I am changing, I can feel it. I dress differently. I act differently. Things that were important no longer are. Things that weren't important before are desperately important now. I am bratty. Flirtacious. I act slutty when I am not in actuality. I am bratty (I realize I already said that!) and can sometimes go to the extreme of becoming a Bitch. I take chances that I would never take before. Not really dangerous ones, small chances.

When people passed by my way before I would latch on to them, trying to keep them. Trying to make them like me. Trying to keep them in my life. I would obsess over situations. I now stand up for myself whether it be a vanilla situation or a lifestyle one.

I would suffer in the background, worrying about something that didn't affect me. I would want to be right in the middle of things but now I realize that if someone wants me to listen, they will come to me.

My mind is changing. My feelings are changing. My REAL relationships are changing, the ones with my Master & my children. All for the better. I am able to go from sitting around in my leopard underwear with my Master & friends to being NaNa with no problem at all. I am interchangeable now. I am calmer.I am pushier. I am more honest with myself, more honest with others.

I don't take crap off of people that I might have in the past. If you put me down expect me to rebel.

Laughing...I am Woman, hear me roarrrr!

I think, as I near 50 years, I am relaxing and therefore feeling better about myself. I will fight for me, but I will not hurt those under my feet as I sprint those last few months.

~~ seaside ~~

I am really beginning to wonder if in this day and age if people really know what Honesty really is.

People lie to their spouses by not telling them something. They sleep with their neighbour but feel that What they don't know won't hurt them.

People talk about things they are going to do that they have no intentions of following up on.

I hate dishonesty!! I lived with it constantly in the Vanilla world. Oh it wasn't just done to me, I did it too. I lived half my marriage being dishonest. That is why when Sailor took me as His I asked him to always be honest with me, even when it hurt worse then a punch in the side. And a couple of times it did.But in my mind, I can only hope that he has been Honest.

Would you consider being dishonest playing games with someone? Playing with their mind? Their heart? Dishonesty sucks.

Making a friend and losing him the same day with no explaination is dishonesty too. Friends should be honest with friends from the beginning.

I find it interesting the things I have learned since I put my profile on here. There are so many kinds of people that reply to you on here.

There is the *shock factor* type. They send you messages, very crude and to the point, I think they are expecting you to be taken aback by their approach. My reply? Shock them back twice as hard.

There are the *I'm not what you are looking for but I am so wonderful that I will definitely make you change your mind*. Those I generally make disappear with a simple click of my mouse, without answering.

There are the *I am a zillion miles from you but we can pretend*. I will answer them and chat, finding out about their lives.

The ones I hate the most though are the *I think I am what you want, lets talk over coffee and compare notes* ones. You meet, you click, you talk for almost a month and you both agree to be honest with each other with no strings attached...then *POOF!* they disappear without a word. Oh, you know they are still around as they leave traces of their existance.

If they were not willing to follow through, why did they contact me in the beginning? Why did they waste my time?