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About x
Frankly, my mind is getting a little bit bored with this lifestyle
For years I have been searching for the perfect dominant lady.
The result of taking this path is the insight that remarkably many woman who crave to be in control are just as needy as I am.
It feels good to be back at eye level with my fellow human beings.
I once dated a dominant lady full of negative self-talk and complaints about
"society suppressing her desire to express her needs"
and she felt guilty and ashamed for
"her addiction to being in control".
Another woman said she needed the lifestyle as an escape to silence her feelings of not being able to fit in mainstream society.
The main concern of both woman seemed to be to feel accepted and they were prepared to dress up to get that feeling.
I clearly recognize such need for security and acceptance, although I myself choose the submissive strategy in my sometimes desperate attempts to get those needs met.
For years I lived the fantasy that dominants were beings of a different order, i.e. less vulnerable to our basic ( what I when speaking about myself would consider "childish" ) human needs.
I now consider that a rather obvious illusion which sounded plausible because of self-brainwashing by continuously repeating the same message: I AM a slave, she IS a mistress.
Perhaps the few people I met are not representative for the lifestyle as a whole, but I do smell and taste a lot of “needy dominance” here on collarme.
There’s nothing wrong with that, apart from that it completely evaporates my fantasy.
It means that I feel responsible for guiding the so called dominant lady into accepting herself as she is, rather than submitting to her.
The moment I start coaching her, my submissive traits seem to evaporate. My mind is no longer able to stay in an addictive loop, i.e. neither sub or dom.
Something inside of me that's very alive and full of enthusiasm seems to have lost interest in the butter and bread of collarme.
I see nice people with very natural human needs, but I no longer seem to share those needs.
This thought puts me back with both feet on the ground. It actually feels quite good to be back on vanilla territory after having been away for so long.
The journey was interesting but now the lifestyle lacks novelty. It doesn’t stimulate my brain anymore.
There are so many other things in life that thrill and delight me.
I wish you all the best,
Enjoy the spring!
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