WorstSubbieEver

With time to think, I think I may be a switch.  I'm at least going to explore it.

So, why am I the worst sub ever?

Well, there are many answers to that.  Dslavemaster can probably tell you some of them.  I hope he doesn't.  But I think acknowledging his influence over me is a first step towards moving away from the worst towards the almost-worst subbie. Almost.

One thing - I am afraid of total submission.  Very afraid.  And that is an issue.

Another - I get a slight thrill out of pleasing a guy.  It's almost a feeling of power.  Feeling like I control his orgasm.  So when I do submit, it makes me feel empowered.  It's kind of fucked up.  I don't know if this what people mean by "topping from the bottom" or if it means I am a switch, but NCchairguy is helping me through these issues.  He's a gem.

Finally, I'm tired all the time, and which means I have a hard time following orders before I go to work and when I get home (and often pass out).  So my priorities are either very appropriate (as per the school of the "tiger mother") or completely out-of-whack (as per this community's standards).

This comment will probably scare people away.  But it's on my mind.  If it scares you away, then you wouldn't be able to understand me anyway.  It's natural selection.  (Okay, so I am completely misusing that term...)

Too busy to read everything these days.  I'm sorry!

Thanks for so many messages.  I read them all, but there are not enough hours in the day to respond to each one (or even each one that I like).  I'm sorry!

I feel like I'm getting a good mix of one-liners and novel-length messages.  So, some words of advice.

1. If you're gonna send one line, make the line count.  Some of you have.  And you've probably received a message back.

2. If you're going to send a long message.... a few notes:

- I bore easily.

- I don't understand complicated sentences.  Commas are my enemy.  It's not your fault, it's mine.  But try to keep me engaged.  I must have ADD, because I feel like there are a lot of intelligent messages that I just cannot read to the end.

- Please don't just copy your profile text.  I'll probably look at your profile before I even read your message.  So if it's the same, I know you're just fishing.   And fishing is one of my hard limits.  I meant actual fishing, but fishing for subs is just as bad.