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Just here to learn a bit more about the scene and lifestyle. Exploring many aspects of bdsm. I am a sub in a relationship right now and learning and growing.
I am fiercely intellectual and tend to over think things and can be very underestimated at times. I have a sassy defiant nature that can be tough to tame, and if so it's only for a short time.
The ONLY way to my body is through my mind...I love to be intellectually challenged and stimulated.
I am one who submits from strength, not weakness and I know what I want - but want to be lead there.
Warning: Any institutions or
individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies
or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile,
pictures or journals in any form or forum both current and future. If
you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will
be subject to legal ramifications.
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A continuation of the discussion, another excerpt:
In my profile I describe myself as "fiercely intellectual" and possessing a degree in psychology and my own desires to analyze my motivations for everything I do....It ends up that no matter what I do I can't stop thinking....
Unless I am taken there. Pain for me, and bondage and all of my bdsm "kinks" as you will, really are there for me to attempt to release my mind. It doesn't always work, but that is by far my goal. It is so fascinating to me the "norm" of people (I use norm so lightly...I don't truly believe in normal, it is a construction of culture and can really only be used in a statistical fashion, never in a description where it assumes "normal" as right vs wrong) that would look at my desires to be submissive and experience pain and to be forced as some deep seated desire to be treated like crap or be "owned", when for me at least, it has absolutely nothing to do with that. It is my gateway to being primal. I have a difficult time thinking as a dominant though, and in my relationship with my partner now, we are both submissive but he is a switch and will dominate me for my sake...and when I attempt to switch for him I always feel out of place, but I am getting in touch with that side too.
Inflicting pain and enjoying it is a phenomenally fascinating paradox, and when I have switched I have found that I do enjoy it when I know that it is at its core pleasing my partner. My core is on the submissive end without a doubt though, and I can't remember a time where I didn't have submissive desires, and pain evolved from that. I have NO desire to be dominated in my everyday life, as I am fiercly independent and strong willed. It is a paradox in itself then that what I truly desire is that domination in the bedroom, almost as if to say "I want to go to all of these places, kinky erotic painful places, but I want to remove the choice of my own...take me there instead, because it is truly where I want to be."
So many people are afraid to really know them selves, and there fore afraid to cross that line for fear of judgment. Mother culture and society completely suck in that regard, binding people to the ideas of the masses. That is where the true bondage lies, in being bound to society. When I am bound as a submissive, it frees me.
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This is an excerpt from an intellectual discussion I was having about the pain/pleasure connection. Like it or hate it...it is how I think:
I happen to be one that enjoys pain at times...and I have analyzed this connection within myself and liken it to its ability to strip one of inhibitions...if you can allow the pain to carry you. It, for me, takes me from my "human" place to my animalistic place, where I can truly feel and express free of "thinking", which I tend to do to much at times. I have come to know pain, for me, is a catalyst to true expression, and submission is the same. For me, submitting is so deeply intimate, and can only be truly achieved when the dom and sub have almost become one...
I think we all seek the same goal, consciously or unconsciously, to express our primal desires free from our sentient human state, and that we seek whatever means we need to reach that place. To me that is what lies at the core of bdsm. The desire to be primal, whether we are intellectual or not enough to conceptualize it, or desire to even question or think about it.
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| Age: 27 |
| Zamboanga city,
Philippines |
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