AngelYuy


AngelSubLI666 Female Submissive, 40	Angel1369c Female Submissive, 32, Wayne, New Jersey	angeleyes3830 Submissive Couple, 39

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	About AngelYuy ~~ Failure to read at least part of my profile might lead to me ignoring your message, just for your information. ~~ I'm not here to play. I don't want a 'daddy'. I want to find someone to love and serve that will love and protect me in return. I want to settle down, get married, and have kids in a few years. Well as settled as USAF life will be, as there will be moving around and deployments to deal with. I am also moving up to the immediate Seattle area next year at some point. I'm training to join the USAF as an officer while going to college full time and that sucks up a lot of my time and energy. That said, I really want someone to come home to that I can cry on their shoulder when things are really hard and I fail at them or am really stressed out. Someone that can make me forget everything and support me so I have the strength to carry on. In return you'll have my full devotion. I’m looking for a Master that will support, respect and cherish me while not letting me get away with BS. Someone that won’t suffocate me at the same time. I need somewhere to hide from the world, to get lost serving and trust that I’m safe to do so. I’m looking for a Master no older than low-forties, no heavy drinkers, heavy smokers and absolutely no drugs. Also, you must be a cat person and real life, no online relationships please. I currently have three cats (the third was not the plan but pets are a lifetime commitment and we’ve been through a lot together and they honestly keep me alive, so we are not to be separated. I’ve known I’m a submissive my whole life, even before I knew the word and what it meant. I’m not into pain, and if that makes some people think I’m non-dynamic, then fine, I'm better off without that negativity in my life. More and more what I’m thinking I really want is a Total Power Exchange situation. I want to serve and make my Master happy and be rewarded for doing so. That said, 24/7 is not something I can maintain right now. I refuse to give up school and eventually the USAF for my eventual Master. I also am very interested in poly in its many and varied forms, and would like to be at least friends with everyone involved. I’m extremely shy and have a lot of trouble trusting people. Or maybe I trust too easily and my mind pops up with a safety warning and that’s why I can’t fully trust. The point is that it will take me a long time to completely trust anyone to the point where a relationship can truly be formed. That said, I’m curious, loyal to those I like, and love to cuddle. As for sex in general, I’m open to trying out a lot of things, but as I mentioned above I’m not into pain. Small pains and marks (like hickeys or scratching) are one thing, but anything more than that will always be a punishment to me. I’ve never had a guy get me off, so there’s a challenge for you. My experience in BDSM is very small, but enough to know some of what I like and don’t. But I have read and researched a lot more than I have actually experienced. I consider myself a submissive, not a slave, and as such I have some hard limits. A short list is: watersports, scat, anything illegal, ass play, hoods, blood play, electrical play, extreme pain, breath play and edge play. I also reserve the right to my financial freedom. I have a whole host of medical problems that have to be taken into effect, starting with depression. The depression I have experience fighting through and with an extra kick to get me moving or direction with what I’m to do helps a lot. I also have slight anxiety/panic disorder connected to being a perfectionist. This is new and I’m still trying to deal with it. I’m also ‘curvy’ and would appreciate some support to help me loose the weight I’m trying to. My other interests include reading (especially yaoi fanfiction and fantasy), studying, window shopping, painting my nails, sleeping, beading, and travel. Also, English is meant to be written in a certain way, so while I understand about the lowercase while a slave/sub is talking about themselves, do not expect it from me. I am not ashamed of being a submissive as it is part of who I am and refuse to abuse the English language because of it. I also am not fond of chatspeak, talking with emoji or leet. So if I sound like a submissive or a friend you would be interested in, please message me and let me know.

My last profile:

I’m looking for my happily ever after. Not a fling, not a temporary or on the side arrangement, but a Dom to settle down with and be happy together. I am NOT looking for a sadist. I hate pain (past light things like hickeys or light scratching) and it will always be seen as a punishment to me. Also, cats are something I can’t live without, so being allergic might not work out the best and I’d prefer someone that likes big cities as opposed to the country. I am very much a city girl and the country drives me crazy. I’m looking for someone around my age, about 10 years in either direction is as far as I want to go, also no heavy drinkers, no smokers and absolutely no drugs. I would prefer someone physically active as well as I myself am and it’s something I enjoy doing with others. I list poly as something I’m looking for because I can see myself serving two (male) Doms (sorry women, I am a female cuddle whore, but sex isn’t going to happen), but I’m not sure I could be one of many subs in a household. Other than the fact the military would have a cow, I’m too needy and my self-esteem honestly just isn’t up to sharing.

I’ve known I’m submissive my whole life, but it took some research to know exactly what I want out of this lifestyle and I’m still not sure how to explain it. I am in some ways a service sub. I want to make my Dom happy by following his wishes and receive rewards for doing so. Cuddling is my favorite thing to do. I would happily spend hours on my knees as long as I could have my head in your lap with the occasional hair petting as we both worked on something. Or cuddling on the couch together as I’m very tactile. I want to be loved, taken care of, and cherished. I want a place to hide from the world and not have to worry because I trust the person I’m with will take care of everything even if only for a limited amount of time. I am extreme loyal and honest once my respect and trust have been earned. My experience in BDSM is very small, but enough to know some of what I like and don’t. But I have read and researched a lot more than I have actually experienced. I get my pleasure more from my submission than from any particular sexual act.

I’m extremely shy and have a lot of trouble trusting people. Or maybe I trust too easily and my mind pops up with a safety warning and that’s why I can’t fully trust. The point is that it will take me a long time to completely trust anyone to the point where a more-than-friends relationship can truly be formed. I like to chat online to get to know people, but I am also very tactile as I mentioned so real life meetings are always welcome after a certain point.

My hard limits are: watersports, scat, anything illegal, ass play, hoods, blood play, electrical play, extreme pain, breath play and edge play.

I also reserve the right to my financial freedom, access to my friends, schooling, and the ability to advance my career as I see fit. I will be honest in that I prefer military men, but this does not stop me from looking elsewhere.

If you list any of my hard limits in your profile as something you love to do or can’t live without, chances are I won’t even respond to you. I believe in true dynamic matches and if someone really likes doing something the other doesn’t that does not make a good match. This is the same reason I won’t become involved with anyone that likes pain. You can’t change who you are, and as long as everyone’s happy, you shouldn’t try. I consider myself a submissive not a slave. The difference between these two to me is that a submissive can say no, a slave can’t.

My other interests include working out, reading (especially yaoi/slash fanfiction and fantasy), studying Japanese, interior design, drooling over the newest tile or fabric, window shopping, travel, and my cat.

English is meant to be written in a certain way, so while I understand about the lowercase while a slave/sub is talking about themselves, do not expect it from me. I am not ashamed of being a submissive as it is part of who I am and refuse to abuse the English language because of it. I also am not fond of chatspeak or 1337.

So if I sound like a submissive or a friend you would be interested in, please message me and let me know.

Two years of work and it still came down to failing numbers on the scale.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. Maybe what I wanted to do at first and go through AFROTC, or maybe move and try enlisting somewhere else. Weight first, I'll give myself a couple months of just focusing on that if I can so I don't end up right back with the same problem.

On the plus side, although I was still over, I've never been as fit in my life.

Thank you all for your messages of support.

I'm shipping out to Basic on the 15th of January (2013) and my guaranteed job is Supply. My first choice! AND it's on the constrained list!~

I had lost faith in what I was looking for. Based on the messages I get here, my perfect Dom just didn't exist and I was never going to find it. I've nearly left or taken extended breaks several times. The only thing that kept me coming back is I have this need to serve and submit that isn't something I can just turn off. It's not a game for me. It is, in fact, a major reason I'm joining the military. A chance to serve a greater cause, even if I remain alone the rest of my life. The support I have gotten from people in the D/s community since I announced that is amazing.

So, I met a fellow (soon to be at the time, as I still am) Airman on here. He's awesome, amazing, just my type, and our dynamics mesh really well on paper and we can and have talked for hours online and in person. Sadly, we haven't gotten the chance to try anything private in real life. I'll admit, I'm more than a little in love with him already. And there's the problem, I'm not in yet, and he is and is going to be stationed half the world away. I hope to follow him as soon as I can and that he doesn't find someone else that works for him while he's there, but it's always a possibility. And honestly, I'm a love someone enough to let them go kind of person. I would never want to hold someone back if they find a better situation. Plus there's the whole dual-military family thing and raising kids and all of that stuff to deal with.

So, he's probably going to break my heart. But he has helped me become less jaded and realize there really are my kind of Doms out there, I just need to not give up. Not that I'm going to stop hoping he's still free to own me when I finally can be in the same place.

I'm sitting here in my underwear because it's just too hot for anything else, and besides, the right underwear can be sexy and I'm trying so hard to feel that way and wanted. I have my substitute collar on and a multi-hickey mark on my shoulder that I want so badly to be on my neck or somewhere I can't reach myself. I really want to be petted and possessed and I just burn for it. It makes me squirmy and desperate, but I'm trying to shut the urge down more by focusing on my Japanese study. It's somewhat working, but not good enough. Because even as I lay on my stomach focused on my work, I imagine my Dom coming up and petting me from neck to foot, then demanding I get up and serve him and I'm back to almost whimpering in desperation. *sighs* Let's see, update on some past stuff: My date was amazing, but he decided that we didn't mesh so we're back to friends only. *sad* Maybe he'll change his mind because I really like him, but I'm not holding my breath. I also finally got a real collar, a padded plain black dog collar that helps me center and calm. I also finally found a mental doctor that I can work with and accepts my insurance. So we're trying out drug combinations, some of which are making me miserable as hell, but hopefully we'll find one that works.

I've been reading and exploring more of my particular submission desires and I'm really coming to realize that I want more than a bedroom relationship (which is what I started my journey wanting). I'm talking to a new Dom that I really like and we even have a date set up that I'm really excited about at the same time as being frightened of. What if he hates me in real life? I mean, online I'm much more open and talkative and in real life I feel so shy and stupid and clumsy. I can only hope that I can show enough of myself that he can see it. Some of the things he wants to do with me scare me, but most of it I crave so badly it hurts. I don't really have dreams per se. I mean I have some but not like normal people have of like being head of a company or writing a book or whatever. Most of my dreams have to do with serving. Serving in a interior design business, because I don't think I'm smart or good enough to be a lead designer anywhere, serving a Master, being useful is what I want. I had the best dream I've ever had recently last night (although, I don't remember most of my dreams, I can normally tell if they were bad or good). All I remember of it was being naked (and being okay with it! O_O) on my knees, the floor wasn't hard or itchy, just there, with my arms behind my back, my head back as far as I could comfortably get it, offering my neck, and my eyes closed. Just waiting. I knew my Master was there, somewhere, but I was content to just kneel there and wait, not thinking of anything. It was great. And I have so much going on and my mental state is going to hell in a hand basket and it's getting worse. Hopefully I can get an appointment soon to get some help, and fast, because I can feel myself spiraling further out of control and it's only adding to my already freaking out about so many different things. I wish I had the time and the total trust in a Dom so I really could take the time to shut down and not worry for a while. But I don't have it. As it is, my only break for the next two weeks is my upcoming date with the Dom that I really really like. And I have to find a job and decide if I'm taking summer classes, which are four THOUSAND dollars for only two classes, and I really should take at least one of them, and... yea, freaking out more than a little about it. I don't want to have to choose. But I have to. This is my future career and I'm currently on my own.

I really don't understand why I can't meet a Dom that I can actually learn to trust. I'm dedicated, willing and eager to serve, there is a lot that I'm willing to had over control of (and some I'm not, I will admit), I don't have a ton of bad BDSM habits to unlearn because I've never gotten far enough for serious training, I'm young, sometimes I even think I'm pretty, and although I'm not into pain, I'm certainly willing to try a lot of things at least once. So why is that I only seem to attract guys older than my parents, or jerks. Or the occasional guy that into something that I'm not personally into, but even these guys, can't they READ MY FUCKING PROFILE? Grr.... Anyway... *sighs* I'm kinda lost right now and I think a primary reason for that is that what I'm doing, school, and my cat, and reading, and just being by myself, it's all selfish. I want and NEED to be useful to someone. I crave it. And it's messing with my head that I'm not. I want to serve, even if I personally hate the task, and be rewarded for doing a good job. Even something simple like laying with my head in my Dom's lap and getting petted, or eating from my Dom's hand. I just want a relationship built on trust and love, not sex. Although sex is still important and if we want different things it's probably not going to work out, but they also go hand in hand.

Sometimes when I'm panicking, like now over a midterm tomorrow, I take out this soft black ribbon and tie it around my throat like a collar. Most of the time it makes me feel better, assuming I can trick myself that I have a Dom that's just not here right now because I'm studying. I used to have a real practice collar that I would use, given to me by my very first Dom, but an ex-friend stole it from me. One of these days I really need to go replace it and get some cuffs as well. I think that will help with my illusion of security. Until I find someone to give it to me for real. If I ever do. *sighs*

Oh not... Gods, what's the point? Most everyone on here is a faker who doesn't even take the time to read my profile before messaging me. I thought I found someone worth actually trying with, yea, guess not. Of course he didn't even reject me until AFTER I sent a photo at his insistence. Hope hurts, having it crushed into tiny pieces... what's the fucking point anyway?!

Gods, sometimes I can be so pathetic. I have to work on a couple of drawings for class tomorrow, and I keep turning back to the computer and refreshing the home page wondering if he'll come on tonight. And if he does if he'll mail me. Gods. Seriously, the worst punishment I can think of is to ignore me. Worse even then pain and I'm NOT into pain. *sighs*

I should not be watching CSI: NY when I'm as high on emotion and longing as I am. I found a new NCIS fanfic that was written by someone who actual knows what they're talking about in BDSM, or at least more than a lot of others. It's written from the viewpoint of the sub, who has trust issues. And it's poly. The sex is hot, the emotion is hotter and it makes me long and wish all the more for my own Dom. Here's the links to the series for anyone that's curious: (oh, and I suppose I should mention all the people are men) --------------------------------- -Part 1- http://ncisfic.com/viewstory.php?storyid=439 -Part 2- http://ncisfic.com/viewstory.php?storyid=440 -Part 3- http://ncisfic.com/viewstory.php?storyid=459 -Part 4(unfortunately unfinished)- http://ncisfic.com/viewstory.php?storyid=757 I'm always open to others, any fandom or original fiction. Anyone have suggestions?

Snow day!~ I just adore snow~ I want to go out and walk in it, but I've been up all night and it's almost a foot thick. Sneakers in foot deep snow is not a good combination. I really need to get some rain/snow boots.

Sometimes I just feel wild. I want to go out and dance, show off, be praised, fucked, and have bruises in the morning. I never do it, I'm too awkward and scared to be confident about myself, and my introvert soul gets in the way. But it's a nice fantasy that I have a Dom that wants me to dance for him. That I can get far enough into subspace that my fears and insecurities don't get in my way. That I can be appealing and sexy and wanted. I dream about it, but I wonder if I will ever find it.

Normally I have several fantasies that are the sure thing when I'm frustrated and just want to get off. However, last night this new one popped up to haunt me. I'm an interior design student, so one day I'll be in the career. We're a varied enough group that I just might find someone in my career to serve. However, we are also a very close-nit everyone-knows-everyone sort of career (area dependent), so it's almost possible that my chosen Master would also know of others interested that I know or even work with. As I'm also poly, this plays into an amazing fantasy that took me quite by surprise. I also consider myself a submissive, not a slave. And as such would have an agreement with any Master that I'm only out to people I don't have to work with and see on a daily basis to ease any hardship or grudges because of what I am. -------------------------------------------- The fantasy starts where I've just gotten off work and I'm waiting for my Master to come pick me up (whether driving himself in a normal car or a limo, it flips back and forth). I'm dressed up really nice as I had a presentation to a big client that day and as I wait I take out my collar (which I envision as a thin leather collar with a silver pendant of ownership on it) and replace the necklace I had been wearing with it. A co-worker with more seniority (that I very much like, attitude, designs, everything) steps up to the curb next to me and starts talking about something. I turn to look at him as is polite and he asked me if that's a dog collar that I'm wearing. I respond that it's a beautiful piece of jewelry (as I don't want to be outcast from my close-nit group or tear my small firm apart). He then asks if that's what it is why don't I wear it to work? I respond that I get tired of being asked whether it's a dog collar. He seems to accept that and goes on talking about a project that we're both working on. Then the limo pulls up (as this whole scene is just hotter in the limo) and the driver steps out to open the door for me. I wish my co-worker a good day and step into the limo and out of direct sight before going to my knees and laying my head on my Master's lap in a greeting. My Master puts a hand on my head, I thought to respond to my greeting, but in reality to keep me from jumping away from him as the limo driver says to my co-worker (let's call him Mark) that my Master had asked if he would like to have a ride as well. I'm of course freaking out, but as my Master is holding my head to his lap there's not a lot I can do, other than turn my head a bit to hide behind my hair, which I do as Mark steps into the limo and sits in the swivling chair next to my Master (just close enough to touch me over my Master, but not quite). The limo door closes and the driver starts to drive slowly, being careful to avoid bumps. They greet each other with a gentle kiss and a laugh at my shocked indrawn breath, before they both reach down to pet my hair. My Master explains that he's known Mark for a very long time and they've been having sex for longer then either of them knew about me. However, my Master is a true Dom, and Mark is a mostly Dom switch, so they realised they needed to expand their family more. When my Master first met me, it was at one of those networking events where you must drink to fit in and I've never been one for that. He came to me and we talked and he realised that I would likely refuse to give the relationship a chance if I knew one of the members was someone I worked with. So he and Mark kept their connection private from me, not very hard as I was the new face on the block and had to work three times as hard just to get people to notice me. At least now I knew why someone so talented as Mark took it upon himself to mentor such a green designer as myself. After I had calmed down enough to look them both in the eye and give my willingness to try this new dynamic, my Master handed over some make-up cleansing cloths. I've never understood it, but he enjoys watching me put make-up on, and makes me re-do it as a ritual whenever we're together again after being apart. I take the cloths and clean the concervative make-up off my face and neck, uncovering several of the dark hickies that my Master enjoys leaving and I enjoy getting (if not showing off to people I work with). I hear Mark make a sound of approval, I'm not sure about what though, and then he tells my Master what I told him about my collar. Thankfully, my Master just laughs and says he's amazed I even took it out of my pocket before I was securely closed in the limo and approved of my handling (with Mark's agreement). I'm blushing to the roots of my hair now, which both apparently think is cute. My Master hands me a shopping bag from a boutique kink store we both love to visit and he tells me to strip completely before even looking inside it. Oh temptation. After a quick glance up to Mark I blush and do as I'm told. Once I'm completely naked of everything except my collar and poly tattoo, I kneel at their feet and open the bag. Inside is enough make-up to look like a high-class whore, a mirco-skirt in black and a sheet halter top in fuck-me red. The outfit shoots pure lust through my body and I hope they're taking me home to fuck me because anything else would make me cry in frustration at the mere thought of it. My Master indicates that he wants to me put the make-up on first, starting with red fuck-me lipstick in exactly the same shade as the top and ending with a soft dusting of glitter on my face, neck, and torso. I then slip into the clothes, trying to look sexy instead of my normal just throwing clothes on and smoothing them down. Apparently I'm at least slightly sucessful because Mark reaches out to attach a leash to my collar and pulls me forward for our very first kiss. He's as good as Master is and I wonder who taught who to kiss and what else they've shared in the past. My Master leans over and places the hard plastic of a toy on my bottom lip. I lean forward more to take it into my mouth a suck on it as they start to tell me everything they're going to do to me once we all get home, starting with putting the very large dildo I'm sucking on in my pussy and making me hold it all the way up to our floor while they tease me in the elevator. I cry out against the dildo in anticipation as I feel fingers start to explore my wetness. ---------------------------- And that's about where I loose it (if I even make it that far). And dear gods but I'm horny again. Time to put BOB to use again.

Some days I wonder why I'm searching for a Dom, because I fell so independent. And then I have days like today. Last night I was estatic that Obama won, today excited that Gregorie won, but for some reason I've been depressed and lost all day. It's days like today that I would more than welcome someone there to help direct me when I don't know what to do. I hate feeling like I'm doing nothing for anyone, not even myself. The only way I can get past this quickly is to force myself to do something, but I'm not always capable of doing this myself.

Topic #2: Depression. I thought I should talk about it here because anyone who gets involved with me is going to have to work around the fact that I suffer from depression. I've never been clinically diagnosed, mostly because I'm afraid the doctor is going to tell me I'm rapid-cycle bi-polar and that scares me, badly. I need to set up an appointment, and will, as soon as I get my apartment put together. I've suffered from this for at least the last five years. This isn't something I can 'control' or 'snap out of' and most people who have never gone through depression have no idea how hard it really is. I trive on having people around because they distract me and make me feel better, at the same time I want to push people away because they're insulting or hateful and just make it worse. At the moment I'm kinda quietly sad, which is one of the better emotions on the depression side of the scale for me, but sometimes I'm so depressed that I feel crushed and can't even bring myself to uncurl and pet my cat. Going into a field of study that I actually really love and my cat have lessened these days for me, but sometimes they sneak up on me. At the same time, the majority of the time, while I'm not super-happy, I'm somewhere in-between the two states and can function normally. How this affects my normal life varies. Some days I force myself to get up and go to school. When I'm focusing on something it helps, but sometimes this doesn't work. I have all sorts of tricks to help myself, listening to upbeat music, chocolate, talking to friends, sleeping, sometimes they help, and sometimes they don't. On other days I'm just tired and zapped of all energy or drive. I'm still INTERESTED in the world, which is better than the last stage I mentioned, but I don't have the energy to really do anything about it but survive. And on some days I wake up and feel like I can take over the world. These days are very productive and creatively wonderful, but are not as common as I would like. Whoever I end up with will probably learn what I need better than I know myself, in fact, I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes I just need a cuddle or to be left alone completely, other times I need a jump start of some kind to become interested in the world again, and still other times I need someone to help me NOT be as impulsive as I can be when one of my really good days hit. All this does NOT mean that I never laugh and have fun, just that the feeling generally don't last as long as I wish they would. I enjoy reading funny stories, jokes, political staire, watching funny shows on TV, etc., but I frequently settle into being slightly 'diminished' after only a short amount of time. It's frustrating, but something I work at dealing with and hope in the future I will have a better time of it.

Hmm... I suppose I can use this space to talk about different topics more in depth. Anyone who wants anything specific just ask, otherwise I'm just going to write about whatever comes to mind. Also, I'm aware that a lot of people hold with the belief that submissives (and slaves, which I am NOT) should never capitalize any word associated with themselves. Well, I do NOT hold with this practice because of two things: 1) I was raised to speak and write PROPER English, none of this chat-speak stuff and 2) I have more respect for myself than that, I'm proud to be submissive and do not have to belittle myself because of it. And my first topic is: Bisexuality. I do consider myself bi, however, I'm not looking for a Domme. The primary reason for this is that I was brainwashed by a lot of people as I was growing up and have a lot of fucked-up ideas in my head. I've been schooled enough now and taught how to look at things from all the different angles that I can SEE my own problems. However, this does NOT help me overcome them. I have spent most of my life in tiny little towns in both Arkansas and Washington, you know the type, where anyone who is different is evil and God is the only way. I was instructed on how bad women were all my life and that if a woman ever did more than a kiss on the cheek or a hug to another woman they would BOTH die. Yea, pretty fucked up huh? But when you're young these things make an impression on you. However, when I moved up here to Washington and got a chance to REALLY learn about the world and take college classes at a liberal college I was in for a rude awakening. Thankfully I wasn't too far gone that I couldn't listen. I've fallen in and out of love with my share of men. Most of the out was because I was betrayed in a horrible fashion or outright raped (or attempted rape before I managed to throw them out or run), but some of them the circumstances just changed in a way that we split for whatever reason. Anyway, I still hold a little faith in men, even though I'm scared to death of sex and have to take things slowly (that's for another entry), I'm just extremely over-cautious. Women, however... Even with all the brainwashing, the first person that I really, truely wanted to spend the rest of my life with was female. She was shy, submissive, pretty, an artist, and one of the few people that actually put up with how cynical I am. I fell hard for her and am still and probably will always be in love with her, even though she would have never been the Dom(me) that I crave. She broke my heart, but opened my eyes to the fact that I do infact like both sexes.

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AngelYuy

About AngelYuy