Happy New Years

Submission & Learning

I went to a friend’s house this evening, one I have not seen in eight years, and in all truth opened my eyes to the BDSM lifestyle, not just as a scene where two individuals can immerse themselves in sexual or spiritual play.

While there we discussed old times, philosophies, and idealisms.   One of the topics that came up was submission and learning.

My thoughts both as Dominant and an Individual one who wishes that any submissive or Dominant would learn some of the basic concepts prior to jumping into any relationship.

As a submissive one of the key aspects that you should learn is to know yourself first, until you find the Man/Woman you wish to serve fuck Dominants, Fuck your Family, and Fuck your girlfriend/boyfriend.  How can you know what you want to give until you know what have to give or offer to another. Yes a Dominant can help you find yourself, and in that case you should allow them to help you learn but if they are not helping you find out who you are, why serve them until you know who you are.

Know yourself

1. What is your ultimate fantasy/desire?

2. What is your ultimate Fear?

3. What is your ideal Dominant?

4. What are your deal breakers?

5. What are the differences between your needs and your wants and are you able to separate the two.

What I am finding more and more is  that those submissive or Dominant individual come into the scene looking to be trained or looking for a slave/submissive to serve them, however in that same search they jump at the first person that says I am lord hear me roar, or I am submissive let me serve. Sometimes these are perfect matches other times the fail within the first three months.  What a lot of individuals don't understand is that the questions I just asked are just as important no matter what side of the fence you are on.  Answering them is one of the first stages of knowing yourself in the scene. Parts of the answers can not be found until you have experienced aspects of BDSM however a majority of the answers can be found by actually taking the time to be honest with yourself.

My own answers:
1. What is your ultimate fantasy/desire?

My ultimate fantasy/desire is to find a submissive
who understands that when I have made a decision it will be final.  I will take insight or opinions from others including my submissive however the final decision will be mine.  She may bitch moan and/or groan to anyone but she  will obey the decision.

My ultimate desire is finding a submissive that I trust with my life just as much as she trusts her own in my hands.  Finding a girl who has an identity beyond being mine, but desires and wants my identity to be apart of hers. Finding a girl who in all honesty is smarter then me in most things, but needs/wants/desires me to guide her submission, service, and life like I guide my own.

2. What is your ultimate Fear?

My ultimate fear is to die alone and feel that I never touched another’s life.

As I have made friends/acquaintances half of that will never happen.

3. What is your ideal Dominant/submissive?

A woman as active as me, one who can go fishing/hiking/camping/swimming, ones who's body is pleasing to my eyes, one who desires to serve sexually, non-sexually, domestically, and emotionally.  I seek a submissive that doesn’t have a lot of emotional baggage. One who is strong enough that if I am not there I know she will be able to live, work without me having to micromanage every detail. One I know who will stand up and protect herself until I return. Even if put her under the protection of another.

4. What are you deal breakers - smoking, drugs, married or already in a relationship, know it alls, laziness, non-medical obesity.

I am allergic to smoke, if a girl, lady, or woman wishes to serve me, then the addiction or desire for cigarettes will be less then the desire/want/need to serve me.

No Drugs that are not prescription for a real illness.

Married or attached, I have been with a married woman before all it does is separate the desires of the woman, serving two men no matter what is said.  She must serve the marriage, and then the Dominant second.

My experience with true know it alls is they are harder to truly train because they are not in a position mentally to understand that there is the way they know how to do things and the way I may expect things. Also it is truly difficult to have a discussion or conversation with someone who doesn't wish to listen if it is not what they wish to hear *chuckles*I am active in my lifestyle, granted I am not skinny or football linebacker big, but I do get out and hike/camp/fish/swim and wish someone as active as I am.  I want someone who will take the initiative and notice something needs done and do it without being ordered/directed or required before hand to be of service to me.

Obesity - I have friends who suffer from obesity, I see no issues with it.  I have acquaintances who are obese because of what they eat, lack of effort, lack of exercise.  I have heard from one or two submissive "if my Dom wants me to be thin he will dictate how I will do things" My point is that your submission and body are a gift until you give it to someone you need to be taking care of it, so that when it comes be being given it shows you feel it is a gift just as much as the dominant receiving it should.

5. What are the differences between your needs and your wants and are you able to separate the two.

Unless you already have a list that you are able honestly use to filter out potential Dominants, or in a Dominants case submissive, you will be needy, desperate and/or blind to truly be happy with whomever you decide to offer your submission to.  Your wants and needs can be the same or different lists as long as they actually do the case of filtering out individuals to make them unique and worthy of your submission or domination.

Needs:

1. A woman who desires to serve

2. A woman without excessive baggage

3. A woman I feel attracted to

4. A submissive woman

5. A submissive that is willing/desiring to learn what I have to offer not what she perceives or has been taught by another.

6. A submissive able to take part in all parts of my life that I wish her to join me in.

Wants (wish list, something that may happen but is
not required if there is a real connection):

1. A woman who has a skill in art of some form

2. A woman with no baggage

3. A woman who has more then a high school education

4. A model (I am a amateur Photographer, I enjoy taking photo's and desire to learn about portrait shots, a model to me is someone who truly is photogenic, not someone who sees a camera and runs.)

5. An experienced slave

6. A woman who has attempted or succeeded in saving herself for the master she desires for life, not jumped from master to master because each was single.  (Not talking about virginity, talking about gift of service.

Respect

Once a submissive has an idea of whom they are and what they seek, my next part of what they need to learn is respect, not just showing respect but having respect. There is a difference.

Think of it like you where back in school, you had the teachers you liked and teachers you hated, however no matter which teacher you where addressing at any given time while talking to them you showed them respect.  It’s the same here in the BDSM Community. You as the one being involved or giving active participation has to show respect.  I am not discussing or saying you have to serve every tom with a swinging appendage or Jane with a stick up their baby maker.  I am talking about showing respect or walking away from any conversation you can not show respect in.

One of the conversations I had on Sunday was about a submissive conversation with another about after care and how the submissive had to walk away from the dominant because of what was being discussed.  I respected her in that one statement no matter what she felt about the conversation or discussion, she walked away from it before showing disrespect.  Showing respect is an intrical part of any aspect of life.  If your going to have a conversation show the respect of the person listening to you blow hot air and create words, the person reading your words as you take the time to write your thoughts, opinions, or feelings.  If you are on the receiving end of someone saying something do not take what they say from your point of view, show the respect of taking the time to listen to what they say and attempt to see it from there point of view, ask clarifying questions to understand more thoroughly what they have to say from where they are coming from.  It is alright to disagree but understand there is more then one side to any idea, concept or action.

Here is where I tend to butt heads with a lot of my fellow dominants about addressing others.  I was mentored, and trained in protocols, expectations, and addresses. From using the terms Sir, Ma'am, M'Lady. I think all submissives should know and understand there uses not just as a way to address others but understand why they are using the words.  No the word Sir is not connected to term Master, Owner, release of your identity, or the giving of your gift of submission.  And should be used until the person you are talking to does something that makes you loose full respect and in that case you need to walk away, leave the situation before you are forced to show disrespect.

I think anyone who says I am Dominant should be addressed in the beginning of a conversation as Sir, Ma'am.  I also think that you should indicate to the person you are talking with that you are done or that the conversation is over.  Its one of the reasons I use the term respectfully.  Anyone who knows me inside or outside of the lifestyle knows as soon as I say the word respectfully is used I am ending the conversation.

Some good areas of learning about respect is to check out books on proper etiquette for conversation.  Signs of respect in different cultures.

Training

Beyond the two areas I just discussed there is training a submissive can undertake gaining a mentor, self study, and talking.  A submissive in my eyes has the hardest job, they not only have to learn their own wants/needs/hopes also they have to learn their Dominants wants needs expectations.  I can not teach you what another dominant wants but I can help you grow in knowledge from what certain things feel like, what actions you can take to prepare you for your future Dominant, postures that may be pleasing, serving techniques that may assist in gaining the attention of another dominant.  I can teach you how to see more then just the one sidedness that most already have ingrained in them.  A submissive can learn protocols, safety, positions, toys, idealism and/or self growth.

These are just rambling thoughts from a simple man.

Respectfully,

Sir Ken II

I am 31, Dominant, I have no issue with age or distance, however some submissive/servants/property depending on their given path or desires do.

To be honest there must be physical attraction on both sides of any relationship. I will be honest I have met those that were beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside and vice versa. I look for a given mix of both aspects being beautiful mixed with a submissive desire.

If after looking at my profile you are still interested, I would like for you to come up with ten questions that are important to you of someone you may serve and then both ask and answer them from your point of view as a submissive.

I am tired of the games, I seek real life, not just submission, nor a partner but both.

Respectfuly,
Sir Ken II
P.S. if you are interested email me and ask where else I am a member of and where you can find a copy of discussions I have had with others in the lifestyle.

Names and Gifts:

I met with a woman last night who is interested in BDSM, she finds herself drawn to the submissive side of the line but still wants to test the waters of where she will fit in be it a Dominant or one who will always play both sides of the fence until she finds her home.

One of the many different topics we discussed was on Names/identities/and expectations of each, or positions in the lifestyle. Her general dislike of what she see's or experiences because of being a woman, with submissive drawing, and new to lifestyle. She discussed how she talked with Doms/Masters/Tops and the responses she received from them. Because of that discussion I figured I would post My own thoughts on the matter.

You look at Me and you see a man who uses Upper/lower case sporadically, considers himself a Dominant, not a Master/Dom/or Top. I look at you and I see what you present to the world you are a Dominant/submissive. Rather you are called a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress/Top/Bottom/submissive/slave/servant/property.
The name is unimportant it’s what you gift those who are around you with seeing. I say gift because each of U/us are unique and have unique ideas, concepts, thoughts, expectations, and desires.

Joe Blow says he's a Master and has these expectations of any submissive in his terms slave "they will be naked, wet, and prepared to give head or be fucked at any time" his gift is complete control. Some call it a Control Freak, others say Ass-whole, as others say abuser or fake. But his desire is a gift to the one that has the same desires on the opposite side of the fence. I respect him because he is upfront with what his expectations are to anyone who will listen.

joe smith says he considers himself a bottom; he is there for the pleasure as long as you can satisfy his need for pain, sex, or sensuality. He will do anything inside a scene with anyone. His gift is complete acceptance for pleasure. Some call him a slut, greedy, useless or a variety of other names. But to those who desire someone to play with he is the perfect partner. I respect him because he is honest with those that are around them.

I don't see how anyone can claim to give themselves a name, or name another, other then showing where they feel themselves to be Dominant- One who enjoys taking/receiving the power from another. Submissive - one who enjoys giving/loosing the power to another. I know everyone does it, each with there own definition of what there title means and the differences between them. But in all in truth until W/we as a society sit down and truly define one name, one definition and everyone agree to it. The only true definitions are Dominant, Submissive and where ever you find yourself to be any given time of the day within that bracket, and what they are gifting another with.

The words Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress/Top/Bottom/submissive/slave/servant/property are just another way for anyone to claim a title and make a stand. In that all it does is confuse anyone who comes into the scene for the first time. They see abuse, control, and expectations. What they do not get to see or understand is that all of it no matter where you stand on the fence is a gift, or it is true abuse.

The truth of who any one person is, is what they are gifting you at that moment in time. Not what that person calls themselves at any given time.

Simple words from a simple Man.
Respectfully;
Sir Ken II

Looking for workout partner in the springs.

I am currently looking for a workout partner in colorado springs, to start getting back into shape, priority on Stamina and weight loss, secondary on muscle and strength growth.

After attempting to complete a 14er and finding out how out of shape I am. I thought I would see if anyone else in the colorado springs area is working out at night, or looking for a partner to workout with. Currently a member of 24 hour fitness.

Respectfully,
Sir Ken II

Judgements

I have had several conversations recently where the one I am talking with is speaking negatively about another because of there choices or actions. To me I take it the same as if someone is bragging about themselves.
I can judge you the one I am talking to, I can tell you what I think of every decision that you ever make or made.

What’s the difference?

To me to insult, judge, ridicule another without them being able to defend themselves is like saying I am better then this person because I don't do this, I made a better decision here, I don' sleep with everyone like they do.

My life is an open book, I allow anyone to judge me, criticize my past. Not because I want everyone to know how much better I am, or what I have done and they haven’t but to see who I am and I how I became the person I am today. We all make life decisions good or bad. However; in that same regards I want it to my face, not behind my back. I respect the person willing to be honest with everyone not the person who hides it until they are alone.

True Life Example:
I know someone who knowingly slept with a girl who had herpes, merely for the sex. I will call the decision stupid, and in conversations between the two of us.  I have called him stupid. However, I won’t call him stupid speaking with another, I will make fun of the decision he made, I just wont judge him in the presence of another, its not for me to judge someone when they are not there to feel or see the judgment.

They have not submitted to me to accept both the judgment and the punishment. I have not lived in his shoes, I have not lived his life, and I don't have his medical background. I have my own. If I did something like that, I would be stupid. The only way to truly learn in this life is to experience something; good, bad, blissful or ugly. It is from these life experiences that we grow as a person and as a society.

Respectfully,
Sir Ken II

Planning to walk up one of the 14ers close to colorado Springs this weekend, anyone interested in joining? *walk will be on Sunday.*  So far have four of us kinksters going up once a 14er is decided on, anyone know of a good first 14er to start with?  Pikes Peak is one I would like to climb but understand it is an eight hour hike have done some reseach will be starting with  Quandary Peak - East Ridge

Respectfully,
Sir Ken II

For those of you wanting to get to know more about me, you can see my profile on the fetish version  of myspace sirinforcer, I post alot there in group discussions or conversations.

Respectfully,
Sir Ken II