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Beautiful chilly spring mornings...... |
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Imagine wearing a snug corset for 11 hours everyday??!! |
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I had the oddest experience today with sensory depravation: house hold cleaning gloves. I could not feel hot from cold or metal from glass. I aroused myself by doing more tasks with the gloves focusing on all the textures I was missing out on and how detailed they'd feel.....kink in every day life. |
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I'm still around on CM and recently un-collared/un-owned. I enjoy Yahoo chat. |
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I love to see a real man. No fancy man bags or false smiles. He maybe looks gruff or sometimes has a hard look about him. You know the one....he has on a suit but he's carrying a duffel bag or he has on boots with scuffs on them. He'll tap them together to get the dirty off if you invite him over. The man that you feel looking at you before you see him. He's a John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and Rhett Butler (GWTW) sort of man that makes a women feel like a women. I notice them in the crowd even when I'm not their type and those burning looks aren't focused on me. They are out there looking for a sub(I think anyway) even if they don't know it. |
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Is it crazy to Lust after real vampires? If it's wrong I don't want to be right!!!! |
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I've realized I am a people watcher! I love to watch the interplay between people in most situation. Not reality tv but in line at a restutant or grocery. I also wonder how many are watching me while I watch them....it is it's own kink, I guess. |
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Is anyone going to the Body Art Expo this weekend?? Want to hang out? |
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I'm excited!! I'm in Dallas and headed for Sanctuary!! |
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I am single. My bf broke up with me because bdsm is disgusting. I changed my profile but for those that need more detail. |
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Okay, so no takers in Houston. I'll broaden my search.
Do you travel to Houston often?2 or 3 times a month? Disease, Drug and Drama free? Plus all the stuff from my previous journal entry? Then please feel free to send me a message. |
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Okay!
Are u a Dom/Top/not crazy ass straight man? Do u like and appreciate a thick blk submissive women? Are u in the Houston area? Are u looking for a part time sub or play partner?Are u okay with the fact that she's new and not a pain slut? Are you okay with HARD limits?If you answered Yes to all these question: Then send me a message.
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I'm not as angry and not as sad.....some patience, play and a violet wand helped my outlook. I hope everything is good in your world too! I'm gearing up for a trip to Dallas. |
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This is sort of a question I've been milling over for a while.....what if I'm not just submissive. Heck, what if I'm not submissive at all....what if I'm a masochist. Not a beat me until your arm falls off Heavy Bottom as I've heard it put. What if I like a good, kind dose of pain with my coffee in the morning, but hold the coffee.
What does that mean for my play from this point on out, or my vanilla life? Is this new or is this who I have always been? Can I or Should I turn it off?
I'm a little bit frightened at my own desires but further down the rabbit hole I go...I can't turn back without answers. |
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Have you every been clinicly fucked???
I meet a Phd and expressed my interest and talent in cock sucking.
He actually asked me to open wide and shined a light in to get a good look. And all I was expecting was a cock in my throat but I got a lesson is hard and soft palates. I guess being smart isn't everything. |
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Long days and longer nights......night night |
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I've experienced so far:
Tigerclaw
Foam bat
Flogger
Bare Hand Spanking
Dog Ears
Rope Bondage
Verbal Degradation(mild)
Hair Pulling
Violet Wand
............I still have quite a few Cherries though.
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I've been reckless and out of control all week. I get up at 5 am for work and stay out and drink until 10 pm. Im tired and crank and bratty. I need someone to offer consistancy I think. I've been using this week as a trial run of possibilites with no guidance. It sucked! |
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Yesterday wasn't a good day. For some submissives they find themselves in there submission, I find myself in pleasing another. After spending time with people that are never satisfied I start to feel less and less worthy. I start to feel less than the rest of the world. At that point it doesn't matter that you think I'm pretty or that I have a phat ass....I just want to be spanked and put to bed. |
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I woke up from my own nightmare wondering how my mind thinks up this shit.
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Can I research myself to ecstasy? If I read one more book!!!!!!!argh |
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I wonder what it's like for those subs with a rigid home life? To be punished and disclpined? To submit in a open way to a trusted Dom in a safe environment? I'm sure it is harder to sustain than i've made it sound but sometimes I need to feel special. Instead of weird. |
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So yesterday was monumental!!!!!!!
I got my vanilla boyfriend to attend a local bdsm munch. Nothing crazy. Just a bar at noon with a bunch of people talking "lifestyle". He had a panic attack on the way home. He was tolerating my intrest but seems to actually detest the idea of being my Dom. With all that in mind I took the opportunity to attend my first party. There were highs and lows. My horizons have been broadened and my experience is no longer zero. A round of applause please: I got my first Spanking. It was nice.....soon after I caught myself thinking that my ass wasn't warm any more and that I'd like another. Of course I still haven't settled anything with my bf. He asked how I felt about it all(party,munch,bdsm...etc.) and...... I lied. Sorry. Just the look of relief on his face was enough to make me really want to not like it. But here I am again on a lifestyle website. I was hoping to bring him in enough to top me sometimes or feel involved. Now I'm a precarious position. |
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For me submission is a big part of being at peace. I am a people pleaser by nature. My biggest issue in vanilla life is the other people not knowing what they want or not being able to take pleasure in it once they get it. I like individuals that stand up and say " I want, I'd like or even do this" I'm not a dumb girl but if I don't know you well enough to guess right( your not a family member) then there's a large chance you'll get what I would want if I was you. WRONG
or I ASK. You respond with a vauge answer that makes me fill in some blanks or in the case of women change your mind several times.....then I get the kinks worked out and present you with your request or damn close to it and I don't even get a thank you or a second look. The pleaser in me needs to see the happiness,desire,surprise or even joy on your face when I've done well. But alas I am left wanting. Which in turn makes me feel like I've failed : Now I need to work harder to please someone that's not even sure what they want. It really doesn't have to be this complicated!!! |
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