Thinking about other partnerships I would want in my life -

I like having a guy do things for me that I can't be bothered to do, like clean, open jars for me (I have a weak wrist), help me carry things, run errends for me. I like being taken care of, but not suffocated or possessed for one's selfishness. Daddy takes very good care of me, but he is NOT a submissive, and he can't be around/bothered enough to do the kinds of things I would want a submissive to.

The idea submissive for me would be a service-oriented one, that does not require sex or play as a reward, but that my happiness, and my happiness with him would be fulfilling enough. of course play probably would happen, but if one is simply content with the basics, then there are no expections or disappointments.

I require of a potential sub that he (or she that's on the table, too) does not come to me with expectations of sex or sexual favors. That he or she is genuinely doing what they love for others, which is to submit and serve, without using it as a way to manipulate to get their carnal needs met. It would also be wonderful if they were willing to be a practice bottom for Needles, impact play, and other kinds of play I intend to gain skill in.

The potential submissive must realize that I am difficult at times and need a little more care and attention than others might need. He or She must fully respect my relationship with Daddy and not intentionally interfere or try to get in the way of my plans with him. They would also need to be willing to work with him, in the event extra help is needed with something. I could see scenario where I may be in aftercare and the potential sub would need to get things ready and assist Daddy with me, if necessary.

Qualities I would admire most in a potential submissive, play partner, or other kind of relationship:
Patience
Honesty
Integrity
Genuine motives
Kindness, Selflessness
Intelligence, maturity, progression, willingness
A nurturing and encouraging nature

Returning, sort of.

I moved to Seattle not long ago, and I find my days going longer, not because of the change in weather and hours of daylight, but because I really don't have anyone aside from one that makes time for me.
All of my friends currently are Wet spot members and volunteers. I volunteer there at least once a week, but I'm starting to feel a little taxed out.
I want to do other things, to see other places. I want to find something else, or someone else, to focus on.

I never find what I'm searching for, because I'm never consistent in what I want.

I do the best I can, but for some, it's never enough.

Im starting to really dislike collarme. I find a lot of extreme profiles on there. Im finding a lot of "You must be this weight and this height" or "you should be in shape".

It really makes me feel downtrodden. I know I've got it, and I can flaunt it, but when a really hot switch or submisisve wants the 'perfect female body', it makes me feel ashamed, guilty and inadequate.

Then again, most of the people on collarme are very sexually orientated.

I also see a lot of profiles that are just... Wow.
For example, one man has no pictures of himself up, only funny pictures, and is wanting a girl to move in with him, to basically trade sex for being spoiled (sugar daddy/daughter) and that when he dies, will give her his estate, because he has no one else to give it to.
Another was talking about how he acquired three slaves.
Another person (a slave) was talking about how they have a mistress and has recorded her 'training sessions' in her journal. She states that she was sent to a 'farm' to know what it was like, so that she didn't disobey.

I find this sickening. People are willingly objectifying themselves (but who am I to judge) and giving people their lives, putting their fate in their masters' hands.

While reading some of these EXTREME profiles and journal entries, I can't help but wonder if its all fiction. What I see here on isn't that extreme.
I thought we abolished slavery when Lincoln was in office?
I can understand pretending to be one, but ACTUALLY being on? for SEX no doubt?
I mean, I know a dom/sub couple, and she is his 'sex slave' but thier interactions are nice, she's a wonderful lady as well. I dont see them having this extreme master/slave relationship that is portrayed on this other website in many profiles. She's his partner and soon to be wife. She isn't just his sex slave. she is treated with respect.

All these.. 'farms' and 'collecting' and 'training sessions' Even giving up your right to have decisions on how your body is modified!!

Some profiles state that slaves will have 'terms of service" for months or years or lifetime, and that they have no choices during that term.

I am sickened. As a top/dominant I respect my submissives. I push them and I order them, but I do not go beyond thier limits, I do not force anything upon them.
One 'slave' in her recordings stated that she didn't like water sports, but that her mistress and other slaves forced her and 'trained her' to imbibe thier fluids.

How can people be so cruel to others and use this lifestyle for thier own gains and twisted needs that put people at real risk? How can you tell a 'slave' to only speak in third person?! How can you subject 'slaves' to bestiality?!

Am I wrong to think that 'true slavery' in this lifestyle is WRONG?! Am I too 'vanilla' for this? Do I have my thoughts and opinions all messed up? Am I cut out for this? Should I walk away form this now? I've met some great people doing this, and I am respected and I can be myself, and open and free. But these EXTREMES cause me to doubt myself, and makes me less trusting, and I already have trust issues with other dominants/masters.

Am I wrong? Do I have a place here? Where do I stand? Am I too compassionate and caring? I am unable to treat people as animals. I am unwilling to do some things. If people NEED to be treated so badly... then do I have any right to interact with them if I am going to just disappoint? Am I even appreciated?

There is no doubt regarding my intelligence or my willingness to learn and grow, my profound understanding of human beings and interaction. There is no doubt in my mind as to why or how I am suddenly becoming reserved, scared, hesitant.

I have now dominated three males since I have made the active decision to step further into these waters. I have no doubt enjoyed myself striking the switches that have allowed me the opportunity to practice.

It's incredibly intoxicating, I have a lot to learn, new things to expose myself to, new techniques, new items to learn the proper use of, in some ways I get to my observational skills to work, my knowledge of anatomy is showing, and I get to exercise thoughts and feelings I have always had.

My friend says I'll have people approach me, that I'll make a lot of new friends and potential play partners. All three I have struck said I did very well, one of them said I even have talent. Occasionally I run into people who are very eager and hopeful (almost begging) for me to dominate them, or hurt them.

I have been very busy the past few weeks. I've gotten fairly involved, pretty quickly. Of course I've gone at my own pace, I have made my own judgments and my own observations. I have been open and honest.
I have always had the reservation about sex. I really have no desire to sleep with any potential submissives, or any other dominants. I have no desire to have my affections and attention be reciprocated.
I have no desire for anything beyond being served, topping others, or friendship. I have a strong sense of loyalty, and I cannot easily separate myself from others. I can not easily reject those I have come to like or share experiences with.

Which leaves me to one of my new reservations about this lifestyle. Rejection. Rejection from those who somehow feel guilty or wrong about experiencing me. Rejection from those who fail to have confidence, or who cannot take my intentions at face value.

I've also had this other reservation, hesitancy since I first started making myself known. I rarely participate in discussions or groups on here. Everyone seems to know everyone already. Things are well established with individuals. Its hard for me to get involved in things that have already taken off, that are already well established, where people know each other, are involved with one another. Will there be room for me? I anticipate drama, rejection, and disdain for my presence. I anticipate not ever making meaningful connections last long. I worry that because I have no desire to have sex with people I meet. I may never have sexual contact with anyone I interact with. But many have already expressed the desire to have me. I feel that sex is something that is expected in this lifestyle, and I feel because Im not so willing to be open sexually to someone, or anyone, that I will not be valued.
I also worry that I will be viewed as a threat to some, especially if I have unknowingly played with a bottom of someone else's. I find myself intimidated and worried about my interactions concerning other dominates.

As I write this, i've actually been crying. I dont know why Im suddenly having doubts or anxiety, but I worry that I may never make a strong foothold in this, I will never be acknowledged for anything but my looks, and the desires others have of me, that I wont fulfill because they aren't shared.

The concept of integrating sex into what I do frightens me considerably. I dont ever want to be used for sex again, or have it be the focus of someones interactions with me. I am not a cheap whore, so why do I feel like one sometimes?

I spent the past 4 weeks feeling powerful, confident, exerting my dominance, and now today, I find myself frightened and withdrawing from you all. I find myself feeling vulnerable. I feel like I've done something wrong, Im alienated by my own anxiety, and it came on so suddenly... I dont understand.

This might just blow up in my face, and I may never find my niche in this. Just like everything else i've done or gotten involved with has been abandoned by me for the same reasons... In the end I may just be meaningless.

As I've come into my own journey, walking down this path, where there are many, many new things to discover, I've been learning about myself, and learning about others.
There is so much to do here, and I hope I have the time to do so, we'll see where the path leads me, if there are any forks in the road, I'll take whichever one that fits my fancy at the time.

Switch-Dom
A term I came up with, I'll define it here:
I have been thinking about the concept of being a 'switch-dom' for some time. This definition describes me, and how i relate to such a term or 'label', if you wish to use it to find something to identify with, go ahead.
For me, being a switch dom is divided into a couple of categories that apply to me, that make up a 'switch-dom'.

Submission
I wear collars, I like my neck in bondage, I like light bondage, I like to sit and look pretty. Eventually I will want to wear a posture collar. I'm happy to sit or kneel when receiving attention. I am not so much of a masochist as I am a sadist however

Dominance
I do what I want, when I want. if I feel like being submissive, I will, if I feel like beating you with a riding crop, I will, if asked nicely. If someone wants to dominate me, they have to say please for every order, and even then I may refuse. I am independant and never in complete servitude to someone. I am powerful and intelligent. Even if I play a submissive role, I may not play the role entirely, and I may not be the kind of submissive the other dominant is seeking. I will not do anything because you want me to. Unless what you want is what I also want. I expect respect and to be spoiled by my submissives, and by dominants that I happen to submit for. I am more of a sadist
I prefer hitting people with things and teasing them. I prefer denying people, and power struggling.

Sadism
Let's face it, I'm a fiery redhead, that has no qualms about beating a male into submission, if that's what he fancies.
Not only physical sadism, but mental sadism. If my submissive is begging to 'fuck' me, or wants me to do something to him sexually, I will deny, deny, deny. Everything is on my terms and at my own pace. I am in control, and that control may be at your expense.

Masochism
Part of me does like a little thrilling pain and danger.
My interest in needleplay is growing, not only would i like to experience it at least once, I would want to practice it on others. I enjoy tattoos and have several piercings. I like my hair pulled to a certain extent. I like being bit and lightly choked. I may request such things from others.

Unpredictability
I am unpredictable. I may decide I want to top, I may decide to go ahead and let you do something that I was wary of doing the more I get to know you. Some days may e all I will want to do is beat people. Other times, maybe all I want is attention and being nibbled on.

Exhibitionism
I am an exhibitionist, and have been most of my life, I think. I liked to be looked at. You are privileged if you get to touch me. Asking to touch me will get you further than simply trying, unless I know you, or have already stated that you can whenever you'd like.
Exhibitionism on my part will rarely lead to actual sex. I am at a stage in my life where giving myself to the throws of sexual passion is not something I can just simply do.I would have to be exceptionally enticed for that to happen.

Mindset
I do what I want, when I want. I do things because I want to, not because you want me to. I follow rules and respect limits. I am in control, I am powerful. I am in control of my actions and I will deal with my consequences. I will be communicative and understanding, open-minded and accepting. I am confident, I am attractive. I am female, and that makes me and other females sacred. I am both delicate and durable.

This is what a Switch-dom is, to me, and this is what I am.