TK40XB

Whenever I review a profile that mentions TPE I am prompted to ponder the question, "who is controlling who in such a relationship"?  Does the alleged 'Master' really have control or has he been manipulated?  He might have acquired a person who alleges to be a 'slave; but has the so-called slave achieved control over the 'Master' by making him responsible for virtually every detail and need wherein the 'slaves' existence is involved.

It would seem that the latter is favored as the greater probability over that of the former.  She has, in effect, made an anchor of herself and, wrapped it securely around his neck. 

In another context, she has become an almost total liability.  What life is left to him except the total focus on micro-managing her as an alleged slave as well as coping with all those other facets that involve the vanilla world.  This type of 'relationship' mimics those found in the vanilla world wherein the self-centered bitch rules the household and their lives. 

At some point one would think that he'd ask, "where has both my freedom and my control gone"?

From a practical perspective I really cannot imagine that there are but a few people who could tolerate this level of intrusion into the daily managment of their lilves.  They would be, in example, independently wealthy (and one must ask why would someone who is economically able choose a creature from Collerme.com when there are assets available from around the world that are, at least physically superior), OR someone who has managed their life so that they have attained economic freedom and no loger require gainful employment.  This latter group would involve those who could and should ordinarily expect to be ... in all probability ... at least two decades older than the available candidates.

I fail to find an attraction to being shackled with a creature who enjoys her dependence at his expense in a 24/7/365 situation/circumstance.  Moreover, this TPE situation denys the possibility of her growing and evolving as a person who continually enhances her capabilities .  Rather, she regresses and becomes even more dependent.  Who needs such a liability?  It is almost as if she were a muscle and when not used it atrophies.

As I compose this entry I can almost hear the shrikes of "I can't!" and the associated whine.

As I reviewed the subject profiles and there are all too many it seems to me ... where the alleged 'slave' who advertises her desire for a TPE relationship also announces that she has been released from her alliance ... and, in most cases, on multiple occasions if the offered text is to be believed.  Wherein lies the deficiencies that precludes a siustanable relationship?  Are the manifest deficiencies so pervasive that the associated stress and demands on the alleged 'Master' so overwhelming and fatiguing that these alliances are abandoned?

Many people in the lifestyle talk about Total Power Exchange (TPE) and the phrase, on the surface, seems self explanatory.  However, it seems to me that it is not as simplistic as it sounds.  I believe that for many, there are varying degrees and ideas of what it actually involves and how it functions.

So first, a definition of sorts:

Total Power Exchange

Where two people consensually and voluntarily agree to a power relationship in which one assumes total responsibility and the other yields to that authority.  The defining element of this TPE is the deliberate construction of the dynamic in which one person assumes some and most probably a very significant degree of psychological control over the other.

Reason dictates that all decisions are made by the controlling person and those decisions are absolute.  If it were not absolute then it would not be a TPE.

Many people think of TPE as existing only in a long term/full time relationship but there are instances where there can be experimental TPE between two consenting adults for a limited time ... the limiting parameter being the ecomomic freedom of those involved whereat they are free to indulge in such an experiment.

Consensual Slavery

This descriptive phrase is probably a more accurate description of any full time relationship based on TPE.

There is always the possibility that the "consensual slavery" will transition into slavery without consent.  A slave then is someone who has been fored to give up all freedom and all rights as a person.

A person who has consented to a full time relationship with a Dominant, and who has consented to TPE has, in effect, agteed to Consensual Slavery. 

There are, of course, the constraints imposed by the 'real' world in which we live.  There are factors that sometimes get in the way ... family, friends who do not understand, jobs, generally the everyday things that are part and parcel of our lives.

Note: Contrary to the prevailing perspectives of the females who post these profiles ...
TPE does not mean that you will remain aloof from the vanilla world ... living your life as a little house mouse.  TPE means that you can be compelled to be gainfully employed, that you can be directed to further your formal education, that a whole host of duties may be involved that are never discussed in the dialogs that take place on this site.

At the core of any TPE relationship is a huge amount of trust.  It is not easy to hand your life to someone and say, "here, take me and look after me".  There is a huge responsibility imposed on the Dominant, who now has another human being's life to care for as if that person were a helpless infant.

There is also the common misconception that TPE always involves micromanging the slave.  In other words every single moment of the slave's life is managed and decided by the Dominant as if the slave were brain dead.  I find that while I can comprehend this concept I also know that it is something that I would not admit myself.  Alas, fate4 has dictated that I'm amenable ONLY to those candidates who are perfectly capable of performing competently in the vanilla world but their persona requires that they lead an alternative life wherever possible.  Need I say that intellectual discourse is hoigh on my list of qualifying criteria.

Codependency or co-dependence

This is the tendency to behave in overly passive or excessive care-taking ways that negtively impact one's relationships and quality of life.  It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than that of others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.  Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.  Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance and/or control patterns.

Codependency describes behavior, thouthts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking.  For example, parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority.  Although a parent could neverrtheless still be codependent towards their own children if the care taking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.  Generally a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to the child.

Codependency does not refer to all caring behavioir or feelings but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.

It seems to me that if the Dominant and/or prosepctive Master is healthy and competent he will avoid those that seek what amounts to a parasitic relationship operating under the guise of TPE. 

At best, those advertising themselves as slaves desiring a TPE relationship will probably have a life long track record of being LAZY to a degree beyond estimation.  Thus, in virtually every sense they should probably be classifed as a liability absent compensatory attributes!

CollarMe.com is an amusing site to visit ... if it were not, for the preponderance on many occasions, so pathetically superficial.

I cannot but observe that for all of the many profiles allegedly created by females, genetic or otherwise, the vast majority retain the trappings and attributes of the vanilla mindset.  A thought process and attitude that runs rampant, virtually unrestrained.

In point of fact the overwhelming perspective is invariably uttered with the focus of "I" and "me" vs. the "us" and "we".  The latter being the hallmark of a vital, viable and sustainable M/s, D/s relationship.  If either of these 'type' relationship is to develop, achieve sustainability for those involved they are eacch compelled to free themselves of their mental reservations.  Failing to do this ... those involved will find themselves in a series of alliances that has now become the hallmark of the vanilla world.  The evidence of this statement is all too often, in my opinion, contained in the expressed testimony of those who have created the said profiles, e. g. "I'm free again (and seeking)".

Perhaps this is the crux of the issue, e. g. the retention of the vanilla mindset and its associated behaviors ... displayed when the said females subscribe and visit the world of BDSM.  The consequence of their retained behaviors/attitudes evades the dynamics of what is allegedly the essence of life, living within this lifestyle.

The wealth of said profiles evidence rhetoric that pledges service as a slave/submissive invariably coupled with boldly stated criteria, a plethora of conditions that a male must meet, before he is deemed acceptable to the female.  However quaint this operating criteria may be ... rendered as it were from the vanilla world ... without benefit of editing, attempting to foist onto this site behaviors that has ostensibly repudiated such tenants and protocols.  What kind of happy horseshit is this?

Dominants ... dominate, dictate, chart the path that the shared relationship will follow.  They are not amenable to being suborned or subjugated by a female who is advertising herself as a slave/submissive allegedly with the intent of serving/following.  I can't think of a better example in which a male is emasculated through the process of patronizing the female and perverting the dynamics of a D/s, M/s relationship.  The consequence, should such a situation evolve would, in fact, be nothing more than that of any contemporary vanilla relationship as it has come to exist here in the US.  Kissing her ass is not known to be a viable (workiable) set of behaviors within the context of a D/s, M/s relationship ... it is antithetical of such.

I will confess that when moments of boredom occur ... I suibscribe to patronizing my curiosity and admit myself to conversations with the above-cited females.  I can't help but wonder what in the world are these females thinking when they subscribe and visit this site?  Throughout the conversations it is im;possible to escape the awareness, when all the disingenuous rhetoric and behaviors are filtered from the dialog, that little thought or interest has been focused on what it takes to establish and sustain a D/s, M/s relationship.  What prevails is primarily the flavor of hedonism, meaning the 'play' activities of the BDSM life experience.  Implicit and foremost in their mids seems to be that the trappings of the BDSM play are sufficient to serve as a foundation for a sustainable relationship.  That's tantamount to declaring that the recreational activity of fishing is a sufficient foundation upon which to build a shared life.

I think or at least I hope that reasoning and reasonable people will acknowledge that the 'play' aspect is a useful tool, a shared redreation if you wish to think of it in such a context.  They will readily acknowledge, without reervbation, that those who have chosen to live their lives within the context of the D/s, M/s  lifestyle cannot escape the preponderance of the manifold aspects of the vanilla world.  Yet, little in the way of dialog addresses the crucial aspect of expunging the "I" and "me".  Or, at the very minimuim subordinating such during the transition from the vanilla world.  For the slave/submissive ... they must embrace the mindset, hallmarked by the "us" and "we".  Such is the essence of a sustainable relationshipo and in this regard it is aking to what will be found in any vanilla relationship of quality.  So ... what is the difference?

I submit that the essential difference exists in the innate attributes of the slave/submissive's persona, e. g. the internal compulsion to subordinate their will to the leadership of another as the pervasive element/aspect of their lives.  It is not akin to dressing for the part.  These 'roles' demand substantial intelligence and discipline on the part of the couple or group.  It is not easy thing for the slave/submissive to achieve suiccess in the'role' that they must live ... in the shared life that they have chosen.

It is equally true that for the dominant/master there is no relief from the responsibilities of charting or navigating the course or path that their shared lives will follow.  Whatever the chosen path the requirements im;posed must be perpetually reinforced and enhance the relationship.  No amount of 'play' will satisfy what is necessary to create, evolve, and sustain a mutually satisfying life for the couple or group.

Regrettably, the preponderance of profiles allegedly created by females exhibits evidence that shose who plead for acceptance as a s/ave/submissive are the produce products who have, for all intents and purposes, failed in their attempts to establish relationships in the vanilla world.  Now, as a desperate alternative, they are marketing themselves as somthing that they don't understand and probably can't comprehend.

On so many occasions they articulate that they have experienced an epiphany wherein they've only recently become aware of their true vocation ... compelled now to follow a life path as a slave or siubmissive.  What is this but a pathetic bit of marketing, a gambit designed to entice those who are equally ignorant and susceptible to even the most superficial masquerades.  (Males can be so very stupid and gulllible!)  On inquiry it becomes immediately apparent that the 'tapes' that they have played in their minds ... that they used to guide them in successive failures while attempting to create relatinship(s) in the vanilla world are being played again ... only on this occasion they are encountering persons who are not incllinded to be charitable and prone to pointing out the deficiences of their 'relationship dance'.

Those whose essentiall persona is that of a slave, a submissive, a dominant or master have known exactly what they are from their very early years, e. g. awareness became cognitive during their youth.  There is no magic light bulb ths is turned on and suddenly a conversion occurs.  The singular exception being when a subject is isolated for a significant period, e. g. weeks or months, in a state fo deprivation where they come to believe that their very survival depends on the mercy and good will of their captor.  In every other instance such pleadings/marketing has all the veracity of another immaculate conception.

Note:  Please don't bore me with the tale of the service menber who upon his return from Afghanistan was confronted with the fact that his wife had given birth to a child of a different ethnic strain (she having apparently thoroughly enjoyed her BBC before and after conception) as a consequence of becoming totally immersed in watching pornagraphic movies ... it was so real, shesays (I'll just bet it was).  And, the idiot husband (short on his measure of crebral lubricant and activity) argued that this must have been the way it happened "because she'd never lie to me!"

Alas, there are those rare few who are everything that once can imagine when it comes to being the quintessential slave/submissive, dominant/master.  To find one such person will involve a search that is long as it is frustrating.  The reward is worth the effort!

For those females who elect to include in their profiles the semantics "right" and "real" when it comes to Masters be advised that neither word conveys a universal meaning/definition.  It is like the word "beauty" ... it exists in the eyes of the beholder. 

Thus, if you are going to use these terms ... provide your definition, your criteria as to what they are supposed to mean because, by and large, you are the only one who knows.

Unfortunately, humans being what they are ... the vast majority will not be able to construct either a sensible definition or an inventory of the criteria that they would apply even if they knew.

Good luck.

Unintended Consequences ...

My reflections on the anything but disingeneous and often elongated bits of dialogue revealed some of the 'darker' aspects of the CM site.  Predominately, complaints of dastardly behavior are largely attributed to males.  Something that occurs all too often vis-a-via a number of profiles.  I can't speak to what might appear in the profiles of males because I don't review them.  Yet, two of my experiences now combine and compel me to post this entry.  The two aspects that underpin my message are:  my habit of reading.  a book (non-fiction) on the average of every two days, sometimes a bit longer if the text is particularly complex and advanced mathematics is required to digest and understand what the author wishes to convey.  The other is a rather distasteful interaction whom I regard as a pathetic female.  I can't find a kinder label except to refer to her by her gender.

Specifically, the interaction speaks to the common, if not prevailing, practice by females who entice, often plead to some degree for the male to articulate his inventory of the IDEAL attributes that he would like to find in a submissive or slave; someone who he would choose as his companion.  The thrust is to speak not only of the moment but also to what would eventually evolve ... all others things being equal.  I prefaced my response citing as I have above about the disingeneousness of those who have utilized this ploy so that they may avail themselves of attacking the inventory ... the purpose of which being a game of one upmanship and availing themselves of an opportunity to rant while safeguarded by their anonymity.

It did not surprise me when the female responded to the inventory item of lactating but what did catch my attention was the utter vehemence of her attack.   Now mind you we had not previously exchanged more than two messages therefore in no way could anyone discern that any form of a relationship existed.  What followed was a stream of messages arriving each day wherein she lauched her tirade stated in terms that were not only vulgar but were hallmarked by her malice.   It is amazing to me that someone could be so vendictive based solely on an abstract inventory to tastes and preferences.  Thus, I could not escape the conclusion that this pathetic female had established an agenda and utilized this ploy to vent her thoughts and feelings irrespective of the person who was her audience.

For my part as I read her messages I accepted the futility of posting responses ... only a fool would engage in an argument through the medium of messages particularly when the person remained anonymous.  At best I could only gage her behaviors through her admissions that she had failed in a number of serial relationships both in a one-to-one correspondence and as party of a poly situation.  She further expressed her misery with the fact that she could only acquire employment in jobs that rewarded her with poverty level wages.  I found her admissions inconsistent with her rather remarkable ability to articulate herself.  Apparently education cannot prevent a person from making an utter mess of their life through the choices she had previously made.  I am not amazed that the CM site draws from the population any number of impaired persons possessing an array of dysfunctional attributes.  It is just life!

From this specific interaction I extrapolated on the several whose entertainment is to play games and indulge in abusive behaviors.  Yet, I wonder if they ever give any thought to the unintended consequeces of their activities.

In consideration thereof I took the opportunity to engage in some casual research.  Those inquiries took me to sites relatling to serial killers; the commentary as to the events and experiences that were antecedent to their manifesting their violence.  These case studies predominately dealt with males but females were not excluded.

With those references I wondered if those who induge in abusive behaviors for their entertainment would accept their complicity and subsequent accountability as they would properly be an accessory to those heineous crimes. 

In another vain I was compelled to reflect on the asocial aspects of criminal behaviors particularly those who have been apprehended for serious breaches of the law.  In that arena all too often the behavior governing the arrestee's conduct is such so as to attempt the initiation of some act that would compromise the person who arrested them.  It is a very common set of behaviors and well documented in the literature.

This caused me to wonder if the female had found herself wanting, perhaps recalling previous involvements in which she had failed to acquit herself and this stimulated her verbal assault.  I will never know and I am not sufficiently interested in any event.

I find that it is most advisable to refrain from responding and/or engaging someone such as this female in further communications.  Even under the best of circumstances it would evolve into a sitiuation whereat I could not avoid the conclusion that doing so would be akin to kicking a defenseless animal, infant or child.

Once again transitioning from the specific to the general I wonder at the risk, the irresponsibity of this female.  What if I were a person other than who I am and I was or could evolve into a serial killer as a consequence of some real or imagined abuse.  It seems reasonable that when dealing with the anonymity element of Internet communications that reasonable, rational people will restrain their impulses to be base as they have no idea what might trigger an unintended response.

I think that we all recognize that the anonymity involved ensures that the specific person, personality will not suffer direct retribution.   But, then that leaves the unvented hostility poised to be vented on some unsuspecting presumably innocent person.