Zeigus

Sensuality, control, respect, devotion, adoration and above all consensuality. These are all key aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. Whether it is an integral part of your life, day in and day out, or something to be experienced merely behind closed doors in chains and leather there is something primal and inexhaustibly exotic about the culture. What compels a man or woman to place that utmost trust, indeed his or her very self in the arms and control of another man or woman? What compels that self same man or woman to seize the control so readily offered, turning the submissive party on his or her head with raptures untold, sweet bliss undreamt of?

Primal urges stoke the fires that drive BDSM, but so many misquote its dark, beautiful poetry, twisting it into something hideous and profane. Whether it is at the very core of you, or merely something you dabble in, dedication is paramount. To what? The pleasures of the flesh are above all else, one of the greatest things we have going for us as humans. BDSM is just another aspect of that. But it isn't about willfully stripping someone of control and choice. The submissive must 'give' you that opportunity. He or she must say, "I entrust myself to you, heart, body and mind." We're being allegorical, but without wholly mutual consent on the part of all parties, any acts you engage in are tarnished and lacking in their enjoyment. Posers, or people who pretend to understand the concepts and facets of BDSM are everywhere. Insincerity and dishonesty runs rampant, and they steam ahead, seeking the next thrill (either given or received) with nary a concern for how true adherents live their lives. Not only must you trust your partner, and he or she must, in turn, trust you, but you must love and cherish him or her as well.

You must be able and willing to go from eliciting tears of rapturous joy (as the dominant party) to nurturing and showing your own submissive side. Your partner must know that you are his or hers in all things. When the euphoria has faded, you must be supportive and understanding. There is a clear distinction between the reality of the waking life and the fantasy of your sex life. Never ask your partner to place you before what he or she holds most important. In the ideal relationship, you are right there with those other things, as beloved and respected as you love and respect them. Be willing to adapt, to teach and to learn. You can be firm and instructive without being a bully or a tyrant. Together, a devoted D/s pairing can achieve new heights of pleasure by subtly pushing the envelope every time the metaphorical blindfold falls into place. By nudging those boundaries ever so gently, you can bring your partner and yourself to new delights every single time. Never make undue demands (or indeed demands at all). Your partner will do what they do in order to please you, not because they will be punished if they do not.

Give the utmost respect to what you do, treat it and your partner with the care they deserve, and you'll never want for anything else.