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kiakia
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Ive been away a while. It didnt take. Vanilla life still doesnt suit me. Maybe this time I'll meet someone for whom the same is true. I can be found under same username on Fetlife, if you're as tired as I am of how broken the basic site functions of CS have become.
I am finally moving back to DC after two covid-driven years away. It was a lovely and fortunate escape but the city still feels like home and I'm thrilled to be back.
I'm a much different man & sub than I was when I first joined this site -- I've learned to find domestic service genuinely rewarding, I am a far better & more ined communicator, and I have a much clearer understanding of what I ultimately (a) want & don't want in a long-term FLR and (b) need to do in my own self-work to be worthy of someone who might want the same things I want in such relationship.
I am, to put it simply, operating from a much healthier & more stable & reliable place as I renew my old search for a real, deep connection with a dominant woman, for romance, service, and meaningful partnership based on the combination of "she likes & cherishes these parts of me" and "she is excited to reprogram the other parts of me so that I am a satisfying, fulfilling whole for her."
Specific kinks available upon request, but the main thing you should know is that for me its all about power, control, and creativity. Oh, and maintaining at *minimum* a 10-to-1 orgasms ratio between us, while never letting a day pass without making you smile, laugh, and feel cherished.
EDIT: It seems one of the many ways this site is broken now is that punctuation doesn't show up after you click "save." Please know I write for a living and am not a mongrel idiot!
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Each time his trembling fingers sent the brush astray and left a streak of red on one of her toes she slapped him, hard. With his cheek stinging he would reach for the damp cloth and wipe up his mistake. The larger ones that took an extra second to correct left her bored, and she would occasionally reach out and twist one of his nipples, or idly put her fingers to his lips until he opened up for her to slide a finger into his mouth for him to suck.
Soon enough he was done. All ten beautiful, tiny little toes shining a wet and darkening red under the lamplight, wiggling at him. "Blow." And she grabbed his hair and moved the path of his whistling breath over her toes, giggling.
When they were dry to her satisfaction, she yanked his head up so he met her eyes. "That was pathetic. It's unacceptable that it takes you 45 minutes to do something as simple as paint my toes, pet." Stroking his still-red cheeks, she murmured, "I hope for your sake you learn quickly."
"As a matter of fact, take these with you." She pressed two bottles of nail polish, and a third of remover, into his left hand. Giggling at the confusion knitting his brow, she stood up and walked across the room, all thighs and curves, the whole process stirring something deep in his stomach. She realized he was frozen, and snapped, which sent him to his feet like a shot. She was already out the door, knowing that he was following her to the stairs, to the door.
He knelt at the door and kissed her now-dry toes, once each, before she threw his clothes at him and watched him dress, squeezing his ass as he walked out the door towards his car.
*****
Halfway home, his mind almost returned to him but still fuzzy with the afterglow of serving his beloved Queen, he felt his pocket buzz. A text.
"I want proof that your toes are pink in my inbox by midnight. L"
It was a week until their next scheduled meeting, but suddenly he knew she wasn't going to let him be completely himself in the interim... |
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I know I'm a sub, but I still get to hate on people who can't spell, use shite grammar, and misuse words, right? Right?
It only really sucks when somebody I'm interested in never bothered to learn the language. Otherwise it's actually a helpful filter, I suppose. |
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So I know I'm orally fixated-- that was easy. But I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to be olfactorally-fixated. Scents & smells carry a massive payload in my mind. (i open the dryer to get my laundry; nothing. i open the dryer to find it's full of female stuff? the smell blows me away.) |
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What kind of idiot am I? The absent-minded, throw-all-your-underwear-in-the-laundry-before-you-have-to-go-out kind, apparently. |
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I'm forever reading my own cultural obsessions into other peoples' prose (OPP) and it never ceases to disappoint when that thing I think is a reference to that other thing is, in fact, just a thing, without additional weight. Better that it have a weight I can't yet recognize than that it be hollow, though. |
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I strongly suspect I write too much. I try to be careful about that off the bat, but once I get any sign of approval from a Domme in response to a message, I tend to lose my grip on my verbiage.
Sorry. |
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Turns out that whole "prostate" thing isn't a hoax. Ho-leee fuck. |
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I've realized that I very much enjoy writing stories that cater to a woman's interests. It is a fulfilling way to use my best talent to please a Domme who is otherwise too far away to make use of me. I think I am pretty good at it, but I would love to have more feedback. I will put up some excerpts here soon, but in the meantime if you are reading this--
Would this sort of thing interest you? What should I write about next? |
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Sometimes, technology sucks. Or maybe it just sucks to be so accustomed, so spoiled, so...expectant.
I was in the middle of writing a story for a friend tonight. I was enjoying it, and I think it was pretty good. Certainly a good start. And then I unplugged my laptop, since it had been plugged in for over an hour and I wanted to recline-- and it immediately died. The lesson, as always: don't buy an Acer, especially one that's masquerading as a gateway. Blah. |
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Going through some protracted geographic upheaval. Should be permanently settled by beginning of May, with any luck-- and will update profile location stuff accordingly, when it is really appropriate. |
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Considering a period of self-imposed chastity and/or teasing and denial. Haven't done this in years, but back in High School it was a regular thing for me. Longest I ever went was a month, and I know I couldn't just jump back to that level. But I think I need it right now. Maybe just a week or so. |
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Getting caned on the asshole must really, really hurt. |
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Y'know what's ultra-irritating? Getting spam when you're so eager to hear from a particular person that you're refreshing the page every ten minutes. That little red flash of text can be such a tease... |
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From what I understand, a lot of Dommes on this site are under a barrage. You're, ahem, getting it from both ends: "I don't have a picture up, and I'm considered a man who's lying. I do have one up, and I'm a fake."
Well that sure sucks. I hope this kind of badgering has more to do with the fact that we're looking to satisfy the demands of our sexuality on the interweb than it does with us being submissive.
So take it from me, dear reader (wait, you're reading this? Hello!)-- that DeeMadame is indeed a real, live woman. No penis. Just a lot of sexy leg, a gorgeous and not-infrequent smile, and a sharp wit that will come out if you're interesting enough to stir it.
And yes, this journal entry was commissioned by my Mistress, because as she put it, "You're pretty much the only one who's seen me on cam....and knows I'm not rockin' a wee-wee."
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Doesn't it seem like "Average Time Between Logins" would be a helpful, non-invasive stat for CM to post with people's full profiles? That way, you'd be able to have a rough expectation set for when someone might read a message from you.
I guess I'm just feeling overeager/impatient.
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I want to offer a quote from another's journal, which I found really interesting-- one of those things where you're nodding your head as you read it, without realizing at first. I hope I can quote you without being seen as a suck-up.
"The state of women is not made better by the subjugation of men."
Hm.
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"Life's not a bitch, life is a beautiful woman-- you only call her a bitch 'cause she wouldn't let you get that pussy. Maybe she didn't feel y'all shared any similar interests, or maybe you're just an asshole who couldn't sweet-talk the princess."
and as long as we're on the subject of relevant Hip-Hop quotes...I may as well mention that I am not remotely interested in serving or talking to any Dommes whose philosophy of dominance is drawn from "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.
FinDommes, I respect what you do but it leaves me high and dry-- if I stumble upon one of you and show interest, only to disappear when currency is mentioned, do not be offended-- this simply means that your profile did not mention (in a way that I understood) your financial requirements. Cheers! |
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I'm coming to believe that this "lifestyle" is psychologically stunting-- some sort of mental crutch, in my case, on which my inferiority complex can lean. Not to denigrate anyone else-- I'm just realizing that i'm probably just manifesting my insecurities here. There's no growth in it.
Am I wrong? Tell me so, please... |
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I believe that the right words have an almost kinetic power. What do I mean by the right words? It's unknowable in advance of the moment. In the right moment, for the right audience, and with just the right word, an eloquent person can punch you right in the brain with a single word. The following words have, at one time or another, had such an effect on me, in the context of D/s fantasizing:
Subjugate.
Smother.
Spread.
and those are just a few from late in the alphabet...
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UPDATE:
Picture pending, finally...
I think it's hard to meet people here because it's rare to get a chance to exchange words with someone you find interesting. Granted, the math is against me as a sub guy on a site like this, and everybody I find interesting is getting harassed daily, so I understand. It's just frustrating sometimes-- I usually feel like I can tell from reading some profiles that I would be able to develop a real relationship with some of You if given the chance. If You're reading this, and You think I'm shooting myself in the foot with my own profile, please let me know-- I'll be indebted. |
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| Age: 22 |
| Howell,
New Jersey |
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