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Mets1986
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| I've come here for years now. With nowhere to go, I wrote out parts of a broken mind, with wild aggression and painful earnestness. I feel worthless. I was born into this and I don't know how to get out. Only ever felt loved through abuse, genuinely angry for the lack of more, of worse, missing the monsters.
The old profile is in my journal. I don't know who I am and I don't know why I'm here. I'm not property but if I were, I'm taken already by the memory of my maker and the devotion I've given away permanently. Ensuring my safety from my impulses, but still I can't deny them.
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I'm a well-written piece of shit. I'm a smart, capable, waste of time. I am purposeless, decidedly useless. There's not somebody here to save me from myself, nor do I seek that. I am just seeking a particular kind of mind, similar to my own, who might venture here for the same need.
Stop playing the dom thing and just prove it, show me, drop the act and connect human to human, use that "power" or create it. |
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Ode to Stockholm; a most beloved syndrome
In nights
whether sleep comes or
whatever the case
you come again.
A touch like warm sun
like the butt into flesh
and the smell
and to feel you
to taste life
stripped down to primal
fetal and feral
in love.
call it survival
A memory now
a dream to carry with you
into delusion and back again
dedicated.
To never let go
keep life instinctive
with
"wrong"
choices for all.
I choose you this time |
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Dear reasonably intelligent people,
Those of you who read my profile and journal and think I'm smart and all that. Those of you with your penchant for verbose vicissitudes of viciousness that come with an almighty flourish. Come praising or come deconstructing, you come. You bite because you're who I appeal to, and you've entered the ring, but here's another. There's enough of you weeded that I'm annoyed enough to vent here.
Say something. Don't just come with nice words. So you can write like we're in a fantasy novel, great. So you've noticed I'm at least not an idiot. Okay, good for us, we're not at least an average IQ, pooooosssiblyyy, maaaaybe above average. Okay, so here we are, let's now just exchange thousands of letters arranged in neat little ways because at the very least the manipulation of linguistics is available to us. Great. I love language. I love the written word. I love to read beautifully composed messages. They absolutely work on me... so long as you actually say something within them.
All too often, it's become only the exchange of flourish. You appreciate the mind you're going to break. This is what and how you'll do it (read: your fantasy) maybe, if I'm lucky enough for that (or lucky enough to skip the hardly entertaining, uninspired blathering) and then it's just telling me everything about me that you can read from all of the clearly spelled out, annoyed ramblings. You proceed to tell me about myself, when I clearly am already fairly self aware and actually delivering you on a written platter. It's all spelled out here, here I am. This is the person. Oh so broken and saddddd, that was mocking a little while completely sincere, at least I am sad, I don't feel broken. I just get labeled it. Then again, I'm not mad at present, my mind is here, though on a tangent.
Just stop with the nothing. Stop with the analysis followed by "so, tell me everything that happened" let's unlock this door, crack this egg, horrible metaphor here, unnecessary wordplay here, toss in a big word, oh man sooo impressive. What are we doing? Are we having a human exchange on a level not often achievable due to societal hangups and the inability to connect with a mind that could accept, embrace, understand, relate to, etc? Or are just proving to one another that we're smart and better than those dumb dumbs who can't talk like us can because we be awesome yo. It makes me laugh at US, together, we're both pathetic. It's embarrassing. Can that please not be a thing? I mean, I get that I'm totally cliche out here with all this nonsense but it's coming from a part of me that clearly needs it out. It's not about actually feeling superior to anyone, it's literally the opposite of that. Stop switching the cards on me, it's awful for me to laugh at you and feel like some part of me just can't because... that's the case. My mind can top yours on some level and I HATE IT. I don't want that. That's already where I'm at though, and it really does make for more fun. I'm inventive and creative at least in the realm of my worthlessness and psyche. There's a big wide world for me, because I often taste insanity and when I come back to "reality" I still have this mind that's capable of more than I allow it to do.
You don't want to fix me or help me. That's fine. I'm here letting out the rest. The stuff that treads the line between insanity and reality. The one pacing every night, wondering what side I'll come out on. What reality I'll choose, and/or create. What's worth the effort. What's going to be the most intense, the most... Everything. The most mad, the most experience, the farthest it will go. I don't mean just sexually, that's also boring. Maybe everything is boring. I don't know. I'm worn out and this is a journal, I don't have to really wrap it up for anyone.
Thanks to those who have appreciated my writing, for whatever the case. I don't really know about any of it, but... whatever, thanks. |
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Dear try hards, calling me meat, cunt, whore, etc. doesn't make you tough or badass and doesn't prove to me how interesting you are. It's rude, sure, but I don't really care. It's not a display of your dominance or superiority, though. It's just name calling, like children do.
It's the mind that scares me. Mine for sure, those of some others. If all you have is lame substitutions for a twisted mind, I don't really bother.
We're all here because we all have a little cute dark side in us, with the unicorns and candy of the real dark of this world. Spankings and elaborate nonsense will never be the genocide, war, murder, torture, or real rape of this world. What is played at here is the vestige shadow of a past some have known or the flimsy fantasy of the rest of us who can never know or begin to relate.
We will never know the middle ages. We will never be what we are not. Come as you are. I have. Scared, confused, lonely. By memory burdened, by mind suppressed, by body unwilling. I think, therefore I am? I suppose, but I'm meant not to be. I've resigned. I miss the days of my youth, abuse, and purpose. See you there, if you can find your way through my mind and into the only and best playland I can offer. |
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Oh... you're way more fucked up than me huh? Online is just too boring, too tame, too waaah waaah waaah... Oh, you'll show me in person? When I'm there? When I'm yours? After we work it around your work schedule and mine and all that other shit, later, when fantasy pretend time is over and you pull up your domly self by your bootstraps and you pull out your toy collection and show me what years of experience with willing participants has gotten you. Yeahhhhh, I can't wait.
You know what's fucked up? Abusing my damaged psyche until I'm broken enough to stop pretending to be a person and start living however I'm told... except people don't seem to get that. I should totally just claim to be down for irl with everyone. Because one cunt can cover the country, hell... the world!
This site is frustrating. People are frustrating. Jesus. How fucked up can anyone be when they don't get something so simple? |
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Okay, I totally don't mean to be rude. I'm really quite a sweet person when I pretend I exist... but the fact is that I've been just inundated with fools. DO NOT BOTHER ME IF YOU'RE NOT A SICK FUCK.
I get it, I get it. You've got this many years in the lifestyle. You're sick. You're twisted. You're demented. You want me to bow to you. You have Master in your name on here, you're legit! Except you're not shit to me. I don't care about you. I'm not afraid of you. When you type out *slaps you in the face* to me, my face doesn't get slapped. I laugh at you and move on. Just don't even bother me.
You're fucking normal. You're average. You're vanilla with leather fucking sprinkles. I don't care about your nonsense. THE ONLY PART OF ME YOU CAN -ACTUALLY- FUCK IS MY MIND. This is online. I've given you more than enough information. I got fucked. Young. I'm fucked up. I'm nonfunctioning as a person. I cry and hurt myself and hate myself and see something worthless in the mirror like any fucking broken idiot you've ever met. Don't try to show me I'm a whole person unless you are one. If you're awesome, and you have something of value to teach me, as a person, go for it. I will see that, admire it, respect it, learn from it, grow because of it... but that's just a cool bonus of being in a place where people connect. What I'm here for is to get off on others getting off on abusing my piss broken mind. Break me over and over. I've got stockholm's and I don't want it gone. Take me deeper. Go dark.
If you're not better than me, I'll know it. I unlock doors. I explore, I question. I seek. I learn. I am looking for a mind I can revere, a creature who can ensnare my reluctant, thrashing, fucking insolent mind. Tame me, I dare you. Keep me meek, shy, timid. I'm powerful and you know it, but how powerful are you if you take that all for yourself.
As a note to sub guys, I dig how dark you get, I like it. You're way more perverted than sub girls I've met. By far. But I'm not into you. I could domme the crap out of you because I know what would be good for me, so I can give you what I should be getting if I were you... but I'm not into it. It's not my place. Too bad, huh? I feel this all the time: Can you "dom" (whatever the fuck that means... I swear to god if you're wont to explain that to me I will shit a brick... insert forcibly kinkified joke about said statement here fucking predictable.) Anyway... yeah, can you do it better than I can?
I know a few of you can. I've seen your minds. Some of you come at me full force, dark, vile, twisted. I dig it. Some of you come at me human, real, but with some actual thought, depth, perspective. I dig that too. Bring you, if you're good. Otherwise, don't test me or yourself. Don't be too sure of yourself, because way too many people are by the looks of my inbox.
It's okay if I'm not the chick you're meant to domly dom the fuck out of... it doesn't make you less of a man. It's okay. You do not have to message me to prove how much you're all that. You don't. You're all the shit you want to believe you are. Congrats. Hit me up when you fucking mean it. When you've got something to say and when you want to get real, even if you only really want to get me twisted up. My mind's not that hard to get mixed up. But the harder you try, the easier it is for me to gain an upper hand. Sit back, relax, observe, stick a cog in the works where you see might make the biggest impact, experiment, and watch the turmoil. Let it come to you. That's what I'm here for, to give it... but not to just any one, sweet god, I'd be boring as fuck if I did.
Those of you that read this, got it, smirked, and thought me sassy or interesting or better yet... of quality. Message me. Go for it. I'm looking for your type. I'll get a lot of fools who think themselves of your caliber, but I'll weed them out easily. Not rudely or bluntly, this is my journal, I'll be this way if I feel like it... and I do, right now. But I will weed them out. I am looking for You and I will find you. When I see that look in the eye of a man who has found prey... I tremble, and I fall victim, and I feed them, and I love it. I want to fulfill that and every facet of your being. The good, the bad, the worse, the worst. |
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| Age: 22 |
| Chicago,
Illinois |
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