I am Tiresias, son of Everes and the nymph Chariclo. I am a blind prophet and soothsayer of Greece and Asia Minor.

My blindness began when I was in the woods one day, and came upon two great serpents copulating. I smacked one upside the head with a tire iron and was thereupon transformed into a woman. Ain't that some shit!

Seven years later, I was passing by the same place and came upon the same two serpents copulating. This time I got out my nine and smoked them.

Shazzam, I am again a man. I can tell you this, I do not like femanine hygene products. The leg waxing is actually kind of cool, and of course men will do anything for pussy or a little nip, so I definitely held the cards. Plus, these fools "fall in love" and want to give me apartments, charge accounts,drivers, cars, assets, the pink slips on the asses. Just as long as I will smack them around from time to time.

Shit, I would smack them around for free. But: money talks, bullshit walks. Or as we say here in Harlem, "No romance without finance" or the ever popular "What have you done for me lately" quote from the woman whose tits escapes during super-bowl. Man, was'nt that a horrible site for the kids!

I was just chiilin in the hod when the guys who control the block,


Zeus and Hera were arguing over who had more pleasure in sex, the man or the woman: Zeus said it was the woman, while Hera claimed men got more pleasure from the act. To settle the argument, they consulted me, since I had experienced life as both sexes

Opened the bidding at eternal life and just kept going.

Zeus came through with the big package and won, but it cost him serious bling bling to win.

His bitch, Hera got so pissed she blinded me - so much for eternal life.

Since Zeus did not have the quevos to undo the act of another deity - pussy-whipped motherfucker that he is - he gave me the gift of prophecy in compensation. That and a Metrocard and I can get to Central Park

This is what is not generally known and which it has made sense to keep stum about all these years. I accidentally saw Athena naked, and she covered my eyes with her hands, thus rendering me blind. The Zues thing is a cover story.

When my Mom's Chariclo asked Athena to restore my sight, the goddess could not undo her own action - which is of course total bs - but gave me instead the gift of prophecy as compensation. Since I can not tell in advance oil prices, horse races, stock option prices or international currency fluctuations, and since people ALWAYS hate the guy with the gift of prophecy - why they call it a girl I will never know -

All the stories you here about me and my making individual prophecies, like I predicted the manner of Narcissus' death; that I tried to warn Oedipus of the rashness of that king's inquiries about his parents; that I predicted that the sacrifice of Menoeceus, son of Creon, would permit the forces of Eteocles to repulse the army of the Seven Against Thebes - that is all jive. There was another cat who looked a bit like me, a Greek cat. Hee did it. I was just standing there minding my own business.

So, I at least have a point of view and am less likely to get my balls tangeled up with yours as we go.

As it was in the beginning, so it is still. And man, we actually had real slaves back in the day. You buy, you own. They obey, they do, if not they are punished, sold or slain. Much simpler system than all this touchy feelie safe word, slaves have rights to, slaves get to choose only the cute Masters or Mistresses. Like any Master/Mistress gives a fuck what a slave wants. Where's the fun in that.

Peace Out

T