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I find it interesting how it seems like so many don't bother to read profiles. Sometimes it gets irritating, but mostly it makes me feel like they really are not interested in getting to know me. I often wonder if it is because of lack of reading skills.
I am also amused at how many assume things about me. I guess it wouldn't be so entertaining except they are always wrong on their assumptions.
Another thing I find interesting is the ones that send negative emails thinking I will be interested. I have no desire to be with someone negative. If you feel the need to insult me with the first email then you can expect no reply. |
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I know what I want and I won't settle for less. Why cheat you or me by settling? Am I worth it? Yes for the right person I am. I am not looking for perfection. I don't believe it exists, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't find the person perfect for me. I am past the phase in my life where I will serve just anyone. I am much pickier now.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many assume things about me without getting to know me first. Some have assumed I am Mormon simply because I live in Utah. I am the perfect example of someone that doesn't fit the stereo type. I am not FROM Utah, I only live IN Utah. I am not Mormon at all. I am Pagan. I know this too will fly by many in their thinking, as their brain can't wrap around someone who is NOT Christian.
Also I have noticed that many can't seem to deal with a submissive that doesn't have low self esteem, is not looking to have her life fixed, is picky and expects someone to get to know her before they have her trust and submission. I often think, Why would someone want to be with someone that will accept just anyone or anything in life? Where is the value in that? Not just anyone will do for me. I would rather be alone. No I am not miserable being alone. I don't hate myself. I won't change my values, who or what I am for you. I am me. If I am not what you are looking for it doesn't offend me. I am grown up enough to realize that everyone has their own wants, needs and desires. |
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I had a nice conversation with a Gentleman today. Although what we were both looking for was not compatible, it was great to chat with someone that was nice for a change. I hope he finds what he is looking for. |
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aw another ignorant ass that thinks being dominant means being a domineering ass... guess manners is seriously lacking now days. It's pretty sad when a submissive has come to expect guys to be ignorant. What's sadder is when they prove her right.
Yes i am submissive. But, i am NOT YOUR submissive. i have NOT submitted to you. So this means i don't have to put up with you being a jerk. i am smart enough to know that manners mean a lot. If you are the type of dominant that you feel the need to try and drag a submissive down to make her worthless then i am not for you.
If you want worthless then you will get worthless. Later in life when you realize that the person you want by your side is worthless and you can't depend on her then think back.... you got what you asked for. Nothing worth having. ~smirks~
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I don't do online! I won't answer people that send me messages that they want to be my online Master. I am not interested in relocating. Ordering me to respond won't work either. I am not yours and I am not going to obey. |
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I have noticed that quite a few men in my area have multiple profiles. I find this interesting. Why does one need more than one profile on a site? |
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I know sometimes I come across as negative. I say what I think and what I am feeling at the moment. I too get tired of the bs at times. Most issues would be avoided if people would read a profile. I am very honest in mine. I guess many assume that people won't tell the truth in profiles so they assume mine is all lies... oh well ~sighs~.
I won't settle for what I am looking for. I don't need to be 'saved', 'fixed' and I dont' have a poor self esteem. I am not broken (in fact spirited and fiesty instead). I find that most guys tend to fall for the ones that do the damsel in distress role. I refuse to lead anyone on that way. I am much too stubborn and have had to take care of myself for too long to play the part of damsel in distress.
No I am not dominant nor am I a doormat. Walmart has doormats on sale tho! |
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I received an email from a Domme asking me if I had ever experienced torturing the male penis. I am wondering what part of me being submissive and NOT DOMINANT she didn't understand. I guess I can understand with so many switching but I am not a switch. |
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i want a fireman for my birthday |
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I am no longer blonde. I went back to my natural hair color of brown. Will post pics soon. |
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i will not relocate. i tried that more than once, got burned and had to start over from scratch each time. i learned my lesson the hard way. Not doing it again. |
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For once i would like to chat with someone that realizes that being dominant doesn't mean one has to be an asshole. |
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So who told work I am a masochist??? huh??? Someone must have because they scheduled an all day training meeting on my day off! |
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Enjoying my new job so far. Local driving is different than long haul but I think I like the part of being able to go home when the work is done. |
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Please do not message me asking me to help you discipline your sub/slave. If you can't control them then what makes you think that i want to? |
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Just a note for those that might be interested im me: i am not one that has low self esteem nor do i feel sorry for myself. i enjoy life and try to look at the positive things. If you are looking for something broken to fix i am not it. |
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Fresh hot coffee on a crisp fall morning..... mmmmmm.... life is good. |
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note to self... after years of not wearing polish, black is not a good color to practice with! |
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Fresh peach pie right out of the oven smells wonderful. |
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Ok so I have a dumb question. Why do male dominants looking for a female submissive put a pic of a naked female on their profile? To catch the attention of other males? -ponders- |
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Went to the Zack Brown concert last night and had a great time. Would have been nice to go with a guy but oh well, I still had fun. |
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wonders if anyone has peaches locally they don't want.... fresh peach pie sounds great. |
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UPDATE: If you have an issue with me being a pagan witch then please do not contact me. I won't convert to christianity. |
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Why are guys afraid to call when you give them your phone number? One would think a chance to talk to someone instead of just chatting would be a good thing. Guess I have it figured out all wrong. |
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Fresh blackberry pie for an afternoon snack... yum! |
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i think the hardest part of being single again and starting over is not having the control in my life. Once one is used to handing over control it is difficult to suddenly not have that control anymore. |
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'at this time i am not interested in relocating out of the western usa. simply because it seems most want me to do all the traveling on my dime. if i am going to do that i will go back to truck driving and get paid to drive. the road travels bothways. |
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i find it funny how some asked several times when i would be back home because they wanted to meet me and now since i am here i get no response. Guess they weren't serious. |
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i went to the fair today and had a great time. It reminded me of a time when i used to travel with the carnival. It is good to be home! |
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i am home. perhaps i can find someone looking for more than just a piece of meat to use,abuse then toss away. catch me on yahell messenger. |
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well i have a day off and time to be online so answering emails today. |
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I am not running out of Wyoming anymore. Back to wandering all over doing long haul again. Life is good. |
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driving truck again... will be in Cheyenne Wyoming area quite a bit for the next few weeks |
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i am getting back to doing truck driving again so catching me online will be difficult. You can catch me on YIM as kittenhasclawz. |
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Well now i know why i don't give second chances... they never work. Gonna head back to the western usa to visit family... who knows where after that. |
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i am staying in WV and we are working things out. |
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If you are going to be rude or crude with your language then move on to another profile. i have had enough jerks in my life. Manners are important to me. Being Dominant doesn't have to mean one is an assh*le too. |
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i am finding this site totally amusing today... i am beginning to think i am a troll magnent today. |
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No i do not dominate ANYONE... male or female. Apparently me being a submissive is not clear. Yes i find it offensive when i am trolled to dominate anyone. If i was interested in dominating then my profile would say i am a switch or Dominant... not submissive. i really don't understand why this is so difficult for some to understand. |
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If you can't approach me with manners then don't bother... being dominant doesn't mean you have to be an asshole! |
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i find it irritating how many assume that because i am no longer owned that it was something i did. i am getting tired of the emails of "thought you were owned, what did you do wrong?"
Well this is what i have to say about them.... if you are going to assume i did something wrong without finding out the facts then move on. i am not interested in someone that automatically assumes the worst of someone. i have no room for negative people in my life right now nor would i want to even consider being with someone that assumes the worst of me to start with. No i don't have bad self esteem. No i don't feel worthless. No i don't need your bs to make it thru the next day.
i am secure enough in myself that i can stand on my own two feet alone when needed. Yes i am hurt over this last relationship ending but i am not broken. i don't need or want pity. i do thank all the ones that are friends and stand by me. It means a lot to me and i hope that one day i can return the favor. |
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men are like frogs... some days you don't know whether to kiss them or throw them against the wall |
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Not looking for anyone right now. The relationship i was in recently ended and i need time to heal. |
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i have seen several profiles where the Dominants/Masters are looking for a sub or slave like the one they used to have. If you want one like the one you used to have then why didn't you keep them? We are all individuals and one cannot be like another. We all have our little quirks and personality traits. If you didn't want to be with the last one that was that way why would you want another like them? This makes no sense to me. |
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Well as of yesterday i have successfully completed another race around the sun. Took a year to complete but i did it... lol. Yeah it was my birthday. i had a good day. Now i start a new race around the sun again. i am looking forward to what a new year is going to bring. i am sure i can find something to keep me out of trouble... hhmmm probably not. |
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After not being online for several months i am finally back. i am glad to come back to chat with all my friends again. So HIYA everyone... i missed you. |
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Well i haven't written in here a while so i thought i would drop a few lines. i am not in the chatrooms much lately. Every once in a while i wander off but i don't forget my friends. You can leave me a message here and i will respond. |
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Someone told me this morning i am not a sweet person. i guess he should learn that trolling someone is not a good way to approach one. No i am not sweet when i am trolled. Troll me and i will treat you just like you treat me..... and that is not with respect. If you can't run with the big dogs quit whining with you tail between your legs in open chat trying to embarass me... not gonna work. |
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i have decided that life is like coffee... everyone likes it different, some don't like it at all... you do your best to make a good pot with the best ingredients you have but in the end you keep the good and throw out the grounds |
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Well i am moving across the USA again to West Virginia. Not sure how life will be there, i am sure it will be a new experience. i am back to family life again. i guess this gypsy is going to stay put for a while. |
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i find it interesting that lately a few have impersonated my Dom in chatrooms by logging in via mIRC. i find those people childish at best. i have gotten a few emails from those trying to tell me stuff about my Dom. i know that they do not know him and are probably dealing with the impersonator. Please be aware that there are many out there who are phony and will steal another's nick. Yes i do know of this impersonator as he approached me personally thinking i would not know he is fake. |
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Things are going good for me. Life is good, job is good and the person that i am with rocks my world. He means the world to me. He is new to this lifestyle and is learning more about it everyday. Hhhmmm i think he is becoming as warped as i am.... lol. |
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i really wonder about those that send me an email asking me what i am looking for. my profile is pretty straight forward as to what i want. Please take the time to read it. It shows me true interest. |
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Today when i was chatting with a Dominant he asked me if i had any questions. He told me he had several years of experience. i asked him what his hard limits were. i was surprised that he couldn't tell me. He told me i was supposed to tell him my hard limits then he was supposed to adjust according to that. i found it quite interesting that he had no idea what his hard limits were with such experience. |
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Well i am back out on the road today. i will check mail often with my laptop so fee free to leave me an email. |
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Today i talked a lot with my Dad regarding his cancer. It was one of those days where you have to discuss the not so good things about what the end is going to be like. We spent most of the day talking about life experiences, beliefs as well as plans of what he wants in the end. i am glad i am here for him to talk to. i can't imagine what it would be like to be all alone with no one to share your inner most fears with. But then in some ways i know how he feels. If something were to happen to me i too would be alone. Yes i have family but it is not the same as having someone there that cares for you. Life has a way of humbling you. i am glad that i have this opportunity to spend time with him. He made me promise i would not put my life aside just because his is ending. i told him i would promise that as long as i was given the opportunity to be here for him. In the end i want to be here. |
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Hhhmmmm a Dominant that is a truck driver and wants a submissive co-driver would be ideal .. i wonder how hard that is going to be to find. |
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Finally... i am home for a few days. Sure is nice to be here. i found that i don't make coffee like they do in the truck stops... now it tastes weak... lol.
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No i DO NOT have a cam nor do i want one. i find way too many Doms are just looking for subs with cams to perform for them. i drive truck and do not have spaced or time for all that equipment. Even if i were not on the road i would not want a cam. It is real time or not at all. Webcams are just online and will never replace one on one contact for me. |
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Well i am in utah for a week, lucky me. |
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Almost done with my on the road training then i will be finished with school. i will be able to check emails more often now since i have a laptop so please feel free to drop me a message. |
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Well i am leaving for a few weeks and won't be checking email as often. Please be aware any responses will be slow in coming and not very often at this time. |
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Well i have everything set. One week from today i will be gone on a truck getting my CDL. i will check email when i get a chance but it won't be often. |
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Kudos to the one that emailed me and commented on the pic of aftercare. It is nice to know someone actually knew what that pic was just by looking at it. i found it funny that most thought i was drunk or asleep in that pic. |
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Ok new rant. Why do some Doms feel the need to send an insult as a greeting for a hello? Do they really think that is going to attract my attention? Well it doesn't. i have no need for the insults nor will i ever consider someone as a potential that approaches me that way, so save yourself the effort... if you are going to be insulting as a hello then pass me by. |
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Today i am 44. Whew i made it thru another year. Now to see what trouble i can find for the next year >:) |
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Well i appreciate everyone that emailed me their views on my previous post. i found them quite good and loved the input. Part of why i post in my journal is to get feedback. i feel this can be a way to learn. Sometimes i do not agree with what someone says but that does not mean i don't appreciate their input.
Quote of the day:
"We tend to respect the intelligence and like those who listen attentively to our ideas even if they continue to disagree with us." |
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i had an interesting conversation today. i was talking to someone and i referred to a Master as being an dominant. He actually became angry with me said he wasn not a Domme and asked me if i knew the difference. Not wanting to argue about it i didn't bother to tell him that yes i knew he was not a Domme, as that is a reference to a female dominant. i instead told him that tho a Master is a dominant that not all dominants are Masters. He still disagreed with me. i said that Masters have dominant traits. Again i was told i am wrong. i guess i have it all figured out wrong. Damn this place confuses me. |
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Ok no offense but if viagra is part of your daily vitamins please do not contact me. Yes i am very sexual and i know what i need. There is no way if you are dependent on viagra that you can meet those needs. Yes i do know it's not all about me.. but i have no desire to turn into a nun anytime soon.... Good Luck and i hope you find someone that is compatible with your needs. |
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i get a lot of comments about how i have moved around a lot. Well i moved around because i could and i wanted to see things instead of sitting in four walls waiting for the right one to come along. Life is too short to sit and watch it go by, i prefer to go out and explore rather than sit and watch it go by. i will not travel to meet anyone or play with anyone at this time. i am here in cali for a reason. i have no qualms of telling you why if you want to know and have not read all of my profile. At this point i am just tired of people making judgements about why i am where i am without knowing the facts. i find it funny that so many that say they are 'open minded' judge first and ask questions secondly. Lets me know they are 'open minded' as long as it is their way only and you fit in their little box of how things should be. Well life is not that way.. you can try to fit it in a box but the only time you will succeed is in the end. |
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If you can't accept the fact that i am not desperate and easy or that i have others i do see right now then please do not contact me. i am not some desperate sub that will accept just any Dom. Hell i would have had a collar a long time ago if that was the case. Also i do have those i play with and will not ignore them just because you MIGHT be interested in me. For me to give up contact with my play partners there has to be something between us other than just some chat. i appreciate the fact that Doms tend to be possessive but first you have to have the possession before you can be that way with them. Just because we say hello and chat for a few minutes does not mean suddenly i am yours or that i am exclusive with you. That comes with time and trust. |
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Whew finally have dsl... dialup torture is over |
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Due to recently moving to california i won't be online much for the next couple of days. Please feel free to leave me an email and i will respond when i am online next.... have a great day. |
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Well i am off to California in the morning. i am looking forward to the move. It feels kinda strange to be going back to where i was born. i guess life goes in circles. |
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Marilyn Manson is coming out with a new CD finally.. life is good. |
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After being out of state a few days i come back to some emails not very nice because i did not respond to immediately(since i was gone). Hhhmmm i guess not everyone has a life and some live at thier puter. i refuse to take offense for me being gone. If you can't have any patience for a response without sending rude email then apparently i am not the one for you. At least i found this out without having to waste my time. Thank you. |
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i had a very nice visit in southern cali with a Dom from this site. He is someone i have chatted with for a while now as friends and it was great to meet him in person. i hope he has as much fun as i did. i look forward to meeting him again. |
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Finding my spot in this world where i belong is not as easy as i thought it would be. Single masochistic females that do not want to be treated as a piece of meat and want someone to get to know them first do not seem to be in demand. The internet has made the sub/slave almost a worthless commodity at times. Too many are too willing to give their submission to just anyone. This cheapens the way that we are looked at. The cheap and easy subs tend to be the ones chosen then the Dominants tire of them easily. Often times the rest of us are looked down upon as fakes because of the experiance the Doms have had with the cheap and easy type. They forget that you get what you pay for. Yes i see myself as quality. If that means i will be alone for a very long time because i choose not to be cheap and easy then i am willing to deal with that. It has not been an easy decision, but i value my submission. The one for me may or may not be out there, i believe that if he reads my words they will touch him deep down and he will know i am worth the effort. |
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After howling with the coyotes for a couple of nites a quiet nite at home was nice. i like vegas because it is a nice place to have fun. Just wish i could find a Dom to have fun with instead of nilla guys... oh well... guess i will just have to corupt a few. |
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Please do not send me an email on first contact that says "Hi, I am (insert name here) feel free to ask me anything you want to know about me." i mean, really, you are the one that contacted me first, at least try to give me some reason to contact you back. A pic would be nice too. If i was the one that randomly chose people to ask questions to then chances are i would have been the one asking to begin with. |
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Today i tried a soy hot dog. In all fairness to keep a positive outlook all i can say is they taste best with LOTS of spicy brown mustard. i think i will stick with real meat when it comes to hot dogs... ponders where exploring food leads her. |
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Well i am back at home in vegas. It is good to be back. i had fun and always enjoy my visit to southern cali. i am looking forward to going back. |
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i find it interesting that some of you Doms felt the need to respond to my post about the ghost town negatively. i feel pity for you that you can't accept the fact that maybe someone likes something different than you do. Do you really think it's all about you to someone who doesn't even know you? If you do i think you seriously need a reality check because yours bounced. Perhaps you need to look at life from a different perspective, like a positive one for a change. i may not always go places that seem the most exciting to the average person... but... i do my best to find ways to entertain myself while i am there... i CHOSE to enjoy life. Even the littlest things that seem boring can be fun with the right frame of mind. i don't want nor do i need your negativity. Please keep it to yourself. |
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Today i went to the local ghost town Calico. It was not as interesting as i thought it would be... it was more of a tourist trap than a ghost town. The jail cell was interesting from a caging point of view. The gun fight was kind of interesting. i think the admission of $6 was overpriced for what you got to see. Seems mostly it was just gift shops than ghost town. Overall i had a nice time tho. |
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Well i am thinking of doing house sitting for people on vacation as a profession. i think there might be a demand for kink friendly house sitters... that way you don't have to worry about kinky toys or a dungeon. So what does anyone think?... good idea? |
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well i am enjoying a couple of weeks in southern cali... the sun, sand and a private beach on a hidden lake... talk about paradise for a retreat... ponders a margarita. |
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What is up with rude insulting dominants tonite? geesh being abusive to someone is not being dominant... some of you need a reality check. |
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To clarify the previous post... this person knew ahead of time about needing to go thru SirDaniel regarding me. He choose to continue emailing and chatting with me after knowing that info so i refuse to take responsibility for his poor actions. |
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hhmmm today another rude email from someone, apparently he thinks i was wasting his time because he has to go thru someone else to meet me. i really don't understand what the issue is since it states very clearly in my profile that this is necessary. i replied to his rudeness telling him he was a jerk then blocked him. He then used someone else's collarme account to send me another email to tell me that i called him a jerk for no reason. Well i hope he is proud of himself for stooping to such a level to harass me. Sighs... why do so called Doms feel the need to be obnoxious if they can't have every thing their way? my journal states very clearly as to why i choose to take this route to finding a Dom. This person that emailed me only confirms my need to avoid his type. FYI if you read this.. the verbal abuse is non-consentual. |
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i have added some new pics to my profile so the updated ones should be up soon. |
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my reply to an email that i thought i should post... i see no reason for them to be offended as my profile states it upfront... if they do not wish to talk with my mentor that is their choice.. but rudeness and being insulting only shows me they choose to act like a child instead of a Dominant.. i live with SirDaniel and his wife so it is only appropriate that they be contacted regarding me. As the internet brings more disreputable people into the lifestyle subs are often feeling more of a need to have someone they trust to look out for them in their search. i can't even begin to say how many rude emails i get even before i asked someone to be my mentor. Even when Doms could contact me directly they were rude and insulting. Most seem to have no sense of honor or manners. So i chose this route to cut down on the number that troll me. So in my opinion some should look at why i chose this route instead of judging me for trying to protect myself from those who have no honor. That is my outlook anyway.
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Well i want to thank those of you that find the need to email me with rude remarks because i put in my profile that if anyone is interested in me they need to contact SirDaniel. Why am i thanking them? Well because it lets me know right away that i should not consider them for me. If they cannot understand the need for a slave to have Mentors then that is their problem. Perhaps i should be surprised of the lack of self control from those that hand out insults without reason but i find them actually pittiful. Why do they feel the need to insult a slave because she has those she trusts to help her? Are they really so insecure that they feel the need to insult someone to make themselves seem more dominant? i really don't understand such petty behavior from someone that calls themselves a Dominant. |
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i am spending a lot of time thinking... trying to decide what i want out of life. It is not as easy to do as i thought it would be this time. i find i like being in a place where i can be who and what i really am. my quandry is i am not sure i am the right person to be here. i am still trying to figure out my own mind and tend to be confused a lot lately. i am still restless and i do not know why. Sometimes i wonder if i am just so stuck on searching and can't see the forest for the trees. i wish i understood myself better. i think inside i am still searching for that grounding and stability within. |
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i am out wandering the world again. i am in Las Vegas right now.... not sure how long i am going to be staying. Catch me if you can... lol |
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Well i am headed back west tomorrow. It will be a long drive and i am not sure when i will be back online.. couple of days probably. i wish everyone a Merry Christmas. May you find what you seek. |
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Trust is a fragile thing. To grow it needs attention. Ignore it and it goes away. |
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my decision has been made.. i was going to wait until after the first of the year but why delay the inevitable? |
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With the new year approaching it is time to contemplate goals and make decisions. i am not one for new year's resolutions but i do feel a good look into what one wants is needed this year. At least i have a few days to think. |
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I found this poem, some days this is how i feel:
Dear Lord,I pray for wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him;Patience for his moods.Because Lord, If I prayFor strength, I’ll beatHim to death.Amen |
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A soul can lose it's luster for lack of care and love... and just like the violin, can once again be brought to glorious life -- under the touch of a
Master-- Myra Brooks Welch |
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If you are dumb enough to send me an email with the introduction as 'hi sl*t, whore, c*nt, f*ckmeat, etc.' please do not expect a polite response back. Only my Dominant has the right to call me those names. i think it is pretty pathetic that anyone would say hi that way anyway. It doesn't show me you are Dominant it simply shows me you have no manners. Even if i were not under consideration i would not be interested. Why would i bother to be interested in someone that has no manners? Being a jerk is not being Dominant. If you are that insecure you need to get a clue. |
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submission to me is pleasing the one i am with... doing things even if i dont' want to.. trusting him to make the decisions even if they may not be what i want at the time... it's not about the sex, being beat or tied.. it's about what comes from the heart... it is given with my all to him and at all times... he is my focus.. my life.. my leader.. my punisher... he is my everything... because if not.. it will not work for me |
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my patience still needs work but i am trying. It is sometimes hard when you care for someone to take things slow. i just hope LordLovatt realises how much he means to me. i think he does tho. ~smiles~ |
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i have found that patience is not one of my virtues. i am taking my time and still seeing where things go with LordLovatt. At this time i am not seeking. |
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Ok new rant... if you are going to email me at least spell your words out. Spelling shows minimal intelligence and shows me you at least have some inkling of how to communicate. If i have to spend forever deciphering what you said i will not bother to respond. Typos are not a problem, Everyone makes them. Misspellings are ok, everyone makes them. But flat out typing in numbers and one letter words is just flat out irritating.
hi how r u? can i c ur pics? c u l8tr.... geesh |
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i do NOT accept chat requests. If i am online in collarme i am in the chatroom called subs_seeking_Masters. If you want to chat then feel free to come in and say hello. It is too hard for me to be in more than one chat room at a time. |
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Changing my profile has made it seem like a email bomb went off. i am trying to answer all emails that i feel are genuine. Several have given me things to think about. Also people i have met from the past have made me ponder a few things. One being how do you expect me to miss you if you are never around? Dropping me a line once every several months does not show me interest. In fact it shows me that i am not important in your life. That once ever several months you remember i exist. i do not want to be the forgotten toy in someone's life. i mean much more to myself to ever settle for that kind of situation. |
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Some have inquired about the recent profile change... all i will say is sometimes things just don't workout |
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Today fades and i sit here wondering if tomorrow will ever come.... or am i deluding myself... only time will tell |
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For those of you that suddenly feel a need to call me 'sister' please don't. i have two sisters and neither are on this site. Just because we are in the same lifestyle does not mean we are sisters. |
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Today LordLovatt sent me a dozen red roses. Thank you very much Sir. There are not enough words to say how much this touched me inside. |
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Just a quick note for you Doms that are into poaching someone else's sub... go away. i am not interested, nor will i bother to reply to any of your emails. If you couldn't take the time to get to know me when i was on my own what makes you think i will consider it now that i am with someone? i am not stupid. If all you are interested in is someone else's stuff.. then go troll someone else. |
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The road is paved with good intentions. If you are good at making promises but don't follow thru and continually have to justify with excuses then pass me by. You can promise me the moon but unless you follow thru they are just empty promises and mean nothing. |
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i was chatting with someone and they told me that in their opinon i have become cynical and jaded. i thought about it and i don't totally disagree. i think mostly because of the rude and obnoxious approaches i have recieved i have become defensive. i need to try harder to disregard those types and be less defensive. i am seriously going to try to do that and use the ignore button more. i seem to attract the type that chooses to abuse women as a way to try and get their attention. Hopefully i will be able to avoid those types in the future. i have no desire to be with someone that is abusive. Abusing a woman does not make you more of a man and i feel that me becoming defensive has made me less submissive. It has made the walls around me almost impossible to get thru, not because i am not wanting to be with someone but because the attacks has made it difficult for me to be open and willing with most. The trolls make it extremely difficult for me as a submissive to be who i truly am. i have thought about it long and hard... the results are i am going to be pickier of who i answer email to, yes this means i will be one of those females that rarely answer email. Why? because i have found that a simple polite "no thank you" has resulted in the average of at least 3 hate mails from those i have turned down (now i know why so many do not respond). i still like replies to my profile and just because all replies are not positive does not mean i am bitter towards them. i can take and welcome constructive critcism but if you are going to be abusive or a jerk about it please ignore me and pass me by. |
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Ok the non-consentual torture of having to press the decline chat request button for 11 minutes non stop was just stupid. Geesh get a clue. i will not accept a chat request if you can't be bothered to say hi first and ask if i want to chat. Repeatedly requesting the chat is only irritating. If the chat is not accepted then why keep clicking? |
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Well i put a new photo up, nothing fancy just me. Something a bit more clear than what i had. |
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Sorry guys.. being local to me (same state) does not constitute interest on my part, afterall i have moved around a bit. Takes more than being a neighbor to catch my attention. |
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i find it totally amusing how some wannabe doms have their heads shoved so far up their asses that they feel the need to insult me simply because i decided that they are not what i am looking for.
The last one made sure to tell me that all subs my age are either married and cheating or pimping for their boyfriends for swinger sex with younger women, then became offended because i said i was neither and preferred someone with a more positive outlook towards women (me being one). Apparently according to him i am looking for someone to flatter me so that i can get laid. Well i must say i don't have a problem getting laid but it sounds as someone was turned down for a date by their own hand.
Laughs.. he says i have ego and self esteem problems, i think someone needs to go look in the mirror. He also states i look 10 years older than my picture but has never met me or seen me in real life.
i think it is so funny that he is so insecure that he has to insult me to make himself feel and supposedly look better. The problem is... us subs talk to one another... the word will only spread of how someone like this is.
He is also a hipocrit as he complains about so many women having obesity problems by the time they are 30 and personally he needs a pilot car and a sign pasted on his ass that says "wide load".
Yes i am being rather rude and obnoxious but i feel in this case it is warranted. i am tired of Doms feeling that they can be abusive to any female that turns them down. Get over yourself, you aren't all that and a bag of chips... not even stale chips. |
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Ok new rant..... Read my profile. i am sorry but it doesn't make one sound very intelligent when they are asking age, height, if i am single or anything other basic info that is already on my profile. That tells me you have looked at the pics and didn't give a damn about what i had to say (like you would read this).
Also if you refuse to answer questions please pass me by. i am not interested in someone that thinks a sub should never ask a question. i am more than willing to answer quesitons about me and expect questions answered so that i too may get to know you. i am not one to ask a bunch of personal questions but if you tell me something and i have questions about it at least expect me to ask. |
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What is up with the 'apply' thing? Is someone passing out applications?
i can see where some places that do bdsm training might require a type of application but not for the usual D/s relationship.
Does that mean a Dominant is going to choose the one he wants among the 'applicants' regardless if they are a good match or not?
This sounds ridculous to me as considering someone is a two way street. The Dominant is under just as much consideration from the submissive as the other way around. The submissive does have a say in who they submit to. Even a slave does. Granted the rules generally change after she has submitted but until then she does have a say.
Maybe i have been doing it all wrong and need to get an application for potential Doms to fill out. ~rolls her eyes~ |
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Why is it so hard for someone that just wants to feel wanted and loved to find someone? Yes i want to find that person to submit to but i want to feel as tho i mean something to that person. Money won't buy my heart. Yes financial stability is a plus... but it's not the only thing i am looking for. i know there are plenty out there that are looking to take advantage and are looking for a 'sugar daddy', but i am not one of them. i don't mind working for a living but i am not going to support a Dom, been there done that. What price would you have me put on my heart?
Telling me that what i feel or think means nothing to you tells me you are just looking for a piece of meat because if what i feel and think means nothing then i mean nothing. If you are looking for that type of sub/slave that likes to be a worthless nothing then more power to you, it's not for me.
i have nothing against whatever you are looking for but if i am not it please don't judge me as just because i am not for you does not mean i think less of you. It simply means i do not feel i am compatible with you. Insults, cheap shots, degrading language just shows me i was right in not choosing you.
i only want to please.. but i am not a piece of meat. i have feelings and thoughts. i am no looking to control anyone or make the rules. i simply want to feel valued. i know that whomever i choose will make the decisions. i hope that he will listen to my feelings, thoughts, fears, hopes then makes the decision he feels is best. i am not looking to rule... only to be treated as a human.
i have so much to give to the one that wins my heart. He doesn't realise nor will he ever realise how devoted i really will be to him. Now all i have to do is find him.
Hopefully if he ever reads my words he will understand my soul. |
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Hard limits… no minors, topping,
rimming, scat, watersports,
marriage, cutting off my hair,
breathplay, degredation, broken
bones, drugs, smoking (I don’t
mind if someone else smokes tho),
vomit, incest, disfiguring marks,
snuff and I am sure I haven’t
thought of everything possible. |
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Well i am back online and in my new place. i can occasionally be found in the chatroom here on collarme called subs_seeking_Masters. Feel free to stop by and say hello. |
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Hey i have moved so replies to email will be slow. Have patience and i will reply when i get a chance to be online. |
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Well my stalker saga continues. i have ignored any message this person has left me and now he is handing my phone number out to people. He is lieing and saying i am a Dominatrix. What a loser... why can't guys just take a polite "no" for an answer? |
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Well guys you wonder why women have a bad habit of not answering you back if they are not interested... i can tell you why from first hand experience. i met a Dom, i deicded he was not what i was looking for and now it seems that he has decided to stalk me because he has decided i am what he is looking for. Several times i have told him politely no that i am not interested in him. Unfortunately i also gave him my phone number. So i get repeated phone messages and online messages as well. i have asked him several times politely to leave me alone. Finally i asked him if i was going to have to change my phone number to get him to leave me alone... he said yes. God i hate insecure jerks that can't take a 'sorry but i am not interested'. So maybe this post will help a few understand why us women tend to ignore rather than simply say 'no thank you'. it doesn't work. ~sighs~ |
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To the male submissive, slave, switch, or what ever the hell you want to call yourself that emailed me several times.......
Do not confuse the fact that i refuse to be a doormat with being dominant. Just because i refuse to be submissive to you does not make me less of a submissive. Being put on the defensive against someone does not make me dominant either. Threatening that if i was yours that i would be in a lot of trouble for standing up for myself won't work either. First of all i would never choose someone so confused as to what role they are trying to take as a Master. What makes you think i would submit to anyone that wants me to dominate them? i know what my role is.... i know who i am... i am not confused as to what and who i am... i am secure in who i am and no you do not intimidate me.
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ok new rant.. why can't male submissives, slaves and switches learn how to read??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is absolutely NOTHING in my profile that says i want to be dominant. Nor is there anything that says i even want to try being dominant. QUIT emailing me telling me you want to give me a chance at dominating you as i have NO desire to, absolutely NONE.
Nor am i interested in a couple, a poly situation or a female dominant. i have nothing against those types... just NOT what i am looking for... sorry. |
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Ok i feel the need to respond to some that complain of no responses back to emails.
If i have already answered you in the past telling you no thank you i am not interested then i am not going to write you repeatedly and turn you down again. If you are into rejection go find someone else to satisfy that need for you, i am not interested.
If you are going to send me an email on first contact that is strictly sexual in content then don't be surprised when you don't get an answer. If you can't think with the head on your shoulders first then you are not the one for me.
If you feel the need to start barking orders without even a simple hello or getting to know me... don't be surprised when you get no response. i will not waste my time.
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Today i talked to a Dom that is an old friend. It was nice to chat with him again. He is a good friend that understands me very well. It was good to talk to someone that knows me very well. It's not often you can find someone in this world you can share your thoughts and feelings with... whine, bitch, vent, chat, joke with and have a good conversation without judging one another. Lately a few old friends have dropped in and said hello. It makes me realize how much i value their friendship. |
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Here is what a personality test said about me. i found it kind of interesting and thought i would share.
Risk Taker, High Energy, Optimistic, Seeks Variety
You are an unleashed personality. You hold nothing back and are willing to put it all on the line, act quickly and expect success. If you fail, you expect success the next time - or certainly, eventually. You also like change, because a changing environment means new opportunity, another chance or an even better mate. Too much predictability in life scares you. You don't want a partner that will hold you back, so you probably should look for someone who is a forward charging person like yourself. At the very least, not timid. |
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It amazes me now many profiles of Doms and Masters say they are looking for a sub/slave to 'use and abuse'. Excuse me if i am wrong but 'abuse' has no place in the bdsm lifestyle. Abuse is nonconsentual. Why would anyone want to be with someone who would abuse them? If one likes pain and physical torture (like me) and it's consentual and reasonably safe then it is not abuse. i would never go to anyone that would abuse me. There is a difference between hurt and harm just as there is between being masochistic and being abused. Maybe its just because i do not think along the lines of a sub or slave being a worthless piece of meat to be used, abused and thrown away. i would rather have someone who values what is theirs instead. |
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What am I looking for?
I get asked what I am looking for in a Master over and over. I had to do some thinking about that. I am looking for someone that looks at me with love in his eyes, someone who takes me into his arms knowing that is where I draw my strength from, that is where I feel safest as I listen to his heart beat and smell the maleness of him. Someone that will laugh at my childish moments, Someone that is strong enough to guide me as well as provide structure and stability in my life, not because he has to but because he knows that to help me be a better person helps me to serve him. He knows I will be devoted and loyal to him. At his feet is where I will belong. He reads me like an open book. Sometimes he will cause the tears but he will kiss them away showing me that even thru exquisit torture I have pleased him. Altho I will be a prized possession to him he will know that in my heart he is truly my Master for he will see it in my eyes.
The tools and toys of the lifestyle are just props. He knows that true domination comes from within. He does not need to boast or brag of what he knows. He is confident in who he is. He is not arrogant but assertive with a quiet presence that I can sense even when not looking at him. Just sensing him walking into the room will make me shiver with anticipation as my body responds instantly.
That is what I seek. |
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i keep getting asked what i am looking for. i am looking for the one that will take the time to win my heart, for he knows that if he has that he has all of me. |
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Well guys i would like to give you a hint... it might be elsewhere in my journal entries but just in case i will post it... Write out your words. It shows minimal intelligence and the ability to communicate clearly (something very important to me). If i have to decipher what you sent to me thru email then chances are i am not going to respond or be interested. Another thing.. my profile has a pic.. the least you can do is send one with your response out of courtesy. |
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Sometimes i wonder if it is wrong to want something so much with all of my soul. Wandering thru the mist of emails, profiles and messages leaves me wondering if what i seek is even something i can get. i wonder if i am simply chasing a dream that is not possible and only a figment of my imagination. Do i continue to wander amongst the various sites believing what i truly want is out there or should i simply admit to myself it is just a fantasy? i wonder... why am i never the one? Is there something wrong with me? i see many getting collars that only play at this lifestyle. It makes me hurt inside with a pain that is all too real. Knowing that those that act phoney seem most likely to attract someone whereas those whom are true to themselves are simply passed by because they do not wish to shout out "LOOK AT ME, this is all about ME!" Sometimes i wonder... when is it my turn? perhaps never. Sometimes i am very sad.. i have so much i wish to give someone. i am coming to terms with being alone tho. At times the loneliness gets to me and i do stupid things tho. Perhaps it is all just a fantasy afterall. |
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At times i find myself restless, wanting to go on the prowl, feeling a lack of control in my life. Sometimes it feels like every nerve in my body is screaming for the control. i feel like i need it just as much as i need food, water and shelter to live. |
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some things that i read somewhere once and kept, don't remember what site exactly but they fit very well.........
You are a Wannabe if . . . * You demand to be addressed as "Sir, Ma’am, Master, or Mistress" as a supposed sign of "respect" by any submissive, before even investing a modicum of time in getting to know the submissive. As a Dominant, you have no rights over submissive' in general, "just because" you are a Dom/me. If you feel the need to have to demand an exhibition of respect from all that approach you or that you approach, you may want to review the source of your own self-esteem and self-confidence.
You are a Wannabe if . . . * You feel that a submissive, any submissive, must obey your every "command", then you lack a fundamental understanding of Dominance. No submissive owes you immediate obedience just because she/he is submissive. Nor, for that matter, is blind, immediate "obedience" to all and sundry an indicator of a "level" submission, i.e., whether the submissive is "submissive enough".
i would also like to add.....
You are a wannabe if you think i am fool enough to give you personal information like my real name just because you said 'hello' to me... get a fucking clue....
sorry people i am just tired of the bullshit... i too am looking for someone that can be honest and sincere... i give no less and expect no less |
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Yes even a sub reaches her level of patience with the search... tonite i have reached mine... i am gonna quit looking for a while... if someone wants to contact me then i will reply but i will not approach anyone anymore. If you are interested in me you will have to chase me. i have come to the conclusion there is no one out there for me right now. i am either too far away, too masochistic, not masochistic enough, too tall, too big... too whatever... well i am who i am. Right now my give a damn is busted. It can't take any more! |
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i find meeting my physical needs is fairly easily. i don't crave sex from just anyone so that one is fairly easy to stifle most of the time. Going to play parties gives me an out for my need for pain. But no matter how i try i just can't seem to fill the need to submit to someone. Feeling someone take that control on a much deeper level is just as real of a need for me as to eat, breathe and live. It gets so bad i do not sleep well. The stronger the craving the less i am able to sleep. How does one quell a craving that is in their soul? |
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Happy New Year -- Went to a play party and had a great time. i want to thank those i played with for making my nite special. It meant a lot to me. |
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Merry Christmas everyone... this morning i was feeling a bit down but then i realised i had no reason to. Yes i am single. No significant other in my life. But i have some wonderful friends that are my second family. i am loved and have had some special people in my life.
i have a cat that loves me when the food dish is empty but then again what can you expect from a cat?
i think the biggest part of happiness comes from within. Not the presents one gets. If you can't be happy with yourself how can you expect to be happy with anyone else? Lessons in life are not always easy but if we listen and learn then we grow and become a better person. |
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After some careful consideration and serious thinking i think i have found why i have not found the person i am seeking. i have been looking for a Dominant with strong sadistic tendencies and i have come to realize that is not what i want at this point in my life. Not that there is anything wrong the the strong sadistic type, they make it hurt oh so good. But, at this time in my life i am looking for more of the Daddy Dom type. i need that sense of nurturing. i need to be held. i want to let the little girl side of me out so much. i feel very vunerable at these times and have protected this side from anyone i have been with, but i feel i have grown to a point to where it's not all about pain for me anymore. i need to have that emotional attachment, to be able to let the little girl side out. To be able to do this is more difficult for me than accepting and even enjoying pain. i think i understand more of what i need now. Wish me luck. |
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Dom/mes... take a hint... i am not going to obey orders from you just because you are Dominant. Try a little common courtesy and say hi before trying to toss out orders. Showing you have manners goes a long ways. Anyone can act like a jerk. |
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Well i finally have my answer as to why some do not return answers to emails. If i find the email to be rude, obnoxious or stupid to me i am not going to answer it. Why should i waste my time? Also if you have not taken the time to read my profile, at least the basics why should i bother to return an email? If you are copy and pasting the same email to every sub on the site you will not be answered either... yes us subs do talk amongst ourselves and some of us know others on this site real time. |
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ok rant of the day... why does someone put you on their list as admiring you and block you? Apparently they don't admire you that much if they do not wish to even get a hello from you. i guess that is just my luck with Utah Doms. So far guys here in Utah have left me wondering and seriously considering Doms from other states. Most don't seem to grasp the thought of getting to know someone and build trust first. They want to have sex right away and play. i don't know about other subs, but personally if i am going to put my life into another's hands i want to know i am safe. |
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please do not contact me with the line... "Do you think you are worthy enough to be considered for my collar?" ... because you will get the reply... "Are you worthy enough to be my Master and if so what makes you think this? What experience do you have in real time? Why should i consider you over someone else?"... being worthy is a two way street. Those who are like that that have contacted me usually have very little real time experience or are preying on the newbies that have no idea what it is all about. If that is what you are looking for pass me by, i will not be offended by not being owned by someone like that. One does not have to be a jerk to be a Dominant. |
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i hate craving the pain and domination as i have this morning. i wake up trembling and every nerve in my body screaming with need only to realise i am alone and there is no one to fill that need. No one to submit to. No one to beg or plead to. i suffer in silence, sitting here trembling. How does one stifle a need so strong? How does one convince thier body not to crave something so strong? Every nerve in my body is screaming for someone to grab me by my hair, drag me into the bedroom, beat me until i am screaming for mercy, then use me until we are both satiated. Until i feel like i am lying in a puddle no longer able to move, my brain foggy with pain and pleasure, every muscle in my body sore as i whimper in pain when i move, smiling with happiness knowing i have pleased him, feeling his breath on my neck as he holds me close afterwards, his voice velvety soft as he slowly brings be out of subspace, hearing his heartbeat as his strong arms are wrapped around me keeping me safe... this is what i crave with all my being. |
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what submission means to me..... it means being able to trust someone with my heart not just my body, it is the smile on my face in the morning as i slowly move sore muscles, the fondness that touches not only my smile but my soul as i see him sleeping, the ache deep within to please him, belonging to him with all of who i am, sometimes it means doing things i don't want to without question or hesitation, mostly it means wanting to please, needing his touch, the look he gives me that makes me melt into a puddle knowing that the pain will be as exquist as the pleasure but in the end the bond will be even stronger |
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i find it very irritating that some that i have contacted me since i have become uncollared immediately assume that i have done something wrong. The parting was mutual. We still care about each other and are still friends, that is all you need to know without taking the time to get to know me first. |
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Some days it feels like a part of you has died and your soul has been ripped to shreds. Life goes on and sometimes you wonder why. The rest of the time you simply try to deal with the pain. You stop and wonder if you should even try again. Am i forever meant to be alone? Only time will tell. |
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i received another email from a Dominant regarding me sending out nude pics. One that also said if my Master does not allow me to chat with others i should leave him. .. this is my reply which i would like to share with you all.
As far as any Master asking for a nude photo or not i feel it is wrong for them to ask for one since i am collared. my Master allows me to chat with whomever i want. i have no reason to leave him nor would i even consider another Master at this time.
For any Dominant to 'actively' approach a collared submissive is considered an extreme breach of protocol and it should be noted that such action can have serious negative impact on that Dominant's real life reputation. The traditions of our community should be given the same honor, dignity and respect of any other. Those that actively diminish or devalue what is precious to us should be aware that such diminishment identifies you as being external to our community or a parasite upon it. If you are one of those then perhaps you should return to your sorry world where honor is nonexistent, honesty impossible to find and trust is just a word in the dictionary.
If they are going to insist i send nudes or that i leave my Master because of some rule he has made it only shows me they know nothing and need to go back and learn some more of what the lifestyle is about.
If i choose not to chat with someone it is usually because they have shown me a lack of respect. Yes slaves do deserve respect too. Many dominants have not figured out that just because one is a slave does not mean they are "their" slaves. |
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i got an interesting email today. Someone told me that my Master should require me to post naked pics. This type of email immediately tells me that the person is only looking for free porn to wank off to. i found it interesting that he would even consider trying to tell me what my Master should or shouldn't do. i guess i am still a troll magnent. |
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i have recently been collared and have recieved some interesting messages. Most have been along the lines of... is your new Master planning on sharing you? Well first off i don't think he plans on sharing me with just anyone even if my butt is hard to mark. Second of all perhaps you should contact him and ask him. Thirdly, i am extremely happy with whom i chose and have no desire to wander so don't ask. Asking a collared sub to wander shows you are just a parasite on this lifestyle and need to get a clue. Go troll someone else.
i find it interesting that those i have chatted with for a long time and felt that i had established some friendship fall into two categories. Some are still friends. Others chose to just say contact me if you become uncollared. Why would i want to contact someone that could not remain a friend? It shows me that the interest that person had in me probably was not genuine.
To me this lifestyle is about more than just play. The friendships is what helps us grow and become better people. |
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Thank you to everyone that has considered me. i appreciate the consideration and i have made many friends. i am now collared to someone i have been seeing for a while now. He likes my playful side and that is important to me. |
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i am in another one of those moods... the i just want to get beat moods. It is not the pain i am craving. i do not know where these moods come from, i wish i did so i could control them better. When in these moods i am careful not to play as it is not play i seek. Maybe it is the control i am really seeking, i am not sure. It's more of a darker contemplative mood with a physical twist. |
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After almost 2 weeks of non-consentual pain (toothaches and muscle spasms in my jaw) and a semi consentual medical scene (trip to the dentist) i am finally back to my ol self. i appologise if i have come across short with anyone during this time. i have learned that when in severe pain this way it does not matter how much of a masochist one is... it just flat hurts. |
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i find it amusing that so many think i should be a dominant simply because i choose not to submit to them with a simple hello. Yes i am a submissive... but not to just anyone. What would the value of my submission be if i gave it to anyone that thought they deserved it just because they learned how to cap their nick or put a title to their nick? Yes i am picky. No i will not submit to just anyone. i will not even act submissive to someone just because they are dominant. One has to earn my respect first. Until i submit to you we are on equal grounds. Just two people looking for a partner or someone to explore this lifetsyle with. If you have a problem with me wanting to be treated as a person then keep on trucking and look elsewhere. i am not baffled by the glamour and glitz of wanting to submit only in the bedroom on a part time basis as many new subs are. i am not new to the lifestyle. If you are not ready to take control and make the decisions outside of the bedroom do not contact me. i am a slave.. all the time... not just when its convienent to you. i require rules, guidance and structure. Yes i will test boundaries, but simply so i know where they are, not to be disrespectful. If you do not want a slave that likes pain then look elsewhere. i know my needs and part of those needs is pain. i have found many want a slave, few know what to actually do with one after they have one. A slave is not a disposable piece of meat as some tend to think. They are someone that if treated right will devote their life to you. slaves live to please, they need it not just want it. So if you call yourself a Master stop and think... are you truly ready for that responsibility? or are you just putting a title to your nick? The slave WILL know. |
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For those of you that keep asking me... no i am not interested in having an online Master. Somehow the sting online just isn't the same as it is in real time. Also i am no way interested in self torture. |
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Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and
think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?
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>BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK !!!
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sighs.. i am very disappointed in the Doms that have contacted me from this state. Most seem to not have a clue how to approach a submissive. Being an asshole does not equate to being Dominant. You approach me like a jerk and you are not going to see my nice side. Using manners when contacting someone is a good thing. i guess since Utah is such a repressed state anyway i should not be surprised. i had hoped that the ones searching in this lifestyle would have a clue but i think i am wrong. i am surprised how most do not even read my profile completely before contacting me. They see "slave" and start thinking with the small head. For once i would love for a Dom to show genuine interest and act like a person who is secure in who they are and confident. Also... what is up with the petty insults? Why can't most be man enough to just leave well enough alone when i say i am not interested? Does it make you feel more like a man to abuse a submissive online when she says she is not interested in you? Are you so insecure that you can't take a simple "no i am not interested."? i think if someone is that insecure they need to rethink trying to own another person. For those here in Utah... i have one thing to say... loosen your underwear and don't be so uptight. |
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Ok i am venting again. Guys do not contact me if you are unwilling to send a pic. Especially if the conversation has gone far enough that you want to meet me r/t. If you want to meet me but can't 'trust' me to see your pic first then i am NOT interested. If you are so insecure that you think you have to meet me secretly then get a clue and leave me alone. i like confident assertive men... not ones that feel they have to hide who they are. That does not mean they have to be "out" with their lifestyle choice but it does mean that you aren't goning to hide from me. What do you plan on doing? Have a relationship where when we meet you are always wearing a mask or i am blindfolded? Not gonna happen. Go get a reality check.
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i have decided to stay in Utah. i will miss California and will visit there. |
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i also wanted to reflect on a conversation i had this morning with someone. The feedback he gave me was that my journal postings showed a bit of an attitude but he found them honest and it was refreshing. i reread them and yes they do show a bit of an attitude. Mostly because here is my place to vent about the lifestyle and discuss it with others. No i am not perfect and yes i like the feedback wether it be positive or negative. It is a learning experience for me. When i post about things that make me angry it has not been about any of the feedback i have recieved from my journal entries... but instead it has been about the way i am approached by others or things i see that i find interesting or feel need discussion. This is my way of letting people get to know me. You get to see how i think. What things set me off. You get to see that i will say what i think honestly. i am not dumb or stupid, i am not a man hater but instead i like to be able to talk openly with people. Few can actually handle it tho. i have a zest for life, i am very passionate about it, i am not one to sit by and let life pass me by. i want to get into every nook and cranny... and yes that means i get in trouble at times... my curiosity gets the better of me... but that in no way does not mean i am not a loyal and devoted slave when owned. i am a slave on the loose, wandering a bit because in some ways i feel lost, but that has not changed who i am inside. |
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ok some people need to learn how to spell.... i can understand if english is not their native language.... i can even understand a few typos but if english is your native language and it takes me forever to try and decipher what you are writing then perhaps you should look into spellcheckers. Being able to spell is an important part of comunication online... hint hint.
The other thing that is my pet peeve of the day is Dominants that insult you when they contact you... you reply because you are pissed and state your point and they get pissed because you contacted them. If you send me an email first... expect one back... if you are going to be rude to me on first contact don't expect me to be nice or kiss your ass... i am a slave not a doormat. Don't assume the person you are contacting is a newbie. No i don't have my experience listed here... what i have done or haven't done is not important to me as whomever i choose i wish to explore life with. Bragging to me how many years experience one has does not impress me... how you act and portray yourself does. Actions speak much louder than words.
~The speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound, that is why some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak.~ |
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i am very honest and upfront about how i feel. i find that some cannot deal with this. They feel a sub/slave acting this way at first is rude or not a submissive. Well how else am i supposed to be? To me, being honest and straight forward is very important. If i can't be honest and straight forward with someone to let them know what my needs, wants and desires are then why bother to try and build a relationship?
Another thing i hate is when people send me form letters or copies of their profiles as an email. A form letter simply tells me you are trolling every female on the site and nothing about me caught your attention... i am just one of the many. Sending a copy of your profile just tells me you don't think i know how to click a button that says "view profile". No i am not stupid... far from it in fact.
guess i should list some of my nilla interests too so people get some idea of what i like to do... i like motorcycles (want to learn how to ride one), drawing, swimming, sunbathing, listening to music, horeseback riding, chatting, camping, cooking, reading and just about any thing that catches my attention. i like to explore life and try new things. Life is too short not to enjoy... after all no one gets out alive.
OH and i suffer from LBST (Low Bull Shit Tolerance) so don't try to baffle me with bullshit, i am not interested. |
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Visiting friends in Utah right now. i am enjoying my time here. Pondering getting my nipples repierced. Will have to see how things go in that department... will post an update. |
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sorry guys... i am not into poly... i don't mind multiple play partners tho. i just have never been in a poly situation that worked out... and for once i would like to be the one that is special in someone's life... not just one of the many. |
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It looks like my journal postings are getting quite the following. Well people i only post here because it helps me with the feedback you all give. i was once asked what i expected from this site. i said "nothing". i thought about it some more as i was painting today (good time to let my mind wander) and i realised how true that was... i really do not expect anything from this site. Why?... because i do not believe that any website or computer program is capable of choosing a partner for me. They can recommend someone based on answers of questions and responses to checklists on some sites but they cannot tell you if you are going to have any chemistry with the person they are recommending. Granted maybe the computer would have better luck than i would but somehow i doubt it. i tried going by what the computer recommended once.. i have a thing for tall dominant men... it recommended a short, sub guy that was gay... hhmmm nope somehow i don't think i will leave it up to the computer i will keep looking on my own. |
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someone asked me why i have moved around so much.... well partially because i have friends/family in the areas i have moved. i have also on occasion moved near a potential Master to see how things would go. That went over like a lead balloon... we had met real time prior to me moving closer and he said i was the perfect slave for him and that he wanted me... i quit my job... moved to be closer at his encouragement.... to my surprise once i got to where i lived in the same area suddenly no contact anymore... i am tired of losers and relocating is becoming less of an option as i get treated this way... i did my best to make myself available... and moved at my own expense... i made sure he had my phone number which was local to him... did he ever call?... no... eventually he did email me and told me he found another sub and how did i feel about that?... hhmm how does he think i felt?... he never bothered to contact me... he couldn't even drop a few coins in a pay phone to say hello... well i hope she makes him happy... my search continues |
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well i had a very entertaining morning... because i refused to play right off without even meeting and getting to know them first they became offended. Apparently they feel insulting me then blocking me is effective. Well it just lets me know they are not really a dominant but instead just another predator and phoney wannabe. i read all the stuff here from guys about women being phoney... well you should read the stuff i get. i get maybe one sincere email to about 30 wannabes that think i am some newbie or clueless idiot that will jump at any order they think they can give. They also seem to think that i will let them beat and f*ck me without even knowing who they are. Most without even sending a pic. Am i impressed? Not at all. i think some Doms need to get a clue themselves... they need to realize it is not only the slave that is under consideration but also the Dom is under consideration from the slave. If he does not show her she can trust him then she is a fool to meet him much less play with him. If someone is gonna get me in cuffs it will be because i trust that person with my life. Do i need to go to that extreme? Yes. After all once i am bound my life is literally in their hands... not even safewords will save someone if the other person does not respect their limits and ablilities. And unfortunately accidents do happen too. So.... Don't send me an email if you are looking for someone to tie up, beat and f*ck without taking the time to get to know them. Yes i am just like the guys... i too want a pic to see who i am talking to. Besides if you can't show me your face how can i trust you? Think about it. |
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hhmmm how come the ones i have served in the past never keep me but always want me back and say i am hard to replace?... i find it confusing... if i was such a good slave why did they not keep me?... maybe one of these days i will figure it out but somehow i doubt it. |
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today is one of those days where i just want to say 'beat me'.... sighs... oh well... guess i will just have to wait. |
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i keep seeing profiles asking for 'real' subs and slaves. i wonder what 'real' means to that person. Each seems to have a different definition as to what 'real' is. Personally i think it would be more descriptive to actually put what one feels is a 'real' sub/slave to them. From what i have read 'real' can be anything from a princess type to a piece of meat. Yes i agree there are lots of people out there that act fake, but what is fake and what is real is personal perception i am begining to think. There are no hard and fast definitions. Oh well i guess i stay confused and keep reading profiles.. some with amusement. |
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i am headed out of Boise soon. i am headed back south to southern california in a couple of days. i am looking forward to going back to where it is warm. |
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So far i have met a few people in Boise. Some of the experiences have been good and some not so good but i am determined to keep looking and not let the search get me down. |
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i have been reading several profiles. i have noticed that several people complain aobut people not returning email. In fact they are downright rude about it. i do try to return all emails i get but my thoughts are why would someone want to return an email if they are not interested? When you get stuff you are not interested in the mail you simply throw it away, sometimes without reading. Is it so hard to admit that someone may not be interested in you? Often i have sent out emails to Doms and have recieved no response. Do i go off the deep end about it? NO, i simply decide that perhaps they are not interested and move on. To me ranting and raving about it all in one's profile shows a lack of self control. If they can't accept a lack of interest from someone then why broadcast they can't take "NO" even if it is insinutated. i can understand the frustration of the search as i feel it too. Complain in forums, chat rooms and even in the journal area instead of the profile. It might just help your search. |
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Well i have wandered around a bit. Tried reconciling with a former Master but that didn't work. i am going to take a break and just see what life hands out for a while and not seriously look for anyone. If someone catches my attention then maybe i will change my mind, but for now i will just lurk a bit. |
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Lately i have been contemplating life. Trying to figure out where and what i am supposed to do. i feel lost and alone most of the time. How do i move on when i feel like i have no direction in life? i have found that without someone to serve i feel in complete. Sometimes i wonder if it is wrong to feel this way. i realise it is my nature and i need to serve with all my being. i need to feel like i belong to someone somewhere. i realised that i am most happy when owned. i enjoy doing the little things to make him happy. Being alone is hard for me, i feel incomplete. i feel a sense of sadness deep within me.
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After some consideration and trying to decide where i wanted to be i have moved to idaho. A part of me will always be in vegas tho. A new chapter of my life starts. i have no idea where it will lead me. One of these days i will find the One that will curb the wandering and give me a sense of belonging somewhere. Maybe even tame the wild streak inside of me some. |
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Feeling kind of lost and alone. Trying to figure out what i want out of life. Some days are better than others but the holiday season i think is the hardest. |
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i think the hardest part is the evenings, times when the need to be held and touched are strongest. Wondering if i will ever find the one for me. Sometimes i wonder if i am destined to be alone. Learning to be on my own is not easy but i think it is a necessary lesson. i have learned that i like who i am. i have enjoyed some interesting conversations with several people on this site. If nothing more happens than finding a few friends it was worth the effort to put a profile here. |
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i recieved a very interesting email from a female dominant... it was just the smiling glaring with the middle fingers up. i hope she is proud of herself as only a fool is offended by someone such as myself saying they are not interested in something. i have a right to say what i do and do not like. i think it is childish for those to send me insulting emails because i am honest and forthright enough to say what i want and what i am interested in. i only hope that she and the others grow up and learn that their insults mean nothing to me. i am secure enough in who i am to pitty them rather than become angry. If they can't control their own anger then how do they expect to control another? i guess i get to check out the block features of this program. |
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After a difficult trip out of town i would like to send a special thanks to some of the Snake River Harley guys for looking out for me, you know who you are. It's nice to know there are still honorable people out there. i won't go into the details of why i needed the protection.... just that it is much appreciated. |
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i have enjoyed chatting with several people from this site. Many have been friendly and supportive. i like having a good conversation with people of my own kind (the kinky kind). It makes the search easier because when ever one searches they have the chance to also meet some wonderful friends. i cherish my friends whether they be real time or online ones. The search continues but not with a heavy heart. |
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i had a misunderstanding with a Dom online tonight. i had misunderstood what he said and what he meant by what he said. When i stood up for myself he became abusive with his language. i thought about it for a bit and wondered why someone could not discuss the misunderstanding like an adult instead of like a child throwing a fit. i found it surprising. If someone cannot control their temper and quit acting like a spoilt child how do they expect to control another? If they will not listen to reason when someone misunderstands what they mean how do they intend on communicating to anyone? i found the reaction very immature to say the least. The language was abusive and he thought he would insult me by calling me a wannabe. Well if being a wannabe means i want clarification when i dont' understand something then i guess he is right. One thing i do know tho is how to use the ignore button. i don't need abuse from anyone. It surprised me that he told me to leave this site because according to his guidelines i am not serious about this lifestyle. Anyone who knows me knows how serious i really am about living this lifestyle. i have no anger toward him, in fact i pity him. So i guess the search continues and i should look for someone better at communicating and controlling their temper when a sub wants clarification. |
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Sometimes i wonder if there are any sane Doms/Masters out there that are looking for someone that is more than just a sex toy or someone to bring in a wage to support them. If there is i have had no luck finding them. I seem to get quite a few couples that are interested in a slave to be their maid and babysitter. That does not interest me either. Is it too much to want to find someone i can devote myself to without being taken advantage of unfairly? i would also appreciate someone that would at least take my wants, needs, desires and dreams into consideration. Yes i do know as a slave or sub i do not come first. i am not wanting to, but in the same sense i do not want to be just a piece of meat. i guess i am just going about this all wrong so i am just going to sit back and see what happens. |
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i have recieved some good feedback regarding my journal postings. i would like to thank those that take the time to read them. i post here so that others can get to know me and how i think. i am not out to slam anyone. i have enjoyed the feedback as it lets me know what others think. i like to chat and sometimes it is a way to start a good conversation. Overall i have enjoyed this site, whether i find someone or not is yet to be seen... only time will tell. |
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After a little researching i have noticed that when i tell someone they have a nice profile and i like what they had to say they immediately assume i am trolling them as a prospective Master. Why can't people take things as you mean them...simply as i like what you had to say? If i was interested in someone as a Master i would continue the conversation beyond just an email. I see lots of profiles where people (Dom and subs both) complain about no one answering emails they send out. What ever happened to common courtesy? personally i feel that saying i like someone's profile is a far cry from "wanna fuck" or "be my Master".
i am far more interested in a forever friend than a one nite play partner therefore just because i say hello or that i like your profile does not mean i am hustling you as a "prospective" Master.
i guess being friendly or trying to make friends in the lifestyle seems to be above most. No i am not the sweet, sophisticated, brain-dead barbie doll type and if you choose to judge me as a possible friend by photo alone then you are pretty shallow. i don't pretend to be perfect in any way. i guess i am just too outspoken.
i am just looking for someone that can look beyond the wrapping and into the soul. i am happy with who i am and secure enough to be alone for now. Eventually the right person will come along. On the way i will cherish every friend i make. |
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Ok what is up with the "message me NOW!!!" that some Doms have in their profiles? Do they really think subs find that attractive? Do they reall think that because they have found the caps key and issue orders to just anyone that i will actually respond directly to them? Do i look that gullible?
If i do then i really really need to change my pic and it must look dorkier than i originally thought.
Hey guys... it's not all about just what YOU want. subs have needs/wants/desires too. Why not take a new approach and actually ask them what they like/want/desire? i know that is a backward approach but to me a Dominant that realises that a sub is human too is what attracts me. Just because i do not put my needs/wants/desires first does not mean i don't want them acknowledged.
Even a sub/slave likes to know they are appreciated and wanted.
sighs... misses the soft touch, kind word then the sharp sting of erotic pain as senses soar |
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Worked on my profile again today. It is sounding better finally.
i have had some nice emails already. For the most part this seems like a good site. i wonder why some feel the need to immediately give orders as a hello tho. Do they not think that it takes time to get to know someone before they start throwing out orders?
Mastery is not about an automatic blank cheque to gratify all of One’s desires. The submissive has needs and wants too. If she does not feel that her needs will be met she will chose another. Ignoring her profile and telling her right away that "she will" , "she won't" and "I want" is a big turn off. It shows her that you did not bother to read her profile or even consider her needs, likes or wants.
As a submissive i put my Dominant's needs, wants and desires above my own. But, that does not mean i want to be ignored or have my needs ignored. In my opinion a good Dominant for me will take the time to explore the similar needs, wants and desires. Not simply just state what he wants and say that is all.
Saying you want to be my Master without even getting to know me lets me know that just any piece of meat will work... so in my opinion.. go get a steak... i am not it. i want to be with someone i can devote myself to, not be with someone who choses just anyone off the buffet of wannabes. |
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Ok after a few hours of trying to figure out what i wanted to say on my profile i think i have it part way figured out.
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Just signed up today. A good friend recommended this site. Looking forward to meeting others. |
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