What You Can Expect From Me When I Bottom!

I've had a writing about Expectations When I Top for ages; figured I should make a sibling-post.

This is going to be part of my negotiation process from now on.

This was much harder for me to write than the other; I always feel like I'm asking too much when I'm on the bottom... Which is stupid because I'd be pissed if a bottom of mine didn't hold me to these standards.

• Expect honest (often blunt) questions and negotiation. I am not passive when it comes to my safety or my pleasure.

• Expect that if I'm playing with you, it's because I want to be there. I've definitely backed-out of play negotiations before if things have squicked me, chemistry died, or something threw a red flag.

• Expect that play with me is going to be under the supervision of either my Owner. It will most likely be in either my home, or at a public event.

• Expect my to enforce my soft/hard limits and boundaries.

• Expect me not to remember safewords. I usually say "No", but have occasionally yelled out "Stop!", "Uncle!", "Red!", "Taxi!", "Police!" or "Mercy!"... It's a thing... I'll call something, but it might not be what we arranged.

• Expect me to say no to a scene based around sex, whether it be oral, anal, vaginal, or you manipulating my anus/vagina with your fingers/toys, (this includes testing for wetness)... Or wanking onto me. :/

• Expect a bigger conversation if you want a scene where I'm expected to submit, (not just bottom); submission from the right side of the slash is not usually my thing, but it's a good time on occasion.

• Expect me to respect the other relationships and commitments in which you're involved.

• Expect me to respect your limits and safewords.

• Expect me to say no to a punishment scene, they make me feel like you don't actually like me very much.

• Expect me to react both audibly and visually, quickly. This goes double if there's boots, rope, hands on throat, or scratching involved. I shiver, shudder, vibrate, shake, arch my back, point my toes, wriggle, pant, moan, whimper, swear, laugh and cry at various times.

• Expect me to do my very best to obey, unless we've agreed to do resistance or switching.

Things I expect from you when I bottom:

• I expect that if we haven't discussed an activity, you won't do it just because it's not on my Limits list.

• I expect you to ask ME to play, not asking Racer if you can play with me. I'm quite capable of finding out his thoughts before I agree to anything.

• I expect you not to grab at my collar without having discussed it with Racer and I first. Seriously, that will put a hitch in my giddy-up. Putting ANOTHER collar on me is also a no-go without discussion.

• I expect you to respect my other relationships/commitments.

• I expect you to be either experienced at the activity you're asking to do to me/with me, or to be informed of the risks/technique involved with the activity you're asking me to be your guinea-pig for, and I expect you to be upfront about it either way.

• I expect that if you're going to be anywhere near me, you'll have great hygiene.

• I expect you to ask me lots of good questions during negotiations.

• I expect you to check in with me during the scene to see if I'm ok.

• I expect you to call our scene if either you, I, or both of us appear to be in over our heads. If you're not having a good time? Please communicate this ASAP so we can either renegotiate, or at least break the scene on good terms.

• I expect you to let me know what you need for aftercare (if you do, that is). I'm happy to have this discussion!

• I expect that unless we've negotiated an on-going thing, you won't try and top me forever after without negotiating again each time.

My Needs During A Scene I'm Bottoming In:

• I need to be sure that you'll still want to speak with me after we're done our scene.

• I need aftercare, I'm usually one of those "get stupid and giggle" or "floaty and dazed" people, but sometimes I cry and need hugs. I really appreciate people checking in with me a couple times over the next 2 days, as I frequently get subdrop pretty hard around that time.

• I need feedback like encouragement, reassuring touch, praise... Telling me I'm good, brave, obedient, (if it's true, hopefully it will be). Telling me you find me attractive if you do is always appreciated.

• I need to know your aim for our scene. Sure, you want to tie me up, but WHY? What kind of feeling/energy are you looking to experience?

• I need to know that you're not disappointed in me, that you don't hate me, that you respect and care for me. I need reassurance that you aren't hitting me in anger or trying to punish me.

• I need to believe that you want to play with ME, that you're not just tying/hitting/ordering around whoever would say yes.

I feel the need to tie people up.

I had a conversation with a potential bottom this week which, while not working out, did lead me to create this list (so I'm seeing it as a positive experience).

Clearly, some of these are dead-nuts obvious... However, they're things I get a lot of surprised reactions to from new submissives.

What you can expect from Dolly as a top

• Expect honest (often blunt) feedback.
• Expect me to treat you like a human, unless you want to be degraded and humiliated (and then, that will only occur while playing). 
• What I enjoy getting out of a scene is a reaction from my bottom to pain and fear; I get off on watching someone suffer for me; this is what I mean when I say that I am a Sadist. However, there will also be gentle touches, compliments for doing well, and a mindful eye to you physical, emotional, and psychological safety. 
• I respect limits; you will have a safe word for me to give you a break, or to slow down, or to completely halt the scene. 
• Expect aftercare, unless you negotiate not to receive any. 
• I will not ever ask for Tribute in monetary or gift form after a scene unless we have pre-negotiated that our play will be a Professional session.
• I will host for each play session as my toys and equipment are here.  
• My Owner will be home for each play session; he may choose to watch; he will not be participating.
• I will most likely not be wearing towering heels, and will not always be corseted. It's actually quite hard to move around in them, and I would like to not break an ankle or pass out while you're tied up. 

What I expect of my bottoms

• I expect you to keep an up-to-date Soft Limits and Hard Limits list with you, and keep me informed of any issues that might hinder play (medical issues, emotional triggers, aches and pains; that sort of thing).
• I expect that if you want a special toy for a scene, you will buy it yourself, and it will be yours; you'll keep it in your own toy bag. This includes things like insertables and gags.
• I expect you to respect my limits and safewords, because I have them too.
• I expect you to have great hygiene if I'm going to be anywhere near your body.
• I expect you to understand that there will be no "working up to a collar" as I am only looking for a casual play partner.You may wear a collar during play only if you like, but that is only to put you in scene headspace.
• I expect you to understand that there will be no sex between us, and that I may not even allow you release through out a scene.
• I expect that if you're a new player, you will allow me to provide aftercare.
• I expect that if you're an experienced player, you will know your own aftercare needs, and be able to tell me what is needed; if you require no aftercare (or can provide your own aftercare) then let me know that also during negotiation.

Ye gods.

Messages you shouldn't send me:

• Your porn.
• Anything to do with your requests to hear about our sex life.
• Dominants trying to top Racer.
• Propositions for sex. I distinguish purely fetishistic and SM play from sex. I will do BDSM casually, not sexual play (which includes strap-on play, Queening, cock worship and rimming, as well as penetrative sex in any orifice).

• You telling me what Racer or I should be doing to Bronagh, or what Racer should be doing to me.
• Presumptuous statements about what I would or should do to you.

Racer's Limits

Hard Limits

• Anyone under 18
• Vomit / Scat / Farting fetishes
  
• Having my feet tickled
• Receiving diapers (I'll give it as part of humiliation play/punishments)
• Bottoming to anyone but Dolly or LadyLunah (without specific negotiation and agreement)
• Permanent, intentional marks
• Playing with edible sugar-based stuff like chocolate paint (loathe the taste/sensation)
• Bottoming for watersports

Soft Limits

• Smokers - Turn off; however, for a non-sexual play partner? I can deal with it, but I openly show distaste for it.
  

Neutral

I have no interest, but will do it if it's desired by my partner:

• Receiving Needles (absolutely not on my genitals or feet)

Edited: April 7,  2011

Dolly's Limits

Last updated:March 31, 2011

Racer's Privilege Only

• Having ice cubes used on me, I fucking HATE the cold.
• Calling me a "whore" or otherwise implying that I would sell myself.
• Only one who gets to shove their flesh cock in me.
• Giving people the right to play with me.

Soft Limits

For the purposes of this list, these are the things that I'm only willing to let Racer26, or an expert that Racer26& I trust, (or someone I trust, under the eyes of an expert I trust) do to me.

• Body Modification (piercings, tattoos, branding)
• Needle play
• Artistic cuttings
• Fire play
• Wax play (receiving)
• Knife play
• Whipping (I can deal with soft to quite hard so far)
• Caning (receiving)
• Tight rope bondage
• Receiving Breath Play (including gags I can't breath through)
• Choking
• Hypnosis
• Cattle prod (It doesn't hurt badly, but it's fucking terrifying and I hate that noise).
• Watersports (but not drinking piss)

Hard Limits

Just no

• Drinking Piss
• Knock-outs
• Needle play on my feet, nipples, or genitals
• Being used as an ash tray, or to stub out cigarettes
• Receiving Belt Spanking (slappers are fine, belts are not) - emotional trigger
• Insects
• Gor (for play, not Gorean people)
• Fish hooks
• Flesh hooks
• Nails (as in hammer and nails)
• Leeches (wtf, NO)
• Crucifixion
• Abandonment scenes
• Shaving my head (been there, no one wants to see that)
• Wearing a chastity device/ Imposed chastity for more than 3 days
• Water boarding
• Being a pig/cow
• Tit-milking/Lactation
• Being loaned out
• Being given away
• Gun play
• Clowns
• Chili Peppers, Spice oils, Icy Hot, (and/or other items of the same nature) being used on my genitals, nipples, or as any kind of a torture/punishment/play implement.
• Being inside a metal dog cage connected to a violet wand (been, done, burned the tshirt)
• Relationships with people who are currently dating/partnered/married/owning/owned by someone else who isn't aware of me and ok with our relationship.
• Having sex in public (the definition of public for me, is any kind of audience that includes people who are not part of the play).
• Post-hypnotic suggestions for amnesia

Obvious Hard Limits

Stuff I shouldn't have to list, but will anyways:

• Anyone under 18
• Bestiality / Tentacles
• Necrophilia
• Car crashes
• Amputations
• Gynophagia
• Most Body Function (scat vomit farting menstrual-blood)
• Prostitution (RP doesn't count)
• Arson
• Snuff
• Recruiting/Procuring other submissives for a Dom/me
• Cocktails

Health Stuff

• Allergies: ASA (Aspirin), tobacco, codeine, pollen (Roses, Golden Rod), cats, rodents, mold and some scents... So rose petals on the bed, or a smoking fetish are both out.
• Panic Attacks (common trigger: being stressed without support)
• Bipolar II (Rapid-Cycling)
• Depression
• ADHD

Most Importantly:

• No playing with the stupid or malevolent - Quoting gothicfeline
  

I do actually try and work on my issues/neuroses.

Former hard limits:

• Breath Play
• Hands on my throat
• Calling anyone Daddy/Mommy who isn't directly responsible for my existence on this planet.
• Violet Wands
• TENS
• Hypnosis
• Cattle prods
• Pregnancy
• Watersports
• Puppy and Pony play
• Being called a "whore"
• Being fisted
• AB/DL