yinyang73

I'm still looking, although my logging in here is back to erratic, so don't spend much time on first messages.? I try to log in once a week or two just to keep higher on the list when sorted by login date, but don't count on that.

Myself as a slave still makes more sense from one point of view, but I still feel the appeal of myself as the sadist.? I am still reasonably sure I can be totally one or the other for the right lady, or I could switch if that is of interest to you.? This gets me into trouble with both sides, but there it is.

The following is a slight edit of a DM.? It's the best I can do to clarify a certain topic without getting into yet more trouble than the above.

[Deep blue city] now is like Moscow in 1918.? I'm not sure there is any way to get me there.? I assume you don't want to come to the deep South, and I'm not even sure if I have a place for you if you did.? *Maybe* I do.

The idea of basking in and worshiping the divine feminine through the feet for hours a day is appealing, but I'm almost certainly not going to ... for it.

On a related point, you were more specific in your other profile on "political stuff" than you were here.? That threw me.? You had me excited on this site, but then I hit that barrier on the other site.

The above is the most polite way I can put it, and that's been rolling around in my head for weeks.? I didn't want to be insulting then or now.

I am considering changing my Dom - sub orientation to Dom.  For all I know, that will freeze my profile while it's approved, so I wanted to announce it.

This entry needs approval, of course, so I'll wait until I can see it from the outside or without a login, then I may change to Dom.

I am considering taking the plunge and rewriting my profile.  If I do, I'm pretty sure that (still) means that I can't reply to messages for weeks. 

It seems that some time ago the system added a bunch of checkboxes / traits / profile options.  I have some indication that those might get set to some quasi-random defaults. 

Someone told me recently that profile says I'm gay. I am very straight, so that is disturbing.  I'm afraid to look at my profile from the outside until this gets posted, so that I feel more free to take the plunge.

If I do it, I'll try to write one more journal entry.  The entry will probably be posted long before my new profile.

It looks like any changes to a profile are still problematic.  Because it's risky to change my profile, I'll announce that I turned 50 recently.  

The housing crisis that was brewing finally came. I moved 3 times from October to December.  I whittled down my stuff, and I have no emotional, legal, or financial attachment to where I'm living now.  I can move easily.  Right now, I'm still close to Cumming, Georgia.  (Yes, that's really the name.)

My top / potential Dom versus slave seesaw keeps teetering.  On one hand, I am still interested in being a live-in slave.  On the other, I have great memories of my several months as a top, which was years ago.  

I am NOT expecting to switch.  I think it may be doable, but most women don't think it's doable, so that's fine.  I can commit to one or the other.  

If I find a woman to submit to, I expect to become a totally obedient slave.  I am open to the idea that the slavery will eventually become permanent.  

I understand it is not the place of the slave to make demands.  With that said, I can't envision myself as a slave without worshiping HER feet.  I also envision bondage, pain, and cages, but I'm not sure that is essential.

On the other hand, if SHE wants to give pain, I hope to learn to take whatever she gives.  I hope she'll start slowly.  

On the top side, I am open to that, too.  As for being a Dom versus a top, I am pretty sure I could first play the Dom role and then become the role.  We'd have to discuss.  There is a question whether I'm in a place in life to project Dominance, but that obviously depends on the potential sub.

As for history, years ago my woman liked being called slave girl, even though BDSM was only in the bedroom.  I'll use the term slave or sub for simplicity's sake.  

Slave girl got lots of excellent foot massages, but she also got the opposite.  After some research and starting very slowly and carefully, I found that I could safely whip the soles of her feet with the leather part of a light belt.  She said it was a 10 out of 10 on the medical pain scale--the worst pain she'd ever felt.  But she never hesitated to submit to a whipping.  Even after experience, she enjoyed the idea of the whipping.  I tied her in a gentle hogtie during the whipping.

The following numbers are approximations.  I whipped her 15 times over 6 months. This was years ago.  She was hogtied for an hour, but the whipping was 15 - 20 minutes spread over the hour.  70 to 140 strokes.

What happened next is certainly relevant to a potential sub, but the whole story is too long for one entry.  She was more or less a vanilla girlfriend for a while, and we're still in touch.  I learned a number of lessons.  If I have the privilege of inflicting foot torture again, I am nearly certain I can keep that institution stable indefinitely.

After the whippings went slightly off the rails, I considered the situation from the slave's point of view.  Neither of us understood exactly what went wrong, so I was trying to figure it out.  That's when I realized I could see myself as a slave.  I could see myself as a true slave, not just a bottom.  

With that said, I have not tried slavery.  I've had discussions with a number of Dommes, and some have gone a way's down the path, but getting together never quite worked out for various reasons.

For the most part, I've been contacting Dommes, but I've started contacting subs lately.  I can use pen (keyboard) pals or phone pals or friends, so we don't have to agree on BDSM stuff.

Feel free to send a very short response the first time because I just returned to this site after being gone for 15 months.  I've done that before, too.  I disappeared in part because I gave real-world contact info to one potential domme.  We had a lovely series of emails, and we talked on the phone for a while.  For a while, that looked possible enough that I didn't come back here.  The discussion eventually hit some temporary roadblocks, but I plan to get back in touch with her, too.

I'm still in the same home as my last entry.  The "red alert" ended.  There is no despartion to move, but if I'm going to be a slave, it still makes sense to be a live-in slave.  I will move almost anywhere in the South, and a handful of other places.

I find that I am in exactly the same position as almost exactly 3 years ago.  I need to move, and I'd consider being a live in slave. 

I have to laugh at my mentioning not being a spelling snob and such.  Please be aware that this system / site removes a bunch of punctuation and even entire words or parts of words. Its a demented attempt at software security. If you look at your outgoing messages or your profile from an outsiders point of view, youll probably see what I mean.  You can see the phenomenon from your edit profile screen, too.