AngoraNYC

Coming out of hibernation - probably should change the profile name to reflect where I now live, but then old friends will not be able to find me.

Recalling lost friends 12 years later - sad memories

So it seems my job may be transferring me to Boston.  So I changed my location to Boston temporarily from New York.  It is not definite, but why not look around.

It is 12/12/12 -- this will not happen again for another 100 years.  Wow.

Another Sad Day.

When wow hits, it really hits; and usually when you are not expecting it.  I find our language very limiting when it comes to describing the absolute highs that you hit when you are in sync with another who also "gets" it.  I know this probably doesn't make sense, but I have found wow.

Why do I need to be so restrained that I can barely move a muscle; why do I need to be so restrained in inescapable bondage that I have no hope of freeing myself and am dependent on you with the key; what is about me that my body craves to be teased while bound, the locks clicked shut, the gag firmly in place, and not be able to control my own responses; what is it that my body wants to be tormented and brought the edge of out of control, over and over again, as you revel in that control; why do I want you to take utter pleasure in my predictment, my immobility, my surrender.  Why do I need to be this object for your pleasure?

Where are you?

Thank you Collar Me.

The funk and sadness of last weekend is finally finding its place.  Looking forward to playing again.

A sad day.

I write in the journal so you have an idea of what is going on in my head.

Yes, i am ready.  i am interested in being summoned on a periodic basis.  If you are a pro-domme, tribute is not an issue, just how it is structured. 

Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't.  Ah well, back to the drawing board.  But at least there are folks willing to try and see if it will work.  You can't ask for more than that.

To truly get to that "space" when in scene play, whether it is "sub space", "Domme space" or you lose touch is a great goal.  Getting there is so worth repeating until you do, and then you want to do it again.  It is as much as if someone is in a deep meditation or in a deep religious experience having those same feelings.  After all, isn't bdsm a bit of a religious experience in and of itself?

Half a year gone already.  Hmph.   It would be great to find a Domme who can reach out to you and say, "I want to play today, when can you get here".  Many years ago, I played with two Professional Dommes who would reach out and say they wanted to play. (they were at different times, I wasn't seeing both at the same time).

Seeing the ads for the new movie, "Friends with Benefits", I thought that that is just how to describe the type of play-partner I am looking for - someone who is set in the vanilla world, but has this kink that they need to feed, or work out, or just can't share with vanilla friends and family.  While Pro-Dommes can do all the above, and I have had some great scenes with a Pro, the underlying, however deep subconscious thought is that the pro is, in some way, doing what they do to please you (so you get what you came for, or that you will come back, or whatever).  And, because of that, I find that I cannot get to the deepest level of surrender or servitude or providing of pleasure.  If this makes sense, then you are the person I wish to speak to.  If it doesn't, then we are most likely not a fit.

Ugh - Why, after e-mailing, txting and actually speaking with someone, when the day to meet finally arrives, they go silent (don't answer txts, calls) and only when it is too late to actually meet, they respond.  Rhetorical question and I am just venting.

I would be interested in finding a longer-term training program with a professional who has a play space in downtown (way downtown) Manhattan - like in the financial district (Wall Street) across to Battery Park.  A couple of times a month to build up to something where the limits to be pushed are just "known"; that a safe-word is not necessary; and that the trust is built to 100%.  Let me know.

I am interested in exploring the possibility of being a sub to a sub - in other words, a sub to a sub who already has a Dominant and is permitted their own toy.  I am desirous of being the lowest rung, and used to alleviate the stress the alpha sub gets (and takes) and to be used for that purpose.

I think I might have a casting fetish.  Complete immobilization.

Mumford & Sons - The Cave --- Love it.

Wow.  What changes.

Wow, it has been almost 5 years since I stopped giving in to my submissive desires and needs.  It feels good to be at least opening the door to finding some outlet for those thoughts, desires and needs to serve.