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Switch Couple, 27, arkadelphia, Arkansas
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Male Dominant, 26, Bay Minette, Alabama
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About Zenar
Just me, I am pretty much a quiet laid back person that likes to kid and joke around. At the same time I can have a very serious attitude. I enjoy very simple things in life as I find that it tends to just make life easier. I’m more a daytime person just because the things I really enjoy doing are more available during the day. Going to the park, going to the beach, going to the lake, getting sun and being in the outdoors. I might go to a bar or pub if I have friends with me, but that is not really my thing unless we go out shooting pool or do the karaoke thing.
On the kink side, I some times enjoy going to a munch. It is enjoyable to be around like minded people and get to hear the topics discussed. However I am not much for going to a play party except to socialize. If I do go you would find me on the back porch with my guitar just having some fun. I’m rather too much a private person to consider playing in public.
In private, well I’ll say that if you don’t like you hair pulled then you’re looking at the wrong person. I like the up close and personal feeling of being with just the right one for me. A paradox, I am the soft kind loving romantic sadist. I will leave the rest to your imagination.
I’m single and on the prowl hoping to find one special girl for myself. It’s tough some times as life keeps me busy and I currently work at home so I don’t get to meet many people. I prefer a younger girl but more mature in wisdom, perhaps there is a thing as too young.
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What defines dominance to me? Or better yet what defines myself as a dominant? It does not mean that I am stronger, faster, sexier, smarter, or any slew of egos comparing myself to others. Perhaps some might see me as a few of those things, but it does not revolve around me being better. Perhaps it has a little to do with trying to better myself but that can hold true for anyone. I have certain kinks and perversions that in the BDSM world is typically characteristic of a dominant, but those characteristics them self do not define dominance either. Actually I am not even outgoing, rather introverted, I avoid confrontation when ever possible, does not take leadership unless thrust into the position, why then would I be considered a dominant or have others consider myself as a dominant? And yet I some how still identify with being dominant, as well as having many others recognize me as having a dominant persona even if they are not even familiar with the BDSM world. Actually I have been thinking back on some events before writing this so I think as I write this I am still figuring out what the answer is to this riddle.
Ironically my very first public exposure to this was in public school, middle school to be exact. It was in a social studies class and we were covering anthropology and the teacher had singled me out as the most dominant personality in the class as an example of what we were studying. Of course many of the other guys that were also dominant and obvious leaders, where as I was a bit of an outcast and a quiet loner. They were trying to tout them self as being the most dominant. Still though the teacher insisted that based upon studies she had been reading I would be considered the most dominant, mostly due to the fact that I did not need to be reaffirmed by my peers and yet many of my peers came to me for affirmation. While others were also quite dominant and more natural leaders, they needed the affirmation to make them self feel more powerful.
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Actually I had several experiences at an early age, as the next one was not even a year later. My mother was publicly Baptist and a closet spiritualist, not pagan but more into eastern philosophy. One group she attended was holding a world wide campout in Idaho, which in itself was really cool. I knew quiet a few people and what was really cool to me was that those that knew me were quite older but knew I was pretty smart and would not talk down to me as if a child. I could carry long conversations on many topics and had a great time being accepted as a miniature adult. As well there were people there from all over the world there and got exposed to many different cultures. Oddly enough I met a woman there that called herself a slave. When she realized that I was listening she of course went silent but there were those that knew me and told her so long as she kept to the philosophy of it that it would be ok to talk to me about it. I was rather young and was neither receptive nor rejecting it, but rather just found it to be some thing interesting to study while talking with her. For this objectivity, she said that I was going to grow up to be a very dominant master one day.
Again about a year after that I had yet another run in with this lifestyle. A friend of mines mother was divorced, and it somehow got slipped out that she was attending a BDSM group. Not much was said either way of it. I was protecting my friend and his brothers. Whether or not she did attend such a thing should not be a matter of respect for he children and I made this rather public. One day I went to visit and he was not home but his mom was. It was not an odd thing that I would often would stay a while and chat with his mom if he was not around. This time though she got a very mischievous look on her face claiming she was curious about some thing. And so she sashayed in a very sexy little wiggle and came up to me much closer than ever before looking up into my eyes with a delicate sparkle to them. I don?t know what came over me as I must have had the most commanding voice I ever had in my life and said, ?I really don?t thing you should be doing that to your sons friend unless you want some thing started that should not be.? Her reply was ?The difference here is that I know what I am doing and know what each one of us are. You do not yet know enough to really do anything about it.? And with a giggle she sashayed back across the room telling me I can leave now. It was the funniest thing that I felt a wave of anger over the fact that she, who was obviously submissive had just dismissed me! It just made her laugh more as she came back, grabbed my arm and shoved me out the door. Nothing ever happened again and life went back to normal when I went there to visit. Regardless, even though she was rather young for a mom, very sexy, and submissive to boot, it was a sense that I felt very protective of her and my friends.
Another incident that comes to mind is more recent when I had broken up with a submissive. While that actual event is a personal thing between us even if we are no longer together, nor even on a friendly basis, at the same moment something else had happened. Our breakup ended up being at a public event and was witnessed by many, too many I guess. I had pulled her hair pulling her out of another mans lap. Not out of anger nor frustration but just being commanding. By that time she was used to it and did not complain or argue about it, but we were angry with one another anyways. As I was trying to leave another girl was watching, a total stringer. In my head I was dead set on just leaving, saving face. I hear from the crowd, ?Now THAT did NOT just happen!? Next thing I know I have a beautiful creature in pubic, on her knees, holding out her hair begging me to please pull her hair as she buried her face into my crotch. Now any other time, hell yes! I don?t deserve such an adorable girl as what I had at me feet begging, pleading with me to take her. However at this point in time, I was angry at someone, hurt, frustrated just to name a few emotions going through my mind. The only reason I denied her was a sense of self worth. For me to be angry with someone and take the very next girl on the rebound while still in anger would be self degrading. So I ended up brushing past her and totally ignored her as she fell into a ball on the floor.
Affirmation, objectivity, protectiveness, self worth, are these what define me as a dominant? Or are these just aspects of me being dominant? I am still not certain that I can define myself as a dominant. I only know that I am one.
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I practice Reiki, some have gone to call me a Reiki Master.
I don?t know, it is not some thing I have studied but rather just some thing I
do. In my youth I had a back injury and was shown what was simply called acupressure,
similar to acupuncture it just did not use needles. Just a very basic
introduction to it is all. Over the years through just using this practice with
massage I learned more secrets here and there through experimenting. Eventually
it was much later shown to me that there was such a thing as Reiki, and that is
what I was practicing. I might have well been reinventing the wheel, had no
idea there was a specific art form for it. I have read a little on it since,
some of it makes sense, some does not. Perhaps in time I will study it more and
compare what is the standard art form for what I know, see what is similar and
what is different. I was warned however I should study more on what not to do.
While I have focused on area using the utmost care in being gentle and having
good results in doing so, some say some of those areas should be avoided all
together for safety concern. Though I think it tends to be that it is the one
thing that heaver people have advantage of in that they are not very susceptible
to damaging these areas as easily as skinny people. Its kind of one of those
funny things about Reiki, it has more effect on those that are already healthy.
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I am a people watcher, so a lot of the time I just enjoy reading the profiles and journals. A lot of the time I step out of myself perspective, not really reading to see if it is some thing I would want for myself, but just read to see how different people take different perspectives. While I have not taken it as a serious study, I have dabbled in psychology and just enjoy seeing what makes different people tick. Now granted I am a dominant male so obviously I am going to want to read mostly of the submissive females but when you really read into it, the term submissive female becomes such a broad term that can mean so many different things.
I have heard it discussed in so many places, munches, chat rooms, what have you. When we first discover this thing we call BDSM we have the preconceived stereotypes of dominant and submissive, or even switches and there is obviously some thing wrong with us so we don?t admit to what we are. The usual stereotypes of all dominants are sadists and all submissives are masochists and there really is not much more to it than that. Now granted we can say the majority of sadists are dominant, but that does not mean there cannot be a masochist dominant or sadistic submissive, to which I have seen such combinations.
While on the outside vanilla world they see this as people dressed up in leather with whips, flogs and chains, set aside all the theatrical trappings to many of us it really becomes a path of self discovery. What set us aside in our childhood, our DNS, or even our spiritual makeup to become kinky, dominant, submissive, masochist, sadistic? Is there some thing really wrong with us? Or is it there is some thing wrong with our society? In many cultures around the world if they really look at some of the things in the BDSM culture, many of the things they would find to be normal.
Then again there are so many different things to this beyond the basics, it pans out into so many different dimensions. What kind of dominant are you? You may be a bedroom dominant, a natural dominant, and alpha dominant, a mental dominant, a daddy, a master, so many others they become uncountable. The same with submissives, and then what kind of person do you really become attracted to. Then it becomes a tangled wed of what kind of relation do you have once you are with someone. Is it temporary, permanent, is it a relation where kink is an aspect of it or is BDSM the foundation of the relation?
Now one thing that got me writing on this was reading one journal and while I scratch many different surfaces that should really encompass a book, it is funny how one single act can be interpreted in so many different ways. Take one simple act, be it bondage, spanking, pulling hair, it does not matter what the act is itself but what are the hidden meaning behind it. What one simple act say about a person? From the outside vanilla world, it is a single act which is erotic and may or may not be disturbing. Did it occur because the dominant is acting upon a fantasy to do such a thing? Did the submissive lure the dominant into doing it for their own fantasy? Was it for pleasure or was it done as punishment? Or even then did it fall some where else such as just the raw feeling of power over someone. Why did they enjoy it? Was it sexual, sensual, painful, humiliating, degrading? Of those feelings, did they enjoy it for the raw feeling it self or did one feeling then cascade into fulfillment of some thing more profound? You might note I did not exclude dominants or submissives in this as it is an act between two. It may have even an act between two dominants or submissives.
All I can say is that some times I get to enjoy my own time with someone, and some times when I am stuck on the sidelines I get to see how people react in their own situations. Keep on writing, some of us enjoy not only the fantasies, but just to see how people tick.
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Life gets in the way sometimes. I was trying to find someone
for myself before but found I was just buried under too much work to really
consider finding someone new to get to know and possibly bring into my life. It
is lonely sometimes and of course someone soft and warm is really something to
enjoy and cherish. However I had too much work going on, too much personal
drama to deal with so I went away for a while to get things sorted out. Last
thing I want to happen is to meet someone extra special and have them think I
have to be the drama king of all time. I am at the end of a very long tunnel
and soon to be clear of many issues I can finally put behind me. Very soon I
will be free of it all and get reclaim my life.
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Male Dominant, 59, C Rapids, Chicago, Iowa
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Female Submissive, 35
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