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why is it that men / Dom's just expect you to know the rules without telling you like there is some handbook ... but no female /sub ever got it ... only trying to be honest of past life scars that still burden me and are still so raw they burn.... just so not fair |
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it was recently pointed out to me that my journal reads as though i jump from relationship to relationship... but then again dont we all just depends on how long the gaps are in between... i just dont journal on here when i am in a happy relationship.... for that matter i am never on colarme if i am in a happy relationship ... no thing bad towards the Dom that pointed this out ... it just made me think... so there it is |
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and so the clock ticks on ... i have not updated my journal in qoute some time .. and things have changed drasically ... at some point in oct i met and started spending time with a Dom that also plays in the SCA as i do ... we have volumes in common but yet enough differences to keep things interesting and as of now i am formally collared .. i have never felt more complete or safe or happy in my life ... and i close my eyes and thank the Goddess and look to the future
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ok everyone here is my latest rant
i have recently been looking for a female to dominate me
and guess what the chicks are worse than the guys
they don't get back to you and when they do they give you the run around for days
so why are you emailing me if you have no intention of contacting me later
NO WONDER YOU GUYS ARE SO FUSTRATED
THIS SUCKS
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well life has definately taken a turn for the better i have met ... spent time with ... and now owned by the most amazing Sadistic Alpha Male ... he insists he is not a Dom ... but he is definateley Dominant... i am helpless to obey Him and he has taken all my limits away ... this is amazing to me ... i have never felt anything like this in my life
i feel free and safe
so i start down another path and knowing at the same timne that without a doubt my previous paths have lead me to Him
so i will close my eyes and bow my head and say a prayer .... for what the future just might hold instore for me
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really tired of guys whining about fakes and then they don't even give you a chance cause you might not be a perfect fit trouble is most people are looking for a tailored made fit mate and this is an off the rack world .... or they just can't respond at all
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my life is in limbo at the moment ... living alone again and someone has poisoned my cats and killed at least 2 of them life sucks no make that 3 of my cats
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just wanted to update and say my life has never been better ... my Lord is amazing i respect Him in a way i have no other and i listen to Him which is amazing to me ... i can be very difficult ... He completes me ...
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ok everybody just back from my 2 weeks vacation at gulf wars .... if You are SCA you will know what i am talking about ... if not it doesnt really matter but to make a long story short
i met a wonderful Dom / Alpha male whom i believe with all my heart and soul to be my one true Alpha Male and soul mate He goes by the name of Diolach
it didn't take long for me to submit to him totally and give my heart to him completely ... and i have never felt so safe and i finally feel as though i am home
so i start this path once more and now more than ever i hope that it takes me to the end of my days
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ok just a short update ... doesn't matter if they contact you or you contact them they all dissapear ... why even bother what's the point ... i really don't know anymore
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ok next in the long line if entries about idiots on this site ...a supposed Dom contacted me
and initiated chat .. and this sounds familiar asks me if i have a web cam ... no i don t ... don't like them basically he then said see ya which kinda pissed me off basically saying he had had bad experiences ... well me too
but because i wouldn't cower to him he threatened to report me to collarme for what calling him an ass ...whine much and then he threatened to make my life a living hell and threatened my computer files ... i am shaking in my boots
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i have been holding off making this entry but alas the time has come one of the Dom's i spoke of in an earlier entry ... that i said i would like to see where the path might lead .... guess what big dead end and i truley don't want to ditz him in any way but it was like after we were texting on a daily basis and talking on the phone .. oh i have a girlfriend but she's not in the lifestyle and she's out of state and i don't know when she's coming back and he kinda pushed really hard to break down walls i had up then oh she's on her way back ... and oh by the way i am getting married ... then why did you take me as a sub and last but not least promised he would not disappear as a friend and guess what haven't heard from him in weeks .....WOULD SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME PLEASE
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time for the newest bitch was contacted by a Dom lets call him SirAndrew for nothing better to call him saying something to the effect of would i be interested in starting an online relationship with the possibility of something more his profile was to say the least lacking and he lives in new york but i responded saying something to the effect of anything is possible and gave him my yahoo info within a few minutes i had a messenger invite and in the mean time i am having to deal with my credit card company on the phone and my cat in front of the computer screen not to mention that i had worked all night and was tired so anyway after a few informalties he asks if i have a web cam and i respond no i don't like them i actually thought i had missed typed and put you instead of them but i realized after removing my cat from my desk that he had responded to my not liking web cams by saying that he didn't like me and bye ...CAN WE SAY WHAT AN ASSHOLE just when i think i have seen it all another one tops the bunch
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ok time for an update just when i was about ready to say to hell with it i have had in interesting turn of events i was just viewing profiles ussually only look at ones with pics but anyway i believe it was the next day one of them contacted me noticing that i had viewed His profile and We/we have been in contact eversince although i feel as though i am in familiar waters and frankly scares the shit out of me, coupled with the fact my divorce is still in the works but reluctantly i have to say i feel this has alot of potential and i am already more attached than i really would like to be but He is patient and firm which i need i know i can be a handful and push the boundries on purpose so time will tell where this path leads i am on punishment tonight ... no phone call for being difficult last night and as much as i hate the fact i won't get to hear His voice because i do love the sound of it i am content in the decipline he has set forth and feel cared for
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ok here goes the rant i am sick of Dom's putting the cart before the horse i am not looking for a relationship at least not a serious one not yet... basically just some correspondence on a regular basis and then some phone conversations and maybe eventually some companionship and we'll see what happens i mean geez my divorce isn't even final yet so.. i had a few emails with a Dom and we decided to take it to the phone and i don't think we had been on the phone much longer than 6-7 min when he asked, no not even asked it was more like a statement ..." so you're willing to relocate" ahh no i am not and when i made as much clear ... politely of course guess what he had to go ... big surprise could we see if we are even compatable or even like each other first...so there it is .... there's the rant
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i am kind of discusted at this point Dom's start a dialogue and establish not sure ... at least the start of a so called friendship and then just disapear although i don't really know why i am the least bit surprised ..pretty typical
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too much ground to cover at this point the last relationship of which i spoke did indeed fall apart right around our 1 year anniversary. i soon rebounded into a new relationship with a Dom whom i thought to be my soulmate and we got married ...big mistake now close to 2 years later i am looking at another divorce of which i have to pay for. i am not a gold digger i can take care of myself but my partner needs to do the same. nough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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well i am back ... reactivated my profile this relationship that i moved to mobile for is well on shakey ground at best ... he was separated from his wife when we started seeing eachother ... about 6 months well we are fast approaching our 1 year anniversary and he still hasn't been to see a lawyer
if i bring it up or the possibilty of a permaant commitment we fight we've agreed to give it til april when the lease is up
just really fustrated and tired of feeling bad |
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packing to move to mobile alabama my relationship is going well and my instincts were right his freak side is definately becoming more Dominant as is he... can't wait til we are under the same roof i just hate the packing |
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my new relationship is steadily getting more
serious i melt when i look into his eyes
and i am slowly trying to open more doors into the lifestyle and so far it is progressing nicely
i am definatley happy
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alas it is a new year and shall we say santa has been very good to me
yes there is someone new in my life who shares my love of the sca unfortunately he is not of the life style but i feel has great potential that has just never been nurtured i still welcome correspondence and would love to chat with anyone
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well i have resolved my issues at least for the time being but shall we say my gaurd is up again
not really sure what my feelings are at present
or wear my head is at |
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i implore to anyone that reads my profile i am on hiatus so unless we have already established comunication do not contact me i do not want to pull my profile but at this point i feel so disalutioned and betrayed i can not correspond with anyone... please be respectful until i am ready ... thank you all |
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well it's been a while and i am over due to update i was recently contacted by a Dom that is in new orleans as a relief worker for katrina from tenn. after emails IM 's and a few phone calls We/we finally got to meet lets say this was so different from the last Dom i met on collarme
extremely attractive smart funny and my favorite thing a sadist and We / we clicked right
away so to make a long story short i am collared for the duration of His stay here in new orleans and with the agreement that the lines of communication would be left open after that
so needless to say my faith has been restored |
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i wanted to take the time to thank everyone for all the emails voicing concern in the aftermath of katrina
i did get to go home today to survey the damage and quite unbelievably other than
some water in the garage the was none
a tree limb gently leaning against the roof with no apparent damage
thank you all and blessed be
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i haven't made an entry in a while been talking to a few really nice Doms ... all quite far away but i like talking with new people
pretty much just coasting right now |
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for now the sheeps and the wolves have taken a hiatus although i have been very disheartened for the Dom that i mentioned in my earlier entries has chosen not to correspond with me any more he says it is due to too much drama and everyone in his life talking to his ex ... like this was my fault .... although his explaination was very vague to say the least i admit it was no great fated match but i did like him and it hurts that he doesn't even want to correspond as friends
i didn't think that one could have too many friends but i guess i was wrong and he was very rude and hurtful i guess i should stop taking people at face value cause they pretty much always prove me wrong ... but i hate to be so sinical... but at least i got to see Motley Crue |
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the sheep / wolves seem to persist in my life
it seem very apparent to me that people who constantly manipulate and lie to people
ecspect the same from others ... more to the point they think that there is no other way to behave maybe beacause they simply can't behave any other way themselves
i am straight forward and do not lie about my past and my present
i do not keep secrets or play games i don't bevieve in them ... i cannot change the actions of others i meet more and more liars along the path .. but i am not one of them... there are no brokendreams in my life |
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exhausted from the drama over the weekend i shall make one statement beware of wolves in sheeps clothing like the trusting fool that i am i took somebody at face value believed them to be what they represented themselves to be...
and no i am not speaking of the Dom that i have been speaking to but of a supposed unhappy and disheartened sub that contacted me for advise which surprise turned out to be a Dome and his ex so beware of the wolves that come to you as sheep ... but in the end all sheep go to slaughter |
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the unpacking and settling in goes slow ... still a disaster but the cats seem to like it here and it's the night before i get to finnally meet the Dom that i have been talking with ... He is taking me to see Motley crue the only bad part is i have to drive almost six hours ah well such if life |
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lots of changes lately moved to a great new house dispossed of a r/t Master who turned out to be a collector and has now lost all my respect and trust ... whom will never touch be again
and am currantly conversing with and becoming very close to Dom from shrievsport
La. ... not too far from me
counting the days until we can play and i am allowed to submit |
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