YogiBear

I just updated my profile.

I am serious about BDSM, but it is not easy to find subs.  The problem in sub/Dom matching is that some subs are not serious about subbing, and many Doms are downright abusive.

There are basically two categories of BDSM practitioners: play and scene oriented D/s couples, and TPE 24/7 M/s couples.  Everything else is variations on a theme.

There are more folks in need of counseling in the M/s scene, but that is the one I enjoy more. 

When I advocate counseling I am talking about those individuals who flirt with suicide, and risky environments.  While I am OK with sadism and pain slut gratification, risking people's lives or permanent harm is just stupid.

As a Master I think it is important to care for a slave and to provide a consistent and fair training environment.  This is very different from an abusive relationship.  In an abusive relationship the abused is subject to the whims and emotional instability of the abuser.  In a Master/slave relationship there are clearly defined rules and guidelines for slave behavior.  There is a consistency and a fairness.  Further, a good Master is not emotionally affected by slave misbehavior, and punishes in a fair, consistent, and effective fashion.

Unfortunately, too many slaves/subs are in relationships with abusive Doms/Masters. 

Equally challenging (but not as dangerous) is the sub who sets numerous conditions on the D/s relationship.  This is really a vanilla person who just wants some roleplay.

Roleplay is not D/s.  It can be incorporated into D/s or not, but it is a very different thing.  The critical difference is that roleplay is not real.  It is a form of fantasy and both parties know this on a fundamental level.  On the other hand a real Dominant/submissive relationship is totally real all of the time.  The parties may RP various scenes and scenarios but the Dom(me) is ALWAYS the Dom(me).

When a sub is allowed to set numerous conditions, s/he is in effect saying, "You don't control me."  That is death to the D/s relationship.  The Dom(me) must be in control.  Shared power is a hallmark of vanilla relationships. 

In no way am I arguing against hard limits or safe and sane practices.  Everybody can have a few limits, and violating safe and sane changes the relationship to an abusive one as I addressed earlier.  But there is a BIG difference between a "hard limit" and a group of conditions.

Conditions are a means of asserting control, and so I never let a sub set any conditions not related to safety or pre-defined "hard limits".  And, if a sub's initial hard limit list is too long (more than five or six) I make them whittle it down some in in pre-collar negotiations.

So that's my first post on BDSM.  Stay tuned, I' sure I'll have much more later.