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Hmmmm............ do you think it was a hoax? I guess its possible. Goddess are you there? |
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Hanging on by a thread. Where has she gone? Was it all a game or has something more serious occurred. I am still honoring her command and hoping daily she reappears with advice and wisdom to lift my spirit, reaffirm my resolve again and lead me down the path that brings me to her feet - kneeling and ready to serve. Goddess where are you? |
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Not a good day....... struggling with chastity vow. So far I have been able to hold steady but I really need to hear from the Goddess soon to feel its worth it. |
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4.19.08
Water is a powerful force whether in the form of a single drop or a raging river. Let's focus on a single drop today. Have you ever observed the power of a single drop of water dripping incessantly from the corner of a leaky gutter. Below, on the ground where each drop falls, a small indentation begins to form. Over a period of weeks and months this constant pounding from a series of single drops of water a large hole is created. It is the constancy of the dripping water that eventually wins out over the hard ground below.
This is how I view the law of chastity that Goddess has commanded. With each passing day, she bores deeper and deeper into my body slowly but surely taking control. As time passes her presence is undeniable, she has enslaved me. I am her bitch and am putty in her hands. |
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4.18.08
On the ground in Cleveland...... still obeying Goddess will journal more tomorrow. |
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4.17.08
As a child I remember going on vacation and taking a tour of a mountain cave that contained all kinds of interesting rock formations. The cave was lighted during the tour however at one point they cut the lights to demonstrate total and complete blackness…. Darker than you could ever imagine – absolutely nothing could be seen not even your own finger in front of your eye. That is the darkness that is beginning to envelop me as I continue to strive to abide by Goddess’ law of chastity. I feel all-alone in complete darkness standing in that cave again. I am waiting for Goddess to come and take me by my cock and lead me into her light.
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Day 8 - Still chaste....... will be in a car all day and unable to update journal in detail today. Goddess I hope you feel better soon and all of your wannabe bitches can read your precious words of wisdom that we yearn for, live for and have become dependent upon. |
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Sorry Goddess - limited time to update journal today. Suffice it to say I am weak, confused and frustrated at this point but continue to stay true to your command. Still orgasm free......
Hope you are better soon. |
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Day 6 4.414.08
On the ground in California...... thought about the life of a male Praying Mantis i.e. having their heads bitten off by females . Seems very symbolic of the life of every male. In the end, females consume us because they are superior. We form in their bellies, we feed on their breasts and for the few lucky men who discover their true place as submissive toys for Dominant women - we serve and worship them every day.
I have been struggling tremendously because I have not had any feedback from the Goddess for two days now. I am still abiding by her law of chastity - however, my resolve needs reinforcement from the Goddess soon! Just hearing Good Boy is sufficient to get through the day. Hopefully she feels well soon. |
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Day 5 4.13.08
During World War II the Japanese inflicted a very cruel form of punishment. Basically they enclosed prisoners in what amounted to a metal can, only their heads exposed, and left them in the sun all day. The temperature inside these cans could reach 240 degrees. In a word it – sucked! I can only imagine that those who survived it had to literally somehow in their minds separate themselves from their body and look forward to a time they were released and free.
I want so badly to cum right now! I even started to stroke myself prior to composing this entry only to abruptly stop and jerk my hand away like a child would from a hot stove. I almost screwed up….. sorry Goddess but I quickly recovered. I feel like I am in one of those cans. My body is screaming for relief but knows it must go on, it is all for a higher purpose; earning a place at the Goddess’ feet! To serve her is the ultimate achievement a submissive could ever hope for…..
25 days to go.
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Day 4 4.12.08
In the springtime the weather can turn on a dime. What starts as a clear and glorious day can be morphed quickly when fretful horizons and worrisome skies appear without warning and suddenly the world is turned upside down in split second. Some of these spring storms can be spectacular and frightening leaving one wondering how much more rain could fall, when will the thunder stop and will it ever be pleasant outside again. The law of chastity that Goddess has commanded her wannabe bitch boy to abide by is not all that different. My days begin usually on an energetic note, ready to attack the day and see what it will bring. Then as I move deeper into the day, the urge begins to swell up inside moving all through my body and mind like concentric circles traveling outward from a stone dropped in a pond. Those little waves ripple through my veins and soon create a vicious desire to seek sexual release. The feelings are intense and all consuming. During those moments everything else pales in comparison. My mind empties of all thoughts accept one, satisfy the sexual hunger – feed the beast. Then reality strikes like a spring storm; I cannot. I have taken a vow to serve the Goddess. She requires that I forsake these desires and instead suppress them in order earn favor in her eyes. This is what keeps me going now each day when this storm rises up inside of me seeking release. I will continue to abide by my vow because I believe Goddess is worth it and when this test is over the reward of being counted among the few who she calls HERS will be well worth the tribulations. Goddess and remain true to you.
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Day Three 4.11.08
Whew! It has been very difficult the past 14 hours. The temptation to touch myself has risen like a tumultuous ocean wave crashing down with tremendous force upon my mind, screaming at me to seek release. At times my heart has pounded furiously and my body has experienced feelings of extreme withdrawal, yearning to be freed from the vow of chastity I have taken in order to please and gain favor of the Goddess. I am happy to report that I have successfully battled this demon and stand proudly before the Goddess today untainted by these desires and in full compliance with her command.
The toll it is taking is mounting. My mind is beginning to feel like an ugly vacant lot covered by a creepy mist that seems like it will never go away. What keeps me going is the promise of gaining entrance into her kingdom and finding favor at her royal feet. At this point I can only imagine what it might be like to be counted among the chosen few who earn the privilege of being used and abused for her pleasure. Today I may get to speak with Goddess and for the first time hear her intoxicating voice instruct me concerning what lies in store during the days to come that could possibly lead to me ultimately being permitted to actually kneel in front of her (and I am certain cry uncontrollably) and begin my new life in total servitude to the Goddess. That will be a remarkable and overwhelming moment.
Goddess each day I fulfill your law of chastity I feel I am drawn closer and closer to you as I surrender myself and begin to accept my ultimate fate – complete and utter enslavement to your whims and desires, a loss of all desires for pleasing myself and instead a constant drumbeat everyday 24/7 in my mind of how I can please Goddess and make her happy, content and bring her joy. To that goal I am committed.
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Day Two 4.10.08
This is day two of me crawling across a dry and lonely desert known as abstinence. I can see her image in the distance beckoning me to continue my arduous journey toward her, toward salvation, toward the nirvana of being in her holy presence and entering into her service. A place where I as a submissive will become enveloped by her desires and dictates; unable to think or exist without hearing her voice and receiving her guidance. Intoxicated by her addictive aura and words, which will surround and consume my being.
The pinnacle of this voyage will be arriving 28 days from now in the shadow of her perfect and glorious body, exhausted, broken and hypnotized and staring up into her eyes as she explains my new fate. On that day I hope to become absorbed into her world like a spilled drink into a paper towel, pulled in effortlessly and quickly become part of her web never to exist as a separate entity again.
And so I crawl painfully across this hot barren ground, desiring release but knowing restrain is for a higher purpose. My hands begin to reach to that familiar spot, the one that has controlled me day in and day out but I stop immediately and look to that horizon where her taunting and commanding image shimmers in the distance. I must keep crawling to her. I know that is my destiny. I know she knows best. She is a
Goddess and I am a mere crumb that she casually licks from her lips and smiles…..
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Journal Entry 4.9.08
Beginning today, Wednesday, April 9, 2008 I dedicate, commit, surrender and pledge myself to the command ( also known as the Holy Chasity Decree) issued by the Glorious Goddess. Not my will but hers will be done.
From this moment until May 9, 2008 I will completely eliminate, refrain and cease any sexual activity that is pleasurable to me…… my thoughts will instead turn to potentially finding favor in the eyes of my Goddess and the chance of a lifetime to become one of her dedicated loyal pets who exist for her and her only. I will not masturbate, I will not touch myself, I will not experience orgasm for 30 days. This is being done because Goddess has demanded it and because I know by doing so it will please her.
As I begin this journey, I do it with excitement and fear. Excitement because it could potentially lead to being owned and used by the Goddess and being schooled and taught in the fine art of serving her and her only. The very thought makes my heart pound out of my chest, my body tingle and my mind fog over in a submissive stupor. Fear because it would be utterly devastating to fail her and never reach the promised-land (the area that surrounds her feet no matter where she stands). I would forever be wounded, scared and fractured if I fail to complete her demands.
In keeping with my pledge of honesty, I must tell you that I will need to slightly modify your request of a shaved cock. This would be a huge red flag that would indicate I was involved outside of my vanilla existence. Goddess, as a potential compromise that I realize you must approve, I already shave at the base of my cock, keep the other hair closely cropped, and completely shave all hair on my ass and immediately under my balls and on my inner thighs. I have no problem sending you a picture and will do so tomorrow if you approve this slight change. It will include the sign requested. I also have no problem wearing panties under my clothing to work if you command.
To you I pledge my sexuality, to be molded and controlled by you and only you. You are the reason for all I do for the next 30 days.
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