|
|
|
|
|
Fireheart9
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| I had to take a break from this site to see if I could try and establish a meaningful relationship that includes (but doesn't revolve around) BDSM in the bedroom. Sadly to say, I was not successful. I've also learned that I still do not do well in vanilla relationships.
So Here I am again.
I am not sure where I should start anymore. Maybe first by stating that I am not interested in TPE, or anything 24/7. I am submissive, but I am not a slave.
I think that I have been going about this wrong, all along. I want a meaningful relationship that is open sexually, and one that has a focus of the darker kind of sex in the bedroom.
I realize this is probably not the right site for me to try and "date" from, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?
As you can see in my interests, I have left out things that are sexual, I have found that when they were posted, I was not receiving meaningful messages that had thought behind them on things other then just sex. I am more then willing to divulge those interests once a connection has been established.
Hopefully I will find someone who I can relate to, and who understands that there is more to a real BDSM relationship then calling someone "Master"...
On a lighter note: I am always open to setting up play sessions!
|
|
|
|
|
this past week has been the worst for me in a long time. I've drank so much every night, I shock myself. You'd think about my skull was cracked open maybe I should be drinking so much, that was on Wednesday...
I just can't stop thinking. I would rather be drunk, and oblivious then sober, and lost in reason why. |
|
|
|
|
If I could afford it, I would love to go to California. See the ocean (its kinda lame that I havent, I feel), feel the warmth of the western sun, I bet it feels better the the sun we get in Indiana.
If only if only. Maybe before I turn 30 |
|
|
|
|
Despite patheic time wasters on the site, I had the most amazing time with a guy in louisville tonight. Wow is all I have to say, and much as I hurt tonight, I know ill be just as sore tomorrow, inside AND out. |
|
|
|
|
Ugh. Money is as tight as always. Its like every other month I have to clear out my change jar just to put gas in my car. It suuucks. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, so that scene in the movie was no where near as bad as i thought it was going to be. So nothing happened.
I feel funny. Like, i have been sick the past couple days, but i have just grinned and beared it. My head is starting to hurt, which is weird to me because i never have headaches, ever. IDK... i wish i had someone to take care of me. or just to rub my back, or to ask if i am ok, if i need anything. IDK, stupid shit i miss, while i had a boyfriend.
FUCK |
|
|
|
|
So at this very moment I am at my guy friends house, with 3 dudes. We've been watching crude shows and movies stince 1am. Roasted hot dog in the fireplace, drank some. Idk, just a jolly good time. We get finshed watching the newest season of Archer, and diecde its movie time. Now, I choose The Hills Have Eyes. Ive never seen it. The one guy (who has admitted to me during sex, he likes rape-y type things...) says that this and the Last.House on the Left have the 2 longest rape sences ever....
Im going to be aroused, but since they dont know me like that, I have to pretend I am not. What to do... |
|
|
|
|
I am so excited right now! I finally have my laptop back up and running!! Yippee! It only took me, what, 3-4months? Hahaha! |
|
|
|
|
I keep receiving messages of concern. I would like to just take this moment to say, though, yes, I have had bad days that I vent on this excuse of a journal, it does not mean that all my days are bad. I live well, enough. Though my days can be stressful, it does not keep me down!
Nuff said. |
|
|
|
|
I'm lonely. I hate the holidays, damn it. |
|
|
|
|
I am done with Indiana. I want out. But its terrifying to do it alone... I just wish I could find a guy I could be friend with (sex included) that I could move in with and then get a grip on my new life. All I really need is my phone, my laptop, my Dog, and some clothes.. Its to much though, I guess. I mean, it was to much to ask to find a guy who wanted an 'open' relationship. Ugh.. What am I doing??? |
|
|
|
|
I hate that when I come home from work, I have no one to talk to. I hate that when every I need someone to call on for emotional support, there is no one there. I don't think it is fair that i will make time for someone else to have sex, but its solely one sided, meaning he can not do the same for me. I hate that the love I have for someone is requited.
I am stressed out with the way my life is going and I do not know what i can do to change it. And when every I feel I have figured it out, and I want to bounce the ideas I have off someone, there is no one there. |
|
|
|
|
I feel like I need to clear out all the trash from my life. Literally, and not so literally. Ive been trying to clean my room for the past hour/half. I finally got my heavy fucking bookcase moved from the corner, into the closet. Where I will also be throwing my laundry. Speaking of laundry: im getting rid of all the bullshit clothes I dont wear, or care for anymore. Whats to big, or to small. I hated throwing things away, but I am so weighed down, I feel kinda trapped, with all I have allowed myself to collect. Plus, after this, ill have less things in my room, which should mean it will stay cleaner, right? Doubtful, but I can always hope. |
|
|
|
|
So I am extremely happy with this profile update. Its reduced the bullshit in my inbox by at least 70%. Now, I just cant tell if its because I seem like a total bitch, or for other reasons, but either way, I think I am happy about it =) |
|
|
|
|
Back in indiana. But going to tennesse wednesday for bonnaroo. I just wish I had more money for 'party favors'. Oh well. Hopefully ill be getting out of this depressed funk I have been in the last couple weeks. I guess thats all I can do.... hope. |
|
|
|
|
6 O'clock tonight: Arizona. |
|
|
|
|
Things are going comparatively well to my last entry. I am still over worked, and under-sexed, but coping better. I am super uuber excited, at the end of the month, i am going to be in Arizona for a week! I will be in the Tempe area, and i would love to have a local some me some sights! |
|
|
|
|
Im getting more and more depressed. I dont get enough sex, and I work way to much. Im trying to save up for a car, I am, but im streching myself to thin I think.... I work 45 hours at my one job, and I just got a second job that im going to be doung another 25 at. Each by them selves are not bad, but when one shift at the store is on the same day I do a double at the bar, it wears me out, and down. And my poor dog.... She is alone alot, I feel so bad when I have to leave for my lobg shifts, and she is alone. |
|
|
|
|
I dont want to set the world on fire, I just want to start a flame in your heart. |
|
|
|
|
I don't think I am cut out for this crap. I'm to opinionated, and stubborn with how I feel, finding someone who can understand and accept... well, its seems like a fruitless search. |
|
|
|
|
There are way to many people on this site that take them selves waaaaay to seriously. Not just men who claim to be dominant, or the women who claim to be submissive (visa versa, and everything in between). Life isnt only about finding some to beat the hell out of you, or finding some one who want you to talk about your self as an object because it makes 'Him' happy. (yes, I am against bullshit like W/we, U/us, etc etc etc, you know what I am talking about, it is completely pointless, and I personally believe its for those who cant get off the damn computer and live life!) Life is more then this cyber commuinty, and the people who spend there days trying to establish some sort of connection. I can honestly say, I have no respect for those who bend who they are, for the acceptance of a stranger through a computer screen. |
|
|
|
|
I have decided to edit my interests. I no longer want to have my sexual interests up on this site. I dont see much reason to promote my wants and desires to strangers. I feel it has given random prevs even more reason to send more bull shit. Its really annoying. Though I dont think this will change much, but I can be hopeful, right? |
|
|
|
|
Even though they are a necessity in my life (for the sake of myself and others!) I hate condoms. The taste, the feel (with my hands, mouth, and other more private areas) the look, the smell, the awful slimely feeling after you fuck with one. I hate that the latex takes away the natural slick feeling of my wet pussy, and replaces it with 'condom feeling'. I know they are hands down one of the most important things to a healthy sex life, but I detest them. |
|
|
|
|
Finally got my laptop in to the computer clinic, and got the virus aborted! Now all i need is 80 bucks to get it back. Poo. Maybe in another month or so after my bills clear... |
|
|
|
|
I had a wonderful time. Best that i have had since i last saw him. But i left shortly after he fell asleep. Everything i do, i feel its in vain, that it might not how he wants it to be, but all it is is the sex, and the excitment for him. I dont feel there is an emotion bond, not from him to me at least. Well, guess i should finish cleaning the cum out of my ass, he got it realllly deep =) |
|
|
|
|
Either tonight, or the night after, will hopefull be an interesting one. It was originally planned for late thursday night, but plans change, which i guess is a good thing, considering how i have to work, and after trying yesterday to find myself a replacment and it not being a fruitfull search, i might have had to cancel. I'm hoping this isnt going to be another vain mistake that i make while trying to get, well, fucked. I am more excited about it the more i think about it. Lets hope all goes well. |
|
|
|
|
I would give anything to have my fucking laptop back, i miss webcamming for people so much. I would have a lot more pictures on my profile as well. But i am thankful i still have a 3g smartphone, but i promise it is NOT a fucking iphone. Fuck Steve Jobs. You arrogant prick. |
|
|
|
|
This is a journal entry express my frustration. I don't feel any elaboration is needed, nor I do I feel like it is required. |
|
|
|
|
I'm finding myself in a state of arousal more and more here lately. And since i am going unsatisfied, I'm not the biggest fan of it. I've always been a very horny girl, getting whatever i could from everyone i could, and I don't want to take that as the plan of action now, but I'm finding it so hard, not to go gallivanting with every person who presents the opportunity. I don't feel its so that I'm "saving" my body for anyone, as the lack of desire to have to learn another persons body to get the pleasure I'm craving. And this is just normal, vanilla sex. I don't even want to get started on what has been running through my head on the darker side.
My closing statement of this entry:
I'm so fucking horny. My sex drive scares me.
|
|
|
|
|
If i am not interested in you, or what ever you may offer me, i will let you know. After that, if you want to be a 7yr old little boy and stomp your foot while calling me names, go ahead, but that just proves your not even close to the maturity level one needs to be at to have control over another person.
|
|
|
|
|
I would just like to note, i dont typically respond to one liners. I just went through all of my inbox, and found that nearly 80% were just that, and that ones that werent, i tended to reply to... Just saying. If you want to have a conversation with me, please do that, write something that will intrigue me enough to respond
|
|
|
|
|
I'm just sitting here thinking to myself, its not fair. All of these men are able to view my profile, but since they have hidden theirs, i am unable to do the same. It ticks me off. I really want to find what i am looking for. Is the acceptance that i think i miss most.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 24 |
|
Texas |
|
|
|
| | |
