asked me (maybe a week or so ago now) if I was just saying all the right things to play the game....  How can I know what the right thing to say is ? ....  But I love that I am saying the right things.  I hope I am doing the right things.

I am feeling like my time now is wasted on finishing my life here, that I should go NOW.  I will be there next weekend ....  I can wait.  Just feel like the rest of my life is not enough ..... I want to spend forever with You.

7/17/2010 4:51:20 PM
re-occurring fantasies

THE CEREMONY

I have selected my Dom and He has agreed to take me as his own.

Naked, as instructed, she kneels before Him and He places a collar around her neck.  Black leather, made to measure,  with a silver bull ring at the front.  He speaks "Tonight my sweat slut you move from sub to slave, there are No hard limits unless imposed by myself, there is only the need to please me.  You will remain silent"

A lead is attached to the collar and she is led outside.  Naked, outside.    He speaks again "We need to remove all previous delusions on what I can and can't do with my property"  He stands tall in front of her, the lead in one hand and the cane in the other.   She wants to cry but doesn't.  She shivers a little and puts it down to the cool breeze on her naked flesh.  "Kneel slut"   She is quick to assume the kneel position and He smiles.  She is pleased.  

He drops the lead in her lap and walks away.   As He returns He speaks again "All day I have been pissing in a jug."  He watches as her jaw drops and an almost inaudible sound emerges from her mouth but quickly she draws breath and closes her lips tight.  Now she really wants to cry.  She is shaking, she knows it is not the cold.    She feels it on the top of her head and tilts her face down so the liquid runs off her hair and not onto her face.  He stops pouring.  "Pick your head up little piggy whore let me see you smile."  She tilts her head back and smiles up at Him, knowing what is to come.  He takes hold of her hair to keep her face up until He has emptied the jug, all over her face, and body.  He takes his cock out, "Open your mouth slut."  She opens her mouth, knowing what is to come.   He begins to piss in her mouth , she is shocked at the amount and the force with which it is being delivered and pulls back.  He catches hold of the back of her hair and returns His cock to her mouth, now she is crying,  He pisses in her mouth in her ears all over her head.  He tells her to get on all fours while He pisses at her cunt and ass, then in her cunt and ass.  She is crying.  When He has finished He removes the collar.  He turns the hose on her,  puts it up her cunt and up her ass, tells her to open her mouth so He can wash it out, tells her to blow her nose so He can wash the tears and snot away.  When she is clean He hands her a towel, you can come inside when you are dry. 

She dries herself and goes inside after him.   On the table is a beautiful new collar, and the cane.  "There is My collar slut, but first pass me the cane....you have a decision to make slut, to take my collar or leave.  I want to cane you while you choose, you may speak.  Now bend over." She takes a breath, He raises his hand to stop her speaking "if you think you can choose the collar in order to get out of being caned, you are wrong slut, I want to cane you therefore I will cane you"  Her voice seems feeble "Sir I will take your collar"

"you don't sound sure, slut"
She speaks again, this time with a little more confidence "Sir I am yours with or without the collar."  she turns and assumes the position.

7/15/2010 4:33:19 AM
Its raining its pouring ....

gonna (I know it should be "going to" but I like my colloquialisms) get wet on the drive to work - cold shower Doh!  the joys of a leaky sunroof.

still have to deal with work which is difficult because there are holidays coming up.  I am honour bond to cover the holidays, and then one of the girls is leaving to stay at home with her baby.  Her  brother has been in training for the last couple of months in readiness to cover for her.....
anyway - I think I owe them sooner rather than later ..... I will take the money over to them tonight .....Wish me luck !

God is good.  Got to work all geared up ready to make my big announcement - when the boss says to me "...and we have sold the shop."  So I said "Brilliant, now I don't have to hand my notice in - I will just work until the change over"

Happy Days ! Sir my finger is closing nostril, I am breathing slow and steady, counting 9 three times.  And as always I am thinking of you.  I am happy to keep the monstrosity.

7/14/2010 4:00:17 PM
My decision has been made I am getting ready to go...

The hesitation is His... He hesitates in letting me into real life... but it is only a matter of time.   I have given him time. 

7/12/2010 2:47:34 AM
All I have to do is pack up the car and go........

All I have to do is hand my notice in at work ......

All I have to do is explain to my kids........

All I have to do is decide......

I wanted to do all that on the first date .....

So now why do I hesitate ?

7/11/2010 1:55:48 AM
The nature of BDSM ......

sometimes things go wrong, which creates a need for a word greater than trust,

things gone wrong

a ball gag incident where I thought my face was being cut into ...
a suspension incident where my circulation was compromised ...
a lubricant incident which I am still not ready to laugh about, although running with a spreader bar could be considered an incident in itself....

The beauty of all above incidents is that the Dom was present to rescue me, to deal with me, to laugh at me.....

Long distance is a problem....

When things go wrong You are not here. 

IMPOSSIBLE TASKS

I understand the concept of impossible tasks in order to justify a punishment session and I can deal with that - infact I am sure the ice-cock fantasy (see prev journal entries) is just that an "impossible task."  And in the piggy fantasy - the don't bite down on the apple is also an "impossible task",  my distress was caused by you lack of faith in me....

You extended my punishment because You thought my txt to You in the morning had come after a brew and a cig...

..but my "good morning" txt had been the first thing I had done.

...it also bothered me that You went on to tell me that is should be "txt" first and that You should be my first thought ..... do I need to be told that ?

I also know I failed on the ground rules so maybe You have lost faith in my ability ....

7/10/2010 3:13:34 PM
I have nothing to say...

I am confused and lost and lonely. 

This was supposed to be fun.....

..... I need sleep.



7/9/2010 5:20:51 AM
Fell at the first hurdle.. i am useless.

Why .... why couldn't I just do as instructed ?

i am an idiot.  A bit of me feels its good to have gotten it out of the way so early on.  To know truly that "He knows best."

Sir, my apology is heartfelt I understand that you have been disappointed by my performance so far... I swear I will try harder.  You are right in everything, I am a strong character because I have had to be .... I need to remember who I want to be.

your slut x

7/8/2010 2:39:56 AM
currently owned by xAdamx - He has full access to my account.  All decisions are His.

Today was a strange day....  You were right and I will speak of him no more.

I am sorry.



7/7/2010 12:22:05 AM
have to help my daughter move house today - but she is coming to me so its all good.

I am owned ... I am happy x

7/6/2010 3:49:41 PM
Sat night

Went to a sex-club in Blackpool with my playdate (Michael) but ended up in a slanging match with some fella.   Nice !  It wasn't my fault....

It was a strange atmosphere at the club.  There was a woman wandering around with a voice like nails on a blackboard telling anyone who would listen that Partners is a better club and how she was the only "Lady" ... and if that wasn't bad enough, during the course of the evening we overheard three different couples rowing.  (Note to self if you hear lots of people in a club saying this is my first time ... run Forest run....)

Late in the evening in the big play room a couple (a blond woman and a ginger bloke, that Michael had offered to swap with earlier) came in and started fucking on the other side of the bed but they disappeared pretty quickly.  (There are no doors in the club)  We could hear them having a bit of a debate outside  and he said something about not being hard.  We just carried on, finished and it was time to leave.

In the locker room while we were getting dressed to go we could hear another couple rowing on the other side of the lockers.  The blond of the "blond/ginger" couple walked past and smiled at Michael he spoke to her,  saying something like "God whats up with everyone tonight ... all these rows " (I don't think he was having a go at her for rowing with ginger, I think he was trying to tell the couple on the other side of the lockers that we could hear them and that they should calm down, the 'hubby' was shouting "so why did you take your knickers off then ?")  Anyway,  SUDDENLY ginger is there in Michaels face screaming "We weren't rowing, we are just good friends, so how could we be rowing and its got fuck all to do with you old man so shut the fuck up, and if you say another word go on just one more word I will head butt you."  Michael just looked down at him quietly smiled and walked away.  And the ginger headed off to another part of the locker room.  Taking his two invisible sheep with him.

I will usually turn the other cheek but he threatened to headbutt Michael (he would have needed a box to stand on) and I saw red.  Michael walked away because it was pathetic but I just lost it ... said something like "Come and have a go at someone that will have a go back"..  Anyway, the hostess arrived just in time to see him pretty much spitting in my face going on one.  We were leaving anyway ....so I just appologised and said we we going and that he was the one who had come over to shout at me ... but in the cold light of day it takes two to tango.

Earlier we had overheard him knocking back a couple because the woman of the couple was a big girl (he didn't say that to her face obviously but we heard him and his "just good friend" talking about it.)  He had also knocked me back ...although the blond had done her best to persuade him, she spanked like a girl...  anyway... where was I.... Oh yeah - I wish I knew him and he could read this because I would want to say "You won't fuck her because she is too fat... You won't fuck me because I am too old... You are in a sex club ffs .... what the fuck do you think ? That Angelina is gonna come looking for a short, ginger man with a bad attitude and a limp dick ?" 

Afterwards I asked Michael how old he thought this bloke looked - he said mid 30's I also asked what age I could pass for and he said 40.   I would like to thank 'ginger' because I keep randomly laughing when I think about it.   

Sunday

Excellent.  Funny how the right person can bring out the slut in me.  Being taken from not doing it on a first date to being a slut with a fist up her cunt on a first date....

There isn't a part of Him that hasn't explored every part of me.. and yet we haven't even kissed.

Monday

Excellent.  There is nothing like a long car journey to test the water of spending real NOT quality time together.   I have fallen head over heals with the beast Adam...  as for Alan I don't want to rush You, this isn't a good time in your life and one of us needs to be cautious ... don't You think ?

Tuesday

knackered, tired, fucked, aching, feeling old.... but with a stupid grin on my face all day ...go figure.

7/2/2010 4:00:55 PM
I have the opportunity to fulfill a fantasy.  But maybe I want the first attempt to be with ...You. 

Things I have tried and like 
I like being told what to do....
I like suspension...
I like being able to resist a little ....
and sometimes I like being given the option to fight back ...

I like a head fuck .......

decisions decisions decisions ... hair and clothes came up today His choice for one my choice for the other.

sounds pretty 50/50 :)

6/30/2010 3:13:04 PM
"she did this" = two wacks

persuaded to forget :)

the thing is most of my horny fantasies are just that fantasy :-

it was slave and in order to produce milk 5 subbie men would come every day to suck each nipple for 15 mins.  Each subbie was allowed to instruct the slut to perform an act of their choosing but only one.  The first subbie to perform the task did so early in the morning and was let in by the Master, it was washing pots.  It turned to expose its bare breasts to the onslaught.  He was hard on both nipples and 15 mins seemed a long, long time.  When he had finished he grinned at it and they both heard the front door close.  "spank me" he said "I can't do that"
"spank me slut" he said as he got on all fours and dropped his trousers.
it began to cry and spank - he began to wank



6/29/2010 2:13:34 PM
Feel like death - my head is banging.    Some sleep - up at 4am being sick - some painkillers and a cup of tea and I think I will live.  Doh

Have a kinda deja-vu weekend going on this weekend - have re-arranged both Sat night playdate and Sunday afternoon tea. 

May have to cancel the playdate though 'cos I have just worked out that the curse is due.

And its nice to get an early morning grope. !

6/28/2010 12:29:41 AM
Still looking for a garden to sunbath in. xxx

I have re-arranged the Sun date.  I was recently asked about relationship development.

If you ask me to be your girlfriend and I say yes - then I assume from that point on we are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  With all that entails - big fights over little things, nights out, anniversary prezzie's and lots of sex.And the option to walk away at anytime. 
Then if you take the next step and you ask me to marry you and I say yes - then again I assume the rules of a husband/wife relationship will apply, little fights over big things, nights in, anniversary meals and not so much sex.  And the option to walk out at anytime.

but what about being your sub - with the next step being your slave ?!?!?

I am your sub , once we have met and agreed ground rules - I do as I am told.  I play the game but I also have the option to safeword and hard limit, until either you ask me to be your slave or I decide to leave.  At this point all the power in the relationship is mine and I HATE it - but it has proven to be a useful learning experience. 
 
I am your slave, when you collar me - I do as I am told.  The rules of this relationship are to be decided by You.   I will love honour and respect You.  (whoever You may be) and there is no option to leave.

I love my sixth sense.


6/27/2010 11:20:31 PM
Got chatting and made arrangements to meet on Sunday (yesterday) for coffee but got stood up - same old, same old. 

I am a bad girl - despite making arrangements to meet for coffee on Sunday - I also made a play date for the Sat night.  I thought I can have my play date - then have my coffee date the next day and if things worked out with the coffee date then I could console myself that it wasn't cheating - one was before the other.  And I am honest with the play date and he knows that is all he is. 

The play date also stood me up.  I am beginning to see a pattern. 

Then to add insult to injury this morning got woken up at 5am and kicked out - Nice !

6/26/2010 1:36:23 PM
The sun really does work wonders for my sex drive - feeling electric.  Could do with a garden to spend tomorrow sunbathing.  Mine only gets sun in the morning.  

6/25/2010 4:32:48 AM
"I am a Dom" (smiles)
LOUDER "I am a Dom" (laughs)
SHOUTS "I am a Dom" (giggles)
SHOUTING ACCOMPANIED BY A STAMP OF THE FOOT AND A WAVE OF THE FIST "I am a Dom" ( And it nods, pats you on your head and says "of course you are dear, if you say so..... and maybe not so quietly slips away)

6/24/2010 3:45:17 AM
Day 2 - and I feel good - the sun is shining AGAIN and I am pretty much brown all over.  Have a white triangle where my pubes should be.  Onwards and Upwards.

Think there are crumpets in the freezer... whoo hoo !  Nice to have some peace.  Taking pics off really does work wonders.

6/23/2010 3:47:02 AM
Not looking to speak to anyone new at the moment.  Feeling like my "desperation" is leaving me open to abuse (and not in a good way)

Its very easy when you are mad at one man to hate all men, I don't use hate often but I am so full of negative emotions - I need ..... I wish I knew what I needed would make looking for it so much easier.

6/22/2010 3:43:39 AM
the rag and bone man caught me sunbathing naked.  Oooops   

(Rag 'n' Bone man = sometimes "gypsy's" or "travellers" who ride round usually on a flat back truck looking for scrap metal - although they will take anything they consider useful including old clothes. )  Its the being on the back of the truck that allowed him to see over the wall and catch me.  I am sure he has pictures on his mobile of me making a hasty retreat. 

DungeonOfDarkness is probably the most detailed profile I have ever seen and it made me think, I hate thinking.

6/21/2010 2:02:30 AM
Day 13

The sun is shining, again.   Going to top up my tan.

Doh ! have ended up with white creases at the bottom of my arse - just gonna bend over and get rid of them.

6/20/2010 6:34:29 AM
I see you in the shadows.  And I think it is dark and scary there.   But still I look ... 

Busy bee today..... and got out of doing an airport run at 4am this morning.

With regards to friends - everyone this is Michael and Michael this is everyone.  Although I have accepted his friend request he does not appear as a friend. 

With regards to 3rd date, chemistry is as fickle as I am. 

6/19/2010 1:53:46 PM
someone had nicked my profile picture and used it on their own profile.  We had words and the situation is now resolved.

How flattering, she is saying she is 28 (not that you can believe her 'cos she is a picture nicker)  but I thought how nice that my arse will pass for 28 Whoo hoo !

6/18/2010 5:09:11 AM
still ill - woke up coughing a lung up - I am so sexy ! 



6/17/2010 1:17:50 AM
He doesn't like me using "it" when referring to myself.  So I would like to say, the sun is shining and I am happy.  Should go get some wax strips and sort my legs out.  ouch.

I am a bad girl.   

Re-read my journal from the beginning and its ok apart from I don't half go on about karaoke ....

Found a Sunday karaoke which suits me because I am off on Monday, but they didn't start until really late and too many single blokes.  So I found a Thurs karaoke near work and the karaoke blokey went off to be a red coat for Butlins.  So I found another Thurs karaoke near home and they ran a competition - then sacked the karaoke blokey on the night of the final, found out tonight when I went to sit in a very quiet, very empty pub.  But I am still ill so probably better didn't sing.    Will probably go back to the Sun karaoke.



6/16/2010 4:32:39 PM
2nd date

sex shop shopping Nice !

think it scared someone off outside - he seemed to be heading to shop  but veered off when he saw that was where we were going.

He bought a cane.  (His lack of toys is a concern)
Later....Took a drive and it cleared my head and it is a happy slut, thinking of Plan A and clown feet.  x  And it knows it is going to pay for that later.

AAANNNDDD made arrangements for Date 3 xxx

6/16/2010 2:11:33 AM
Feeling a bit better and it is ashamed to have used the F word, tut, tut, tut, it is a bad girl.

...it wrote in previous profile that it will remain polite as long as you do.  (it lives in a sty and therefore knows how to fight dirty) just feeling the need to repeat myself.

So you can call it "too cocky" and "a hard bitch" and "not a proper slave".... and you are right.  But it can see nothing wrong with that.  Whats wrong is you can only Dom someone innocent, naive and stupid.

6/15/2010 4:32:06 PM
Why doesn't it take profile off then ???

'Cos it has been here before and things obviously didn't work out and it is too lazy to do it all again.

'Cos it likes reading profiles and blocking them - makes any future search that little bit easier.

'Cos it like receiving messages from idiots and then ragging them.

And the best reason of all - 'cos now it knows it pisses you off.

If pro-Dommes, people just looking for friends and slaves that are owned can all have a profile then why the fuck are you questioning me ?

6/15/2010 3:34:30 AM
It loves McDonalds.  It does not need to be spoilt or treated or shown a good time.

In the words of Thumper..."If you can't say something nice, then don't say nothing at all"

Piggy is ill and having a bad day.

6/14/2010 8:47:10 AM
macdonalds and foreign football

first date's are always interesting.

he is tall and then some
he is not American
he does not smoke .....

it shouldn't be such a picky pig

6/13/2010 3:02:00 AM
it has arranged a date for tomorrow - it may be reading mails but it is not answering them.

it is getting messages along a similar vain,

answer
it knows that when it commits it will be for life and that although its life is unhappy at the moment it is just treating it as being in  training.  You can be safe in the knowledge that if the going gets tough this whore can and will cope.

with ref to face pics - its a case of nice arse - shame about the face.  It is not 'apiggywhore' because it has a curly tail.

6/12/2010 7:24:26 PM
stolen from LovingDom2 who borrowed it from someone else, love the sentiment  but have edited it a little.

This is not about games, sex or pain.  My slavery is not something I put on from time to time, it exists at a core level and is part of who and what I am. To be held within protocols and routines that are set by He who owns me would give me continual comfort.  I know that everywhere I go and in everything I do, I am accountable to He who Owns me, that His judgment shapes my life every moment of the day.  It is so much more than whips and sex and bruises all of which fade over time.  It is spirit, mind and body all focused on one purpose - to please Him.  Ultimately whatever it is a slave will become is shaped by the preferences and efforts of her Owner.  His time and effort are required to shape Her behaviour, attitudes and physical condition into His creation.He will never need to look back to see if I follow, where else would I be ? 

6/12/2010 1:51:24 PM
it is getting messages asking the same question - the answer is

Too extreme is (for example)

it gives itself to Dom A
Dom A then sells it to Dom B
Dom B gives it to his son
as a birthday present

father and son then use it
to teach the boy how to keep a slave

AAAnnnd its good that it is old because then the son doesn't run any risk of getting too attached and can abuse it properly.

AAAANNNDDD the boy is 17 da da daaaaa in 3 months

...And if things didn't work out then Dom B would return it to Dom A who would then  find another Dom to sell it to (obviously at a reduced rate because now it is second hand goods)

Above is what it has been offered - NOT what it has done. 

ref pics whoo hoo it has succeeded



6/11/2010 2:15:15 AM
day 4 - time goes by so slowly

It is very aware it is not ready to do this .....

It is tired... 

6/10/2010 4:53:57 PM
reading through mails - forgot what fun it is.

got two pages to get through so it may be some time.

Had to take a break from "does it got kids" 
Please don't hurt yourself trying to work out why it blocked you. 

6/10/2010 2:06:14 PM
it is in a karaoke competition - made the final - could win £250 whoo hoo

Other than karaoke
it has nothing in its life.
it is free to relocate but it is in no rush - trust is vital in any relationship but the nature of what it offers means it must trust its Master.



6/9/2010 4:30:47 PM
it used to be Michaelsslut.  So it has seen all the copy/pasting before.

Side note - saw Michael on this site the other day - it smiled at the thought of having converted someone. 

still trying with pictures Doh !

ref from most recent attempt at finding a Dom ...
"you are a grafter, a worker, great housewife material and a caring person........"

Please note he does not say pretty or sexy or funny or  ... well you get the picture.

6/9/2010 3:09:24 AM
Day Two (that's gotta stop)

it is not an idiot
it does smoke
it has tattoo's
it is not looking to relocate to the US of A
it is looking for 24/7 ownership


6/8/2010 1:32:34 AM
Day One.

Fresh start, clean slate.

OMG it is overwhelmed by messages.  it has to go to work, will try and reply to all tonight.

it is a work zombie
it gets up has a shower
watches a bit of day time tv
goes to work
comes home
watches a bit more tv
goes to sleep (9 times out of 10 on the couch)
gets up
has a shower
watches tv
goes to work
except on Sundays and Mondays
when it spends most of the morning sunbathing
and most of the afternoon wanking

But now it is answering mail Doh !

Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
hottiealysson
 
 Age: 29
 Germany