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MasterUnderstand
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| While my ultimate goal is to find a Dom/Master to whom i can submit for the rest of my life, i know that takes time and no one can determine right off the bat if things will work out that way. i understand that. That being said, i have enough casual sex friends at this point in my life so please pass me by if that's what interests You... not that i judge that because i DO have a fuck buddy or two... it's just that i neither want nor need more than what i have at this point in time.
Please do not judge me for what You THINK i am - take the time to get to know me if You'd like... please do not send me a message just to tell me what You THINK You know about me. If You're interested in chatting with a woman who is honest, open, and not into playing mind games, feel free to drop me a line... i've been told on many occasions that i'm not Your typical woman - and i take that as a compliment.
If You chose not to contact me for whatever reason, good luck in Your search.
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Work is finally back to normal. No longer working 15 hour shifts every night. i am, however, beginning to think that i may just be destined to continue on the way i have been - with no one by my side. i think i'm ok with that. |
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Busy, busy, busy. The theme of my life. At least i'm makin good money being busy this time. Tonight is my 17th night in a row. Finally getting a night off tomorrow and then i only have to work another 7 nights to get another one off :)
i think there must be a name for this sickness that i have that i thrive on being stressed out. The busier i am, the more i get accomplished. Definitely sick. |
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FYI... if long hair is a deal breaker - it's no longer long. Actually, it's quite short at the moment. i needed a change and cut 13" off my hair the other day. It no longer even touches my shoulders unless i lean my head to the side :) i'll probably grow it back out. Probably. |
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Again, i find myself busy, busy, busy. Yet i'm not fulfilled. And i don't know how to slow down the busy. i've spent so long working so hard to do and be so many things that i find myself at a total loss when presented with free time. i need to figure out how to rectify that. On a good note, i love my new job that i started in August. i think i finally found my nitch. Of course, that's where part of the busy comes in. i find myself behind in my charting (which i can do at home). i have to find a way to keep up. It's so easy to snuggle up with a book as opposed to firing up the laptop and getting to work once i'm home and in my jammies :) i got partway caught up on Monday and am working on catching up some more tonight (well, i will after i get off here... lol). Anyway, that's about all that's going good in life right now. Can't work up my give a shit about school right now. Need to work on that too :)
All right. Back to making money.
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It's always amazing to me how fast time goes by. i thought being out of school for the summer would free up some time. As it turns out, i find myself working more to fill that time. For instance, i picked up overtime at the hospital and have worked 127 hours in 14 days. i sometimes wish i had less drive to work. Of course, if i had someone to share time with, i think i would. No sense in sitting home alone, eh? Not when i can be making money to continue getting caught up on bills. Now, i will find myself truly alone for the summer as the kids leave the beginning of the week and probably won't be home until right before my son goes back to school. Hmmmm... maybe i'll find someone to help fill the hours...
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So,
how long does it take to recover? i realize more each day how lucky i
was/am to get out of the situations i seem to have the knack for putting
myself into. It still hurts though. To feel stepped on, used, and taken
advantage of. Again, i'm mature enough to take responsibility for my
part in these things but i can't help but wonder sometimes, why do
people use each other? Why do people lie? Do you really believe the
things you say? How do you sleep at night, knowing you're just using
someone who's heart wants nothing more than to make someone happy? How
do you live day to day knowing that you're crushing a good person?
Ok, so maybe i should be asking myself, why do i continue to put
myself into the position of being used? Why do i keep falling for the
guys that don't seem to even consider what they're doing to me? Of
course, i'd have to take a good, hard look at things and i don't really
want to do that. Then i would be the cause of my own pain. i miss the
carefree days when i didn't second guess everything i do and everything
the 1 i'm with does. i used to be so trusting. i miss not being able to
trust those that i associate with. Not that i don't trust some. Some
have been nothing but up front about things - and i trust Him
implicitly. i trust Him with my body and mind. Never once, not even for a
second, worrying that He'll hurt me. Because i know He won't. i will be eternally grateful that He has only ever marked me physically
(which i love) and not emotionally like the rest.Too bad
there's no permanent future there. Leave it to me to put myself into
THAT situation. Unfortunately, thanks to a few, everyone new in my life
falls under a lil bit of a shadow. That hurts too. Not being able to
just trust. Maybe that's what i miss most. Maybe that's why i keep doing
what i do. i just want to trust someone again.
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So, a new year is well on it's way. Glad i only have 2 classes this semester. Chemistry is not quite as dreadful as i figured it would be. It might be that i'm getting this organic stuff a bit more than i had hoped. Of course, only 2 weeks in might be a bit too soon to tell but a girl can hope, right? i'm about going out of my mind in need of a play date. Had 1 set up for last week but got offered a few hours of overtime at the hospital that i couldn't pass up. Now it's going to be another 2 1/2 weeks before another one can happen. *sigh* i'll live. i just wish it wasn't going to be so long to wait. Have i ever mentioned i don't have any patience to speak of? Well, i don't. Guess i should be thankful that i have homework and 2 jobs to help occupy my mind if not my body :)
Ok, guess i should climb my ass in bed. Meh, maybe a bubble bath first...
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Let me just say that it's been a long fall. School has been keeping me so busy i can't hardly even think straight. Had my Chemistry midterm today and i had absolutely no clue what i was doing. i only got 65 out of 100 on the exam but the professor is pretty cool and he made the homework (which he didn't even look at) worth 86 and he grades on a curve. So, the highest score was a 95. With that and my homework, i'm pulling 83% in the class. Not too bad considering i just about failed the exam. And, to top it off, there's a chance to get 30 extra credit points. i think i should be able to pull a solid 3.0 in his class. Then there's the Foundations of Nursing class... have a paper due Nov 5th that i haven't even thought about yet. i still have to pick a topic even. Ok, not gonna sweat that too much. i'll get to it the middle of next week. i'm hoping someone from work can help me pick a topic. Got cancelled for 4 hours tonight which i needed. i've been up since 8 this morning so it'll be nice to have a couple hour nap before i call in at 9 to see if i'm going to get the rest of the night off. Not going to hold my breath tho - i'll probably have to go in but some naps better than none. Ok, enough of an update - my electric blanket awaits... lol
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Well, here we go again. School, work, sleep, work, school, sleep... repeat for weeks and weeks... lol Again, i was tempted to try to squeeze in a 4th online class and am incredibly grateful that i didn't. Just a week in and i'm already wondering when i'm going to get all this homework done. It doesn't help that i only sleep a couple of hours at a time so my mind isn't as straight as it could be. Guess i should be grateful that one of my profs pulled our class because of the strike. At least it's a day or two of only having 2 classes. As long as we don't have to make up the assignments that we should be doing! A little of the stress will let up after Friday. i have my ACLS class for work the next 2 nights so that's extra reading and studying to fit in. Ok, going to try to get some more Chemistry homework done and then maybe another couple of hours' sleep... wish me luck!
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i wish i knew why so many men are only looking for something with no strings. i understand that we can't know where things will go straight off the bat. What boggles my mind is there are so many that don't want any kind of a relationship. i do appreciate, however, the honesty in admitting that but i'm too far along in my life to add anyone else to my list of fuck buddies. i wouldn't mind having someone to share rainy days with at some point.
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Ok, so school's over til the fall. i just couldn't bring myself to register for summer classes. i need some free time damn it! How in the hell am i supposed to find the Man of my dreams if i never have time to do anything but work and sleep? Oh yeah, throw in mowing the freakin lawn every 4 days! lol
i'm really putting the apps out to pick up another job as a nurse so i can quit the $12 an hour job i keep for a bit extra. Shit, i'll be paying for my college and my daughter's college come fall - i'll REALLY need extra then.
So, they called me off for the first 4 hours tonight but i'm pretty sure i'll have to be there at 11. That's ok, gives me a few extra hours to put apps in :)
Looking forward to being on the bike as well. Been riding as often as this fickle Michigan weather allows. 40 is still a bit chilly to ride the 35 miles home from the hospital at 8 am tho. The knee is all but screaming at me by the time i get home so i might have to wait til it gets a bit warmer before i'm riding to and from the hospital. Oh well, such is life!
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So, only another couple of weeks of school left. i'm hoping to pull a solid 3.0 but i'm not sure as 2 of my 3 profs are behind in grading so i'm not really sure where i stand with only a couple of assignments to turn in. Oh well - can't change it anyway so there's not a whole lot of sense in worrying about it. Meanwhile, i'm still looking for another nursing job to work part time. i happen to be having a pretty good time of things lately. i think i'm going to skip summer classes so i can have a bit of free time this summer. i think i deserve that :)
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Well, i had been talking to someone who seemed very nice. We had had a few email conversations which moved to texting and talking on the phone. For some reason, my texts weren't getting thru apparently and i got accused of meeting someone else. Well, i don't play that way. When i'm chatting with someone and start talking about meeting (which, by the way, i prefer to do sooner rather than later and i had told said person to call but there was apparently a misunderstanding and it never happened - THAT'S when the text messages started to not be received), i am only talking to 1 person at a time - other than the friends i have made here. i do not line up multiple guys at the same time. Hell, i hardly have time to work out meeting one new guy!
So, if you decide you've changed your mind about meeting someone, let's just pull up our big boy pants and send a nice "hey, sorry but I changed my mind" email, k? i'm a big girl - i can handle that. i do not, however, appreciate being left hanging like it was all a technology fuck up - especially when you delete my mail unread.
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7 weeks into classes and i'm glad i stuck with 12 credits and didn't push for 16. i'm not gonna get a 4.0 this semester but i'm confident i can pull a 3.5 or better at the rate i'm going. Of course, that outlook could change depending on what i get on the Ethics exam i took last week... lol i struggle with that class. It seems like everyone in that field just talks in circles and uses extraneous words to confuse the shit out of me. i'm all about short but sweet. Alas, i will struggle through the remaining 9 weeks (of which next week is spring break so no classes) and do the best i can. Good thing there's playtime to relieve some stress :)
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Wishing all a safe and happy New Year. May we all find what we need. |
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Well... where does the time go? i am astounded that Christmas is only a week away.
Ok, so playtime has been once a week - nothing unusual but i find myself craving more - even though i know there's not time for more. Hey, i didn't say it was a rational craving :)
Nuff about what i can't change... things going on in my life: my daughter's trans went out last week, i registered for classes last week, i talked my ex into getting his parents to let my daughter borrow their extra vehicle til i can buy her a new one - probably within the next 3 weeks i'm hoping, and i got a line on a contingent position. Whew - been busy - no wonder i'm tired... lol
i hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holiday season!! |
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Alrighty then... it's official - i'll be back in school in January to finish my Bachelor's. i just got my admission letter to the school of Nursing and signed up for my orientation in November. Woohooo!!! That means i only have to make one payment on my student loans this year... lol
So, the job is great. i actually went on an interview for another job yesterday but i don't think they'll offer it to me as she wasn't overly thrilled that i already worked full time somewhere else. Besides, after some serious thought, i'm not so sure i can pull off 60 hours a week anyway. That would only give me 1 day a week that i wasn't either coming home from work at 8 am or leaving at 5 pm. It would also mean working every weekend, which i have no desire to do. So, back to the drawing board. Looks like i'll have to wait to pick up another job til i have a year experience and then i can be contingent somewhere. That'll probably work out better since i'll soon have schoolwork to contend with anyway... |
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Ok... i'm officially off probation and moving to midnights the end of this week. i still have 1 week of class that i'll have to be on days for but i will be off orientation on Sept 1st. i can't wait to be on my own.
There are several people in my life who have had a lot of faith in me - even when i didn't have so much in myself... it's been a very long road and there's One in particular who has provided a LOT of help to me... in more ways than one. Somehow thank You just doesn't cover it but it's the best i can do... so, if You read this - thank You so much... thank You from the bottom of my heart... the things You've done for me (both in and out of the lifestyle) are more than anyone could ask for... |
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So, i did it. i took my boards on Tuesday and found out yesterday that i passed!!! Woohoo!! i am so geeked i can barely sit still. It's such a weight off having it done and over. So, now i can concentrate on moving thru my orientation so i can move to the midnight shift ASAP. After August 10th, i'll be off probabtion officially and able to pull some overtime shifts. i can't wait - then i'll be able to quit the second job and take just a lil more stress out of my life... |
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How time flies when you're having fun... can't believe school's been out for 4 weeks already. Which also means i wrecked the motorcycle 4 weeks ago and got my new job 3 1/2 weeks ago. Guess it's been a busy month. No wonder i don't have time for anything. So, i signed a 2 year contract at the hospital and this week marks my first full week on the floor. i take my state boards June 3rd - so say a prayer for me. |
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Wow... only 3 more weeks of school... i can't believe the end is finally this close. i also can't believe that i'm looking at going back to school in the fall but i figure if i survived 2 years of a full time job and going to school full time, i can handle 1 or 2 days a week of school to get my Bachelor's... that's not, however, my ultimate goal - that's just a stopping point on the way to my Master's. i'm seriously contemplating teaching in the future - something i've never considered before... wish me luck! |
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*sigh* So much has gone on since my last post... too many places to keep up with i suppose... and, i figure here is the last place anyone looks sooo...
i've loved and i've lost... that's ok - that's the story of life so far for me. It's probably a good thing that i'm a "glass is half full" kinda girl or i might just be about to give up. But, alas, here i am - plugging along... waiting for that white knight to sweep me off my feet.
Graduation is finally within sight - which means (hopefully) i can lead a relatively normal life this summer. Now the mad dash is on to find a job. Got a lead or two - so cross Your fingers for me please.
i have a VERY incredible Dom that i've been seeing casually for somewhere near 3 years now... can't say enough good about Him... He's everything in a casual relationship that a sub could ask for and more. He's taught me many things - both about the lifestyle and about myself and i will forever be in His debt for that.
And, with that said... i should probably be off... |
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Quite honestly, i'm feeling pretty shitty right now... got some personal issues that i need to deal with before i go out of my fuckin mind. Doesn't help that yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of the suicide of someone i loved very dearly... so, i'm down about that and feeling pretty invisible right now... if it were only that easy... maybe Bri didn't have the wrong idea after all. Again - if it were only that easy. i can honestly say i haven't been this discontent in a very long time. i'm going to have to take some time in the very near future to sort my emotions/wants/needs out. Wish me luck. |
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This story was inspired by Thor... The FirstTime
she waited with bated breath... the anticipation nearly driving her insane. They had been together more than once but had never taken the final step. The feelings she had for Him were hard for Her to acknowledge; but she couldn't get Him out of her mind... not even when she was with someone else. There was something about the way He touched her... the way He looked at her that made her want to be with Him like she hadn't wanted to be with anyone in far too long. Taking this step - finally coming together as intimately as two people can - was something she had looked forward to since taking Him in her mouth the first time.
Thinking back, she could feel the moisture gathering between her legs... could feel her nipples tightening and becoming hard peaks... remembering the feel of His lips on hers... His lips on her neck... His fingers skimming over her flesh... pinching and pulling her nipples as they roamed across them. A small, wicked smile crept over her face as she remembered the feel of his hard shaft as she freed it from the confines of His jeans and the look on his face as her hand wrapped around the shaft. A small sigh escaped her lips as she recalled the warm, salty taste of Him as she licked the drop of moisture as it leaked out. her hand crept between her legs as she lost herself in the memory of how hard His cock was as she wrapped her warm lips around Him... her fingers working softly on her mound as she remembered His hand tangling in her hair as she worked Him over... her saliva coating Him - making it wonderfully slick as she watched the liquid working up and out when she wrapped her small hand around Him and started stroking Him.
This is how He found her...her eyes closed... her face flushed... her hand between her legs. He stood in the doorway watching her. Marveling at what He saw - surprised that she hadn't heard Him come in. He hoped He wasn't being too forward by letting Himself in without knocking. He smiled to Himself - thinking she probably wasn't going to mind too much judging by the state she was in. He reached down and adjusted Himself as He listened to the small sounds escaping her lips as she rubbed herself... her noises always drove Him crazy. He walked quietly to where she was sprawled on the couch and caught her startled gasp in His mouth as He kissed her. "What has you so preoccupied that you didn't even hear Me come in?" He asked after He broke the kiss. Redness crept up her face as she admitted, "i was thinking of how Your cock feels in my mouth, Sir." His only response was a groan as He fisted His hand in her hair and dragged her to her feet. He pressed His lips to hers as His hands started their roam of her body. As He felt the hem of her shirt, He pulled it off over her head... His hands went to the clap on her bra as His lips went for her neck... and her hands started to undress Him. They both groaned as her hard peaks brushed against His chest and He crushed her to Him as his lips and teeth turned her legs to jelly. As she melted, He lowered her to the couch. He undid her pants and worked them and her thong off her legs. He stood looking... He loved the look in her eyes when she was like this... loved the flush that had her skin glowing. When she reached for Him, He lowered Himself to her. Putting His mouth to her ear He whispered, "i want to see You on the cross. I want you bound there when I fuck you." The harshness of His words had her groaning and grinding her soaked pussy against His leg. He pulled her up and she obediently fetched the cross... standing it up in the livingroom. While she did this, He carried in the box He had brought with Him and found His ankle and wrist restraints that she would wear for the first time. Her breath caught when she saw Him pull out a collar and He could see the fear in her eyes. "Don't worry, this is for tonight only if that's how you want it," He said. She had told Him some of her past - just enough so that He knew the depth of her fear and He didn't want to scare her off. "Come here," He commanded. Slowly, her head hanging, she obeyed. "Good girl. you know I won't hurt you, right?" He asked. "Yes, Sir," she said as she brought her eyes to His. she raised first one hand and then the other for Him to put the cuffs on. Then, she lifted one leg and then the other. "Hold your hair up for Me," He said. He noticed the small tremor in her hands as she did as she was told and a thrill of satisfaction coursed through Him. He loved it when she was nervous - it fed His desire. He fastened His collar around her neck. He held her at arm's length and looked at her. "You are beautiful. I hope you'll want to wear my collar for more than play soon. It looks like it belongs there." With that, He led her to the cross and kissed her one last time before facing her towards it. He fastened first her wrists and then her ankles to the eyehooks and stood back to admire her. With her legs spread, He could see her juices starting to run down the tops of her thighs and felt His cock jerk a little. He walked up to her as He unzipped His jeans. As He pulled his rock hard shaft out, He pressed himself to her and whispered in her ear, "I've been waiting a long time for this. I hope you don't mind if I fuck you hard and fast the first time. I'm not going to last long once I push my cock inside of your hot snatch. This is all I've been able to think of slut." "Please, Sir, fuck me... i want You to fuck me hard... i need You inside of me... i need to feel You pumping Your seed deep inside of me," was her reply. Before she was even finished with her sentence, He was burying Himself inside of her. She squealed at the invasion. The size of His cock was so much different than having His fingers inside of her. she pushed her ass back as He pulled His cock almost all the way out and then drove it back into her... that was all it took... she felt her orgasm rush to the surface and cried out as her muscles contracted around His shaft. With a groan, He reached around and found her clit as He pushed Himself as deeply inside of her as He could. she felt His muscles tense as He emptied Himself into her while her pussy squeezed Him... milking every last drop. He dropped His head to her shoulder as the last tremors ran through Him. she could feel His breath on her neck and smiled... knowing she held some of the power because she was the reason He couldn't hold back. He heard her small sigh of contentment and told her. "That was round one. As soon as I get my breath back, we'll start round two. I brought many toys with me. I can't wait to see what you like and what you don't." He chuckled as he felt the shiver course through her body. |
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Ok - i REALLY thought the screen name would have been self-explanatory. Where exactly, do You THINK i'm pierced? Sorry but am sick to death of getting that question. i wish ppl would take 5 seconds to think before they hit the send button. |
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An update... i've run across someone that interests me - please understand if i don't answer a message sent. i've been (for some reason unknown to me) receiving quite a bit of mail here lately. To be quite honest, i probably won't be replying to many if any at all. Please don't take it personally - someone just got here before You :-) |
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Have i finally found somoene i want to spend more than the occasional playdate with?? |
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Ok... i finally reached a state of exhaustion. Not exhaustion from work. Not exhaustion from school. But exhaustion from someone playing your body like a finely tuned violin... *insert shit-eating grin here* i didn't write about it when it happened as it took me a while to actually convince myself that it did... but damn, i can't wait for it to happen again... |
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Well, it's been a VERY long year but... woooohoooo!!! today is my last day of school for the year! i do have a final exam Monday morning but that hardly counts as i'll be home by 10:30 am. i'm hoping to make up some lost time over the next 8 weeks and get some serious amounts of relaxation in as that's been in seriously short supply since school started last September. Then, of course, it's back to the rat race with work and school to deal with but my classes will be 1 less so i'll only be in school 20 hours a week instead of the 23 that i added to my 40 work hours this year. And, it'll all pay off at the endish of April next year when i finish. i can't believe i lived thru this hell of having my schedule change every 7 1/2 weeks... lol i'll be so glad when i can get a 3 day a week job... maybe that'll free up some playtime... *sigh* Oh well... eventually... |
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Ok... here i go being unsubmissive again in some ppl's eyes. Please do NOT expect me to follow Your every command just because You consider Yourself Dominant. D/s is a respect thing in my mind and You need to earn my respect before You can ever possibly think i should do as You say just cuz You said so. That being said, i'm pretty sure it says somewhere that i'm only submissive in the bedroom - outside of that i am my own person and expect the same respect that i give. If i failed to mention that very important fact about myself, i sincerely apologize. In addition to that, i can be a rather mouthy submissive at times too - so, if You're looking for unconditional surrender with no questions asked, please - do us both a favor and pass me by... |
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Alrighty then... at the risk of sounding very unsubmissive... please do NOT expect a reply if the most imaginative thing You can think of to write is Hello, Hi or How are you today... none of those taken by themselves should EVER be considered a message worth sending - at least to me on a first contact. i consider myself a fairly intelligent, (if a lil bitchy) woman and i'd like to limit my communication to those with whom i can carry on a conversation. If Your imagination doesn't run past the previously mentioned sentences, i won't be responding - just a lil FYI as i try to respond to all - at least on an initial contact... |
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No soap box tonight... just a lil note... i've met a couple of ppl from here in person. So far, i've had really good luck... i'd like to just say thank You to the ones who've helped (and may help in the future) me to learn and experience... xoxoxo |
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Ok... i try not to get on my soapbox too often but... i specifically ask to see a pic... plz do not get all righteous on me when You send me a message saying You can send a pic if i want to talk and then, upon me saying "yeah, send a pic," You send it and i'm not attracted and, therefore, have to give You the "sorry You're not my type" response. i mean, come on, You already know You're attracted to what i look like - at least give me the same privilege. i'm just honest - don't want to lead anyone on when i'm relatively sure i'm not ever going to be interested in a face-to-face meet and that's what i'm here for - not a bunch of cybering. i'm sorry it hurts Your feelings - but You wouldn't contact me initially if You didn't like something about the way i look. i should be shown at least that same consideration. If You have a pic, why not just send it in the first place??? |
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K, it's Friday night, i've been cancelled on yet again... lol Nah - it's all good - sometimes things just weren't meant to be - and i can accept that. Gonna go hang with some girlfriends instead - shoot some pool... flirt with some guys and have a few drinks... |
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Well... thanks for all the interest... it's very flattering i must admit as i see nothing special when i look in the mirror. Then, i start to wonder... are there just that few females out there that You're all willing to jump at anything with a pussy?? i sure as hell hope not - cuz that would be a hell of a kick in the ass...... |
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Well, so far so good... 2 days into this new venture and i've already come into contact with several really nice ppl. i know the contacts will diminish as new meat pours on the scene and i'm ok with that. i'd like to make a request - which i've already added to my profile... but i'd greatly appreciate it if You would send a pic along with the email - after all, You know what i look like and i think it's all fair. That being said, looks aren't everything - it's not like i'm anything special - but i do have a certain "type" i guess You'd call it that i tend to gravitate toward just like anyone that contacts me is more likely than not attracted by what i look like. Even if we don't click over looks, i'm very rarely opposed to making new friends... |
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| Age: 24 |
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Florida |
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