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About txhopeful
Well, not sure how to say it all so please forgive me if I ramble... I will keep this up to date though and try to keep it simple...
I am -currently- married (which I know will cause most to stop right there, so if you are still reading I thank you) but am looking for One I may have the privilege of serving. I honestly am unsure if there even is One out there that would wish for someone like me to serve them, which is why I have not pursued a divorce yet. If there is -no one- that I can serve, then it is better to try and secretly serve where I am, but my current spouse has no desire to be dominant, to be served or to have anything to do with the lifestyle. We married when I still had not completely accepted who I really am and in the time since it has become much more obvious that it was a mistake.
My whole life I have wanted to be a woman... I had the typical childhood dreams, astronaut, superhero, royalty, etc., but for me I was always a woman in those daydreams... I was a woman astronaut could inspire other girls... I was a princess... whatever I was it was always a woman when I grew up. When I learned that wasn't going to happen I prayed constantly for a miracle, when that wasn't going to happen I started pushing that large part of me down and tried to be what everyone said I should be. This has never worked for me though, and only proved to cause further frustrations as I know that, inside, I -am- female...
About seven years ago I was introduced to the lifestyle through a new friend. I immediately knew that I was submissive, and gradually came to realize it was even deeper than that... I know I am a slave, and the variances between the sub, pet and slave. As time went though, once again I was unable to really find a larger group in my area to talk with and have since participated online and at distance with others almost continuously since my introduction. Though since I could find no one in the area I eventually tried to subdue that part of me as well and met my current wife. I have spoken about both of these intrinsic parts of myself to her but they are also the two parts she wants nothing to do with.
I have now come to the acceptance that I can not deny who I am inside and that I will not be content until I am serving at the feet of my Owner as their full property. I hope to find One who is willing to form this raw clay into the ideal they wish to own. I am starting with binaural and hypnosis session to help with body changes (long shot I know, but just to start as others I know say they have had small success with the particulars I am now using daily). Herbal hormones and bovine ovary pills should be here soon, and yes I am being very careful and have consulted my doctor. Currently I am planning on starting the required "therapy" to be given access to pharmaceutical hormones in a few months. Ideally by that point, though, I also hope to have met a prospective owner and will know more about how -they- wish this body to be. If not, then I will look at options within the next year and will likely begin divorce proceedings then, unless my Owner finds be and wants me to serve them sooner - at which point I would leave my current place and take my sole place at their feet when they wished it.
This is the path I am now walking... I am just starting but I have my goal, and I dearly hope to find the One I am to serve before to very long. |
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