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Ideally, I'd like to meet recurrent play partners who can also be off-kink friends. Marriage, 24/7 anything and traditional LTRs are not what I'm after.
I have a close friend who is also my primary play partner (that is, she tops me beautifully); we are both open to playing with others, as long as this is understood.
In a nutshell, I'm a masochistic bottom with a certain amount of experience, and enough endurance to be fun to play with. If you like to inflict pain, I'm interested. The list on the left is
accurate- the things I like I have actually done, the others I'm really
curious about. I realize that for the kink items your list is what
really matters, and I'll be glad to comply (usually.)
I'm financially stable, reasonably fit, able and willing to carry on a conversation about many things: science, literature, politics. Hard-core conservatives won't like me, and I don't do religion.
I'm not very skilled at handyman-type chores, but I could offer a day (or weekend) of some kind of service in exchange for rough physical play.
I'll be happy to exchange pics, if there is any interest at all.
And by the way- I have zero interest in playing with men, or in the presence of men. No `forced bi' for me.
"There is only one antidote for mental suffering, and that is physical pain" (Karl Marx)- not that that's my motivation, I'm mentally quite well, thank you.
(updated 5/3/2010)
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This was a good week...I met four interesting people in three different cities (two states)- old-style face meetings, the only kind that counts. My understanding of this social environment grows by leaps and bounds (with a key component missing).
For instance, the reason it is hard to actually get to do something is that `play' is a misnomer- anything with a level of intensity that makes it interesting involves the kind of connection that is either just not there, or takes time to develop. Also, most old-timers already have a full play-list. CM is really a `relationship site'; and finding a good s/m match is at least as difficult as finding a match in general- more so if you don't live in a large city and more difficult still if you're looking for a female top. (One can always `solve' the problem trivially by hiring a pro sight unseen, but that won't address the long-term issue.)
Still, all this driving and no play time- what's wrong with you people?
I must now absent myself from CM for a few weeks.
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It is no fun to be a `newbie'...or to play with one, I gather. I can understand it from the top's point of view- there are all these people out there who think they can play, and only a tiny fraction `have what it takes'; let somebody else do the sorting. It is a little like a student trying to interest an expert in mentoring him/her- you have to stand out from the crowd somehow, bring something interesting to the table [I do!], show initiative and commitment, and be low-maintenance (emotional, in this case); people are busy. In fact, I wonder what's in it for the top (especially if female); the solution to this state of affairs is not only obvious, it has already been pointed out to me.
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"To Musil, the most stubbornly retrogressive feature of German culture was its tendency to compartmentalize intellect from feeling, to favor an unreflective stupidity of the emotions. He saw this split most clearly among the scientists with whom he worked, men of intellect living coarse emotional lives. The education of the senses through a refining of the erotic life seemed to him to hold the most immediate promise of lifting society to a higher ethical plane. He deplored the rigid sexual roles that bourgeois mores laid down for women and men. `Whole countries of the soul have been lost and submerged as a consequence', he wrote."
(J.M Coetzee, introduction to `The Confusions of Young Toerless, by Robert Musil, 1906)
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I've learned quite a bit from people on this site, even without meeting them...one (smart) woman taught me the difference between a `sub' and a `bottom', and that I'm clearly the latter. The same person predicts my future is limited to dungeon play and paid time with the pros (I have nothing against either, they're fun ways to learn.) My first reaction was disbelief, but she could be right, the demographics and geography are not particularly favorable.
I'm puzzled by Ds who respond to a contact from me and immediately start addressing me as `slave' and worse. We don't know each other, right? Please be polite, as I am.
Another observation is that the threshold for a 3D meeting is very high- the vast majority of people are content to interact online. I suspect this happens because most people here are already suitably paired off, and get on CM mainly to `keep an eye on the market'.
I was personally `teased' into an `almost-meeting' by someone I'm now convinced is a `web creation'- that is, there is no real person fitting the profile description. So now I too (the sub, imagine) will ask for credible evidence of existence (and availability to play, or at least talk) before I start driving.
Finally- you might think that women with an active interest in `alternative lifestyles' would more often be `free spirits', not particularly tied to relationship conventions, compared to women in general (I don't track men). But it seems the usual conventions and expectations about relationships and male-female roles are still observed by most. A marriage with kink is still basically a marriage...something to be viewed with great skepticism (in my book.)
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"...the nightingale's sweet song overcomes his resistance and he leans forward to kiss the Sphinx's lovely face. This awakens the statue, and she thirstily drinks the poet's kisses, almost unto his last breath. Then, lusting for erotic pleasure, the Sphinx embraces him and tears his poor body with her lion's paws, leaving the poet [Heine] to marvel at this coupling of rapturous torment and delicious woe. His pain, like his pleasure, is beyond calculating; while her kisses make him happy, her paws wound him grievously:
Entzueckende Marter und wonniges Weh!
Der Schmerz wie die Lust unermesslich!
Derweilen des Mundes Kuss mich beglueckt
Verwunden die Tatzen mich graesslich.
And the nightingale sings a question to the Sphinx, seeking to solve...the romantic puzzle over the fatal ambiguities of love. What does it mean, it sings, that love should mix its bliss with mortal torment:
O Liebe! was soll es bedeuten
Dass du vermischest mit Todesqual
All deine Seligkeiten?
Heine's poet resolves the conflict between desire and defense not through virile action but in passive endurance, by surrendering to the clawing, man-torturing woman."
Peter Gay, Education of the Senses (1984), p. 205
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"What is the essence of the sadistic drives? Again, the wish to inflict pain is not the essence. [The essential impulse is] to have complete mastery over another person, to make him a helpless object of our will...Psychologically, both tendencies [sadistic and masochistic] are the outcomes of one basic need, springing from the inability to bear the isolation of one's own self. [Symbiosis]: the sadistic person needs [her] object as much as the masochistic needs his."
(Fromm, loc.cit. p. 180)
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"The implication of this for masochism is that the individual is driven by an unbearable feeling of aloneness and insignificance. He then attempts to overcome it by getting rid of his self; his way to achieve this is to belittle himself, to suffer, to make himself utterly insignificant. But pain and suffering are not what he wants; pain and suffering are just the price he pays for an aim he compulsively tries to attain:...inner peace and tranquility."
Erich Fromm, Escape from Freedom (1941) p.176
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