closing her eyes.....fear...anxiety....hunger....she is safe in His hands.....she can let go and He will catch her when she falls.....bound....by leather and His love...His whispered words...silent commands....yet...never before has she felt so free.....the silence is almost deafening as she awaits the first strike...the kiss of the leather evokes trembling from deep within...the awe of uncertainty at finally finding what she has sought for so long....steadfast...does she let go altogether....is it true or just a dream.....for never in her dreams had it felt so profound....giving life to one who has run autopilot for so many years....she is lost...there is no time or place anymore...only she and He....cascading through...spinning....soaring higher and higher she goes....she is so far away and yet she knows He is close....she can feel it in her core....she opens her eyes and nothing computes....there is no sense...no rhyme or reason in where she is....only release....freedom from demons within....sating a hunger of starvation......filling her.....making her quiver in fear at being torn down...stripped to the raw vulnerable true self....only to hold her delicately...stroke her soul....*show* her...that she is safe..protected here....hate torment pain destruction do not exist here....overwhelming relief....gratitude....collapse her....she blinks her eyes open to Him gently stroking her soul...soothing her...His hand upon her cheek and she has to wonder.....if there is a God...surely this is Him

~*~ spinning 'round and 'round...lost....alone...confused...waves of
darkness crashing all around me...carrying me ever deeper into the
night.....spray from this ocean of melancholy tears at my trembling
flesh....listen closely...hear the muted whimpers of my heart begging for pain to end the torment inside...praying for the night winds to come and slice over me with a thousand little spines....~*

~*~holding my heart out to him, cupped in my hands...lashes drawn
closed to mask the hurt inside...somehow the tears escape
nonetheless,raining down over me...please,wash me away. deafened by my own whispered apologies...chip by chip and brick by brick let the walls come down...open and raw..completely vulnerable~*~

Please...
love all of me...even those parts of me deep within that may be
cracked, broken, bruised..afraid

Please...
hold my hand and guide me

Please...
i may stumble sometimes.....if i fall....give me your hand

Please....
teach me

Please...
learn from me

Please...
let me love you, take care of you, soothe you, please you

Please...
feed me...mentally

Please...
beat me...give me that gift...of your pain...let me take it...and in return give you the gift of my release...my tears

Please...
don't let go....in times of frustration, try to remember that i love
you and that i put that first in all that i do

Please...
remember that i am but a girl

Please...
love me.....all of me.

Pain...

its like that cliched long lost friend,
air when you're gasping for breath,
finally a fix for a crack addict

the need for it is an all consuming hunger,
overwhelming grief you cant overcome,
a fuel fed raging inferno

the line between hurt and harm blurs,
or simply becomes irrelevant
a parched man in the middle of the ocean knows salt water will only further his thirst, but the cold wet feels so good going down it just doesnt matter anymore

~*~ she lifts her head·uncurling from a protective ball and she stands·alone·.dark clouds in her eyes as they narrow·.slender arms sliding up her torso to high above her·beckoning·..a fierce wind howling·.torrents of rain streaming down her face·washing away the layers of cloak once pulled tight in caution·.baring her soul·.quivering..fighting to be brave·.whispers, screamed from unmasked gems, swirl around her·calling for Him to hear her·..see her·.see beyond and through her·.see the naked trembling soul she offers up·only to possess or to slay·not pass by ~*~