AngelicSub79

So, it really isnt the end for Loverface and I....we are drawn to each other for some odd reason.  It isnt love, attraction and lust....most definitely.  Out of all the men I've known he has been upfront and honest about himself and what he wants from me/us.  He has no underlying issues, and he has had a hard life, the hardest life I've ever known anyone to have.....he has a good sense of humor, he's not super smart but has enough intelligence.  He says he can always tell that I want/need to talk so he lets me.  Lol.  Then, he told me You're one of a kind.  He meant it b/c I know he doesnt have an ulterior motive.  It was just so honest, not like oh I'll tell her that so she can give me that ass (which he already gets) or to console/pity me before telling me he cant be with me to make me feel better.  It just made me feel better b/c it was sincere, I could feel the sincerity, that's the first time I've truly felt sincerity from a man.  He and I will never be together but I must say, of all men I've known he will have the most special place in my heart, just for being himself

Random thought, Seal is by no means attractive but he has a pretty damn good voice.  Lol. 

Oh, and thank you Rihanna for singing that damn catchy tune.....cant seem to get the verse "we found a love in a hopeless place", out of my head.

Oh that pinwheel, how I love it so, it seems as if I find my happy place when I feel it penetrating my skin.  I must say, I did enjoy my day off today thanks to Loverface and pinwheel. 

I think I may have baby girl tendencies.  I read a post on a site and the below excerpt made me think, WOW, that pretty much sounds like me, except wanting to believe the good in everyone.  Within the last 5 years or so I realized that there is not good in everyone.  Because I know my vulnerablities it does tend to make it harder for me to believe in people these days and try to give myself a fake "independent" exterior, as well as close myself off at times.

"I am an adult woman, thirty-four years old who has retained my childlike enthusiasm and excitement over just about everything. I am also naive and gullible when it comes to the outside world. I am one of those people who want to believe the good in every one, which when added to my natural submissive nature puts me at risk with the outside world, social predators and other’s who have a stronger personality and temperament then I do. The bonus that I have going for me is that I am also smart enough to realize these things about myself and understand my own vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, I also have a tendency to be used, lied to and manipulated by predatory personality types; I often do not realize what is going on until events start to happen and I end up in situations that I won’t understand until after they have occurred. In short, I need to be protected and I know that.

Being a submissive, I have a drive to please and to put all other’s before myself. I strive to help people by serving them and fulfilling their needs in emotional, material and physical ways. I have a habit of doing these things to my own detriment. I give all that I can until I am a exhausted on all levels with no ability to stop myself from doing so. I need to be able to fulfill this drive in an environment that is safe, emotionally productive and physically healthy."

I just read this post by someone on a news forum regarding an article posted.

"The reality is – Most women who are available to date and are single come with baggage, and usually emotionally scarred by the time they realize who they are as individuals (and settling on what they need to be happy verses some ideological desire) and ready for self-sacrifice to "stay" in-love. Unfortunately by that point, most men at that age range have lost the kind of passion (spark) that it take to be in-love with anyone new after being completely disillusioned by what they romantically thought women really wanted from them in life. Being used as meal tickets. People who help them find work. And introduce them to their life, only to be taken advantage of by young women who's only true concern was for the moment, and probably themselves."

It really struck a chord with me and put quite a few things in perspective.