tooSmartToBeSub

The brave die never, though they sleep in dust: 
Their courage nerves a thousand living men. 
~Minot J. Savage 
To all service members: thank you for your devotion and sacrifice

If you have someone that you know you can tell anything without being judged, ridiculed, questioned or harassed then why would you insist on lying?? It's the one thing I find very hard to forgive. I have this odd truth meter thing inside me, it sleeps most of the time but whenever I am being lied to it seems to awaken and let me know. Even if I ignore it or try to explain it way with reasoning and perfectly rational excuses it still eats away at me and eventually I must confront it head-on or retreat from the situation. I lost a long time close friend for this reason and I do not wish to lose anymore. Please be honest. Start by being honest with yourself. Never apologize for your truth no matter what it may entail and trust that it will all work out in the end.

So I often wonder whats expected from a girl here. There has been many times I will begin to converse with someone just to watch it die off real quick. Sometimes i get the feeling that my chat partner -in his own head- comes to a point in conversation where they feel a sub should have made a decision to commit of some sort. Out of the blue the messages seem to give less information but expect more in return. I honestly have a hard time just spewing what I consider to be useless and shallow facts about myself. Nor  do I care to describe to you all of the wonderful things I "would" do for you if you were here before me. What a colossal waste of time that seems. I am shy by nature and much better a communicator with direct questions or suggestions...just a hint.

mmhmmm yup that's why acting out can be so much fun! 

only thing missing tonight was a bit more time for the three of us

Need to get out tonight.

Heartbroken and fighting the need to act out