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| i am a submissive-slave looking for a Strict but Loving Master for online or real life. He must be honest, trustworthy, and willing to communicate at every chance. i seek a Master who will accept and cherish and love me for who and what i am, even though i can get moody or impulsive. i have been and am suffering from a broken heart these days, but am willing to re-build the spirit of the submission that is deep in me. With the right One.
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i have searched deep within myself for the lasy 8 years since my Master died. i have re-assessed my needs and wants and found that i have changed in my attitudes, my desires, my ways of dealing with sitations and Masters.
After being mistreated 30 years ago, i felt the need to leave the life of submission behind: i just could not see or feel that i could submit to the same level as i did with Him. i no longer crave the same level of pain and submission that i had inside me. i felt i would fail --- and do it so badly i would feel the impact of my soul splatter to the deepest part of the ocean and drown.
then i began to think: i mean... really really think. is my submission soley judged by how much i can give and take the pain and torment and servitude to a Master without being able to express, fee, think, or even dream of my own wants and pleasure? have i sank so low in my self-esteem that just like 30 years ago, i have reduced myself to just be property and not a person?
as predicted, i rebelled. i protested, i hysterically laughed at every Dominant's attitude and walked away. i mean-- i RAN as fast as my two limping feet could take me. Then i sat on the water's edge of the beach and thought... dreamt... re-assessed. And so, here i am once more. Ready to start again, but this time, will only give to that ONE right Master... wherever He may be... all that i can give, without being reduced to making myself a doormat.
my last Master--bless His soul --- took me from the state of non-persona to the best that i could be. He led me to realize: my submission didnt mean i had to be lobotomized. it is how i showed Him my joy in serving that made me the best i could be. it wasnt the humiliation and pain that Hewanted from me: He wanted me--- just as i am.
Now, as i start again after 8 years, i will forget the comparisons... but remember the lessons. For the 5 years i sepnt devoted to Him brought out the best in me...spiritually, emotionally, mentally. i love being submissive. i crave to be submissive. i am meant to be submissive. i no longer want to run from ior fight it: i just need to embrace it with that One. Whoever He may be.
salud
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