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Male Dominant, 46, Las Vegas, Nevada
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Dominant Couple, 53, San Antonio, Texas
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Male Switch, 25, ontario
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About toxicsub47417
UPDATE: THIS/MY ACCOUNT IS SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST AND TIME.
I'm just a young woman, aimlessly wondering. I'm not special and I don't have much to offer. I am an introvert at best and have never voluntarily been a social creature. I have one friend and she and I don't hang out frequently. I am employed and enjoy solitude, there are times though that I wish I could be sitting at someone's feet, enjoying their company and making myself useful to them.
I joined this site almost a year ago. I was very vanilla prior to and there is still a lot I don't know and have to learn. I am not perfect and I make mistakes and I am not very good at expressing myself. Years of being alone (even with others) has caused me to keep everything inside, and I have found that D/s requires open and free communication, which is not something I am used to doing. I often answer questions with "I don't know" because I don't know how to get my thoughts into words, I don't know how to say what I think, sometimes I can't figure out what I feel, or I don't want to appear stupid or embarrassed so I answer with "I don't know". Because I'm alone the majority of the time, I don't have to think. I am constantly asked by those around me "what are you thinking about?" And my answer is "nothing", and it isn't because I don't want to share, it's because I live a simple life that is marked by a lot of unexciting events which has caused my mind to wander aimlessly, as a result I don't know if I'm actually thinking about anything.
I probably sound very boring, and it's true, I am. I can be a talkative goof ball when you get me going, and I have been termed a SAM (smart ass Maso). I like having fun, but I can't tell me what I do for fun because I only know fun when I am experiencing it. My life consists of me working, doing community service, watching t.v., doing crafts, and going to service. I'm unexciting, and maybe that is why BDSM grabbed my attention. I realize it is not all about fun and games, it is a way of life for many.
I don't know what my interests are in this lifestyle, but I do know that I don't want to be a living sex doll. I am not a loose person, and I'm not going to meet you and take my clothes off because I believe every solid relationship begins with "friends first". I'm mostly interested in trying to see if this lifestyle is a fit for me. I will state this plainly and simply because a number just don't seem to get it. I am not interested in having sex with you, including masturbation, anal, oral, or vaginal. That is not what I'm looking for. Sure that's to be included in a "real" relationship, but we aren't there. Until I know if this is a lifestyle I would remain in, I wont be seeking anything permanent. I am not the best at volunteering information about myself, so please ask. Thank you for reading this. |
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Thank you fellow members of CM, I think this year (almost) has taught me a lot. I came here knowing next to nothing about this lifestyle and now I have memories and opinions. I have concluded that this is not something I would explore outside of marriage. My strict Christian upbringing isn't going to dissolve overnight and I would rather enjoy myself than feel overwhelming shame and be in a no man's land inside my head, trying to feel nothing but continue moving forward. I've had a few decent mentors here. Thank you all for your time, effort, patience (or lack thereof) and energy. I learned a lot, and experienced a LOT. Goodness knows I wouldn't have expected this from me five years ago! This has been an incredible adventure with a lot of laughs, tears and mental anguish. Lol. Thank you for helping me on this journey, helping me learn more about myself, helping me decide what's what for me. I wish you all the best, and I hope you continue to find happiness. As for me, this chapter is closed until my virtually impossible circumstances fall into place (with the exception of my erotic writing and craft). Take care! |
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My tummy is growling, somebody come fill my puppy bowl! |
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Im having a great day today. How about you? |
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