Ang1966elleo

RULES FOR DOMINANTS


1) Be Patient

Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give you bottom time to get to know you and what you like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

2) Be Humble

You may be God's/Goddess' gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the³real you will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.

3) Be Open

Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants that may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.

4) Communicate

You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and you review of SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.

5) Be Honest

If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.

6) Be Sensitive

There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.

7) Be Realistic

End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, no just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don't try to imitate them to the last detail.

8) Be Really Dominant

Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect them to give themselves up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don't shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role - now take it!

9) Be Healthy

Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don't attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of ³drugs and alcohol don't affect me that much...I can do it anyway² violates your submissive's trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don't want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!

10) Have Fun

After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play.

How quickly one's life can change!  

The abscence of contact and communication with one's Dominant can lead to many things, but mainly a feeling of rejection.  At least for me...that connection, whether through email, phone call or in person, is so crucial to my focus and well-being.  Then that person disappears and/or drops their communication...and leaves you floundering for some invisible connect.   I have been struggling for almost six months now and finally this weekend at SinSations in Leather i was able to end the relationship and have closure.  

Finally made some decisions about where i stand, where i want to go and some things that i have discovered i truly need in my life.  

The need for Him is so incredible that the strength of it crawls over my skin like a panther? stealthy and intense.  Wanting to feel the strength of His hands as they move over my skin bringing my responses to the surface in waves of pleasure, He is constantly in my mind. 

I don?t understand the magnetism that was there from the first time I set eyes on Him.  The first day I fought against it as my friend introduced us.  I tried forcing myself to drag my eyes away from His as He is talking to my friend and renewing their acquaintance.  Yet my eyes are magnetically drawn back to look into His like He is viewing my soul.  Yet not in a bad way, but in an ?I want to investigate what this one is about? way.  As He moves away, I am mentally shaking myself and only half listening to the conversation about how much my friend trusts Him and wants to scene with Him, which I volunteer to help her do.  So I can stand on the outside and watch?  So I can look at more of what He is about? 

I have always held myself aloof for the most part, retaining certain parts of me that no one can ever touch, protected and unavailable.  That was where I still intended to remain.  Even though He had offered to scene with both my friend and me, my intention was to just ?experience His type of play? and then go home with a new experience.  Once His hands were on my body the control was released and I felt compelled to give Him access to all of me, even the parts no one has ever seen.  This compulsion grows greater as I see that not only has He taken care of me and my friend, but He returns to the woman already in His care and makes sure that she doesn?t feel slighted by the attention He has given us.  Also due to the fact that every time He is near, I so easily slide into His embrace with no sexual forethought.  I just want to be near Him. 

I leave Him thinking that I will move on and find a new Master once I am home with a good experience from having contact with Him.  The scene we shared was heavenly, but not life altering and the intensity of our connection will fade with distance and time.   Wrong!  I could not have been more clueless as to the true effect this Man would have on my life.  Even through emails and just getting to know one another, I know that this is Someone I could care deeply for and worry that none of this being a mutual feeling.  Then before I can second guess myself again, He is offering to collar me as His.  Ecstatically I accept, but still hold back as I am VERY unsure that long distance, His not sharing with other men and just my lack of self esteem and neuroses are causing doubt that I can handle the relationship that He is expecting from me. 

Long distance has been difficult, but the connection I have with Him along with open communication help in the maintenance of that.  The need for physical contact has always been extreme for me, but the more secure I become with Him the less need I feel to have that from anyone other than Him.  He is the One that my fantasies are focused on and the only One that can fulfill them satisfactorily.  I can feel Him in my mind as He is healing and rebuilding the shattered walls of self esteem as He tears down the barriers created by the pain from abuse and misuse of others.   Where will things go?  Neither one of us knows or can predict where this will be even in a matter of months, much less years.  I am definitely here for the duration and am growing under His guidance.  What more can one beg for?  Daily sexual or physical touch?  All I can say is?that is high on my list of wants, but it all is dependant on what my Sir desires and determines is needed.