toservez


toservyu Male Submissive, 36	ToServeDomCoup Male Submissive, 40, South, New Jersey	ToServeForLife Male Dominant, 54, Alberta

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	About toservez I AM TAKEN! I AM ON HERE FOR FRIENDS AND THE MESSAGE BOARD! I have met a wonderful Master on here and things are going great. In fact we got married in 08/08. I feel very fortunate and very hopeful for long term ownership. I am an online success story. I cook, clean, do laundry, shop for you, refresh your drink, take the pets to the vet’s, and anything else of the routine and mundane things in life. I point these out, because this profile is a lot like all the others on here and it will be about BDSM and sex and I want it known up front that I know these things are also part of the life and I do as my duty to great joy but never to complain about them. This is my second time online and I am certainly writing this profile with the experiences from the first time in my mind so I apologize right away if this profile has strong opinions and demands. Also, I may be a little provocative in my nature but I am trying to sell myself in this profile like everyone else, but in any regards, I stand by all my statements, especially NO COUPLES. With those things out of the way, I am just your typical woman who craves a very strong power exchange relationship because I love to live a life that is simple, straight forward and able to more easier breed honest and more open communication. I am also always horny and probably rival men in the amount of times I think about it during the day. I am not interested in people who separate this life from sex and I am equally not interested in people who think this life is only about sex. I am interested in people who want to live a life full of sex and have sexual overtones in between as much as life and society allows it. Who am I? I am an educated person with a job I absolutely love and was meant for. I enjoy people with twisted sense of humors, have more male friends than female ones, give me a Will Ferrell movie to a Jane Austin type one and I prefer a bikini to a one piece. I am also very stimulated by intellectual things and conversations, I take serious things very seriously and I am fiercely loyal to all family, friends and co-workers. I work out because it is healthy but I also enjoy people looking at my body. I define class as treating people how I want to be treated. I am looking for a Master who has a true passion and most importantly a vision in how he wants to live his life. I do not want a Master who will settle for anything as long as it is in the realm of this life, but one whose passion and effort for this life will never be in question. I am looking for a Master who is grounded to reality and will love his slave but is also not grounded to societies expectations and when he thinks of me, thinks slave first and always with wife/girlfriend second or just for living in the real world ease. Must be educated, professional and clean cut or fairly clean cut. Notice I did not say rich, but those swimming in debt please do not reply. Can’t control your finances probably cannot control another human being. This next thing is very important and I hope not too confusing. I need a Master who will do things to me, make me do things, and/or live life that make him happy, aroused or content with no regard to my physical enjoyment. This is everything to me. In other words, if you call yourself a sadist, you should get aroused by hearing my screams and cries and not care if it is physically satisfying to me. If you feed off your slave’s pleasure and reactions to things, I am not for you period. I am also very much wanting a doer rather than a talker. Communication of feelings and health information is critical, but if you need to always know if I am comfortable or how I feel about something before, during and/or after please do not contact me. Total submissiveness is not natural and takes a mind set and being constantly talked to in this manner destroys that mind set for me. I simply cannot handle a Master who wants my approval or know instantaneously my feelings and comfort level with things like dress codes, protocol and light BDSM. I want a taker, a man who takes what he wants when he wants because that is his absolute right in our relationship. I prefer a man who is into perversions more than standard dress in leather and just have standard SM scenes. In other words, no bedroom only spankers, no local community addicts who live this life mostly to feel part of a special club and especially no men who are only after a 1950’s lifestyle who really just want June Cleaver in the kitchen and family room and a porn star in the bedroom. Not saying that is not a large part of the life but that is just a part of it. Let’s just say that men who like the taboo stuff are encourage to write. As I hope you might be able to tell, I have significant experience in the life. I started when I was twenty-one. I was owned the last seven years by a man. We are not together because one of us died, a sick family member pulled us apart, one of us left for our career or any other of the standard answers I here. We simply stopped getting along. He became lazy and neglectful and I became resentful and frustrated and we resemble every other couple who go down that path, it was both of our faults. I can relocate, but for my career I require to be near a city with a decent population. I insist on working and that it is in my chosen profession and my Master take that into consideration. I am open to quitting but that will be when the relationship is on very firm ground and I have a ring on my finger. I am talking years and not months. Age is relative but I will reserve the right to be fickle in that area. You are welcomed to write me if you are over fifty, but I will tell you right now that I prefer someone younger than fifty.

asianslave.blogspot.com Attracted to what you hate How can a person who has no masochistic bone in their body be drawn to a sadist? How can a person claim to not enjoy watersports but crave them done to her like an addict? If you ever want to separate out the dominants full of hot air from the very few who get, accept and enjoy how a majority of submissives who identify as slaves ask them a questions like this. The answer is domination is the draw to this life for a slave not just a submissive personality that likes kinky things. Power is the fetish. The physical manifestations of my owner truly using me for their pleasure and amusement knowing but not caring about my immediate pleasure or even enjoying just because of my non enjoyment are the spice of the life. The often screwed up ideology For many in this life including many M/s relationships kinks can partly or always be about mutual enjoyment. Certainly for me when I am sexually objectified that my enjoyment in that area is partly from the direct aspect of what is happening and not just from power being exercised over me for example. But this belief as a driving force in a total power exchange dynamic is where many dominants really get themselves in trouble. Basically this is the carrot and the stick approach. Why it is so flawed when it comes to Master/slave TPE relationships is in essence the dominant is basically basing obedience on some level as reward based and that a submissive is some sort of drug addict needing a kinky fix. Take a step back and what do you have? Topping from the bottom which is just as yucky from a slave?s point of view as a dominant?s as why would a slave enjoy a dominant going I will do a kink if you are good? First a quick rehash of one of my major themes in this blog Before I explain the mindset of a slave like me first a reminder I write often in this blog. A person with a submissive personality does not need the power exchange life to be happy. People with submissive personalities can live happily in the real world and spoil a regular person(s). A person who has a submissive personality and wants to live in an M/s TPE life wants to be dominated. What is domination? Well that is the active part of the relationship where control and what is done or being order to be done is in the hands of the dominant and NOT what the submissive would do if it was up to them on their own accord. A submissive personality will cook a meal the other likes regardless of the dynamic while a dominant telling them exactly what to cook for dinner is domination for example. A slave can make decisions for themselves, they just really enjoy getting decisions taken away from them. A slave has the ability to be happy and in control of their own life but enjoys it way more to give up control to a person who relishes in taking it. Now back to the topic of the post? The sweet addictive dichotomy So what is then the dynamic that can make someone like me who hates pain but simply adores then a sadist? Because it offers up some of the most intense and intimate acts of domination that I can experience. When I am being dominated in the kink/sex area this is what is happening. I have my Master who I love and trust completely doing something to me or making me do something that I do not want to do at that moment or at all and I get no direct pleasure. It is the dichotomies of my suffering combined with seeing the person I love and serve take pleasure in the whole thing. It is the physical manifestation of my owner clearly demonstrating that they truly have not only no problem in making me suffer but can take great enjoyment in it. So when you throw in this intimate/sexual and intense type domination acts and throw in as a submissive personality I am a feeder and to see my Master enjoying himself let alone getting off on doing this to me then you are talking about an incredible experience that just never gets old. I can go from crying intensely with not one ounce of me turned on to an intensely pure sexual animal on fire in a micro second and this feeling can last a very long time. A dominant that understand this and is the compatible opposite is a much sought out commodity for a slave like me. Not all dominants who want a 24/7 TPE relationship are suited for it What I just wrote above was something I put great emphasis in my profile when I went looking for my new owner and something I write a lot on the message board I sometimes contribute to. I cannot begin to tell you how many dominants that are looking for slaves for a TPE whiff on this concept. I can also tell you I have had at more women than I could count write me after reading my profile and all writing nearly the exact same thing. They comment on this specific part of my profile and go that is just like me and are there any dominants out there that get that and can do that. That is the problem. There are dominants out there that get it but just as there is a big difference in submissive levels of bedroom bottoms al the way to 24/7 TPE slaves there is differences in dominants. But unfortunately this is not something admitted, promoted and talked about in this life all particularly often. It is unfortunate but dominants often deem themselves one size fits all and often those wishing for a 24/7 TPE few limits slave are either not capable/do not enjoy the domination aspect of owning one or worse have no understanding of what domination is truly about. So instead of actual domination you get the ramblings and theories that leave slaves like me with a cold feeling. You get the ?I will only inflict pain if you deserve it or as a reward?. You get the ?I do not like anything more then others and can supply whatever you need in the kinky areas?. A Master to a slave is a leader and taker not an administrator and/or order taker. For me bring on the sadist! The owner I submit to has my love, trust and devotion to him and our dynamic and I believe he loves, cares for me and is devoted to me and our dynamic. I will be dominated in order to be happy and in a deep enough submissive level to flourish in a 24/7 total power exchange relationship. With that base I not only need to experience the physical manifestations of being dominated I crave that dichotomy of the Master I love causing me such suffering and loving and getting off on the fact that he can do it to me. So that is why a woman like me without a masochistic bone in her body seeks out a Master who is a sadist. Because that intense domination is the drug that drives us crazy! asianslave.blogspot.com

For anyone who enjoys reading these longwinded know it all essays I have more on my blog asianslave.blogspot.com Cool Factor: Forgetting what really matters I use the term ?cool factor? often when I see two things. People who think or often believe others think that there is a scale of what is better/more desired in power exchange relationships. The classic example of this is the old perception of a slave is preferred/better then a submissive who is better then a bottom. The other is when people defend themselves and judge others when they think those others doing something that they cannot, do not want or have a limit on so they need to admonish these people because the person now feels less cool. An example of this is a person writing about an activity being too dangerous to do all the while they do things that are easily equally if not more dangerous. But I wanted to write today is not putting people down when they come down with cool factor disease but to communicate just how often we can get lost in chasing our perception of cool. We can often forget the only thing that matters is what the best fit is for us and working with our other or finding someone compatible. Let me use the example of slave is ?cooler? and preferred or a goal over a submissive. Wishing and thinking does not always translate to the right fit Now if I had $1,000 for every time I talked to a dominant who had little or none 24/7 experience who expressed they wanted a slave or a submissive with slave like tendencies I would have some serious coin. Now as a long time 24/7 total power exchange slave I have learned to notice and ask questions specifically to figure out how much thought and ability do these people have to actually keep a slave like me content. Often the only thought they have had is they want control when they want it or more then they have had in the past. All good, but the more control the more effort a dominant is required to put into the power exchange dynamic. So sure it sounds cool to a dominant to want a slave so what, how and whenever thoughts can be indulged but little is thought about how a slave is actually wired. Often dominants with little or no experience in 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) fail to just comprehend how differently a slave is often tend to be wired. A dominant in a 24/7 relationship pretty much has to be an active leader nearly all the time. That takes a mindset that is often going to be felt more like work and that is no good for any type of relationship. You will read time and time again from slaves the following in some forms: I want my owner to be concerned about my overall happiness in the relationship but cannot stand them making decisions in the moment only for our happiness or asking us too often what we are wanting or how this was. This is not an easy thing for a dominant to deal with and pretty much must be in your character or not. But for most of us slaves this is vital. Because for us to live and flourish in a 24/7 atmosphere we need consistency and not just when. I will give you the traditional example I normally use. When picking where to go out to eat. As a slave I do not want to have a debate or ever think we are only going there just because my Master thinks I am expecting to go a certain place. I expect him to know my preferences and to factor them in when he wants to go to a place I particularly want to go or this time does not care himself. I want a Master who may or may not ask my opinion sometimes before choosing but just factors in the opinion not as a request. Now imagine these types of thoughts going on in pretty much everything. It is responsibility and effort. Having a 24/7 slave is not about taking a human being and molding the aspects you want and tossing the rest aside. Does not work that way and often many dominants who think they want a 24/7 slave would be far better off in a different power exchange dynamic. Checklist progression mirage Now let us look at an example of a potential slave and how too many often go about it. Often you will hear the term ?explore? (crappy selfish term) and many submissives thinking that there is some sort of checklist to go through to transform into a slave. Often they start out experiencing bottom type activities to see if they enjoy certain things. Then they wander in submissive situations which are just bottom things not done on their own time table and specifics. Then they try things here or there until they ?progress? into 24/7. Also, most of the time they are trying to be with the person who they think will be their one. The key thing I am relating is that often people think these are steps to an end destination when that is not really how it is. Now some reading what I just wrote will go that is how I did it and it worked great for me. I do understand this. My point is not that this was a person?s progression but people think these are actual steps and they need to be done in order to be the best, a 24/7 TPE slave. The things done in this life can have connections and can be totally separate. You can be 24/7 TPE slave and not ever have to do a kinky bottom thing ever. So if the first time you get tied up or have some pain inflicted you react horribly that does not mean you are not born to be a great slave for someone. You can completely give over all power in the bedroom to your other and not have any desire to give up any power anywhere else. You can enjoy serving your other in everything but insist not during the daytime but only at night. These different dynamics are about mind sets. They are all different and one does not build on top of another. Before your first munch or first potential date something inside you should know if giving power over appeals to you and some clue as to how much. You may be right or wrong but not too far out of the ballpark. Why is this about ?cool factor? again? Because often people in this life trade one set of societal values that people have assigned Ok, good, better and best to and exchange it for the cool factor values of the power exchange life. Dominants wanting slaves because they think that would be better and submissive people trying to become slaves because that sounds cooler then bedroom bottom. This leads to the mistake of forgetting what really is important and that is finding our other and living in the dynamic that suits us best. Instead we cloud up our lives and relationships chasing destinations that might not be destinations that suit us. That we compete against other people we know or read about and think there is some competition out there as to who has the perfect power exchange relationship. These thoughts then lead to having to bash other?s because if they have passed you on the mythical cool chart then they must be taken down as doing stuff that is horrific so all people see that the real mythical cool chart will ordain your relationship best. There is a best type of relationship to shoot for as a destination The best relationship is simple; it is a relationship that lets the people in it maximize their ability to be happy, feel and express love, and to feel free to be themselves. If children are to be brought into the picture then a warm and nurturing environment is important as well. There is not one relationship dynamic that is better then another. It is simply which dynamic is best for the people involved. It is always a shame when people forget what really matters and search out destinations or compete against people or theories to base where they think their relationship is and not know and be happy with how it is without caring about others. It is a shame that competition in showing others how great we and our relationships are can be so prevalent that fuel for the cool factor to feed itself is never in danger of running out.

Obedience is not difficult Ok that is something of a trick statement. The fact is being a slave and being obedient is not something that should be a day to day struggle. The problem is for us to overcome our previous programming to make obeying second nature. How our brain has been trained Our brain has been trained to make decisions all day long. When making these decisions often the criteria is based on our head making judgments in what is best. Whether what is best for me or what is the best way to go about this. The end results of this process is over time we have become experts in our own mind in what, how and when on everything that goes on in our lives. I know for myself and many slaves or would be slaves this is often where difficulties appear when we start serving on a severe level. We have to start dealing with many day to day things and situations that come from another person in guidelines, direct orders and timetables. The struggle with obedience comes from having to often deal with the fact that their brain has done the judgment of what is best when making these decisions and that can often, even if it is minimal in impact, conflict with how our brain processes the same thing. Part of human frailty is we are prone to constant judgments of right and wrong. So often when our owner?s orders conflict with how we have normally done we can fail to recognize it as just being different but can be prone to judge it as wrong. Let me give a very tame example as not to color the discussion, a slave might have always in the past put the orange juice in a certain place in the refrigerator but now their owner wants it in another place and the slave mind starts thinking how stupid is the new place and can they not realize how easier it would be if it was left where I have always put it. Then to start to rationalize a slave might be disobedient and keep it in the same place because they are the one to get it out of the refrigerator anyway. I clearly want to obey my owner how come I cannot change my thoughts so easily I believe we have three levels of desires that affect decision making in our day to day actions: 1) Long term: These are desires we have made decisions for ourselves that we make effort accomplishing over long stretches. Example like what career to have, if a person decides to become a doctor they have then made the decision of how hard they will study, understand most of their twenties will be used for this and other things. 2) Intermediate: These are decisions we make for desires that affect things we do but on a shorter nature, like weeks and days. Example like having friends over for dinner in four days, we have now made a decision to clean our house, go grocery shopping and other things in the days to come until the dinner. 3) Short term: These are desires of the moment. Example, do I want to watch this program or that program. They are in the moment decisions that have no affect on the intermediate and long term desires you have. Most people who are ?bad? decision makers are not that they cannot make good decisions in a vacuum but they make decisions with the wrong filter process. So instead of filtering from long, intermediate to short they often start with short term only to find out that screwed up intermediate and sometimes long term. So what has this have to do with slaves struggling with obedience? Because as slaves we have pretty much given over our short term decision making and often struggle early on with this very fact. Look at it this way from a slave/relationship standpoint in the stages of desires: 1) Long term ? We want to be in a healthy and loving relationship that is power exchange based. 2) Intermediate ? We want to see, hear and experience our owner being happy and enjoying pleasure of using us how they want and we have agreed to. We want to receive their love back in ways we ourselves like to receive love back. We obey our owner to show our commitment to them and the dynamic. 3) Short term ? We follow our orders and rules in order to avoid punishment. We do things even if we do not like doing them by using our feelings for our owner and this often represents our devotion to him. Most of the time we struggle with obeying is because we have focused too hard on short term decision issues while ignoring or failing to connect these very decisions have a major impact on the intermediate and long term desires which are exponentially more important to us. What can be done to retrain our minds? In the end time and effort will usually win out. But in moments where we struggle, have doubt or start to have angry or negative feelings about what is being asked of us there are some easy things to do. 1) Ask yourself what difference does it make? It is simply astonishing how many decisions we make based on preferences or in the moment desires that have actual no impact in our lives. Does it really make a difference if you fix dinner a different way? Does it matter if you prefer to put away the laundry before you do something else? 2) Ask yourself are you obsessing over the short term and ignoring the intermediate and long term desires. If he orders you to wear shoes that make your feet hurt. Do you think just about that or think if it makes him happy and he is taking me out to dinner and who knows what else what is the big deal of a few hours of my feet hurting? If he wants you to primarily where dresses but you have traditionally worn pants. Is taking the time to get adjusted to the difference too much trouble for you when in the intermediate and long term it will be nicer for him and eventually you will adjust? 3) Concentrate on thinking I enjoy and need his love and acts of love and love him very much. I may not like or even hate doing this but doing this will show him my love and devotion to him which is a very important act of love he needs. Conclusion On the mundane items of life obeying often is about focusing on ignoring our short term thoughts and judgments. The more demanding things that we struggle on the better we focus and obey the more we show our devotion and love for our owner. Anyone can do things they do not mind when they want to do them. To do things, do things a different way and things when another wants not our preference is where we build the foundation that makes our long term desires happen. Obedience is not hard if we learn to stop judging what needs not be judged. We stop worrying about single moments and focus on the bigger picture. If we do that, obedience not only becomes easier it can become bliss. http://asianslave.blogspot.com

Leap Part One: From our thoughts to real time Far too usual of a story I have this male dominant friend that I communicate with off and on. He wrote me about a month ago all excited about being in communication with this one potential submissive and asked me to look at her profile. I did just that and in fact was incredible how much they matched each other in the power exchange desires as they might have been literally identical in their desires and reasons. Plus just like him she had a very long profile with many journal entries that made her come off quite serious and sincere in her search. She had been active in her local community for six years and on the site for four. Well two weeks later and many messages, IM?s and even two phone calls later he had to tell her he was no longer interested and was really hurt by the experience. What happen? Apparently while this woman in her profile and journal entries could espouse on power exchange it became clear to him she was never going to make a leap into it. According to him that even after six years of looking for the one to serve she had not even been met or been on one date with anyone that could be a possible Master including anyone in her local community. Apparently in direct communication clammed up and change topics when power exchange was brought up but could go on and on about types of play, local community?s events, national events and bottoming for demos or at play parties. This dominant wrote her off as just another bottom with fake desires for power exchange. I argued very much he was wrong. Just from her words I read I saw a woman aching to be in a significant power exchange but was just too afraid to make the leap to actually pursue real time. There is a big difference between being around the life and actively pursuing living the life. Local communities can be great in many ways. Finding friends who you can talk about topics you cannot with others, learn about all the aspects of this giant tent and where you think you fit in, help overcome potential thoughts that what you crave is not screwed up but many perfectly healthy and happy people have and many other reasons. Hanging around reading/participating on websites has also great merit and can be invaluable to people. But being involved in these things does not make someone living the life. It really is not even about exploration into the power exchange dynamic. After the basics are learned, friends met and figuring some basics out about yourself these activities are nothing more then just that, activities. They are not any different then joining a health club and end up making friends with the people when you work out together but all you do is get on a treadmill and walk then hit the juice bar. It does not make one fit or a health nut. All good things and in life we can never have too many friends but whether partaking in the social events a local community offer or spending hours instant messaging cyber friends in the life is that at some point it becomes no longer directly connected to actually getting into a real time power exchange. They are just activities and things to do to pass the time. The reasons why people are afraid to make the leap: People in general do not like to be out of their comfort zone. Let?s face it, whenever we try to merge two lives into one there are a lot of issues that arise and most of these come from being bumped out of our comfort zone. It is the comfortable knowledge and feelings of what we know versus the unknown which opens the possibility of greater pain in our thoughts. It is natural to be scared of the unknown. It is the fear of rejection. Human beings often do bizarre things or at least act in irrational ways when rejection comes into the picture. Whether the fear of or actual rejection often people avoid it like the plague. No one has ever volunteered to be rejected and anytime there is an attempt to start up a relationship with someone rejection is a strong possibility. This natural hesitancy gets exponential treatment when some think about pursuing a power exchange relationship. Most people who gravitate toward a power exchange relationship are because they found regular relationships lacking or difficult for them. What happens if they try this way of life and it solves nothing for them just like regular relationship might have. We like having an excuse for when people or we think people are wondering why you are not this or that. Many who think about pursuing the life fall into the trap of idealizing the life. It will solve all problems we have had in relationships. The other person will be a better person or more of what I am attracted to and wishing for that have no actual ties to power exchange. To pursue this life and find it not much different can cause one to have one less excuse why they are not in a good long term relationship. The fact is pursuing something with a big goal it is just often easier and far safer to dream about it then to pursue and risking the consequences whether it is failure, a broken heart or not solving what we thought it would solve. The false rationalizations that keeps someone from leaping: Here are some of the more common thoughts I have heard over the years and the myths behind them. ?When the right person comes around I will know it.? ? None of us know that. Some may perpetuate that thought as an over romantic gesture when describing the person they love but reality does not work that way in regular life and certainly does not work in the power exchange life. People who use this as a reason they have not tried real time often treat others like people in sitcoms and point to mundane things or one sentence that could very well have been misconstrued and write them off. These people tend to fear change. ?I am exploring? ? These are people unwilling to get out there and get rejected. These people often offer up the great double standard of the sexes in dating. The female wants casual but will only go out with a person who could be the one. So they are attracted to men wanting a serious relationship and know what they want because any man who expresses they are looking for casual gets blown off as a loser. But magically cannot find a man to be with because the serious dominant alpha men are not going to jump through her hoops when she cannot even convince herself that she truly wants to live a power exchange relationship. These people tend to be local community addicts. They have a lot of impact play experiences and probably have had a platonic mentor for some role play. They very well often have more physical experience then any dominant they are attracted to if they are looking for someone in their same age range. ?My submission is a precious gift? ? These are the people who have taken the concept of power exchange relationship and have made it into a mythical fantasy land. They have taken what they would want out of life or cannot realistically get out of life and believe they can acquire it if they search within this life. They expect these relationships to transform themselves into far different and happier people and people desiring them to see them how others have not in the past. This is the person who has had a ton of hobbies but not one that stays, a person who changes jobs as a way to re-invent themselves, and thinks that now they are calling themselves a submissive or even dominant that the people who they were never able to attract will now be all over them. Unfortunately this is not reality and most of these people have gone down similar paths of the magical transformation journey and now find cyber dreams better then living life. These are the people often hanging out in the chat rooms and have instant messenger always on. Only the one leaping can make the leap I have no brilliant words how one can make the leap from thought to real time relationship. It simply falls into the category of quitting smoking, changing eating habits to lose weight, change jobs after being someplace a long time and many other examples. It simply takes willpower and effort combined with an open mind and the ability to handle set backs in a healthy way. No one else can help a person make the leap. Not the mythical ?the one?, friend in the life or anything else. The person has to do it for themselves. Others can help them get to the point but can not make the shove that divides the wishing to trying real life power exchange. These are relationships just like all other relationships Remember until it is pounded into your head. Repeat, these are relationships just like all other relationships. A first date is just like a first date in regular world. I do not care if we call these power exchange relationships and use terms like dominant and submissive or master and slave a person cannot make you do something you do not want to without your consent. If a person asks/orders you to do something you are not comfortable with when on the first or any early date and they take issue with the word no coming out of your mouth then they are the loser not you. Be grateful and move on. Analyze the date just like you would any regular date. If the person bores you to tears a power exchange relationship will not fix that. If both of you have significantly different desires in important compatibility issues they will not go away because of the power dynamic being introduced. If you are not wanting to or are comfortable doing something or moving to another stage in the relationship then do not do so, and again, this should be respected. Do not try to minimalize or think you have minimalized problems, fear of rejection or think you have bypassed real time spent by short cuts. I do not care if the guy you like from your local community has women swooning over his skill with the flogger at public parties and demos. I do not care in front of a group of people he speaks like the perfect fit in power exchange thoughts with you. I do not care if his community friends swear he is a special guy. The moment you sit with him one on one on a date you are still starting from scratch and your judgment and desires are all that counts. Same goes with finding a person on the Internet. I do not care how many Emails, instant messenger chats and minutes spent on the phone it took before you meet. When you sit down the first time that is when the clock starts to truly run. Do not confuse a tool to find a potential partner with the mirage that tool can somehow make the process less of a crap shoot that us human beings finding another is. The internet or local community is nothing more then a regular person going to a church social or bar hoping to meet someone to fall in love with. All they are expecting is to meet someone they like and think they might be compatible in a broad sense and go from there. They do not hang out in the church basement or bar for weeks and months until they are absolutely sure the other is the one only to find out there is quite a difference between them there and someplace else. Remember these are relationships between two people. The dynamic will be different at some point whether sooner or later but how you meet, get to know and how you should feel and based decisions on does not ever change. Conclusion and a somewhat apology From the first thought, experience or stumble upon knowledge of power exchange relationships are real, possible and can be for you to actually sitting down face to face with your potential other requires effort and an open mind. The leap to be sitting in that chair next to the potential other can be difficult. It is hard because if it was easy everyone would be in a relationship. You will never find your prince or princess if you are not going to kiss any frogs. Put yourself out there and kiss as many frogs as needed to find the right one for you, otherwise you may end up with the only frog left over or no frog at all. I am here to tell you as just one person, real life power exchange relationship rocks compared to being alone in my home thinking about what if. To all those who maybe use terms like ?my submission is a precious gift? or did their time ?exploring? and have made the leap and even are in relationships measured in decades that took offense to my labels I am sorry. My intention was not for those who made the leap but for those who have yet to leap. For those who have not yet leaped and take offense to the characterizations I do not apologize. I do not consider myself better then you not in any sense what so ever. Consider it my version of tough love.

Leap Part Two: From part time to 24/7 Infatuation and having an on/off switch So you are currently in a great relationship whether you are dating someone or you are a couple that has introduced aspects of power exchange into your life together. The goal though is for you to take it 24/7 which can often be way more troubling then it seems. Once again there is a leap to be taken! The gap between part time and 24/7 is large because it operates on a whole different mental level. Think about it. When you are dating someone you know when the next date is. You can spend time up to that date thinking about what will or might happen. Our minds get mentally prepared for a short term. Even if the ?date? last days and you are a slave the whole time your brain is functioning on some level that come the end you have some or all of your power back. In addition to this why are we even thinking of going 24/7 at this moment? One of the reasons is because we are in that infatuation/love stage were their mere presence makes our pussy?s wet and our heart?s go pitter batter and just even thinking of them releases the warm fuzzies. Established couples much of this is the same thing. You have started something new and exciting in your life that obviously from your consideration of going to 24/7 has gone quite well. But so far situations have been just those situations. Maybe most of the power exchange situations have been bedroom only, negotiated times and things or a trial period run lets say on some or many weekends. Just like a couple getting to know each other your reactions are also going through the excitement of the newness and your brain has usually had time to prepare for what you are expecting to come. You still always have the safety of that thought that you go back to basic normal when the clock strikes a time. 24/7 means never having a start or stop time Thoughts of 24/7 often come in two forms. Often the over romanticize thoughts are the ones we like to focus on. These are the thoughts and feelings that I normally describe as taking feelings and behaviors from the just before, during and after of the more direct acts of domination done on us. These can be in the range from the mundane to a quite intense scene or act. The thought though that can get planted is that these deep level of submissive feelings and how this often deepens our other feelings like our love and pleasure with our dominant can be felt 24/7! The other form is thoughts of 24/7 start to seep into our brains on a deeper level. Now instead of thinking about it when we are experiencing the warm fuzzies we start to think about it during normal activities and thoughts. This starts to scare us. We think what if my owner will no longer let me do this or do that. What if I cannot handle doing something particular every single day? All of a sudden the worse case scenarios start to appear in our head. Irrationality of these thoughts Well the thought of the permanent high of submissive feeling is of course a drug that does not exist. Since this is a post on making the difficult leap and people who fall to hard for this thought often leap way too easily and ignorantly that writing about this is for another time. Now the worrisome thoughts about going to 24/7 can be healthy or cause paralysis in one?s desires and goals. Here is the reality of life. Look at any type of relationship throughout time and no matter where on earth you will see couples doing the same things only who and how they are done. Now think when you are with your other when you are on have they changed into different human beings when in the more regular aspects of life. I would hope no. I am guessing if hanging out on weekends you are having plenty of normal conversations, having some regular social activities and a whole bunch of other regular moments. This is because even in a total power exchange relationship regular life happens. Now not to say there cannot be twists or changes in the details of these regular day to day things but in the end the person you have gotten to know, hopefully, is the person who will now own you 24/7. How they are, their interests, how they treat you, their goals and the other vital compatibilities do not get changed. So to go to 24/7 should just have the same thought process of going 24/7 in any other type of relationship. A person to move to 24/7 should be sold on all aspects of the person they are with and not just the submissive feeling one is left with when in their other?s presence. The thought processes that do have to be overcome By far the number one thought process when dealing with making the leap is what I am going to lose by doing it. Obviously the positive things for the most part are not stopping us from leaping so that does leave the negative ones. Instead of some generic words I thought I would just type out some thoughts that have popped into my head or have heard as fairly common ones and simple thoughts on those thoughts. ?What if they want me to no longer or limit my time with friends and family?? ? Well have you discussed this? For most of us if they went ?oh by the way, now you cannot see this person [insert close family member or friend]? before at anytime we would have gone in our mind big red flag. Now for some people that have people in our lives that are truly bad influences and someone who cares for us might be able to lead us away from them. But this should have nothing to do with power exchange. Time with others should be something you have talked about and have a compatibility with. ?Will I ever get personal time and have time for my interests?? ? This is one I have heard a lot. Again we are talking compatibility. Some couples desire all personal time to be together. Some couples only see each other at bed time. Most of us like something in between those two polar opposites. You should before ever going 24/7 have some idea that both of you have compatibility in this area. You as a slave can be independent and have a bunch of interests but best find an owner who enjoys doing his own thing as well. Just like if you think we means we in most things, better find one who feels the same way. Now I will introduce you to a term I use often and that is cyber theorist. These are people who with no real experience in long term power exchange relationships will write poetically that a slave is this and that. Often these theorists will spin a belief that even when the two people are not together or any number of situations that a slave should only be about pleasing their owner. They will mention taking classes to improve your service and having you develop a mind set where thinking about and doing things to make your owner?s life easier and pleasurable is 24/7. Let?s be realistic here. That is simply insane and a zealot over romanticized thought. I mean really could you imagine a life between two people where the other has no thoughts and desires except one! Does that sound sane? Pleasing your owner is our number one desire otherwise how can we really be consensual slaves? It is though just one desire in a human being that is made up of many. Reality is you can spend a great deal of time when away from your owner in ways to improve yourself in your service if your owner desired or you yourself chose to in your allowed free time. I have taken classes in massage, cooking and even stripping. In fact I was a I hate cooking person until I took my first cooking class and since then it has become a very pleasurable interest for me. Even when I was taking these classes I was going to work full time and still was not sacrificing my time serving my Master nor had no other personal time. ?What is he makes me throw out all my comfortable underwear for none or uncomfortable ones?? ? Well what if they do? Is that the end of your world, I think not. Again reality and motivation comes into play. Maybe he wants you to wear only thongs and you have found them uncomfortable in the past. My questions to you would be two. 1) How much effort in the past had you tried getting use to them? 2) How serious are you about M/s life or is really just about your convenience in the short term? The reality of this situation is a good slave should be able to try their best at things directed at us. This is very important; a slave must learn to identify things that have very little affected on us in the bigger picture when taken out immediate feelings. Because you tried wearing thongs for a couple of days years ago or only wear them on special occasions does not mean you have tried at all to get use to them. So why not try to please your Master by making an actual strong effort to get use to them. Now, after a long time they still cause a bad result from you then communicate that with your owner and see what can be changed. This last example sounds lame on the surface but has everything to do with thoughts and fears of going forward. The question that a slave needs to often ask themselves when confronting troubling feelings is often very simple ?What does it really matter if this is done or this happens this way?? I cannot begin to tell you how much clutter in our brains and feelings as a slave turns out to be totally useless and counter productive to our service and happiness by not realizing that an awful lot of things we do on a day to day basis have just not much importance or impact in terms of the how?s and when?s. Conclusion If a person is struggling with making the leap of going from part time to 24/7 I offer these points to think about: 1) You do have the right to change your mind. As a couple if the dominant will only do 24/7 then whether you can handle it or not is compatibility not failure. Any thoughts about long term negative impact should be thought about as your own mental issues and if you fear such a thing then that is pause for thought and not just about the relationship. 2) 24/7 should be thought about in all aspects of a relationship in addition to the power exchange. To go 24/7 you should want to go 24/7 in all other aspects just like any other type of relationship. 3) Be realistic about what you are feeling. The submissive high you get from moments does not last in 24/7. You should have some experience or make time to experience serving when not on some emotional high. You will be cooking and cleaning when tired and in a bad mood. You will have to put out or give blow jobs when not in the mood or when you are in the middle of something. Know you want and can be happy serving when he has not read your mind or high on love. 4) Talk things out in detail. Sit down with your other at a mundane time and feeling and not pillow talk after something blissful. Talk about what they see what they will control you in terms of day to day control, demands and changes. 5) Try mundane practice runs. Forget about being a slave 24/7 on a weekend. Try doing it for a week when both of you are working and see how that goes. Go a week without any kink things or even any sex and see how the power exchange aspects work for both of you. In the end, the leap is different as the feelings, activities, time and anticipation can be drastically different. But the motivations and overall feeling we get as slaves though does remain and flourish. I know for me the best way I processed it was that I was running toward something instead of running from something. That made me make the leap with confidence and zealot effort. http://www.asianslave.blogspot.com

Trust is a two way street. We often just focus on the trust the male tries to earn so the female will commit and submit to them but the fact is a female submissive must earn the trust of her dominant that their words of what they are wanting and their willingness to endure the power exchange life from the mundane to the super intense are genuine. There is a big misconception in my mind that is no ones fault but the natural circumstances seem to naturally perpetuate. Most us women want to dive deep into the romantic portions of a relationship. We want to be swept off our feet by the awesomeness of the man that wins our heart. That everything goes smoothly and pitch perfect. That the man is a completed product only needing to input the woman?s specific information into his brain and mould the dream life. Dominants often promote themselves in this fashion. For some reason anything less then all knowing and shouting I have experience from a pedestal is looked down on as a sign of weakness. That no interaction described does not have a simple solution. But this is simply not the case. A dominant starts from scratch with their submissive on the same level as a submissive. All the experience of the power exchange dynamic means nothing between the two. Of course the ?experience? dominant is safe with his whip and can point to play parties. But those play parties have experience pain sluts volunteering for which he knows them. His new submissive which is a romantic one has never felt his infliction or never taken an order of any type from him, for example what is her reaction during and after the first time he orders her to clean the house as he sits on the couch watching a game. He does not know after one strike she shouts out the safety word. He does not know after one ?scene? she turns cold to him. He does not know that one day of following orders she is thinking that is enough of this. This is the trust she must earn! That her obedience is there, her dedication to the power exchange dynamic is not conditional and her devotion to him is always present and her willingness to show and prove it is an honor not an insult. A Master to feel free and comfortable in his power exchange relationship must trust his submissive. He must know that orders and actions no longer have to be based on the credit system and mood of his submissive like a regular relationship quite often is. He must trust the slave?s words and actions are true not conditional or playing an angle. A submissive does this by time and effort. We do not earn that trust when we are in the infatuation stage of the beginning of the relationship where neither can do no wrong and is sheer perfection. We do not earn it when we do or are made to do things we like or want to do anyway. We earn it when we suffer for them that can often show our devotion to them and the power dynamic. We earn it when we serve them when not our physical best. We earn it by not copping an attitude because they fail to read our mind our body language and turn power exchange dynamic conditional on our current mood. My Master had only one relationship prior to me which was 100% merely a top/bottom totally conditional one. I was a decade experienced slave most of that time 24/7. His words ache for a slave to own in a severe power exchange relationship which was intoxicating to me. From the first message, first phone call and first meeting if I was not a passionate realist I would say it was a magical fate. Even with this playing out and our experience levels the romantic version played out on the web and many revisionist histories of people talking about their own relationships was not there. Our first play was a light over the knee spanking. The first bondage was my hands tied so lightly and easy to get out of if I wanted. Our first time having sex had new time awkwardness and stress. The first vanilla order was to change the trash can bag. The first disagreement was about him always cleaning his house spotless before I visited. Nothing in much of being the first would be described on the grand epic romantic side. The reason is because trust and devotion both feeling and knowing the other feels it takes time and comes in degrees. It can not be planned out when one reaches the destination. Then at some point the degree and level is so complete it feels like a destination has been reached. Where nothing is held back or worried about. That my Master has the confidence he can do what he likes to me and exert the level of control he desires and has complete trust and faith that this will be met with love and devotion for him. This elusive destination happen to us on this past weekend. He had shared dreams and fantasies during our time being together. Some realistic some just to stay fantasies. I remember early on him sharing on such fantasy about a weekend and my reply was I do not see why that could not be reality someday and he seemed stunned why a person like me would be willing to endure that for him. I remember me replying how a slave could not be willing to endure that for her Master. He fulfilled that fantasy this past weekend. With the level of love, trust and my desire to show my devotion to this beautiful man and feeding off the pleasure he enjoyed as his sadistic and kinky mind let him indulge in from the confidence, love and trust he has in me allowed me to endure without faltering. I hope all during the weekend and afterwards he could look into my eyes and see the absolute love and devotion I have for him. His brain, heart and soul and his ability and desire to dominate me on such a level I thought could not be possible. I am truly blessed to call him my Master.

http://asianslave.blogspot.com

I am going to play Miss know it all and give some advice. This is to all the dominants out there that are looking for a slave, submissive with slave tendencies, significant power exchange relationship and any other way you want to word or define it. This is not for lesser types as far as I know. I have had at least fifty women since I joined this site write to me and refer to what I was seeking in terms of the power exchange aspects and the reasons and feeling behind them as what they were desperately looking for only to find man after man, experienced dominant after dominant, who just did not get it. I also post on the message board here and probably most reading this now clicked on my profile from there. One of my big pet peeves on the board is this very same topic I am about to talk about. DOMINATION AND SUBMISSION ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS THAT WORK TOGETHER! Women like me have submissive personalities and are submissive in general in the first place. We are not on this site for just those feelings. We all can live very regular lives and have are submissive nature fed. We all have whether in a power exchange relationship or not in the past dressed in ways our other found attractive. We all have done domestic things without complaint. We all have put out in whatever way and whenever the person we care for wanted us. We all have obeyed or inquired what our other was wanting from us. We are happy and fulfilled by our relationships because we are happy in them not because the person we are with calls themselves dominant. Being dominant is not just about training a submissive to the way you want them to behave and do things how and when you want them. It is not just train and punish if a mistake. It is not just about if your submissive is obedient or not. Failures, mistakes and attitude issues are not always or even mostly about the submissive not getting it, screwing up or not submissive enough. The reason most if not all women who enjoy severe power exchange relationships are looking for Masters is because they want/need to fell dominated both physically and mentally in their lives. Domination is effort, leadership and energy that the dominant actively brings to the relationship. It is about forcing your will and desires on your slave without concern for theirs in the immediate nature within the scope of the relationship and not just about getting your slave to obey and punish if they disobey! All of you that write in your profiles and messages incessantly about wanting an obedient slave or what you think an obedient slave is and go on to basically think as a dominant that all you need to do is train to your specification and punish if a mistake happens. All of you who are dismissive about all kinks or treat them as sexual fun or just rewards and having more then one rule (obey) is for losers because you are a natural dominant. For all of you like this, there is a reason why you cannot find a person who is sincere into sever power exchange you are bringing very little to the table. A woman like me wants to know how are you going to dominate me not how are you going to use my submissive nature! I will close with examples between domination and guiding your submissive. I repeat not that guiding your submissive is not a significant part of these relationships but not all just a part. So is domination! Giving you slave guidelines to how you want her to dress is guiding a submissive (GAS). Picking out exactly what you want her to wear is an act of domination (AOD). Teaching your slave to inquire if you would like something or if she can give you a blow job while you are watching a game on TV is GAS. To grab her and shove her head to your cock and throat fuck her until you cum and then dismiss her without much acknowledgment is an AOD. Giving her rules about talking on the phone to friends in general is GAS. When on the phone telling her to get off immediately is an AOD. Playing in the dungeon where you are overly concerned or try to make sure your slave gets to sub space or sexually pleased in a way is too people having fun with kink. Inflicting pain and/or putting your slave in bondage and not giving a damn if this time is pleasurable or not it is all about you is an AOD. In fact the key for me personally is knowing my Master is indulging in what he wants and not doing things because he thinks I want him to. So the more powerful, overt, painful and disgusting done to me knowing they do not bring me pleasure by themselves are all very strong acts of domination. To me mainly because if I know he can do these things to me for whatever reason I know all the smaller things are done for that reason and makes all the wonderful things he does do just for me more pure and special!

Well to the shock of my family and friends who thought because I did not care if I was married it would not happen I became engaged to be married to my most wonderful Master on New Years Eve. I am very thrilled as I know what this means for my Master and hope I can and do prove my devotion to him every single day.

I am in ecstasy write now. My Master asked me to come live with him and it was the easiest yes to ever come from my mouth. Minneapolis here I come!

Please understand I do know I am coming off as being Miss Negative in these entries but I am just trying to give you real information. I do not do motorcycles both riding them and having my Master ride them. I am a nurse and work in the ER and have seen too many really bad accidents from newbie?s and well seasoned riders that it is a very large mental block issue with me. I am not judging as I am a huge follower of personal freedom and doing what you love as long as no one else gets hurt, but I could not handle a loved one on one, sorry.

Also, I am not Christian and unwilling to convert. I do not care about what religion you are, but there have been more then a few to bring this up so I thought I would post this.

It was also mentioned that I disrespected June Cleaver that I do not have any first hand knowledge that she was not incredible in the bedroom. I am sorry to infer that she was not. :)

A couple of things?

I do not believe my submission is a gift. It is a part of me and what bring me the most happiness in this world. I understand some who slant it toward since it will be cherished it is a gift, but to me that is a different definition than how most use in describing this life. Technically anything that we enjoy or love is a gift in that sense. I cannot view as a gift because what I am giving I am wanting something of equal value in return.

In my journal entry below let me clear up what has confused many. I have no problem with anybody wanting a much younger or skinnier person. I just have a problem if the person who wants one or both of those has a problem if they get rejected for being older or in far worse shape. It is about the one way thought pattern and not the preference.

Here is one of my biggest pet peeves? Hypocrisy! First we are all hypocrites in some way each and every one of us, so what I am referring to are people who are hypocrites and do it in an overt arrogant way. I wrote this because you will see this in the following:

I will treat you the same way you treat me. If you treat me as being real and sincere I will treat you as real and sincere. If you write me skeptical of my sincerity I will be skeptical of you. What I will guarantee though is if you write me questioning my sincerity and other things all the while your message and profile spurts words of how real, sincere and experienced you are, I will hit delete and be done with you. You do not get a moral high ground and benefit of the doubt by being dominant and stating your real. I could truly care less with how you have been screwed over on this site. We all have from both sides and both genders. Deal with it somewhere else!

I do not care for any language in a profile or message that would eliminate you if you were a female on this site and then write in the message or reply to a no thank you message stating how superficial or unimportant the thing you get told you were for not starting up a conversation. In other words, do not complain if someone thinks you are too old if you are in your fifties and looking for someone in their 20-30?s. Are you open to dating woman in their seventies and eighties? Do not insist on a woman who is thin if you were to lose twenty pounds your doctor would call it a start. I have no problem with people searching out younger women, hell in my teens and early twenties the older you were the better chance you had to get into my pants, but just remember again it is a two way street and no amount of dominant arrogant logic can bridge some barriers that both sides have. If you have barriers, respect other people?s barriers.

I am very much up on most medical advances so I am unaware of any new pill that a dominant can take that makes them smarter and wiser then any submissive. You may or may not be, but not wise to assume it. In other words, I do not need a dominant because I am directionless, ungrounded, emotionally a mess or any other negative quality that your magical brilliance and direction can fix or bring out in me. I need a Master to be much happier and fulfilled in my life and certainly his knowledge and wisdom can only be a benefit, but it goes along with my own. Do not disrespect my parents that I love dearly by thinking so little of my mental and emotional states. If you need to fix or be superior to your submissive woman that is not dominance, that is low self esteem on your end and/or narcissism pure and simple.

For the entire ?look at my profile and IM me people?. I will not be contacting you on IM. I do not claim to have this incredibly busy and fabulous life, but I still have many better things than staring at a computer hours at a time and writing one sentence at a time to a stranger about the weather and what I am up to. I am willing to IM but only after some messages and good information is exchanged. If you cannot take the time or have the patience to write actual paragraphs instead of five words, nothing against that, but we just would not be a match.

I have lived this life in real time and 24/7. For all the people who have lived this in cyber and their head, I will not be liquidating and/or handing over all my assets to you. I will not cut off contact with family and good friends. I will not be branded and tattooed upon arrival. I will not quit my job and move hundreds of miles after a two week interview period. Please skip on by me. Also please pass me by if you think 24/7 means either play or cage or you do not believe there is such a thing as 24/7 because you cannot play or cage 24/7. Here is a hint 24/7 does not mean what you think.

Married men who are unhappy in their marriage, the marriage is all but legally over or any other way you want to phrase it, if you are married by the law?s eyes then I will have nothing to do with you.

Poly people, I have nothing against you or your ways. It is just simply not something I can do. Please understand this.

tosissycd Male Submissive, 43, Ontario	tos33 Male Submissive, 33, Warsaw	TOScottybear Male Dominant, 42, Ontario	ToSwitch Female Switch, 39, Sacramento, California
ToSirwithLove Male Dominant, 60, Marin, California	tosky Male Dominant, 34, madrid	ToSweet2Beat Female Submissive, 46, near Glasgow	tosteviepie Male Submissive, 49, Boston, Massachusetts
tosser182 Male Dominant, 22	tos5 Male Submissive, 28, c	tosubmit2u Male Submissive, 39, Seymour, Connecticut	tosyn002 Female Submissive, 26, l, Georgia

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