xXxCreexXx

It was over before it ever even began Just thought that you might understand, someone like me could never be in love with a person like you.

No hard feelings, I'm sorry if you got hurt along the way...

Taking hearts and breaking dreams.

If I do drugs it's because I want to and enjoy it, not because there's some under lying issue at work. Thanks for your concern but excuse me while I go do a line of coke off that pretty girls tits, Dad.

Sincerely,

happily using.

Tonight was wonderful despite being the two year anniversary of a friends death. It also happened to be the birthday of one of my best friends. Spent the day shopping and the night on main street with the two besties and some friends. Ended up getting a new peircing while there tonight as well as a cute new outfit earlier. Decided to go back to my place with J. and M. where I had them watch the movie The Watchmen for the first time. M. spent the entire movie hanging/touching/cuddling J. It took every fiber of my being to sit back and not say a word. J, knows how much it bugs me because of my slightly possesive side which is why he adores me and stayed longer to allow me my favorite activity. <3 He always knows how to make me happy. I must say I'm one of the luckiest females I know. I've got an amazing Best friend.

Do you like what you see?

I’ve noticed the way that you've been watching me.

Your eyes show what you want, what you hope for.

Are you sure you wanna get with me?

I'm something you’ve never had before

Something you’ve never seen,

When I spoke you stood there with that dumb look on you’re cute face.

I have to admit, I’d never played with someone such as you,

Stupid boys never really interested me, and when you spoke, I cringed inside.

I kissed you and told you to shut up, that I didn’t give a damn about what you had to say. It didn’t matter who you were, what you did, or where you lived.

Wasting time, you were wasting time.

I'm always playin that game, you know the one..

The one that drives you insane.

I didn't start it that was all on you, but I'll confess I never planned on stopping you.

I can read you like an open book,

I know the words you want to hear,

I know the way you want to feel,

And I know just how to take you...

I know what you want..

The first time I sit at your family's table for Friday night supper, I'm on pass from the hospital and still will not reach for food on my own --- So after prayer, when the loaf of bread travels though each pair of hands, you tear a piece for both of us. And cover a plate with sweet potatoes and turkey, set it on the mat in front of me. You fill your own bowl with greens and cucumbers and remind your indignant grandmother that you have to make weight for your wrestling match in the morning. Tomorrow, your coach will swaddle you in plastic wrap anyway and you'll jog laps around the indoor track until the last three pounds trickle down your back. Some boys use their finger in their throats and some take pills to pee but back when you first visited the unit, you promised you'd stay above 135. Tonight your older sister has come home from college to point at your meager bowl with her fork, joking "How can you stand my anorexic brother?" On a sitcom, somebody's knife might clatter to their plate but actually your dad only stands to push back his chair, tells her "I need to see you in the kitchen, pronto." And when you first reach for me I unfist my fingers but it's just my wrist you're after. And you cover the plastic hospital bracelet with your hand.

When I look at you it makes me realize how much I can't stand who you are. Don't get me wrong, you're a gorgous girl but in all honesty it's just a mask to cover up that ugly rotting thing you call a soul. And everytime you catch me looking at you from across the room I'm not thinking how amazing you are, I'm thinking how much I want you're face to reflect the real you and see how far you get. Do you ever wonder why I smile so half heartedly? No, of course not because you're pretty little face is to far up your ass. Granted that is a pretty tight hot ass you have but still. Some days I wish you were like Medusa, so that when you looked in the mirror and stared at yourself as you so often like to do you would turn to stone. You'd make a lovely garden piece. Stupid little whore... I. Fucking. Hate. You. Buuut I'll never let you in on this dirty little secret until it's too late. Shit, you're calling me again. I'll answer and tell you I'm writing an email to my ex because you can hear the angry tapping of my fingers. You ask what's wrong, I'll say nothing because in truth you really don't care. I'll save us the time. At the end of your rant about how all guys are stupid you'll wish me good night and say you don't know what you'd do without your best friend and I'll say the same. Why? Because I've pretend all this time so I can take you out of the game. I'm going to ruin you. And it's all because I warned you not to fucking get in the way with him.. Fair is fair bitch, I laid out the game rules and you accepted. Too fucking bad you have 0 game. I almost pity you and I know this sounds cruel and makes me heartless but you hurt him and he's mine, so I'm going to teach you a lesson. Worst part is, is you'll never see this coming. Two years of "friendship" ha, I'm a cold bitch to those that deserve it. I'll take my time with revenge because it's best served cold <3 Kisses

I'm sitting across from you in the middle of the food court. I smile coyly, dip the plastic spoon back into the ice cream and once again offer it to your lips. I've been feeding you the ice cream since we bought it; to be honest I was suprised you let me but I'm not complaining, never. Ever since you sent me the text this morning asking if I was free I couldn't help smiling at the thought of you wanting to see me. I feel like even though there must be at least a hundred other people along with the large group we're sitting with it's just you and I. All I can think about is how beautiful you are and that the next person that hurts you will pay, how this recent boy succeded in doing so I'll never understand. At least you came to me for help, for comfort, and company. 

I'm not sure what to do with or about you, you confuse me. I want you but I'm walking on eggshells about it. If I lose you then I'm not sure what I'll do.

Baby, I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time

Devils and Gods

Now that's an idea

But if we believe that it's

They who decide

That's the ultimate detractor of crimes

'Cause Devils and Gods

They are you and I

Devils and Gods

Safe and Inside

Keeping safe distance, but courting disaster

I'm wondering who let me near you in the first place, why no one noticed me careening towards you and pulled you out of harm's way for a talk.

Am I keeping you safe distance?
Pushing you arms length away?
Please forgive me.
Oh God forgive me.
How can I let you actually go through with this?

I'm a disaster and I'm sure you're unaware the damage I cause.

What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I have nothing but good intentions I swear this,

I swear I do..

But everything I'm in seems to come unglued at the seams.

Every relationship with me is doomed, what can I say?

I'm honest from the start, I'm afraid of this whole thing.

You say it's okay, you're still willing to care but this is the problem

because I'm really only half there.

I'm speaking in code, I'm hiding inbetween these lines.

I'm letting you know me without letting you in.

I'm trying to keep you safe, I swear.

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

~       ~        ~

We were amazing but never meant to be, we could have saved each other but together we were something foul, horrible. A joke of love. What we are is just a mistake but the skys are gray and as we touch one last time.. You whisper "This will always stay with me" I need to believe the lie, like you needed to believe in me.

and all I can do is watch as I try not to scream,
we're dead before the guns ever put to our head
Love is just a bullet with our name carved in it.
so give me you're hands and I'll give you the means to put me out of my misery