Just had to share this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je93vzro1Ow

A man absolutely hated his girlfriend's cat and decided to get rid of it one day by driving the cat a mile from home and leaving it at the park. As the man arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat two miles away. He put the pet out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, and the cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive 50 miles away, turn right, then left, past a bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his girlfriend: 'Honey, is the cat there?' 'Yes', she answers, 'why do you ask?' Frustrated, the man says 'Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.'

Hope this cheers you up if you haven't had a good day 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qrBj3u5dPgM

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

SPERM BANK

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

Now i watch this with the knowledge I have now I see Helga as a submissive and willing to do anything for her master (hairflick)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&v=Mta87MOLhu0&NR=1

Talk about ending a very good day in a bad way

Dind dong here we go POSSIBLE of round 3 with lung cancer . .  uncle was 1st followed by my mum and it could be my Dad next just what i dont want as I was getting my life back on track.

Just got to wait for confirmation

This is your Life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, QUIT! If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV.

If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.

Stop over analyzing, all emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Life is simple.

Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences.

Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.

Travel often, getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them.

Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them so go out and start creating.

Life is short. Life your dream and share your passion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKo5P_9w9Qs

Just came across this site

http://www.collarmefakes.com

 

Dont know if is any good

"Legs without stockings & suspenders are like a picture without a frame " lol

Author unknown

Here are some more Bdsm guides for beginners

If your interested here are a few links around RACK, SSC and general safey in bdsm, feel free not to bother some of it is quite the heavy reading lol.

http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/BDSM_health,_safety,_and_risks

http://www.actoronto.org/bdsm

http://www.hiddencastle.com/Bailey/Knights/BDSM_Responsibilities.htm

http://www.withinreality.com/

A Beginner’s Guide To BDSM

http://kinkybritain.co.uk/kinky/category/advice

Cyber sex

"If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done." ~ Thomas Jefferson

 If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.” ~ Mark Twain 

I don't wanna grow up im a bdsm kid with ten million toys to play with from whips and chains to clamps and canes gee whiz i'm a bdsm kid lol

For some reason i get more people from the good old USA viewing my profile then people from the UK.

I have nothing against it but it would be nice to know whats interesting about my profile to view as i like honest opions

Charlie Chaplin's Great Dictator's Final Speech - (Oct.1940)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIjSnaa22oo&feature=related

SUBMISSIVES READ THIS IF NOTHING ELSE! 

The Acid Test!

   

(www.mybdsm.com/pages/kalanasc/bdsm/acidtest.html

)

He calls it the Acid Test for the male and female subs when it comes to scoping out the fake Dominants on this site.
(HNG = Horny Net Geeks)
The Acid Test!

Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people
that make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy/girl was a real Dom, if
his/her personality makes you feel uncomfortable, s/he's not going to be fun to play with.

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir/Ma'am!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak.
Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we earn them.
 Most real Doms will say things like "Please, call me Mike/louise..."

Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play
with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by
control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their
advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing!
Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make one.

Test#4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your
knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This person is an HNG. Use
some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not even
polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it
isn't online!

Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!"
or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master/Mistress that." These are
examples of some the dangerous lies that control freaks and snerts use.
This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important! A Dom
had better be ready to at least try and answer every question you have,
and honestly at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never
forget this!

Test #6: "It's my way or the highway!" or words to
that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Doms can
have limits too, but it's your limits that count FIRST. Don't let any
would-be "Dom/me" tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs
tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned,
it's always lady's choice!

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars.
Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his
online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: Would
a real-life Dominant waste much time on cyber sex and cyber domination?
Please take my word for it; The answer is no. Forget it, once you've
done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.

Test #8: Ask your prospect if s/he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If s/he says
"no," run for your life! If s/he says, "very rarely," at least be
suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced and
skilled. Sometimes submissives have limits they don't even know about,
and even the most careful and skilled Dom/me in the world will trip over
these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the
Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to
a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles.

Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer,
self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to
meet a rich Dom/mes too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many
captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also,
think about this personality profile; If this super successful,
always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive!
Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met
a lot of submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom/mes
yet!

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master/mistess  for 15
years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom/me's
level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the
math as well. 18-year-old boys/girls don't care about the intricacies of
BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies/gentlemen, I was an
18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what
they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it
takes maturity and training to be a Master/mistess. What are the odds a person
became a Master/mistress when they were still using Clearasil?

Test #11:
Ask for references! Especially if s/he claims to be "very experienced."
Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female/male
screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a
lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is
understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk
to someone's ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite;
experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of
request gladly.

Test #12: "I have three real-life collared slaves right now, but you can't talk to them."
OK, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible.
What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part.
 I have met couples (and even triads) that really were looking for an extra person
to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the scene. But these
couples were looking together. If a "Dom/mes" has anyone already collared
to them, you probably ought to talk to her/him first!

Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's
likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of
course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords
either. Need I say more?

Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their limits for them.
" If you hear a "Dom/mes" say this it's most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind.
 Or worse still, his/her  "slave" is simply the victim of spousal abuse. Even so-called TPE
(Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM
relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.

Test #15: "I'm married, my wife/husband can't know about us" If I have to explain
this one to you, you've got problems. I have played with many married
submissives in my time, but only with the express permission (and more
often than not, participation) of their  wives/husbands. Safe BDSM requires
complete honesty. You can't build a good scene on lies. There are
plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but
please note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars)
themselves.

Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here: You will
learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online
contact with a "Dom" that falls through, analyze why it fell through.
Don't make the same mistakes twice if you can help it.

Im  updating my profile as i go and have time to do so

I only joined this site yesteday and will be uodating my profile as and when i have time to.

I tend not to post a picture of myself on a profile as like my privacy (dont want the whole world to know what i look like ) also because of of picture theives as well but i am more then will to prove i am who i say i am