|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay, as the nic states welcome to my world. i know, i know, i am going to get the responses -- "you are not a real submissive". But i needed a public forum to air out the unsettling feeling i am getting in the pit of my stomach.
1st off - yes i am a big girl. Does that make me any less human? Any less immune to meanness and cruelty? Desensitized to being judged so harshly? We are all human beings, put on this planet for one reason - to try to make this a better world. But it is hard when you have the ugliness of Dominates who think that they have a right to use you, to deflate your value, etc.. Where is it written that a fat girl can be used, but never cared about? That a fat girl can be abused - yes abused - but never loved? That her value is less then that of a svelte submissive. The real kicker, is that i have found myself faking orgasms, being positive to Dominates because i did not want to hurt them, did not want to deflate their ego. Why? Why can't i be harsh like they are? Why can i be uncaring? Why can't i say to a Dominate, after the 10th time of faking an orgasm to please him, okay enough already! LOL.
With that being said i know physical attraction is important. i know men are visual critters. But i have found in my life - having been both thin and fat - that the sexiest people i know were the ones who maybe didn't attract me at 1st, but the ones who i took the time to know and they blew my world! The mind being the beauty center for most humans - at least the most erogenous zone on my body, if not others.
Now with that being said, i must acknowledge that i am responsible for my own self-esteem. But man! When time after time i am confronted with uncaring, ugly Dominates it is hard not to turn a cruel eye to myself and say i am not worthy apparently. If only i was thinner, if only i was prettier, then maybe i could be of value to this or that Dominate.
This life choice is about honesty. Which is sorely lacking, at least in the Houston community i have found. We should revel in our differences, yet we seem to tear each other down instead. Let's face it we were all misfits in real life, so we went searching for something that we connected with that defined us. Yet when we find it we become the same world we hated. LOL...am i the only one who sees the pathetic nature of all this? Power truly does corrupt, especially when you give it to Dominates who have clay feet.
i am sorry, i am bashing Dominates. But you know, if the above does not apply to you i am sorry your brethren have done this. i am culpable in that i have held out hope in finding the real people into BDSM; that somehow/somewhere there was a real group out there who wanted to truly know this life, not use it, and hurt people.
Okay so those of you who do not want to ring my neck, thank you for listening. For those of you who do - take the hint, there is a reason you are so fired up by the idle words of a submissive.
|
|
|
|
|
It was offered up today that i was as dishonest as the "community" i disparage because i faked orgasms. i think that is a very good point. While no dishonesty is acceptable, i do think that there are times when the brutal truth does not need to happen, to what end would it serve? How crushing must that be to be told or to see you can not bring a person to orgasm? At least in my book. And as i think about it we all must have that very precious truth we guard because it is so deeply felt for us that we guard everyone else from that pain too. If that makes any sense. Anyway, i think the dishonesty is a good point. But i do not back down from my edification of the experiences i have had in Houston. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 24 |
| Middlesex,
United Kingdom |
|
|
|
|
