Succumb to My will. Greetings, poor soul. From this point on you have accepted that you will succumb to My will. I have been making boys and girls weak in the knees for years. One look and you'll be at your knees licking My boots. I will eat your fucking heart out with My shotgun hips and heartbreak lips. Do not take My kindness for weakness. Do not take My youth as ignorance. My objective is to seep so far into your mind that I intoxicate and dominate the very fabric of your being. I will break you and when I am done, you will grovel at My feet; you will understand why the caged bird sings. Every thought that you've had is irrelevant now. I take in the beaten, the battered, and the lost. I will use you as My personal tabula rasa. You will become My creation with the sole purpose of making Me happy. I'll make you itch like a bad addiction and you'll always come back, begging. I demand respect and obedience, the rest is completely circumstantial. I do not require tribute for conversations. I will not prostitute Myself on webcam or solicit My pictures for profit. I am looking for real time whores to spoil and please Me. Take into consideration that if I do not like you, not even your money is good enough for My attention.
I am not for the fainthearted or the weak. I require subsistence in My submissive. If I can't have a simple conversation with you, you are not worth My time or energy. Although I expect you to always be respectful, I demand someone who is intelligent. I will give you all of the love and affection that you could ever crave if you are worthy. I only give to you what you earn. I desire a relationship that runs much deeper than the conventional. A collar does not give a relationship significance; a relationship gives a collar significance. I will ruin you in the bedroom; you will leave with marks and you will be proud that I have bestowed such an honor on your pathetic being. I have a three strike system. After you've received your third strike, you are blocked from any communication and forgotten.
It's hard being Santa for my sweetheart. It's hard to have candy in my room and not be able to eat it. :c
My sweetheart got me a nice gaming laptop for Christmas and installed Steam and Portal 1&2 already! :3 I'm a lucky gal, aye.
My grandmother likes to go overboard when it comes to Christmas. Two big ol' trees means twice the merriment.
I do miss you, Aussie boy. Won't you ever come home?
Thanksgiving is only 2 days away and I have my final math exam tomorrow. What a buzzkill.
Thank you all for the sweet messages I've gotten from everyone wishing prayers, good feelings, and love to my family and friends in the Philippines. Those who are offering food, water, money, or supplies to me for them, thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate it.
I have greater worries than of those on here who don't like me. I have family and friends who are struggling in my country due to the typhoon. They didn't die from the storm itself but many islands have been ruined. The island I most grew up on is a small fishing island and the sea is covered in the aftermath of the storm. It hurts that the supplies I've sent won't get there for another couple of weeks, if the port is reopened. I have no time for your foolishness.
It's like nobody is ever really happy.
Tell me your hopes and dreams.
Don't pretend to care now, you dildo.
It's the holiday season. What are you grateful for?
I've been incredibly blessed with the responses I've gotten after my journal last night! Thank you to everyone who has either donated to organizations or prayed for relief for the people of my homeland. Please donate anything if you can spare it. Old clothing, those cans of food you've had in your cabinet that are still good, or general medical supplies are such of an amazing help. And if you are following the story, please avoid CNN as a source of information. They are dramatically over speculating the amount of deaths and the pictures they have posted are disgusting and offensive.
I am eternally blessed that my family is alive and survived the typhoon that ripped my homeland apart. Please pray for them and if you can, donate to any of the many organizations sending relief to the Philippines at this time. I know I will be.
It's just hard knowing that I'll never really know the entire truth with you. You can never expect or demand stability because you'll never be truthful enough for me to give it to you. It's a nice enough thought though.
Going to Escape from Wonderland 2013 as a bubblegum cybergoth. :] excited!
Is anyone else feeling just terribly done with the day?
Fuck, I'm super annoyed and it's way too early. Apparently my boyfriend and I can never have one day to sleep in ever. I'm getting really tired of this shit. I'm getting tired of this house. Of this family. Of him. Maybe this just isn't the person for me. Maybe it's just time to call it quits.
I wish we could be friends.
I'm officially 20 today. :D
Man. I'm going to be 20 in less than a month and I've got my whole life figured out, lol, not really.
So, here's a laugh for any of you out there. Some fat cunt is 21 years old and crying because she's being cyber bullied and even said something along the lines of "you wonder why suicide rates are so high". Apparently people on here keep calling her fat (which she is) and ugly (which is also true) and so I messaged her to let her know she either needs to grow up (because getting suicidal after being cyber bullied at 21 is fucking ridiculous), get off the computer (because she's not emotionally mature enough to be able to handle the internets), and to quit crying because nobody needs more attention whores on this site honestly to which I was promptly told to "fuck [myself] and worry about [myself]". I'm not the one crying on a public forum about being bullied, so.. Suck it, cunt.
So, after 6 weeks of training 16+ hours a week for dance, I ended up with 2 dislocated toes, 1 pulled muscle in my back, 1 shin splint, and a lot of ugly bruises. Definitely an amazing experience, but I won't be doing it again anytime soon.
I made an okcupid account to find some friends and received this message today. "hey beautiful I used to work at Miguel's Jr Norco and I was always saw you and think you're very gorgeous"
I go there way too much..
I fucking hate today.
I think I pinched a nerve in my back. Sucks.
Keep me company.
My toes are bruised. My muscles are strained. I'm going to die.
I didn't pay for my summer classes by the drop date because the webadvisor didn't have the date up, however, due to a random glitch that happened in both of my classes, I was still enrolled!!! <3 th universe is on my side.
Nobody cares anymore.
Hell month and a half starts on Monday. Four hours of straight dance for four days a week, for six weeks. Massages are going to be necessary.
What would you do to find your perfect match?
Tell me a secret.
People call me an idiot because I don't want to explain how a bridge piercing works every day. Just because it's there doesn't mean you need to comment on it. No, it doesn't go through the bone. No, it didn't hurt (and believe me, I'm the biggest baby when it comes to pain). No, I'm not lying when I say it didn't hurt. The holes haven't closed for my angel bites. I'd gladly tell you that they hurt like a bitch and I nearly fainted when it spurt blood.
My boyfriend and I pulled up to the McDonalds drive thru, and standing infront of it were four policemen atop of horses. We rolled down the window and immediately one said "We're the drive thru police. The hamburglar is on the loose".
Happy Memorial Day.
I've been sick the entire weekend. Bullshit.
Gyms would make a lot more money if they offered wifi. I know I listen to pandora and use Facebook/blackboard during cardio.
Last night was precious. I went to see the baby kitten that my sweetheart and I are going to take home soon. She's almost a week old and hasn't opened her eyes yet but she stumbled her cute body onto my hand and meowed at me. I fell in love with her. She's a little calico and the runt of the litter. I hope she's healthy and strong. Only time will tell that. Her brothers and sisters are just little fatties, but I've got faith in her. I sent a photo of her coiled up in my hand to my boyfriend. He just about lost it. We've wanted a baby something for awhile now. On an even brighter note, we are only a few hop, skips, and a jump away from moving into our own apartment. It's an exciting and stressful time for all, but it's a good move for us. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wonderful boy in my life. Even better, his new promotion gets him a company car and I not only get to choose which one I want for us to use, but I also get to take his car (which is pretty great considering it gets a little more gas mileage than my car does and has a lot less miles on it) for school and such. Tomorrow is my last school day for the week. I made up my Thursday classes today since sweetie and I are playing hookie and going to Sea World. I love that place. Did I mention I've applied to a couple positions there? Fingers crossed! It's amazing how many jobs there want experienced dancers (mostly jazz, hip hop, ballet, and musical theater) all of which I have years of experience on my r?m?And these gigs pay way more than Disney does for their dancers. I'm just a happy camper.
The truth about Mother's Day: not everyone's mom can be #1. Some of your moms have to be garbage.
I just saw the license plate 4Bulog which has two meanings in tagalog. It can mean to force animals to fuck or the masculine ability to fuck. Lolwhy.
I find it funny that the fetish things that I once loved and desperately needed, now make me uncomfortable when they aren't done with my sweetheart.
Why is it so difficult for women to understand that there are not going to be a lot of other women who want to have a 3sum with them and their boyfriend? Seriously. And on that note, girls, know your fucking sexual orientation. You're not a lesbian if you're dating a dude. You're not a lesbian if you want a girl just to fuck your dude. You're not a lesbian even if Mr. Dom of the fucking world tells you that you are. You're a liar. Quit posting that shit. Be honest. You're maybe somewhat bisexual at most. If you wouldn't be in a physical or emotional relationship with a female only on your own accord, YOU'RE NOT EVEN BISEXUAL AT THAT POINT, YOU STUPID CUNT. Jesus. You'd think grown ass women would be able to figure out what "lesbian" or "bisexual" really means. Also, asexual doesn't mean that you feel like you don't need another person to complete you. That's called having self esteem. Get it right.
Allergies are fucking terrible. Tis the season for red noses and sniffles.
I don't like when grown ass men pout at me. Talk to me. Use your words. Don't just get pissed off and shut down and quit talking to me. Use your words. Why are you upset? What did I do? I'm pretty good at listening and working through things, but only if you handle it like an adult.
So, I use this site that is a community for secrets. You post your secrets, people comment, you know, the fun stuff. Anyways, this one person made me laugh. Way too many people on the Internet feel this way. If you post something and it's stupid (like, I dunno, complaining that you have to pay your parents back the thousands of dollars they spent on lawyers and bail because you're a dumbass and on the other hand, whining that you want to get high and cursing the fact that you're on parole), well, someone is going to tell you that you're an idiot. Sometimes it happens to be me. But, by no means does that mean I stalk your every Internet thought. It means I saw what you said and decided to comment on it. You're not my latest obsession. I don't hate you. I don't even care about you. And that's okay. Speaking of which, if you're going to sit around and claim your time is oh-so valuable and precious, shove it. You're on the Internet. You're not saving lives. You're not performing surgery. Just sit your ass down and quit acting all high and mighty. "oh, I just wasted X amount of seconds reading your post". Well, whose fault is that? Oh, I forgot. It's mine, because I have it up there. My bad.
I hate when Dance 6 comes and observes us. I don't know why Dance Appreciation students can't go to our dance shows like everyone else. Instead, 30 of them pack into our studio and sit along the wall and WATCH us for an hour and a half. Do you know how awkward it is doing a standing split facing away from them? It's like a super crotch shot. Not to mention only 10 of us showed up to class today, so being scrutinized by them was even more obvious. I don't know what they're going to learn from seeing us drip sweat from our stretches. I don't know what they'll learn from watching us go across the floors. And, I definitely don't know what they'll learn from not seeing the full combination we've worked so hard on. I can't imagine how boring it must have been. Except maybe if they watched me since my balance was a bit off in the beginning and I almost fell on my face twice. Plus, I bet it was awesome seeing how sweaty I get up close and personal! Thank god for being 6 feet infront of me, they might have missed that.
"Don't put 'retro-porno beard'"
"Don't HAVE retro-porno beard"
What do you think about body modifications? Do piercings really take away beauty or add to it?
I find it incredibly awkward when a woman posts a photo of her breasts and her nipples are almost the same color as her breasts, and she sort of looks like a Barbie in the icon.
When there's a bombing, we blame the bomber. When there's a drunk driver, we blame the driver. So, why is it that when there's a shooting, you blame the gun?
Well, you must've failed English considering you can barely string together a coherent sentence and don't understand the use of "we". Poor you.
I know you're uneducated but yes, we means two or more people. Her apparent murderer and I make two people, thus I used "we". And how is it that you're going to message me THEN journal about me?
Actually, I didn't hate her from the start. In fact, we exchanged quite a few friendly messages before something blew up. And even after some time, she would be an adult and message me and say something nice every here and again if I sounded like I was struggling and I'd thank her and we'd go on our merry way. Sure, we did have it out for some time, but she's the one who told me about the clique. We weren't some sort of mortal enemies and I have never once said I hated her or anyone in your group whether we were arguing or not. So, whatever. Call me a hater. Also, why would I want to be a Asian dyke wannabe? Or how am I trying to be? Lol. I'm not. And if I'm going to Hell, so are all of you. See you there.
Guess I couldn't resist since everything I'm saying in my journal is logical. Arguing with any of you is like talking to a wall. I'll say something like "Hey, dude. Look, I'm sorry if she actually did kill herself but we're only asking for proof and not just hearsay from your Internet gang of idiots" and you'll say "FUCK YOU FLAT ASSED BITCH". And I'll say "Look, it just seems a little sketchy is all, but we can have this sorted out and handled. It doesn't even have to be public. It can be private and everything can get squared away" and then you'll say "FUCK YOU FLAT ASSED BITCH". And I'll say "Look, I understand you think my ass is flat. That's fine. I'm okay with that, but you're deflecting and I'm just asking for some proof and then I'll leave it alone" and then you'll say "FUCK YOU FLAT ASSED BITCH". And I'll say "okay, inbred hillbilly, go back to your tons of acres and sleep with your mom and whoever else happens to crawl out from the woodwork and continue on fucking, sucking, and paroozing around even though you're SOOOOO distraught over your friend's faked suicide stunt" and then you'll say "your cactus tried to commit suicide. Fuck you" and that's how it always goes.
I wonder if this is all a big play between the Murderer and the Mississippi Clique. I mean, you really do put a big show on for the journals. And that's great, I'm happy for you because you're getting the attention you want. It's attention at all. If you wanted it to be private, it wouldn't be in the journals, so if I'm supposed to mind my own business, well, my business is to read everyone's journals. That's what I do at night since I've finished An Object of Beauty and The Pleasure of My Company. Anyways, I didn't know Karen's last name. I did try to type in suicide, Karen, Mississippi. Obviously didn't wield any results. I didn't think it would. A lot of people kill themselves daily. Nothing special about it, but then again, it's usually not put in obituaries. They're more polite "so and so unexpectedly died today" instead of "so and so shot themselves in the face". Politically correct, I guess. And anyways, these people are saying they were at the funeral and SHE wasnt. Well, I'm pretty sure she wasnt invited to begin with. Not that anyone would want to go to a funeral (or at this point, perhaps a fake funeral) of someone who they supposedly talked into suicide because they're just so mean and this woman, mind you, a fully grown, 40 something year old woman, would leave her newborn twins and a loving husband and house full of slaves and family because someone on the Internet said something mean. Doesn't that sound fishy to anyone else? And hey, you want to be consoled? Well, IF she had in fact tried to console you, you'd have told her to fuck off anyways. And you wanted her to kill herself in return. You don't get to play the victim and the bad guy at the same time. You lost someone special. You ALL refuse to post the obituary, but ALL verify that there was a funeral. Come on. Even you have to admit that it just LOOKS bad. But beyond that, you want everyone to feel bad for you while you took your supposed grief and turned it into hate posts for MONTHS about her and anyone who defended her, AND NOW, you want to continue to say these hateful things and then be so painfully dense as to follow it up with "BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY YOU WERE SORRY". It's hilarious to me. Just post the obituary, then this can all be over with. And you can move on with your lives. Or don't. Whatever. You're all grown ass women, most of you who are old enough to be mothers, quit the petty blog bashing. And I know, it must be ironic hearing it from a 19 year old with a terribly flat man ass, but hey, I would know about immaturity, right?
I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel if it won't.
I really dislike TS/TVs who will never look like a passable female trying to convince people that they're some sort of hot catch. As if. I can see that even with photoshop, you look disgusting. I'm not blind to the fact that there are some really hot TS/TVs out there. Believe me, I've been with a few of them. But, honey, if you look like a man, if you've got broad shoulders and no curves. If you've got a flat ass and hairy arms/legs/back. If you've got a square jawline and a five o'clock stubble that just won't go away? You need to quit it. You look ridiculous. I KNOW, I'm so fucking shallow, god, how could I? But if you can't afford to get waxed, to get your hormones and surgeries, then stop being an eyesore to everyone. If you want to wear make up, that's great. There are a ton of males who can do amazing jobs, but fucking learn how to make yourself look decent. Don't just glob shit on and think you look presentable. Look at you in your burning blueberry eyeshadow and your smudged eyeshadow and your hooker red oh-so-whore couture lipstick and your beard. Nobody can see past your frumpy disguise, you clever chameleon, you. I have no problems with TS/TVs. It's great that you want to be who you feel you are. Really, you'll be great. But, you can't just go half way. You can't just sit there as some ugly manly crossdressing creep. Make yourself look decent, and if you can't, start making yourself a veil. Nobody wants to see that shit.
Okay. I'm going to make this statement for all of the females on this site. Dominant and submissive men alike need to read this. How hard is it to send a message back even if it's to say we aren't interested? Very. First, most men on this site don't get it. I know for a fact that I've told more than 20 different guys I'm not interested but thank you, and they absolutely would not take no for an answer. They think begging, bitching, or attacking me is going to change my reaction. No. The best thing to do is just to accept it and move on. It's just like real life, kids. If you give a girl your number, there's a chance she just won't call you. She wasnt really interested, she was just being polite. So you send a ton of messages out and get no replies. You know what that says to any prospective partner? That you're out there trying to catch ANY Katie, Crystal, or Carrie that will talk to you. That's just pathetic and sad. Or makes you look like some sort of player. Both are things you want to avoid. Quit acting like such pansy asses. "oh, boo fucking hoo, this girl won't reply to me". Does your life revolve around some girl's online profile? Is the world going to stop spinning because she doesn't reply to you? Get over it. There is nothing more unattractive than a whining cunt of a "man".
Who wants to be text buddies?
So, if you've ever seen electro-porn, they sometimes use shock paddles (looks like a tennis racket). My family got one (apparently it's made to kill bugs) and everyone said it didn't work and I just shocked the fuck out of myself.
Pro-tip for Submissive Men: Penis photos with some awkward looking substance rubbed on it or in your butthole will only disgust me, they don't make me smile. I don't want to see your penis.
Make me smile.
Who would be interested in a RT session with me? Hm.
I'm going to the San Diego Zoo today! <3
I saved a girl's life today. She was too preoccupied texting when a bus was coming a little too fast. I pulled her onto the sidewalk and she gave me the "the fuck did you just touch me for, bitch?" look and continued texting. Whatever.
Sketchers came out with a new shoe called "Daddy'$ Money secret wedges". Complete with preteen girls flashing wads of "Daddy'$ Money" and stunning teen girls wearing slightly revealing clothing (you know, since this does play on kids channels) in their shoes. As if young girls didn't have enough Daddy issues.
Spending the night doing crafts with my boyfriend. We dyed eggs and are now making a dream catcher. Oh, and we're both intoxicated. This should be interesting.
My boyfriend got me a pet cactus that I named Jimmy (from Ed, Edd, and Eddie). I went to close the window where he was sitting on the cil, and he's GONE. I ran into the bathroom where my boyfriend was showering and I screamed "WE LOST JIMMY". He busted out of the shower and now we're looking for him. UPDATE. We found him. He fell out the window. He wasnt even close to the window......... He committed suicide.
I made my boyfriend a treasure chest. It turned out pretty bitching.
I find it incredibly awkward seeing how many males and females post up about randomly masturbating. For me, I only find it attractive if I'm with the person. And even then, it's like, meh. I've never understood why men like to watch women masturbate. Maybe someone could give me some insight because although I've seen very attractive women touch themselves, it's never turned me on.
It's amazing how much I have come into my own over the past year and a half. My sweetheart and I have grown and fallen and pushed through it all to become stronger. We've become something beautiful and special and all our own. While, I am slowly changing who I am, not for him, but because I feel comfortable to do so. I will always be the outgoing, theatrical dancer, but I've gotten to a point where my down time is spent in the quiet of an air conditioned room and a soft bed, being stroked tenderly by my darling whose chest I lay on and we both read our books or look through funny websites I've found over the week. It's been a long way coming to this point. The more quiet I became, the more I wondered if we weren't right for each other, because when we go out on dates, we rarely speak the entire dinner. When we lay in bed, we rarely speak. But, I've come to the conclusion that the person I really am is coming to surface. That, I am no longer being held down, I am no longer holding onto abusive secrets, I'm no longer afraid to say "No, stop, you're hurting me". I am no longer the child who was forced into being a selective mute with stress induced ulcers by the age of 8. My suppressed memories come in sprinkled explosions that scare me, but I am safe. I am stronger now in my silence. I speak when I am ready. I scream when I need. I don't pretend to be okay when I'm not and I definitely stand for no abuse the way that I allowed for so many years of my life. When I turned 13, I found a voice void of restraint when my mom abandoned me and I was away from the abusive step husband, and I never shut up. I was afraid that if I ever stopped pounding the pavement, I'd lose my voice again. I was afraid I'd forget how to speak and be restricted to writing again. But, being that I'll be 20 soon and I'm in college, and doing what I love. I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I'm an introvert at heart and sometimes I like to be alone, and that's okay. When I began to lose my eye sight, I hated reading. The years past and I ignored it, and it got worst. And now I'm half blind, but after years of being angry at myself and the situation, I'm able to pick up a book and read again. Even if it's hard to read sometimes, I have a boyfriend who will always read to me so that I can rest my eyes and feel. Things are getting better, and I'm finally free.
Ever notice it's the really ugly people who get mad when someone "judges their appearance"? I mean, big boys are hot and all, but if you're over 300 lbs and you're under 6', you may just have a problem with self control and I wouldn't want that in a Dominant either.
"You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me through the very dirt, but still, like dust, I'll rise".
You love because I'm fragile and I thought that I was strong. You touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
Almost four years ago, my dance teacher injured me for life by nearly dislocating my hip while stretching me. Between snapping hip and a tear I suffered, sometimes I just don't want to move. I feel like my legs are on rusty hinges (which they kind of are since it's both the internal and external) and they're barely hanging on. It's hard. Especially when it's cold. They get tight and I can't move. But, I've learned to live with it because I love what I do. I just don't like being up at a quarter till midnight with hip pain.
My love for him waivers and it is weak. It's pathetic. My, how the strong have fallen.
I love reading the journals on here and always have, but, lately I end up with one of two reactions after reading through:
1.) Da fuck did I just read?
2.) Kill yourself.
Happy St. Patty's day, everyone. My day is going to be full of flash cards for my genetics exam on Tuesday. Woo.
I'm sorry but I have to laugh at this dude who is just looking for someone to fuck. He lost his left leg and arm in an accident and he's like "you'll never know and it'll bug you forever". Nah, bro, I'm good. I'd just like to see you naked on one side. You'd look like an E.
I don't know how someone can listen to dubstep or EDM for hours on end. I've been to raves and the drugs are great, but listening to it sober? For hours? What the fuck. I always wondered that when I was dating my ex because he insisted on us listening to it constantly. But, much like many of the other dubstep obsessors, he had an unhealthy addiction to his computer and the Internet. But his computer mostly. Dude couldn't go more than an hour without just powering it up. Not even for going online when we were together, but just to have it on, for whatever fucking reason. And not even to webcam record our sex! Anyways, I'm convinced his obsession with dubstep stems from feeling like his computer is finally loving him back.
Boom, EDM lovers explained.
Maybe I'm the first Domme to say this on here, but Jesus Christ, I need to find a job. Being a poor college student sucks.
The worst feeling in the world is truly not knowing if you still love the person you're with romantically.
It makes me laugh that my grandma always signs her text messages. She'll send me something like "don't forget to take out the trash love grandma". Haha.
You can be the head master of shut the fuck up.
It's my sweetheart's 28 birthday today. I'm hoping he won't be too tired after work to celebrate! Downtown Disney and drinks? Dinner? Way too much fun. :3
I'm so exhausted. I feel that my emotions have run out. They've been running from extremely high to extremely low lately due to strictly conditional problems and prizes. This roller coaster is becoming harder to keep up with. Maybe it's time to just take a step back and breathe. I'll go see the snow and dance under the street lights.
Ugh. I fucking hate that I can't just leave. I'd be wasting so much gas if I went home and then school tomorrow but fuck me, Joshua has kept me up for the past 3 hours and I can't fall back asleep. I hate my first math test of the semester plus the rest of the combination in dance. FUCK. I guess I get no sleep. Well, fuck me.
hi, my name is Reginald Buttfart III.
Oh yeah, and I saw your Facebook posts, best friend. Thanks for texting me back when you've got a snow day with no class. Oh, and you too, other best friend, you go to school 6 minutes away and I will drive to you, but neither of you care so I guess I just need to fucking suck it, right?
I'm so fucking tired of not being able to write anywhere. On here, I'm supposed to be this bitch who doesn't have feelings, who doesn't cry when her boyfriend hurts her fucking feelings, who doesn't scream because college is a pain in the ass sometimes. No, I have to be this ugly person so that maybe some random dipshit will talk to me because it seems like no matter how sweet I am to random people, it's never enough to keep them interested in actual friendship on here and that's fine but it gets really fucking frustrating. On a "secret site" I use for posting secrets, I'm a username. I'm my own voice that the regulars know. That my friends know. So, relationship problems? Lol, can't post them there because well, fuck me, I'm supposed to be the one who's holding it all together. Facebook? Oh no. If it doesn't have kittens or adventure time or some fucking lyrics from an obscure band that isn't so obscure anymore thanks to some douchebag radio channel that "found them" and started playing all their songs from years ago, then my "friends" want nothing to do with it. Speaking of friends, my "best friend", oh my best friend. Well, she's too busy having her face shoved up her girlfriend's ass to really care that my life is falling apart or that I've actually for the first time in 6 years seriously contemplated suicide. No, she doesn't care that iMessage shows the time you read my messages or that I know she just decided not to fucking reply. OH NO, I guess that I'm just nothing until she comes home on school break when she needs someone to go to the hookah bar with or dinner or to fucking LA. And even then I'm just her goddamn babysitter. Well fuck me, I'm about ready to fucking explode and I just wish for five fucking seconds that I had somewhere to let it all out and maybe find ONE decent person who's willing to care or just pretend. FUCK.
Thanks for the offers, boys, but I've got myself the best valentine I could ever ask for.
So, today was terribly exhausting. I was able to sleep but I didn't set my alarm so I woke up at 9:10 when I had to leave in 20 minutes. Fine, right? Getting ready took forever because of the aforementioned problems with feeling like a truck hit me except today, I found out why. I fucked up my hamstrings on Monday when I couldn't properly do my warm ups because of full footed tights. Fuck yoga. Fuck not being able to wear my jazz shoes during warm ups. Whatever. Anyways, they were painfully tight, it felt like I couldn't walk like a normal person. So, anyways, apparently I'll never be able to find parking in the mornings. It fucking sucked. So, when I got to class, I couldn't find a seat and had to sit next to the kid who I'm pretty sure has something wrong with him and wears high water jeans and not so white tidy whiteys half way up his back so when he bends over, everything shows. It's ridiculous. So, whatever. I have an hour and 20 minutes between classes when the campuses are 30 miles from each other and it takes 40 minutes to get to. Usually it's fine, but today, of course, it wasnt. I had to buy my genetics book that costed way more than I thought it would, leaving me as broke as a joke then I had to run all over campus to try to find a fucking bathroom that wasnt closed, so by the time I even left the school I had an hour to get to class. Cool, right? No, because I needed to get lunch since mine was left in my car and got all disgusting and hot. So, I get to McDonalds (where else would I go for cheap?) and there is a huge line, I still need to get gas with the $20 I have left to my name and I'm not even ready for dance. So, I end up ordering and the cashier, bless her heart, was amazing and put my order under the heat lamps while I went to put gas in my car and change into my dance gear. At this point, I have maybe 40 minutes to get to school and I'm flipping out but whatever. I only hit a little traffic, however, 10 minutes before my class, I realize, I DIDN'T BRING MY DANCE BAG! FUCK ME! So, now my feet are bloody and blistered from turning and shit on marl?ithout my shoes, foot undies or anything else. It fucking sucks. Today sucks. I just want to cry.
I feel like I can't do simple combinations right. It's so fucking frustrating that I have the rhythm and words in my mind but my body doesn't go. Shoot it out, cross front, cross front, chain?urn, pivot turn, PK (kitty curl), and shoot it out. How is it so hard to figure that out, feet? Jesus. I feel like a goddamn gimp. At least I'm not the only one struggling. It was the first day. Tomorrow has to be better.
I don't know what I expected to feel like today after having my dance audition yesterday. I feel like a truck hit me. No matter how much I worked out between fall semester and yesterday, I definitely did not do enough stretching. Lord have mercy, it's going to be a long first week.
.. Trying to take my bf up to big bear for a special weekend and I found a hotel that has "themed cottages", complete with costumes.. I almost want to spend the $200+ to see the costumes but.. I feel like I wouldn't be okay wearing something someone else's naughty bits have touched.. I'd be inbetween King Arthur and Indian forest. I could be Pocahontas or I could dress up as King and scream that I demand a harem of sluts.
If you want to laugh really hard, go to sweet2grace's profile. The person literally wrote something using paint then pasted the white document over the sign this poor girl is holding. HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?
We all have our preferences but wanting a gal 10 years younger than you, on this site, is a bit much. You can't find one in real life.
Hate, hate, hate hate hate; I don't care what bitches say, I don't even look their way. :] yep, this is for you, you fat ugly cunt. Get a life and quit trying to cyberbully. You're like 40, not 14.
you go, glen coco.
Holy fuck my dance audition is on Monday. FUCK.
I'm way too bored. Responding to everyone's journals. My nose is freezing off.
The last time it snowed here was two years ago. I was with my ex boyfriend. We were going to our secret sex spot. I was driving his car. I fishtailed and he cried and I laughed and it was beautiful. I wish I could've shared that with my new love.
It snowed in Moreno Valley today. Riverside didn't get any of it. My poor friends at UCR are painfully jealous. It was the most excited I've been in a very long time. I only wish it would've lasted longer.
An ex-military and ex-police officer went on a revenge shooting, killing police officers and innocent people.And this man is now loose in my neighborhood.Police are making check points, blocking off streets and posting up on the freeways with their M4s drawn.
Everyone is afraid.
Stay safe, SoCal.
http://wap.myfoxla.com/w/main/story/84477109/
Most of the journals I read provoke one response: "..No."
So, I'm completely aware I shouldn't be asking people online for medical advice but I have a little concern. I have these (what appear to be bug bites) all over my elbow. Only one and they aren't anywhere else. They just popped up last night when I was asleep (didn't have them when I went to bed, had them when I woke up type thing). I washed my sheets last week after my dance with death (the flu and bronchitis), I shower daily, and I have no pets (so it couldn't be fleas unless they're just coming into my house for some reason). But they're all centralized right on my elbow. I know I didn't touch anything weird and I don't think it's bed bugs but has anyone else ever experienced this?
"Yay now I have to go to the post office with my social anxiety and agoraphobia and ptsd and all." Oh, WAH. Lol.
I found your hairband on my bedroom floor,
The only evidence that you'd been here before
And I don't get waves of missing you anymore,
They're more like tsunami tides in my eyes
Never getting dry, so I get high, smoke in the days then I sleep with the light on
Weeks pass in the blink of an eye,
And I'm still drunk at the end of the night
I don't drink like everybody else,
I do it to forget things about myself,
Stumble and fall with the head spin I got
My minds with you but my hearts just not
So am I close to you anymore, if it's over
And there's no chance that we'll work it out
That's why you and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
You and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/ed-sheeran-uni-lyrics.html ]
Everybody said we'll be together forever but I know that,
I never wanna settle down, come around, break up the love like lego now,
Never wanna turn into another like you,
Sleep with my thoughts dance with my views,
Everythings great not everything's sure,
But you live in your halls and I live in a tour bus,
Now I'm in position to be another staker like every thing I say makes it all sound awkward,
Like our last kiss it was perfect, but we were nervous,
On the surface,
And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it,
Pain is only relevent if it still hurts,
I forget like an elephant, or we can use a sedative and go back to the day we fell in love on first kiss
So am I close to you anymore, it's over
And there's no chance that we'll work it out
Oh you and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
You and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
Because, if I was gunna go somewhere, I'd be there by now,
And maybe I can let myself down, ohh
And thinking that I'm unaware, I keep my feet on the ground, keep looking around, to make sure I'm not, the only one to feel low,
Because if you want, I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered, from all that I've done wrong
And I know you'll say, that I'm the only one
But I know that God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will.
And I know you'll say, that I'm the only one. But I know that God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will.
I can't wait to get out of class. I'm going to buy some fresh baked bread and juice. I'm way too excited for food.
Let this come crashing down, there's no way to fix it now; we're lost in the crowd, and our love will soon decay, just look at the mess we've made.. We both know that we can't stay..
One of the most talented dancers and choreographers I've ever had the chance of learning and working with had an amazing opportunity to work with Jennifer Love Hewitt on her new music video debuting "The Client List". She's beautiful. The song is sexy and amazing. Support the arts! target="_blank">
At first, I was curious about Karen's death. I didn't know what was going on. Just saw a couple journals via Brat here and there that were scattered, so yeah, I read the journals. If I'm nosy, then I'm nosy because it was public. And then I had an internal battle on if I should send my condolences. Yeah, I thought she was a bitch to me and apparently I'm a hater, but nobody deserves to die a death before their time. That's just that. I'm a Catholic girl born and raised. But I didn't, out of respect. I just don't think that it's okay for the clique to come back and cyber-bully people. I mean, REALLY? How hypocritical can you get? You're berating and badgering this woman because she said a few things? Ganging up on her and anyone who defends her? That's mature. If you felt so strongly (or if you actually posted the obituary to show that Karen actually offed herself and this isn't just some petty Internet hoax because guess what, THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, more often than you would think), then why would you do unto her what you're so upset she did to Karen? That's just asinine! I get that you're hurt. I get that you're angry. I get that you think there is blame to be placed, but at the end of the day, there simply isn't. Suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary situation, and at the end of the day, nobody could have saved her (or pushed her to do something that she hasn't been thinking of doing anyways). No person, especially online when Karen was obviously so loved amongst her friends, family, and household, could say something so horrendous that she would take herself from the amazing life that she led with a husband she loved. So, hate me. Hate her. I don't care. I'm sincerely sorry she's gone, but she did it to herself, leaving behind the people who loved, cared, and needed her. Be angry with her, that's a part of the healing process, but don't be so stupid to think that this website was to blame. You all claim to be college educated. Try to think about what you're doing. I know it hurts, but this ugliness isn't going to bring her back and I can almost promise that the woman you're bullying isn't going to take her life if you're mean enough. And you shouldn't be so terrible that you would wish that.
Just because you're heartbroken, doesn't mean that you have the right to be nasty to those who you have deemed the cause. It's a time to become stronger, and if you become stronger by trying to destroy the lives of others, then you are nothing but an ugly person who doesn't deserve strength.
I miss you when you're not around but I can't stand you when you're here. Why must my heart be so damn confused?
Jesus fucking Christ. You are 6'7" and almost 300 lbs. In what life did you think you'd make a passable girl?
Well, for all of the lovely people, Dom/mes and subs alike, that have messaged me over the past two weeks about my illnesses, I can say with glee that I may be out of the woods. After four hours in the ER yesterday, I was told I have an ugly viral infection plus dehydration from the vomiting. Nothing much that can be done except for treating symptoms (which, I'm completely fine with!). So, dosed up on medication, I have not vomited since noon yesterday, I have been able to eat solid foods (I was even able to thankfully eat a couple spoonfuls of rice and corned beef hash this morning). But most of all, I was able to sleep a full 7 hours before I woke up coughing, which is longer than I have slept in the last 5 days combined! Now, to wash all my sheets and clothes and disinfect my room. :) Thank you for all the support, love, and advice I've gotten from every single one of you.
It's like subs and Dom/mes only want money today. You're all so ugly, it hurts.
Well, no more shaking but constant vomiting has replaced it. Just my luck.
I've been interested in needle play lately. Not doing or having done. Just looking. But it makes me so nauseous and squirmy. It's funny that I can be completely fine watching most torture videos but these bitty needles have me running for the hills.
You were an ugly dude. What made you think you'd make a pretty girl?
A blind girl, at the age of 9, said "being blind is an advantage because I don't have to see something in order to believe it exists".
How are you a Domme and yet your photos are of you sucking cock? I mean, that's fine and all, but it's not a very dominant position.
Jesus, some submissive females are pathetic. "if you disappeared on me or blew me off and then send me a message like nothing happened thinking I won't remember.." If I remembered EVERY message I've ever gotten from a guy on here, I'd have pushed out years of schooling. You must either not get a lot of messages or are an idiot. Enjoy.
I'm in so much pain. Every time I fall asleep, I wake up a couple hours later rolling around in pain, close to screaming with years running down my face while I shake wildly. It's like I'm so fucking cold but I'm not. It hurts. And it doesn't stop for hours at a time. I don't know what's wrong but I'm afraid. I'm even more afraid of the way it is constant.
I feel like I have to say it.. If you're a mother in California and you lose primary custody of your children, you really had to have fucked up. California is KNOWN for siding strictly with mothers. It's almost unheard of for a father to gain full custody. Seriously.
I'm feeling absolutely terrible. I was supposed to be done with my antibiotics and now I'm sitting here with a fever, vomiting constantly, and body aches. I just want to cry. When will this be over?
Just had one of those experiences. The ones that are funny. A dude asked where in California I'm from. I told him where I live but told him I'm also in a different city half the week due to my boyfriend being there. He says "lol..boyfriend.. Peace". No skin off my nose. I haven't had that happen in awhile though. Most dudes want to suck my man's cock before they want to give up a prospect on here. :] stupid, stupid boys.
I find it pathetic that male Doms post that because they can't find what they're looking for (which is usually unrealistic anyways - women are women regardless of if they like kink, you won't find your unicorn unless you're a unicorn in return - you'll have competition and you'll probably lose). So they just assume all women are sexless, desperate, and scammers. While, I'm sure there are some females on here who are, most aren't. I can get sex daily if I choose. All I'm desperate for is my back to quit hurting. And I only scam retards, not monetarily though, emotionally. Quit being bitter. It's so ugly.
Just feeling absolutely terrible. It's like I'm so fucking hungry but nothing feels filling. Everything tastes off. And then I question if it is, and if it is, is it because its not good? And then I think of all the disgusting molds and bacteria that could be eating my food and it makes me vomit. Then I get hungry and start the process all over again.
I'm not sure if my stomach or ass is going to fall out. It hurts so fucking bad. What do I do..
I'm so cold and tired. My skin feels like frozen paper. Fragile and painful.
So, I've got bronchitis unfortunately. It sucks hard core. Way too much. But, I picked up my medicine today. My doctor wants me to take two teaspoons of a promethazine-codeine cough syrup FOUR times a day! This stuff is usually given to help sleep with bronchitis. This amount doesn't make me pass out but I can't drive. I feel like I'm gonna be asleep for the next couple days. Well, OKAY.
I wish I wasn't so sick. It hurts to breathe.
Need to paint my nails. Goddamnit.
I'm definitely digging Rihanna a little bit more after "Cockiness" dropped. All of the dances I've seen to it are damn sexy and I'd love to have a partner who could dance with me. It's ridiculous. David Slaney did a pretty damn good choreographing. It's weird seeing him with new dancers, but everyone grows, I suppose.
Can't wait until my dance partner comes home from Missouri in May! I'm going to be like, all over him. Even though it's been like two years since he last danced, I'm making him audition with me anywhere I go.
Walk into the club, like "what up, I got a big cock".
I'm so pumped I bought some shit from the thrift shop.
I love this song way too much.
I shouldn't need to wear earplugs to get sleep in my house, but because of the fact that people are severely inconsiderate, I have to.
Sometimes I really hate going to the studio. I love dancing but HATE stretching. I hate when other people stretch me. I hate when two people stretch me. I hate having my arms pulled and my legs pushed further sideways and my back pushed down into the ground. I hate feeling like I'm going to rip at any moment but I don't. But I definitely love the way I look in the mirror when my leaps look beautiful and a laying fan kick looks like a fan kick and not flailing.
Why are Dommes so mean? I mean, what's wrong with a compliment? There are some damn sexy Dommes on this site and if you post a journal, I'm probably gonna say something. Then they're rude to me. Like, I just called you beautiful. You can just say "thank you". I don't want to be your friend.
The english language is extensive, but at the end of the day, there are only so many names you can call someone. There are only so many adjectives to describe someone. And there are only so many combinations of the two that exist. Not to be mean, but most of the journals Dom/mes post don't scream "English major". They don't scream "I know more than 5 degrading things to call a person". And I think after awhile, it just becomes boring for the Dom/me and the sub. So that's why I don't understand online domination and humiliation. I just can't get into it. I'd like to consider myself well versed but even that only goes so far.
I feel bad for the people who go to school with me. I've got my Missy Elliot Pandora on blast and I'm definitely dancing around like a retard. Everyone else can suck it.
Share an interesting fact with me and I may be inclined to show you a face photo.
So, apparently I come off too strong for most people. I didn't know that. So, it's something I've been working on. Now, whenever I see someone stupid, I just smile. They probably need it.
It's a new year, and I'm feeling bullet proof. Fire away.
God, I'm feeling terrible. I'm some kind of sick and I just want to die. It gets better then gets worst then gets a little better and then gets a lot worst. It hurts. My entire body feels like it's one giant ache. My skin feels like it's paper thin and so sensitive that even laying down hurts. I keep coughing even though I got cough medicine and the coughing makes me vomit hard, so I'm constantly trying to keep fold down when I really just want to die because I have no idea what to do. Nothing that I take, nothing that I do has made it better. I hope to God this is the peak of the sickness or I might die.
I'll be taking one of my friends to one of my favorite sex stores Friday night. It'll be fun.
Why is it the Dominant "men" who flood the journal page with disappointed messages of not receiving a submissive/slave under their tree/in their stocking. It's not cute.
I'll never regret anything I've done wrong. I'll only regret the good things for the wrong person.
You don't have time for the attention you want. It's not a one way road. I won't just sit here and be your second. I won't just be here when it's convenient. I won't be here at all.
Well, happy one year with the love of my life. We really fucked it up somewhere. Once perfect, now only a shell of what was and what could've been. Once strong, now slowly decaying - surely and without a doubt. It's true, we love each other immensely, but that will only keep us together for so much longer. Woe is me. And a merry fucking Christmas to all.
Krampus, the Christmas demon, descends on earth to whip the "bad" children before stuffing their bloody bodies into baskets and sending them to the fiery depths of Hell. They're sent to the deepest depths of Hell along side the men who strung Christ upon the cross. Well, if somebody had told me this when I was a child, I'd probably have been less of a trouble maker.
I don't appreciate submissive men making false proclamations of love to me. To begin, you don't know me. You know what I have on my profile and that I have a nice ass. That's barely enough to call knowing someone. Even with the amount of journals I've posted, you haven't scratched the surface. Second, I don't want love that's freely given. It means nothing. It is nothing. If it forms easily, it ends easily, and is easily persuaded, none of that is what I want. Third, why? The best I will give you is a nice smile and a polite response back along the lines of "Thank you", but even so, nothing more. Fourth, I know you've said it to every Jane, Jill, and Franny on this site, and to be honest, that's perfectly fine, you can flaunt your synthetic love just like your credit cards, but honey, if you don't use it, then it means nothing. Silly! Lastly, I love someone. I love someone with all I've got. Actually, I love two handfuls of people wholly and truly. That means, I don't have room for you. I don't have time for you. I don't even have the thought to answer you because at the end of the day, most of you guys don't even listen when I politely decline your offers of your body, submission, money, or love. You somehow think that I will up and leave my boyfriend, or better yet, cheat on him, because you've convinced yourself the words on my profile are the perfect match to what you're looking for and perhaps I'm the one that will give you everything you want and need and dream of, but you aren't that to me. You won't be that to me. Thank you though.
Listening to "I Hope I Get It" from the musical Chorus Line, writing my revaluation for dance, drinking a Kiwi Lime vodka mix, and eating baked Lays. It's literally my entire life in 5 minutes. Chaotic, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I like looking at my pages and pages of admirers and seeing random body parts as peoples' default photos. I have a page of male stomachs (none are 6 packs, btw) and probably another of penises.
Looking for some entertainment while I work today. Who's up for play?
After tomorrow, I only have THREE more days of school for finals and I'll be done with the semester. God, I'm so tired of everything and so happy it's almost over. It's been exhausting, I've worked my ass off, especially in dance, and hopefully Thursday will show my instructor that and I'll be able to move up a dance level in the spring.
Time for some relaxing Christmas music.
I feel bad. My boyfriend took off today so we could sleep in and because of my wonderful wisdom teeth coming in, I can't fall asleep again. I'm trying to lay very still so I don't wake him, just watching Netflix. I keep waking him up and I'm getting extremely frustrated because I keep trying but whatever. He's really cute to watch sleep, no matter how weird that sounds. I want to just nuzzle all over him and kiss his face, and just be in his arms but I don't wanna wake him. :/ poops.
What's wrong with the people posting journals this morning? You're all fucking retarded or absolutely obnoxious.
You are now-ow rockin' with, Will-I-Am and Brittany, bitch.
I once saw a woman on here say that Phantom of the Opera has BDSM undertones. If you think so, your BDSM views are entirely skewed. A concise synopsis of Phantom is that he is a horribly disfigured man who lurks below the theater and terrifies anyone who works/owns the theater by causing things to fall nearly on the heads of people. He falls in love with Christine, who he has secretly mentored, however, when she finds out, she rejects him as she's in love with a childhood friend, so the Phantom, feeling that she OWES him everything after she receives the lead role in the opera, goes on a murderous rampage, that's when the chandelier shatters. If a dominant is stalking you and threatening to kill you and whoever you're in love with because you won't be with him, THAT'S NOT BDSM, THAT'S FUCKING INSANITY. Yes, you could say the Phantom is dominant, but he's also a psychopath. You should never feel like someone owes you their entire life. Especially when you've destroyed basically everyone who tried to compete anyways. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Phantom. It was my favorite musical when I was younger. And although I love Gerard Butler, he had no right playing that. It's phantom of the OPERA, you know, opera. Not phantom of that famous actor. Same went for the movie Sweeney Todd. Sondheim wrote parts meant for a opera trained baritone. And Johnny Depp, although an amazing actor, is not an opera singer. Baritones are generally 6'1", overweight and extremely.. Uncomfortable to look at. Depp, although trying to convey that, is all in all, a pretty boy with a tenor voice meant for a baritone lead. That's just fact.
I really like some of these broads on here flaunting their old ass, saggy titties in some raggedy ass bras in some "seductive" pose crying about submissives not giving them respect.
Can't seem to fall asleep yet, just watching How to Train Your Dragon and thinking about how adorable my sweetheart looks cuddling MY teddybear and not his own.. >_> dang it.
As another note, I was at school and these random black people were talking about Obama and how he's their favorite president, and like usual, they could not give one reason other than the fact that he's a "real nigga". Every time I hear ignorance like that, I stop and think. Shouldn't your favorite president be Abraham Lincoln? You know, slaying all those vampires, freeing your idiotic ass from slavery - which I don't agree with anyways. Stupid.
Wow, well, I actually had one of those "You seem amazing and all, but I don't want to talk to someone who has a boyfriend. Things get complicated." things. That hasn't happened in awhile. But, I suppose it's better this way considering I was completely honest with just wanting to be friends - especially since all we discussed was cooking or baking together. But, it's still funny, regardless.
So, my grandmother randomly decided to change the locks on the doors today. I'm interested in seeing how my mom gets in tonight since she works nights and won't be back here until 2:30-3 am. Lol, I know I won't be woken up since I've got class. :)
Last night I went to see the University of Redlands performance of Cabaret. It wasn't worth the $12. Let's begin with the fact that they castes a female in a male part so a lot of the jokes didn't make sense. They even dressed her as a female although they focused a lot of energy on crossdressing a lot of the other males. She couldve made a dude just fine, beyond that, her voice wasn't meant to hit low notes and she was barely understandable. They tried to set up the stage so there were tables on each side of the actual "stage" so they had a very small area to actually do the play which made the "dance" numbers, if I could be so bold to call them that, very small and they didn't even flow right which was disappointing. They made the "band" crossdress although we only saw them during the first few minutes. They tried to use TVs set up in the back to enhance the program but it turned out looking very forced and undeveloped. They had some child sing a song about holland and he couldn't stay on a pitch to save his life. The lead female was a train wreck, she didn't look like a lead, very bland, and didn't have s strong voice either. The Jewish grocer looked like he was black and Filipino which was confusing to say the least. I mean, with the amount of money the school gets for their arts, they should've been able to do so much better. Especially with the directors and producers involved. I left at intermission because I couldn't stand sitting there anymore. It was really sad and I don't recommend it.
Yup, iPhone 5, here I come.
Am I the only person who reads the journals and thinks that AWayOfPassion and "her master's" journal messages are fucking obnoxious and they need to figure out how to use the messaging system, or better yet, the phone. Jesus.
Apparently I look like a dyke.
So said a fucking fat Mexican twat-waffle who can't hold his liquor.
I pity invited him to a party at my fucking house.
He THREW UP all over my fucking living room, and family photos, THEN LEFT IT WHEN HE FUCKING LEFT IN THE MORNING.
I had to clean up caked vomit first thing in the fucking morning.
And dude says I look like a fucking dyke.
fuck you, cunt face. I'm a vindictive bitch when I want to be.
Guess who's gonna get shit from everyone?
Sure as fuck won't be me.
Faggot.
Oh, Julie Andrews, I love you so~
It's been 10 months since my sweetheart and I started dating, but it'll be a year since we met in a week and a half! How crazy is that? Tehe. I waited an entire month And a half before I let the poor baby call me his girlfriend. :] But, it's been a long road, and it definitely hasn't been easy, but I'm grateful every day for him. Because he is truly amazing. He inspires me. And makes me better than I am. I will always have a special place for him in my heart.
The other day I was sitting with my Daddy, and I was trying to open a pack of our favorite lipbalm, but of course I couldn't get it open, so he told me to give it to him. WELL, I wanted to do it! So when he went to grab it, I nipped at his wrist and hand (usually my response when people try to take something from me). He grabbed my jaw gently and said "Silly baby, you aren't supposed to be biting, are you?" I still tried to bite him anyways but he ended up getting the package and opening it for me. Dangit. :c I still got my favorite lipbolms. AND PEANUT BUTTER.
I'm sagging my pants in class. Am I super cool now?
I hate people who come into the dance room and change the music because they don't like it and put on something that absolutely nobody wants to listen to. Take your headphones and listen to your shitty music in the corner where you belong.
I love my friends. Today I had a midterm at 8 am. My friend texts me 12 hours later saying good luck like we hadn't talked literally last night about it. But I thanked him regardless. I also love that I can text my girl and have her say "I was just tweezing the hair around my nipples! Being Italian is hard work". They make my day.
Then he pointed out, how selfish it would be for me to kill myself. So I keep waking up~
Going through journals always makes me angry. Mostly because of women. Like, okay, let's be honest. Am I the hottest woman alive? Negative. Do I have a nice body? Yep. Am I adorable/beautiful/cute? Yes!
Am I a dog by any standard? No. Am I odd? Yes. Am I skinny? No. Am I obese? FUCK NO. So, that out of the way, I go through journals and I just see these fat, ugly Dommes demanding to be paid for someone to lick their kankles and feet. Eeeeewwwwwww. Don't get me wrong, I have seen larger women who are BEAUTIFUL, stunning even. I have even seen obese women who are stunning, and that's a true to God. But, ew, like, if you don't got a body, please have a pretty face. If you got a man face AND neck fat, like please have a stellar body. I prefer women who are size 7-9 simply because I won't break them between my thighs. NOT THAT I DON'T THINK SKINNY WOMEN CAN BE SMOKING HOT, because I know better. I'm a dancer. I see girls who weigh 90 lbs every day! And I've seen what gross looks like. My old dance teacher had shown us a photo of herself when she was 20 dancing in New York. She's 5' and weighed a whopping 70 lbs. Can you imagine what that looks like? But seriously. I mean, if you're looking for a connection and relationship here as a woman, expect to pay for things sometimes. I mean, damn. I don't work but I still manage to pay for a nice dinner, a toy, movies or something every weekend I'm with my Dom boyfriend. Unless you find a super rich dude on this site (knowing that it's completely possible albeit completely rare), then you should be able to pay sometimes. Damn.
Going through journals always makes me angry. Mostly because of women. Like, okay, let's be honest. Am I the hottest woman alive? Negative. Do I have a nice body? Yep. Am I adorable/beautiful/cute? Yes!
Am I a dog by any standard? No. Am I odd? Yes. Am I skinny? No. Am I obese? FUCK NO. So, that out of the way, I go through journals and I just see these fat, ugly Dommes demanding to be paid for someone to lick their kankles and feet. Eeeeewwwwwww. Don't get me wrong, I have seen larger women who are BEAUTIFUL, stunning even. I have even seen obese women who are stunning, and that's a true to God. But, ew, like, if you don't got a body, please have a pretty face. If you got a man face AND neck fat, like please have a stellar body. I prefer women who are size 7-9 simply because I won't break them between my thighs. NOT THAT I DON'T THINK SKINNY WOMEN CAN BE SMOKING HOT, because I know better. I'm a dancer. I see girls who weigh 90 lbs every day! And I've seen what gross looks like. My old dance teacher had shown us a photo of herself when she was 20 dancing in New York. She's 5' and weighed a whopping 70 lbs. Can you imagine what that looks like? But seriously. I mean, if you're looking for a connection and relationship here as a woman, expect to pay for things sometimes. I mean, damn. I don't work but I still manage to pay for a nice dinner, a toy, movies or something every weekend I'm with my Dom boyfriend. Unless you find a super rich dude on this site (knowing that it's completely possible albeit completely rare), then you should be able to pay sometimes. Damn.
I always forget that Dom/mes believe that the world revolves around them and they were born unto a pedestal as a gift from God. Lol. Inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom are two different things. If you expect for one moment a sub to always be at their knees underneath you, then you're looking for a truly insecure person. All the girls who claim to know "their place under a man" and men who claim the opposite enrage me. A woman's "place" is defined by the individual. You would never see me kneeling down to any one person, but you wouldn't see any person kneeling down to me. I treat my subs and my darling Dom boyfriend as equals. As friends. They're people, just like me. Just because you bought a cookie cutter, mass produced flogger from some subpar toy store doesn't mean you're suddenly the Alpha and Omega. Sorry.
There are very few things that happen in society that move me completely and disgust me. Amanda Todd, the Canadian girl who committed suicide after being bullied, her story itself didn't phase me. People commit suicide more often than the media likes to cover, it's just a fact. But days ago, her nude autopsy photos were leaked online. Are you fucking kidding me! It's completely unfathomable. The girl is dead. What sick pervert gets off on this sort of thing? Who would do it? It's just painful for me to read that there is someone out there that's this pathetic and completely removed from ANY sort of compassion. I mean, that's obvious from the reason she committed suicide, but my God. I'm stunned. I only hope that the hacktivist group, Anonymous has found the right person and have them sentenced accordingly. I was once a bully of sorts. A passive one at best. I'm a mean girl, but I would never, EVER try to push someone that far. I've since cleaned up my act but I cannot imagine how I would feel, nor live with myself, knowing that I single handedly pushed someone to take their own life, that is just unspeakable. Which is why I don't so much like the idea of blackmail as a fetish. Sure, it may be consensual. Sure, it may be for the thrills, but people's lives can be completely ruined to the point that they feel they cannot and will not continue on. Stay safe, CollarMe.
One, don't play Star Trek trivia with DaddyzHome. >_> He will kick your ass, just like he kicked mine last night. I couldn't even find the answers on Google to cheat, that's how awesome he is. Lol. I did wipe the floor with him when it came to American musical theater though. :D I guess that isn't fair though, since he's from the UK. But.. Oh well! :D Secondly, lol at the sub shemale who has no money or job (and apparently no ambition to get either) that wants a Dom/me to buy him a chastity belt but they get to keep him in it for as long as they want! That makes me laugh. Chastity boys, if you want to be held in chaste, then have your own device! That's only fair. You're gonna use it on your dick. Why wouldn't you buy it? That's like a Dom/me making a sub buy them a piece of clothing for their session. Unless the sub refuses to do the session without the Dom/me wearing it, and the Dom/me doesn't want to (like, I personally don't like wearing thigh highs, especially during sessions), then the sub shouldn't be responsible for their partner's wardrobe. Same shit goes for dildoes, okay. I know a lot of Dom/mes have their own strap ons/toys, personally, I prefer my boys to have their own. Yep, I have a toy I use specifically on the boys, but hey, I just think it's gross to have something inside of me that has been in someone else (specifically up the butt), maybe that's just me. Lastly, if anyone in the Inland Empire or Orange County areas wants to be my Latin-dance partner, I'd love to find some places to dance to Latin music and have a good time.
I made pumpkin shaped sugar cookies and hot cocoa. I don't care that it's hot as fuck here in California. It's October and I get my cute cookies and hot cocoa nights, goddamn it.
So, I finally gave in and got an Instagram account. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I'm 19 and all my friends constantly post on Facebook about how amazing it is. It is amazing, I guess. For people who have friends and lives. I have neither, apparently. I just don't feel like posting a photo of my food every day, or what I wore. To be honest, I eat the same things, I wear the same things (Usually days in a row if it isn't too hot, because I'm lazy and I don't see anyone). But, seriously. I joined like two weeks ago and the only photo I have up is a picture of my breakfast from a week ago.
That's the only thing worth mentioning or taking a photo of.
But that makes me think. Photography was made to capture moments. Will my friends look back in two years and really care what they ate on what day at what time and who with? Probably not.
Man, I love stupid ex boyfriends. Today, my ex contacted me and it's not that we ended on a bad note, he's a cool dude, just one of the types who can't commit. He got out of the Navy and then the Army because he couldn't figure out how to get a decent score on the ASVAB. That happened in a span of 5 years. But anyways, he likes to contact me every few months to see if I'm still taken and the like. So, he was like "Hey J, it's Jon". I was like "Hi". He's like "how's life?" I'm like "I'm about to get married" (I'm not but am with a wonderful dude) and that ended that conversation, lol. I swear stupid shit like that makes my night.
It's completely unreasonable for a 40 year old submissive woman to demand for any nonlocal Dom to pay for their travel expenses. Bitch, you are old enough to be a mother, maybe even grandmother, you need to act like an adult and be willing to pay at least half. At the end of the day, same dude can probably pay for a younger, prettier, and better girl than you any day. That's the best part about these fetish sites. You'll find someone for everyone if you look long enough. Hell, I've met all kinds of people, played with different kinds of partners, and met the love of my life. And I did all of that within 2 months. It's not a wonder why you're still single. Lol. You're never gonna find the perfect person, but you should be finding someone who is perfect for you.
I don't know about all the other Dommes, but if you bring me a fresh squeezed orange juice from Jamba Juice, I'm pretty much as happy as I'll ever be.
If you have an opinion on musical theater or the evolution dance, and you can't hold a candle to my knowledge, then I will chew you up intellectually and then spit you out. :] you're welcome.
I'm bullet proof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium.
Guys, if you have masculine face, accept that you're a guy or pay the thousands of dollars you'll need in order to change the appearance of your face. There are a TON of men who I've seen dressed up and I thought "damn, you're a sexy girl as well as a sexy guy". You're not one of them. Get over it.
Life is beautiful. Sometimes I forget that. I'm not even supposed to be awake for another 15 minutes but my body was like "oh, you have a long day? Cool story, bro. Tell me more while I keep you awake." So, I'm sitting on my swinging bench seat in a blanket, drinking iced coffee and smoking a cigarette. Things are pretty perfect and I am blessed.
I DON'T LIKE BEING STARTLED, SO FUCKING STOP IT. My mother likes to fucking startle me.I've been abused all my life by her, my step father (sexually by him also), and an ex boyfriend.Any unwelcome touch brings immediate anxiety.I don't like adrenalin rushes.I don't like being scared.Jesus Christ.
So, my mother likes to wake me up or get my attention by touching me.
Often, I'll fall asleep on my stomach and so she'll come into my room making sure not to wake me and then run her fingernails across the sole of my foot or the small of my back.
Today, I was laying on my side, facing opposite of my door (my sister and I are watching our show) and she sneaks in like a fucking snake and grabs my ass and asks (like she didn't just fucking startle me - she knows she scares me every time because I literally jump and catch my breath) if I want to watch a show with her and my grandmother.
I immediately say no.I tell her to stop doing that.
She fucking won't though.
I get scared when people touch me.If I bending over, putting dishes away and I know it's just my boyfriend and I'm in the house, it still scares me when he comes over and touches my back or wraps his arms around me from behind when I'm doing dishes.
I hate that I'm this way.
I wish my mom wouldn't go out of her way to make things worst, when most of it was caused by her anyways.
Cunt.
Dommes who are rude for no reason are immediately considered ugly people in my book, regardless of how beautiful your photos are. You're not better than me.
That funny moment when you see people on this site who also use Craigslist for play partners/lovers.
Watching Spongebob, thinking about a couple weekends ago. My boyfriend took me to BJ's for pizza and automatically I busted out into song. KRUSTY CRAB PIZZA, IS THE PIZZA, FOR YOU AND ME - positively.
So, I'm taking a musical theater appreciation class. I have to say that I'm so incredibly in love with it. But, what makes it amazing is the broad amount of topics we go over. Well, today, we were talking about Showboat, the revolution of the modern day musical theater based on a novel. Then we started talking about how one would try to make an adaptation of a current contemporary novel that is so extremely well known into a musical and how hard it would be. Then he said "Imagine trying to turn, I don't know, Fifty Shades of Grey into a broadway musical! It would be completely impossible. It wouldn't fly, but they are making a screenplay of it, and well, that'll be a bunch of softcore porn that no one in their right mind would see." But, it's funny, to me, that so many people will like it, mostly because people in general don't know what good is. They don't know how far media has come. They don't know how opera shaped Gilbert & Sullivan, that they don't know how G&S were taken by minstrels and how minstrels were taken by Vaudeville and how Vaudeville was taken by George Cohan, and George Cohan was taken by the princess theater, how the princess theater became the follies, and eventually, eventually Showboat became modern day musical theater. And all of that is just up to the late 1920's. They don't know what is good because they don't care. It's quite a sad progression. I don't know. It's funny how many people in the class knew the novel. How mainstream it's become. But, at least they know it's bad. From a merely theatrical background.
Well, this weekend was such an amazing weekend for my boyfriend and I. I love him with everything I am. It was perfect because it wasn't. We fought this weekend, more than once. But at the end of the day, we fell more in love. And sex has been incredible. I got a bit cross-faded on Saturday night as a celebration. I did great on my history exam Friday. Between the alcohol and pills, I needed to have my tits beat. I'm not sure when I turned into a pain slut, at least not to this extent. I got ontop of his cock and rode him for almost 15 mins straight while he bit, sucked, mauled, slapped, and used our newest toy (a heavy clapper-esque leather impact paddle with a heart shape imprint) all over my tits and nipples. The amount that I came was astounding. I could feel my cum covering not only my thighs but his cock, balls, thighs, and even his stomach. My tits haven't been this badly bruised in years. They both just look like they are one giant bruise. Thankfully, I can cover them with my sports bra, which is all that matters since I am a dancer and I expose a lot of my body during class. Today, we hit 9 months. It's been such an amazing journey, and we have so much further to go. We've been discussing a winter wedding. Secretive. Very small for only a select amount of people. We'll get married at a court house in the snow. In a black gown to contrast the white winter. The completion of ying and yang. Two parts finally combined. Eternally. All I have is his. And I give it freely.
It's my birthday! :D 19! And my first kiss of the day was from my darling boyfriend. Now he's passed out again, lol. My cutie pie.
I'm a hard core republican but I saw the funniest photo of Obama. It was him pointing with a somewhat angry face to him and it said "Y'ALL KNEW THIS COUNTRY WAS FUCKED UP WAYYYYYY BEFORE I GOT HERE". I laughed so hard. I feel like that's how I would be in a situation like that.
I'm turning 19 on Saturday. Goodness me, my last teenage birthday!
Like a tourist with no sense of time -
You run the sidewalks in your mind.
Then, you open your eyes:
?Hello? said the daisy.
?Welcome to a world called crazy -
Tell me, have you been here lately?"
The tulip giggled in reply,
The masquerade caught your eye.
When you walked in the room,
The door disappeared behind you.
You chase answers like twirling dancers,
Don't you? Don't you?
Oh, oh, oh, oh?
Don't you? You do, you do it!?
The knight rode in on a Great Dane,
The absurdity seemed so sane.
He gave you a bar of soap.
On the front read the word 'hope'.
He said "When the last sud remains
You're gonna circle the drain".
You chase answers like twirling dancers.
Don't you? Don't you?
Oh, oh, oh, oh?
Don't you? You do, you do it!?
I have a dance audition for the Winter showcase for my college tonight at 6 PM. I'm absolutely terrified! AH! I had an amazing dance class this morning. I finished my financial aid, thank God. I have an hour and a half before I need to start getting ready and to hopefully be able to test if I can do turns and leaps with the tape I have currently. I'm terrified I won't get it simply because I haven't done turns (especially more than just one) or leaps in a year, and I'm still working with inflamed tendons. I'm praying I'll get by on personality and technique, but at the very least, I'll be able to see how my school holds their auditions and I'll be ready for next time. Confidence confidence confidence! <3
Your house, the coffee tastes like dirt.?Not because I'm hurt, that's just what it tastes like.?Dirt roads, remind me of my skin -?Not because I'm wasting away,?with the gravel you ground in, that's what it feels like.
I won't be sorry, won't go moping around.?In fact I'm doing quite well for now.
There's something giving up, that sounds so bitter sweet.?Think I'll throw in the towel right now (but fold it nice and neat).?I'll lay low on the ground and I'll be on my feet?when I can breathe, when I'm good and ready.
This tree, with lovers heart engraved, not?because I'm lonely, just because I hate it.?Sunshine digs underneath my nails, not?because I'm burning all my hopes,?scorching all my faith, as far as I can tell -
And I'm not bitter, I'm not mouthing off words.?Look at my face, believe me now.
There's something giving up, that sounds so bitter sweet.?Think I'll throw in the towel right now (but fold it nice and neat).?I'll lay low on the ground and I'll be on my feet when?I can breathe, when I'm good and ready.
I'm incredibly lucky to have the support system I do. My friends, family, but most constantly, my boyfriend. When I need him, he's there for me without a single thought. I was upset that he couldn't be with me when I put Rudy down, but he was working, and I understood that. He made it up to me by coming over after work. He held me and helped me clean up the aftermath of my dog's passing (the bloody mats in the garage and towels). He showed me compassion and love. But I expect nothing less from him. Even on his worst days, he's still my perfect darling. In my eyes anyways. It's funny how things turn out. He's seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly and he loved me all the same. I'm a tough girl. I fight, I curse, I tease, I hurt, but through all of it, he's kept me grounded. Sometimes he drives me crazy, or maybe I drive myself crazy over him, but it's because I'm emotionally invested. Like Dr. Suess said, we fall in mutual crazy and call it love. Our relationship is perfect in my mind. We fight, we scream, we cry, but at the end of the day, there's no person I'd rather be with. We have date nights. He takes amazing care of not only myself but my family. He loved my dog. He loves my siblings. He loves all of us. And it's funny how this started out as a game. A game to see who would fall first. I gave in first. I told him I loved him. And god, did I love him. I always will. And I'm a lucky girl.
I was forced to put my dog down today. I'm heartbroken.We didn't know how bad it was until this morning.I walked into the garage and her entire bed was covered in bloody vomit and shit.It littered the garage and made me sick.We took her to the vet hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.She's 14.She's had a good run.When we got there, they looked her over and took a stool sample.It was black and bloody.I held her against me and sobbed.The vet came in and he gave me the options, saying by the way she looked and the lump he already felt through her fur that she had cancer and with her age, even with treatment, she wouldn't get much better than she was.It was time to let go.I called my mom and boyfriend.My mom was at school.My boyfriend at work.I was alone with the dog I've raised and loved.I decided not to take her home and have everyone say goodbye to her.She was hurting and I couldn't be the one to prolong it.So, I decided to put her down.The vet told me I shouldn't be in the room.He advised against it knowing I was so heartbroken and I almost went but I looked back and she stared at me with her cold sad eyes.I had to stay.So, I held her one last time and they injected her.I felt her die.I kissed her cheek and held her again, hoping God had taken her for a good reason, and I left.We're having her cremated.I have her collar hanging on my rear view mirror.I loved her.I still do.
I'm hung over and sore. My entire body feels like it's on fire. I hope that it recovers by tomorrow since I've got a dance class come Tuesday morning. I need a good massage. My boyfriend isn't good at those. But he does make me laugh when he tries to anyways. Last night was date night and sex lasted for hours, literally. It felt really good. My hip and knee are killing me. I'm not sure how well I can move them. I got on Facebook and the first thing I see is my smug ex boyfriend talking about how he got this amazing apartment in an amazing area up north and he can't wait till his girlfriend comes up to live with him. It pisses me off so fucking much. He doesn't deserve anything he has. He hasn't worked hard for anything. And he likes to rub it in my face constantly. Even got a nice message yesterday about his girlfriend. I hope she knows that he still thinks about me. That if I let it happen, he'd bend over backwards for me. I leave that kind of imprint on people. But especially him. All I can say is, I'm better than that.
I feel as if life has finally broken me. I have nothing and for the first time, I'm thinking that maybe it's best if I just stay down. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, whoever is reading this really.. I, Toxic Princess, being of sound mind and body, hereby swear to try, but never enough - to reach, but never touch - to be, without becoming. What's the point anyways?
People are amazing to me. If YOU are a "dedicated night owl" who can't be a decent person in the morning because YOU didn't sleep, that's something you need to change. I know that you think the world rotates around you, but it DOESN'T. I get pissed off when I'm woken up by someone inconsiderate, and I will become the biggest bitch if it happens, but I still do not tolerate people who are dicks when they chose not to sleep earlier. If I can sleep maybe 4 hours, get woken up with my boyfriend in order to make his breakfast or lunch when I don't need to be up, and still be a decent person, THEN SO CAN YOU. In fact, I went to my school today to get my books, I laughed with people, I was asked on a date, I was friendly, and I even saw one of my students who I apparently inspired to go to college! Nobody would have been able to tell I only slept 4 hours and that I felt like crying from exhaustion and aches. It was cold this morning and my bad knee/hip felt like they were going to just rip off of my body. Also, there was a person I saw who is ONLY looking for teen subs, YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GET A STUPID GIRL. Most 18/19 year old girls are stupid. That is that.
Wow. You're surprised no one wants to see a 26 year old man in a fucking diaper? I'm all for Daddy-Mommy/little play. I am. I love it. But, adult babies disgust me.
Well, my sweetheart has already left me for work. That boy is going to be the death of me. I wake up with him at 5:45 every morning, but this morning was different. I couldn't seem to sleep very well so I was awake at 5 and just about to fall back asleep when his alarm went off. Well, that was fun. He gave me a nice kiss on the back of my neck like I usually do him and I tell him to turn off his alarm. He does. We lay back down. Five minutes goes by, his other alarm goes off. Sigh. Go turn it off. He does. Comes back to bed. Another three minutes and another alarm goes off! I'm annoyed. I tell him to turn it OFF. He gets up and goes to shower, I try to get back to sleep, feeling a bit exhausted knowing I'll be driving all over today. So, I'm just about to fall back asleep when my darling is done with his shower, he comes to lay down in bed and wraps me up in his arms from behind and whispers he loves me. We cuddle and I tell him I'm so lazy I wanna die and I don't wanna go to school! He says I don't have to, but I do. My laziness won't get any better. Speaking of which, I need new dance shorts and jazz shoes for class. I hope I can find a discount dance store around here. I don't know why dance gear has to be so damn expensive! Anyways, we talk for a little bit and then he's off even though I wanted him to stay with me. He gave me a nice kiss and then Beary. Now I'm laying in bed, it's cold and I just want to be with my sweetheart. Sigh. The joys of being in love, right? On another note, my friend had a miscarriage yesterday. She's incredibly torn about it and her boyfriend isn't helping in the absolute least. She already blames herself and he's making her feel worst, like going out of his way to say terrible things. I'm almost glad they aren't having a child together. Not only has he cheated on her but they can't even stay together for more than a week without breaking up. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Also, to a sub female who posted a journal yesterday stating she wanted the "damn thing" out of her stomach because she "missed being bound and gagged", FUCK YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE A CHILD. If the FIRST thing you think about is being able to play again when you're about to bring life into this world, you're a fucking terrible person and I feel bad for your child.
I just want to cuddle and be acknowledged. I know you have work in the morning. I know you're tired but I spent 20 minutes rubbing lotion into you and massaging you, the absolute least you can do for me is let me cuddle into you instead of laying on your stomach to avoid any attempts. Maybe starting school is a good thing. Maybe you'll realize the things I do for you when I'm not here. Or maybe you won't. Who fucking cares.
THE fastest way to upset me is to tell me that I'm upset or to calm down when I'm not upset. It's just obnoxious. If I'm upset, you'll know. I will TELL you, otherwise, just leave it the fuck alone. Fuck.
Tonight's journal is on compassion.
My boyfriend and I went to the movies. On our way home, we saw this man on the street corner dressed in a Scooby Do costume with a cart and his belongings. On the side of the cart it said "Hungry Dogs". It was comical. We laughed. I dropped Josh back off at home and went to the gas station as I was craving an Icee, but when I got there, the man was at the gas station and I got a good look at his dog. This dog was a beautiful Mastiff, obviously very hungry and very sad, the look in his eyes killed me. I went inside looking for the Icee machine, it was out of order, so I walked across the street to the other gas station and they didn't even have an Icee machine, so I decided that it had to be a sign. Maybe from God, maybe from the universe, but I took it as one. I looked for a good bag of jerky but couldn't find anything. As I walked to the cash register, I spotted monster Slim Jims (about 2 times the size of regular ones) and I bought two of them. I didn't say what it was for, I left the change in the little cup near the register and went to find the man. I walked back to where my car was in the next parking lot and couldn't find him. I looked for five minutes and then I spotted him on a corner across the street. I ran over to him and said "Hello". He looked at me and I gave him the Slim Jims. I expected to just leave it at that. He smiled and looked at his dog and said "Buddy, you've got a beautiful angel here, come say Hello!" The dog got up and was sniffing at the food I had handed the man, and although the dog came up to my waist, he made absolutely NO attempt to jump up and grab it, he sat right next to my leg as I petted him. The man said I could feed one of the slim jims to him, so I opened the package and broke it off in bits although I was sure he could down it all in one bite. I fed him from my hand and he didn't so much as nip my fingertips, he got it off my hand very gently and then ate it, although it was apparent that he was very hungry. When I had given him the last piece, he licked my hand as if to say "thank you" and laid down again. The man thanked me and I walked back to my car. A Mexican man in a work truck looked at me and said "Thank you and God bless you for being such a caring person. Not many people would have given a poor man anything", he then asked if I'd like to see his dog. He then called out this little dog and we talked for a couple minutes, but I just wanted to come home to my boyfriend. So, I left. It made me think of so many people who had lost their pets because they were homeless but this man had managed to keep his. He shared what little he had with his animal and that amazed me. I have so much respect for him. To be able to degrade himself into wearing a stupid costume to perhaps get a few cents to be able to feed himself and his dog, that man is a saint. I don't have much now when it comes to money. I only had $5 on me and it all went to that man and his dog. I may not have much but I would share what I do have with anyone who needed it more than I do.
There are good people in this world. Are you one of them?
I am a pretty indifferent person when it comes to most people and things (initially). I don't get riled up about social issues often. I like to stay logical, HOWEVER, people are now trying to BUY AND SELL footage of director Tony Scott's SUICIDE. That's fucking despicable. It is said there were camera and camera enthusiasts all over the bay in which he took his life. Some were recorded from 10-20 FEET away. How, HOW, does someone not care enough about another human beings' life that they do not offer to help the person, to talk to them, to try to better the situation, BUT TO ACCEPT THAT THEY WILL WITNESS A SUICIDE AND IT SHOULD BE VIDEOTAPED. A man jumped to his death. It isn't a movie. It isn't staged. He's DEAD. Let his spirit rest. My God, I can't believe this is even an option. It's unfathomable.
Okay, girls, this is a warning to all of the submissive/slave/switch girls I know. MasterCyranus is dangerous. He's stuck in a fantasy world where you don't matter. It isn't a role-play to him. He actually feels that he is the god of all that is and all that will ever be. He's upset he can't find a "slave" who will give up their rights as a human being 24/7/365. Oh, and to the Dommes, It doesn't matter that you've placed yourself as a Dominant, he'll still try to treat you like a doormat! Hah! That didn't go too well for him. Apparently if he wanted my opinion, he'd give it to me. Someone is delirious. Anyways, girls, don't get with a man like this. It's just an abusive asshole posing as a Dominant. You've been warned.
I find sub boys where I least expect them, like the grocery store. Odd how cute little things can tell a dominant gal just by the look. Anyways, he's cute. Maybe I'll let him stick around. I've got some aches and pains in my legs and feet, perhaps a nice massage would help me.
When I was younger, I used to hate my breasts. They came in quickly and when I broke my bra running in the 8th grade, no girls in the locker room had one that could fit me. But, as I've gotten older and by being on this site, I've learned to like my breasts because goddamn, I've seen some fucked up ones trolling through pictures.
Yeah, this goes out to a certain female: You had initially made it seem like your husband would let you play with others, then it turned into he would only let you play with people he got to know, now it's HE WON'T LET YOU PLAY WITH ANYONE AT ALL EXCEPT FOR HIM. But, that doesn't stop you from being on here, does it? No, why should it? This isn't the best site to find friends on. Try Facebook or F-e-tlife (the Facebook of the BDSM world)! If you put slutty pictures up, you don't get to be upset when everyone you talk to wants a piece, there's something you can do to change that. Know what it is? Change your pictures. That's it. You'll definitely have less of a problem with everyone wanting to fuck you.
People are funny. Male Doms especially. I've seen more men in the last few hours proclaim that they are "back" as if they're the second coming of Jesus. Nobody cared when you "left", nobody cares that you're "back". Also, idiots, physical attraction goes BOTH ways. Just because you don't find someone attractive doesn't mean they'll find you super attractive and therefore just be heartbroken that you won't fuck them. Yawn. Guys, learn that there are A LOT more of you on this site alone than females, therefore, you may get to be picky, but we get to be pickier. Why? We simply have a larger selection. That's it. Yeah, maybe you're shallow, but in comparison to other men on this site, you're shit tier, baby, and a "I'm not interested" or "You're ugly/fat/whatever the insult may be" isn't going to matter, and if it DOES, then congratulations, you've found an insecure girl. As if it's hard to in this day and age, hah! Call me fat, I'll agree. Call me ugly, and I'll laugh. Call me stupid, I'll prove you wrong. Call me boring, I'll entertain the idea. At the end of the day, I may not be the prima ballerina, I may not be America's next top model, and I may not be Miss Universe, but I am NOT a dog by ANY standards. Don't like facial piercings? Cool. Don't like short hair? Even better. Don't like a girl that's willing to say "You're fucking wrong and here's why"? You've just met your worst nightmare. I know my faults. I flaunt my flaws. I don't sugarcoat even my ugliest days, traits, or actions. I am, and you will respect it, or you will have a bad time, bro.
Well, I've been obsessed with listening to the Hush Sound today, not sure why, but anyways. A couple things, one, upskirt photos aren't classy, they aren't cute, they aren't alluring. They ESPECIALLY aren't attractive when you're a dude in a thong and all you see is hairy ballsack. WHAT THE FUCK, DUDES? When did you think that would be cute? Fucking learn to shave, my god. Anyways, the past two days have been amazing. I'm not sure why, but my boyfriend has just been a life saver, literally. Last night we went to Chili's. We watched some old crack addict dude (that we named Curtis - who his friends call Cooter) hit on a pretty 21 year old. He even slapped her butt. He was hanging all over her and her friend/date she was with just let it happen, when he was a big black guy, but then again, they all work there and were drunk, so who cares? It made me a bit irritated and I didn't particularly want to drink since I need to be in a calm environment when I do, I did anyways and ended up having a good time, my boyfriend took me home, I challenged him to a shot, he took it and we fucked, my god, we fucked. He fucked me so good I was sore when we fucked tonight. So, anyways, tonight was fun. We decided to go to some pizza/pasta house that Yelp! recommended. I don't know the name of it, but it was absolute dick. It was supposed to be "authentic" with shitty paintings on the wall, a flat screen playing wine grape picking (boring), and an Italian cook. We had some old Romanian bitch server. We ended up leaving. We trolled over to the Olive Garden and actually had an amazing time and dinner. We tend to make fun of couples. We saw what we'd look like if we actually looked exactly like our ethnicities. Apparently I'd have Down Syndrome and he'd be a fat Napoleon Dynamite. That was absolutely hilarious. The tits on the dude was the best part. But, we saw a dude we both felt bad for. He couldn't be older than 20 and he was completely bald from forehead to the back of his head save for a few thin comb-over pieces. Every time he'd come over, my boyfriend would remind me to control my loins. Obviously this dude had me going like Ol' Faithful! But, I did have the most boring people sitting behind me. We had a Mexican Oompa Loompa who swore he ran a marathon and a fat girl who worked in retail and went into extended detail of how she could not take credit cards for purchases less than $2! You don't even WANT to know what happens at $3, it's like the reckoning. Lastly, as I was driving home, a motorcycle tried to challenge me on the freeway. Like, it would get behind me and if I signaled to change lanes, it would follow me very closely and try to pass (mind you, the other lanes were clear, he was just being a dick). I'm sitting there like "You're gonna have a bad time, bro". If he crashed into my car, it would suck to be him, mostly because it would be his fault and he'd get a lot more hurt than I would. When I crashed my car last October, it was beat up, but fixable. The other car had no front at all. It was done right then. Camry's can take a damn beating! I don't care what anyone says. I still want a little truck though. Preferably an Xtreme, but I'll settle for an F-150. I wouldn't let my boyfriend be in it with me though. He'd make the undercarriage scrape on the ground since he's getting so fat. Ugh, ew. He's turning into SHAMU, lol. Jk, he's sexy and I love him.
I'm sorry, boys, but if you aren't circumcised, it's an automatic turn off to me. I hate the way it looks. Especially soft or if you're small. I don't understand why men decide to post photos of that as their default.
I threw up on my boyfriend's cock twice during oral and he was still able to cum in my mouth. How fucking perverse are we? Lol! <3
I've been in a very loving mood lately. Not sure why, just have been, so if you're getting a message from me responding to a journal, take it at face value. Submissives: I don't want you to be mine, I don't want to steal you from your Dom/me. I don't want to play with you. If I did, I'd say it. Dominants: I don't want to submit to you, or play "who has the bigger dick". I just want to respond to journals like a normal person. I have a boyfriend, so if I respond to a male Dom, it's not because I want to be with you. I just happened to see a journal and responded accordingly. We're supposed to be a community. That means we accept that there are other Dominants - maybe who are better or more experienced - but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. Don't be a bitch to me. I don't send hate mail. I may disagree with something you've said but I say it politely, and assume you can handle that as you've posted it publicly.
If you "live for" atheism, and your hard limits include every sort of political views including activism of any kind, we are very unlikely to get along. I'm a full fledged, devoted Catholic, but I do not "live for" my religion, I DO live for my country and how it is run. Why? Because this is where I live, it constantly effects me and what I am able to do. I do not put my religion before my patriotism, and vice versa, however, I am less likely to talk freely about my religion than I am to talk about my views on politics - especially during an election year. I am completely accepting of all religions. I agree that no religion (including my own) has all the answers, but every religion has some truth. I, however, DO NOT support OR acknowledge atheism, nor do I stand for it. It is not because you are denying my God specifically. It is not because of what the leader of the Atheist group said after 9/11. It isn't even because of the random bullshit they believe. I won't stand for it because it's a "belief system" that can be substituted as a "religion" that revolves around the idea that something doesn't exist. It's stupid as fuck! You have to acknowledge the fact that it may exist in order to deny it which crumbles the entire belief system. It's boring. And that's my view. You can have your own. These are mine.
Well, darling started his first day of work today. I heard his alarm before he did so I nuzzled the back of his neck and gave him soft kisses until he woke up. Of course when he was done with his shower, he had to wake me up again, so I got up to make him breakfast, I was lucky he didn't have to leave super early. I made him an egg, bacon, and cheese flatbread sandwich and made sure he drank water so he wouldn't get a headache. He's a sweetheart. I miss him and I'll miss waking up to him but I'm glad he's going to be working again. I'll be going back to school soon. Now it's time to get some sleep before I pick up my kids from school. <3
I think the worst feeling in the world is not to be alone, but to be surrounded by people you cannot talk to. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to profess my love for a child that will never be mine. In fact, I want to talk about having one of my own, but there isn't anyone I can talk to about it. I know I'm young. I know it would not be the best idea for me to have one now, and to be honest, I won't because I can't support a child, but it doesn't mean that I can't want a child. One to love unconditionally, to show everything I wasn't and be taught how to care and to be cared about. I'm tired of hearing "Me too". I'm tired of hearing "You're too young". I'm tired of hearing "One day". I just want someone to fucking indulge in my desire for a child - for five fucking minutes.
Every day, my darling boyfriend bends over backwards to make me happy. Last night was hard, and for those who messaged me in regards to my journal, thank you. I'm okay, but sometimes I get very angry about my ex boyfriend and the fact that he is spoon fed everything, and does not NEED to learn how to take care of himself because his daddy will give him money whenever he wants, and makes sure that everything in his life is fucking perfect while I work my ass off constantly. I was lucky growing up. I was never poor. I never wondered where my next meal would come from. If I asked for it, I got it. If I wanted to travel, all I did was ask and we did. It was great. It wasn't until I was 17 that things started going downhill when my grandfather died and our bank accounts were frozen. It was incredibly new to everyone. Although the things I have to show for my life can be counted on one hand, I'm happy that I have an awesome boyfriend. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Seriously pissed. I'm pissed that my ex boyfriend who is literally a terrible person gets everything handed to him while I'm a fucking great person and I struggle. I'm pissed that he could choose to just quit drugs and go to rehab after 3 years and then be able to fucking get an amazing job up north with IT. I'm pissed that he took everything I had and now he's a fucking rockstar and what do I have to show for myself? Nothing. I fucking hate the fact that it bothers me so much but it does. I hate that I have worked so fucking hard to be where I am and it's still shit in comparison. I hate that I can't talk to anyone about it. I wish his friends and family weren't so blind-sighted. It's as if they don't even care that he's through and through, a terrible person. I would fucking know. People say I'm exaggerating but I'm not. A year of my life was dedicated to him. When I lost the two men that meant the world to me and my life was flipped on its fucking head, he just made me want to kill myself. He abused me, he got me addicted to drugs, he manipulated me, stole from me, and played me. I'm the one who believes in God, I believe in strength and destiny, so why is it that I'm the one who ends up with shit always?
WOW, that super awkward moment when a man looking for an adult baby SPECIFICALLY calls out any Dom/me ages 18-25. Well, I guess you WOULD know babies, wouldn't you? Maybe because adults can't stand you. By the way, you've been on here how many years trying to find what you want? It took me two months. Yeah. I think I won.
Well, I think I may quit smoking cigarettes again. Partly because my boyfriend hates it. Partly because I'm getting a lung infection again. Partly because paying $12 a week (3 packs) is pretty damn expensive. Mostly because I'm going to start dancing again - hopefully not only at school but in a new studio - and although it's helped me keep a stable weight, even lost weight, it produces a lot of mucus and causes me to choke, feel like shit, and just want to be happy again - not always worrying if I can buy another pack or put money into my tank. :]
The FBI has better things to do than track down some random dude who's harassing you on a BDSM site. Like, that was retarded, even as a joke, lol.
Sometimes when I'm with my boyfriend, I cry. For no other reason than, I love him so much I don't know how to handle it. Some might call me a beginner in love, but an expert in lust. I feel almost child like in his arms, suddenly the world becomes a lot brighter, the future seems to be limitless and I find passion that I thought was long expired. I'm so proud of what he's accomplished in his lifetime. And I'm proud to be his. Yes, sometimes I feel lonely. Yes, sometimes I feel unsure. But, he does not make me feel these ways. That is my own doing. He loves me, truly and deeply, and I love him. I only wish I could show him and open up to him fully. It's something I'm working on. I only hope I have the strength to do it before it ruins us.
Oh, okay, I forgot that we're gonna just go ahead and use books that sophomores in high school have to read in order to make a point. I thought 1984 was a terrible book. My boyfriend would disagree considering the tattoo on his leg, but I digress. If you're not even going to pick out something significant about the novel like, I don't know, the council of elders (like we're fucking Jedis here), or big brother, or anything that someone would remember and say "yes, that was a big factor", then go away. Seriously. I wouldn't even remember that part and I read it about three and a half years ago. Ugh. How about we use something super obscure, and we'll see how well you like it. -_-" I know people equate knowledge to intelligence, but it usually isn't so. I know a lot of shit I don't need to. Do YOU know the legal shooting span between a buck's antlers? No? I do. Do YOU know what is inside the little ball ontop of every flag pole and the significance of the items? NO? I do. Do YOU know about the Palawan Massacre during WWII or the Manilla Massacre of 2011 and how the Philippines government FAILED? NO? Okay, well fuck you. But, that doesn't mean I'm a goddamn genius. It means I have way too much goddamn time on my hands, which is probably the case of most the sorry saps that journal on here about the woes of the Internet. Christ,
Ouch. My area just got put on tornado watch. We haven't had a bad tornado here since my sophomore year in high school. It picked a train right off the tracks and moved it a couple feet which could have been dangerous if it would've hit the air field on the other side of the freeway. There's thunder, lightning, and the rain is pouring down.
I've been watching fish tank shows today and I just heard probably the best phrase I've heard in awhile: The best way to determine what fish will work well together in a tank is if a fish can fit in another fish's mouth, they will get eaten. I almost died laughing when I heard this. I have a passion for fish. My uncle who I've always been incredibly close with used to own a large fish farm in the hills of LA in a beautiful mansion. There were 20+ large fish pools in the backyard and I loved it. When he sold the house, he gave most of the fish to us which was terrible. It was the summer, we're trying to transfer hundreds of fish in trashcans a hundred miles to the desert IN THE SUMMER. It gets hot as fuck here and we can't just dump all the fish into our tank, so they sat in our garage. A ton of them died, but we ended up with 20+ fish in our tank. It's nice, in my opinion. I'd love to have a salt water tank soon, but maybe that'll be a surprise for the boyfriend when he gets an apartment. Especially since we want a kitten. I don't want a tank they'll get into, fall into, or have a chance of eating the fish. My close friend Tony has a kitten who's getting large, but he also has a pretty large fish tank. The kitten will put his paws in the tank and then trot over to Tony and swat his paws into tony's face. It's too cute. :)
I'm exhausted. I danced my little butt off till the early morning. Dance is something that I'll always have a strong passion for. It's beautiful. On a less beautiful note, I tried chewing tobacco for the first time yesterday. I know, disgusting, right? I tried. I did. So, I went about 3 minutes until I choked and swallowed a little bit of it and then vomited. My uncle loves the berry flavored kind. I thought that was cool. If they made actual flavored ciggs that sold retail and not only online (not the fucking Swishers either), I think they'd get a lot of revenue, but I digress. Maybe I'll always be a fat kid at heart but once something is in my mouth, I have an instinct to swallow it. I probably have at least a couple erasers from pencils I chewed on still in my stomach. I can't help it!
There's a place that I know,?it's not pretty there and few have ever gone. If?i show it to you now,
will it make you run away?or will you stay? Even?if it hurts,even if I try to push you out;?will you return and?remind me who I really am? Please?remind me who I really am.
Everybody's got a dark side. Do?you love me?Can?you love mine?Nobody's?picture perfect, but?we're worth it - you?know that we're worth it.?will you love me? Even?with my dark side?
Waiting for my big daddy to come over so we can take the kids to go get some ice cream, spend some time with them then watch Let Me In. It's a good movie and he hasn't seen it yet. :]
It seems people have a problem with figuring out what topping from the bottom is. Topping from the bottom is truthfully having a Dominant who is not secure in themselves. Oh, your sub does not want to do that? They want to try something different? They say no? THAT IS THEIR RIGHT BY BEING A PERSON. Being a Dominant does not mean you are a God/dess that all social rules don't apply to. If you happened to be with any other female and they wanted something, or possibly didn't, you wouldn't say they're topping from the bottom, you'd say "okay" LIKE A DECENT FUCKING PERSON. Yes, subs and slaves get snippy and bratty sometimes. Yes, there's a difference between saying "I won't do that" and "Fuck you". if you command respect and loyalty, that is what you will get. If you allow a sub to "top" you, then that is a problem YOU have, not them. You're insecure. You can't handle anybody saying "no" to you, or limiting your self proclaimed sexual escapades to the heights of passion. And that's okay, but you need to realize that. Every single person who steps into a relationship is forced to compromise. Whether you're a Dominant, sub, slave, whatever - you will have to learn to bend without breaking. It's a hard road, but it can be absolutely amazing if you allow it to. Just open your heart up and be a fucking person, not jaded fucktard who needs a reality check in the form of an ass kicking.
Safe words. I've seen multiple journals about them lately. Odd things. Safe words are for extremists, play partners, and strangers. In a relationship, the Dominant is in charge of never losing control of themselves and always being conscious of the sub they are with. I will not play with anybody I cannot read completely. I simply will not risk it. If a sub has to use a safe word, something wrong has happened. Communication had to have broken down, someone was not presently paying attention. I respect those who use them for sessions, but once you're in a relationship, it's not a session because it does not end after the thrill is over. It doesn't. If I were to play with my boyfriend, I would not need a safe word. One tensed muscle, one whimper, one tap, and he will stop completely. That is what D/s relationships should be about. Knowing each other fully, because in the end, it can be a game, but things, fetishes, people, they can be incredibly dangerous - you can't take back something you've done wrong, you can't build their trust in you or other people if you push too far, and you won't know what you've done wrong until it's too late. This is why I personally use the streetlight system while playing. Green means go, it's okay, they're enjoying it. Yellow means it's okay, but not to go any further - no more pain. Red means everything stops. No questions asked. I've never had someone use red because I force communication. I will not play with them unless they are aware I will stop any session as soon as communication stops. So, my opinion on safewords is this: they are not necessary unless you are extremists or strangers.
Ermergerd. Earthquerk.
Ermergerd. Earthquerk.
Make me feel special and you will earn a place in my heart and amongst my friends. I do not ask for material things. I do not ask for your service. Show me something beautiful, give me a piece of your heart and I will do the same. I've recently hit a place in my life where I don't know whether I should let go and continue fighting, and that truly has nothing to do with anyone but myself, however, I will need the support and love from old friends and hopefully even some new ones in order to get through this. I welcome messages from ALL people, whether they be Dominant, submissive, slave, gay, poly, pansexual. I don't care! I love them all.
I just saw a Domme's journal who now uses an online voicemail system in order for subs to apply as her sub. That's brilliant. I mean, if they take the time to call and enter your specific user number, then they are probably worth listening to at the very least.
I've been on this site for almost a year and it's amazing how many times I go through the journals and I see people who have just given up. I feel sorry for them. I was only on this site for a month and a half when I met my love. We have been together since November and I can say that it's the happiest I've ever been. Maybe it's because I'm young that I have a larger pool of people who I attract, and maybe it's because I just knew what I was looking for, but even so, I found what I wasn't and that's love. I tell people all of the time that this site can be worth it, because I truly believe that it is. I speak from experience and when it comes to something like this, that's all that I can speak from. I'm in love with a Dominant man that I met from this site, and believe me, it hasn't been easy. Every day is a struggle in itself but we love each other and when there's a will, there's a way.
Maybe it's the submissives who are looking for someone to save them, when they can't even save themselves. And maybe it's the Dominants who feel that they are owed the world without being able to give all of it back when they find the one. I've found that, THAT, is the reason why people do not work out. One person wants too much, one person is given too little and after awhile, it becomes nothing. One cannot expect another to care when they are given nothing to care for. Many Dominants do not want to love their submissives/slaves. I call bullshit. I have yet to see a submissive who is not willing to give up the world for the right person. These jaded Dominants who have been hurt before are the reasons why there are jaded submissives - the ones who throw away an older one for a newer model, the ones who whore their girls/boys out like they're some toy. But, how, HOW am I to call these MEN who claim to be Dominant in every aspect of their lives Masters/Doms when they subject themselves to cuckold positions. By definition, a cuckold is a man whose significant other sleeps with others. That is it. It does not include "with permission, by", it does not include "under the supervision of", it simply is. Any Dominant who allows their submissive to fuck other men OR WOMEN is a cuckold and I cannot give them the same respect I would if they knew how to cherish their woman.
And yes, I may get hate mail because of this, but I don't care. I am tired of seeing the broken hearted scattered all over this fucking site. Everybody is jaded, everyone has trust issues, but you learn to live with it in order to find the one. And if you can't find your one, then that is fine but do not drag someone into it by the means of false pretenses. The idea that maybe one day, possibly, you'll be ready to give them everything that they are willing to give you. That's bullshit. I am lucky. I am the few that finds their one on a site like this. I did the work, I answered many emails, I met many Doms, and I found my one, and surprisingly, I found him.
I will never regret using this site. I will never regret being in this life. I only regret the fellow Dominants who claim to be such, and the way that they act. I am sorry for the women who think that the world should be at their feet. I feel sorry for the male subs who have had to degrade themselves to a point of absolute dirt or even further insults just to be recognized. I am sorry for the ones who look for love and only find lies.
What's wrong with you? Why would any Domme want to PAY for YOU to get your name changed to something completely fucking stupid and disgusting (preventing you from getting a job and therefore needing to be a leech). You're a male, whether you like it or not. Get a job, you're never going to pass as a female. That's the bottom line, there are some men who can, and that's amazing for them, but you can't and won't. You'll just look like a pathetic man in woman's clothing. Jesus.
Oh, I'm so baby crazy right now. My best friend's sister in law just had their first baby! It's a girl! She's the most precious thing in the world. I saw her ultrasounds and now seeing her face makes me want to cry! I'm in love with a baby that isn't even mine. She's so beautiful and she has the best parents a child could EVER ask for. <3
My problem with most males is that they refuse to let the deeper parts of themselves free. I spend an hour writing down the very bindings of my soul and absolute love and devotion for him and all I get is "awe baby, I love you". At least the fucking submissives I've had do better than that. They reach in deep and tell me just what they have to bare. And you're my boyfriend but you can't do that, can you? You can't take an hour out of your super busy day of playing video games to write me a nice letter every once in a fucking while, can you? For fucks sake, you do show me you love me, but I want sweet messages too. I want things that I can save and look at years from now. I've given you so much of my heart and soul. Why can't you just give me some in return? Maybe I'll just take up another couple grateful submissives. At least their affections can puddy up the void you're purposefully leaving.
I don't understand the men and women who want sex 24/7. I mean, actually have it. You can want it, but not need it. See, I used to be like that, insatiable. Six times a day with one of the biggest dicks I've been with and even then I was masturbating myself to sleep when he left. Now, I have a stable boyfriend and our sex life has slowed down because of the heat. He once told me that he feels bad for not wanting to have sex 3+ times a day with me, like he shouldn't be complaining I want sex so much since his ex didn't. I love sex, so very much. But, now, we have sex at most, twice a day, and that's rare. I don't particularly want it more. My pussy gets sore, and yeah, it's fine after awhile but the pain isn't fun in the least. I'd rather just cuddle. Is it that these people are just.. Unfulfilled in other ways, I wonder?
I've got love for the UK, but let's be serious, China kicked their ass at opening ceremonies. I'm not saying it was bad, just not comparable to China's. Anyways, I often read through journals and saw a Domme who was on here. She was brand spanking new to the site and yet she's a decided FinDomme. Here's my question, why? Do people recommend their friends to be FinDommes? How do they just know this is the site for them to come onto? That's what I want to know.
Why is it that Dom/mes think it's all about them? It's not. A D/s relationship comes from mutual wants/needs/desires OR IT DOESN'T WORK. Ever seen an employee who hates their job? They will do it, sometimes well, mostly not. If they aren't interested in what you want, it won't be done well, even if they love you. A sub can choose if they want to go outside their comfort zone and do something you like that maybe they won't. I've done anal with my boyfriend. I can't say I love it. Can't say I even like it, but I love that he does and that's what matters. I can get into it because of him. That's what relationships are for. Give and take. For those who swear it's everyone else living in a fantasy world, it's pretty ironic.
I fucking love seeing the profiles of people who blocked me awhile back. I especially like that having asked what substance was on her ass (looked like she had a period all over her ass, very messy and disgusting), she told me I was immature and blocked me. Now, months later, her profile came up and she has a new default up but in her profile text she has to explain that it's blood, from blood play, not period blood! HAH. That means, I'm not the only one who thought it was period, you stupid ugly bitch.
It's a sad world. I do not want your money. Especially if it's random international currency. I had an Austrialian sub beg me to financially ruin him today. I denied. Multiple times. I told him I was not interested. Because, well, here's the thing, men like you ruin this, cheapen it. There are hundreds of FinDommes on here. I am not one of them. And perhaps that's why many people do not respond with a "no thank you, I'm not interested", because dense men do not understand no. And that's a bad sign.
I saw this on a sub male's journal: Obviously, the key to controlling any man is his penis.
Wrong. There are a lot of men who are able to control their urges. The way to control any person is to get into their head, get into their heart. A temporary tease can get a couple things from a man, but those things are nothing in comparison to what a man will do if you get into their head or their heart.
Here's the dirty dirty for those who know and especially those who don't - in the BDSM world, "slave" is a subjectively defined word, it is tailored to fit whoever's defining it. A general definition that all others are built from is that a slave is one who does not choose how they serve and does not always choose who, they give MOST of their humanly rights away, however - it's apt to change, as people change, so do the definitions that define them. That is the secret. Any free persons, regardless of contracts, are free. They are never completely legally bonded unless they are married. That is that. Now, let's say Mr. Sadistic Idiot decides he wants to hurt his slave, wants her to fuck an animal - maybe slave will go through with it, but what prevents these slaves from going to the police? Other than embarrassment (and living as a slave, they probably endure enough of that to be okay), why wouldn't they go in and say you've abused them? Their bruises, welts, and scars will prove their case, your pleads that it was completely consensual will be nonvalid. Also, I saw an idiot male Dom who wants his sub's paychecks to be given directly to him and the sub would get a small allowance. No, that's not how it works. Dom/mes constantly speak like these subs and slaves aren't people, but the truth is, they are. You are no God or Goddess. You are no beacon of hope. They love, hurt, cry, and feel just like us. Submissives, slaves, this is to you - do not limit yourself because you are lonely.
It's always the sad, middle aged (sometimes teenage), fat, unattractive submissive men who complain about financial Dommes. I'm sorry you live with your mother and won't find a job. I'm sorry you can't find a woman in the real world and have to resort to CM. I'm even sorry that you can't scrounge up enough change to get a nice wank from some bitch on a corner. Nobody wants to be with you. Nobody will do it for free. Maybe if you weren't such an unattractive, uneducated loser with such a shit personality that literally ANYTHING would be better than to have to talk to you, ever then you'd get a girl, but you won't fix any of those things, so you'll complain, won't you? I'm not saying the increasing number of solely financial Dommes isn't bullshit, but stop complaining.
I'm going to open up and be vulnerable for the day. Two years today, my grandfather was murdered. He was taken in his sleep by two men who coerced our houseman to unlock the door, carried to the beach infront of our property and his head smashed in with a large rock. His body was thrown into the ocean. It washed into a nearby river where the Philippines government announced an unrecognizable American man was found. Nobody claimed the body so he was buried. My aunt, his sister, who lived only miles from him was the one to go to the cops and found his wedding ring engraved with his anniversary with my grandmother. They knew then. It took two weeks for us to know. That day we got the phone call was sullen. A sickness that can't be cured. Two years today, the men are still in jail with no court date. The American embassy didn't help even though this man fought for our country in Vietnam, served in the military for 20 years, came to this country to better his life and his family's. He was murdered for money. He went back to the Philippines when he retired to help the people of the island and he did, he inflated prices of meat which lowered the prices at market, gave jobs to those who asked on the pig farm, and always helped the less fortunate. He taught me that. He was the mother who didn't want me. He was the father who abandoned me. He was my cheerleader and biggest fan in his own way. He wasn't the parent screaming in the stands. He wasn't the dad picking up the player and spinning them around. In his quiet way, his smile was enough for me. A pat on the back was enough for me. He was a tough man with tough love. He screamed at me and made me cry. He almost beat me because I thought I loved a boy but my mother protected me. He showed me strength and resilience. He showed me dreams and aspirations. He showed me an unconditional faith in God. I miss him every day.
I don't complain about fakes, flakes, timewasters, wankers, pro-Dommes, pro-subs, sissies, gays, whatever. If you have time to complain, you've got too much time on your hands, and that makes you and your time less valuable. If you've been on this site for three years and every day you complain about the same thing, maybe it's you that's wrong. Write something insightful, thought provoking. Share knowledge that others don't possess, make yourself special. If you think that everyone who is on this site doesn't know that there are fakes, flakes, and timewasters, then you're a moron. It becomes obvious very quickly just scrolling through messages. If you feel the need to warn us, warn us about someone who is mentally and emotionally unstable. That's dangerous and needs to be talked about. If you have a sub over and they steal something, that's something to warn us about. Liars are dime a dozen. They're everywhere. IRS common. If someone has an explicit drug problem, WARN US. This lifestyle is supposed to be about people who share a common interest communicating, growing, and bettering themselves and the people around them. That's what any community is supposed to be. So, you were stupid enough to give your money to some random person on the Internet who was posing as a girl but was really a man, that's more shameful on you than them. Who wouldn't make a quick buck if they could? The truth is, everyone is at risk here, but fakes and flakes are quite honestly the least dangerous.
At this point, it's 50 shades of shut the fuck up, nobody cares.
This site disgusts me most of the time. Mostly because of the people. Most Dom/mes have too much unearned self worth, but many members just have absolutely none. The lack of self preservation is amazing. Many women will fall to their knees if a man acknowledges them and fall in love if they're half way decent. So many women think that being submissive means that you're a damsel in distress. Ladies, that's simply not true. You will never be happy with someone until you are happy by yourself. Only you can save you, but another can help and enhance the experience. It's why there are so many heartbreaks on this site. Men, you will promise the world on a platter and won't/can't deliver. Women, you believe them blindly. Everyone is to blame. I've had the opportunity to speak with an older Domme and she makes me smile because she says she's waited this long for the one she wants, needs, why not wait longer? If more women (and men) felt this way, love would be the way it was before promiscuity and unattainable attributes were a factor. Love would not be just a meaningless word. Relationships can and should be used as learning experiences. To find out what you want and need in another person, accepting that sometimes it isn't the person you pine for, and knowing the difference between love and lust. If you don't know what you want, you won't happen upon it. It is an active thought, an active want, an active desire. Although love happens, it doesn't happen without work, without fighting, without heartbreak. So, to those who read my journal, please, wait for the one you need, keep the ones who fight for you, and never forget to laugh.
I woke up sick randomly and vomited. My boyfriend is sleeping peacefully beside me as I run my fingertips along the raised lines of his tattoo. I will be able to sleep soon, but for now, I'm happy in this silence, it allows me to think. 4th of July was wonderful. We met my mom and siblings in Long Beach and went to Buba Gumps, came home to change and ended up staying around to do fireworks and talk to neighbors, then he took me a couple blocks down from Disney and told me to get on his back, so I climbed up and I wrapped my arms around his neck to get a good view oftge fireworks. We talked about the places we could have gone, or where we were going, but just like I told him last night, it didn't matter where we were as long as I got to kiss him under the fireworks, and I did. He's absolutely amazing. I don't know what kind of person is willing to wake up randomly to check if my sleep apnea hasn't started up again, or simply to roll onto his back so I can nuzzle into his chest when I whimper and brush my lips against the back of his neck. He never leaves me if I'm asleep just in case I get nightmares. He's just, home. That's it. He's where the heart is. My heart. But, aside from early morning thoughts, I saw a photo on Facebook today that made me think of everyone here. It was two business looking women reading Fifty Shades of Grey that said "Women are too classy to watch porn, but they'll read the shit out of it". I almost died laughing. I have seen women reading this book in public, at soccer games - and from what I've heard, it's pure erotica. Why do women think it's acceptable to read that shit while watching their children play? It just sounds disgusting. Does being aroused infront of their children make it better or what? Fuck. I would vomit if my mother ever read it infront of me, and like, these women claim that they aren't getting aroused. I'm like, oh yeah, I can tell with your dilated pupils, lip biting and constant "adjusting". Don't think I don't know your cunt lip brush your clit every time you switch your legs. Lol. Women act like they are fucking aloof. Like nobody can figure out what they're doing and even if someone does, they deny it. We have the same body parts, idiot. And I've been with enough of the same sex to know what THAT looks like. So, ladies, be classy, don't read obvious erotica at children's events or starbucks. Nobody wants to see a middle aged woman reading erotica in public.
You know, I simply hate when people talk about BDSM like it's a fucking club. Like, "they don't even know the life!". Who the fuck cares? Who says you're real? Self proclaimed dominants, Masters, Goddesses. How do you know you're real? When did you become the one standard in your head as to how Domly one must me in order to be considered "lifestyle-enough" for you. What happens here is that most people are self proclaimed know-it-alls when it comes to the lifestyle with their leather outfits and shitty dog kennels and subpar "dungeons" in the basement of their fucking house. If they even have a house. How can you be called a Master when you live with your mom, when you have no job (and have no ambitions to get one) and when you can't take the time to fucking shower? You're obviously a master of something, mostly being as low class as possible. But that's the majority of the people who come on here. Everyone wants someone to save them. Like they're a fucking slave in their own life. You're not a Master because you bought a $20 flogger at some shitty sex shop. You're not a Dom because you can shout louder than I can. You're not a Lord because you "deserve to be worshipped". In the grand scheme of things, you're nothing. To someone, maybe a couple people, you'll be their world, but in this, "life", this fucking club of a hobby, you're nothing because there will always be someone who can do exactly what you can do, but better. And that's the truth.
To be honest, a lot of people complain of getting messages from creeps, fakes, flakes, weirdos and assholes, but then claim no one is genuine. As far as I'm concerned, most people are genuinely weirdos, assholes, or creeps. At least they're up front about it.
A real man is hard to define, but any real person should be. Everyone is different, breathing and constantly changing. That is why a real person is defined by things they should do, the way they should feel, and the mistakes they make. That's not how I look at him. The man I fell in love with is much more than his actions, much more than his words, and much more than his thoughts. He is more. He is one who spends time with my siblings to teach my brother how to treat a girl and to show my sister that not all men are bad. He gives me my space when required and coddles other times. He takes care of me, always, even if I don't want or ask for it. He checks on me when I'm napping if I toss and turn, and makes sure he's in ear shot in case I have nightmares. He genuinely cares what my family and friends think of him. He bathes me when I get sick, dresses me before bed and tucks me in with Beary. He is a Dominant. He is a Daddy. He is, everything to me. People often ask how we work, because we are both Dominant. Not only in this world, in our personalities, in the world. We are alpha. The reason we work is respect. We communicate. We fight. We scream. We are not perfect. We aren't the nice stories that I post on my journals. We aren't the feelings I have for him. We are real. The stories, they make up only a little of who we are as a couple. I cannot capture us in words because that's what love is about - the moments that leave you speechless, with so many emotions but none.
Shut up. Nobody cares.
I just laughed my ass off. I mean, how can someone say no to someone whose username is submitotmenowww.
It's going to be a long night, I can tell. I can't fall sleep without my boyfriend against me. It just feels empty. He's what makes everything better. He calms me down and keeps me safe. I saw this postsecret on sunday that made me think. How can I expect the love of my life to stick around when my dad couldn't do it? Then again, I never met my dad. My mom says he came around when I was 5 and she told him it wasn't a good idea for him to be here and he left - to Texas. I might have found him through a background checking site but I don't know if I want to contact him. It's been 13 years since he came to see me. I still live in the house on the corner. With the palm trees. But then my boyfriend said, I've had the best dad I could have ever asked for. My grandfather. He took me in when my mother abandoned me. Bought me school clothes and made sure I always had food in the fridge, a bed to come home to, and someone to watch jeopardy with. Someone who taught me right from wrong, who traveled and showed me the world, who got me out of this state - who showed me a third world country that he escaped. Who went back to help his people but was murdered. It blinds me with anger when I think of it. But Joshua was right. And I'm not looking for a daddy. I'm not looking to be a family. I just want to hear why. Why he never helped my mom and I. Why he never paid child support while we had to live with guy after guy to be able to afford a house. Why? Why didn't you step up? I hate the idea. I want him to say he's sorry. But since grandpa is gone, I've found a Daddy. I found my boyfriend. And I found him here. On CollarMe. Which is amazing in itself. He takes care of me, he helps with groceries, he tries to look out for my wellbeing, he makes sure I have gas in my car, he plays with my hair and holds me while I fall asleep, he wipes the tears away. He talks through my teddybear to make me smile. He gives me fishy kisses and promises trips to the aquarium and zoo. He helps me learn. He gives me a reason to trust, to love, and to live. He supports my decisions - even if they're stupid. He makes fun of my flaws and tells me I'm beautiful. He laughs when I paw at his face, he loves when I nuzzle his arms, and he makes me fall in love with him. So, world, CollarMe, Internet, I don't need to contact this man. Gregory Carzoli. He is not my father. He is not my dad. And he's not my daddy. He did not fight to see me. He did not do anything but turn his back on us, on me, and as much as that hurts - I have found someone who can reminisce in the thoughts of my grandpa, live in the reality that we create, and dream about a future in which we are - we become - we survive. We are the broken. We are the starving. We are the beaten down. We are the faithful, the loyal, and the ones that hold truth that our God has a plan for us. We are love, we are beauty, we are pain. We strive and become better. We make ourselves better in order to prove that we can be. We can be everything. We can be nothing. We choose. We continue forward. We walk into the sunset. We are the dreamers. We are the nightmares. We are the willful and powerful. We believe. Because we love, we hurt, we sacrifice, we compromise. We lose fights, we lose battles, but we win wars. We are insignificant. But we are change. And together, we will rise. We are invincible. We are strong. I am strong. I will not allow you my tears. I will not allow you my regret or sorrow. But I will love, with unconditional, undying strength that he provides. Because he is, we are, the change. In ourselves, in our lives, in society. We are.
The last three days were amazing. I spent the night with my boyfriend. We made love like we never had. We fell in love all over again. He gently wiped my well-fucked pussy with a cold, wet wash cloth and clothed me before bed every night. He'd lay down and raise his left arm, I'd nuzzle my face straight into his chest with our teddybear under his other arm and his paw in my hand. It was absolutely lovely. Bed time is my favorite. We turn out the lights, switch the tv off, and talk about our love, dreams, and passion until we fall asleep. Sometimes I ask for bedtime stories and sometimes I just fall asleep as soon as my face hits his chest. He's just so damn comfortable. I'm not sure why! He's "home" for me. His chest is my haven. His arms make me feel a certain ease that I have never felt. He calms me down and even when I'm a nervous wreck, he's there to pull me into him and lets me breathe. He's everything I could have ever asked for and more. I went to see the Lorax for the second time last night and the Oncler says "It may seem insignificant now, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become!" and that's how I see my boyfriend and i's relationship. We aren't perfect. We have our share of problems. We have our share of faults. But in the grand scheme of things, none of it matters - the late nights crying, worrying, screaming. The days that went without talking, not knowing if we were okay, and drinking into a stupor. It's hard, it'll always be hard because sometimes, when two stubborn people fall in love, the journey is a continuous uphill battle. But we love each other truly, fully, unconditionally. And I hope to spend the rest of my life with him - if only to have our bedtime routine every night.
I'm thinking about taking a trip to LA next weekend to go to a fetish club. Hm. Let me know your favorite ones and perhaps I'll stop by.
Well, here's a journal to everyone. I don't care if you read it or not.
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot? A world forgetting by a world forgot. Eternal sunshine for the spotless mind - every prayer answered, every wish resigned".
Over the time I've lived, I have lived life to the fullest. I've been abused, beaten, used, and betrayed. I've been abandoned, broken, debased, and defiled. I have bled, wept, screamed, and burned down the very walls that confined me. I am not special. I am not unique. I have suffered and I have made those around me suffer in turn. I have been bitter, hateful, cold, and untrue. I've been afraid, vulnerable, meek, and prideful. I am not the person that my profile states. I am not the role that I play to you. I am the words that I write in this journal. I am the beating heart behind the screen. Because of a troubled past, I taught myself to forget. To forget people, places, memories. To forget years, just in a blink of an eye. Because I was hurt, I learned to forget. I do not remember the man that I once loved more than the world. I do not remember the life we had planned or the memories we shared, but I have the pictures, letters, presents, and conversations to guide me as I trudge through the wake. When he died, it broke me somewhere deep where I couldn't find the strength. Where no mend could fix. And that's where I was two years ago. One year ago, I was doing drugs to get by, fucking anyone in sight, and losing myself in a world that I should have never gotten introduced to. But, here I am today. I'm almost 19, I'm in college, and I have the life that nobody in my family ever thought I'd have. They cried at my graduation, not because they were proud, but because they never thought I'd make it. I'm sensitive, caring, and high strung. I've got the heart of a lion and a mouth to boot. I never thought I'd find someone here. I wasn't looking for someone when I joined this site. I wasn't looking for anything, really. But, I found him. I found someone who I can see myself with for the rest of our lives and so, I never understand why people complain about the fakes/flakes/liars. I have dealt with those too, but if you find your one in the end, why should it matter? There are fakes/flakes/liars in the world. They're everywhere, regardless of the Internet. But how many people do you really need to tell the truth? To love you unconditionally? One. I have found my one, and I couldn't be happier. Since November, he has helped me grow, change, and become someone who I never thought I'd be. He's guided me when I was led astray and protected me when I was afraid. And amongst it all, the longer I'm with him, the more in love with him I fall because there is always something to keep me going. Today, we had sex, missionary. I missed it. The way he feels against me. His hot breath in the side of my neck, his teeth against my shoulder, my legs wrapped desperately around his thighs, pulling him closer, deeper, further into myself. My hand caressing his hair, the other pinned under his, and watching his body tense and flow against mine. All I could think of is that I have never loved someone the way I do him. And that is why I remain on this site. It is a place that I met the love of my life, and I'm so very thankful for it.
Oh, yeah, guys, I'm put back in my place now, so let me tell you about my day that none of you care about. Well, first, I.. Lol. Stupid.
Oh, boo hoo. I don't see how you and your group of friends can be amused by this but I can't be. I forget, you're just a hick bitch who doesn't have a clue. But that's okay, I've tried to see it from your perspective, but I can't shove my head that far up my own ass. And if you really think I'm a drag queen, then I wouldn't have a cunt for your metaphorical machete strap on. You act like this is hurting my feelings. And that's cool. I'm glad you think so. Keep trying to insult me because all you have to go on is a flat man ass. Wow. I mean, let's forget about your huge ass SHNOZ, Tucan Sam. Besides that, keep it coming all you want. It's the Internet. You obviously have nothing better to do with your time. And, calling my boyfriend gay is childish. That's cool too though. I just wish you'd come up with some better insults to make it a little more interesting to read. I mean, I'm half wasted and still nothing. It's a shame.
So, I'm trolling through the journals like I usually do while smoking a stogie and I see the retards calling out some flat ass bitch, I'm pretty sure it's me or else they just aren't smart enough to come up with other insults. Anyways, I have no idea what they're talking about since I haven't posted anything about them since I have already said what I have to say. But they've got a right to think I'm their only hater. And that's okay too, since I'm not really hating. If you didn't like watersports and I do, and you said it was disgusting, I wouldn't be offended, but obviously they are and that's okay too. No, I don't have multiple accounts. I wouldn't create one just to bug you. You may think I'm pathetic, but hey, I'm not the one at this supposedly awesome party whining on the Internet about someone trolling me. Yeah. That's cool too. But think what you want. It's boring regardless. I'm cool with having a "flat man ass" as long as my boyfriend enjoys fucking it. Shrug.
I hate these retards who say "submission is a gift", it's not. That's like me saying my dominating you is a gift. But you don't think that, do you? Because only yours is a gift. But beyond that, if you give yourself to everyone, how is that a gift? How is it a gift if you're, I don't know, 23, and you've given the "gift of submission" to over 50 different people? It dilutes the idea that your submission is worth anything. Submission is something that you choose to give to someone. It is part of who you are. It cannot be taught or shown beyond the basic aspects because it's a feeling, it's a part of who you are and guess what, you're not special and neither is your submission. There is nothing you do that not another person can do. There is nothing you do that someone can't do better. The same goes for dominants. The sun does not shine out of our asses like most of the Doms on this site try to portray.
Before I go to sleep at night, I read through the journals just to see what the people on CM are thinking, what they're like and what their lives are like. Today was more clouded than usual by Dommes wanting nothing more than money. I felt sad for that. One in particular, I won't name her, but I wish the "hide" option was easier to access via the mobile site. Everything she posts is about how she wants to obtain money from subs or rewards/points from certain sites. I mean, she doesn't really even specify that she's a Pro-Domme. She just wants money and I can see why sub men are frustrated. It was obnoxious to see. The fact that she has a boyfriend (which she's made clear) but is still looking for dudes to take care of her makes me question if she actually has any taste in men. I mean, can't your "stud" boyfriend support a "princess" like you? No? Lol. Can you support yourself? No? Lol. The chick needs to take a hard look in the mirror. Seriously. But beyond that, I've noticed that a lot of women seem to have this idea that male submissives don't matter. That they're supposed to be used, abused, and tossed away. That's not true. You'll even see the bi Dommes who require money from their male subs but not their female subs. They have this macho mentality that "nobody matters in this world but me", and it makes me wonder if they're actually like that and do men on this site respond to that? Is that attractive? I must say, my profile is custom made to the RP side of me. I am not like that even 95% of the time. Am I a spoiled brat? Fuck yeah. Does my boyfriend do sweet things and support me? You bet. Do I take him for granted? Sometimes, but I always catch myself and apologize. Because guess what, I'm a human being. I make mistakes and even better, I own up to them. A woman can say "If you can't put my needs/wants/desires before yours, I want nothing to do with you" and be appealing to a man, but if a man were to say that, EVERYONE would think he is an asshole. Unfortunately, I know that both parties are to blame. The women for actually thinking this and the men who are actually attracted to it and encourage the behavior. It's a real shame though. CM might be a shit hole, but I've always enjoyed the people who take time to journal. I'm starting to like it a lot less now.
To all the idiot Dommes who actually perform blackmail:
There is no such thing as consensual blackmail when it comes to the LAW, and regardless of what you think you are (Goddess, princess, whatever), you still have to follow the rules. Now, threats (still pushing a line) to out a person, not so terrible, maybe even bringing their stupid girlfriend into it. But, remember, the more people you bring into the blackmail, the more people they have to back them up in court. See what happens? You all say they're pathetic, worthless, petty, so why wouldn't they take your ass to court especially if you took their money? It's just a very dangerous "fetish" that many people don't take into consideration. Happy hunting.
Today, I saw the question posed "Why do we hurt the ones we love and save the ones we don't?" I can answer that simply, we hurt the ones we love because we know somewhere deep down inside that they will love us forever, regardless of how much we hurt them. That is why I mostly fight with my amazing boyfriend. If I'm frustrated, depressed, anxious or anywhere in between, we fight. We fight over insignificant things that turn into wars. And in our fucked up way, it's showing each other that we are willing to fight tooth and nail for what we have, but most importantly, we are willing to fight for each other. But, things are better afterwards. We fall in love with each other constantly. We do things with and for each other that show our love, but nothing shows a fierce love that is fueled by passion than a good, curse filled, relationship threatening fight. Because at the end of the day, you have chosen - amongst all else - you've chosen to continue fighting, knowing your flaws, deciding to fix or accept them, and ultimately, to love each other completely still above all else. And even though I have a boyfriend who constantly tells me he loves me, cuddles me and watches Pixar and Disney movies while I'm sick, would do anything he could just to make me smile, and never forgets to help me laugh even on my worst days, we still fight, and maybe, just maybe, it's because we already know that in the end, we love each other as a whole, and that love is unconditional, but relationships are not, and that nothing worth having comes easy. And that's why we hurt the ones we love, because we know that they'll love us forever regardless, and even so, on a romantic note, we want to gauge how much hurt one person is willing to take to be able to call us theirs, and maybe that's all that it comes down to in the end. Happy hunting!
"My IQ is to high"
The best damn thing I've seen on here today.
How come if I post about something I disagree with, it's hate, but when they insult me it's not? Lmfao.
You know, it's funny that I've been accused of "hating" people. I don't waste my time hating anyone, especially someone on this site. I have gotten messages from other members who agree that their lifestyle is disgusting. So, I do not feel bad that I am the only one who is willing to actually say something about it. But, nowhere do I say I hate it. I don't agree with it. I find it pathetic and perverse. And guess what, you have every right to do it, write about it, whatever and I have every right to comment on it and give my opinion. That's the type of day and age we live in. Get over it.
Oh, one of the clique finally responded, but to me, about my apparent square butt. Which was actually pretty funny considering my boyfriend and I were JUST discussing painting pineapples because I live in one under the sea! Oh, and another thing, the whole "sitting on CM and complaining all day".. Mm. No. Notice my lack of journal entries lately.. Then minus the ones that are about my amazing boyfriend.. Hm. I'd have to say, I don't think that 2-3 journals in the past week take ALL my time of EVERY day. But, you know, common sense is out the window. That's okay.
I'm going to address a couple things: One, yes, bitch, "SOMEONE" did say you were trying to have your cake and eat it too. Just because your pansy ass boyfriend can't do all the things you want him to do doesn't mean you need to be looking on here. And all because you've seen it work. I can't stand fat cows like this one, but seriously. She didn't have the balls to message me back but obviously a journal is suitable, so here's to you, piggy, if you're thinking about marrying a dude who doesn't do everything you want and more, you're settling and it's going to eat at you until you resent him. Or he's going to get tired of you spreading tour legs just to be played with. Lmfao.
Secondly, anyone else disturbed by whatsherfuckingname's progressive lesbian pedophilia rape stories? I can't even call them fantasies because quite honestly, I don't think that they are. And why hasn't any of the clique complained about it yet? They jumped on that other person quite a bit ago.
Lastly, I'm getting sick of seeing how your mom is fucking your husband. If my mom tried to come on to my boyfriend, I'd punch her in the face and my boyfriend would have the courtesy to say "fuck off". There are things you don't need to plaster all over the Internet. That's one of them.
Where the fuck do you live that legal age is 20? Lol. Idiots.
My fucking God, nobody cares about your stupid avatars on your fucking second life. I know your real life sucks and the only sex you get is online, but nobody wants to see animated pictures of what you think you look like, because, let me give you a news flash, cunt, you're a fucking cow. Your vagina is literally one of the most hideous things I've ever seen (and pumping it up just makes it more disgusting). Nobody wanted you as plasticsurgeryme, nobody wants you now. Do you know why? You're an ugly, uneducated piece of white trash trying to find some rich business man to take you away. Seriously.
I have spent Friday through today with my boyfriend and I'd like to say that it's been nothing but amazing. It's hard for me to think that he dated someone for two years who didn't want to spend the night with him. With how much this man loves to cuddle, it surprises me. Even when I try to push him away, he still manages to wrap his entire body around me and fall asleep. It's nice right now. Being able to hear him breathe peacefully. Although I'm up and feeling extremely sick, I'm thankful that we had this time together and regretful that it has to end but baby has to make money and I have to get back home. I wish I could show him more how much he means to me, everything about him is perfect for me. He reminds me that it's okay to stay young and to never forget to laugh. I know that it would be rude to keep him up longer than I have, but I just want to touch him. To run my fingertips along his spine, to kiss his shoulder blades and whisper that I love him. I wish to go home only to return tomorrow. Moreover, I wish that he never forgets how much he means to me. How I listen to his silent mumbles in his sleep and the way that his body aligns with mine when he's pressed up against me. I hope he remembers the days that we laugh and the nights that I fall asleep, soothed by his heartbeat. The nightmares that he calms me from and the warm heart and arms that guide me home. I'm truly in love with this man. I hope to spend the rest of my life with him. And that, my fellow CMers, is why I don't give a fuck if you like it or not. You don't matter to me in the grand scheme of things. But he does. Every bit of him does.
Most idiotic thing I've seen today:
Ladies, the real reason you have ?breasts: ?how else are we men going to hang on to you while we fuck you doggy style?
How about the hips? My boyfriend holds on to my hips or hair or shoulders. Like normal fucking dudes. -_-"
So, I found out I don't know the difference between my left and right. The 60 freeway was closed from the 91 and 215. So, I had to take Spruce in Riverside, which sucked, and I turned left on Iowa. Don't do that, unless you want to get stuck in Colton. Nobody chooses to get stuck anywhere in San Bernadino, but it sucked since I had to shit really bad and I needed to be going the opposite direction. My boyfriend was pretty understanding and talked me through the entire way, which was nice. I ended up having to spend 25 extra minutes driving around since the 60 was closed all the way to university with NO WARNING. Fuck California. Anyways, home in my bed. That's all that matters.
You know what's obnoxious? The "single" submissive female profiles that are actually just looking for "sister slaves" for their Master/Dom's harem or whatever the fuck. First, you're not on here for you, not even to be friends. So, fuck you. Second, there's an option for couples. Yep, use it. It's better than being a lying cunt. Seriously. I mean, unless you are strictly going to play with said girl WITHOUT mister domly Dom watching, then you need a fucking couples profile, coz guess what, no matter how much you might think you're just an extension of your lord or whatever ridiculous thing they want you to call them, you're not. Do you really want to be an extension anyways? Like a fucking foot. Who WANTS to be a foot? Thirdly, fuck the couples who are idiots. Oh, you can't find model girls who want to fuck you but get nothing in return other than fucking? Would you want to be in that position? No? Then shut the fuck up. Fourthly, fuck the couples who actually want commitment to them but don't give them commitment in return. That's bullshit. You can't expect what you won't give in return. Just because you're the dom-liest Dom in Dom-topia doesn't mean that the person you're playing with isn't just that, a PERSON. Yeah, submissives are people too. They're friends, not food. It's like Craigslist. I often troll through to W4W posts and 3/4 of them are women looking to get a 3sum with their dude. Are you serious? There's a fucking section SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT. I guess I can't expect much from the Internet, but come on.
I feel weak right now. My entire body feels like it's a wreck, and I want to cry. My eyes are watering constantly and I couldn't say why. I don't want anyone near me, but I do. I want to be held, but I don't. I woke up and ate pizza and a mcdonalds sundae. That's the worst part about it. I was depressed even from the beginning of today. And I didn't know it. Maybe it's because I feel emotionally distant. Not even my boyfriend is igniting that spark inside of me. Not that he's not trying, he does. I got sleep, but I guess it's not enough. I'm afraid that nothing is going to save my relationship, not even our love for each other. Maybe we're crumbling, or maybe it's just me, but I don't know anymore.
This is to the fat, ugly, complaining bitch who just got some random person from CM to pay for a motel room so she wouldn't be on the streets,
Do you EVER stop complaining? Holy fuck. You just sit there and post numerous journals about what you want in a Master and you're just shit. You have nothing to offer. You talk about suicide and whine all over asking if anyone would care if you did it, then, getting the responses you want (hearing that people do care), you tell them to fuck off because they're getting your hopes up. What shit. So, I message you and tell youths truth: nobody would think twice if you did. Do you know how many people commit suicide daily? Why would yours be special? And you tell me you don't take advice from bitches. At least I'm not a disgusting attention whore like you. At least I'm in an amazing relationship with a man who loves me, unlike you. At least I have things going for me, unlike you. At least I'm not a pathetic piece of shit, unlike you. Seriously. And, you don't need a food bank. You need to lose some of that flab. If you don't have a personality, you need to have a fucking body so someone might be desperate enough to put up with you, but they probably won't because you've got a bad case of man face and an even worst case of thinning hair. I honestly think I would kill myself if I was you. But, I appreciate people like you, because even at my very worst, I know that I could NEVER reach the levels of low that you have. And that's amazing to me.
Ever notice that the dudes who complain about paying Dommes are just trashy, raggedy losers? I'm not saying that all subs should pay for Dommes, but it's like dating in the real world. Wouldn't you buy your girlfriend something? Wouldn't you take them out to dinner? Or it's a service just like anything else. Don't you pay for mechanics to fix your car? Don't you pay for doctor visits? Don't you pay for strippers? Yes. And on another note, Dommes, I've seen so many of you calling out other Dommes because you think their subs money should be going to you. How pathetic can you be? Really.
Last night, was, incredible. The day was so unbelievably heartbreaking. Even with my best friend and constantly laughing, I was still heartbroken. However, once the night came, it changed. I surprised my boyfriend by stopping by Trader Joe's and A Touch of Romance. I bought vanilla wafers, milk chocolate truffles, and peanut butter cups for my darling boy. I knew he'd love them. Then, I bought him, maybe us, a present. I brought my favorite lingerie (the black lace slip in the photo) and I gave the present to him when I was in it. It was a pair of purple and black leather cuffs. He adores them. Just as much as I do. He immediately put them to use by cuffing me and gently feeding me small sips of two different raspberry wines and you can only guess what happened next. The reason why last night was incredible was not because of the amazing sex, or the adventure that got us there but it was the five hours of him and I. Skin to skin. Laughing, testing what chocolate tasted best with what wine. Without the phones, the tv, or any white noise. We found ourselves without the modern conveniences. And I think that's what made it all special.
This is to all you Daddy Doms out there.
If you don't know already, any girl who has Daddy issues and needs a Daddy, no matter what age, has problems. Yes, true, psychological paternal problems. They're always there. And that's okay. But, if you want to be this Daddy, you can't be like dickhead over here who wants to be able to fuck all sorts of other girls. It doesn't happen like that, and do you know why? DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS DON'T LIKE TO SHARE. Yeah, surprise surprise.
Woke up feeling unmistakably heartbroken.
The most heartbreaking moment is continuing to kiss your significant other although the feelings that were once there, aren't. And it feels muddled and forced. I've never felt so, distant.
Don't worry, Richard, I sent my boyfriend to that femboy's profile a month or two ago and his immediate response was "If that's a boy, I'm gay.. Nothing to do here." LOL. He's a gorgeous little thing, ain't he?
I have this theory, that when two people meet romantically, with intents to be intimate, within the first month, you can tell if you will fall in love with them. Some people think I'm crazy, but why would I be? Does it take you time to answer if you love someone? Is it something you have to think about? It's a feeling, deep within your soul. If communication is good, all you need to know should be there in the first month, if you observe enough, all of their tiny habits, their idiosyncrasies will show up. But, that's the rub, isn't it? You have to pay attention. You have to talk. You have to feel more than you ever have. In one month. Because, truthfully, I'd rather have my heart broken after one month than to do so after four years of the same relationship just to find, we're not so compatible. And so this is my theory, that if you're willing to put yourself out there, if you're willing to get hurt, then in one month you should know if you will fall in love with someone. I certainly did.
I'm seeing multiple breeding houses that have profiles on here and honestly, it bothers the fuck out of me. I don't care so much that the fetish remains, breeding is a part of life for many people (and animals, since some of these houses refer to them as such), but I honest to goodness cannot support anything that has to do with children being exposed to the fetish lifestyle right off the bat! I mean, sure, they'll grow up thinking it's normal, but will you force them to never say a word of it to anyone outside of the household? Who will they talk to? Will they have friends like a normal child who can sleep over, have birthday parties, and be there for each other? Or will you continue to treat them like a tool, the means to an end? I have seen that forced lactation from one specific breeding whore is usually required while whichever person decides to get her off. And on paper, it sounds appealing, but so many different things could go wrong with a child in your arms. I have fantasies of having a modernized midwife when I'm pregnant who will sexually pleasure me and help me along with my pregnancy while my darling boyfriend, or husband in this case, is at work. I have looked up ways to train my body so that I may be able to derive enough pleasure from breastfeeding that I do not quit after a day or two because of the pain like my mother did. However, this is all fantasy. I know for a fact I would not want another woman in my household while I'm pregnant. I know I would not want some stranger near me. I know that I would be so ridiculously on edge. Because that's the reality of the situation. There are many things that sound hot. I just, have concerns about a breeding house.
Last night, I read a journal by some middle aged, obese, fugly troll of a woman who stated that she would rather be a mistress than a wife because apparently her version of marriage is a '50s Stepford wife who can't pleasure her husband. But, this got me thinking, how sad does someone's life have to be that they decide marriage is something to be targeted and destroyed? Not even because she loves the man or wants the best for him, simply for a rendezvous. It's disgusting, but then the wheels started turning. I've been fortunate enough to fall deeply in love with someone. Someone who sees me becoming his wife, and reminds me daily. However, I'm a bisexual girl, in every sense of the word. I love women, I grow emotionally attached very quickly, and I love their bodies. We have considered a female play partner for myself only (since he isn't comfortable playing with another girl with me), but as our relationship grows and flourishes, it's harder for him to accept that maybe I would be with someone else intimately, and I suppose up until I read this journal, I may have been insensitive. I know for certain that he would be hurt, but he would not love me less. But, why would I put him in that position that this whore puts men's wives in! I truly miss women, the way they touch, feel, kiss, make love, and especially the noises they make, but absolutely nothing, even a woman, is worth hurting someone I love for, because I have an amazing relationship and sure, he's not a girl, and he can't give me everything I want, but he's damn near perfect, and perfect for me. And that's all that matters. So, to you homewreckers, I say a big "fuck you", and to you men/women, if you're married or have something good, don't ruin it for a rendezvous. Think before you do it. Not with your cunt or cock, but with your head and maybe even your heart.
It's like you're retarded, but that would be an insult to retards.
Well, today was a wonderful day. I woke up on the grouchy side, I knew I would because I was getting very recluse last night. It's not that I don't like people, but sometimes I just want to be fucking left alone, ya know? Well, anyways, my boyfriend and I had promised my younger brother to take him out today after his ortho appointment. My mom changed the appointment to a different day, and didn't tell me, how fucking annoying, right? Anyways, my boyfriend shows up and I had breakfast ready. I made some yummy corn beef hash, rice, eggs, sourdough toast and I cut up a mango. It was wonderful. We ate and talked, then I kissed him and he held me close. My mom, being the loud mouth that she is, asked why I didn't open the Build A Bear box that was on the piano! Probably because I didn't see it, cunt. Whatever. So, Joshua, being the wonderful person that he is, had left a little early to pick me up a pirate bear that we named Captain Plank Cuddlebottoms. He's my new favorite thing in the entire world! :D So! Anyways, it was an okay day all together. We had a disagreement and we talked it through. It isn't something that can or will change, we're both set in our opinions, but we love each other enough to make it work. But, for my dirty readers out there, around 9, we took a drive to Loma Linda to pick up some Miguel Jr's. On the way home, I decided to suck his cock. I love giving road head, especially when I can feel his cock harden against my tongue and hear nothing but his moans. It's just so sexy. But, that was just to tease the poor boy. The real fun started when we were cuddling on the couch after dinner, making out. He goes absolutely insane. This man has the largest balls I've ever played with and I'm obsessed with them. While we watch tv, I'll casually roll them in my palm while he moans. It's just erotic to me, but we continued to kiss and tease for another hour. I told him around 10 that he needed to go because he had work to do (which he does), and he agreed. Around 10:30, I walked him to the door. Immediately, he began to kiss me and my hand went straight for his bloated balls. His cock was already rock hard from all of the teasing and I had refused to let him kiss me, so he held my head, pushed me up against the door and kissed me, he ravaged my mouth and my body surrendered. As my fingertips brushed his cock through his pants, he pulled it out, gripped my hair, and forced my mouth onto his hard member infront of my house. I swirled my tongue around it a couple times and put it away, continuing to stroke it slowly. He slid his hand into my panties and I already knew my cunt was dripping. I wanted him to fuck me. I took his keys and told him to get in. He stroked himself in the backseat while I drove to a nearby church that I love to use for fun. While I drove, I had one foot up on the seat with my legs spread, rubbing my clit with my free hand. I told him how wet my slutty cunt was and that the next time I drive over to his house, he should spank me for not allowing him to do his work! Oh no! Not a red bottom! Hehe. I knew that brought him close to the edge. When we arrived at the church, I saw the lights were on. I knew it'd have to be fast. I parked in the darkest corner and as soon as I slipped my clothes off and into the backseat, I saw a man walk into one of the rooms in the building (weird since we had surveyed the building and saw no cars). He immediately had me on all fours and went to town licking my gorgeous asshole. He's crazy about it. I hopped on his cock and couldn't help but ride him to completion in just a few minutes. He warned me to slow down but I just couldn't. All I wanted was his huge load deep inside my perfect pussy, and he definitely didn't disappoint. We drove home and giggled about the incident. Tomorrow, he's going to come bring my 13 year old dog to the vet with my mom and I. We're hoping for the best. All in all, I'm in love with this man, and I'm so, so glad he's mine.
I love these submissive dudes who just go on and on about how every Domme is a scammed and a prostitute. What shit. Especially when the big, bad submissive boy threatens to -GASP- "report us"! Report us to WHO? Collar Me? That's a laugh. I tried to delete my account BY MYSELF four months ago. If Collar Me can't fulfill a delete request that someone puts in themselves, then they obviously won't do shit about a "report" that you send them. Or, worst, report us to the cyber police! God, you should just team up with that 14 year old Jessie Lynne's dad and you two can man the cyber networks everywhere! But beyond that, guys, have you ever noticed it's the broke ass motherfuckers who complain? And that's okay if you're happy being as broke as a joke, but don't blame us Dommes for not wanting a dude who is. You're single because you can't find a normal girl who wants a broke dude, why would we? I don't claim to be a pro or charge for services, but dudes need to stop whining.
Irony. Sub2Go4U is an aggressive asshole. After seeing this sub claim that so many Dommes are men, I checked out his profile, immediately he messaged me and politely asked if he could ask me a question. I told him to "go for it". He politely asked if I would watch him cum on camera. I, in return, politely said that I was not interested, considering I HAVE A REAL BOYFRIEND (read my fucking journals, moron), but I thanked him anyways. He promptly messaged me and said "Of course you have, asshole". Because I POLITELY turned down his offer, he was a dick. Lol. What a piece of shit.
When I was younger, I always heard that "home is where the heart is", and I found it to be true. There was never love, compassion, support, or understanding at any house that I lived at. There was no higher power, no hope, and no belief in a better tomorrow - there was reality. There was a skewed reality that brought bruises to my skin and tears to my eyes. Everything was too real, and I was too young. But, as I've grown up, I've realized that people call their safety blanket, their place of comfort, "home", but that's not a home, that's a place in which you can go without being ridiculed. Where you can sit under the stars without judgement and believe anything. "Home" for me is dance. When someone finds something that they truly love and they put their entire life into building, it becomes their home. It becomes the reflection in the mirror, the pictures on the wall, and memories in the shoeboxes. There are some people who haven't found, and sometimes, never find their passion, their love, and they call "home" a place, but home is a state of being. I am at home in the mountains, under the stars. I am at home at the beach, while the waves crash at my feet and the wind whips at my hair. I am at home when I am in the arms of a lover. Home doesn't refer to a location, to a physical, tangible existence - because things break and people move on, but love, passion, and desire - they never do. Home is inspiration. A push to find something more, a push to find something better, the determination to be something so much bigger than oneself. Something that would follow in ones footsteps and something that a child could choose to align themselves with. Like snakes in a desert, like knives in a forest, we venture into the unknown with nothing more than a hope, a dream, a love, and a belief that somewhere beyond the brush, the physical obstacles, there is something worth living, striving for. I learned very quickly that the movement of my body made a difference. The way that I reacted, the way that I pushed others and myself. Maybe you'll never find a home, and maybe you'll always associate your's with the place that you grew up, but I never will, because I never stayed in one place. The longest I've lived anywhere is here, in Moreno Valley, and it's only been 3 years, and it's been a hard road. Your thoughts are offensive, and even more offensive that because I am not comfortable going to a place where I have deemed unsafe that also holds bitter memories, you are offended. Your home is only your home because you haven't found something that you love enough to put your heart into. But, I believe in a higher meaning. One that proclaims itself above all others. My home, if nothing else, is within myself - because that's where my soul lies. Beneath the organs, inside of my beating, struggling heart - there's something that proves all worth and validates my own existence. Like the moon yearning for the sea, like the dolphins frolicing freely, home is where-ever I close my eyes.
I'm watching An Idiot Abroad: The Bucket List, it's about three men who send one of the three all around the world to do things that are commonly seen items on people's bucket lists. One of the things is that he is sent to Thailand to swim with dolphins and meet up with trannies. I don't understand why they send or chose this dude. He's just a grumpy douche. I mean, I can understand not wanting to do most of the normal things, but you're being paid to go on free trips all around the world, how come you're such a dick? Lol.
The truth is, right now, I just don't give a shit and you can fuck right off if you don't like it.
There are things females do that piss me off, namely, holding out on sex until your dude does what you want. That is just unattractive. If I was a dude, I'd either leave your ass or cheat on you. Sex shouldn't be a reward, if you don't want your boyfriend/husband to act like a dog or a child, don't treat them like one! Sex should be about intimacy, about sharing the one thing that nobody else shares with them, the warmth of their body against yours, your lips against the nape of their neck, whispering sweet nothings, the gentle caress of their fingertips along your hips. It's about the way they taste, feel, and leaving their scent against sweaty skin. And in the end, it is about feeling your partner's cum filling the deepest depths of you, warming your insides the way they should warm your heart. If you don't love the person you're living with, if you don't want them the way you should in a committed, exclusive, serious relationship, then talk with them. If they aren't holding up their side of the relationship, express your concerns! Talk to them. I can't have the only boyfriend who is open to talking about problems/concerns and willing to change anything in order to make it better, and if it's really to the point that sex is a chore, that they don't arouse you unless they do something for you, leave them. You could be excellent roommates, but not a couple. Sex is special.
"my size is 4 to 5?x".
The first thing that came to my mind was: Ew.
I'll be honest with you people. I don't care who you are: Dominant, submissive, switch, or slave. If I'm mean to you, it's because I don't really care about you. That's the secret of the Internet. I use it as a place to let out my frustrations on people who generally like it (you lucky sub/slaves, you). Sometimes people get hit in the crossfire, but here's the rub, everyone, I do it because:
1.) You either don't care enough to react and so it doesn't matter what I say.
2.) I don't care enough about you to care what you have to say.
3.) We fight and grow as individuals.
Like many of you, I have a life. I have friends, a loving relationship, a dysfunctional but striving family, a nice home, my own things, and the ability to make decisions for myself, but I've got a temper. A short fuse on a firecracker. I'm loud, I'm rambunctious. I love to cause a scene. I don't care who sees, hears, or judges because their opinions, much like many of your's, are insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things. So, throw your fucking fits, write in your journals, scream at me on Yahoo or messages, and I still won't care. If it makes you feel better, then I've held up my part of the exchange. Are you ready for yours?
I have always and will always prefer erotica to video porn. My imagination exceeds any physical possibility for the human body to achieve, always. But, I absolutely HATE "and then.." erotica. It's the type of story that has very few details, but tells the story in a bullet point fashion such as "She put the cock in her mouth AND THEN he fucked her". That's it. It's like, OHREALLY?
I find it absolutely amazing that somebody's arms can be considered home. That their body can be the warmth that sustains a constant state of love, and nothing but. He's comfortable, the way that his lips against me skin give me purpose. The way the entire world can disappear beneath our feet. The way the rain against the window no longer matters. This man is everything to me. He gives me piggybacks through the rain because I didn't have shoes, drove me to the grocery store at 11 pm to buy ice cream for a craving, and curls up to watch Phineas and Ferb with me and treat me like the little girl I often times feel like. He reads me bed time stories and acts as eyes for me when I can't see. Tonight was date night, I couldn't believe the amount of people who were out who were so unhappy with their partners. A heartbreaking amount. I suppose that's why I hate going out. I hate seeing how miserable people are. But, I'm lucky. I am. And I'm in love with him. And one day, we're going to be and build everything that we never had and always imagined. I know it, because I believe, I believe that God has plans for us.
For those going to see Titanic in 3D, here's a SPOILER ALERT:
The boat sinks.
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I want to vomit. My stomach is being wretched from inside-out. It's because of you. I'm done. Or I will be. Soon. Soon. Soon..
I joined a local furries site to figure out what it was all about. I just received an email from a man in his 30s who has written a furries version of dungeons&dragons. Half of me wants to text the number he gave just to see how many people are seriously going to go through with this.
So, last night, there were some morons who were posting about how I'm a fake and/or a crossdressing man with a board-flat ass. Okay. Let's address a couple of things. One, Derwulfen is my boyfriend (special thanks to RichardW for pointing me to his journal about my fabulous ass) and if anyone knows about my ass, it's him, considering I was laying naked next to him while all this was happening after he had just pound my pretty GIRL pussy into next week. Yep. Two, seriously, I don't understand how this posse works. It's like they all call each other up JUST to log on to CollarMe to post journals bashing one specific person. It's like middle school, lol. And that's okay, but if you want to play middle school popular mean girls, I was there less than 5 years ago, you weren't. I promise I can be the biggest bitch on the playground. Third, the ringleader didn't post, but I know you were probably monitoring what was going on. I do. And that's okay. We don't have to be friends either. We weren't to begin with. I promise. But finally, to the exposingliars troll who messaged my boyfriend proclaiming that I'm a crossdresser, you blocked me a long time ago for calling you out (having a fake account to expose fakes, REALLY? Can you be any more contradicting? No? Okay), and you blocked him for trying to tell you how he, not more than 10 minutes before, just shot a load into my cunt, well, sweetheart, I guess I have a hard time grasping this concept, but I guess I can't expect much from a fail troll.
"I just defeated a fourteen year old in Chess.? Less than SIX moves.? I think it is safe to say that I am undisputed champion of the Yahoo Chess realm."
Right, Chess. Don't offer to meet up with said 14 year old to play "chess". Chris Hanson will be waiting for you..
"To ChrisUSMC? It IS far too late! I am NOT Your little smurf anymore and you are NOT my true owner! You gave all that up when you left me for your precious Marine Corps."
Because a man decided to dedicate his life to serving the country he lives in, to possibly give his all for freedom and safety, YOU are going to criticize him? How fucking selfish, ignorant, and disgusting are you? Seriously. You're how old and you are too needy to date someone in the military? Sure, that's fine, glad you figured that out, but that says way more about you than it does him. Also, considering you have already found another Dom, this probably means you're just too much of a horny slut to even consider any sort of real commitment. And that's okay too. But, you're trash. And as for your Dom, you're a dickhole too. Seriously. Why would you want someone like that? Probably because you're just as much of a bitch as this dude, which is okay, I'm so glad you two can't procreate, there doesn't need to be another super bitch in this world. I have all the respect in the world for our boys in the military, and if you won't stand behind them, I urge you to stand infront of them in the battlefield.
Let me settle this. I've read through the journals. According to federal law, child pornography is illegal, but written erotica cannot be penalized because it is not a crime to have thoughts, even if they are morally wrong. Sorry, everyone, but what she had posted is perfectly legal.
Who wants chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting? I made them, they're wonderful. I just made too many and need to get rid of them. I have 20 to give away. You'll come pick them up. Eat them all. Give them to friends. Just get them out of my kitchen. Peanut butter smell makes me nauseous. I only made them for my boyfriend and the batter made way more than I expected.
In short, I hope you,
Fall when you?re going out of the shower and your tweezers are on the floor because you?re always plucking your eyebrows, and you love plucking your eyebrows more than you love me.
So you fall out of the shower and on onto your tweezers which stab you in the middle of your fore head (just above that mole-thing, which drove me slightly insane). Which you could have gotten it surgically removed, but you didn't 'cause you're too cheap to get the surgery. Anyway, you fall out of the shower and onto your tweezers, which stab you in the middle of your forehead
and you become immediately paralyzed and slowly bleed out.
:] Enjoy.
"IF YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE THAT RUDE to someone number one your NOT SUBMISSIVE"
How full of shit can you be? EVERYONE has the ability to be rude. It's not some sort of talent reserved for certain people. Seriously.
A person I stopped being friends with, emailed me this, this morning. Although he won't win me back, I thought it described me pretty well.
"I like you, so much, and think of you as a very unique lady in many ways. You have a magnetic personality that is tough, truthfully sharp and sweet all at the same time with an inner softness that is irresistible."
I'm worth the chase.
I will fucking tear your psyche into pieces. If you're not quivering in the corner, sobbing to the heavens when I'm done, then you'll know I've only just begun. Give me everything and I'll throw it in your face. You are just a pawn in my game.
I was trolling Craigslist and saw a dude who I used to know once upon a time.In this ad, he mentioned a life of sin and how even God forgets.So, I felt compelled to send him an email off of an old account and said "Does God forget about your ex fianc?miscarrying your child then leaving you to marry some dick hole who raped his 12 year old sister because she got pregnant with his child? Just checking."
Let the blackmail begin, motherfuckers.
For future reference: If I look at your profile, it's because I was trolling the Recent Journals, saw yours, and checked out your profile. That's it.
I fucking hate some of the people on here because it's as bad as watching middle schooler's Facebooks or Twitters. Seriously. "Oh, my Master is my everything. I love him so much." Next week: "OH, WELL, FUCK HIM. We're done. I'm gonna go mope everywhere and whine EVERY time I post, YES I AM!" Another week goes by: "I miss him so much. I love him so much. Let's be together. I'll beg forever until he has me again!" Another week goes by: "My faith in wavering. I'm gonna play with other people. Fuck him!" Yet another: "I'M JUST SO SILLY, I REALLY DO LOVE HIM; now we're together again. Yayyy."
This is directed at one specific sub female who is a moron and that I've seen do this. It's obnoxious, but don't worry, I've seen how Dom guys act like dogs, going through subs like underwear, as if they'd actually change theirs daily, not that it matters. Seriously. Let's try to grow up.
Today, was an off day. I have never gotten so angry at anyone as I did my boyfriend today and perhaps it was a silly reason, but I couldn't breathe, I was just so angry. I tried to take a good 20 minutes to cool down but even that time didn't help, and I exploded on him like I haven't before because I don't GET angry at people like that anymore, I don't. So, we talked it out, and then things got a lot worst before they got better. Nothing seemed like it was going to be okay. Finally, we agreed to just take all of my stuff home and cuddle on the couch for awhile. We had planned to go on a date tonight, but I didn't want to sit down. I wanted to get some fast food and cuddle up on the couch for another movie! Which we ended up doing. It was nice, really. I don't know what it is about this man. He's absolutely everything to me. I know I said some mean things that I didn't mean today.. And a lot of the time, I just bit my tongue so it'd stop, but that's okay. All I wanted was for it to stop. He isn't a loser by any means. He's quite possibly everything to me, and I'm learning that it's okay that he is. He tries to be better, and one day, we'll both be better, but for now, all we've got is all we need. We've got love, determination, strength, and the ability to change. So, here's to the man I'm in love with. May God shine down on you.
WHY are old ass women looking for a "Daddy"? It's so fucking disturbing. I know older "Daddy Doms" and some of them do score the 18 year olds who never have to work and end up being a benefactor, but let's be serious, people. After you hit a certain age, you're no longer looking for a "Daddy", you need a therapist to take care of your Daddy problems. Seriously.
The truth about me is that I am not a Domme. I'm not a sub, I'm not a switch, and I'm certainly not a slave. I am a sadomasochist. I love to inflict pain as much as I love receiving it. I am addicted to all sorts of pain: emotional, physical, situational. I put myself in situations that are designed to hurt me. But, that's because sometimes, it's nice to know that we can still feel. And I do, all of the time. I've realized this over the course of being here. I'm a true sadomasochist without the fetish title. And that's all you could ever expect me to be.
Obviously I'm a fucking lady, but oh my God, I don't know what it is about today, but I'm so gassy. My entire room is like a Dutch oven. I can't breathe. It's so bad, and so funny. I only wish my boyfriend was here to experience this with me. <3
Let me spell it out for you: STOP MESSAGING ME, WHORE. You obviously felt bad or you knew I was right about everything I've said to you, so you went back to read my messages. Yeah. That's cool. After telling me you didn't have the "time to read (my) manifesto" I know you don't know the meaning of that word either, but that's okay too. And btw, I wasn't being "hostile" until you decided to attack me because of my age, then I decided to call you an old whore, which you are. Stop playing the victim and go suck some flaccid grand-daddy dick.
One bad apple says the whore who doesn't know the definition of faithful. God, what a fucking joke. -_-"
This goes out to a very special, very specific sub: BB, since apparently CM doesn't want names posted. I'll say enough about her that you'll know who she is, fellow CMers, don't worry. BB is a 43 year old woman from San Fransisco who lives with her partner, who is a male, who I later found out was her boyfriend, maybe even husband, yes, this girl is taken. For the past couple months she's been just BEGGING for anyone to role play with her. She states she doesn't want to cheat on said partner, beyond role playing, of course, but that doesn't matter, does it! So, now, she's role playing with any person, and I really do mean ANY person who will give her OLD ass the time of day (also, don't mind the stretch marks on her tits, maybe you shouldn't have those as your default photo. But that's okay too. So, while roleplaying with anyone and everyone, apparently she happens across a "Daddy" that she now wants to be faithful to. Oh, really? A Daddy, at YOUR age? REALLY? If that isn't funny enough, she complains, OH DADDY WON'T TRAVEL STATES TO COME BE WITH ME, on and on, it's because you're not single, dipshit. You don't want anything real, remember? No? Okay, well, go back through your journals, you'll see. So, Betty, (oops!), if you see this and decide to unblock me, let me know how one can claim to be faithful and everyone should respect your new found relationship with your Daddy when you can't even stay faithful to the dude you're living with? I'll be sitting here waiting for everything to blow up in your face. Hehe.
"I am under the protection of 2 Masters.? Yes 2!!!!? They have been personal as to they were my Masters, but things went different so now they are friends.? Good friends.? I dont just have them as protectors, I have switches who protect me, I have subs who protect me, I have other slaves who protect me.? I even have daddy doms that protect me.? So I have friends of this lifestyle that will be there when I call on them."
This REALLY means "if I'm ever wrong or feel that I can get sympathy for being a gross heifer, I will use these contacts in order to top from the bottom, gain sympathy and 'support', and perhaps bulldoze you from your dominant position, especially if I've done something wrong, then I will have TWO Doms tell you that YOU are infect the wrong one because, well, I'm so insecure that I can't stand up for myself without having someone reassure me that I'm not just an old, fat bitch!" and there you go, Collar Me, that's what girls use protectors for. I wouldn't ever consider someone who has a "protector", since they're usually a former owner and that means there are probably still mutual feelings or pining from one end to another and that just doesn't fly with me, so, I suppose that's why the people with protectors are the ones who have been here for five years but still haven't found exactly what they're looking for, because they're hideous trolls looking for their soul mate on a shit-tier BDSM website!
Today, I was curled up in the pillow fortress, browsing through journals and I was amazed at how many girls on here truly think they're gonna find their soul mate. Having that honest goal is.. Well, shooting for the stars, a little bit unrealistic. I'm not saying it can't happen, hell, it might, but that shouldn't be your goal on a site like this; it sounds desperate and unappealing. I laughed about this and told my boyfriend who gave me a good death glare. I didn't join this site looking for a soul mate, neither did he. I happened along his profile while browsing and we clicked instantly, but that wasn't my intended goal. I don't ever think that he was the one I've been looking for. He just is, he's the love of my life. That's it. Well, anyways, I finally tried a little double penetration tonight. A small vibrator in my cute bottom while Josh's cock was fucking my cunt. Definitely an experience, although, I must say, for anal being as uncomfortable as it is for me, my ass was all sorts of loose today. That toy liked to shoot right out, and I could barely feel it. Haha. Oh well, perhaps a different toy will have different effects. Can't wait for it to happen again.
I'm so fucking sick of you. You want to argue, let's fucking argue. We have sexual differences. I compromise a lot for you, but it's never enough, is it? No, no, it's never fucking enough and it never will be. I don't choose to be unhappy with you. I don't just CHOOSE to be interested in the things I am. I didn't just wake up one day and think "oh man, you know, being with another girl, that'd be hot." or "oh, having a cuckslut, that'd make sex so much hotter". No, that's not how it fucking happened, but obviously you seem to think so. My interests aren't wrong. I'm so sorry I like things you don't. I'm sorry I want to spice up our sex life. I'm sorry I want to experiment. I'm getting sick of this shit.
Females piss me off. I go through ads for some fun, lesbian sexy time, right? Of course not because girls are bitches. Pillow princesses? Fuck you all. If all you do is lay there and enjoy what I do, I will fucking smother your face and make you eat me until I cum and then I will leave. I cannot stand girls like this, I will use you. I don't care if you cry, I don't care if you scream rape, I don't care about your fucking feelings, I hate you automatically.
"due to the severe mental? trauma this website has caused my girlfriend, I am temporarily removing her from it."
Literally the most pathetic post I've ever seen on this site. Congratulations.
Looks like I may have found a new bitch boy for personal use. I love that when I stop looking, things just fall into my lap.
Homework bitches, I'm in need of you.
Okay, so this bitch I hated and I are friends today. She said some things. Today, I tore her a new asshole. Now we're friends and we exchanged nudes. I like how this worked out.
Why do people lie about their weight? Don't put it up if you're just gonna lie. Girls, most of us can tell if you're lying about your weight. If you're a heifer, that's fine, but own up to it because I can clearly see you don't weigh 120.
"OK, if you live in California, I am so not interested. You can stick your cam where the sun don't shine."
I saw this on a submissive male's journal. What the fuck? I live in the MOST populated state in the US. Not everyone is the same, dickwad.
I'm in love with my boyfriend. Yep, you heard it from me first. I am crazy in love with this boy. Today was supposed to be a cuddle day, when he comes over and we cuddle all day, however, my family decided they wanted to be home and they are intrusive, mean, and selfish, so I drove over to his house instead which was well worth it. He was happy about how his commission work went. I got there before he did, so I knocked on the door, his cousin answered, we talked and I sat by grandpa and we joked about some game his other cousin was playing. When he came home, things went just as well as I knew they would. I was sleepy and a bit hung over, but having him touch me immediately made me wet. Needless to say, he pounded my pretty cunt from veins until we both had an explosive orgasm. He wrapped is arms under mine, kissed my back and whispered that he loves me into my spine while his cum dripped down my thighs. My heart kept skipping beats during, but with a little nap and cuddling, I felt a lot better. I've never felt so close to anyone before. Perhaps maybe it's something real. We've both been in love with people who lied, kept secrets, and weren't the people we thought they were; it's like the first time for both of us, even if it's not. I truly couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.
Trolling through journals, I saw this:
"..every human being on the face of the earth has a different sexuality than anyone else. Kind of like snow flakes. gay, straight and bi are only media words. there is no such thing.."
Are you serious? Do you know how moronic this sounds? You can only go so many ways. There are only so many different sexes that you can be attracted to. And if you are attracted to animals or objects, they have words for that too. There's a reason there are labels. People aren't that different from each other no matter how much schools want to teach you that you're a special little snow flake and everything you do is amazing and you'll become the president someday. Right, let me go ahead and pretend like that's actually plausible.
Here's an exchange I just had with one of the subs who incessantly bitches in journals:
ToxicPrincess:
I've seen your journals for weeks as I troll them hourly. Do you do anything but bitch? Holy fuck. Don't like CollarMe as much as you say? Simple, leave.
mikeyOfGeorgia:
And you don't have to read to read them either. Come back when you're old enough to know what the hell you're talking about.
Okay, let's start off with, I read EVERYONE'S journals. Yes, every single one. Mobile site > Recent Journals > ALL JOURNALS IN ORDER. So, you're not special, I just remember your bitching. So, you're pushing 50 and because I give you a simple, logical answer about how to quit your obvious headaches with this website, you bash my age. I've probably been using the Internet as long as you have, old man. But, I utilize it. Do you know more than just the surface? Do you know what Tor is? Do you know how hackers can run your webcam and video you without your knowledge? No, I don't think so. You just gripe. Always. And it's about the SAMEA FUCKING THING. Yep, there are scammers, fakes, flakes, and liars. WELCOME TO THE INTERNET. And finally, a REAL person (me) messages you with something REAL to say (not about money or whatever else you bitch about), you shoot me down because you don't like what I have to say. So, mister fucking boo-hoo'er, get the fuck over the risks you take by being on this website. Your time and energy could be used elsewhere, like finding someone who's going to put up with you.
"I've been sitting here with my webcam on, yahoo's ID being goalie2b34, for an hour. And no one has even said Hi. Epic Fail."
That's because NOBODY CARES.
Sidenote, if I decide to come back to CollarMe, it will be a joint Dom/me Couple account with my boyfriend, Joshua.
After being virtually stalked on here by some disgusting douche who has an obsession with not only me but my relationship with my boyfriend, I've decided that I will, in fact, delete my account. For months, I've tried to find that 1% on here that are supposed to make it worth it but truthfully, mostly all of you are self centered, egotistical, illiterate, uneducated, disgusting, fat, lazy, unappealing, repulsive, self proclaimed, questionably entitled, immature, socially inept and the list goes on! Most of the Dom/mes on here swear that the fucking Sun shines out of their asses and most of the subs on here are honestly too stupid to know otherwise. It's like all of the most retarded people in their respective countries came together and joined this website. It's like you have to HERP one million DERPs in order to join the website. And no, I'm not being chased off, this scene is just simply not for me. I don't regret being here. I met my amazing boyfriend on here. But, as I've said time and time again, people on the Internet and especially this site, will never change. The amount of creepers and wankers will increase. And unlike most of you retards, I have enough common sense to LEAVE. As of March 8, this account will be closed. If you wish further communication, ask for my email, otherwise, fuck off.
Why? All of your "hard limits" are vanilla things. You're basically saying "Oh yeah, I'll shit on you, but don't you dare make me watch tv!" You're ridiculous.
Gigglesnorts. I love hearing about losers' crumbling relationships knowing that mine is more than amazing. So, this weekend is my little cousin's birthday party. My boyfriend and I will obviously attend. He'll meet more of my family, which is a lot of fun. Everyone loves him as it is. Since today is his birthday and tomorrow I have class and am going shopping with my grandmother, we're celebrating his 27th on Sunday. I'll be driving out there around noon and then we'll venture to see The Lorax at the IMAX and have dinner someplace. It may sound simple, it may sound dumb, but I know that it's the exact thing that he wants to do with me, and that's all I care about. :] Having a wonderful relationship just keeps me in a good mood. And obviously I have to rub it in your fucking face.
Girls and guys, take this quote as a lesson.
"My wife didn't want to be my best friend, she wanted to be my only friend, and that made her a shitty person."
Don't ever suffocate your other half. Even slaves need friends.
That awkward moment when you try to reply to someone's journal and give advice only to find out you're blocked.
It's not that we're that obnoxious couple but, my boyfriend and I are pretty much a combo deal when meeting up with people from CollarMe now because of a couple douchebags I've met solo. Not that I think everyone will turn out like them, but if anything ever happened to me, there would be absolute Hell to pay for whoever caused it. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Not to mention, I'm a pretty small girl. Meeting people by myself is not always a particularly good idea. Deal with it.
Do not confuse my attitude with my personality. My personality is who I am, my attitude is determined by who you are.
I'm going birthday gift shopping for the boyfriend today and have no idea where to even start.
For someone who says that I get frustrated easily with you and that I go from joking to serious quickly, you sure have some experience. It's been nice being here with him this weekend, but I can't wait to go home. I'm tired of the little fights that turn out fine, the ones that make one believe that everything is worth it. I'm tired of revelations. I'm tired of him looking at me like I'm lazy because I don't want to do anything. I have to deal with the stress of driving home later, and I don't deal well with it at all. I'm sorry. I know your ideal relationship isn't about laying around and watching movies, but quite honestly, it's something that we can do together when I don't have to see that stress in your eyes because of our lack of money at the moment. And I know, it's gonna be okay, and it'll be okay soon, but right now, this is comfortable. I don't want you to worry about anything. I want to show you that we can entertain each other. It'll make everything we do do, that much more exciting. I love you.
Is it possible for me to be any more hung over than I already am? Holy fuck. On another note, great party last night. :D
So, the drive here was stressful. There were 12 accidents within the 53 mile distance, three were large scale (4+ cars), and I witnessed a pileup where someone went through the window. Not only that, but some douchebag in an SUV almost took me out because he didn't blinker, didn't fucking look, and didn't care that he almost smashed into my goddamn Camry. All I wanted to do was curl up in my boyfriend's arms. I was stressed, shaken, in tears and needing comfort when I arrived. My amazing boyfriend got me flowers and wrote a cute little note saying that he knew I had a bad day and wanted to cheer me up. Isn't he the cutest thing in the world? So, we cuddled a bit until hormones took over. He slipped my pretty white cotton panties down my thighs and buried his face right into my pussy. My goodness did he go to work! He wrapped his arms around my thighs and I wrapped my legs around his neck and forced his tongue deeper into my cunt. He makes my toes curl, but I whimpered softly and pulled his hands up. I was craving much more than his tongue, especially feeling his hard cock pressed up against my calf. When he finally entered, it felt like nothing else in the entire universe mattered. His body pressed up against mine, tasting my cum on his lips, and needing all of him. He flipped me over, and fucked me from behind, by feeling his heavy balls, I knew he would fill me completely. And he did. Afterwards, we had to make Forever Alone Guy (his grandfather's best friend who is like 23, WTF RIGHT) feel uncomfortable, so I walked out in boxers and a sports bra. His grandfather hit on me like usual. Not that I mind. Haha. He fucked me again, and I decided to just fucking kamikaze all over this bitch. Threw the pillow and knocked over all the stuff on the dresser; threw the remote across the room. Anyways, now, I'm curled up in the pillow fortress, watching Paul, waiting for my boyfriend to come back from walking the dogs. I can't wait to curl up in his arms and fall asleep tonight.
So, I didn't sleep last night and had an 8 AM class, which sucked so hard. I ended up getting my class at least, but the WEIRDEST thing happened. I was placed in a group with this guy, Alan, who looks ridiculously similar to my ex boyfriend, Alec. When I say ridiculous, I mean, they could be twins. It was scary. When he walked in, my heart sank, but he seems okay. So, fast forward, it's a speech class. This is my forte. Speaking in general, even public speaking, is something I enjoy. I grew up on the stage. I love being infront of people. I don't mind being stared at. My professor told me I have way too much energy for most the people in the class. He also guessed I was a performing arts major (which, wouldnt have been wrong if he had asked last year, but that's not the case now). So! Everything went okay all in all. I was just so exhausted. Now, I'm waiting for my laundry to dry so I can drive over to my boyfriend's. All I want to do is curl up in his arms and sleep. :]
You must have THE ugliest vagina. My God. It looks like a drooling ham sandwich on steroids. Put that nasty shit away. Fuck. You have an ugly personality, are as dumb as a fucking brick, and look like a fat Cher. Seriously. You're telling these guys to get a job when you're looking for a sugar daddy? Lol. Can you get any dumber? Can you get any more unappealing? You wonder why you haven't found your match, IT'S BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. You're delusional. Stop posting pictures. In fact, stop posting. I can tolerate most of the people on this site but every time I see your name, a part of me literally DIES because you have to be the very definition of white trash looking to be a charity case. And guess what, rich business men don't want fat girls with ugly teeth, they can get a girl who is naturally prettier than you so that they don't have to spend their money on a hucow. Ugh. You disgusting, lazy slob.
Insomnia is a bitch. I have to wake up in 2 hours for class. Yeah. My life sucks quite a bit right now.
Ironic that I said "I hope it doesn't blow up in your fucking face" and IT HAS. Hahahaha. Oh, boy, you'll never learn.
Today is not a good day; in fact, it hasn't been a good couple of days. I've never felt so fucking weak in my entire life. I just want to lay down and sleep. But, my boyfriend and I are fighting. I can understand why he's upset but I don't agree with it, but now he's just getting angry. And the angrier he gets, the more I shut down. I try to fight back and act like everything is fine. Like I haven't been sobbing for the last hour. Like I'm angry too, but I'm not. I just don't want to fight. I don't want to be angry. I just want it to fucking stop. He's making me revert quickly. Like a little girl being scolded. Screaming "No, Daddy, please, not the belt". I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I wanted to disappear. I kept asking "please".. My heart is breaking.. I wish he'd get the hint.. I wish he'd just drop it for one minute. It's like we've been fighting constantly the last few days. Maybe it's a sign that we aren't meant to be together. Maybe it's a sign that it's time for some space.
Sometimes, in my mind, I belong to him. But I'll always love you; I'll always feel you. You'll never know.
God, you're fat.
I'm gonna be that faggot that says when you love someone, they become perfect in their imperfections because they are perfect for you. OH, BUT THAT REQUIRES AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP.
So, for those who are terrible people, I'll tell you a story from today when karma took hold. So, I had to pick my brother up from school, and as I was getting on the freeway, a douche who was behind me on the ramp, used the emergency lane to cut me off (I wasn't even going slow), almost side-swiped me and then sped off. I'm thinking "oh yeah, you look super cool in your sparkly blue convertible, dude". So, I'm driving and get about 10 miles down when I see smoke and smell burned tires. I'm like, ew. I get closer and that douche bag had blown his tire, swerved from the middle lane and hit the divider! I couldn't help but laugh. He was walking around fine, but his car was wrecked. I had to drive by and flip him off, just to be a bitch.
Okay. So, going through profiles, I've seen a lot of the same pattern. PEOPLE ARE RETARDED WHEN GIVEN AN OPTION. You list you're bisexual, YET YOU ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR ONE SEX? Bullshit. You list that you're a switch, YET YOU ONLY SPEAK OF DOMINATING SOMEONE? Moron. I know, girls, being bisexual is OH SO COOL, and it takes you back to your Myspace days when people actually paid attention to you, but the truth of the matter is, NO, you're just an attention whore. And while we're talking about attention whores, I'm sure that most of these girls don't want to be with a girl because they're afraid their new sub or Domme will be prettier than them. Wouldn't that be a fucking shame if you couldn't surround yourself with ugly girls and make yourself look better? Why are women SO insecure? Do you HAVE to be the prettiest? No. Do you HAVE to be the thinnest with the biggest tits? No. Does it just show that you have absolutely no personality to speak of? Bingo.
When you hate somebody, EVERYTHING they do bothers you. Like, "Look at that bitch over there, eating her crackers like she fucking owns the place".
The best thing about living in Southern California is that I can decide at any random hour to get up and drive to the beach. That's what I've decided this cold night. I want to play in the sand.
I don't generally post about my sexual exploits and I won't tonight but I NEED to say this, my boyfriend was a fucking stud in bed today. The first time, we made love and it was truly beautiful. I felt him completely against me with every thrust. The second time was a two parter, yes, TWO. We started and after a few minutes, the lack of sleep got the best of me and I needed to just lay down for a little while. A "to be continued" thing. Since I hurt my bad knee doing a fucking Chinese fire drill at the light, I gave him the option of having me ride him this time or the next. He chose this time. I absolutely loved riding him today. My cunt wrapped around his cock, milking it throughout. When he came, he pressed the back of my neck, nuzzling my face into his shoulder while he wrapped his strong arms around me. Not to mention, he came an impressive amount. And his face went numb from the intensity. The third time around was our normal, raunchy, hard fuck. I fondled his full balls while he fucked me from behind. Let me say, this time, when I came, I almost vomited because it was THAT good. I've never had that experience before. My entire body felt like Jello afterwards. We had an amazing day and I can't wait to be in his arms again on Tuesday. <3
EndlessControl is the type of Dominant that gives this lifestyle a bad name. He thinks that dominant is a synonym for abusive. That's not true. If YOU can't keep your sub or slave in check without abusing them, YOU'RE doing something wrong. Now, I realize we have pain sluts here, and that's all fine and dandy, I love pain sluts, but I wouldn't tell just any sub that I'll slap the shit out of them for raising their voice at me. If they do, they better have a damn good reason and honestly, most of the time, they DO. if someone raises their voice, it's usually because you haven't listened the first or..twentieth time.
So, Monday, I have a date with a cute boy. I'm sure that things will be fabulous. We're thinking the cupcake shop near us. Super chic! Coffee, cupcakes, and company, what else could I ask for?
On a side note, I respect couples in a certain way, but I don't understand why so many people begin to refer to their partner as basically an extension of themselves. It's obnoxious ans unnecessary. That's like having a fucking tumor. Maybe it's benign and doesn't need to be removed but you've just described your partner as a tumor, good job. I have a partner who I love, truly, but we are still two different people. We clash, we argue, I've smothered him with a couple of pillows before (no that's not a euphemism, even though I've tried doing that, the twins aren't big enough, maybe coz he has a fat face, but whatever, and on that topic, someone explain how you're supposed to smother someone with a pillow, we tried with 5 different pillows and it didn't work), and I don't refer to us when talking as "we". Because WE don't think the same. WE have our own thoughts. WE aren't tumors. Well, I'm not. Sometimes he is but, hey, I guess that's just rolling with the punches, haha. Anyways, the gist of this is, if you have a couple account, one of you manages it. Let's be serious. Usually one partner just observes sometimes and often times didn't even want the account, so specify who you are and what you're feeling. And I KNOW, sometimes it's the slave who is talking, but guess what, you obviously have some sort of brain function to be on the Internet in the first place, so, come on. Use it.
Holy fuck, bitch, can you post any more journals? -_-"
It disappoints me that my uncle is on his fourth or fifth divorce currently. I'm honestly glad my mom advised me not to go to Vegas for the wedding (again). It would've been a waste of a drive since they've only been together 6 months if that.
Who wants to wash and wax my fucking car today?
Me: Tony, would you rather lick an asshole that you knew just shit or be snowballed?
Tony: Snowball.
Me: Josh is weird then.
Tony: Why?
Me: He'd rather lick my constipated ass.
Tony: Ewwwww.
Me: Yeah, he's ew.
:p I love being able to talk to old people, YES TONY, YOU'RE OLD, like we're 13. It's entertaining. :3
I have to say this, you're not even a Dom, you are a sub, in fact, you're a puppy boy, a depressed, clingy one at that. So, because you couldn't find a Dom, you found a sub. And it's funny, every time you write on your Dom journal and try to talk like you actually have a Dominant bone in your body, I can't help but to think about the times you'd whimper and whine to coil up next to me. It's funny. Good for you.
I'm a bit irked by a disagreement I had earlier. So, I'm laying in bed, just chilling, watching tv and I get a text message that says "Hmmmm.." So, I'm like, okay, "what". Reasonable, right? So, he goes on to say "You have me thinking of nasty ass play." As a woman who is not constantly turned on (yep, weird for this website, I know), I'm like "Cool story, bro". Then, he gets short and he's like "OK nevermind" and I'm like "what did you expect me to say?" He's like "Nothing" and I'm sitting here thinking that he obviously wanted me to say something other than what I said or else he wouldn't be all pissy. Like it fucking matters now, right? Any-fucking-way, so, here I am, explaining to him WHY this method wasn't effective with me. Apparently, I'm supposed to take initiative to ask what he's thinking. I'm not turned on, so I'm not interested! Right? Oh no. That's not what I'm irked at. I'm irked at the fact that I'll write detailed fantasies (WHICH I EVEN DID MULTIPLE TIMES TODAY) to him, and I get "ass play". So, I tell him this and he's telling me that shutting him down is a sure fire way to not get a fantasy, and I'm saying, that doesn't matter because I wasn't interested to begin with. I think it's all bullshit. If you want to turn me on, write me a fantasy. If you don't, then don't just assume I'm super horny and want to fuck when I've said multiple times today that I'm not feeling very aroused. Not that it matters apparently, but whatever the fuck. If you have an opinion, dear CollarMe'rs, message me. Tell me what's on your mind because I'd like someone's opinion on it.
I just saw a profile that said "Not to be arrogant, but I am the SMARTIST person I know". Oh, CollarMe, you never cease to amaze me.
I don't want or need your opinions, I just need you to listen.
It's not easy dating another Dom, when we both don't switch, but in my opinion, that's what makes it all worth it. To have someone who loves you enough that will sometimes back down for the sake of not arguing or to ignore their own pride and ego to save a relationship, you'll always know that the relationship is built around a true, passionate love that is resilient against even the roughest elements. We continuously push each other, we grow every moment, as individuals and as a couple. Our relationship is not easy, it is an uphill battle, but it's possible. Some people would say that our relationship is vanilla, they'd say that the key aspect of a BDSM relationship is the power exchange, but I wouldn't agree. Our relationship is sustainable, with both of us being Dom/mes, solely because we have respect for each other, for who we are as individuals, for our wants ans our needs, and with that respect, there is understanding and acceptance. We love each other, the parts we sync completely with and the parts that that are flawed, and with constant communication, our relationship thrives. Like a wild flower that grows only in the desert, the most unsustainable place to live, it thrives because it saves its strength and waits for the rain, because it knows it's coming. The beauty blooms even in an ugly place and it finds a sweet surrender in the elements. Last night wasn't the best for us because our communication lacked, but today, we were able to look past that, to say sorry, to forgive and forget that we were wrong, but know that today is a new day with new love, new hope, and with dating Joshua, a new challenge.
Is it cheating if it's just a kiss? Is it cheating having feelings like this?
Taken from someone's journal: "What can a sack of total shit expect on Valentines? What I got really. Nothing. From anyone. Not a glance, a look a care. In some ways I wish I was owned and loved and cared for, but in others I realise that is all lies and fantasy... Dominant men want sex and abuse and a whore to beat and destroy far more than they want something to nurture and care for."
This journal enraged me and broke my heart at the same time for more than a couple reasons. Let's pick out the things that angered me to begin with. One, if you see yourself as a piece of shit, that's what you are. Your insecurity is ugly. Two, if you see yourself as that, you can't be upset that people treat you that way. Three, especially Doms. Four, No, not ALL the Doms on here want a whore to beat. Have you read through the journals or are you too stuck in your own pathetic world? I've seen a lot of Doms who want a serious, LTR. Five, I've MET Doms who want to love and nurture people. My boyfriend is one of them. So, let's go into why this is really sad. First, I've seen the type of messages that sub females get, there are Doms who are complete chodes. Second, this woman has apparently let people here leave her bitter; that's a terrible thing. If you're not emotionally stable enough to be on the Internet, get the fuck off of it. It's just sad to see. Third, work on your insecurities, please, for everyone's sake. You can't expect someone to love you if you don't even love you.
Today wasn't a wonderful day for me. When I was 16, young and "free", I was engaged. He died on April 22, 2010. He would have been 26 today. Although I've got the most amazing boyfriend I could ever ask for, I still love Nathan and I feel that I always will. It was rough, I needed to be held and to make matters worst, I spent 6 hours at the college to find out that I probably won't get any classes this semester which is terribly frustrating, but, I haven't given up hope because all I need is one class. That's all. I know there has to be something. I was afraid of going to a new school but I saw so many old faces and reconnected with old friends that it didn't even matter. I had an appointment at 4:20, was coerced into taking a blood sample for testing which was terrifying since I'm absolutely deathly afraid of needles. Yes, I have piercings ans a tattoo, but as the nurse said "There is a difference between wanting something done and not, wanting it takes the edge off". I almost fainted, but just knowing my boyfriend was waiting to hold me calmed me down. We came home and watched Gnomeo and Juliet. It was so fucking cute. I was so exhausted from the day that I ended up curling into his large chest and strong arms, and fell asleep. He swears that I growl-snore. I don't know how that sounds, but apparently it's extremely adorable and hilarious from what he said. Unfortunately, we got to a point in which I sobbed for almost an hour, it felt as if the tears would never cease. I just wanted to be in his arms or far, far away. Perhaps both. Always both. At the end of the night, he took a picture in his new gift (Captain America tidy whiteys) and I put on a black pair I have. It turned out cute, funny, but adorable. We ended the night by him tucking me in and giving me a kiss, and he never forgets piglet. He has got to be the most amazing boyfriend in the world. But, to my bitch of a "friend", if you ask how my day went, knowing I have a boyfriend I'm not ashamed to talk all about, then I will tell you, even if you're fat and forever alone, that doesn't concern me. I know you just wanted to stuff your face with chocolate all day, but fuck off. Let me have my fucking day with my love and don't you dare try to ruin it.
Ugh, so I finally decided to squeeze into some jeans, which I haven't done in almost two years because I'm a lazy fuck but oh my god, I think they might rip open my fucking hips and then dig into my bone. Can jeans be any more uncomfortable and can my ass look any more flat? Seriously. I'd like to know. Also, note to self, DON'T eat McGriddles before coming to school. The amount of fucking stairs is like a work out in itself but in tight jeans and a tummy full of junk, it's like my own personal Hell.
It's valentine's day, I'm up with way too little sleep under my belt, trying to get up to get ready for my first day of school. I wish I had a sub who I could just send to school for me. And see if I get any classes, but no, that can never happen, now can it? That would be the absolute best, but apparently I suck super hard and my boyfriend HATES me, so he's making me go. Asshole. Anyways, happy valentine's day, everyone and may your day NOT be filled with early wake up, cold mornings, retarded school protocol, birth control shots, and stress. :]
What a retarded cunt. Bitch posts about being called a dude, which she's obviously not due to the amount of photos that have shots of her vag in them, so I message her, completely out of fun saying that she was OBVIOUSLY a dude with all those vag pics and then said "silly boys", referring to the people harassing her. She retorts back saying I have nothing better to do with my life than call her a dude, AND that she strips on many occasions. Then, blocks me. What in the actual fuck? I was on her side, but it got thrown in my face because she can't understand sarcasm, so, girly, here it is, yes, you have a banging body but a fucked up face from what I can see and if you have to take "HOURS" to edit and photoshop your photos, you're just admitting that there's something wrong with you that you need to cover up. Seriously. If you thought you were as hot as you say you are, then you wouldn't need that, now would you? No. Not at all. So, I felt bad for you but not after that move. Also, you're new here and that's how you go about treating people? Lol, well, okay. I hope your Dom is proud. Obviously he's done a terrific job. Hah.
I just finished with my boyfriend's valentine's day gift. I know he's gonna appreciate the little things more than what I actually bought. I hope he likes it.
In response to a response to a journal entry: Have you ever seen 1guy1jar? That's exactly what happened. Dude sat on a baby food jar and it broke inside of his asshole. The video records the whole thing. Kind of fucking gruesome. Apparently internal injuries are just as disgusting as they sound. Be careful, girls. :D
What in the actual fuck? I was told there's no way I could be a Domme because I'm short and Vietnamese. One, I'm not that short, and two, I'm not Vietnamese! I can barely pass as Asian. I'm Filipino and italian. And I don't see how any of that matters anyways. Dominance as nothing to do with physical appearance. It's a state of being.
So, for those who asked about the 70s party, it was amazing. I wore a high-waist pencil skirt and sequent, silver top, purple hair feather and 7" purple pumps. Looked gorgeous, huh? My lovely boyfriend wore his grey pants and purple button up, obviously his chest hair had to be all out there. He was looking real cute though. The party itself was a blast! My cousins are so much fun. An amazing amount of drinking games, bonfire, dancing (mostly dirty), and smoking happened. I felt worn down today, but the night ended with going home with Josh. He was a trooper the entire night with getting interviewed by my aunts and grandmother, and getting the death look by my uncle who is my protector. The amount of alcohol, nicotine, and sex that was had last night was honestly too much for my tiny body! I fell asleep curled up in what we call the "pillow fortress" that I make up in the corner in his bed. I had a nightmare during the night and nudged him awake, he was completely loving and made me feel safe, so I fell asleep coiled up in his big arms in minutes. We spent the entire day together and although it took me an hour to go 4 miles to Wendy's for lunch because I got lost (very lost..), it was just a great day. He made me watch Shark vs. Eagle. A lot of it reminded me of him. The first night he brought me home he said "LOOK AT WHAT I JUST PAINTED" as he held up some tiny figurine (obviously super sexy), not to mention, his supposed "in and out" scheme that took 5 minutes (the second time around, the first was wonderful), and the fact that he sniffed my hair the first night we met when we hugged. He's a weirdo, but I absolutely love it, and I can honestly say that I can't wait to see where this relationship leads. <3
So, don't let me down and don't shut me out. Let's fall in love again.
In elementary school, I cried when someone took my crayons. In middle school, I thought I was too good for coloring. In high school, I was like "Bitch, touch my colors and I will slit your fucking throat". We all revert in one way or another. It's comfortable. In life, that's all we're looking for. To ease our anxiety, broken hearts, loneliness, pain. To find a place to lay our head and close our eyes. To belong.
The way these purple pumps would look with my black and purple fishnet thigh highs makes my cunt drip. Can't wait to show my boyfriend! :D
Tomorrow is the '70s party and I have to say that I'm excited. Yes, I modernized a lot of th outfit, but it's still gonna work and be hot at the same time. Things will be just groovy.
Let me make this clear (if I haven't already). I have a Dom boyfriend, who is on this site, who I met off of this site. I read him messages that I get. Tonight, we had a lovely day out. Did laundry, I made huge breakfast and we watched Despicable Me while cuddling and then met up with some friends for hookah and dinner! Come back home, and I have a message from some retard saying that I have a nice ass and to let him fuck it all night long with his hard cock. If that wasn't bad enough (and it was), he gave me his number and email. Are you serious? You joined this site two days ago and you're already starting off on the wrong foot. Creepy guys like that don't come near me. I know how to protect myself, I always have a weapon on my person and besides that, I have a big, strong boyfriend who will always be the first to come to my rescue. So, douchebag, I won't post your number or email this time, but learn to read profiles and journals. This isn't Craigslist. I'm not for sale and I'm certainly not interested. Thanks.
In response to my boyfriend's grandmother threatening to downtown him if we got married in Vegas on the 24th.
Dear bitch,
I'm unique, I've got a bigger than life personality packed into a 5'2" shell, and I'm sharper than the crack of a whip. I don't complain about everything, I never forget to take time to smell the roses and I don't hide my smile because I'm ashamed. I am not perfect, I cry over the little things, and that's because I can admit that I am touched, and in return, I touch others. I have piercings and tattoos, I cut my hair shorter than most girls and I rarely take the time to wear anything decent because I know with him, it'll come off anyways. I can't say that our relationship is impeccable. I know that it will always be an uphill battle with a bull headed man like Joshua, but he's the one for me. I won't promise you sunshine and lollipops. I can't say that we won't make mistakes. But, for someone who makes it very apparent that they have absolutely no grasp on what true, healthy, beautiful love is, you certainly have a lot to say against it. I refuse to allow you to ruin us. I will not sit back and wait for your bitter heart to completely devastate anything that him and I have. I may be a hoodlum in your eyes, but I'm IN love with that boy, and we will get married when we are damn well ready regardless of if you give us your blessing. I can see the future and more in his eyes, and at the end of the day, your opinion just doesn't fucking matter.?
Sincerely,
Your future grand-daughter in law.
So, my mother and uncle guilt tripped me into saying I'd go. No, not just me, they guilt tripped me into saying WE are going. Yes, we. I volunteered my amazing, lovely, handsome boyfriend to a 4 day trip to Vegas with my family and I. Yes, 4 days, for the slot tournament. I must be crazy. Absolutely, positively insane. We leave on Friday, the 24th, two weeks. Four hour drive with my grandmother in the car. I truly can't imagine what we'll do for four days since I'm not old enough to gamble, but I'm sure we'll find something. It's Vegas! Now, I'm thinking about putting some color in my hair next week after getting it cut. Perhaps red. We'll see how I'm feeling then.
So, last night a Dom I don't know posted in his journal about lobbyists asking a specific question as to why they exist. Here's what happened next:
ToxicPrincess:
Lobbyists are from interest groups. Interest groups have one thing that congressmen need: information. That's why lobbyists are useful for the government. They give the congressmen information on whatever bill is currently passing since congress are not and cannot be responsible for knowing everything about every bill, that's why we have interest groups.
CarlisleDom:
Thank you for your bit of stupidity. ?Go away child and learn how the world really works. ?Politicians use lobbying as a legal way to accept bribes. ?I have seen what happens, I have had the scum try to squeeze me for money and it is all legal.
?
BTW: your profile reads likes it is from a B movie
ToxicPrincess:
You should probably look up the definition and think again.
CarlisleDom:
LOL - look up the definition of ignorant you silly cunt. ?The real world doesn't work like textbooks.
- As you can see, nothing I said was offensive. I never once cursed or made a slur about his complete and utter idiotic stances, and yet, because I know what I'm talking about, he has a problem, lol. What a fucking retard.
Talking to my friend, Jeremy.
Me: Sup?
Him: In pain.
Me: What'd you do to yourself now?
Him: I fell in the shower.
Me: .... Dumbass.
Who the fuck falls in the shower? I'm clumsy as fuck and not even I do that.
There are some personal things I don't talk about. And it's because it's none of your fucking business. Fuck.
Bitch, if you are gonna dye your hair, do something about your fucking eyebrows. Cover them up, dye them, do something because you look ridiculous.
Back in Shakespear's day, men would woo a lady by saying something like "Your lips are like wine, and I'd like to get drunk", while today, a dude would say "I want to fuck you". Maybe I'm crazy, but poetry is beautiful and I truly wish that I would get it more often from anyone. Ah well. We traded in class for ass ass ass ass.
Some boys just can't handle their arsenic.
I wish I could rap and also bark like a dog.
This bitch wants a lifestyle that is not sustainable. I didn't even address it to him specifically, just posted a journal and was told I have a "FAKE PROFILE" because I didn't agree with him. What a fucking retard. I'd be a pretty awesome fake.
Feeling physically weak. Just wanting to curl up with my blankies and teddybear to watch movies.
24/7 D/s relationships are not sustainable. There always needs to be more.
Next week, my aunt is turning 50. Joshua and I are going down to Oceanside to celebrate with family. It's 1970s style and I'm thinking about either going as a punk girl (don't need to do much, haha) or an andro hippie from the late 60s. :] maybe even a roller rink disco girl. Any ideas from anyone on here?
So, I come home around midnight and as Joshua is walking me to my door, he points something out on my porch. I flash my phone over it and it's a fucking muffin with a pen sticking out of it with a banner that says "Fish are friends" (not food, Finding Nemo reference). I have no idea who put it there or why but it was THE most hilarious thing that's happened to me by far.
"BDSM without sex is a waste of time." That's what I was just told because I don't allow my subs to service me sexually (BECAUSE I HAVE A DOM BOYFRIEND). Then, I'm told that it's just a bunch of prostitutes with their clients. See, I would think I'd be more of a prostitute if I fucked every sub I used. But, the best part is that he's married with children. I wouldn't fuck a married man, ever. I'm NOT a homewrecker. I will not start now.
One night when we were at the grocery store, my boyfriend went to get drinks while I smoked a cigarette. I decided to dance around the car and make friends with the people near us. They asked me to party and I just wanted to make friends, so I said "no thanks" and walked back to the car. When he came back, I told him and he said "I always feel like I have to watch you because you seem to get yourself in trouble." I retorted with "I just want to make friends" and he said "There's the way that you think and the way that everyone else thinks". I guess he's right, I am just a genuinely nice person just looking to be friendly and people take it the wrong way. I don't understand when being friendly meant flirtatious.
Women's logic: Wear as little clothing as possible (if any) then complain about being harassed or stared at.
.. This applying for college thing is bullshit, seriously, the classes I was set up with are going to be so extremely boring. Not to mention intro to theater? I took advanced theater for three years. Music appreciation? I've played piano for 10. This is gonna suck.
Today, I was told by my mother that I can't go to school for dance, they won't pay for my classes even though they know I'm good enough. That being said, my amazing boyfriend stepped up and said that if they won't pay for them, he will. :]
It must be hard for someone that loves music as much as you do to have one child who has no interest in it and another who is deaf.
Today, I posted a journal that said "love me" and a lovely puppy boy texted me until I felt better. He's a sweetheart, and to any Domme who isn't a cunt, he'd be an amazing pet. I just hope you know.
Love me.
Driving home from Hemet shirtless. Tits are looking good today, even with the bruises my lovely boyfriend left. I think I may surprise him and start blowing him once we're back on a decent freeway and not on the backroads.
It's cuddle day for my lovely boyfriend and I. I can't wait to be in his arms.
Addiction: Driving to the store at 2 AM to get cigarettes.
That awkward moment when you suddenly have the most intense urge to cry FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
It's funny that my inbox is mostly dominated by Dominant males instead of submissive ones. Shame.
Reasons people get in shape:
2% - To get healthy.
98% - To get laid.
I've encountered many Doms who brag to me about their cock size when honestly, I couldn't give a fuck less. Not only will it never come near my perfect pussy (or any other orfice they desire), but I have no desire to see it. I have an amazing boufried who I am devoted to, and his cock is just a bit over average, but quite honestly, he's fucked me better than anyone I've been with, and believe me, I've been with guys who have had huge cocks that you're like "are you serious, bro?" but beyond that, out of respect for him and our relationship, leave your cock out of whatever you have to say.
Today I learned that you can fuck away nausea. Who'd have thunk it?
> dude posts in his journal about about his profile not being good enough/ not attracting people.
> I tried making friends with said dude, everything cool, offered to go to lunch with his gf and him with my bf.
> dude didn't respond.
Wtf. You could've said you wasted my time, you douche.
My boyfriend drives me absolutely up the wall. We fight like the world is fucking ending and then talk for hours about nonsense. I guess that this is what loving someone is about. Doesn't mean I like it all the time, but it's 5 AM, we just got off the phone, and I plan to annoy the shit out of him when he comes over later. :]
I may decide to wear my tiny black booty shorts and fishnet thigh highs to see my boyfriend tomorrow. I absolutely love to drive him crazy. <3
While going through journals, I saw a Mistress posted a sub's girlfriend's number since he wanted to be blackmailed but couldn't pay. Funniest thing about it is that I could probably scare the shit out of her since I live in the same area as them. If I wasn't as hung over as I am currently, this would be hilarious. Another day.
Boyfriend and I went to Idyllwild today, where he's never been. We had an amazing time and on the way down, we stopped at a turn out overlooking the city, ans where the stars shine brightly, turned on a slow song and danced on the side of the road. Awfully romantic. <3 I love this boy!
ExposingLiars sent me a message saying "You suck nigger dicks" and then blocked me. Hm. My boyfriend is Irish, and I've never been with a black man before, so, not really. But thank you!
Toxic bitch, toxic slut, toxic cunt. All so clever. I like how Lady Bitch (yeah, I can come up with these "clever" names too!) and Bratty slut messaged a good friend of mine yesterday, Javid, my dear, you know who you are. All for you! Saying that he was "busted". I'm assuming because they think we're the same person. Even though he's clearly from Oregon, and I'm clearly from California, but if the distance itself wasn't enough of a clue, perhaps the fact that Javid is almost a foot taller than me and MALE would probably be a good hint. Javid is a cute dude. I've got a boyfriend though. And for the people who have been following my side of this and telling me that you've thought these retards are fake anyways, thank you. Oh, and also, the people who call themselves the "clique" are retarded. You probably didn't know that the clique means the group. It's not original, but oh stole it from a guy on Myspace, so obviously we can't expect too much.
Obviously the derp who couldn't come up with anything better than "Toxic Bitch" wants to play again. Funny. Once you put your shit online, it's public, look it up. Your business becomes my business and EVERYONE ELSE ON THE INTERNET. Get over it. Especially when your life is a train wreck and it's so disgusting that you can't look away. Why do you think viral videos get so big? Because it's disgusting but you can't stop watching. That's what you are. A low budget, inbred, pathetic, viral video for my amusement. How's that feel, cunt?
Last night, a moronic bimbo posted about turning into a lesbian because men can't keep promises. I messaged her and told her that sexuality doesn't work that way. You don't choose to be gay. She replied to me saying I'm a fake Domme because I'm 18. She also said I can't claim to be Pro. One, nowhere in my profile do I claim to be pro, ever. Two, you're a couple years older than me, shut up. Three, you have a man face, go away. Four, DON'T FUCKING BLOCK ME AFTER TALKING SHIT.
I want a puppy boy.
Some retard created a fake Domme account named "ExposingLiars" and told me "No one wants to see your nasty ass". Oh, okay. Lmfao.
The fact that you're jealous makes me giggle. I know you want him, but he wants me, and that isn't going to change. Silly cunt.
When I go through Recent Journals, it makes me hate most of the people on this site.
Normal girls flirt by twirling their hair, giving a cute smile, and playing coy. I flirt by saying something along the lines of "YOUR FACE, I like that shit".
Man, all of these clever names. "Toxic bitch" and now "Toxic slut". None of those are insulting, actually, might be alternative screen names. But, anyways, let me know how I'm the "slut" when I had a nice talk with a good friend who's off at university all night and you went out looking like a tramp and teased men for free drinks.
Oh, okay. I didn't know that posting shit in your PUBLIC journal for all of the Internet to see was "private business". Also, I'm sure if I used "ToxicBitch" as my screen name, I would have gotten more submissives interested than I already do. How's it feel to have a train wreck of a life? This is why we don't encourage incest. Generally results in inbreds. Tsk tsk tsk.
The idea that this lifestyle is about being a complete slut and banging random dudes at bars for drinks with fellow sluts is offensive. It's not cute that you're a slut. It's not cute that your "Owners" are allowing you to be this way. And it's definitely not cute that you flaunt a repulsive attitude thinking it's attractive. Besides that, I think it's terrible that pathetic men actually want these types of girls. It's just a cycle of gross.
Took some relatively risqu?hotos last night. Perhaps I'll be convinced to share, hah.
This morning, I made my boyfriend stay up until 1 AM to watch Dance Moms with me on Lifetime so that he could get a feel for how our children will be, taking after their Mommy! ^_^
Excuse me, little mama, but you could say that I'm on duty. I'm looking for a cutie, with a big ol' ghetto booty. I really like your kitty cat and if you let me touch her, I know you ain't a bluffer, I'll take you to go see Usher.
I've decided to post about this indecent. Last night, while trolling through Recent Journals, I found one of a girl (sicktwistedmind) who lived rather near to me. Cool, right? Her picture had some weird substance on her ass, so I clicked her profile and she says she's a "no limits SUB, not slave" (which doesn't really make sense, but okay). Anyways, at the bottom of her description she says "The stuff on my ass is blood." So, I look at the picture and her hand is on her vagina and there's blood on her ass. She says she's filthy, disgusting, so I make a joke ans send her "Please.. Don't tell me you were on your period when you took this." Reasonable guess, right? She sends back "It's called needle play, dumbass. Grow up." and then blocks me. Oh, okay. She had no needles in her, she had no track marks from what I could see in her photo, so OBVIOUSLY I WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THERE WERE NEEDLES THERE AT ONE TIME. Obviously that makes sense. I mean, lol, it was a joke to begin with, but the fact that she took it so bad made me laugh even harder. I couldn't help it. Obviously this bitch has problems and that's cool. Hopefully everyone gets a laugh out of this like I did.
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's fucking funny.
~Giggles~
I just read a profile that said "If you're 18, forget about it, I'm not about to serve you, kid". Now, now, if we want to test if the kitty has claws, expect to be not only scratched but torn to absolute shreds. What a shame.
Tell me WHY girls have "bisexual" on their profile and then say "I'm only looking for a man". If you're straight, cool, I respect that, but if you're bi, then that means you can and do get aroused and attracted to women. It's not just a "OH, I FEEL LIKE PLAYING WITH A VAG TODAY". Or if you're like Timid Boy, you're "hetero-flexible" and will fuck the other sex because you're really just horny and want to finally have sex, and that's cool, but own up to it.
Sometimes I message people to see if they want to be friends and most of the time I get a variation of "Why would I want to be your friend?"; I don't understand why you have to be rude. I'm trying to be friendly and it gets thrown in my face. Fuck you too.
Sitting on my couch, wrapped up in my blankets, drinking an English Toffee cappachino while watching Chicago. I absolutely love this musical. <3
Any local girls want to play?
The downside of dating a Dom is that one of you is usually left unfulfilled sexually.
I've seen good people lose themselves in this lifestyle and while it may be a wonderful theory, a 24/7 relationship and lifestyle is not sustainable. There always has to be something more because when it comes right down to it, the culture shock of the real and the present seem to send those who believe this is all that is, into oblivion. Don't get caught up.
Being told you're a "friends with benefits" is being told to your face that you're good enough to fuck, but not good enough to invest feelings into.
Today was a good day. I woke up sleepy, but that was okay because my lovely Dom boyfriend came over to cuddle with me. We took a drive down the canyon to Redlands and then shot off to Beaumont which was beautiful regardless of all of the weather. We took the long way to Roubidoux and then to Riverside to troll around the Tyler Mall where I bought the new thigh highs! He's excited about them, not as excited as I am, but still. It was a nice drive. Then, we came home and my grandmother and I cooked dinner for the family - fried chicken, dinner rolls, cheesy mashed potatoes and corn! I know, could I have added any more starches? Well, baby brought some rice home too, so I suppose so. It was nice being wrapped up in his arms, and I know since I'm a Domme, I'm supposed to portray this cold, loveless being (not that I'm offending any other Dommes. It's just a common thing I've seen amongst profiles and journals!) but I am a complete lush when it comes to this boy. And I know he's the same. So, fuck you stereotypes - I know that this Domme is going to be happy, even if it ain't with a submissive (although, my boy Ian has been a very good subby lately and I know he'll appreciate seeing this). Happy Sunday, y'all!
Got new fishnet thigh highs today from Hot Topic. Definitely excited.
It seems that most people on here don't know the difference between "submissive" and "slave". How about we educate ourselves before looking like complete morons? It might be a lot more fun.
Some women on this site are insecure enough to believe that they are the first, the last, and the best for any man they come across. I never understood this thought. Even if the dude is 50 years old, they still expect to be his first love, play partner, or fuck toy; get over yourself, chick. I promise you're not that great.
A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was praying that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but I'm holding you closer than most, because you are my heaven. <3
That annoying moment when someone calls you and wakes you from a nap but hangs up before they tell you why they call. JOSHUA.
Female submissives have figured out that they are very few and far between in this site and therefore can be picky. These girls need to get over themselves; it gets old fast. Plus, if you state in your profile that you want to be treated like a cunt. That you're worthless and useless and a piece of shit, YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN IF MEN TREAT YOU LIKE THAT. Yeah, that's right. Your complaints are revoked because you're a MORON.
I was an admin for a group on Facebook called the Butterfly Project; it's a group with a premise on helping prevent self harm and suicide while also providing an understanding community and educating those who don't do it, about it. Today, a 14 year old girl commited suicide because she didn't feel "pretty" enough, because she wasn't "loved" enough. So, for all of you out there who think that emotions are just a game, that rude, hurtful comments don't actually cut deep, reconsider your way of approaching people, because young girls like Kayla shouldn't end up in a casket. Rest in paradise, doll face.
The truth is, darlings, it's a never ending cycle. Submissives will complain of Pro and FinDommes, but the reason why it is so popular is because there are honestly a LOT of submissives who have this fetish. FinDommes will exist because it is a fruitful AND demanded fetish. So, submissives, don't scold Dommes, confront fellow submissives and ask them why they fall for scams and Dommes, perhaps we should just cut back on the whole tribute thing. I understand that it's nice and that your time is valuable, but we're all on this website, so you obviously aren't doing anything better with your time, especially if I see that you're posting in the recent journals every other hour - come on.
I'm terribly sick today and thoroughly unhappy.
Why are Dom/mes so insecure? I get it, you claimed that sub, but if you won't even allow your sub to talk to anyone except their same gender, you're just showing how little you trust them and their devotion to you. Come on.
Also, morons, "under consideration by a Dom/me and therefore not interested in any others at the moment" doesn't mean that the submissive is "fake" and yes, you can use the pear analogy, and yes, you can't say that you'd smack someone else's hand if they were to take such pear, but a pear does not have emotions. You do not build a relationship with it and then eat it. Any respectable Dom/me would back off if a submissive chooses to post that they are currently under consideration. Don't be spiteful or mean, just go away. They don't want any distractions when they are trying to give all of themselves to a specific Dom/me. Seriously. It's not that goddamn hard to understand.
People who complain that I'm 18 and therefore cannot possibly be a Domme bother me. What? You didn't start until you're 40 so you're spiteful that others were smart enough to research their kinks? You can go ahead and fuck off.
Why is it hard to find other Dommes who are interested in being FRIENDS and DON'T think that the entire universe revolves around them? Because, ladies, it surely doesn't, and I won't act like it does.
A lot of people on this website make ridiculously moronic mistakes and post them up in journals. Example comes from oinkforPrincess, "I've spent almost $1000 in fakes" after being here for 3 days; that's rough. But, don't be such a derp and it wouldn't be a problem.
Currently looking for new submissives; apply within.
When I see people who look like a sack of potatoes (and have the same amount of intellectual capacity) saying that they are "extremely popular" in their local scene, it makes me want to giggle. Usually they're from butt-fuck nowhere, population 5. If your local scene has 10 members in it, you would honestly have to be nonexistent to not be popular, but, quality not quantity, right? Hah.
Wanting a sub to make me a video of them shaking their ass to A$$ by Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj. Make it good, sluts.
wobble de wobble de wop.
Musing: There are submissives and Dominants (male, female and everywhere in between) who complain of all the fakes in journals; why don't they talk to each other?
So, I want a girl that will eat me for hours, AND ACTUALLY ENJOY IT.
I died the day you disappeared, so why would you be welcome here? Ride the wind that brought you back, away.
Currently being stalked; don't know if the lifestyle is worth the obsessive fucks it brings. Leave me alone.
Someone explain to me how being raped at a young age is an excuse for being lesbian? Sorry, it doesn't work like that.
Today, my lovely Dom boyfriend and I will be in the City of Angels. We're going to spend the Afternoon at the Griffith Observatory and then go down to Pasadena where my lovely MissyMaid will be making us dinner and perhaps even put on a nice show. Today will be lovely! <3
That awkward moment when you try to make friends with someone and they are owned by a Dom you turned down. God Almighty!
Aren't there any decent females who aren't owned? And if you are simply here to find a "sister sub", then that's a shame. I'm tired of reading female profiles that are solely there to lure random girls in to join a poly-house. Can't there be something better?
If you talk shit on me, shame on you. But, if you talk shit on my boyfriend or subs, I'll slit your fucking throat.
If you don't like CollarMe and the people on it, then LEAVE. Nobody is keeping you here and nobody will beg you to stay. I KNOW you just want to complain, so someone might sympathize for you, but guess what, there's going to be fakes, flakes, and scammers on ANY site, that's the risk you take with being on the Internet. Get over it or get the fuck off of it.
Curled up in bed with my Piglet stuffed animal, my Domo blankie and a cup of coffee, watching Finding Nemo. I have a good feeling about today.
Hm. The moment you look through your contacts and most of the names are a variation of "bitch, slut, whore, cunt, and sissy".
Tell me why all of the people into foot fetish on this site have ugly ass feet. Shit, I dance (you know, notorious for having terrible feet) and I'm calling these U-G-L-Y.
A close Dom friend of mine from West Virginia is coming out for the fetish ball and we've decided we're going to have a cane duel. Whoever calls "red" first becomes the winner's sub for an hour. This will be interesting.
Sitting at the studio. Such an amazing, beautiful, powerful thing dance is.
Toked out, eating soup and raspberry tea. Life is good.
Just bought a wireless remote vibrator. All the fun that is about to be had.
Word to the wise: If you have pictures of your cunt, cock, tits or any sort of sexual act including (but not limited to): blowjobs, gang bangs, strap on, butt plug, CBT, cum in any hole, or my personal favorite ANY sort of writing that portage you as a pig, slut, cow, whore, or skank as your default photo - you have NO right to complain that nobody treats you like a human. You have objectified yourself and if you can't respect yourself, then you can't expect anyone to respect you. Get the fuck over it.
Yes, I have a Dominant boyfriend who I met on this site. No, I will not date you. No, he will not be involved because he has no interest in you, and because he realizes that what is mine IS, in fact, mine. However, this means I will NOT fuck you, you will NOT service my cunt or ass. I will be clothed when I take you with a strap on and you will NEVER be my dirty little secret. Everything I do, he knows about. I'm open and honest. Don't like my games? Stay out of my fucking way. I currently have two submissives. MissyMaid is beginning her training with me and Blackhawkhockey2 is UNDER MY CONSIDERATION for my collar. I do not need anyone else, however, if you are impressive and appealing, this is tentative. Get on my level and play on it or watch me fucking eat your heart out.
I'm tipsy and eating cheese fries. Life is pretty fucking good.
Got asked out on a fucking date. I'm in the mood to take it. Think about this shit, good 420, nasty dubstep and laser tag. That's how it's done, boys.
I just got asked if a sub could suck my used tampon. What the fuck, guys? First, no, because you could very well get fucking sick. Do you have the same blood type as me? Probably not. Second, no, because that's just fucking gross.
With the amount of fucking messages I get, you'd think at least one would be appealing. If you're an idiot, I have no use for you. If you are looking for play partners, I'm not interested. And if you are a "do me" slut slave, you can fuck right off. At least have something to say.
I'm an emotional fucking wrecking ball. I'll tear you apart inside, and if you don't come crawling back, then you will leave without a sense of purpose. If you think you can handle it, then step up, but if you can't, stay the fuck out of my way.
New year, new submissives for Me. I'm hungover like it's my fucking job and cuddled into my boyfriend's bed while he showers. Who wants to rub my fucking feet today?
Going to be down in Oceanside and San Diego today and tomorrow. Tell me what's up!
New years resolution is to fucking get rid of the time wasters, fakes, flakes, and disappointments in my life. Perhaps new subs, lovers and friends.
Why the fuck do Dominant men continue to message me? I don't understand. I'm a Dominant woman, and you are a Dominant man (or couple), I shouldn't even be showing up on your fucking search. And if you are going to message me, be polite. I don't want to be with you because you are too weak to ever own me. And I don't want to start a poly-house. Where in my profile does it sound like any of that would appeal to me? Tell me. I'd like to fucking know if it's me or if it's because you're retarded.
I don't care who you are, if you are a Dominant and you consider your subs part of a "stable" or if you have too many to count solely to pay your bills, I want nothing to do with you. I have THREE subs that I am currently training to be mine and you can bet your ass that I know them on personal levels. I care about my boys. I put a lot of time, effort, and emotion into them and they would be more than happy to confirm that. So, "Dominants", do not contact me if you can't appreciate the true gift that submission is and the amazing relationship that it can be.
I want this to be publicly known: People who WANT to be farted on take ALL of the fun out of farting on them. Seriously. Nothing makes me laugh more than waking up my significant other by farting on their face and wondering if they'll get pink eye. So, fart fetish boys, all the best to you, but if I'm not having fun, then I'm not gonna do it.
Tonight, a new sub I've been training, Ohio, disappointed me for the SECOND time because he was too lazy to do his task today and felt it was more important to go out drinking with his friends and stay out until 5 AM than do his task or figure out that he has a job interview in a few hours. This boy has been dismissed until further notice.
I may have to stand on my tippy toes to reach the top shelf, but I'll still fucking squash you beneath my heels.
Every year, I seem to get more and more lotion and soap for Christmas. What the fuck, man? Are you trying to tell me something? I get it, I'm not your typical girl. I don't wear Hollister and I don't want a fucking sweater that seriously looks like you had to go and specifically find a sweater THIS ugly. Yeah, uncle, I'm talking to you. Seriously. Mauve? When you described it, I thought it'd be hideous but this color is IMPOSSIBLE to find, there has to be a fucking website for mauve world, it looks like vomit, but whatever. And just saying, if you're gonna get me candy, get me white chocolate. Okay? None of this Jelly Belly shit. Most flavors taste like butthole and they end up in my sling shot and that poor kid that was bugging the shit out of my dog earlier just got beaned in the head because you're a douche. How about we just stick with gift cards and cash and leave this lotion, soap, perfume, body spray, shitty candy ALONE.
I got an electric cigarette today, so I've spent the night blowing the vapor out of my nostrils like a dragon. I'm feeling devious.
Last night, I posted a photo up on Facebook and it said "Our teacher said 'Female masturbation is a myth', so I climbed up on his desk and became a legend." The ridiculous amount of likes, comments, and text messages that ensued by friends telling me how they KNEW that's something I'd do was almost overwhelmingly hilarious. Life is good.
So I'm a bitch. So I'm a spoiled brat. And so my mission is to break you under my will for amusement. I need someone who can keep up with me, and if you're up for the challenge - I wish you good luck.
I feel like making someone cry. I want your deepest darkest secrets so that I can rub your face into them. I want to tear you down emotionally and leave you gasping. Any fucking takers?
So, I woke up to a voicemail from oncemacho telling me that I am nothing but a fake, flake, lazy fat ass, and apparently a drug addict. Not only did I try to meet up with this guy multiple times, but he would avoid my calls on the days we were supposed to meet. By the time we had arranged and didn't meet for the THIRD time, he wanted to meet on Christmas Eve! I'm BUSY with family, which is what I said, but apparently that wasn't acceptable. He made me feel uncomfortable, I don't do sessions with people unless I trust them. That's the fucking deal. So! If you're going to be a douchebag, don't bother talking to me. It just wastes everyone's time.
Got too drunk last night. Vomitting today. Someone take care of me, please?
Because I'm making a turkey and ham tomorrow for the party, I have to make fudge, 50 cupcakes and a pumpkin pie tonight before I go to bed as well as clean the house. This means, I will read your messages but you most likely not receive a response until I am less swamped. Thank you for your patience and happy holidays!
Fair warning, if you give me your number, you may receive a drunk call on nights like tonight. You've been warned.
Word to the wise, I understand if you're with your family this time of year, so am I, but don't message me and ask me to train you and not give me time for a phone interview because you can't get away. I don't start training until I figure that we're compatible. I don't waste my time. So, please, bookmark my page and wait until you're free. Sound like a good deal? Okay. Thanks.
No matter what any girl says, pretty jewelry is what they want for Christmas, boys.
I used a lucky sissy submissive boy today and learned that after only five barehanded swats to his pretty little bottom, my nails leave welts! His red bottom contrasted nicely with a thong that I gave him. Unfortunately, this boy is no pain slut and I wasn't able to do anything I truly wanted to do, but as a true Dominant, I will always respect limits and never push my submissive toys to their safe word as long as they continue to communicate with me throughout the entire session. Not to mention, I have recently decided I enjoy online Domination, however, I am NOT a camgirl, I will NOT be one. I will cam/phone verify, but that is all I will do until I damn well feel like it. So, this is an open call to any and all submissives to send me a message and appeal to me.
Some submissives don't seem to realize that sometimes, I don't want to be a Dominant. Yes, I have Dominant personality traits, but during the holidays, no, I don't want to use you. I'd much rather spend time with the family or cuddle and be happy. So, call me fake, call me whatever you like, but that's the truth, and I will use you when I damn well please.
I want a sub who wants to be loved and cared for. Someone who can actually talk to me like a goddamn human instead of staring at me like I'm about to morph into a fucking xylophone playing, technicolored zebra. Seriously.
If you can't use "Dominant", "Dominate", or "Dominance" in the right context or get the three confused, you're not a Dominant, you're just a fucking retard.
Taking Team Viewer slaves; send information to my inbox.
Well, found someone's team viewer going through journals and the fucker only took a couple minutes of it and deleted his account and team viewer! You probably shouldn't have had your work email up if you didn't want me fucking with it. But, this is fucking fun. Who will be my newest victim?
Testing out team viewer with my iPhone. Who wants to let me play with their system? Heh.
As a personal preference, I will NOT take on any "no limit" slaves, and I will ALWAYS give a safe word, even if you don't use it. If you want to be a "no way out, no safe word" slave, that's your perogative, but I will not play with or own you. Don't even inquire. Thank you.
I have enough courage to say that I don't get angry when subs fall through, I don't throw fits, I do get sad and maybe a little hurt, but that's what happens on the Internet. You put yourself out there, and I don't regret a thing.
Even though I'm well versed in Female Supremacy, I do not believe that every female is superior to every man. That would be a silly assumption. If you have read A Brave New World, that is my view on the world. People are born Alpha, beta, or delta. As a Domme, I've always been Alpha, since I can remember. It's natural, and I understand that some females are born submissive or beta or even delta as slaves. That's their right to be such if it makes them happy. However, you Doms who contact me, do NOT assume that I'll submit because I'm a woman. Do NOT treat me like I am a lesser being because I was not born with a penis. I love making friends, especially Dom/mes who I can exchange ideas, fantasies, and experiences with, not to mention, go to fetish events.
Quick tip: If you post all day about how you hate the people on this site and the actual site itself, then CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT and LEAVE. Unfortunately, the Internet is FULL of flakes, fakes, and idiots. Just like real life - woah, look at that. Also, if you don't have a journal, I'll probably think you're fake. The real people on this site tend to journal at least once. You can prove me wrong though. You're either fake or you don't care, which are both unacceptable.
Per request, I finally made an Amazon wishlist, if you want the information, send me a message and ask.
a poem for you miss.
a toxic satisfaction
I kneel in respect and admiration,
to satisfy your every sensation,
do as you say and not as you do,
because I kneel to you,
I give you my thoughts, my creativity,
and to live with the humility,
of trotting around on a collar and leash,
"please, can I have something to eat?"
you call 1, 2, 3 strikes... goodbye,
but I fall to my knees trying to realize,
what does my toxic princess want of me,
to grovel at your feet as you tease,
devotion, circumstance,
to be yours, the romance,
I crave your desire to be?satisfied
because miss, your toxin is devine!
?
A lovely sub - yourpetTiger wrote this for me. What a sweetheart. <3
Reputations are history in rumor form; you can change them as you see fit, so fuck what you heard.
Sweet baby, allow me to craddle you against me and I will. Allow me to take you, and I will. Allow me to break you, and I will. Come to me, darling. I know you will.
Quick tip: Not looking for a boyfriend, especially a Dominant one. Come on, what are you thinking? "I can't own you, so I must date you"? Go sit in the corner.
When I talk to some submissives on the phone, they sound amazed that I'm an actual person with other interests. I went to a dungeon party three weeks ago and 2 hours were spent quoting Monty Python and talking about the Wizard of Oz. Even in a fetish element, we're all just people. Yeesh.
I want a sub who will bring chocolate covered strawberries and a fucking teddybear, then be willing to rub my feet while we watch chick flick. I'll even make fudge.
Wall of Shame: eyewilltakethat - I don't know how to explain how this occurred, but, this little fuck messages me constantly about hanging up on him (after he's insulted my religion, my relationships, and even one of my subs), so, I call back to try to clear the air, but I just don't like this kid, but he claimed to be in tears, so being the caring person that I am, I called him. The conversation was strained. I already didn't like him (but I have a fucking nasty habit of allowing people who don't deserve anything get everything), and he began ranting, which was fine, but he continuously egged me on! I'm sitting here, biting my tongue, it literally began to churn my stomach. I didn't want to say anything more to upset him, I mean, fuck, so I stayed quiet. But, the end of the conversation consisted of him telling me I'm just a nasty, mean person. So, I thought it ended there, but low and behold, he sends me a message about what a terrible person I am! And as I'm about to reply back, just to tell him that I wish him well (because honestly, he has shit going for him and I truly don't dislike him), he BLOCKS me, after calling me all sorts of rude names, but more importantly, after he throws a fit about me hanging up on him. Truly a shame. I wish you well, little boy, hopefully you find all of the help that you desperately need.
It becomes absolutely exhausting holding my tongue so that I don't upset you more. I should have listened. I should have learned.
I wish you the best, darling, but God knows that it isn't me. Sometimes it's best to just walk away. This was one of these times.
Today was definitely nice after the moron who ended up on the wall of shame, however, funny thing is, the cunt - Jessica (sissy name) called me and begged to serve me and to be punished for having been such a fucking dipshit! That was a pleasant surprise. Then, I spoke to a lovely Dom who seems like way too much fun and hopefully him and I will hit it off so he can mentor me in becoming more sadistic with disrespectful cunts like Jessica, and then I spoke to a lovely sub from Orange County who seemed like a complete doll. Very cutesy and excited like a puppy dog. But, to top it all off, my babydoll came over and we watched movies and talked and cuddled which ended an amazing Friday night. <3 Note: I am still taking applications for sissy sluts!
Wall of Shame: oncemacho is a twisted little fuck who is rude if you don't give your number RIGHT OFF THE BAT, and doesn't answer when you call, but still has some sort of nerve to actually think that he is never in the wrong! Ever! He is actually pretty good with his words and stands a good chance against your typical person, but all he does is talk shit in a flowery way. He talks in circles because he knows that I've done nothing wrong. This is what happened. This man sends me an offer that I was skeptical about and so I try to talk to him like a normal person, he accuses me of being fake because I don't send my number to a perfect stranger after one message! Okay, so I say that he's being unreasonable, right? He doesn't respond for another week before saying that I'm a child, but here's his number anyways! Okay? So, you know what, I decide to give him a chance! I call him, he actually answers but hangs up on me. I send him a message saying that it's a bit ironic that the fake calls me fake! He rants in 3 messages about how he has a job and I need to call at a specific hour to get ahold of him and all of this bullshit (not to mention, he takes another week to respond), then I send my number, saying, here you fucking go, prove yourself. After about another week, he sends me messages today (3 of them) telling me that I'm uneducated and lack the basic skills of communicating, but of course he's convinced that he is a pure gentleman. He also tells me that I must not be serious since I sent my number after being skeptical and he is blocking me until I "apologize for my behavior". Fuck this kid. It's a real shame too. I'm sure he could have been a lot of fun if he was real.
Submissive/Slaves: If you have a desire to be mine, you need to have a fucking brain. If I ask you about you, TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF, MORON. If you can't tell me about yourself, it tells me a couple things:
1.) You're probably fake or a flake.
2.) You're either a druggy or a drunk or have a some serious psychological problems.
3.) You need the sort of help I won't give you.
Come on, guys. I actually have interest in my subs/slaves. I know, I'm a terrible fucking person for actually caring. Idiots. If you have something real to offer, PLEASE inquire within.
I love animals, but I'm allergic to them, so! Next best thing is to have a puppy boy. I want one. Where can I find these?
12switch is now on the list of shame. This kid messages me and tells me "nice ass". That's it. I tell him it's a pathetic way to impress me. He goes about saying that he's not trying to because he's a switch and it takes some sort of Goddess to make him bow down. Then, he says that I'm 18 and have a lot of growing to do. Reasonable response is "fuck off", isn't it? Well, he goes on to say that I don't know how to take a compliment. First of all, my profile clearly states that I'm 18. Don't like it? Move the fuck on. Second, I'm well aware that I have a nice ass. I dance, and have danced for 6 years. Damn right it should be nice. Third, I actually took time to put effort into my profile, how about you try to compliment me on that BEFORE my ass. I would take better to it. Lastly, morons, if you're gonna talk shit, don't fucking block me. I can be just as much of a keyboard warrior as you can! I'm not doing anything tonight, might as well, right? God, what a fucking shame.
SeekChastity is so much of a punk ass bitch that he couldn't last 4 days in chastity after BEGGING me to be his keyholder, so he smashed the lock and told me to "shove the keys up my ass". It's honestly sad. I have met subs who could go WEEKS and MONTHS in chastity without even blinking their eye. He's not a man, or anything of the sort. And to his sub, Liz, honey, I hope you find it in yourself to leave this loser. He's abusive and insecure and weak. He's not a Dom, he's just an abusive asshole and you're better than that. 49 years old, what a fucking joke.
SeekChastity is a pathetic "man" who was once Dom but felt his ways were wrong. I now possess his keys but this fucker has been sending rude, aggressive, threatening notes for the past 4 days although it was he who BEGGED me to be his keyholder. If this pathetic cunt doesn't shape up, I plan to throw the keys into the garbage for dump day tomorrow. Does anybody have any better ideas than this?
Thoroughly annoyed. I understand that sluts will be sluts and you know what, that's awesome, good for you, go be the best slut you can be, but DON'T tell me that you're committed to me and then tell me you fucked some random guy you met at a hotel and he has such an awesome dick. That's cool, you got some, amazing. Even fucking worst, TRY TO CONVINCE ME TO FUCK HIM TOO. Fuck you, pathetic little whore. I fuck ONE person and it is CERTAINLY not some random dude at a crap hotel. The fucking filth that must seep from your pores is just disgusting. Honestly. I wasn't considering you seriously anyways, but my God, I cannot believe that I thought you were a little more respectable than the fucking trash I usually talk to.
I have yet to meet a male over 20 on this site who isn't balding. What the fuck?
Mommyboy333 sends me a message stating that "dude looks like a lady" and the first journal post I see from him is about being blocked by Mistresses who "can't handle him". It's not because we can't "handle you", little boy, it's because we don't appreciate disrespect. Especially since it states specifically on my profile that I require RESPECT and OBEDIENCE from submissives. Two things, and you can't even do that? Good gracious. Morons.
I am currently in need of a Mistress or female sub from San Diego who would find pleasure in fucking with a Marine sissy cunt. Let me know if you are interested and we can discuss details.
My beliefs are my own and I do not need to explain myself, but perhaps I may because I am in the mood to do so. I've heard from several submissives that Dommes have tried to twist their faiths, misleading them and saying that they should be worshipped instead of their gods. And to this, I say shame on you, to those who feel that they are so much more above than God Himself, shame on you. I would never try to sway anyone's faith as I am no goddess. I am no deity. I do not demand or require or WANT you to worship me as such. I am a devout Catholic. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior and quite frankly, to quote a wonderful friend I've made here "If I was almighty, why would I need slaves?" Now - understand that I do not push my religion on anybody, I won't speak about it unless asked, but this is something I must address as I've been asked. I can be a Dominant and still believe in God because I believe in what the bible says -
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn." -Psalm 18:32-36. God made me in his image and that makes my way perfect. I am who I am and (to quote another piece) as "the Ethiopian can not change his skin", I cannot change my natural longing to dominate. I can't. People may say that it is wrong, and perhaps it is, but in my opinion, it makes this lifestyle even more taboo, and regardless, I know that my God is forgiving and accepting. I will never give up my faith or myself, and truly, I hope that no submissive goes through that again.
So, I'm at my grandmother's house and this bitch (bless her heart) has 40 years worth of Christmas lights and decorations and she wants EVERYTHING put up. Are you serious? This is why I need some domestic slaves who want to decorate the TWO (yes, not one, but TWO) gigantic trees, the house, and string up lights all over the front/bushes/patio. Not to mention, my uncle who loves to talk shit is here. Word to the wise, don't talk shit to someone who is holding the ladder. I pushed his ass off so quick it wasn't funny. All I heard was "FUCK YOU!", which is fine, fuck him too.
After going through the recent journals while being bored, I've noticed that some people just really need to learn the rules of the Internet. Let's go over a few, shall we?
1.) No matter how much you complain, people on the Internet will not change. Okay? You can stop.
2.) There will ALWAYS be fakes, flakes, illiterate fucks, and morons. Get over it. It's just like real life, but easier to fake. Why wouldn't they?
3.) They stole your pictures, and what? Truthfully, you should be flattered. Obviously they'll be found out eventually. At the end of the day, you're still attractive enough to impersonate, and they're still a pathetic loser. Who really wins?
4.) Guys will pretend to be girls to get a wank. Yep, that's a truth, and guess what, NOTHING you say will change that. Might as well figure out telltale signs or continue to rage because some guy tricked you.
5.) If some idiot tricks you, what does that make you? Half of an idiot? Seriously. Stop whining.
6.) Girls, who are you trying to fool? Some of you put weights that are literally IMPOSSIBLE for your picture to match. If you have to wear size 13 jeans when you're 5'3", you're not 120 lbs. I promise. You might as well be honest with us. Especially on a site like this where you HOPE your partner will eventually see you naked.
7.) Guys, no girl wants to see your cock. Even if it's wonderful and powerful and is all that is God, it's just a major turn off. What are you really soliciting at that point?
7b.) As an add on, guys, if you're gonna take a picture of your cock, DON'T COMPARE IT TO SOME RANDOM HOUSEHOLD ITEM. It is fucking awkward to see your cock next to the remote, a phone, or a beer can. Seriously.
8.) It's the Internet. Stop being so serious. I swear to God, you won't die. Also, if you're sobbing because some random fool online broke your heart, you probably aren't emotionally stable enough to be on the Internet to begin with. Just saying.
I may be a Dominant woman with a sadistic streak, but it doesn't mean that every once in awhile, I don't have days that I need someone to curl up with me and know that they need me and care. Yes, I want a sub boy, but mostly, I just want someone who loves and cares unconditionally.
When I posted myself as "bisexual", I thought that females would be more apt to contact me, but all it's gotten me are trannies. Now, I don't discriminate, and I have seen some really cute ones around here, but I'm looking for actual females. Now I understand why Doms are always so frustrated with this site..
I'm not looking to be your girlfriend. That's not the dynamic I crave. I am no Goddess, I can't shoot lightning from my fingertips, and I am no deity because I cannot change your life without you doing any work. Do not pray to have an easier life, pray to be stronger. Show that you are different and know how to treat a lady. Although I live in reality as a Dominant doesn't mean that I'm any less powerful. I don't abuse my power although I know I could. I can only take what you, as a submissive, give. Everything you do will be conscious and self induced for your humiliation and my pleasure. Figure out how to please me, boys, you're getting awfully old. And girls, why won't you ever message me? I'm not scary (..well, not too scary).
Someone please tell me why people like to seem sincere but then turn around and accuse me of being a fake? I mean, if you thought so, why did we just waste time messaging? And why the fuck would you message me to begin with? Morons.
The funny thing about most of the submissive men I've talked to on here, don't realize that vanilla standards apply in most situations, even in the BDSM world. I mean, personally, it's awkward when someone says "May I apply to be your_____?" Apply? Does anyone "apply" to be anyone's significant other? Or friend? That's a little uncomfortable, but then, it gets better. I got one guy tell me that he's going to see a Pro-Domme tomorrow but asks if it's okay to keep me in mind. What is THAT about? Would you say to a female you're trying to impress that you're seeing a prostitute but if shit doesn't work out, you wanna keep me in mind? (Not that I'm suggesting Pro-Dommes are prostitutes, but I know I should clarify.) That's even worst. But, the BEST of all is when a retard expects to get any sort of response to "Nice ass." Come on, guys.
Tired of all of the fakes. Anyone who doesn't want to play games should get in touch with me, otherwise, fuck off or you'll be marked as spam.
Not that fakes and flakes actually care, but I hope you all realize that you ruin any sort of ability to trust someone who may actually be sincere. I know this applies to both sub/slaves and Dom/mes. It's truly sad when it's just some sad wanker on the other side. Ah, the Internet.
Spent a quiet night with an awesome sub friend of mine who gave me a gorgeous flogger! Can't wait to break it in. Now, to find my victim..
I have found many submissive males that don't know what it feels like to be appreciated by a Dominant woman and I find that honestly heartbreaking, especially if they have been serving these women for years. My pet is My treasure first and foremost. I will break you down and force you to your pathetic knees, I will bend your will and make it My own, but after you've done a good job, you will be allowed to curl up at my feet or against my chest (depending on what you have done) whilst I run my hands down your back and tell you that you're a good boy/girl. You can expect to cry during (or perhaps even after) any session (through pain or happiness) and you will always be vulnerable to Me, but in return, I will provide strength and love.
Anyone who gives me pumpkin pie wins My love forever.
Sitting at Pala Casino, drinking my latte, old man blatantly looking down my blouse, so I say "See something you like there, buddy?" Pretty sure I gave the poor man a heart attack. Perhaps he won't try perving random girls who are young enough to be his granddaughter anymore.
Things That You Must Include In Your Messages To Ensure No Time Wasting:
1.) What could you provide Me as a submissive, companion, and as a person?
2.) What are you most prevalent fetishes?
3.) What type of relationship are you seeking with Me?
4.) What sets you apart from any other person on this site?
5.) What are some fantasies you'd like to fulfill?
6.) Are you into blackmail?
Any and all submissives looking for a key-holder move to the front of the line as well as those who are willing to be used as a cuckslut. I am looking for FEMALES especially, so don't be timid, girls!
Happy hunting!
I have been nothing but respectful and assertive with my responses. I am a respectful person and I demand TWO things from ANYONE that messages me. I require respect and obedience. That's it. If you have a fucking problem with me, then let me know. We can hash it out. Don't report me and say that I'm a fake or a man. I have a nice ass. Yeah, you bet I do. I spent a good hour thinking out and writing my profile. Damn fucking right. I'm a real person with real photos and real intelligence. I'm not here to waste your time or my own.
Any male or female cucksluts in Southern California that are interested in chastity?
I've decided I want a new corset and stockings, shopping day soon!
My style of Domination is one of its' own. I will force you to explain to Me what you need from Me; what you need as a submissive.
This allows for a couple things:
1. It allows Me to get to know you, if I would be the right Domme for you. No need to waste either of our times if we're not a match!
2. It forces you to reach deep down inside of yourself and come to terms with your deepest desires. Most of the time, they're so completely humiliating that you blush, that's my goal. You will humiliate yourself to please Me.
3. It allows you to realize what you truly want so that if I am not the Domme who can provide it, you can find someone who can. Isn't that awesome?
I am a sadistic bitch, I will make you cry, bruise, and perhaps even bleed. I will break you, but I will always take care of you afterwards and tell you that you've done good. I am a caring, loving person. So, I'm complex. Think that you'll be enough?
