I'm a writer by trade, fiction mostly. As such, I live a lot in other worlds. My mind will wander at the slightest provocation, and it's hard to observe anything without a story forming, though it's the rare gem that amounts to anything. Ever watch squirrels in a park? The things you can imagine...My goal is to become a published author. To write and have somebody read it. If my books sell abysmally, but connect with one person, mean something and say something to them...Well, I've succeeded.

"Will you dance with me now, heaven's child?" sang the clown.
"We've nothin' to lose but your wings and my frown."

Sometimes I say things that people don't understand. A friend told me once if I made sense I'd probably be a scary bastard. Frankly it's the world outside that's confusing to me (and sometimes a little frightening. Cat genitalia *shudders*).

Zuh? What? Wake-up call? Who is this? Where are my pants...And why am I in a phone booth?

Do you like philosophy? I'm a fan of Kierkegaard and Sartre and the rest. You're born, you live, and then you die. Gotta fill in the blanks yourself. Some people think that's scary. I think it's hopeful.

"I aim to misbehave."

I do have the warm, fuzzy aspects though. When you pet me I purr. I laugh a lot. I can be very affectionate. Like a little kitten, or puppy, or...or meerkat. Those things are effin' adorable. I like romantic gestures, though ya've gotta get a bit creative on a budget like mine. Student and all, you understand. Ever been dancing on a rooftop by moonlight? Have you ever had someone craft a very detailed poem about you in Elvish made entirely from Kraft macaroni and elmer's glue on the finest construction paper from Milan?

And every 20 minutes, a kitten comes out!

My personality is a bit scattered.I tell ya Hobbes, there are some days when even the rocket-ship underpants don't help.

Mash up A Perfect Circle's "Pet", Flogging Molly's "Seven Deadly Sins" and Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill". That's a good place to start. Equal parts Roland Deschain and Eddie Dean, Mal and Wash. I'm almost intractably silly most of the time, but don't let that fool you. There is some "therioth buthineth" going on upstairs. And downstairs. Maybe in the lobby, too.

Ford! There's an infinite number of monkeys out there who want us to read this version of "Hamlet" they've worked up!

I should probably put a bit about what I'm looking for now. If you've sat through all of this I owe at least that much. First off, if you got any of the references in the above, there's a chance we can at least be friends. Voracious readers and counter/pop-culture nerds a plus. A Woman who's not afraid to be CALLED a nerd is doubleplusgood (hey, look at that, another reference). I'm looking for somebody who has a good sense of humor, who can take a joke and maybe crack a few Herself. A sense of adventure and whimsy is good too. Somebody who'll climb trees with me in the park...or at least laugh and point while I do it.

"You were once shoved head-first through somebody's vagina. Why are you so acting dignified?"

Want to go free all the horses at the NYPD stables? Want to sing Neil Diamond songs really really loudly while we walk down the boulevard hand in hand? Want to swing dance on a table at a bar in Startford-on-Avon? Tell me about the imaginary friend you had when you were a little girl. I wonder if yours and mine knew each other? When it comes to BDSM, I'm just as varied and flexible as my other interests; sadistic and nurturing personalities go over equally well, though I respond best to a healthy balance. Slap me and then caress the tears away...I'll melt. I especially love somebody who can giggle and laugh and smile. It's called "play" for a reason, don'tchya know? Let's be kids in a candy store together. A big, weird, perverted, leather-and-rubber filled candy store. Like if Roald Dahl wrote all his books in an underground German sex club.

I'm in the bar now! Am I getting laid!?

I'm not a skilled laborer. I'm not a mechanic, I can cook but it certainly isn't "gourmet", and I'm terrible with computers. What I can do is learn. You want the bed made a special way? Well gorram it, I'll do it that way. And if I get it wrong, I'll do it again...and again...and again, until it's right. I was able to pass Geometry with a deficiency in math, I can surely learn how to do that. Just an example. And I think there's an unappreciated joy in manual labor, a subtle nobility. Working with one's hands is a pleasure, and things like splitting wood or mowing lawns or even simple things like washing dishes provide an outlet for unhampered thinking. I've had some of my best revelations stocking shelves in the grocery store.

Some people play tennis. I erode the human soul.

Turns out 2008 was my year. Something works out for once. Right fucking on.

The rain in Spain falls on the plain
There is joy and also pain
but the rain in Spain falls on the plain.