Well, things with my neighbor progressed. I have money missing, things are broken in the yard, all my larger tools are gone and many of the smaller ones. Maybe my drill. Not sure, as the house has been further trashed and thrashed.

Then, he came over and started threatening my nephew's girlfriend and threatened to kill my nephew if he came to do anything about it.  I was gone at that point, doing something that couldn't be done at that house.

So, I called the cops. Not because I expected them to do anything about it, but, because, I knew that letting him know that I called the cops would dissuade him from coming back into the yard. He already has quite a record, apparently.

Found out he - the great pot smoker that he is - called the cops on the neighbors to the other side of me, as well, for growing pot. It so happens he started screwing with me right after his girlfriend tried to open up to me about their troubles and had told me the only reason she hasn't left him is that she has no one to help with their kids while she's at work. Then, she goes and makes friends with the lady on the other side of me, and he starts trying to talk me into calling the cops on her and then, when I wouldn't, he does it himself.

What a scumbag!

Right now, my big concern is that the place is now uber thrashed, I am ill, and I have very few garbage bags, no rake, no hoe, no push broom, no pruning shears, etc. Grrr!

(sigh) I just want a normal life. A normal life, to me, is not one with people hiding in the basement, putting on weird garments, poking each other with sticks, and doing things that they are afraid other people will find out about.

A normal life is not one where people never wear weird garments and never poke each other with sticks, either.

A normal life is where someone is in charge, and they are really in charge - as in they are at least trying to discipline themselves, the rules of the house support their needs first and then make concession to the needs of others in the house.

And, where others are not in charge, but are in submissive to the rules and needs of the person who is in charge.Then, of course, their needs are also addressed, but, as part of their needs are to serve, some of that is addressed by their being allowed to submit in the first place.

Here is what you do not understand, still: Psychologically dominant people all need to serve.. 

Eh, what?  You heard me.

Psychologically dominant people all need to serve. 

Think about it. What do they look for? Someone who they can lead, who wants to be lead. That is them serving the needs of the person being led. It's not enough to simply be obeyed or to use people. They need to be taken from, as well as given to. Their primary need is to serve, as a leader.

Psychologically submissive people primarily need to be served. That's why they are in the position of being owned. Trust me, it makes sense. 

Why?

Because, the person who is owned is the one that gets the most attention in the relationship. They are the one that gets examined, checked upon, considered at every turn, taught how to be what they need to be to serve, etc. Almost everything is about them and almost all the real effort is from the dominant.

Now, of course, when it is more balanced, it is because two psychologically dominant people or two psychologically submissive people are involved. Then, they can both serve each other or both be selfish, together, and be happy. The former is more loving and sweet, the other more wild and uninhibited, but, they are both so much better.

If two psychologically dominant people are involved, it ultimately doesn't matter who is serving and who is being served. You know why? There is no real ego problem. They are both mostly interested in that the balance is maintained and things get done. They can switch out, by situation or agree to never switch, and it all works out beautifully. Because ..

Psychologically dominant people are the ones with the broader, less selfish, more "What is best for all" viewpoint. They are the natural born leaders, and leaders cannot afford to be selfish first or foremost. To lead, you have to constantly think about the needs of others. And, then, you order them about, and they can trust you that you have considered what is best. And, they can say "Excuse me, but, perhaps you were not aware of ..." and you can listen, and adjust your thinking, and still be in charge, and it is a concession to the ones you own, not a topping from the bottom by them. 
It's a beautiful thing. 

I am very frustrated, because, I am psychologically dominant and I cannot find a good slave to serve. They all want to  take from me, but, they do not want to allow me to give to them. They do not want to be led, just used. It is considered some perversion that I wish to consider their needs as well as my own. I want a family, comprised of slave and owner of slave, and they want selfish autonomy wherein I act as a whipping machine to assuage their guilt for whatever excess they have committed.

I'm tired of that.  So tired!  Life is more satisfying without a slave , than with a false one. 

So, be real or be gone. 

If you want me to be selfish, it's not like I cannot be; but, then, to make it work,t hat means I have to actually demand things that will make my life better. You don't get to choose what you think I need. You either give me the opportunity to lead and choose what I think you need, and allow me to put limits to both sides of what you will do for me, or you ask me to play games and be selfish, just for fun. In which case, I will tell you the limits of the play, and what I need in return, based on what you can give.

That is how I serve. How do you? Or, have you really ever done?

If you tell me that you'll serve me if I accept you, and I tell you "Move to Tucson, then" and you question me, afterward, it is not good. I'm not doubting your word, until you begin to doubt mine.

The main thing a slave needs to be is willing to serve. You tell me that you are willing to serve, and you make no conditions. That's fine. Get here and begin serving. Or, stop offering. End of story.

Now, want to hear the nice version of that same basic message, below? Babies, you need to understand something. Most people are psychologically submissive.

Psychologically submissive people tend to be more greedy, grasping, more about self, because they live more in fear. Most people who play the role of dominants within BDSM are psychologically submissive and too afraid to submit to the will of another. Yet, once they own you, you, also being psychologically submissive, tend to push their buttons, twist them around, make them beg  or make them howl in rage, and it becomes a very nasty, ugly experience.

Most of you think it needs to be a very nasty, ugly experience, because, most people you meet that you think are truly dominant , couldn't dominate their way into receiving a free sample in a grocery store. The only time they can dominate is when they fly into a rage and make you actually fearful for your life and safety. This sends you the wrong message that dominance is all about cruelty and insanity.

However, psychologically dominant people are exceedingly unlikely to fly into a rage or have their buttons pushed by you, because they fear little and you are only worth something to them if you build a rapport with them on a friendly level or if you have, for offer, something they actually need. They are scary that way. It won't kill you. It will simply make you feel unwanted, because you are, because you have failed to be what they need you to be. It's hard to understand, but, once experienced, it is very desirable.

The thing is, you can't experience it, not much anyway, by acting like a brat, demanding to be torn down, or making up arbitrary bullshite "hard limits' , such as how you must be queened by them. You can really only experience it through actual submission and honest communication.

Now, I know you need someone to "capture" you, to "make" you submit. The thing is, for it to be a real dominant person, instead of one just playing the role, you need to do something frightening. You need to give them the opportunity.They will not sweep in and demand it. They need you to prove you are willing. 

Only then, when you have once humbled yourself, may they find a way to catch hold of you and keep you. 

So, be truthful and bold, be decisive, face your fears and submit. Don't wait for them to force you to submit, because, they already are doing so, by refusing to consider you until you prove yourself. 

Here's something that's been happening a lot more on this site (and off it) lately: Dominants squeezing up to other dominants, and making agreements for one to serve the other, with concessions from the one being served to allow for the needs and freedoms of the other.

You know why?Because most of you alleged s-types are worthless pieces of meat, waiting to be used; wallet-raping slags; selfish little bitches out to get your own kicks. You don't do anything for the other person, so, why would they want to own you.

Don't you get it, babies: flesh is nothing but a tool by which one experiences the joys that stem from the mind. You put flesh first, and that's just vanilla kink. BDSM is almost 100 percent about the mind and the desire to be oneself. 

Not only are you not yourself, but, you try to keep others from being themselves as well. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of wallet-raping whores that claim to be dominant, but, are really psychologically submissive wastes of space, just like you. They, if you ever get off your arse and pay them, will be glad to use your flesh and let you use theirs. Or, you know, maybe they'll pay you to use your flesh, instead.

I don't have room in my life for your lame arsed crap. So, yes, I would certainly consider serving someone I could respect, who respected the whole person I am; since I can't find anyone to serve me, who will respect the whole person I am. If that doesn't happen, babies, then it is not service. It's just you attempting to use me through bullshite manipulations. I'd prefer to serve in truth than to be served as a lie

Read this in someone's journal entry, today:" Can anyone point me in the right direction of a Real bdsm site?

This site isnt about BDSM, seems like it's full of young stupids begging for money..and they have the cheek to call themselves Dommes..sick puppys aye..bless 'em"

That's right, bitches: I read journal entries. Just further proof of my inability to dominant and of my lack of being real. IF I was real and I was dominant, I would, of course, simply offer to steal all the money out of your wallet, spit in your mouth, and kick you down the stairs!

Note to self: Move to a place with stairs! 

(grin)

Anyway ... 

I think it's a great, fun thing he said. Also assume he is a fairly honest person, who really is what he appears to be, because he doesn't just wear leather to appear dominant, and, he posted a photo of his motorbike. lol  I know some of you won't understand what that means, but, all of you should, so if you don't, go to MCN Motorcycle News, not the motorbike forum which is run by a completely mad bitch, and read the forums until you get it sorted.

http://youtu.be/ZWyyqH7Fiks <-- A very pretty song. It's related to the whole subject, but, I am not going to tell you how, as, of course, it is necessary to cultivate an air of mystery, if one wishes to beguile men. That way, they won't be sure if you'll be kicking them down the stairs, with their wallet firmly clutched in your greedy grasp, until it is too late to defend themselves!

And, now, here's more pretties for you:

Because, it is important to have prettiness in one's life. Now, I know that this blazer is not awe inspiringly gorgeous to the site, but, imagine it on a well-shaped woman who is wearing, also, tight lace-up leather pants, a cotton v-neck men's t-shirt, black leather high tops, and just enough weird necklaces, earrings, and smeary black eyeliner to steer it by! Also, keep in mind that it is velvet and, so, not just an ordinary blazer. Bow to it. You know you want to!

Black Plaid Velvet Boots. If you don't understand that these are pretty, or why they are cool, then I just don't want to know you. 

Lastly, three images entitled "Gypsy Women", 1 of which is a painting and, therefore of a thing, and the other two not being of things, but, having things in them that contribute to the prettiness of the women.:

I read something on a profile that may clear things up for you. Instead of not sexual, there will be no sex, etc. it said "not directly sexual". 

You know, people can be turned on by most anything. I am not about to play "lust Gestapo", searching out and destroying all urges you may have. I am not going to say "Oh, we can never do that again.' because you get a chubby.

The point is, I don't want to stroke your cock, put anything up your ass, have your mouth touch any part of me that it would be illegal for me to show in most public situations.

If there is spanking, caging, caning, cropping, massaging, grooming, disciplining, etc. and you happen to get turned on by it, keep it to yourself. Consider that part of your discipline, because, if you seek out lustful situations regarding me, if you direct your lustful thoughts or talk toward me in a way that makes me uncomfortable, you will be punished and you might just be dismissed. 

All you have to do is keep it to yourself or direct it toward someone else if it happens, and exhibit enough self control and respect for the both of us to TRY not to let it happen.

Let's look at pretty things!

(sigh)

It will be interesting to see how this turns out, once I have verified. Right now, it is huge! Very pretty, too!

This was on a site that mentioned fashion fraud. I like both of them, but, I like the left one best.

Wish I could show you the other pictures of this dress. It's so bright and colorful, and, yet, not at all garish. Almost $1,000. Worth it? I suppose that depends on how many costume balls one wishes to attend while dressed as a peacock. Can't imagine much other use for it. It's not exactly lounge wear.

Nice, yes?

No, I did not make this print. Would love to have it on a wall, somewhere, though. Well, something a lot like it, really big, as a mural.

Now, we are done. 

"What does this have to do with BDSM?",you ask. 

"It is life.", I reply.

Now, to see if I can make my profile more succinct, so that people will actually read it. Here, below, is the long version it used to be:

EVERYTHING you need to know, to make a decision is on my profile. Read what I am looking for. If you are available to start very soon and you suit my needs, get in touch through sending me a message. DO NOT send me a chat or friend request, tell me your email address or phone number or in any other way attempt to lead.

The things under Hard Limits are things that will not be a part of my life, If they are a part of yours, then, that is your problem. If you engage in them, it will be away from me and off of my property. The general tone of our living arrangement will be with you being used as a tool, but, the whole person will still be considered and I may allow freedoms, reward, show kindness, allow conversation. It depends on mood. I like slaves that act more like friendly servants, within the bounds of protocols and house rules, with the understanding that orders to the contrary will be followed, as needed.

I need a roommate slave (or more than one, with at least handyman skills, a truck, and enough income  to pay at least 1/3 of all bills related to the house, plus 1/2 of the groceries for the meals we will share together. Approximately $500 total.

Payment of $500 will be required at the beginning of time of service and each month on the same day, thereafter. If the cost is greater than that, the slave will be informed and expected to pay further. If it is less, than the excess will be applied to the payment for the next month, unless the slave gifts the remainder to me or elects to use it toward the household in some other fashion. The slave pays for everything related to his own maintenance or the maintenance of his vehicle, etc. I pay the slave nothing, at any time, for any reason.

The photo is not of the house. It's just a photo. 

Exception to the payment rule is that if slaves are on public assistance and this is part of why they are seeking to be a roommate, then, of course, they will have food stamps for groceries and we will shop together and spend fairly equal amounts toward the house on each trip to the store. 

If there is a desire for fetish play that requires equipment, which I wish to take place in, or some other desire of the slave to give gifts, I will accept more but I will not accept less.

We will be moving into a house that is badly in need of cleaning and some repair. It is functional enough to live in, and with the help of the slave, I shall make it better than that. I am very interested in Mother Earth News, recycling, dumpster diving, FreeCycle, thrift stores, DIY, to make a house a unique home that reflects its owners personality.

We will be collecting free materials, including wooden pallets if we can get them, to decorate the yard, insulate the house, build a better porch, make rugs, etc. There will also be, if possible, the converting of the house to solar power, in part or in whole.

Most meals will be predominantly vegetables and grains. I am not vegan, at least not yet, but, I am leaning heavily toward that style of eating, most days,  for the betterment of my health, the loss of fat, and because I happen to enjoy it.  This is more of a goal I am working toward, at this point, than an established part of my lifestyle.

I am, at this point in my life, a very casual person, leading a very casual lifestyle. I am quiet in style of  living, but, weird. Mostly, I do not wear makeup and I am much more likely to be hairy-legged and wearing shorts or sweatpants and t-shirt or tank top, braless, than a fancy dress. Though, if I had the money and transportation, I would probably be wearing more silk, wool, leather and getting professionally waxed and wearing very good quality makeup. I write, and I need the sort of changes to my life that enhance my ability to write, paint, and do other forms of artwork.

There are house rules and schedules which must be followed, and you must be agreeable to receiving punishment for failure to follow them - but, I have no interest in a slave who will act out in hopes of being punished.

No drugs, no drinking, no smoking of anything anywhere near the house. 

My adult son lives with me and will have the small bedroom. He does smoke, but is being encouraged not to. He is aware that I have owned slaves in the past and may, again, in the future.

I will have the large bedroom. You will have a dog bed or sleep on the floor. You will not use the furniture, without express permission (such as if and when you are allowed to have family or friends visit). 

Your primary purpose will be to gather materials and put them to use in fixing the house and maintaining the yard, repairs, remodeling, landscaping, decorating and general house maintenance with a lesser emphasis on housework (you will help with cooking and cleaning, as needed). There may be other duties, depending on need and what we build together.

 Your sex life is your own lookout. If you wish to be kept in chastity, I will hold the key, with or without some form of demanding payment before you receive it back to you (or to keep it, for that matter), but, I will not put the device on you, take it off of you, or in any other way be physically involved.

Sex with submissive men is for weak, frightened women who cannot handle a real, dominant man. I am only interested in strong, real men for that purpose. Who those men are, how interested, or what I will do about it is my business, not yours.

I have no specific "fetishes" in mind, but, am focusing on discipline, rules and protocols. If you are into non-penetrative "fetishes" that do not involve genitalia or the anal region,or anything on my hard limits list, I will consider incorporating it into our lifestyle. I am not, however, into extremes. Humiliation is fine, when it is about putting someone in their place who is actually flouting rules, but, I do not just randomly insult people and I do not get involved in things such as licking toilets, or anything that or more extreme. Thank you for understanding.

Anyone who contacts me in such a way that I cannot tell they are responding to this specific need for a slave, will have their message marked as spam and deleted, and they will be blocked. My time is too valuable to waste.

You have one chance to send me a message and convince me that you read and understood this,, and to ask for special concessions; one day to make yourself available for a meeting (which will be used to test you as well as to show you the house and see how we click in general), one day to think it over (a full day after our meeting); and one day to begin service. There are no second chances for any of this. 

If you write b.s. messages at me, like below, I'll report you for threatening me and then mark the message as spam and delete it.

If you are going to make lame arsed accusations, do some research first.  If you did research, you'd realize that I am a person who has consistently represented herself as the same person, using photos of obviously the same woman, looking for more or less the same thing from the same type of people, for years. And, that's all it proves.

So, before you hide behind your lack of profile and report me for being a genuinely truthful person, who knows what they want, you had better check yourself!  

If I was doing something wrong, I'd hide my profile and send nasty messages to strangers, use other people's photos, lie about my weight, and /or consent to use people in ways that are not good for them in order to get their money. I have a record, thanks to the lack of cleaning up this site gets, that proves I am not that kind of person. Do you?