XxSeductionxX

Female Submissive, 44

Female Dominant, 24, San Diego, California

Female Dominant, 22, san diego, California

There has been so much going on in my life recently that I have not been paying attention to the BDSM community. I have not exactly wanted to either. I had an unfortunate incendent with a submissive that quite put me off the subject all together. *sigh* I donno. Besides that there has been wedding plans for Master Lunacy and myself. It's been hectic, everything getting done at the last possible minute. The more I think about it the more nervous I get. I've never been married before. He has though... There is something utterly...romantic about being a new bride. Something...barbaric? I'm not sure I can convey my feelings about it. Will I feel changed? Will the relationship change? After we become one will there be some kind of....I donno. I know I am being entirely silly about the subject. You just have to wonder about these things. Maybe I am romantizing it like I do everything. I read about love and romance in my novels all the time, it gives me a unhealthy, and entirely wrong view of what love truely is. Truely I did not know what love was, until I met Master Lunacy. It may not be heart stopping, unyeilding passion, and love so vast and deep that it sends shivers down my body to think of it, as my novels would say it is. Love seems to be something all together different. More subtle in nature. A friendship of sorts. A deep comfortable compaionionship. You know everything about that person, you know their faults, and their strangths. Their desires and wonders and dreams and deepest darkest secrets. You can sit in silence, perfectly comfortable in their presence, you can lay for hours in eachothers arms and talk about anything, or nothing. You are open, able to laugh, cry, yell, scream, argue at your leasure. You have someone you can absolute trust, who will always be there for you. I suppose it IS romantic in it's own right.

So, I have met lots of males since two days ago. And it seems that only a select few are worth becoming mine. Hmm it is slightly disappointing. If you are reading this, and are a sub or slave, please read my profile throughly and make sure you understand what I want before messaging me. Be honest with yourself, I do not want messages from slaves who do not fit my critera.

So recently I have accepted Male slaves and submissives online. It has proven to be vastly overwhelming. I did not know I would be getting so many messages! *sighs* I will try to keep up. I doubt many of them will even make it passed the IM Hi how are you stage. I'm much to picky for my own good. But I suppose it can be a good thing. Go easy on me guys, I'm trying to get to you all!

I feel like I have hit a perverbual wall in my life, a platue or nothingness where my days just seem to blend from one usless exsistance to the next. One minute I'm this, and then next I am that, to the point where I am confused as to who I really am or what I really do anymore. I've lost interest in all things. Writing, drawing, reading, friends, life really. I say "I have no time" When really I have all the time in the world and I am just making up excuses not to socialize with people I care about. To distance myself from the world in hopes of...hopes of what? I dont know, and I dont even know if I will ever find out. Sometimes I think that I was better off back home, at least I had something going for me. Here I've become the great zombie blob, that had once resembled Jessica. I haven't bathed in a week, and let me tell you, that is not a friendly thing. I've been lousying around..doing nothing really. Passing the time, passing my life with video games, or t.v. I have no structer, no desire or ambition. I've lost interest in sex! I mean, what do I have to do? Lately my relationship has been a little rocky, and I have no idea why. Well...yes I do..sometimes I desire something more..or maybe something less. Sometimes I just want to be free to be me, to be who I am completelely. And to be completely alone, to enjoy life as it is, and not care about being with someone. Whats it really worth anyways? Arguments over televison, or weather it was their turn to do the dishes. Watching the other half go crazy in frusteration and getting angry and frusterated yourself because of it? Having someone else influence your emotions, influence your life? Because for the rest of your life you have to think of that person too. If they want sex you have to give it to them to make them happy, if they want a gift, you have to buy it for them. And pretty soon they start taking over your life, it is sufficating!! I cant stand it sometimes, and honestly sometimes I wished I was alone. I try to look on the bright side of these things. Hey at least I will never FEEL alone? Right? GAH I dont know. I need to clean, this place is starting to resemble my old bedroom, I need to shower, I smell like desaised ass, I need to work on my art, I need to call cafes, and art gallerys to see if they would be interested in my shit, I need to write and actually complete something, so that I can make some fucking money. I need to go back to school so I can go to collage and become something great. I need to stop fighting with the boyfriend and just get on with my life. I need to loose weight or like, die of fat...I can just see myself, getting fatter, ten years from now I'll be the size of a whale, and unable to leave my bed, I will have stretch marks on my stretch marks and mushrooms growing out of my fat folds, black heads will cover ever pore of my body, and my greesy hair will cause me to break out in zits constently. I will eat an entire tub of gravy every night followed by a big helping of steak fat. I fucking disgust myself sometimes. I guess the worst part of it is that I never know what I want. One minute I want to be dominated the next I cant stand it anymore. I think it's that it takes a very domiant man to do so, or that I cant submit to men? I dont know. I found it easy to submit before. Well maybe it was hard on her part...wait hard on my part too. Sometimes I couldnet stand her, and I had to hold myself back from lashing out with a vengence. But hey, thats just the way I am. I like it but I dont. I like to say I'm a complex person but honestly I think it's just the fact that I never know what I want. I'm too wishy washy, and I cant belelive that anyone would actually want to get involved with me, love me, or even want a friendship with me. I'm a bitch, I'm bitter, I'm vengefull and vendictive, I hate and feel with an intense passion that has been slowly ebbing away over the years. I've become disinsitized, and in some ways i'm a better person, and in some ways I'm worse. It's like, when I first got here I couldn't beleiev the things that were happaning. Children getting shot, bums killing people. I mean what the hell! I cried for them, I honestly did. And now....It's such an ordianary thing, I cant cry for everyone you know. I'm so sick of this shit. This whole...Life thing. Sick of it. It sucks. I hate it. I have to deal with it every day, every fucking day. And I really...I just...I need...something...someone...to just reach inside of me, grab a hold tightly, and tell me everything will be okay. Someone to motivate me and ride my ass, i'm sick of sitting here day after day doing nothing with my life! And I can do nothing about it! I'm not complaining. Hell I would hate myself if I would. This is not so people can pity my emoness. This is just an expression of myself in the purest form. At 5:50 in the morning, a full bladder and a stomach full of nothing but rice.

We met someone amazing the other day. Never before have we both connected with someone like this. We spent hours talking to her, and it's like we've known her forever. We really really like her, it's amazing. Out of all the people we have went through, we never expected something like this to happen. We are so happy!

It's been awhile since I have wrote in this Journal. Alot of things have happand since then. Our puppy, unfortnately seems to be playing games. Is there any woman out there who is not actually a man, or is actually serious about this fucking lifestyle?! I am sick of the fakes, posers, mind fucks, and males pretending to be females. I know I dont ask to much of my slaves, this shouldn't be that hard. *sighs* Besides all that I have become a Mentor to a Male slave. I am training him in the lifestyle. He is the only male submissive on my friends list if anyone is curious. I had him set up an account on here, and I check all his messages. So I will have some say in who he chooses as a Mistress. I want her to be real. Someone who knows what they are doing and can guide him in the right direction in his life. He needs guidance, modivation, and some one to give him a great big kick in his ass. Lets hope we can find someone like that for him. ~Miss Selene

We have a new slave. A beautiful new puppy, *grins* This is a happy moment, we are on our way to building our poly home. Hurray!

I am so SICK of every single slave who says they want to be a slave, then refuses to be treated like one. I respect slaves for what they do, but I do NOT respect slaves for playing games, saying one thing and then doing the other, and not doing as they are told when they said they could do it. It disgusts me, the way they act as if they were above us Doms/Dommes but the had clearly CHOSEN to be below us, to serve us, to be what ever we wanted them to be. I feel sorry for them, because they are obviously confused. They are in love with the IDEA of being a slave, but hate the actual act. SLAVERY IS NOT rainbows and Lolipops!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING ROMANCE NOVEL. I now refuse to get attached to any prospective because of what one had done to me. If she truely loved me like she said she did, then she would have either, said "I am so sorry Mistress but I cannot do as you ask." OR would have said something like "Forgive me, I know I have misbeaved, Yes mistress etc." I dont ask for much from my prospectives except respect, and obediance when it is possable. If you choose to obey, DO NOT let others get in the way of obediance. I have no time for slaves who are not dedicated to that role.

How about all you guys tell me something hmm? Why is it, when I put NO MEN on my profile, you still view me? Even Dominant men! You still message me, you still look at me, like i'm on display for you. No I AM NOT interested in men, no I dont want you to be my ass slut, NO I dont want to be your little subbie whore. Its not going to happan so get over yourself and move on. ALL MALE REPLYS GO TO BULK FOLDER.. I DONT READ THEM, I DONT SEE THEM.

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