A community ripped apart

I have never seen a community ripped apart before, never watched on dissolve, I have heard stories and I am sad to say I see it all unfolding in front of me.

You devote your whole heart into something you believe in with your whole being investing your very soul to see something grow and feel pride knowing you were a part of it all. Then one day you look around you and you see someone who doesn’t care like you do, someone who never worked half as hard as you and they are sliding into your chair, pushing you down more and more each hour.

You talk to someone about it but you’re told to get over it, to look beyond your own feelings to swallow down your thoughts and feelings, you’re asked to sit by and watch idly while someone else gains honor they haven’t earned or worked for. People start coming to you complaining and all you can do is sit with your hands tied and empathize, knowing your voice will never be heard and neither will theirs.

You start to see things and wonder if they were always there, the Kool-Aid gets watered down, and you wonder if you were blind or you chose to look the other way. What you once were so proud of becomes shameful; the people you loved with all of your heart become someone you don’t know anymore.  You look at a face that is so familiar it’s etched into your core but yet you see a stranger in his place. You confide in another who was always so honest and fair and hear the words come out of his mouth that sound like a foreign language.

You have used all the forms of communication that were taught you and now no one hears you, instead you hear it’s his, age, maturity level, that’s what happened when your fucking the boss, your path is not the same as theirs, excuses, and because of these excuses people have come to the defense of someone who shouldn’t have had them. You find that chair being ripped out from under you along with the rug. So you wipe your tears put on your bug girl panties and walk away from something that you no longer are proud to be a part of. Your no longer full of respect for those you worshiped, your lost, your confused, you feel like you have been misled and now you’re butt hurt. You look at this place where you found love, peace and comfort and find it’s only a building, a mere business where the dollar replaces virtue, honor and respect. Where popularity rules, it’s no longer a place where your morals matter, because the power of the dollar is stronger than any bond you will ever have.

It happened to a handful of people. So they strive to find that peace and love they had before the rug was pulled out from under them. They miss the feelings they had of belonging and they want them back. They find ways to gain it back and they realize that it’s a community that will give it to them; they search for ways to bring it back into their lives. They start their own thing, with educational classes, with play parties and they feel this is what will bring them happiness. The bottom line is they do have a lot to offer to the community, they have a vast amount of knowledge to share. Some of them see where they can make a difference, where if they reach one person and stop them from meeting a stranger in a hotel, they may save a life at the most or some trauma at the least. They know the difference between right and wrong, and they want others to know it. They want to help those who are lost find themselves and be smarter about who they are. They want to take this shell of a person who has some thoughts about the lifestyle and help them find their place in it, to empower them to show them their own self-worth.

But at what cost?  

This isn’t about competition; this is about reaching out to those in need. Those people who feel they can make a difference branch out on their own, they see a need that needs to be filled and they know they can do it.

What I see unfolding before me is a community being separated, one that is falling apart. A divided community is a community who will break down and have nothing in the end. Those who believe it’s easier to stay home instead of throwing a few dollars into the pot to keep a thriving community going. After a conversation with a man who I admire and respect I have gained some knowledge that I did not have before or I refused to see. When these people who have so much to offer have had the rug snatched out from under them and that unworthy person has slid into their chair the community is splintered. The population gets divided and groups form and refuse to participate with the other. The Kool-Aid changes flavor and it’s refreshing to try something new, it quenches your thirst and it feels so good. My prediction for the future is that our once very close community will be divided and those we once called friend will become enemy. People will be hurt. Lives will change forever. And todays happiest times will become a fading memory.

How do we change it? Does anyone have the answer? Does anyone want to work that hard anymore? 

I guess I am a slow learner. Will will I learn? 

IF you are NOT looking for long term please do not contact me, you are a waste of my time. And dont try to be something youre not, its a waste of both of our times.

I am a complete package, some good some bad. I am not perfect, I have bad days, i say stupid things. So allow me to introduce myself. Hit pot, Im kettle.

So here is my very last negative rant, I will be taking my own advice after this entry.

Where have all the positive people gone? I would just once like to read two profiles in a row that are not complaining about something. Scammers are everywhere, if You cant handle them I would suggest getting off of the internet, its the only way to avoid them.

There are players every where, here, vanilla bars, and any other social site and/or real building you walk into, its part of life, get over and stop complaining about it.

Honesty? Where is it? If your new that's awesome, we all had to start somewhere. I do not know one sub who was ever turned off by the fact someone was new, however acting as if you have been around forever is the biggest turnoff i can think of, its untruth, deceiving, and if you lie right off the bat about your experience , how can anyone trust you or respect it?

life·style

   [lahyf-stahyl]  Show IPA

 [ih-rot-ik]     Origin

I travel through life looking for your touch, the strength in your arms and your eyes, the feel of my body kneeling at your feet. Your hand gently resting on my head, making me feel weightless as if I could float away the feel of your hand wrapped in my hair, making me feel heat that I thought would burn my skin, only to find it burned my soul. You have consumed every ounce of me, and it tortures me. You touched me as no other has from across the room, in my head making me wonder if the air in the room is there. I hear the sound of your voice and my heartbeat, everything else falls away, no sound no walls no gravity as the floor gives way. All that remains is my soul, bare for you to take.

I've come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that's as unique as a fingerprint - and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you 

Your dreams, your thoughts, your wishes..........they will become mine

 If you judge me by my past, don't be surprised when you become part of it.

 Unknown

We all have a past, we have all done things that we are not proud of, some of us have done remarkable, monumental things. I have experimented my whole life. Yes I can admit I inhaled.  Yes I had sexual relations with that woman. There is a difference between living and existing, I prefer to live. What is that saying…”Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW! What a ride!”  Its my plan anyway.

I have tried a lot of things, some were mistakes that I learned from, some were so amazing I had to do it again. There were things that touched me in spots so deeply that I knew I couldn’t stop doing them.

I do know that when I say I don’t like something, its from experience that I can say this, because I have done it, I have tried it. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it makes me who I am today. Well rounded, level headed with enough knowledge in what I have experienced to be able to talk about it and share with others new to the lifestyle or those that have been around longer than I have been born.  You may not like what I have done, hell I don’t like some of what I have done, Bottom line is these things allowed me the room to grow and make a decision for myself and not take someone else’s word for word for it. 

I'm a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you again.

Trust, Honor, Integrity, Respect. 

These words are not nouns; they are verbs, actions words, something you do not something you say. These are the qualities I look most for in a person, Dom, friend or any other person I interact with. They are requirements for anyone I would date or otherwise be involved with.

Married and looking? Using the word discrete in your profile? I wont be interested. Please if you in another romantic relationship or involved I wont be interested. I worte this in my profile, but I will say it again. I am looking for ltr, I am not poly. I find it very sad that I would have to write this. I have heard them all, we aren’t sleeping together, we are together for the kids, blah, blah, blah. Good luck to you, I wont be a part of cheating. Yes it is cheating when the other doesn’t know. It is pure disrespect, shows you to be untrustworthy, with no honor or integrity. Hurt your feelings? Too bad.  Without these qualities you are incapable of leading me anywhere. 

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” 
― Anaïs Nin

Today I sit here and look at this screen in pure amazement. The quick judgement of people and their reactions to situations that they may know nothing about drives me crazy,I think its called jumping to conclusions.

Little story: Met a man I felt a strong connection with, we spent some together and every minute got better. He thought so too. He spent the night and left with us having plans to meet at his house later in the day. (over an hour drive one way). 

In that time of taking care of things I had to take care of before I could leave for a day or two, I had a very serious family emergency. 

 I tried calling this Dom ( i now use the tern lightly) to explain what happened and where i was going. He did not answer his phone, I sent a text to please call me. no response. I called him and he told me he was in the store and he would call me back. I don't know if he did or not, reception is sometimes hard to get when your in a hospital. Now he refuses to even red the email I have sent, or answer messages, because he thinks i stood him up. I am not a stalker and have stopped trying to let him know anything.

I have been in this lifestyle for several years, I spent three of them in the public learning from as many as I could, and feel I have grown as a woman and a submissive. 

So i thought I would share this experience as I hope it might help someone one day.

I know the difference between reasons and excuses. My son is a priority, if i get a call that he is being rushed to a hospital by ambulance, you better believe I am dropping everything to get to him. I would expect that a good Dom would have drove me and understood. Some things do come first.

Anyone ever heard of  JADE. Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain? I don't think a good Dom should put me in a position to do any of these, if i have to resort to any of them I was NOT doing what was right in the first place. My question is what happened to understanding or being given the benefit of the doubt, and how do I respect someone who was so quick to pass judgement because they didn't get their way?

Look at me. Dont look through me. See me, not what I look like. See the inside of me, who I am, what I stand for. See my morals, my honesty,see my values. See me for the eagerness I carry to please You. See my heart, a heart that screams with humility, love and compassion. See in me, my desire to serve You, to make Your life easy, to jump to Your whims. See my devotion to You, the selfless acts of doing what I could not imagine myself doing, the anger in me if someone disrespects You. See the determination in me, when I try and deliver Your needs and wants, see the fight in me when someone stands in my way. See in me the pureness of my submission, the depth at which I would glady lay all of me at Your feet. See in me the trust, that I carry for You and for myself. See the me who offers my mind to You and invites You to share my deepest thoughts. See me when I bring my deepest fantasy to the table and ask You to do as you please with me. See my face, notice my reaction when You ask something of me that scares me. See my hands shake and tremble when I am on shaky ground, see my eyes when I look to You for comfort and the answers I am so desperately seeking within You. See me, the one who serves You. See me, the one who lays down at night feeling I haven't done enough for You, See me when my eyes half way close from the sheer ecstasy your touch and voice bring. See me, the one who remains full of respect for You even when you let me down, see me, the one who would rather die before I fail you. See me, the one You respect when I misplace my own self respect. See me, look at me,look deep in me and you will see You.

This is a quote from a profile I read here.

" I am realist living in relaity. The sub/slave I seek will be between 5-6 and 5-7. she will have long blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect teeth and not weight over 127.5 lbs. She will have no piercings or tattoos, no children, no baggage and little to no experience." She will be willing to give up full control to me and her refusal to obey is to be released.

Reality? lol.

I thought this was a lifestyle with people who were open minded non judgemental and understanding of individuals. I thought a good Dom took you as you are and led you to where you wanted to be? I have been seeking a Dom who undersatnd what it means to me to serve, to love to obey and cherish, a Dom who will see all these things in me and be proud to own someone like me. Alas I find out I have been doing it wrong.

I am not sure when i missed the memo about " Build A Dom" workshop. Or is this some kind of double standard where subs dont have the right to get what they seek as well? Is there an order form online that I can pick out hair color and weight, pesonality, shoe size? Will UPS deliver it or is there a drive thru, can I just order at the window and have my order my way in under 3 minutes? Wait!!! I have always gotten my order messed up at drive thrus, wonder if thats whats wrong with so many failed relationships today? Did they not check the order before they drove off? Does the Happy Dom Meal come with a free velcro collar? Are they collectable in different colors?

As i said, I missed the memo to the "build your partner workshop", so if anyone has a copy would they please forward it to me so I can make the next class? Until then I will start my perfect Dom,  turstworthy, honorable, educated, respectable, fair, and easy going adonis out of modeling clay.

Thanks in advance:)

Can someone please explain to me the term "true submissive"? Seriously?

To have someone give you control of their bodies and minds,
to be entrusted with the responsibility to take care of them,
to have someone willing to suffer for you,
to forsake pride and dignity to please you...
what other gift in this world can possibility equate to that?
And more importantly, what makes you worthy to receive it? -- Anonymous

My screen name?

How blessed am I in this discovering thee
To enter in these bonds is to be free. -- John Donne

Things that "irk" me:

Can someone say something intelligent please?

A "Dom" who only posts a picture of his cock, and says "its not about sex." Are you more than a dick?, cant tell you didnt say much more.

A "Master" who puts up endless pictures of his home dungeon and toys, Does the toy bag make the Dom? I posted a picture of the space shuttle in flight, doesnt make me an astronaut.

The ones who say I am not real because they email me with directions and/or instructions before they know my name., and i respond with a sarcastic giggle. Really, does this work in the "real" world?

The ones who email and come across as sincere, so I respond and then they respond with you didnt address me as Masterofyouruniverse in the first 30 seconds, now you may ask for forgiveness. Seriously? <----insert sarcastic giggle here.

Next: Can we get off the word "real". We are all real, because I have disagreed with you doesnt make me less real. It just makes me not interested in you or your line of BS and then it can simply mean you and i have no future or spark. . I respond to sincere messages that come across as friendly. If you have tried to "Dom" me in the first email, i have to laugh, my submission is earned and given freely to those who i respect.

I can give countless references by some very respected people in this lifestlye. Just ask. And please remember, it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all boubt:)

In reading profiles and hanging on the words written there, i caught myself emailing him. He sounded so delicious. yessss! we exchanged a few emails, i met him. wow not so delicious as his words for his actions do not match. I find this over and over again. So i thought what if were truly honest in our profile, would we attract attention? would we sound as appealing as we want to be? This was written as a joke for my dear friend who is new and struggling to find herself and her place in this crazy world and lifestyle. She is so loving and trusting and deserves someone who will fit her perfectly. I share with you our once private joke i am positive that without a doubt you will all say to yourself. um oh yeah ive been there lol

I am a recovering alcohlic. I will never touch another drop of liquor thanks to my new crack addiction. I am a single mother of 5 kids, well 7 but two dont count cause i got pregnant in a drunken stupor and i dont remember the conception i am not even sure if it was consentual. I do not have a job as i feel it takes up too much of my time, and i cant miss days of our lives. i have a few bad habits i cant cook so the one who accpets me for this must know how to cook. What i am looking for in a man, well i have given this a lot of thought. He must be tall, extremely good looking, have a good job so he can support this ready made family he will take on. He must be comfortable in all situations, and take me as i am. There will only be sex when i say so, He will cook and clean as instructed. He will be ok with not wearing a condom cause he loves me so much that he is willing to share anything with me, including my genetial warts. He knows that if he catches herpes from me that it was a gift to be shared by two people in love and love can ovecome all obstacles. I know this sounds as if i am over bearing, and maybe dominant, but i am a true submissive. I will sit at your feet with a smile on my face and do all you ask of me as long as i am strung out on cocaine. when you want a blowjob i will gladly go next door and bring that 18 year old over for you, i hear blowjobs are so much better when one doesnt have teeth. I will even convince her to have her tooth fixed so there are no sharp points n which to scrath you. I am against markings of any kind, however if you feel the need to mark me as your own, i will consider a solid gold collar, if you really love me, you will have diamonds placed in it. Of course when we have our first real fight i will pawn it to support my crack addiction. You will forgive me cause i am a submissive and i will make mistakes. I hope to find you, the Master of my dreams, one who is as honest as i have been,afterall isnt it about honesty and being who you say you are?

ok, so i am a little cold and cynical, if you are shallow you wont understand the quote below.
 

WHAT DEFINES BEAUTY? - What defines beauty? That is such a large question; External beauty is transient as a passing breeze. Yet true beauty from within will never age. "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety"...

To all the gentlemen on this site, please do not be so hard on us as we are only human too. I know that we can come across cold and cynical at times but please try to understand what we are dealing with on here as well. You are not the only ones being scammed and getting weirdos.

After addressing the gentlemen i would like to adress the rest of you. I was taught to believe this lifestyle was based upon respect, if you can not send me an email and show some respect, please spare us both the wasted time. I do not cam, i do not cyber.

If you have something nice to say and can manage an intelligent conversation by talking about something other than my bra size i would love to hear form you.

Thought i would say hello to all the wonderful people i have met here. So hello wonderful people .  I have a ton of questions and still looking for some one with the answers to my questions and dilemas. Where has all the knowledge gone???? If you are out there, stop being greedy and share it!!!

When the student is ready, the master appears. ”

Buddhist Proverbs

There's a limit to how many times I can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet."

Woman was created from the rib of man, She was not made from his head to top him, Nor from his feet to be trampled upon, But out of his side to be equal to him, Under his arm to be protected by him, And near his heart to be loved by him.

--unknown author--