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angel0923

angel0923

angel0923 - photo 1

Friends:
DaleR65GHOSTRIDER2000HisLittleFaerieCelestMcCloudDruid9999
SirandMam
lilmattie
emjay36
I am not looking for someone who is poly. I dont believe in it! So do not message me if you are looking for a poly relationship.. I DONT share!

I am a 32 year old baby girl from Indiana. I grew up in the lifestyle. My mom is a submissive and I have always lived in a 1950's style household. I remember having munches at my kitchen table, and we still do. I fought my place in the lifestyle for many many years, but have finally accepted that this is where I belong. Now that I have accepted it, I don't feel so empty. I am seeking a Daddy Dom, someone that is nurturing, gentle, affectionate, caring, will provide protection, guidance, and love. Someone that will provide structure and a set of rules and expectations, someone that will lead with a soft, yet firm hand when needed. I seek to start online and if it develops then I will be willing to relocate. I want to be sure that the dynamic is right between us, I will not rush into anything. A wise person once told me to get to know someone "vanilla" first before brings DD/bg into things because if you cant get along "vanilla" you wont be able to get along in the lifestyle either. I have rushed into dynamics before and gotten hurt and abandoned. I don't want to see anyone hurt. Immediately below are the basic requirements that I have, I am willing to bend on the age thing based on maturity level, but I have learned that most under 40 aren't ready to be a Daddy. And I mean no offense to anyone. And when I say bend I mean someone that is 38 or 39, not someone that is 30 or 31! I want someone older than me! I am looking for someone over 40, in the United States, someone that has Skype, is not married, and minimally sadistic. If you don't meet these requirements and message me you will just get blocked!! I am not one to judge based on looks, but come on lets be honest, there has to be some kind of physical attraction involved for things to work. I have been with heavy set men in my past, and I have been with "bean poles". My theory is make love to my mind and my body will follow.. so have an intelligent convo with me. If you message me and you primary photo is a x-rated photo, or your message is full of sexual content or sexual questions you will be blocked. I will not deal with that form of disrespect. Someone that needs to flash there privates as a main pic, is showing a lack of self respect, even on a kink site. (personal opinion). And if you need to send sexual questions as a first message, you aren't into getting to know me, you are just looking for a play toy and I am not the one. Just because I am a baby girl don't mean I am a door mat. I am still a person with feeling and thoughts and wants and needs that need to be respected. I still have a GIFT of submission to give to someone. The quickest way to lose me is to ask me to partake in incest RP or call me daughter I will be honest, as a baby girl I do tend to have a bratty side at times, and sometimes I can be rather, well for a lack of a better term... bitchy. I am usually nice to everyone until I am crossed. My life is normally an open book and I will answer most questions asked of me unless I feel they tread into an area that is too personal for someone I don't know too well...
Where are all the Daddy Dom's at?  I cant seem to find one anywhere!!!

Where is He when I need to be held?

Where is he when I need comfort?

Where is he when I awake shaking and scared?

Where is he when the need to serve is so strong?

Where is he?

Since losing my love, I have been so empty and incomplete. I have felt a void that has never been so strong. I have been so scared and alone.

All I want is for a Daddy to come pick me up, hold me, tell me everything is going to be okay. I want someone that is going to love me and let me love them back entirely and completely. Someone that accepts the gift of submission as I give it and not want me to be someone I am not.

I want someone that understands that I am insecure and it will take time to get over that and be patient with me.

I want a Daddy that I can give myself to completely. I want a Daddy that is going to accept all of me even at my brattinest and isnt going to give up the first time things get rough!

Daddy, where ever you are please come find me! Please come save me from all the ugliness that I feel inside. Please come love me!!!

I know you are out there somewhere, I just cant seem to find you! I want to give up so bad, but my need to love and serve wont let me... I am waiting for you to find me. Please keep looking for me!

I am so tired of men that say they are Daddy's yet want to blow off my feelings, that want to push me to be ready to call them Daddy, that want to change me.

I am still a person with feelings that need to be respected and nurtured!

The Beginning.... The End... The Scars.... The Pain

 

For Discretions sake I am going to leave His name out of this, but felt the story needed to be told so that if I was wrong someone could tell me.

 

We met a few days after I accepted my place in this world, and joined collarspace, then it was collarme. He lives 30 minutes from me. I was so eager to explore that things moved rather quick. I am not even sure I can say all the elements of trust were there when we started our play sessions, but those that know me will tell you I have always been a risk taker.

 

He put me in His ropes and I was a goner. It is His fault that I have 84 feet of rope next to the bed now, it is His fault that I am addicted to the feel of it against my skin. I will forever blame Him. 

 

We became regular play partners. I saw Him once a week without fail. Nothing stopped us.

 

Then one day I get a message... " I am not over my ex" He said. " I cant give you what you need" He said. And poof he was gone. Broke my heart.. I was devastated. I wasnt sure what to think, what to feel, anything. At that time I didnt realize I was a baby girl. I knew I belonged in the lifestyle, just didnt know where. I knew that I had started to feel something for this man, a man that coupld make my body sing with the merest look. Someone who could get my body to react in ways it never had before.

 

I moved on... I tried to have dynamics with others. Those that know me also know how those went, and besides THEY arent the point of this story.

 

Then out of no where, He started to message me again.  "He was over her" He said.  "I found myself again" He said.  "I realize I am a Daddy that is only slightly sadistic" He said.  Promised things would be different this time and he wouldnt hurt me again.

 

Then he realized that my birthday was coming up, and asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I foolishly answered " To be in your ropes one last time". Little did I know that it would really be the last time.

 

That night was great, he held me and cuddled me and entertained the little in me. And when it was time, he got the ropes out, and slowly wound them around my body, teasing the whole time as he did. I was so weak in the knees that he has to support my body at times.

 

He was even thoughtful in how he did them with the back issues that I obtained since we had played last. When I was bound up and near tears, he guided me upstairs. Before the play could begin, he did something he had never done before in any of our play session.... He put a collar on me... I pulled back and questioned it and reminded Him that I dont take collars lightly, even play collars... "I dont either, when I use them they mean something." was His whispered answer.

 

And I started crying... I had just been collared for my birthday.... Play that night took place through sporadic tears, not just at the play, but at the feelings I had inside. I hit subspace that night in a way I never have before.

 

The next few days were interesting. There were lots of firsts. Things I will never forget, moments that are burned into my heart and mind. And then the nightmare started.. It was time for me to come home.

 

Through that time the nightmares started. I would tell Him about them, and all he would say is " oh well, it happens sometimes" They were graphic, horrorfying nightmares, where he would be attacked and sometimes killed.

 

I would tell Him I needed Him bad. He knew I have abandonment issues, His response..." I dont know what to tell you..." followed with some excuse about work or gas money. But when I had gas money, it wasnt good enough. And if you knew his job, you would agree that IT couldnt be used as an excuse too.

 

I fought everyone around me that knew Him and me. They all told me that things hadnt changed, that I was going to get hurt again. That he told me what I wanted to hear, based on what my and collarspace profiles said I was looking for. I truly waneted to believe Him when He said He had changed.

 

I lost friends for Him, lost my sanity. It got to the point I couldnt eat, sleep, all I did was mope. I was too scared to sleep, I would try to eat and I would get sick.

 

In the last 3 1/2 weeks since I have seen Him, he started to get more and more distant... I tried to talk to him about it.... Have the convos it anyone wants to see them to tell me if I did something wrong...

 

But this was the Final Convo and the end of a dynamic that meant so much to me...

 

[10/20/2014 11:13:42 AM] Angel Razorlight: Daddy,be honest... do you need me half as much as I need you? Do you love me half as much as I love you?

[10/20/2014 11:19:43 AM] Daddy: Do I need you as much as you need me? No. The other. I can't say.

[10/20/2014 11:21:22 AM] Angel Razorlight: Shane, I will always be your friend.. that will never change... and I thank you for some great times, but I cant let this continue... I cant sit back while my heart gets broken more and more each day... I am not going to beg release.. I am going to ask for it, and hope you grant it

[10/20/2014 11:22:43 AM] Daddy: Darling we can all use friends. I agree we had some great times. But, as you said, I have ot take care of your needs in this. For your hearts sake, I shall grand you the release

[10/20/2014 11:24:10 AM] Angel Razorlight: Good Bye Daddy! I will miss you bunches! Maybe one day when it dont hurt so bad I will reach out and say hi

 

It broke my heart to know end, and 3 of my dear friends sat on skype and listened to me cry for hours, then my mom held me for hours, and my step dad held me as I cried.

 

I have been hurt before in the lifestyle, but never like this and never where a collar was involved.

 

Just wanted to share the story, and see if someone could tell me what I was doing wrong... or if I just hit another frog.

Seems at every turn I come across a fake.... I just want to meet one REAL Daddy Dom, and be able to be happy. Is there anyone real out there that isnt going to play games with me, win my heart and then leave me?

If there is anyone real out there please find me!