anastasiadawn

I  can't help but laugh, and I know its really not worth commenting on, but I just simply could not resist doing so this morning.

I received an email from a supposed Female Dominant who just so happened to be 25,  the same age as my daughter, message me with some BS about being ugly and old. 

Hmmmm  could it be that she is merely jealous, I mean I'm not the best looking woman in the world, but I think I'm ok.. I haven't had any complaints, don't get me wrong, I'm not as tiny as I used to be, but that is something I am working on.

But to be totally honest, it baffles me why people have to be so hurtful. I guess they have nothing better to do.  Oh well such is life.

Have decided that today was the day, back to hitting the gym hard, and back on a very strict diet....  i'm tired of feeling this way.... wish me luck?   Hopefully in another couple two or three months i'll be right back to where i want to be...   

It still amazes me how some Men can be so ignorant, and I don't mean to imply that all Men are this way, but there is a choice few, and its not just Men, but some Women can be the same, I'm not gender partial when it comes to this particular topic, but I swear some people must think I have the word Idiot or Stupid tattooed across my forhead, because for some reason, just because I have a profile on a Alternative lifestyle site that it makes me gullible and appear to be the type who is interested in nothing but a fling or one night stand, I mean really when are others going to learn, I am not that type of person,  like really..... can we say "Get a Life" or " Take a long walk off a short pier" or perhaps something even less becoming or polite, Not all of us are here for one night stands or the occasional booty call from time to time.....  there really is more to a person that what is between there legs or what they are packing in their pants.... Sorry, I couldn't resist the rant, its just sometimes these one liners and lame pick up lines get old fast.  

Toe is healing nicely.... still hurts a little, but its tolerable now, so back to work in the morning, the joys of Home remodeling.... but its fun, always nice when a girl can get her hands dirty from time to time, we can't be prim and proper all the time now can we......

well its official, my dog broke my toe yesterday, had a restless night, I can't believe how much this hurts, and worst of it is, not a thing can be done about it, its got to heal on its own, just some cold packs and some OTC pain pills, and keeping the foot elevated.....   this really is not something I was wanting to happen, its cut into my exercise but I can still keep up with the diet, so at least that is something to look forward to ....... 

OMG To funny, I received an email message today here in CM where I was called a man..... Last time I checked, or took and copped a feel I was sure everything felt of the female gender, and I don't think anything unexpected has sprouted since then.... maybe I better check again just to be sure..... 

I laughed so hard I my sides stomach still hurts.... and yes, for those of Y/you out there who have doubts, its all still very much female....

When will people learn to have proof before accusing..... oh well, all I can say to them is this....... "sucks to be Y/you"

The end of week one doing the whole exercise thing now that family has gone home after two months of visiting, I feel really good, hoping to get back to my ideal weight, which isn't to far off now, and really looking forward to a healthier me.  The exercise combined with proper diet is producing some amazing events.  Keeping my fingers crossed that I can stay on track and achieve what my goal.

I don't know why i have been getting messages from Male Switches, Male subs and male slaves, but it really is starting to get aggravating, I am not a Domme, I do not have a dominant bone in my body, never have and never will, If You are not a Dominant i'm not interested..... and at this point in time i am not looking for anything, I have a full plate so to speak as it is......  so please, all the subs, slaves and switches who have messaged me, thank you for your interest but its not shared in anyway, this rant is meant for any others who think they might be able to change my mind, i assure you, it won't happen.

Time for an evening rant before i head back to bed so i can get the rest needed to feel better, this cold and flu is no fun at all...

But the thing that really irks me is a Dom who has spoken with me on and off over the course of about two years, and all because i refuse to turn my cam on for Him, and have not met Him, i'm being called a fake, i get told i'm untruthful, and maybe i'm reading more into it than i should, i mean, its not like i am owned by Him, i don't have to do as He tells me, the only one i have to answer to is the one i'm involved with.  But after being b*tched at and hearing the meesly complaints that have been thrown my way, it is rather aggravating.... why is it that so many supposed Dominants or Masters seem to think that because they make a demand of someone, then those demands are not follwed they get pissy, whinny and do nothing more than complain.... sheeeesh.... thank god for those in my life that think more of me than just a toy to be played with, thank god people see more of me than that... and i know who and what i am, and to the person this rant is pertaining to, i have nothing  to prove to You....those involved in my life are the only ones that i have to prove myself to.... perhaps another woman out there will be silly enough to fall for you little games, but i assure You, i am not that woman,not now, not ever.

Finally got the treadmill for the House, thankfully i've been diligent about keeping up with the routine i have set for myself, and the results are starting to show even more so than with anything else i've been doing, beginning to feel a lot better, more energy, more enthusiasm as well, so its all been for the benefit of bettering myself, I have a better ability to stay focused, my concentration has almost doubled, and knowing that i'm not just bettering myself, but bettering everything i'm doing... it feels great, and the added weight loss is awesome also... hope i can keep this up, i have a goal to reach, not for anyone else, but for me.  Will update again soon.

Well so far so good, still enjoying the peace and quiet of living in my house alone.... although the whining and crying has begun already, but not surprised by it, sometimes children just never learn....

Dealing with a touch of a migraine thanks to the roofers banging on my roof all day long, can't even get out of my house and go for a drive or something, they have me blocked in.

but at least the diet and exerise are starting to become a norm again, beginning to drop some more weight, so that is an added bonus, just got back from vacation, that was fun.... been back less than a week and want to go again, god i'm really beginning to hate living in the far southeast corner of NM, but it is after all where i chose to set up roots. i'll manage i'm sure, i always do, and it is absolutely amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye, how things can go from good to awesome in the span of one day, gotta love it when things like that happen.....

Keep the fingers crossed, the daughter is gone, grand baby is gone, think they are actually moving north, will miss them, but will also be glad for the peace and quiet i will have with their absence, can finally start getting back into my usual routine, that will be nice, and will be nicer now that i don't have the "mom can we get Mcdonalds please" everyday ordeal to contend with.... trying to diet when there are people around that always want something fast and easy figure the drive throughs are a good place to start, no more, back to complete healthy eating, lots of walks, lots of morning and evening exerise routines, yay, can hardly wait, at least i'll get back to the weight i was aiming for all along with a lot more ease.... i love family, and they are great to have around, for a little while, not for a long while....

Well its been just over a month since starting back on the whole exercise and eating right routine, down a little over 20 pounds, feeling good, thank goodness for the cooler weather, the 100 degree temps were killing me, still want to lose a bit more, and am sure with the right motivation and the right mindset i can reach my goal..... or at least that is what i'm hoping for.... wish me luck everyone.... 

it really amazes me how disrespectful some people can be, and i shouldn't be overly surprised by it either, but what does surprise me is that a so Called Marine who is taught honor and respect can go against everything and turn their back on what they were taught in the core.  i received an email yesterday from a Man who claims to be Marine, and who claimed to have read my profile, admitting to the fact that He seen in my profile where it stated "involved" then turns around and says He hopes that my being involved won't stop Him from having the chance at an "Us" .   Am i wrong, or is that as i said, nothing but disrespectful.... 

I hate not being able to sleep, its to hot and am restless for some reason.... who knows, maybe i'll be lucky enough to sleep before midnight... 

Wow, started back on the exercise routine, but what a bad time to start with the walking... that 100 degree temps will sure play havoc on a persons system, but i got to start somewhere, although tomorrow i think i will do my walking in the early morning hours before the temps get back to the triple digits again.  That heat, even if it is a dry heat can be torture in itself, but eating right, proper exercise and structure should be the best place to start, or at least i hope it is, because i have set goals for myself, now just to make sure i follow through, not for anyone else, but for myself... i have some weight to lose and some places to tone up on. so wish me luck, i can use all the support i can get.

Doing something like this alone is never easy.

Keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes according to plan.

It's been a while since last i posted anything here, but the need to vent arose with a comment made to me yesterday...... something about me having no class, and all because i said i didn't want to talk about a certain topic because i was stressed enough about it and didn't need the added stress on top off all i was dealing with, yet the topic was not dropped.... i mean is it really that hard for people to understand, when something is a sore subject, let it go till its a little easier to deal with, but such is life, and another thing that seems to absolutely aggravates  me to no end as well is the fact that when a woman talks to a Man, and the conversation is an ongoing thing, why do they automatically assume that that gives them control over You, why does it make them think that because they tell you something, that you will follow everything they say and then when You don't they get ticked off and start ranting and raving about how good girls are suppose to listen.  Is it just me or do most think a female should be a door mat to be walked on and lead around by a ring in their nose?  Hello out there, i mean really, stop and think before ya start making demands on something that isn't Yours to make demands on in the first place....

Wow, it still amazes me, after all this time, and i know it shouldn't, because there really is that many shallow people out there, but i have to ask it again.  What is up with all the dick pictures? is it suppose to impress anyone? Is it suppose to make us women come crawling on our knees and beg for it? I mean come on guys, be you Dominant or sub/slave, think about it, what are you really trying to say, is it that You're trying to cover for some other misgiving? Be realistic here, its not the bloody size that matters, its how ya use it, and it doesn't need to be seen to get the girl.  Any person in their right mind is not going to fall for some guy showing there dick on international web for all to see, its nothing more than advertisement to say "Hey Look at Me I have a big Dick"   really i'm not impressed, and i can probably vouch for a lot more on here who think the same way.  If that is all You have to offer a person, then perhaps your in the wrong web site and the wrong lifestyle.  Think about it and re-evaluate exactly what it is that You're saying to others when they see something  disgusting like that being so publicly displayed.

Sleep, hmmmm what is that, I really hate these restless nights like this, It really does suck when the sleeping habits go out the window so to speak, it might only be 10 30 but i'm usually already in bed and would have been asleep a couple of hours, hmmmmm, what is it gonna take to finally fall asleep, maybe some reading, a long soak in a hot tub of water, warm milk, somethings got to give here, i'm up for suggestions if anyone cares to share some ideas..... surely there has to be something that would work.

Finally back from the first of several hunting trips, was fun, a little cool in the mornings, but i guess thats what a person gets for wanting to sit there and wait to see what ya got coming in on Your blinds... seen some nice ones, but think i'm going to hold out for something bigger, maybe next time, who knows, keeping my fingers crossed.....

Received an email from some supposed Dominant wanting to get to know me, and wanting me to get to know him.  Is it that hard to read, Does it not state right there at the top of my profile (Absolutely Not seeking anything at this time, I am currently involved).  I figure that's pretty plain to see. I will never understand what it is with people who don't read or simply can't take the time to read, they see a photo and assume the person is looking, well I'm NOT LOOKING, not now, and not anytime in the future, i'm happy where things are right now. 

I received an email just moments ago from a wanna be Domme  the age of 25 or so she states in her profile asking me if i would call her supposed toilet slave  because she was blackmailing Him into eating of all things, fecal matter, and wanting to know if i would play, i mean to each there own, everyone has there own likes and dislikes, but what ever happened to the three most important guidelines in this lifestyle, what happened to "safe, sane and consenual" I think somewhere along the way alot of people have lost sight of what the ultimate in the lifestyle is, where does eating another persons fecal matter become safe let alone sane or consenual.  So of course, me being the open minded and sharp tongued person i can be replied, simply stating that it was people like her that give everyone else a bad name, that it was people like her that ruin it for those of us who are real, who do live by the guidelines, who do believe that there is more to this than what some call relationships, none the less, this supposed domme was placed on block after a few responses back and forth, i just hope that who ever gets involved with her has more sense than she does, because the way i see it, she doesn't have any to begin with. God i hate people like her, they just make a persons day go from good to terrible in a matter of minutes.... they are no more than time wasters and fakes, they play at something they know nothing about, they have no respect for the,mselves let alone others.... 

I was reading through a profile of a Dominant just earlier today while I was browsing.  I couldn't help but stop and start reading from the beginning again, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if Your worth Your salt so to speak as a Dominant or a Master, be it in the D/s aspect, or the M/s aspect, that trust is not something that is given from the start, but to read in this profile that this Man wanted trust, and respect from the start took me aback, I have lived this life long enough and longer than most, and know well enough that both trust and respect are things earned, not freely given till due process is given.... 

I also from time to time will browse through female profiles, and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that people of a younger age than me can not be Dominant, because i know they can be, I've seen it firsthand through my years living as a slave, but there are so many out there who think that just because they tell a girl to drop to their knees that she is going to automatically do so, again it all boils back around to the issues of trust and respect, how can anyone rightfully give another thier full trust and thier full respect if it is not worked for, that would be like asking someone to jump off the empire state building and it will be ok to do so..... come on people, this is a lifestyle, and one that should be taken seriously, not one that should be thought of as a game, like the message i received the other day mentioning that the person who sent the message and i should hook up... and when i replied calling the person on the fact that thier profile read they were slave, and that i would not hook up with someone i didn't know and that i was not interested i was told that I was to serious... I for one love to have fun, love to laugh, love to play, but there is a time and a place for all of those things, and when playing with fire to begin with, care should always be taken... I've had my ups and my downs in this life, and through it all its been a learning experience, and always will be, so please, if You have any self worth be careful, and i say that to those who are knew as well as those who are seasoned so to speak.....  its not a game..... 

Words, are they merely that, just words? Promises, are they the same, merely a promise with no intent on following through? 

A conversation that is had just tossed aside with no meaning whatsoever, when does the false turn to reality? Does it ever?  Some how I don't think it does, not when words are simply tossed out there then taken back later.  

But no matter, life is what it is, there are those of us out there that know what we are, what we do and what we want, then there are those who simply speak falsehoods to make themselves look good in the eyes of a potential.. 

I guess the good thing about knowing what we do is that it can no longer come back to bit us in the backside... not when we speak truths, and others speak falsely..

But again, it is what it is....

Enjoy life to the fullest, be honest, and never hide anything that may make You look bad later in life.... 

Life is what we make it, not what we want it to be, after a lot of time and a lot of consideration, I have come to the conclusion that no matter what our wants and needs are as a sub or slave, they seem to matter little to the Dominant and or Masters in todays world,  Its such a shame to see things spiral ever downward, with merely a few of us who are true to the lifestyle or what ever everyone wants to refer to it as, for me, its not just a lifestyle, its a way of life, I am slave, there is no denying it, not in any way, no matter how its looked at, this is me, and sometimes its difficult, sometimes its not, sometimes its easy to know where I stand on things, and other times i don't know.

Sometimes i sit here at night and ask myself why things have to be so complex, so complicated most times, then i  think to myself, that if life was easy it wouldn't be worth living.

If we could all realize and understand that the world doesn't revolve around only ourselves, our needs, our wants, our desires, maybe then we would all realize that we have to make the best out of what we are given, that life is to short to be so narrow minded.  But maybe in a perfect world we would see things in such a light, but we don't live in a perfect world do we.

Back at Home and comfy in my own bed after the surgery, stiff and sore still, but nothing a few pain meds won't take care, hope everyone is doing good, and thanks again for all the support that everyone has given me over this time .....

Shoulder surgery is finished with, one less thing to worry about, still being the same day that it was done, it hurts, so the pain meds are a huge help, now just to sit and wait for morning so i can make the three hour drive Home. I just hope i will be able to make the drive, but at least i have my daughter with me, who should it be needed can drive, she'll just have to be careful is all....

According to the doctor, things went fine, they got it all, and will be sending away for testing , and when i go back to see Him on the 13th they figure the results should be back.

I just hope i can manage to make it through the night without rolling over, that would be rather painful...  i'm thinking pillows against my back and pillows tucked against my tummy to keep me on my side should work just fine.....

Thanks to all of Y/you from here that have sent well wishes and such, they were appreciated.

I received an email here this morning that made me laugh..

I was called Mrs.A, does my profile not state that i am indeed slave. I guess it was the boots or something, it was sent from a male slave/submissive.

Is it just the boots, or is it the outfit as well, I am the furthest thing from being Dominant that i can ever think about, i've lived this lifestyle for 21 years and not one time have i ever considered myself Dominant, I honestly do not have a dominant bone in my body.... I am as much as a slave as is humanly possible.

But to the person who sent the email to me, thanks for the smile and the laugh, it was needed today.

Shoulder surgery tomorrow so i won't be on as much till recovery time is over with.

I didn't realize it had been so long since i wrote in here... sitting here tonight restless.. working on some crocheting.... and doing some serious thinking... finally comfortable, finally content, at least to an extent... its amazing how quickly things can change, and how unexpected they can sometimes change in a good way... not complaining, actually sitting here in awe... one minute its as its always been, the next its changed so drastically, but what makes life so interesting and so worth living are the things that surprise us the most... 

Several things have changed for me since my last entry... and most all of them for the good.... just one that i could do without, but life sometimes isn't fair... my upcoming shoulder surgery is the one thing i could do  without, i do not relish the thought of anyone taking and cutting into me.... even if it is minor... but all the other things.... are most welcomed.... perhaps one of these days i'll elaborate more one them, but for now its just nice to know i'm finally smiling again.... its a wonderful feeling.

Anyways, as much as i could sit and write in here all night, i'm going to leave things as they are now, sit back, watch some television and do some more on the blanket i'm working on.... and hopefully rest will find me soon.... 

sweet dreams to all the friends i have out there, and a wonderful day tomorrow for everyone who reads this between now and then.

It absolutely amazes me how many people don't understand what the words "not looking for anything other than friendship" mean.... is it something that needs to be literally tattooed on a persons forhead for them to look at every day in the mirror when they wake.... would that maybe get the point across..... if i'm interested i 'll let them know.... if not then simply move on because i promise trying to get anywhere with me at this point in time is like walking into a brick wall, its not going to happen.... now if friends is what You're looking for fine, but don't hold your breath for anything more.......

How can a person think us slaves are that bloody gullible.... wow, am i ever glad i didn't follow through with my initial plans.... wow i would have looked the fool.... but i guess life has its little quirks where things turn out for the better, where things work out that the hurt isn't there, just a shame that people can't tell the truth these days.... a shame that people have to be two faced and baldfaced lie about things, keep secrets, and go behind the back of those who are suppose to be important, but all that has happened is a good thing, because it means now i can finally move on and begin anew, start over, with a clean slate, and not have to feel bad about turning people away even those who wanted nothing more than simple conversation because of jealousy.... life is great, and that weight that was sitting on my shoulders is finally lifted....gotta love it.

Again i'm not surprised in the least, just disgusted and annoyed.... why is it that others always want complete obedience and respect from a slave, then in the same breath turn around and do nothing but ignore and try to hide ..... wow where is the respect and honor in that, why is it that when the Dominant ones do this they are still held in high regard, but when a sub or slave does this exact same thing to a Dominant, they are the lowest of low and are then discarded.... i mean isn't it only right that what is given should also be what is received... why is that when a sub or slave speaks up and tries standing up for themselves or for those who are important to them, they are called spoiled and blamed for throwing a tantrum, or again discarded.... why is it that a sub or slave is always required to give a reason for the actions, and a Dominant isn't.... what i see these days is alot of double standards, and alot of disrespect, honor and loyalty.... when does it stop, when does it start to get better....