YouShallReceive

Is there a rule somewhere that says, "if I'm on CM and I'm a skinny dude, I should take a pic of myself in the bathroom mirror with my shirt off and in my underwear?" Who wants to see your whitey tights!?

A true battle of the will... Now that makes me tingle... more so than kneeling.

:)

What a fantastic morning!

I was reminded this morning by my husband who is also my Master and the first person to successfully hypnotize me, that no matter what I may "think" I find on here to keep myself entertained...

that no one can do to me what he does to me.

That no one on here can...

...drop me into trance with nothing more than a few caresses of my face, or tugging of my hair with his grip.

...make me crave my submission so badly that it brings me to tears, literally.

...make me understand what I feel with him, and more importantly how I would feel without him or his touch (both mentally and physically).

and finally...

...remind me that though I may find interesting, entertaining, and some enticing people on here... no one can control my thoughts, actions, behaviors, and feelings more thoroughly and completely than he can.

What a fantastic morning!

Whereas it's not my thing...

I met the nicest Domme tonight and really had some decent conversation for once.

Odd for me since I'm not really into girls, but kind of cool that I felt the need / urge to chat with her.  Plus she was pretty...

Seriously....

I want you to punish me for even thinking about masturbating without your permission....!!!

I want you to punish me because I even considered being hypnotized by someone else.

Oh and I told you if I wanted you to stop.... you'd stop! :)

Sometimes it's great being the RL bratty little bitch slave!

I told you I'd write about you!

:)

I've decided that most dominants on here cannot read and this is why they need subs or slaves... to read for them.

WHERE on my profile does it say I want a poly relationship, to move in with you, relocate, or even meet you in person for a TPE evening?  Wait for it.....

It doesn't!

Most of you have moved from "creepy crawly" to "dumb ass" status. 

Dumb Asses need not apply.

First, Wolverine is an enjoyable movie

Second, I got 6 huge smurfs from the movie theater tonight!!!! SCORE!!!

Third, I was really happy with my conversations with MY puppet master tonight. I am capable of being a good puppet... apparently :)

Glad he's back in town, finally my boredom will go back into remission.

There is life out there!  Another interesting person... We'll see what he brings me...

Sometimes I wonder about the pictures that men specifically choose to put on their profiles on CM.  I mean, at least try to clean yourself up, sit up straight.  I'm not attracted to your double chin, nor the fact that you are obviously letting yourself go.

I'm not saying everyone on here needs to be massively attractive, or fit, I'm just saying have some pride in yourself and at least try to look presentable.

What a perfectly good waste of an evening when one falls asleep too early!

...annoyed...

must find something else to do... or another form of entertainment.  Like matchsticks under toenails or something... not mine ;)

...not your puppet yet... still just a doll.  You can play with me, but I'm still free of strings. :)  Though it's quite enjoyable being played with! 

Oh the tasks... How can something so simple excite me and scare me so much all at the same time. 

Exploiting my fears much... you'd have to keep me gagged and restrained... I'm quite sure I'd lose my mind for a little while.  Makes me want to slap you thinking about it.  Now that would be interesting...

What would you do to a doll that managed that action?

The interesting picked up.  Lot's of grins tonight.  This one's not such a creepy nor all that crawly.... but extremely edgy.  He's kept my attention and made me feel emotions on several ends of the spectrum.... annoyed, embarrassed, caught, and entertained, oh and did i mention obedient... for now... *grin*  I'll start calling him.....The PuppetMaster.

And so busy life begins to take over, limiting my time with my creepy crawlies. Unfortunately the few I've responded to are boring to the core. The One that I want is still interesting, but I'm not sure of the duration of my interest... Maybe the interesting will pick up.

it was a more fun night than i anticipated.

Duck Dynasty is sooo funny!

Bored, bored, bored,

I found someone interesting to talk to tonight.  I smiled twice, blushed a few times, and felt annoyed when i got too tired to continue.

So far and few between!

night.

Creepy Crawlies...

It's been awhile.  I find that my previous opinions still prevail.

Night.

someone broken into my car and stole my i pod touch!  That really pisses me off.

FYI

all i have is "i'm tired"

Will the ignorance never end?  I think i'm going to say it.

If you have not graduated..... ANYTHING don't Message me.  I can not stand stupid people!!!

Also, a few creepies right now are sort of fun.  Enjoying the time with them before they run away too.

night creepy crawlies.  Started using my cam on Yahoo. I enjoy the conversation factor of that.

:)

If I were  care bear,

Today I would be Grumpy Bear.

Man, I really do enjoy giving a "dom" my opinion on what they have to say... and then have them come back and "justify" or "defend" or be all "sensitive" to what I said.  Oh i"m sorry did i hurt your feelings by speaking my mind?  Pretty sure I told you I would do that.

It's like I still have not found the person who really makes me 'want' to submit.  Geeze most are weak, or dumb, or ignorant (look it up), or just really insecure people.  I find it hard to believe that someone insecure would make a very effective master.

I guess my problem is i'm more secure, and more outgoing and blunt than most would prefer.  Such is the life of me.

Night creepy crawlies,

I find it amazing that people can message me, tell me how I'm not for them, and then keep messaging me.  Fuck! move on douche bags...  I"m not for 'everyone' and honest to goodness, I DON"T CARE if I'm not what you want.  Don't email me to tell me that.

Also, very sure I got called fat tonight.  FYI, I'm not fat.  I used to be fat, but I'm not anymore... I mean really?  If I'm fat, then that makes a lot of people on here whales, and I'm referring to men and women.

Also, I've decided i'm the white whale (the skinnier one).  I'm the "catch" and only a strong and determined one will get me, and well I'm sure it won't be willingly at first.

 It was a long day at work.  Though it was beautiful so i didn't mind waving at the parents coming through the drive this afternoon.

Night Creepy Crawlies :)

SO there is this douche bag who talked up how he was a "real" stalker, and he was going to find me, and what would I do when he really found me... blah blah..

long story short.

Stalkers can not cross these imaginary boundaries called state lines.  How about that, who knew!!!! :)

I'm safe forever!  As long as they never know my state, then they can never find me, and for that matter, they can't cross the state line :) Yay me!

Idiots!!!  Seriously I get a little bit of hope that not everyone out there is dumber than dirt, and then one crawls from under rock.

Take care creepy crawlies.

I was talking to someone tonight...

He said

"You like the chase. The buildup to the moment of capture is as if not more important then capture itself. You crave to be bested and throughly shown your place. Not belittled you expect a small measure of respect but you like knowing that your place is below that person who has caught you and now has you at his mercy."

I couldn't have said it any better.

I'm finding the longer I'm on CM, the more handsome or beautiful the people who message me.  That has to lead me to believe that a lot of the creepy crawlies are finally being weeded out, although I guess to be a great creepy crawly, the BEST way to make the prey feel comfortable is to be pleasing on the eyes.

I mean, I would tend to fall for and 'trust' so to speak, the more handsome of the predators.  This could also mean those that are easy on the brain while reading their messages to me or their profiles.  Some are oh so nice and enticing to read and others have almost made me feel the need to purchase my own coffin...  For those that are not into figurative language, that means some of you "bore me to death"

I have not had much of a chase lately.  Most are just lonely guys who want a woman to talk to. boring!!!  Asking me questions like,  what are your limits, what do you do, can i have a picture of your panties...  Well let me answer those... I'm fucking online, what in the hel do you think my limits are.. I will never see you!!!  What do I do?? I play online.. ding ding.. read the profile..... picture of my panties.... I have one better for you.  Once i find someone I LIKE to talk to, and usually turn my cam on, Well, that trumps panties, but i never said nude.. but a web cam of me proves I'm "me" the girl in the pictures, where as a picture I could have easily acquired.  It's terrible when you have to train the stalkers how to stalk....  Where have all the predators gone?

:)

Someone tell me the purpose of the men on here taking their shirt off for their picture of themselves standing in their bathroom mirror.  I mean if you're going to go through that much trouble so show people your gut, at least have someone else take the picture for you, AND for those of you that stand in the bathroom mirror to take that picture, for the love of god learn to do it from an angle and then, guess what no flash glare...

I mean i get women taking their shirt off, for the men, and maybe some women are into that, but if it doesn't look good, don't show it off.  If you got it flaunt it, if you don't... well don't.

Yesterday, I"m at parking lot duty and it is a beautiful day.  One dad in his car slows down as I wave and says to me "you should be out here in your bikini and getting a tan while you have to stand here and do this."  I laughed and said "yeah right..."  Waved, smiled, and just laughed at the idea of 1.) me in a bikini, and 2.) the idea of standing in a school parking lot in a bikini...

Still it was flattering to hear it.

Other thoughts for the day I've learned a lot about myself since I started chit chatting with people on here (CM i mean).  And whereas most of the original people I started talking with, well we no longer talk... it seems I took a little from each of them, and I'm finding some answers to questions I didn't even I know I had...

And finally, according to my therapist...  I'm not as "weird" as I think I am, and the "thoughts" I have are not as "uncommon" as i thought they were.  Apparently all the rest of you think like I do too, and it's a shame more people don't talk about it all. :)

on that note, have a good evening. :)

It has been the longest, most stressful week probably in my life...  That's all anyone on here needs to know.  It's going to be a busy and tiring week.  I need a rest, and I'm not sure how to get it.

Maybe I'll be "back to myself" later in the week.

Take care my fun creepy crawlies...  where i was stressed out the last few days, I still missed you!

:)

OH i LOVE riddles, :) Thank you Oz Man :)

*** No it's not a bruise in my new picture, it is just bad shadowing***

I find it funny, the sheer amount of people who A). thought my last journal entry was "about them", or B). had to give me some sort of unsolicited advice about me and my ways. 

Either way I did end up with a couple more interesting people to talk to, and that's nice.  Of course i also acquired a couple more idiots who do not know how to read, specifically the words "ONLINE ONLY"  Seriously.  I know that I'm fully educated, but I have to assume that most of the people on CM have to have at least an 8th grade reading level, and I'm pretty sure that's the level in which i type.

Maybe I misjudged the education of people looking to control another person fully.

SO

Something I learned today.

In order to control someone fully, and to be able to accept that responsibility... they must be educated.  I mean how can you give someone THAT much control over you if they're not capable of reading the newspaper?? (newspapers are typically written at an 8th grade reading level FYI).

And another thing, I'm not sure I could submit to someone who was dumber than I am.  I'm not saying I"m a rocket scientist by any means, as a matter of fact, I'm quite dingy, and easily confused and even gullible, BUT academically I ROCK!!  Just sayin'

... and NO i do NOT want to have an academic bowl with you, so don't message me proving you know every prime number, or your literature skills, or even that you know how to actually build a rocket... Don't want to hear about it. Don't care...

Good evening :)

Burned...

So surprise, i found someone to talk to, that really opened my eyes and made me see things, and then the opportunity to take it further came along, and he turned me down.  Just goes to show how many fakes there are on here.  How many people will have you believing that they care you, want you, and will "NOT" do anything to get more from you.  What a joke some people are.

I knew better...  Now my profile should be permanently bolded because all of that is emphasized by this most recent event.

I saw you today...

I saw you looking out your car window.  I turned around and you were looking at my ass.  You looked up and saw that I noticed.  You smirked...  Not that cute young man smirk, but that, "what can i do to you" smirk.  The one that would send chills down any young woman's neck, causing hair in hidden places to stand on end...  That kind of smirk.  I look down quickly, only to find you continuing to stare.  Do I page into the office and note that some creep is staring at me?  Or is this the one?  Is this the man who's been watching me, leaving me notes in my mail box.  The one that send the flower to my work and wrote a note. "I found you."  My heart races, minute beads of sweat form on my palms, and I shift my weight so I can cross my legs.  You wink at me and drive forward a little as the line of traffic moves forward to pick up children... Have I ever seen you before in our lot? Do you have any kids that attend my school?  I think back and imagine the cars, the faces... I just can't remember.  My breath speeds up a tiny bit, and I subconsciously shake my head... not this can't be.  It's just a game, its just online... he's not real, some husband with a fantasy like mine...

I use the walkee to page the next number, give my half friendly half flirty wave and turn my back to you.  On to the next car...  you are of no interest to me anymore...

One door closes...

Another prettier door opens...

*douche bags* is all I have to say.   There just isn't a shortage of them.

Tell me that this does not describe a slave! HA  My personality profile...

Update:

I guess I have no idea what I"m looking for. :)

Through several discussions, I'm finding that I may really just be a "person" who likes to be "made" to do something, which based on the many responses I get, is not a submissive or a slave at all.  Apparently a "subbie" (i hate that word) or slave does for their master because they want to.  Well, here's the thing.  I want to. But...

I think I can redefine it as, I am a submissive person, or a slave "want-to-be", but my Thing, my fetish, what gets me off, so to speak.. is the idea that I'm being "made" to do whatever.  The want is inside me, but I really enjoy the forced part, even when being forced to do things I don't really want to do.

And for all of you jackasses, who still don't know how to read, "forced" does NOT imply beating, bruising, or having the crap beat of of me and forced to comply.  It is so much more than that.  I mean don't get me wrong a little here and there is great and fun and I enjoy it, but it can be so MUCH more fun to realize you're "forcing" someone to do something they're not too keen on because at that point, they have to do it, or lose their integrity.  And regardless of any 'status' even slaves and subs have integrity.

That is all.

**This is not an invitation to write long passages and send them to me**

Today I got an email from a person writing a story about my rape fantasy but their version of it. Of course, right at the good part, he stopped and basically is telling me I need to ask for it.  Well hell.. I don't want to ask for it.  That would be showing some form of submission wouldn't it? 

So anyway, i think i politely asked for more, i might have said please.  I also noticed a bit of 'bossy' coming out.  Not sure how I like that.  It's very subtle, not sure everyone would notice it, but I do.

I'm very baffled by the "nice" people get that me to do things, rather than the "jackasses" that I expect to succeed in intriguing me.  So far its the nice ones, but i can only half tolerate the 'nice' conversation.  Drives me crazy and my OCD and ADD kicks in. and I'm want to pull my hair out.

Slow week on here.  Really few idiots left to message me I guess.  That makes me a bit happy.

On to my thrill, parking lot duty has been fun this week, I still notice more dads picking up their kids, and now a few roll down their windows and talk to me.  Everyday so far I've thought, is this a CM stalker?  Totally makes me nervous and excited at the same time. 

So, again a dorkus has proved me correct in the idiots on CM, and YES i understand now, not all are idiots, but  If you read my profile I am a self proclaiming "bitch"... No mystery, and yes this is what the idiots send...

Oh and he started with "what kind of things do you get on here" and so I copy and pasted his own remark, I was just kidding you over sensitive ninny...  Oh sensitive masters/doms are my favorite.

"of course you couldn't... take care.. just so you know was just trying to talk to you.. just so you understand..  you will never get a person who is intelligent.. (educated)... when you fuck with them on the first meeting.. so you need to think about who is uneducated.. ignorant and... well you already know where i'm going.. "

It's been a super busy week, finals, degree change, testing week, working with students, and finally a night off, sort of.

I've also gotten a few emails this week that I've really wanted to respond to, but I've been so busy I have not had time.

On that note, I am still getting a few idiot messages, but for the most part it's mellowed out, and I"m getting dominant people (girls and guys) who are nice to not only talk with, but a challenge. 

Of course i do get those 'idgits' (idiots), who think that for some reason they mean something to me and i should "bow down" if i want to talk to them.  Really?  Cause I have some tie to you?  You've given me a reason to "want" you!  Please.  I'm know I'm a slave/subbie (opinions of me vary), and all, but REALLY, if you want even a shot of getting my respect, or a small taste of my obedience, don't go there.  Be respectful, you can do both, (be dominant and respectful).  Respect is a human trait, not just reserved for 'vanilla' relationships.  Those of you that are not successful, try it.

Happy thoughts,

I was called adorable this week. :)  That is the first time ever maybe. 

I also have been told many times that I have a nice smile.  I appreciate that as physically, I'm relatively self conscious.

I've also spoken to a few people that really are just fun to talk to.  How about that.

I'm glad the emails have mellowed out, and I"m glad the one's I'm getting are not dumb ass's :)

See ya later,  Message if you want.

Turns out there are a few nice people on here that I am enjoying civilized conversation with.

Tonight, I'm exhaused!!!!

Good night CM

Flavor of the week.

I"m finding that these 'people' (as i won't call them Masters or Doms, for they don't deserve it), have a life expectancy of about 1 week, then they either.

• Freak out and tell me "it's not going to work." 
  
  • -Let me address that by saying, you're right, it's not going to work because you're a pussy.  I told it it was not going to work when I told you you were need, and too insecure about whether i was going to disappear on you, "promise me you won't dissappear."
• Bring up their real life, talking about their wife/girlfriend/family...
  • - well that's a huge way to get these fakes to run away.  Expect me to divulge my personal info about my life, but ask about yours and holy crap i've crossed a line Loser!"
• Give them even a 'hint' of what me being a bitch looks like.
  • I never claimed to be a sweet heart, or a perfect submissive, I have feelings, emotions, and problems, just like any other human.  But when I'm being a bitch, consider that an opportunity, not just get bitchy back.
• Get pissed at my behavior and tell me to get my act together or you'll never talk to me again...
  • I have no fucking connection to you yet.  I don't give a fuck if you leave.  Obviously if that's the route you've decided to take, I don't to be around you anyway.  That means, when my true issues come out in the unhealthy way, you won't be there, so don't fucking waste my time.  I get asked what I'm looking for?  Someone that can withstand me!
    
• Finally, don't tell me you'll beat the shit out of me and I'll learn.
  • Obviously I've said my issues are internal.  It's not a lack of want to do what I'm told.  Beating the shit of me would only be a temporary fix and really not worth anyone efforts, plus usually physical abuse just pisses me off, and then I will disappear on you.  Want me to be dedicated to you?  Learn my issues, solve them, and i bet even i'll be amazed and what I'm willing to do.

On that note,

Have a good week!

Let's pretend...

Let's imagine a person did exist that really seemed good with "reading" you and sending shivers down your spine, and even by being 'nice' made you 'want' to do what they asked.  And then they turn into a pussy, with a super insecure defense mechanism.. OH wait, so many people on here are like that.  One particular.

It's like really, if you're going to bother with this, get to the core of it.  Don't take everything for face value, and if you're going to claim to be a Master AND contact me, then you sure as hell better make up your mind in the beginning instead of waiting on your "heart" to decided.  You're either in this or your not in this.

As far as my search, let me clear it up.  I'm not searching.  If you message me, I talk to you.  If you fit me, then we fit good, if you don't well we don't, but i'm not sure what I"m in search of exactly, when "it" finds me, then we'll know now won't we.

Geeze.

So this is a true story that should give you a clue as to where i really live, with th beginning of my fantasy written in...

Today at work(school) I had parking lot duty.  I stand at the end, wave to the parents (who are mostly older than me).  When i started this before the snow storms, a lot of mom's picked up their kids.  Now it seems like there are a lot of dad's.  They wave, roll down the windows, talk about their music, or lately the weather.  Apparently tomorrow we are suppose to have tornadoes and, I had better make sure to have my umbrella with me.  So sweet those dad's are :)...(not into the daddy thing, so don't start messaging me about it).  Anyway, it's a beautiful day today, and I'm looking around at people sitting in cars, and I think to myself, "Any one of these people could be from CM", they could be watching me, ready to do god knows what".  I kind of freaked myself out a bit, and then went on with duty, and talking to other teachers and such...

So, how fun to have someone watching me and me never know it.  Seeing into my life and watching my moves, while I'm totally oblivious to the fact!  They watch me in my school, a place I feel safe, follow me in my car to my house.  Still I'm none the wiser.  They watch me get my mail, and go into my house where they then stalk me from outside, waiting to watch me again, and make their plan.  Here I would be absolutely oblivious to it.

Imagine that moment when my stalker decided enough was enough and he needed to remind me that I was a slave, and I didn't know it yet, but I was his slave.  Being at my house waiting for me when I got home for the day.  Grabbing me from behind, pulling my head back by my hair and running his fingers over my mouth.  He'd throw me into my couch in the front living area, of course I have no idea who he is....

What I learned tonight,

Men get pissed when you insult them, but I got a whole different breed of people messaging me.  I enjoyed several of those conversations.  One in particular.

I also found that those people feel my profile is vague, and not deep at all and why am I worth a message.  Yet they still messaged me.  It was better conversation and I enjoyed it.  Some tried to piss me off and it worked and I fought back, but those two didn't come back, so I call that my anger succeeding.  That's disappointing, but expected.  I also invited those people to get to know me and rewrite my profile, we'll see.

Also, FYI my fantasies include rape, kidnapping, and such, but that's not an option on the checklists.  I like fear, I like to be scared, and I love to be unsure of a situation.  Apparently I'm drawn to that.

Apparently all I had to do to get the intelligent men to talk was insult them.  That was worth my effort, though I do find it humorous that so many took it so personally.  Wow.

On that note, I'm going to bed.

Things I've learned tonight.

1.  Men are dumb asses.

2.  It pisses me off when people can't type.

3.  Intelligence is rare, and this is not the place to seek it.

4.  Those 'dumb asses' don't know how to read.

5.  That all men think they're not the men that are the dumb asses.