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**codicil....what planet are you on if you have no profile pic or won't at least share one privately, or if you live in another country. Guys keep it real and remember this is my spoof profile, not my real one. Spare your comments about bad attitude for someone who actually cares what you think, won't be me tra la la la la**
Hoping I might find someone really special, in the meantime (and it could be a very long while given the statistics of special on here, best you sit comfortably and drink your cocoa) I intend to enjoy the company of all you beautiful, shiny, happy people and hopefully find some humour amongst the dross.
Now, I do ponder the meaning of friendship. I mean why try and add me when you haven't even spoken to me, even more as some sort of opening message? Especially when this is a self professed second profile. Are you so insecure that you feel the need to collect people....shame on you Dom, or is it sham of a Dom?? Then the essay that is "not a copy and pasted message"....wow I am so impressed that you have a typing speed of arroximately 400 words per minute, take shares in Pitman. Hmm NEXT.
On a serious note, I do have a very serious side you know it is how I obtained by Phd, please don't contact me if you are already attached and looking for more than pure friendship, (even though you are guaranteed to fall in love with me instantly and to want to leave your significant other and have babies with me - worthless cad), vastly of a different age (sugar daddies just aren't my thing sweetpea) or disgustingly ugly, have warts (genital or otherwise), are a troll,look like Jabba the Hut, Tom Jones or Les Dawson's ladies, dreamer or pretender (you all know who you are) ....only joking! Narrowing down my potential gene pool by the minute. I must also state that BO is so last year and perhaps try a touch of Chanel to lure the ladies.
Tights and stocking fetishists are genuinely welcome in my shiny happy brigade, but please make sure they fit you correctly, no ladders or wrinkles please boys. Girls we don't like wrinklies do we? Pass the viagra to me sweetie. Oh my, what a big...ego you have guys. Sure this site has more than it's fair share of "capri" men..now come on, own up boys who has an ostentatious bonnet or a large medallion?
Now copied and pasted one liners make me laugh the most. Is your attention span so short that you struggle with more than one sentence, command of the English language so poor or are you just lazy and here for easy sex...perhaps you have the same problem with relationships...thus all the one nighters (read nights in with yourself, an adult movie and a tissue)?
You see D/s appeals to me because it celebrates my femininity, a true male dom captures my trust and respect and feels no threat thus doesn't try to subjugate me. I am strong and independent, therefore I rejoice and feel wrapped in your manly chest and comforted in your arms. Sadly apart from a very select few, I could wipe the floor with the lot of you. You have to be a man before you can ever aspire to becoming a Dom. You need a backbone, moral fibre and immoral aspirations. Alas, most of you Doms need a splint.
Don't be disheartened as I won't respond if I don't feel there is love at first sight, so please don't take it personally. Don't whine and whinge should I reject you on lack of height/hair, penis size, (too big or too small) personality, ability to write a paragraph or cheesy copy and pasted message lacking all originality. You see I have realised it doesn't matter what you write here, very few actually read it. So keep sending me the same, repeated message week after week, you truly blind me with your wit and repartee on such a regular basis....I am left quite speechless. The funniest thing is the sites biggest culprits just keep doing it, even here! Thicko's!!
Yes YOU, you know you are guilty!
All you men who send me one liners on both profiles saying "Hi, do you want to talk" You are truly inspirational creatures, strange really you think with being so ugly you would need to compensate with your personality. After a year and your chat up failing to woo me, do you think it might be time to reflect on your tact and perhaps try another? Just a teensie thought...
Then there are the men who send the same message to everyone, "Can I ask you a question"..oh please "dahling".
Then come the men who pose in various guises and become whatever your profile seeks....if you can't be true to yourself, how do you have a hope of remaining true to me. Yes the same man has appeared as a sub, daddy dom, horse trainer, dom, switch and total gentleman..all in one week....confused dot com might be a good place to start. Now own up, even doms I know and care about have done this...haven't you ha ha you see I know your dirty secrets!
If you need to call yourself Master, Sir, Trainer as anything other than a bit of tongue in cheek humour, then I am convinced you are lacking in testosterone or self esteem....perhaps you lack inches somewhere? If your profile name even starts with such, I laugh...and delete. Cretins, doh.
Onto photos, gosh there I was tucking into my shredded wheat in the morning and up pops something resembling a well cured Linguica....nice, NOT. To tell you the truth it really put me off my food. If I wanted a photo of a dried up, wrinkly, old sausage I would have headed to Waitrose and salivated over the deli counter. Boys, for that is what you are to feel the need to self exhibit without first checking that it is appropriate with the recipient, PUT THEM AWAY! I will ask for it, should I indeed feel a need to see it. When I do, make it clean, juicy, succulent and totally yummy. I am very fussy over what brand of sausage I eat you know.
Cam creatures.....words leave me speachless, they would you too if you knew that I had invited all my delicious girlie pals around to have a good laugh at your expense! Watch out you never know what might be copied onto the lamppost outside your mothers house!
Fake photos, well some of you are too stupid to remove the advertising tags, others have been seen here before (thiefs), most are so obvious. Again, even people I care about have done this....guys if you ever want to meet someone, do you honestly want us to walk straight past you. Btw using my photo to set up a fake photo is a bit sad, you could at least have picked a Kylie look alike, instead here I am beautilicious and size 14/16.
A liar is a liar is a liar, so your chances of meeting number 2 seem slim. If you are 45, state 45, do you not think we might notice that you are not 22 when we meet you? No wrinke cream or botox is that good.
Guys, this profile is a self confessed fake, so why are you arguing your defence if I cut you dead in one line after reading your cretinised response? Can you really not handle rejection, ahhhh poor luvie..get used to it, because I can't see your lot changing. Do you think you might an emotional masochist, getting off on my put downs? Not very domly is it really..
We are women first and foremost, not subs, sluts, whores, swamp donkeys, brood mares or worse. You would do well to remember that when you address me. Submit is what we choose to do, not what we are, we have personalities, feelings and that thing called a life....oh did I mention a brain. Just be human, personable..is normal a little too much to ask?
Misogynists best leave me in peace in addition to anyone who doesn't have a "truthful" mirror to look in. (now go and look in your honest mirror and tell me what you see, if it is any of the above jog on swiftly please) chop chop.
If you have ever used the word obey or control in your opening message, you may as well take a hike, cardinal sin in my book. Damn that leaves four Doms left, (who are probably women anyway) it is a little like Mr Wonka and his golden ticket don't you think! Who fancies a ride in my glass elevator? (kinky, voyeuristic potential, quite sexy) Orderly line here please, children don't squabble it isn't dignified.
"Honest people don't hide their deeds." Just to appease all you literary genius'.
WTF, I hear you say, well I am very real and have a totally different and very real profile here, I wonder if you might guess who I am, kiss for the lucky winner? In the meantime I will carry on laughing at your naff attempts to charm us women with your pasted prose and pathetic attempts at being masculine. Trying to find a real man is hard enough here, without the complication of also expecting him to be a real Dom, instead of a Dimdom.
Go on through the insults, after a few months here and regular messages asking to share me with your family dog, called a tease because I don't fancy you, abused by strangers, lied too my so called female pals and stalked by depraved saddo's...do you actually think it touches the sides. I have more personality in my little finger than most of you can create in a lifetime.
I know how to love, how to live and most of all..how to be true to myself.
Penuntimately...the most fascinating subject the male bunny boiler. One to continue another time...off to round up the herd, a fine posse of examples.
I am of course totally gorgeous, worth 10 of all of you lot and one of the few truly decent people on here. Now bugger off and clean up your "act". Those who don't fall into my shamed categories, would love to hear from you.
Rant over..... smiles all around.....lovely.
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I have the right to love many people at once and to change my prince often.
Anais Nin
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Oh dear, this profile clearly states that I have another genuine profile and that this is a second profile and just me having a rant.
So why message me and state that I am a fake or a man hater or that I will never find anyone with my attitude. Do you think I care one jot?
Darlings please, do enter into the spirit that was intended.
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All I can say is "oh dear" have never known so many men turned machievellian prince. I think I should pay some attention to my switch side and enjoy a little payback.
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You laugh when some people come into the room and you smile when some people leave it!
Happy Christmas everyone.
WT
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Why is it that unless you stay hard on the trail, hunting a man down like a stalked animal, that they disappear at the first moment you take an online break.
I hear women are in a minority to men, yet you guys seem to seek an easy target. For me I seek a man to lead, a little old fashioned courtship. Not games, but to feel desired. I think so many of you expect us to fall at your feet at the first command.
Desire stems from respect and trust, not a kneel bitch order.
Interesting enough, the small handful of friends, and just that platonic friends, have honoured me with their consideration, respect and concern if I have been absent. You should know who you are, on this and my real profile. I would like to thank you for your warmth and sincerity, the light of your soul shines through.
"Follow me, I am right behind you"
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What can I say, a small selection of reasonable, coherent and really rather sane messages. Hallelujah!!
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Just sent to one of the culprits my profile relates to, who has chosen to grace my in box, yet again!! Doh.
"Don't you realise that part of my profile relates to you, the same copy and pasted message that you send to us all repeatedly. Don't you think you should try another tactic as it obviously isn't working for you. Your message makes you sound sad, quite simply pathetic and I wouldn't be interested in you if you were the last man on earth.
Now leave my in box and go and bug someone else please.
WT " |
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Another joke from a pal.
"A
recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed
about a blow job. 99.9% said “the fxxxxxg 10 minutes silence”. |
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Sent to me by a very nice man who made me smile with this in my in box this morning.
No underwear
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends
over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt
up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?',
Ole demanded. 'Well, you don't give me enough house-
keeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately
reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of
decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on
the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too,
is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake
of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes
her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked
under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer
drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be
able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well,
fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself
up a bit.'
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Oh Lordy, cross continent relationships, why do people in India or the States see my profile as fair game.
Trust is one thing, but blind faith, ......PLEASE!!
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I received a marriage proposal..well virtually today..in an
introductory message. I think my response was rather polite considering.
"You do realise that your message smacks of total desparation and not of your domly presence at all?
How utterly ridiculous to approach someone you don't know with such a message, get a grip man before someone steals your bank balance as well as your pride!"
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Have decided I quite like bottoms, nice to admire, to spank and to kiss. Bi men need not apply.
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Laughing my socks off at the pants pictures here, oh my. Y fronts make great dusters don't you think, next! |
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** WTF, from someone in Australia, do they have waterwings, hundreds of spare airmiles or just far too much time on their hands. Hellooooo, wrong continent lovies.
**
hi
How have you been i may imagine you may get 100's of emails every day and even my email will be in your trash who knows. I would like to say your profile and your honesty and how you have depicted things in your profile have touched me i am no body to you right now and that's completely understandable. but when i say I would love to get to know you from the bottom of my heart i really do mean that and i would love that.your profile is about being honesty and finding that true person that you can give your heart soul mind and then the body at last.
I do understand these are merely words coming out from a stranger or you would think i copy and pasted to all these gals but i haven t their is something about you that i cant point out right now but you are unique in your way and everything i wrote right now is that i mean it and would love to hear from you and do have a look at my profile. and the way you put (if you can't be true to yourself, how do you have a hope of remaining true to me. from your profile)
Regards,
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Now I don't wish to disappoint all you lovely people who have come to enjoy my put downs and caustic wit (hmm). However, today a change of tact.
This touch of shameless honesty has weeded out the men from the boys and you know I have actually enjoyed corresponding with a select few men and women. People who are real, who have invested time and effort in striking up a friendship. Not one based on results, i.e meeting for play, but one based on consideration, respect and I think care.
As I suspected, this site is host to some fabulous minds, acute philosphers and some very decent people. I know similar on my real profile too. People I care about, whom I would put myself out for.
However, the rest of you dribbling idiots, wise up, shape up and lift your game several notches as you are being overtaken by the good guys!
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Name and shame time....what utter drivel!
There are places that hurt, places that are so dark and sinful that
they fall way outside the sphere of conventional bdsm play/playacting
My dear.
Most females dare not venture into such taboo and
socially/legally unacceptable Edens....you suspect where i can lead you
dont you? You're a slut or submummy somewhat sickened but sinfully
fascinated by the idea of seeing your darling offspring as similarly
desirable to an evil depraved powerful Dominant...
Dare you answer me angel?? I sense you from your profile... you could, you'd like to, you can, you .... will....
xxxxxxxJChristophe (mussssssssst talk and you know why xxxxxxxxxx)
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Oh dear lord what a long profile!! Obviously you prefer stamina to
shock and awe? Interesting use of stereotypes, whilst seeking to
establish yourself as unique and special you stereotype anything male
(whether it moves or not)... I wonder whether this is an effective
strategy? Given the male:female ratio on here 'it might just work'! If
you prefer to drop the stereotypes and talk to a Man as an individual
I'd be happy to chat.
How desparate do these guys think we are....
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"well there are some of us that are not spammers or fakes. depending on what you're into maybe we could hook up."
What prat send this to a self confessed fake profile?? Dearie me.
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"Well since you use the word dimdom youre obviously that teacher that fancies herself a bit"
WRONG....oh dear, did she reject you too!!
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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
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Q: Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A: Because so many men wouldn't know what to do with a real one
and
Q: Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A: Because they are saving the real ones for a real man.
Thanks to the contributor..you know who you are, keep them coming!
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Now an interesting game, three friends know who I am. So if my secret gets out.......I will cut their knackers off!! |
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Q- Why do so many women fake orgasms?
A- Because so many men fake foreplay.
Today's contribution from a rather fine dandy.
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Oh this is so cathartic, strangely it seems to have attracted more sincere responses than my well written, straight from the heart real profile......strategy my dears..is everything! |
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Come on girls, help me make this a profile to be proud of. Any suggestions will be gratefully received!
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| Age: 19 |
| Los Angeles,
California |
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