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Love is infinite...
It comes for you unwanted, and undivided.
It steals your attentions, drains your judgements.
It finds the weakest link that hides within you.
Love breaks you, it pieces you back together.
Finds you and loses you again.
It leaves you empty and comes back...
To feel you up again.
It builds you back up...
Brings you back to your knees as they give out beneath you...
Gives you the strength to stand again on rubber legs..
Leaves, you vulnerable.
Peels back your mask..It sees past your eyes and through your soul.
It exposes You...
You can try to push it away...
But, a heart doesn't move, it only accepts what merely is...
As the mind wanders the heart stands tall and strong.
It won't be budged, Does that leave us any less naked?
Love is infinite
I am vulnerable, exposed, my rubber legs have struggled to find ballance...
My heart won't let me fall, will not let me close my eyes...
Love is beautiful.
Blinding....Deafening
It defies gravity...
It merely is.
Infinite,Indefinite.
I am vulnerable, I am in love. |
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Ocean waves... softly in my mind...
Tangible surroundings crumble beneath the undertow...
The shore of my thoughts greets the loneliness...
Eyes closed... lids I refuse to open.
I don't want to watch the insanity...
Drown the tears in my ocean of sorrow.
Confide it in a dream...
Put my message in a bottle...let it float with empathy.
where conquered dreams are shared..
In the comfort of my mind.
Looks can be deceitful..
So peaceful she looks as she sleeps..
Swimming that ocean of sorrow.
If I open my eyes will it stop?
Perhaps, it's safer here.
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The arrogance on this site is overwhelming.
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Another sleepless Night, Another day that drifted along the abstract.
Another minute wasted pondering what should have been, or what is to come.
Like a wise man once "Life Happens when You're busy making other plans"
Another week of passing time, Another day that brings me closer to my inevitable end.
A question remains, What beauties have my eyes missed out to glance upon?
While staring off into the endless void
Do I dare to keep dreaming? Do I dare to waste my time waking up another day.
Repeating, just like all the ones before
Do I dare cling to hope, when all is lost and I've reached the point of no return.
I use to strive for apathy, wasting my days desperately searching for it.
Until it finally found me.
Another day of being numb, Another wreckless day.
As another question surfaces...
What will this day hold? How many more before the breaking point.
I've reached the end of my rope, but I'm still merely hanging on by the threads.
clinging to this day , like it's the one I've been waiting for .
Knowing nothing will come of it, I patiently wait for Tomorrow.
I wait for the day I find the strength within myself....
To simply let go |
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Quiet, not a sound, no noise can be heard.
A stale mind, deafened and cold to the warm world
The undead stagger the plagued lands..
spreading it's virus, left unmesmerized by the faint beauty
that masks an ugly world.
Meaningless journeys have drained them of strength.
In the persuit of happiness they have found contentment
in shallow graves clinging to that desperation..
Swirling out of control, into the void.
The becoming of the emptiness that she is...
Open eyes that can not see, pupils dialated.
robotic movement, malnurished, starving
for the blood under stained bandages
of what was meant to be but would never come...
Facing the cruel reality of what is and what will always be...
A wound that will never heal, a scar that will never fade.
The mere fact remains of fallen civilization.
The undead staggers blindly through the wilted forest
feeds from life of decaying sources.
insecurity left her there....dirty,sick and cold
Upon the ruins of a civilization that never was.
Merely chasing a pipe dream, the tainted can not be cleansed.
Ashes are ashes, dust is dust.. The undead one in the same.
staggering across the waste lands down the path
to her meaningless words....into the comfort of the shadows.
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Dom Con Atlanta 08 was a blast....had some great classes Artemis was as beautifully sadistic as ever with her ropes, Insatiable was awesome,Lady D is always awesome, heard Master dale's interrorgation scene was the shit but some tard told me the wrong room and I watched a different presentation on the laws of probable cause to search or something that was pretty interesting....Had a wonderful turn out this year...saw alot of new faces and old faces met some wonderful people...The after parties were crowded but alot of fun...can't wait to do it again next year. |
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Looking forward to seeing old and new faces at'll be there DomCon this weekend if You see me about feel free to say hello I will be there all weekend
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i love this song
"slut" by velvet acid christ
well it may sound absurd
i want to be a wreck for you
smash out my honor on your floor
fill up your bathtub with my moods
well it may sound a little frightening
i want to swallow all of your skin
chew your soft tissue into ash
beat your ego black and blue
i will be your doll
i will be your hole
i will crush your bones
i will abrade your soul
i will be your toy
i will be your thing
i will tear you down with the twist i bring
i will be your doll
i will be your toll at the gates of hell
that is what i'm for
i will be your flesh
i will be your end
then on to the next
i will start again
i will be your doll
i will be your girl
i will remove your heart
i will burn your world
i will be your object
tease and tear
i will be your "hell, i don't have anything to wear"
i will be your slut
i will be your bitch
i will be your never ending, unbefriending
self-expending, moral-bending thorn
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I could cut my arms and legs into a thousand pieces...
And all they will do is bleed...
I can bang my head against the wall....
But, that wont satisfy my need...
I can cry an ocean here, too bad I can not swim....
But, I'll still find myself silently drowning here....
While it's dark and the lights are dim...
I can open up these wounds....
I can tear my walls apart....
But, I can never seem to break these shackles....
so tightly bounding my heart. |
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The Night Prince
Prince Charming rode up on a red eyed black stallion last night...
He drew his sword of promise... He pulled her up upon his stead...
He rode away with her into the dawn...
across deserts of lies....over bridges of hope.
He spoke beautifully with his artistic lure..
she trusted him...
He drew his sword of self righteousness
so that He may weild it upon her...
she could not bare to look into his eyes...
Prince charming... now alarming her
no crown rest upon His head
as He pushed her down onto her bed...
to impale her once more...
she embraced his self proclaimed royalty...
closed her eyes...
when sleep eased away the deepened wounds
she would open her eyes...
He had picked up his sword... got on his stead
and rode back to the castle..
along with all the other bullshit He spoke of before He whisped her away
to only dissapear into the meaningless day |
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I found myself Today...
She wasn't happy to see me...
She looked at me with angry eyes...
and told me why She decided to leave me..
I told her I was sorry... and that I would explain.
She said she recogized the name but couldn't place the face...
I asked if she'd look again and try to come back to Me...
She told me "I'd rather be left the hell alone if this is what would be looking back at me"
I found myself today....
She told me to go to Hell....
until I can get us out of it.
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mitter nacht.... look up the amv on Youtube in collaboration with helsing
awesome shit |
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Up, Down
The marry go round...
side to side
Past the sounds..
of children playing, laughter
as they spin a little faster
past the golden years
and time draws near
as they go up down
the marry go round
stop and take a spin
there... is where
the innocent learn to sin |
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Nice to be back from Dragon Con I paid for 3 days but could barely stomach 2... too damn crowded too many drunken idiots and too much bullshit.. word of advice when you go next year just walk around and talk to people cause you can do that for free and I paid 75 bucks to do it. Fuck all that
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Deranged..
I may be..
Perhaps a Mystery...
This Labrynth of thought
A dead end..
Hit a wall..
go down the rabbit hole...
I'm on my way down there
way way
down
into a sleep without dreams..
to a sky with no stars
infinate black..
An echo of tunnels
over the barrier of sound
Through the burning woods...
over the plagued lands
past the tidal wave
across oblivion..
into hysteria..
down...
into the tunnel
where have I gone? |
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I have nothing profound to say.. too much booze,loud music and world of warcraft rotting my brain...However, I must tell everyone the new slipknot video for "psychosocial" kicks so much ass if you're bored go to youtube and watch it...on that note I'm going to crawl back into my dark little hole and die in my mind...or go watch "shutter" rather..
night fuckers |
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flowers grow, they wilt and then they die...the most beautiful one is decieving and bears thorns...but like the others...she too will wilt and die...
like a flower, i will grow, like the rose i might prick some fingers along the way..
but as i turn in my petals under the gentle Moon.. i will love
then my death, will not be in vain |
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grrrrrrrrrrrowl...
I hate Jesse McCartney for writing the song "bleeding love" I hate Leona Lewis for making it so damned catchy and I hate,hate,hate FM radio for over playing it...
and I loathe that I have had it stuck in my head for a week
blah I don't even listen to that scheiss... |
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Does anyone else ever just feel like they aren't good enough for someone? I find myself thinking that but, it's not so much that I'm not "good enough" as that I am unsure of myself,not my heart,nor my capability, but just my general self. I am not exactly comfortible with my appearance or my body alot of the time and while You can have chemistry with someone from a distance what happens when You finally get around them and they just see You looking like someone just beat the hell out of You with an ugly stick or something and then becomes this all too familar silent awkwardness and I'm relatively shy anyway so that just makes everything that much more awkward when venturing out into the unknown...I just find myself worrying about the
silliest things, perhaps it is part of my prcocess of my bullshitting self out of things or trying to rather...I tend to make things alot more complicated for myself than they should be, sometimes... |
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I don't see the moon Tonight, but I know She's There...
still shining down on me..
Just as luminous as She ever was.
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A lost child, I met Today
she wandered up to me..
She looked familiar..
her skin was unflawed..
her hair, angel fine
she took my hand and tugged at me
innocently, smiling at me
anxious for me to walk with her
she had so many things,she wanted to show me..
so many places she needed to lead me to
so, that I might remember her
we walked through a field, where I ran long ago, when I remembered how to play
it was raining, she was splashing in the muddy puddles..
we were laughing Together
we were in another time, another town
one from my past..
when a dollar could buy so much joy..
when it was nice to just be outside..
when Cyndi Lauper was my idol..
when MTV still played music..
and I fought over the remote with my sister
when "thundercats" was on
when an 8 bit nintendo was amazing
and I would drop the controller and fly outside at light spead when I heard the ice cream man
Before I cared if I was fat..
Before I cared, how others saw me..
I'm glad she took me back there, so that I can remember a time that I was happy..
A time that I was her...
I think I want to give her a chance this time
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Mirror,Mirror on my wall, why must you reflect back to me?
Mirror,Mirror on my wall, who's eyes are those I see? looking back at me
with that hateful glare,
with arched brows as they in anger stare...
cursing me...
looking me up and down..
judging me..
can't turn around..
hyptnotizing
Mirror,Mirror on my wall, who is this I see?
Mirror,Mirror on my wall, tell me, that's not me..
With tears in my eyes..
behind the disguise..
The one I'm use to seeing..
While I drift from dream to dream
falling down ever so quickly..
but not so gently..
Mirror,Mirror can You hear the crash as you shatter?
I can..
<clatter>
knuckles bleed...
Couldn't
be
me...
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Just my thought of the night..
Why is it that people feel the need to be so foul mouthed and nasty on here? Why is it that all of the submissives/slaves are referred to as bitches,whores,sluts,pigs,worms,maggots,cum dumps etc. I will never understand why everything seems to be based on degregation and humiliation.
After a certain point profanities lack the ability to be profanity when they are over used. It has no appeal and makes people that speak of trash all the time appear to me to be unintelligent,and senseless. Talking like that in small doses in the bedroom and during session is one thing but with a constant regular pattern it is just disrespectful in my opinion.
I have stated in my profile that I do not wish to be approached by Dominants but coming to me replying to my old journal entries asking me ignorant questions such as "So, You like being slapped around how about being punched in the face?" and then proceeding to ask me how dirty of a girl I am is not going to gain You any of my respect or friendship witch is clearly as I have stated all I am looking for if anything on this site at the moment.
For one thing I have higher self esteem than of someone that would go for a Dominant that had any desire to punch me in the face, kick me in my ribs,sew my mouth shut,sew my fingers together,call me a cunt or any of this nonsense that I have been dealing with in messages on here. If You do not have any ability to conjegate a rational sentence or have no respect in consideration of me as a person I most certainly do not want to hear from You.
I am not anyone's bitch,cunt,whore or slut and if I am not wearing Your collar or being considered by You than You have absolutely no business talking to me in that manner. I do not appreciate it at all. Frankly I find that to be truely pathetic and if You do possess that demeanor and attitude when approaching people You know nothing about, my assumption is that You question Your own Dominance and place within the overall spectrum of things and doubt Your own ability and that is why You feel the need to poke Your chest out and communicate like a blubbering idiot...
~ dunkle sklavin |
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sleep won't come..
my eyes peeled open..
lids refuse to close
thoughts wrecklessly wandering through my head...
cold, in this restless daydream
paralyzed, can't move..
ingulfed by the black smoke..
suffocating me in my mind..
wanting to scream out of dire confusion
but clentched teeth will not allow
my mouth to open..
naked in my dark illusions...
i can not blink...
i can not see...
not past this tiring moment..
where my limbs are like the rubberdoll
i have become..
posing in their lifeless form...
as i melt into the day..
with the sun that reaches out to tease me..
sleep doesn't come..
here i sit..
awake... but dead to the world |
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In darkness, I have waited far too long..
For a light to shine for me..
Memorizing words to painful songs..
Where fear has imprisoned me..
On astral planes I found myself, hovering over the sea..
As I was floating against the Midnight black
my Moon called out to me..
"shadow girl" She whispered..
I heard Her call my name..
"shadow girl" I listened
as Her words eased my pain
"walk in beauty to the light"
advice She gave to me
as I sit alone this night
my Moon shines out for me
I will not anchor here..
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Out of the shadows i crawl to You..
One mile at a time..
Hands and knees bleeding..
my heart not missing a beat..
my eyes blinded by the horizon..
ears deafened by the lonely echoes
of Your absence
So, i crawl to You..
Through the timeless desert
into the raging storm
across maps of realization
to find myself...
at Your feet
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In dreams..
We danced on moon beams
over a neon sky
In trance..
I traced Your every curve
I followed Your movement
down to my knees
where I licked Your boots
in admiration..
With dedication..
I prayed for Your acceptance there
as We faded into the twighlight
My love for You amplified..
I was mesmerized by the fire in Your eyes..
as we danced on moon beams..
Nothing is ever quite what it seems |
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Let the wind erase me..
Let it white out my name...
Let the Earth open Her angry Jaws
Let Her swallow me whole..
And may I rise from the soil of Her after birth
as a weeping willow tree
Let my branches shed tears of joy
Let me grow to be healthy..
May I find peace and empathy there...
Wherever there Might be..
Let the wind erase me...
Let the storm set me free
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"Living in technicolor, dreaming in water color,feeling in black and white...as I paint a love for Her with the bristles of my soul."
The above quote I wrote in reference to someone who has left their inprint on my heart and blissfully haunted me with Her words.She knows who She is..
It is on a rare occasion when a stranger washes up shore to You from a far and knows You better than You know Yourself. It is on a rare occasion You can speak openly and freely to someone on first contact and feel as if they have always been there...watching over You. It is on a rare occasion that one finds their place in the unniverse and truely understands it without question... This rare occurence has shown me mine and for the first time a lost girl has found a sense of direction to sniff her way back home...
I have been touched by the hands of destiny and I welcome Her warm embrace. As I walk towards Her through the blazing fury of this world I am prepared to leave behind and walk in beauty...into the unknown.
It is time to step out of the darkness and into the moon light.. It is time to rediscover life and redifine living...It is time to let go and surrender to unconditional love. A new journey awaits... Only time will tell where it takes me.
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Pain whispers softly in my dreams...
"I miss You,Where have You gone?"
Pain calls out every night, it seems...
"I'm waiting, I know You're alone"
Pain, The only friend I believe.
She always hits me when I'm wrong.
Pain, Lately has been quiet to me..
I believe it's time we sing along..
"Pick up the razor,it's time again,You were numb but now You've got the urge again. Just do it once for old times sake,Pick it up don't hesitate.I've been waiting far too long,I know You've missed me since I've been gone.Now is the time to rush.It's the pain that we've missed so much."
Now it's time we write a song...
A little deeper... Now we're gone. |
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Time stands still...in the cold depths of this
lonely moment...
Where one can grow old in her mind...
as she patiently waits...
in fear that noone will come... That noone will
allow the hands on the clock to move...
To save her from this moment...
Where she sits alone...with only the company of her shadow...
And the conversations imagined in her head..
Time stands still as she is frozen...Eternally she waits for the warm stinging kiss to awaken her it is not the kiss of lips that will awaken this sleeping beauty...
but a sharp kiss of the razor..or the stinging kiss of a strap against her back..
she waits as time stands still... tears of lonliness frozen against her face..
awaiting the black beauty of the comforting embrace of A Goddess... |
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Slap me in my face and I will look back to you with loving eyes...
Slap me so hard that I fall to my knees so that I may lay my hands down and crawl back to you...
as you hide in the shadows...my heart finds my way back to you...
if You were real, if You were mine
if I were worthy of the time it takes to slap ones face.
If I were not a lonely slave...
incomplete, waiting as I wither away
until the day she finds me
to claim me as her own... |
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