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GoddessM2000
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BettyCarol
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| I'm a crossdresser that would love to correspond with other crossdressers on the subject. I had thought about describing myself as a trans sub after looking at some of the other profiles on here, but that's not really who I am. I'm a male that just happens to have a real fetish for dressing up and fantasies that revolve around being used as a sissy maid or slut, that's entirely up to my Mistress. And speaking of that, I have a Mistress that treats me very well. She's also my girlfriend and we have a normal (whatever that is) relationship in the vanilla world as well.
As you can probably see in my pictures I'm in a wheelchair due to a parachute accident. It keeps me from doing very little and does not define who I am, it's simply the way that I get around these days.
I just recently changed my location, though I still live in Murfreesboro, I spend a lot of time in Chattanooga since that's where the kink club of which we're both members is located and it's where my Mistress has Her playroom, the location of the longest and most out of body orgasm that I've ever had.
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i'm back from Colorado, actually i have been for a few weeks, but haven't done much of anything except unpack, clean up, and take a trip to Virginia to visit family. But this weekend i'm going to Mistress' house to play some before school starts back on Monday. As i type this i'm sitting in bed completely hairless with my toenails painted a light pink and wearing a blue bra and matching panties. In a few moments i'll change into a long night gown for the night and hit the hay with happy thoughts in my head. This entire weekend will be en femme with Her laying out outfits for me to wear each day and me having no prior knowledge.
i do know that i'm to arrive early enough tomorrow to change and await Her arrival fully dressed and made-up. She's going to lay out an outfit for me to wear as well as choose the wig. She's promised that we'll get lots of pictures, so I'll have a few to post when it's all over with.
Nights will be spent en femme as well with the clothing being entirely up to Her of course. Saturday is going to be a big event. First i'm to get up, get dressed and take care of Her needs, so that means an early morning. Then i'll have to fix my make-up prior to breakfast and at some point we're going to go out for a little drive. This will be my very first time en femme in public and during the day at that, so i'm both nervous and extremely excited about it. She's told me that we're going to drive around for awhile, maybe go through the Starbuck's drive thru, and then at some point She's going to park and do some shopping leaving me in the car for everyone to look at that wishes to do so. And with my handicapped hang tag She says that she'll be able to park nice and close so that everyone that comes close can get a look at me. For the first time i'll be able to see just how passable i am to others.
Saturday afternoon we're heading to Her playroom for an evening of nipple torture. i had to remove the barbells from my nips, so they're no longer pierced. i would have loved to have kept them, but i kept catching them on things. Oh well, i have no doubt that Mistress' will make sure that i leave there Monday morning nice and sore all ready to go to class. It's been months since we played and i'm really looking forward to a good caning and some time in nipple clamps. Not to mention the many other things that Mistress' is sure to have planned.
One thing that She mentioned to me today is a new strap-on that She's going to use and force me to take it deep in my throat and then fuck my mouth while i gag and my masscara runs down my face. i've played with dildos before and can take about 7 1/2" inches, but She says that this one is thicker and in the past i've always been the one controlling the cadence. i know that She won't actually hurt me, but just the thought of having Her fuck my face is a huge turn-on. We're still working on a real dick for a blowjob at a later date.
So Saturday night will be dinner, dressed in something else and then off to bed after a tiring day. Sunday i don't know what She has in mind. At one time we had talked about spending the day in Her service taking care of Her feet while i wear a little sissy maid outfit and She takes advantage of both my nipples and a continual tightening of a corset throughout the day. Of course by then we may both be worn out and need at least a partial day of rest! LOL
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For the past 2 weekends i've lived largely as a woman while staying with my Mistress. She's enjoyed it greatly as well. Different outfits, trying to perfect my make-up, and of course massive amounts of shoes. Now i fully understand the whole "shoe" thing! LOL
One of the days weekend before last was a more formal outfit consisting of a sleeveless black cowl neck sweater with a leopard print skirt, matching leopard print shoes and underneath was all sexy! i had on all black, bra, panties, garter belt, and stocking. my Mistress kept peeking under my skirt. She gets a real kick out of seeing me try to fit everything into a sexy pair of panties and a garter belt to frame it all. Of course the bra for this outfit was a C cup, so my boobs were bigger than normal and somewhat inconvenient, but i don't think that Mistress really cares whether i'm inconvenienced or not, as long as i look like She wants me to look.
We played with some rope bondage, top off and bra still in place as She bound my hands so that i couldn't move and then took advantage of my nipples, much to my pleasure. Since we had them pierced they're much more sensitive and a whole lot of fun to play with. i really did enjoy the bondage and would love to try it for an entire evening, even being forced to sleep while bound in some form so that i can't pleasure myself in any way. We've talked about that for DomCon in October and we're both looking forward to keeping me in complete submission all night, bound in some way or in a sleeping bag with padded mittens, locked in all three with a cute lacy bonnett to match.
Speaking of the sleeping bag, i've found someone to make just what i want, with Mistress approval of course and look forward to it coming in. It's going to be shipped to Her house so that She can admire it and possibly bring it up to CO in late June for an evening of fun.
Last weekend i spent all of Saturday in femme and even took a nap that way with Mistress. i was wearing a purple cami and short khaki skirt with purple bra and panties that matched the cami perfectly. i do believe that Mistress really enjoys me in a short skirt. It gives Her all the access that She wants anytime that She wants!
We've talked about spending all of DomCon in femme and i'm not sure if i can do that or not. On the one hand it's EXTREMELY exciting, but on the other hand i'd really prefer to go out to dinner in femme one evening, perhaps Saturday and spend the rest of DomCon in a bra and panties under my regular clothes, perhaps with some make-up and whatever Mistress wants to put in my bra, and She does have some ideas. These include vampire inserts, sandpaper, and steel wool among other things. Just the thought is a huge turn-on.
Last night She sent me an e-mail telling me that when She came up this weekend to help me with some stuff that She might wear capri pants and if i gave Her a hard time about it that She might force me to wear them sometime as punishment. By the way, i hate capri pants. That might be worse then water boarding!!! LOL
We've also talked some more about me meeting a former sub of Hers for the purpose of getting to know him and later getting my first taste of sucking some real cock. GOD would that be wild!!! As i sit here right now wearing peach panties i think of this and wonder what would happen if he really enjoyed it. Would i get to give him head more often and learn the art of a good blowjob?!
So i'll close now and likely this will be my last entry until i get back from my summer Colorado trip which is August. To all that read this i hope that you're having a great supper and enjoying the read. Drop me a line and we'll get to know each other a bit. I'll be on here from time to time, just not journaling much if any. |
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Oh, the things that i have to look forward to. This weekend is going to be an all helen weekend starting Friday evening. i'm to be dressed, made-up and all ready to go when Mistress gets home. i can hardly wait! There's just not much need to bring any male clothing with me as it's not going to be needed until i leave on Monday. She's talked about trying out some rope tricks, which are something that we haven't done since DomCon in October. She has some pink rope, though She may have to go and get some more, i don't know how much She has or what She has in mind, but She's said that i'll be immobile while She has Her way with my nipples. The piercing has certainly achieved its desired goal and made them more sensitive. They're not fully healed, but healed enough to play with some.
A few weeks ago when She was here She took the opportunity to pick out some clothes and some nightware for me. i've since chosen lingerie to match the clothes so that i look the part underneath as well as outwardly. i have one wig here and one there, so we'll have a little bit to play with. i plan to stop by the store and get a little more eye shadow and a lighter color of lipstick, kind of a bubble gum pink.
It's been a long time since helen came out, especially for any period of time. i have a lot to do tonight in the way of hair removal and Drano just in case the drain in the shower can't handle it all! LOL
i'm really looking forward to this weekend. i can't wait to see what She has planned. This will really be the last time that we'll get to play seriously, at least for an entire weekend, until August when i get back from Colorado. She's going to visit for a week while i'm there, but due to other things serious play will be out of the question, though i'm sure that She'll come up with something. :-) |
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As usual i'm tardy in my journaling. We've had some unusual moments since then. Mistress did take an evening at my place to restrain me and torture my nipples until i was in tears. Well, i didn't quite get to the point of tears, but Her penis gag did keep me from screaming as She beat and abused my nipples. At one point i thought that i was going to lose it with all of the times that She zapped me with the electric fly swatter. DAMN, that thing hurts!!!
We had this session without a safe word. It's not that i want to live dangerously, but we've been dating now for a year and She knows pretty much what i can take and when i've had all that i can take. And we did reach that point.
i got my nipples pierced and they're healing up nicely. They're at the point now where She can nibble on them some and pull and pinch them. They're REALLY sensitive now though, which i like!
We talked some about DomCon Atlanta that's coming up this October. She's already picked out an outfit that i'm to wear when we go out in public one evening. i've never done that and honestly it scares me to death, but at the same time it's a real turn-on to think about it.
We're starting to come up with some rules for DomCon this year, or should i say that i'm suggesting them to Her and if She approves then they go in the contract. i've also been tasked to look for a sleeping bag that locks and locking mittens so that i can't play with myself at night. The nightie or sleeping bag will change from night to night, but the locking mittens will be an every night thing. She's also interested in restraining me one night and seeing how that goes.
i think that She wants me to kiss a guy this year and maybe make out a little. Yet another thing to make me nervous, yet excited at the same time. Hopefully She'll let me do this when i'm fully dressed and made-up.
So many new things and She keeps coming up with new ones all the time. i LOVE it and i LOVE HER!!!
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We had a wonderful weekend. i didn't get my nipples pierced, due to circumstances beyond our control, but that's coming soon. We had a good time at the toy bazaar, which was filled with vendors, but not as many buyers as last year, perhaps due to the economy, but all of them said that they enjoyed being there and made at least enough money to make it worthwhile to come back again.
We talked about fantasies and those that we've yet to fullfill. Two of them stick out in my mind as i write this. One being the opportunity to serve tea to my Mistress and some other Dommes of Her choosing and then have a party afterward. Whatever they wanted to do to me would be entirely up to them with only a very limited number of hard limits established beforehand. The thought of dressing up in my finest pink sissy maid outfit complete with matching corset and being at the complete mercy of a number of Dommes at one time is a huge turn-on for me and one that i'm lucky enough to perhaps be able to take part in at some time in the not too distant future. Of course my nips would have to fully heal first, once they're pierced, but i have little doubt that the wait will be worth it. my Mistress is interested in having Her first girl on girl experience and tasting pussy (besides what's on my face). Apparently the idea is that Her and Her friends would take care of each other's needs while i was forced to sit in the corner, hands cuffed behind my back, and watch, unable to do anything else and completely at their mercy if they should choose to take a break from each other for a moment to pay some attention to me. Now if that isn't every sissy maid's dream then i don't know what is!
Another fantasy, and one that we're going to pursue, but at a VERY careful pace, is to find another sissy maid, one that is willing and interested in being completely submissive to my Mistress' every desire and having the two of us (me and the other sissy maid) have a time with each other. She's DYING to have me taste cock for the first time and to see my mouth fill with cum as i'm forced to practice my deep throat technique on a living person. Of course there would be lots of kissing and playing with each other's nipples as well. The build-up to the main event would take time and be orchestrated by my Mistress at all times. my nipples and cock get hard under my night gown just thinking about this one!
This coming weekend we're planning on some private play, play to the point of tears, as well as a weekend of dressing up. Being Valentine's Day The Mark, a local BDSM club, is going to have a special event of some sort, so we're going to visit there and socialize, but the main event will be at my place, tied to the bed and gagged with a penis gag, my nipples abused in every way imaginable until i'm completely in tears, my masscara running down the sides of my face, but unable to beg or get away.
i'm SUCH a lucky sub to have the Mistress that i do. And not only is She my Mistress, but my one and only girlfriend as well. i truly do love and care more for Her than i ever imagined would be possible. i can't wait to give Her a Valentine's Day gift that She so much deserves.  |
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my Mistress is taking me to get my nipples pierced on Saturday after the toy bazaar in Chattanooga. i can hardly wait. Of course i'm a bit aprehensive, but then who wouldn't be. In the meantime, She is requiring me to wear a bra during the day and a nightie at night as well as teasing my nipples during the day through the bra. She's trying to get me as worked up as possible before She takes me to get them pierced and it's working quite well!
This weekend i'm going to be staying at Her place and She's having company overnight after the bazaar, so dressing is out until they leave on Sunday. However, i've been told that i will still be wearing something womanly to bed on Saturday and of course on Sunday as well, since i won't be leaving until Monday morning. This weekend will be a casual weekend in regards to attire and no nipple play will be taking place for a little while since my nips will need some time to heal up.
She asked me if i was sure that i was ok with it the other day. She's so considerate, but i'm fine with it and if for some reason it's just not something that i can live with then they can always be removed. But i doubt that will happen. She's decided that it would be tooo much fun to get a pair of vibrating tongue barbells and put them through my nipples and then have me run around for awhile like that until She decides that i've had enough. She's even mentioned doing it in public.
i wonder if the waitress would notice the buzzing sound!!! LOL |
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MLK weekend, i'm just now getting around to journaling it. A lot happened that weekend. For starters, i had to delay coming down until Saturday, so things got pushed back and we didn't play until Sunday morning, but i'm getting ahead of myself and Mistress would HATE that.
When i arrived on Saturday i was wearing red panties and a bra, the same ones that i had planned to wear on Friday. The bra wasn't unique, but the panties were rhumba panties will lace frills all over them. They're really sexy to look at and have a unique feel to them. Mistress really liked them as well. i brough enough clothes for a small army and of course most of them went unworn, but we'll make up for that another time. So on Saturday after i got there we exchanged Christmas presents. We went to visit my family over Christmas and decided to wait on our exchange until later so that we could have our own special little Christmas. She bought me some wonderful things, but the ones that i'm going to mention here She bought especially for helen. i now have a large assortment of earrings as well as a jewelry box to hold them. i got really excited when i saw one pair as i had the perfect outfit with me that would match them perfectly. She also bought me the cutest pink nightie with white polka-dots that i wore that night.
It was a bit late to get all dressed up Saturday, so She allowed me to get dressed for bed and dine that way as well. We had spaghetti that night and of course She had the table set and we shared wine and candlight as we dined, me dressed in my new nightie. It's always an erotic feeling to have dinner with Her when i'm dressed up in any matter. And of course when i got there She had "needs" that had to be taken care of, which is what took up most of the afternoon. i LOVE licking Her pussy and especially like the fact that She enjoys being on top, smothering me and shoving it in my face. There are times when we don't do it this way, but there's something about having a pussy stare you in the face and then cover your mouth and nose that is soooo erotic.
Sunday morning after breakfast She had me get in my special panties, the black satin pair that says, "Mistress M's Boy Toy" on them in pink embroidery, as well as full make-up and a wig, and then She took the bin of panties that She'd been saving and had me wash them by hand, one by one, but first She had me go through them and select the one pair that was more fragrant than the others for something special that She had in mind. i'll tell you about that in a minute.
So, one by one i washed them. i would come into the living room and She would have me open my mouth and then She'd shove a pair in there and i'd carry them that way into the bathroom and wash them, then bring them back for Her inspection. As i would come back and She would inspect each pair She would play with my nipples with Her riding crop, teasing them or sometimes slapping them. One one trip She put nipple clamps on them then played with my nipples each time that i returned with a newly washed pair of panties, in my mouth of course. And speaking of "pairs of panties," just why do they call them a pair when they're only one item?! Oh well, some things were meant to be a mystery.
So once that was done we went down to Her playroom. She had taken the pair of panties that She had set aside and put them in a measuring cup that contained hot water. She brought that down to the playroom as well. Once we got down there, as usual, She had me place my hands in overhead restraints and then She took the measuring cup with the panties still in it, swirled a dildo around in it, and then straped it to Her waist. She forced me to suck on it and give Her head, shoving it all the down my throat at times and occasionally holding the back of my head untili gagged. DAMN, i LOVE it when She does that!!! i've discovered that i can take 7 1/2 inches down my throat; one day we hope to give that a try with a real penis, all of the cum going in my mouth or on my face, but eventually down my throat. Just the thought of it gets me wired!
As we had discused previously, this time i was gagged, but not blindfolded. The gag had a small penis on it that went into my mouth, so the whole time that we played i had a short, black penis in my mouth and no way to remove it. Something new and something else to love.
i don't recall all of the details, what was used and when, but it was interesting to see it all happen, to know what was coming next. However, She had placed a locked high collar around my neck, so that if She held something low i couldn't tell what She was getting ready to use even though i wasn't blindfolded. i forgot to mention this before, but it's a pink collar with frills on the top and bottom, really cute and lockable in the back. It's not real high, but high enough that i can't really look down when i'm wearing it. There's something really special about having a collar locked around one's neck, especially one that you can't not feel. And of course i love the color as well, but then what sissy maid wouldn't enjoy pink?!
She used a variety of things on my nipples; clamps, Her boot heel that She ground into them, the evil stick (that i REALLY enjoy), and of course a variety of canes. It took much longer for me to get into subspace, but once i did i was gone. i recall Her beating my nipples with the doggie bat, pretty hard, but it wasn't a painful feeling like it normally would have been, it was erotic and enjoyable, pleasure through pain. She managed to get my nipples quite swollen, a feeling that i had missed, and especially at this intensity a feeling that i knew that i wouldn't get to experience for a few months since we're going to have them pierced on the 7th and we wouldn't have a chance to really play again before that. i'm really looking forward to getting them pierced and at some point we're going to find some nipple rings or barbells that will have Her name or at least initial in them so that i'll be reminded everytime that i look at them or feel them that i belong completely to Her. She's looking forward to hanging things from them!!!
Once we got back upstairs, since i had already showered and shaved me legs, i got dressed in my sissy maid outfit. This was the new one, the black one that i got just for those times that my Mistress needs service. But of course She wouldn't like it if i just put on the outfit, so first thing She had me put on a one-piece body suit that is quite confining in the mid-section, but is open around my nipples and has an opening in the crotch that is just big enough for my balls and penis to fit through, so that they're nicely framed and exposed. Then a garter belt and stockings and then the sissy maid outfit goes on over that. This time Mistress put a corset on me, nice and tight, so that my mid-section was pulled in and i had an hourglass figure. It was quite the sight to look at myself in Her mirror and see the new figure that i had!
Mistress decided that first i needed to serve tea. She told me not to eat too much since She had plans for later, which wasn't a problem since the corset pretty much kept me from eating anything! I really do enjoy the feel of a corset, especially when it's laced nice and tight, but it does take some getting used to and between that and my nipple literally throbbing from our play session downstairs i was both alert and horny at the same time. After tea time She had me clear the table and wash some mushrooms to go with dinner. Then it was time to take care of Her feet, something that i also enjoy doing, but it never seems like we have enough time when we're together. So as She soaked Her feet in preparation for a foot massage and thorough going over with pumice, She had me sit so that She could grab at my nipples and tease them. Just the feel of the fabric against them was pretty intense, but when She would touch them it was quite a feeling. I took care of Her feet and put some nail polish on Her toes then blew on them until they dried. Then it was time for Her to have Her fun.
We went into the bedroom, She removed all of Her clothes and laid down so that i could give Her a full body message. We had been to a workshop on message not long ago, but i'd already forgotten everything that i'd learned there. i tried my best and of course played with Her pussy and ass as much as i could get away with. She had me part Her ass cheeks and play with Her asshole with my tongue. It sounds gross, but i really do enjoy it. It's not really possible to get it inside more than just a fraction of an inch, but it's real delight to run it around Her asshole and knowing that it turns Her on adds so much to the pleasure.
Then She had me lay on the bed. She pulled up my apron, skirt, and petticoat and put a cock ring on me. Then She proceeded to rape me! It was a first for both of us. She really seemed to get off knowing that i was helpless underneath Her as She pleasured Herself, my thumbs in thumb cuffs and above my head. my view, with the skirt and petticoat pulled up, Her riding me, and for what i believe was the first time, She left the lights on with Her clothes completely removed. i REALLY love the look and feel of Her body, to be able to see it in the full light of a lit room is a real turn-on. Anyway, She would ride me for awhile and then sit on my face, then go back to riding me. She put nipple clamps on my already EXTREMELY sensitive nipples and then took a large vibrator and mashed it into my nipples on top of the nipple clamps. When She did that it REALLY hurt, but at the same time it was a huge turn-on. It was almost more than i could stand and there were times when i came close to using the safeword, but even though it hurt like hell it felt so good that i didn't want it to stop.
i don't remember what i wore to dinner that night, i think that i was allowed to wear a nightie, but for the life of me i can't remember. At any rate, i was exhausted. Dinner was wonderful as always; Mistress is a very good cook. i slept really well that night.
The next day i was sore as hell, my nipples hurt, and i had bruises that to this day (8 days later) are still there, but i was fully satisfied. Mistress decided that it was time for me to dress formally, so i took the outfit that i'd been saving, the one that went with the new earrings, and put it on. Regretfully we didn't take any pictures of that one, but it consisted of a white knee length skirt with red and navy blue stripes forming a V, a sheer navy blue buttom up blouse with white buttons and trim and navy blue pumps. Underneath i went the whole nine yards and wore matching white bra, panties, and garter belt with nude stockings, and the long wig. i had my doubts when i first looked in the mirror, but Mistress loved it! She added a white scarf that She placed under the collar, around my neck and tied for me. She swore that i was actually passable, which made me quite happy. One of these days we may go into public. Mistress brought it up one time, but i think that i was so nervous about it that She never brought it up again. While it does scare the hell out of me, the thought of it is a huge turn-on. i don't know if we'll ever do it, but it's a great fantasy. :)
After all of our play and dress up on Monday night I finally got my punishment for not wearing a nightie one night the week before. When we were at DomCon i bought Her a new paddle that says "SLUT" on it. We decided that would be my punishment paddle. Of course She's free to punish me in whatever way that She chooses, but this paddle had not been used and I imagine that She felt that it would be appropriate. She told me that i was to receive 5 hits with it on my EXTREMELY sensitive nipples and then She gave me the choice of which nipple. i chose the right one. So that evening, after we had gone to bed, She pulled out the paddle and made me tell Her what i did wrong and why i was being paddled. The whole time She was playing with my nipple with it, flicking it and just generally gently playing with it. After i had told Her why i was being paddled She suddenly gave me one quick whack. i was so surprised that i almost didn't count! Then She talked to me a little more, playing with my nipple the whole time and gave me the 2nd whack, then the 3rd and 4th all pretty quickly. Then She paused, played with my nipple some more and talked for a few minutes. Finally, She gave me the 5th and final whack. DAMN was that painful, but it does serve a purpose, that i know. It corrects wrong behavior and i also know that it serves to tell me that the She cares enough to correct that behavior. It sounds strange, but it really does make me feel good deep down inside knowing that She cares enough to correct any bad behavior on my part.
Looking back over the past weekend, it was absolutely incredible!!! my nipples are still sensitive and i still have a few bruises, but OMG was it worth every bit of it. i can only imagine what it'll be like once i get my nipples pierced. That's less than 2 weeks away now. i can hardly wait. Mistress is going to have a lot of fun with this one! That weekend i'm going to bring an outfit to wear on Sunday. Saturday will be spent at the toy bazaar and then Saturday night we'll get my nipples pierced. i really look forward to the future!!! |
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We have a big weekend coming, a three day weekend together over MLK. Mistress has had me sleep in a nightie each night this past week and at night after I'm in bed i have to put on a pair of clover nipple clamps and stimulate my nipples for 5 minutes, but no longer. She's warned me that there will be consequences. One night i was so tired when i got home that the last thing on my mind was dressing up or playing with my nipples, it was going to sleep, so i didn't comply with Her request. Of course She asks me every day and of course i'm honest with Her, so when She asked the next morning i said that i hadn't. She's warned me that She has something planned to punish me for my transgretion. i don't know what it is, i can only imagine, but it has my even more turned on than before.
One thing that i've discovered doing this is that i have a lot of pink lingerie. i hadn't really given it any thought as my collection grew, but a lot of it is pink. i like that; it's a turn-on, and it's my Mistress's favorite color.
Starting tomorrow She's upped the anti. i'm to use the nipple clamps in the same way twice a day, once when i go to bed and once when i first wake-up. She told me to close my eyes and think of all of the wonderful things that She's going to do to me, the pleasures that She's going to provide, and the service that i will give Her, morning, noon, and night.
She told me a few more details about this weekend. For starters there's all that chest, back, and underarm hair that She's going to rip out, i presume by way of wax, but it could be by way of Epilady as well. They're both painful, but in different ways. i think that the wax does a better job, but She does enjoy teasing me, hair by hair with the Epilady. So many things to think about.
Saturday morning will be a long session in Her playroom. i've asked if we could change things a bit and instead of being blindfolded i'd like to see what's She's doing as She does it. In the past we've always played blindfolded, but i'm really intrigued lately with the idea of seeing everything as it's done and knowing that there is nothing that i can do about it. i've also asked if i could wear a ball gag. In the past i've always been gag free; She likes to hear me scream. i've worn one for a minute or two, but once again, something new that we haven't done would be a huge turn-on. And LUCKY me, She's granted me both requests! She has said that from time to time She may tell me to close my eyes and that i must comply fully and immediately though, but i don't think that'll be a problem. When i'm in Her playroom She's the Queen and i'm there for Her to do with as She wishes.
This weekend will be a full 3 days and 4 nights of helen. She's told me not to bring any men's clothing, only what i'll be wearing when i come down and what i'll be wearing when i leave. The entire rest of the time i'll be en femme, fully dressed and properly made-up, wig and all. She surprised me tonight by telling me that i would need 5 outfits in addition to the new black sissy maid outfit, 3 of them formal, for evenings and 2 of them casual, for days. Of course one of those days will be spent as a sissy maid, at Her beck and call to do anything that She desires for me to do. She's been saving up Her panties for me to wash by hand and told me tonight that i was to pick one pair, the most fragrant pair, and set those aside for later. What She's going to do with them i can only imagine.
Friday night we're going to do a little jewelry shopping. Nothing major, but i have no bracelets and now the holes in my ears are healed so She's going to pick out some special earrings for me to replace the balls that i've been wearing. i need a variety, but i'm hoping that at least one pair will be long, long to my shoulders if possible. For some reason the thought of wearing long earrings, perhaps heavy ones, is a huge turn-on for me. i do need some to match my different outfits.
Necklaces though are pretty well taken care of, at least this weekend. She told me tonight that i would be wearing the high and stiff pink locking collar at some point over the weekend. i imagine that i'll be locked all weekend. i love it when She does that!!!
Oh, so much to get ready and packed. In that past it was easy, t-shirts and jeans. The only shoes that i needed was the ones that i had on, but no longer. Now i need a caddy just for my shoes!
This is DEFINITELY going to be a weekend to remember!!!!!! |
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It's been over a month since i added anything to my journal. It's been a little while since helen, the name that i chose with my Mistress's permission has really come out and done very much. But some weeks ago my Mistress did surprise me when i asked her if She would allow me to wear something, of course i was thinking of a bra and panties under my clothes or a nightie, but She had other plans. She had me dress completely as helen and then i had to call Her and tell Her exactly what i was wearing. i was lucky enough that She let me choose and She has complimented me by telling me that i had good fashion sense. She did tell me that i was to wear not only a bra and panties under my clothes, but i was to wear a full slip as well. Several layers of clothes does add a certain degree of femininity, don't you think?!
So after some thought i decided that along with a full slip, the only one that i have, i chose a matching white bra and panty along with a white garter belt and nude stockings. That was just the undergarments. On top of that i chose a red button up satin blouse and a knee length tan leather skirt. For shoes i chose red flats that matched the blouse and as required i wore a new wig that my Mistress told me that i was to wear along with full make-up. The wig is longer than i'm used to and darker as well. It's about shoulder length and a very dark black. All that i had worn before were either a dark blonde or auburn. i didn't know if i'd like it, but found that it was quite a turn-on to have longer hair; the feeling of it brushing against my face and shoulders was a huge turn-on. I do believe that Mistress M should take me wig shopping as i have a few styles and colors in mind that i'd like to try.
Of course i first took a shower and shaved my legs. i had thought about shaving my underarms and chest, but my Mistress would have been VERY disappointed in me as she likes for me to grow it out to a point just long enough that she can rip it out with either wax or with an Epilady, an instrument that was truly designed by a masochist. I perfumed myself with a perfume that I picked up at Victoria's Secret, a perfume called Pink. I then tweezed my eyebrows just a bit. I'd really love to thin them out some, but i have to pass as a male for most of my life and i don't want to look out of place. i think that i'll have to play with them some though and see what i can get away with. At the moment i'm in desperate need of having the hair on my arms trimmed a bit as well, but i'll leave all of that to my Mistress as She would HATE it if i did it myself.
After putting on my make-up and working on doing something just a bit different with my eyeshadow i got dressed in the clothing that i'd described earlier. i then called my Mistress and talked to Her for awhile. We were both pretty turned on by it, but of course we both wished that we could be together so that She could see what i looked like and get Her approval on my attire.
That night i changed into the nightie that my Mistress had chosen for me. i didn't stay dressed as helen for very long as it was late in the day when i'd started. i had a lot to do that day that required me to be presentable, in other words, dressed as a male, so i really didn't spend much time dressed, so after all of that trouble i retired to my nightie and took off my make-up. On a sidenote, my Mistress has mentioned taking me into public fully dressed as helen. She even mentioned the mall! This is something that's a bit odd as it both terrifies me and turns me on at the same time. There's so much that i see in the way of flaws, i just don't know if i could ever really pass as a female, but to go to the mall...that's asking alot, or should i say DEMANDING.
So back to my story. My Mistress had a real surprise for me when it came to a nightie. She told me that i was to wear my long pink night gown! Usually She has me wear something a bit more sissified and so feminine that no woman would ever wear it, but i really do enjoy the long gown. There's something very sensual about wearing something that is vintage and that i know was worn at one time by a woman that didn't have my unique attributes.
More recently She had me wear a bra and panties for a few days before visiting Her and not allowing me to play with or even touch my nipples, something that i really love to do. She did have me tease them just a bit along with 5 minutes, but no more with a pair of clover clamps, but then I was to stop without relief and not touch them until the next day. By the time that i came down to visit Her for the holidays we were both horny as hell. She had taken several days without giving herself any relief and when i got down there to visit She was more than ready to queen me, something else that I REALLY enjoy. It didn't take long at all for Her to have an orgasm or two, She almost got off before i'd had the chance to really enjoy Her pussy on my face.
While we were in Virginia visiting my family we didn't get the chance to do anything sexual so by the time that we got back to Her place in TN we were both horny as hell again. She hadn't taken the oppportunity to take care of Herself the entire time, so once again She queened me and i took care of Her needs. i REALLy enjoy that! i love to play with Her ass, stick my tongue in and wiggle it around, suck on Her clit and run my tongue in and around Her pussy. It gets me all hot and bothered just thinking about it.
Well, that's it for now. Over MLK weekend She has an extra day off, so i'm going to go to Her place and take the persona of helen for the entire time, unless we go out somewhere. i just don't have enough nerve yet to go out in public. She's going to take me to Her playroom the first day that i'm there and work on me for awhile. i've been begging for Her to cane my nipples until they're nice and swollen. It would be a great way to start a long weekend where She can do anything that She wants to my nipples and when they're that sensitive it wouldn't take much for me to go out of my mind. i know that for at least one day i'm going to be a sissy maid in my new black outfit. i can't WAIT for that!!! i love to give Her a good pedicure and maybe i'll even attempt a manicure if She'll let me. Whatever happens, that day will be my day of service to Her in any way, shape or form that She demands. She's said that i can pick out what other outfits i'll be wearing. It really makes me feel good when She says that i have good fashion sense, good enough that She leaves me to my own accord to choose my wardrobe. i'm hoping that She'll queen me and allow me to explore her ass, at least for as long as i can hold my breath as She smothers me!!! i'll be sure to chronicle that weekend in a much more timely manner.
And one last thing, saradeanna469 told me about a way to hide my beard that i'm looking forward to trying. i shave really close, but i grow a heavy beard, so even though i'm told that it's not noticable i know that it's there, so i look foward to giving that a try. |
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As usual I've been remiss in my quest to keep a proper journal. I really must get better at keeping this one up to date as events are simply lost over time and it's a lot of fun to go back and read about them as a reminder. It's also fun to think that there's someone out there that could be reading it as well and perhaps gaining some insight into their own psychy; giving something a try for the first time after reading about it here. Maybe I'll actually be lucky enough to convince someone else to try the sorts of things that I'm journaling here and get them out of the closet, even if it's only as far as their bedroom.
So, what has been happening in my life since my last journal entry. Well, in early October Mistress and i went to DomCon and had a blast! We went to so many different lectures that by the evening we were worn out. I actually fell asleep, just for a second though, providing Her with oral pleasure! Needless to say I was punished for that one. And of course there was a REALLY good class on corporal punishment that we went to the next afternoon before i had received my punishment. How's that for timing?!
She had originally planned to keep me in women's clothing each evening after classes and dinner, but like i said, we were just too worn out to make all of that happen. The days were really packed and of course there was the bizarre that we spent a good bit of time at finding new things that we just HAD to buy. i bought my first corset, actually two, and bought one as a gift for Mistress. Since i'd never been in a corset before it was quite the adventure. i really do like it and miss very much when i have to go too long without it. Since Mistress lives about a two hour drive away i can only wear it so often. i don't know if i could get in it by myself, but it just wouldn't be as enjoyable without her tight-lacing me.
She did have me in panties and a bra at all times. The only time that i wasn't wearing them was when i was in a nightie or getting a shower. It was a huge turn on for me, it really gives me a very special feeling that is more than just being horny. It's something that i can't quite describe, so you'll just have to try it for yourself. i will say that it's a damn shame that all of these wonderful underclothes are there just for women. Of course thare are numerous sissy underthings for guys as well, but it just doesn't seem fair that all of this great stuff, outer garments like skirts and heels included, should be limited to just women.
She had me wearing nails all weekend, kind of a semi-short length, but still quite prominient and something that I struggled with four days. i did have several of them come loose and even come off, but we glued them back on right away, because of course i couldn't be allowed to be without them. They're a little hard to work around and one really must be careful to keep them from being damaged at all times. It gave me a whole new appreciation for yet one more thing that women have to put up with.
While my fingernails were only painted on occasions in the privacy of our room, my toenails were painted at all times. She also had me wear some masscara or just a hint of eye make-up during much of the weekend.
Now on Friday we went to 1763, a kink club in Atlanta and i was introduced for the first time to the stocks. Which meant not only some play time, but for the first time ever i was exposed as She had me take off my shirt and of course there was a bra underneath. i had thought that this would be awkward and embarassing, but in this atmosphere it didn't seem at all out of place. And the softness of the bra felt good on my sore nipples after a good session of nipple torture.
On Saturday She had me wear my black corset all day outside of my shirt, so for the first time ever i was cinched up, but not too tightly. If you've never worn a corset before, you don't know what you're missing. They really do feel great and keep you erect with proper posture at all times. Then during a lecture on "prediciment bondage" She pushed me up to the front of the class to "volunteer" to be a demo dummy for Artimus. So Artimus removed the top of my shirt, but keeping the corset in place, exposing my bra. She put a hemostat on one of my nipples and since i was facing the class i got to see their looks as She tigthened it. The funny part was that i was wanting Her to tighten it more, but given this environment i didn't dare say anything. So i've come to find a new element to bondage and discipline that i REALLY enjoy and that's predicament bondage. There's something really interesting about forced to do one thing or hold one pose that's uncomfortable or difficult, but if you move or break it you torture yourself. I can't wait to explore that one some more, so Mistress, if You're reading this please give me that privelege.
So now on to the BIG night, Saturday. i did get up enough nerve to dress fully in public and Mistress was soooo excited when i asked for permission to do so. Of course i couldn't just wear any skirt, so out came the sissy maids outfit, a silky short pink and one piece with lots of lace, a frilly petticoat, apron, stockings and little pink shoes. And of course the page boy wig and make-up as well. It took FOREVER to get dressed. i was so excited and nervous that i was shaking! i got mad at the mascara and started cussing at it; needless to say Mistress found this to be pretty humorous!!!
Then came the grand moment, when the door to the motel room was opened and for the first time in my life i was out in the open for all to view. We went throught the hotel lobby that way, got in the car, which was a whole new adventure having never worn a corset when doing such tasks. Oh yes, i forgot to mention it before, but Mistress laced me up in my other new corset, a black one with pink stripes that happened to match the sissy maid outfit and brought out my curves in a whole new matter. And being in a wheelchair i couldn't just walk over and sit down (though if i could walk i'm sure that Mistress would have had me in something that would have made that interesting as well), i had to transfer from the wheelchair to the car and between the petticoat and corset it made that a whole new adventure. Fortunately i didn't fall on my ass in the parking lot as Mistress was cinched up as well and i don't think that She would have been able to help me get back up. Now that's a funny picture; me wearing a sissy maid outfit, Her in a leather dress and corset, me on the pavement and neither one of us able to do anything to get me up without getting at least partially underdressed, not to mention the damage to the sissy maid outfit! LOL
Once we got to 1763 there were several people there that knew us and had no idea that i enjoyed wearing such finery. i LOVED the look on Red's face when she saw me. She's a sub and a friend to both of us, soon to be more than just that. We puttered around there for a bit and Mistress chose an appropriate room with a hanging bar for play. I got to sit there and hold our space since there was a line for almost all of the play space. Then Lord Mercury looked at me and it seemed to take him a moment to realize just who he was looking at, but he got the biggest smile that i'd ever seen on his face when he did realize it. He came over with his clan of 2 submissive/slave females to say hi, so of course Mistress had to show off my panties. And yet another thing that i'd forgottent to mention. i have this special pair of black panties with pink lettering in the front the reads, "Mistress M*****'s Boy Toy". They're really cute and quite comfortable being satin.
i don't recall exactly when it happened, but once again i got to be the toy for not just one, but two women; my Mistress being one of course and the other was Red! She had never topped before, but took to it like a fish to water. i was blindfolded, so i couldn't see who was doing what, but having two Dommes biting your nipples at the same time is damn near the equivalent of heaven...in a painful sort of way! It didn't take me long at all to enter subspace and enjoy my own little world. Thanks Red!
By Sunday we were both worn out and slept in really late, so we missed a few things. One that i'd wanted to attend was a lecture on how to serve tea as a sissy maid. Since the Mistress Tea was later in the day i had thought about being able to serve tea there and of course Mistress was going as well, so i would have to make Her as proud as i possibily could, but we slept in too late to make that lecture. We did go to a lecture on corporal punishment, which incidentally was just prior to when Mistress had said that i was going to be punished for my transgretion. She got some good ideas and decided to dedicate one paddle to be solely for punishment, that being a ping pong paddle. Since i'm in a wheelchair spanking my bottom doesn't really work, so i was to be spanked directly on my nipples and She didn't hold back, at least it certainly didn't feel like She did. i was told to get where she could get a good swing and to get my arms out of the way behind me. It was all that i could do to keep them there, but i'm certain that would have only invited another stroke or two. As it was i had five coming on each nipple and had to count each one off as it was given as well as thank Her for it. DAMN that that sting! It left my already sore nipples from two nights of play bright red and quite sore. She hugged me afterwards and i thanked Her for my punishment once again. This may sound strange to some here, and most that aren't, but it shows me that She really does care enough to correct those things that need correcting and She never punishes me recklessly, it's always in a firm, but affectionate manner. We don't live this lifestyle 24/7, far from it, so punishment is solely for lifestyle transgretions. Outside of lifestyle we're equals in a loving relationship.
Anyways, following this we took one last tour through the bizarre to see what we could find and of course did find a few things. One of them is a small stuffed Lamb Chop wearing a full body harnes. It's really cute, but displayed in private, not in the living room. The other thing is a paddle that is now the punishment paddle. It is leather, about a foot long, and has "slut" cut out of one layer of the leather, and it's backwards, so that when i get paddled with it the inscription will leave a nice mark on my chest and nipples. i don't know how long it'll be there, i'm guessing probably a day or two, but so far i've yet to be paddled with it. i am being careful now not to need correction of this kind. It's something that i do not only to keep from getting paddled or punished in other ways, but out of respect for my Mistress. i love it when i can please Her!
So that brings us up through DomCon. I'll write more later to get caught up, but I've got to do something today besides type! I do have housekeeping to to (my own house, service isn't really my thing). |
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i had intended to write this earlier in the week, but didn't get around to it. As i sit here now, typing this i'm wearing purple panties and nipple clamps, something that Mistress told me that i was to do today. The nipple clamps for 7 minutes both today and tomorrow and the panties will be something that i'll be wearing until DomCon is over.
This past Saturday was INCREDIBLE!!! When Mistress got home i was all dressed as helen, make-up, wig, clothes and all. Though i did have a hard time with the eye make-up the rest was pretty easy. Mistress was very pleased with the result and told me so. She sat in my lap an kissed me over and over, tasting my lipstick and lipgloss as our mouths met. She was pretty turned on seeing me as helen and i was quite turned on playing the part. At that moment all that i wanted to do was jump into bed and take Her with me, but apparently She had other ideas and wanted to make the excitement build.
So before doing anything we had dinner together. It was the first time that i had sat at a table and dined while dressed as a woman, outerwear and all and it did feel a bit odd, but exciting nonetheless. It was a real turn-on to look at my wine glass and see lipstick on it and know it it was mine and no one elses. I'd even taken care of that pesky knee problem and kept them properly together as any lady would.
After dinner we talked a little bit, but both of us seemed to have only one thing in mind and that was getting to the bedroom. i showed Mistress what i had learned from reading on the internet about giving head and took a double headed dildo that She had deep into my mouth and then down my throat a short ways. I don't know exactly how far, but it was about 1/2 way and gave me a real thrill being able to do that. It wasn't long before She was on the bed with the same dildo 1/2 in Her pussy and 1/2 in my mouth, Her with Her hands on my head enjoying the sounds that can only be made by someone trying to give head and gagging in the process. I discovered that it's much harder to take it when the excitement is building and all that you can think about is pleasing Mistress.
Well, it seems that make-up doesn't last forever. After that She had me lay flat on the bed, on my back while She climbed on top and forced Her pussy into my face, making a mess of my make-up and pulling my wig off at the same time. i love it when She queens me! Sometimes it's a little hard to breath, but damned if it isn't worth every second.
It looks like helen will be at DomCon and fully dressed at all times when we're in private. When in public i'll be wearing at a minimum a bra and panties. In addition my nails will be glued on for the entire weekend in a french manicure while we're out and then in whatever color Mistress wants when we're alone. I'm to be at Her beck and call at every moment with even the slightest hesitation resulting in punishment. As for whether helen will come out into public Mistress has been kind enough to leave that up to me.
i can't wait for DomCon!!!
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Oh soooo much to tell!!!
Recently my Mistress suggested by e-mail that i should try being a sissy maid. If only She'd known what a can of worms She had opened. i'd thought about it, but She was the first to bring it up and such began a new journey and a new identity as Helen.
The journey began, like most journeys, with a small step, but in a different direction than that normally taken. It all began with a pair of panties and a bra. my Mistress bought them for me and wanted to see what i would look like wearing them. She'd found yet another way for me to submit to Her and indeed one that i enjoy VERY much.
i came up with a special gift for Her also, a pedicure. I spent some time reading about just how to give a pedicure and actually bought a book on the subject. I spent hours shopping for just the right items that i would need to give my Mistress a pedicure. i could hardly wait! After getting properly dressed, just a bra and panties this time, i proceeded to give my first pedicure to my Mistress. We spent hours with me taking care of Her feet, worshiping them, grooming them, and finally applying nail polish. She teased me the entire time and afterwards we embraced and She told me what a wonderful job i'd done.
That first pair of panties and a bra (actually a "bralette") turned into an obsession and we went shopping together looking for just the right stuff for me to wear both when i was at Her service and when i was away, but directed by Her to wear them. She began to have me wearing a bra and panties in public, under my clothes. I switched from t-shirts to something heavier to hide the bra, but the way that they felt on my nipples was such a huge turn-on that even though i was a bit self-concious at first i REALLY came to enjoy that feeling.
It went from just wearing them when i was with Her to Her telling me that i was to wear them while traveling to see Her and then at times She would direct me to wear them when She wasn't around. She bought me my first nightie and made me wear it one night when i was at Her place sleeping with Her. OMG, what a turn-on!!!
Then there was the day that She told me that I was not only to wear a bra and panties, but that I was to go out and buy my own bra and panties all alone without Her being present. I was a nervous wreck, yet stimulated beyond belief as I went from one store to the next trying as quickly and unassumingly to look at and pick out a suitable pair for myself. The panties really weren't much of a problem, but the bra was a much greater problem, as I don't wear anything to make the cup larger and I basically needed a 38" bra without any cup size. I felt like a pervert looking in the juniors section, hoping that no one would ask to help me. I about jumped out of my skin when a sales lady asked if she could help!
Nonetheless, i did manage to get a bra and panties and even a 2-piece nightie that day, though I was so nervous that I got the wrong size and had to return to exchange them. It was something that i had to do fairly quickly as She had told me that i was to bring them with me when i came to Her place that coming weekend and it was already Wednesday or Thursday (i don't recalll now).
That opened up a whole new list of experiences as i began to lurk on ebay and buy lingere that looked interesting. i was developing a fairly extensive wardrobe of bras, panties, and nighties, and then came the "sissy maid" outfit!
I found a tailor on ebay that would make one that was just the right size with a huge petticoat and a even a little choker and head piece. When i sent Her the pictures She fell in love with it and told me that i was to buy it in pink.
Of course no sissy maid would look the part without a wig and make-up, long painted fingernails and the whole nine yards, so after much discussion She found a wig that looked the part and my transformation began, but only after i returned from a long trip that left me yearning for more.
Upon my return i came down to Her place to visit one weekend and brought it all with me. We spent most of the day turning me into a sissy maid. The most time consuming part was getting rid of all of my body hair, and of that i had no shortage. She spent time playing with wax and Her epliady removing all of my body hair from the neck down, sparing only the hair on my arms, but making sure that my genetals were well taken care of.
Not only did i have the sissy maid outfit complete with petticoat to contend with, but She also put me in a one piece bodyshaper and a waist nipper over that so that my body would have some minor resemblence to that of a woman. On top of that She put me in a special pair of panties, black satin with Her name on them in pink lettering letting anyone that could have seen me (if i had DARED to be seen) no doubt as to whom i belonged.
She taught me all about make-up, what to wear and what not to wear. How to apply it so that i knew that i was wearing make-up, but not enough to look like whore. Of course when She queened me it messed the whole thing up, but by that point i could have cared less!!!
i wish that I had begun this journal at the very beginning of this transformation so that i could recall blow by blow the events that took place, but i didn't and now i'm forced to try and reconstruct it all from memory, something which is much harder to do that one would think. A few weeks ago Mistress had me get my right ear pierced to match my left one so that by the time that DomCon Atlanta comes around next month they'll be healed up enough to wear some hoops or long dangly earrings. Mistress has said that i will dress up as helen at DomCon and that helen, dressed as a sissy maid, might even make a public appearance.
As i sit here typing this Mistress is at work and i'm getting ready to hop in the shower, shave my legs (they're always to be shaved apparently as a chore to remind me of my place). apply my make-up for the first time without any supervision and become transformed in helen. Mistress took me shopping yesterday and we got a number of really nice skirts and blouses so that now helen has something more casual to wear than just her sissy maid outfit. She EVEN left it entirely up to me to pick out what helen will be wearing, not just what skirt or blouse, but what she's going to be wearing underneath as well.
I've decided on wearing the white flowery skirt that just covers my knees with a camisole style blouse in pink and pink flats to match. Of course i'll be wearing pink underneath as well; a string bikini and a bralette of the same color. There won't be any body shapers or hose this time as helen will be entirely casual, but nonetheless she'll be wearing make-up and a wig to complete the ensemble.
I must go now. I hope that Mistress is pleased with the result.
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| Age: 36 |
| Dirty distrik,
Washington D.C. |
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