i am going home! Finally i have made the decision and started the process. i will be moving back to Michigan by Dec 1st. i am so excited!

i can't believe i had *under consideration* still on my profile, goes to show you how often i log in here. i have not been under consideration since the end of September. Still hoping my Daddy will pick me out of the crowd for his and his only. One day i will finds him, but until then i am going to enjoy my friends and the local scene, maybe even plan ahead for some "Beyond Leather"! Be safe all *love and huggles*

Life is like a quick moving river. Sometimes there are rapids, sometimes its a gentle ride. You pass many other people on your journey, some will push you towards the rapids and some will pull you to gentler waters. In the end you'll learn that the river is going to go certain places and you can't change which way the river bends. You can not fight the current, you must learn to go with the flow.

it's amazing to me how happy i am at this moment. He is changing everything and nothing. all i need is a simple text and i have perma grin. His voice is like magic. W/we have so much in common, yet W/we are so different. i know it's new so it makes everything seem wonderful, but i just can't find anything negative to say. i just want to be with Him, i think of Him all day, every day. i was trying to go slow, but sometimes, you just have to jump. thank You Daddy for making me such a happy girl ~ lilone

well, maybe my Daddy read my last journal and came to find me. i'd like to think so, but i am taking things slowly. not interested in jumping into some online fling that has no chance of turning into the real deal. i'm scared, because of the hurt i have experienced before, but i am honest about it. i give Him the utmost respect, and am very honest. He calls me every night and talks to me til i fall asleep. my tummy does a flip and my heart skips a beat when i hear his voice, so that's gotta be a good sign right? He doesn't call just to be kinky, He calls to talk to me, and that's so amazing to me. *sigh* He's just so far away, but not crazy far. it's workable, but in time. i'm just not very patient. in the mean time, i will continue to try to be a good girl =) ~ lil one

yooohooo Daddy, where are you. Come find me, i just want to serve You. 

I don't have a Daddy yet, but i do want one so bad. i want to love and be loved. i want to serve, and please. i want to be controlled and commanded, yet cherished and protected. i also want to have intelligent conversations and be comfortable sitting at a dinner table with my Daddy and my parents. i want a real, REAL Daddy Dom, to take me, as i am, and make me his, forever, and in turn, i will serve him for just as long. Come find me Daddy, i am waiting, and i am being such a good girl until you find me. 

So i have decided to give CM a try again. i'm not sure what i will find, but i know more of what i am looking for. i really want a Daddy dom, someone to look over me and protect me, to control every aspect of me. i love nothing more to serve, and that is what i want to do. i want to give all i can. i love to hang out in the chat rooms here, i am very social. stop by and say hi!

Still very confused, the hurt is still so much there. i just can't believe that someone can treat like you are so special to your face, and then never speak to you again. At first i thought i was being ignored, then i chastised myself and said, what if something horrible happened. then He shows up online and says nothing to me... i don't get what went wrong. i thought this could be IT, then .... this sucks. i so appreciate everyones encouragement to keep my journal updated. thank you for noticing that it helps me work out what i am feeling to write it all down. i have been a bit of a loner lately and my little one is on an extended visit with her grandparents, so i am just lonely on top of lonely. *sigh* i hate being a sour puss, i like being happy and bubbly, but there is just no pep in my step lately. I do feel a bit better though, and i miss visiting the chat rooms here, so maybe i will come back. It's embarrassing though, to be a lovey dovey one day and then be the dumb naive hurt one the next. Maybe i'll close this account and start a new one... who knows. right now i am just logging in to get my mail, i may pop in the Daddyroom to say hi to my girls for a sec though. 

trying to continue to believe that things happen for a reason. I am so confused and hurt. i have no idea whats going on. i just hope that it's nothing serious. maybe i'll find it easier to come back, if i could just figure out what happened. till then.. i still find it difficult to even be here. 

i think things really happen for a reason. i thought i had my plans all laid out again. things seemed to have come full circle and my path was laid out for me. i knew what i was getting into the expectation i thought were clear. i was still un-collared un-owned and free to do as i pleased, but the plan was clear what was expected to happen. Then things changed, the expectations where changing it seemed. It was almost as if my limits didn't matter. suddenly things were starting to get fuzzy, and not so clear. i started to question what it was i wanted.  then by what seemed accident i met someone. someone that just talked to me, about anything and nothing. it's kind of nice and new to be on a kink site, and not talk about kink. to meet someone who enjoys to just talk to you. i started to feel that "i" was liked and not just my submission. everyday i want more, everyday i want to be closer, and i feel like everyday i slip closer to that edge. my stomach is in happy knots just to write this. today is a good day =)

i should try this whole journal thing more often, feels good to write about how you feel. 

i am doing much better, so thank you to anyone who messaged me and mentioned they hoped i was feeling better. Though i did have pneumatic bronchitis over Thanksgiving. i just can't seem to win when it comes to getting sick. maybe i am allergic to my job. 

i am exploring my wants and needs. But i am in a very happy place right now. i think i am very close to getting what i want =) 

Just wanted to let those know who sent messages about my health, that I appreciate your concern. I am better now, just haven't been back on here. Don't know where life is currently taking me. I am living alone with my little one now, and life is just really bumpy for us now.

I have been very sick, was hospitalized today. I have a severe viral infection in my joints, that has caused me to barely be able to move. I have been trying to rest, I actually just woke up and haven't been able to go back to sleep, and thought i would let my friends and potential friends know what is up. Love y'all.