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Pan Transgender Submissive, 49,  St paul, Minnesota
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tgdiane

tgdiane - photo 1

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ClarissaDomCD

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Thank you for viewing my profile.



My interest in BDSM and Ds has been with me my whole life. Growing up as a boy, I was always shy and wished the gender roles were reversed so that it was girls who asked boys out. In time I learned it was a natural submissive tendency and was more comfortable following the lead of a dominant in a relationship.



As I began to mature, my interests gravitated towards BDSM activities. After college I had to figure this out. I became active in the lifestyle in 1991 and quickly discovered it was a part of the core of my being.



I have met many wonderful people during my journey in the lifestyle. I was fortunate enough to a Mistress to serve within a few years of actively pursuing the lifestyle. I served has her slave for five wonderful years and learned so much about myself and the lifestyle. I quickly become a part of her household with my primary duties being domestic nature. I cleaned the house, ran errands and did much of the shopping. I also assisted with some of the paper work for her business.



She dressed me for the first time and something inside me clicked. It felt so natural to express myself in the feminine. I soon was serving her and interacting in the community exclusively in the feminine perspective. Although biologically male, this feminine side of me really manifests much of whom and what I am. When I am serving in my femme persona I feel a connection to my core essence.



I am opening to find a person or household to continue my journey in the lifestyle. I am open to explore the specific nature of this relationship. Be it a Dominant looking for a submissive partner, a couple seeking to open the heart and homes to a third or a leather family seeking who seek another (or a first). I have been involved with couples a few times and feel I have a very good temperament for polyamory.



I am most comfortable in being in Ds relationships. I find it a natural interpersonal dynamic to share with someone. I find it difficult to shift into a submissive mode with someone I also share an egalitarian relationship with. I do enjoy relationships which share a breadth of expression and good communication. I do think such things can be build on a Ds foundation.



I have met some wonderful people though collarme. Most recently I served a wonderful Dominant though much of 2008 and 2009. She accepted me as her femme slave and opened her home for me to serve in. She lived across the county and I would fly out every 6 weeks or so and stay for 8-10 days. I serve primarily as the household maid, taking care of all the cleaning and much of the cooking for the family.



Although someone in my area would be ideal I am open to exploring opportunities with people who live some distance away. If you are someone who is interested in taking time to build a real relationship and would enjoy some who could visit every 6-8 weeks for 8-10 days, then I may be a good fit. In time relocation my be possibility if a strong and fulfilling relationship is created.Thank you for your time.diane


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 tgdiane

 Submissive Transgender

 St paul 

 Minnesota

 Willing to Relocate

 5' 9"

 160 lbs

 49

 Pan

 Caucasian

 09/14/05

 

Actively Seeking:

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Journal Entries:
6/22/2012 9:49:24 AM

Back in Chastity:

On Memorial Day I was locked back into chastity. It came as a bit of a surprise. The person who holds the key is someone whom I have had a long relationship to. It is the personal I had my first true D/s relationship with 18 years ago. The formal D/s part of our relationship ended after 5 years, but, we always remained close and have been best friends for many years. Although not in a formal D/s relationship there has always been a defernence which I have paid towards her.

Amanda was seeking to reinvigorate her dominant side and we have a very natural positive D/s energetic that we have always shared. It is a win-win proposition in that she has a poisitive focus to regenerate her dominance and I gain a guiding hand and focus for my submissive self. It is not without some risks. I had done some service with a woman whom I was friends with first. This really didn't work out well as it was hard to try submit to someone who I really had an egalitarian relationship to. In all of my successful D/s interactions the realtionship had been build on a D/s foundation rather than an egalitarian one. This has always made the submission natural and real. A D/s overlay of an egalitarian realtionship had always felt more like role-play than reality. With Amanda it had always been a little different as we had a friendship which overlay a D/s foundation. Only time will tell how this reversal will work out.

One thing I have not been keeping up on is donating blood. The one way I can gain release is to now donate blood. This will allow me to earn a release every 6 weeks. This creates a powerful incentive for me to keep up on my donations.

The chastity itself is a CB3000. I have a lock through my Prince Albert piercing which keep me firmly in place (no pulling out with this lock in place). The lock itself is one I purchased from Lustschloss. Amanda also has personalized padlocks she uses. They have her initials engraved on them and No Escape engraved on the other side. Together the chastity is truly escape proof.


10/13/2009 9:18:22 AM

Two Years of Chastity

This is a little bit about my experience with chastity.  My service to Miss B in Oregon recently ended (August 31) after nearly two years and I have had a little time to reflect on my experiences.  I loved being in service to her and adored her and her family.  I had hoped to be able to serve her a long time but some changes in her personal life made her decide to release me from my obligation to her.

I served her over a 20 month period, visited her 10 times for a total of 84 days.  These are mere numbers as her control my connection to her was something I felt everyday.  It does provide a glimpse of what I think can be a sustained relationship with someone who lives a great distance away (Minnesota to Oregon).  I contacted her daily as was her direction.  This gave me a touchstone and anchor to our connection.

My time with Miss in Oregon came shortly (10 weeks) after serving Ms Lesa for 4 month over the summer of 2007.  I had visited her 6 times for 40 days.  This too was a wonderful experience but one I did not feel was sustainable for me.

There are many aspect of my service I would be happy to share.  Both pretty much say me as their femme slave and I was to present myself as diane 24/7 while with them.  My primary function was domestic and I spent the day taking care of the home.  Most days I would get up in the morning shower and get myself made up and dress.  I would begin cleaning up the house by mid morning and work pretty steadily though the day.  I purchased several utilitarian maid uniforms for performing my daily duties of cleaning, cooking, laundry and such. I was allowed to slip into more comfy clothes in the evening and relax when my cleaning duties were complete (usually after cleaning all the dinner dishes around 7 or 8 pm).  During the evening Miss would have me massage her feet while watching a movie or reading a book.  At night I was usually locked in the cage each had for their slave.

One thing both these wonderful woman had in common was a desire that I be in chastity.  They both used it in a similar fashion.  I was locked up in chastity when I would leave their home.  In general I was released again when I returned; sometime right away and other time after a day or two.  Ms Lesa once kept me in chastity nearly the whole visit releasing me to clean on my last day.  I spent 622 days in chastity of the 714 days I served them.  My time out of chastity was when at their home when they had more direct control.    Miss told me she like the chastity to provide a reward and inducement for a speedy return.

Although I have long had a fascination with chastity I never imagined getting into such a situation where I would endure it for such long periods of time.  Being in chastity was a constant reminder of their control and my belonging to them.  The firm grasp of the chastity made sure they were never far from my thoughts.  Every time I sit I would have to account for the chastity.  I had to sit to use the bathroom and make sure it was wiped clean.  The chastity always focus my thoughts as I was going to bed.  It was the one time of day when my mind was not filled with all the things to do and I could ponder my condition.  Before being in chastity it is the time I would most often masturbate.  I like how it made me feel connected and in their control.

I am active in the local community and the chastity was seen by other that I was owned.  Although Miss allowed me to serve and interact with other in the community most were uncomfortable with the fact I was locked in chastity.

I was not quite prepared for the overhang of unfulfilled need after 6-8 weeks of being away.  I tend to be happiest when I have balance in my life.  Long periods of deprivation tend to make me anxious.  I am not able to give my best service when in this state.  I think there is mythology around a male being unruly or unresponsive to the Mistress desires after they have orgasm.  This may be true for a non-submissive male who is just trying to “get some”.  For me, being allowed to feel pleasure or an orgasm makes me want to return this pleasure 10 fold.  When I am happy and satisfied I want nothing more than to serve for the pleasure of Miss.  It energizes my service when I have found some physical fulfillment.

When this long period of denial was balance with a period of plenty while visiting things worked really well.  I enjoyed surrendering the control and enduring for Miss.  The long denial makes that moment of fulfillment all the more sweet.  The release focuses and energizes my whole being to serve.  It feels like coming into the sun after a long period of darkness.  It warms you to your very core.

From time to time things would be busy and we would not engage in any BDSM until the very end.   These were the hardest visits as the overhang of denial would permeate service.  I am never one to make any demands or even requests for relief.  It is Miss’s alone to decide.  I always perform my duties as best as I am able.  I only communicate this as a way to inform someone of how to get the best from me.

Being in chastity while 1000 miles away does present some challenges.  We did create a system of managing keys.  Miss had one set and another was sent with me in a sealed envelope.  I was not permitted to every control the keys.  If I was to be gone for a long time, Miss provided that I may be released by means of a friend.  I have had a long association Dominant (who I served as a slave for 5 years when I first come into the lifestyle and now someone I consider my best friend).  Being a lifestyle person she is happy to assist with my chastity predicament and unlock me so I may clean do a good cleaning of the chastity when needed.  Usually this is best after 3-4 weeks of constant wear.  She will then reseal and sign the envelope.  I must return a signed envelop to Miss.  The only emergency I have had in this time is when the CB 3000 started to split along its seam and was pinch the tender bits badly.  Luckily I had a back up CB to change into.  I receive Miss’s permission to unlock it and change the CB.  My housemate Michael was more than happy to sign the envelop once resealed (complete with date and time…  its nice living in a lifestyle friend house where they are overly enthusiastic to put you in a predicament).  I also got a relater lock box which I used with Ms Lesa but Miss didn’t feel was necessary.  She knew I would be obedient and honor the system.  She would have clear evidence if I hadn’t and that would break our trust. 


9/23/2009 3:50:57 PM
I had a very good trip in July.  There had been some recent changes in Miss's household which have prevented her from being the owner she desires to be.  She released me at the end of August.  One of the things I cherished about her was her integrety.  It came through when she decided to act in a manner she though best for me.  I truly loved serving and visiting her.  I hope things might work out yet must honor her decision as I always have. 

7/4/2009 2:42:46 PM

I just made it back to Oregon.  It has been 64 days since I departed from my last visit.  One of the longer stretches locked up in chastity away from Miss.  This time was the most challenge stretches.  It was unclear when I would get out here early on.  I usually have a trip set by the time I am finishing my previous one.  There were some things going on which made it a bit up in the air as to when I may be able to return.  I worried I may to get back until September which was depressing.   Miss had to move during my absence which was hard.  I was not able to schedule a return to help which I would like to have been able to do and it put us out of communication for a while. 


4/24/2009 2:22:00 PM
On my way to visit Miss for ten days.  I am looking forward to being there as part of the household again.  Serving there for many days allows me to immerse myself in the service lifestyle.  Miss is a wonderful Dominant to serve and doing so makes me feel complete.  I am sure the time will fly by. 

4/17/2009 9:49:39 PM

400 days of chastity

 

Today is the 400th day that Miss has had me locked in chastity.  I first meet Miss January 18, 2008 some 456 day ago.  She locked me up when I left that first time and has done so after each of my visits.  The only time I am left out of the chastity is while serving in her home.   

The chastity is a constant reminder of Miss’s control.  Not a day goes by when it does not remind me of this a dozen time.  Each trip to the bathroom requires me sit so I may shake and dab it clean.  When I sit I do so carefully less something get squished or pinched.  These are moments each day which bring my thoughts to Miss.  Morning and bedtimes are the most challenging as these are times when my mind has quieted and my thoughts can linger on serving Miss and my chastised predicament.   

A lock though my Prince Albert piercing which is secured to the tip of the chastity makes it completely secure.  There is no chance of slipping out.  No feeling penetrates the chastity through the CB-3000.  It covers nearly all my penis in its hard embrace.  It is an odd sensation to manipulate the chastity so painful close to my penis and feel nothing.  Only in the shower when I lather some soap into the chastity and use the shower head to rinse it clear does any feeling slip past the chastity.   

The chastity is both a blessing and curse.  It is a blessing in that I know someone cares enough and desire such control of a fundamental part of me.  It is a curse in that it is sometimes as long as two months between my trips to visit Miss where I will be released from its confines.  It is always most challenging in the middle of such long periods.  When it has been several weeks since being locked away and my flight to visit is still several weeks.  At these moments it has been so long since I have had the grace of serving Miss and will not for a long time to come.   

Some have asked if it diminished erotic thoughts and make one sexless.  While it indeed make one go without sex, I find it fuels the erotic.  When ever I have an erotic thought which causes the slightest swelling I am reminded that Miss controls me in such an intimate way.  This fuels the erotic thoughts rather than diminishing them.   I have often had to get out of bed and walk around to clear my head when caught is such a maddening erotic circle.  

Miss likes the chastity as an encouragement for my speedy return.  I truly would be there each day if it did not take a better part of a day and a week’s wages to get to her.  I must content myself with visiting half a dozen times a year and make the visits as long as I am able, about 10 days.  I am free of the chastity during these brief stints but it is also where her presents make her control of me complete.  I serve with all my being during the week.  Seeing her smile makes me melt.  Miss is generous and after a week of committed service she will bring me to the most shattering orgasm I have ever experience.  This is usually the evening before I am to leave.  After recovering she has me get the chastity once again and I am locked up before bed.  It will be a long two months ahead!


2/21/2009 1:46:31 PM
I am on my way to Oregon and my eighth trip to visit Miss.  As always I am looking forward to my visit there; nine days of commiteed service.  These are times I enjoy as it lets my spirit flow freely.  This time allows me to get firmly estabilished in my routine in serving the household.  My cumulative time in Miss's household over this past year is just over two months.  Everyone enjoys my coming to visit which makes them a joy.


1/1/2009 2:41:30 PM
Its a new year and I am on my way to visit and serve Miss for 10 days.  My best wishes to everyone in the new year. :)

11/19/2008 9:38:14 PM

I had a wonderful trip to visit Miss in early November.  I spent nine days enjoying the opportunity to serve.  This being my sixth trip makes the routine of the household very familiar.  I slipped easily into my service role.  Miss had made a list of duties for me during my last visit which gives me structure while there.  Miss did not need to provide any direction as went about my duties.

It was again wonderful to be in a fully femme space for an extended period of time.  During my time away I move in and out of my femme persona based on the demands of the world.  Usually this means working during the day as a boy before settling in for the evening in a more feminine space.  When serving in Miss’s household I am complete in my feminine headspace.  Everyone there expects this of me and I work hard to keep up my appearance.  The first thing I do is shave and soon after I will have my makeup on.  The last thing I do is remove my makeup after being locked away each night.  In between I am either serving in my maid’s uniform and something changing into casual femme clothes late in the evening.   
Time in chastity:

Miss sent me home locked in chastity as she always does.  I have now gone through airport security 24 times locked in the chastity without setting off the detectors.  I make sure all metal is removed from my person so only the 2 locks and thankfully that small enough amount to pass detection.  My next trip to visit Miss is on New Years Day.  Miss has kept me locked up whenever I am away.  My next trip in New Years Day so For 2008 I will have spent 309 days locked in chastity.  This is the most prolonged use of chastity I have had to endure.  It is the first time I spent the vast majority of a year (85%) locked up.
Thankfully Miss releases me during my visits.  It is her incentive for me to come back soon.  It is good to be out for at least a few days for the skin on my penis to recover.  Being locked up for 6-10 weeks creates some chaffing which takes several days out of the chastity to fully recuperate.  I like to put some lotion on it each days and rub it it in until I get erect.  This circulation helps the long denied tissue heal.  I do like to save my long denied orgasm for Miss.  Invariably this seems to only come on the eve of my leaving.

I have found being in chastity creates a variety of feelings.  It is a frequent reminder of my submission to Miss.  This makes me smile as I think about serving her.  It is frustrating to not have freedoms I once enjoyed.  I have gone from someone who enjoyed leisurely masturbation sessions on a regular basis to being dependant on Miss for periodic release.  It is exciting.  The idea of surrendering such intimate control is arousing and without freedom to touch myself adds to the frustrating aspect.  It also makes a statement to anyone else I may meet in the lifestyle.  I have a few people I had play with or served from time to time.  I notice that most do not desire to continue with me being locked up.  Maybe it dispels any illusion that I am theirs as the chastity makes it clear that someone else controls my sexuality. 


10/30/2008 6:21:14 AM
I will be returning to Oregon to visit Miss again for 9 days.  Being able to serve for 8 or 9 days straight is wonderful.  For the entirety of the trip I live as a femme slave serving the household.  This length of time allows me to get into the routine of the household for a short time.  With so many people and animals under one roof keeping up on the house keeps me busy.  It is always a delight to serve MIss and I cannot wait to get there. 


Miss keeps me in continues to keep me in chastity while away.  I calculated the other day in the 283 days since I first meet Miss, she has kept me locked up in chastity for 254 days.  Looking further back to the time I spent with Ms Lesa, I have been locked up 360 days out of the bast 484 day (the point when I first met Ms Lesa to serve).  I have spent almost a year locked in chastity out of the past 16 months.

8/31/2008 10:58:52 AM
Just about to leave for my visit to Oregon.  Miss has had me locked in chastity 118 out of the last 125 days.  The 7 days out were while at her home during my last visit. 

8/24/2008 6:05:09 AM
I will be heading back to Oregon for an 8 day visit on August 31.  Miss continues to keep me in chastity while away.  Since first visiting her in January 18th, she has kept me locked up in chastity for 192 days.  These have been the longest experience with chastity I have ever faced. 


7/4/2008 5:42:19 AM
It is the Eve of another trip out to Oregon. I am looking forward to being able to serve Miss for 9 days.  It has been longer then I would have hoped between trip.  Miss has me locked in chastity while away so have been locked up for 9 1/2 weeks without any reprieve.  I have learned a lot about strategies to keep things clean.  I never imagined being locked up so long without a break!

I hope everyone enjoys the 4th!

5/7/2008 9:35:24 AM

I had a wonderful trip to Oregon at the end of April.  In two week long trips the kids still accept me as the female friend who acts as Miss’s maid while she stays for the week.  No question of my gender.

 

Miss enjoys me to be in chastity while away to encourage my hasty return.  Each of my two previous periods between visits had been 6 weeks.  These were the longest periods of continues confinement I have had to deal with.  Because of sever projects at work, it will be 9-12 weeks between visits before I can return.  This will be quite a challenge to endure this long period in chastity.  I served on the Hostess's staff at a local event this past weekend.  A true delight to see all the fun BDSM scene, but one that made me keenly aware of the chastity and Miss’s control. 


4/11/2008 7:09:23 AM

My last visit to Oregon was an interesting one.  I was going to be serving for a week and it would be the first time I would meet their family.  They decided to have an experiment and not tell the family about me being transgender to see if they noticed.  I have never been all caught up in the passable issue.  People have often said I was cute and that was good enough for me.  I know I have fooled people on the dance floor for a time.  I am mainly though it as an illusion and will usually be read if I interact with people. 

 

I spent a lot of time with the kids over the week and they completely accepted me simply as diane.  They never asked or seemed puzzled about my gender they whole week.  I thought they might be shy about asking while I was there and even after I left they did not ask about it.


3/28/2008 11:02:19 AM

I have been enjoying the privilege to serve a couple this winter.  I will be going out to visit them for the third time in April.  It has been a wonderful opportunity to get to know a quality couple in the lifestyle.  As with every good opportunity, I find myself learning new things.  I am so pleased to have met them. 


11/25/2007 5:13:59 PM

My desire is to find a household to serve and build an enduring M/s relationship.  I am open to the specific form this may take.  Although relocation is not out of the question, the bar for relocation is set pretty high.  I do have a lot of flexibility in my life and would be able to travel monthly for 4-10 days. 


11/23/2007 3:20:19 PM

my thanks goes out to Mistress Lesa.  i really enjoyed the opportunity to serve Her and learned some new things.  i first chatted with Mistress Lesa in April on Collar me.  After a chatting for a few weeks, She permitted me the honor of coming to visit Her.  My first visit was on the Fourth of July.  Over the next four months i traveled to visit Her 6 times for a total of 42 days. 

 

We connected very well as Mistress and maid.  I was responsible for keeping the house clean, cooking, running household errands and doing various projects to around the house that needed to be attended to.  Most days were filled with the domestic duties one would expect as a maid.  The days were long and i was usually very tired by the end.  Occasionally, i would escort Her to movies or on shopping excursions which offered a break from the regular duties. 

 

Earlier on spent the weekend at Thunder in the Mountains, which is a very fun event.  We had a good time together there and it was a real highlight.

 

The first day i arrived, Ms Lesa locked me in the CB 3000.  i have a special lock for a PA piercing which makes the device completely secure.  Ms Lesa kept me locked in the CB for the next 4 months.  i was without it only for 14 days during this time.  Interestingly i learned that 2 padlocks will NOT set off the airport metal detectors and traveled through them 11 times locked up without incident.  i also learned technique for keeping the CB clean so i could go several weeks without being let out.  Ms Lesa usually released me every 2 to 3 weeks to shave and clean the devise.  Thankfully she usually permitted an orgasm during these times.  i was on a strict time limit.  In the beginning, i was given 5 minutes to have an orgasm before the CB was locked on and by the end it was down to 3 minute.  These short periods were more about release than true satisfaction.  i was very thankful for this little please.

 

Ms Lesa had me sleeping most nights in a large dog cage.  Thankfully She let me modify it so i could slip my legs out so i was able to sleep more comfortable locked in the cage.  This helped me to better function the next day.  Ms Lesa had me set up a time release mechanism so that the key would drop to me at 6:00 am and i could begin my chores before she got up.

 

After 4 months we parted on good terms.  She desired a 24/7 live in slave and after evaluating the situation and our interpersonal dynamic, i did not feel i would be able to serve in this capacity.  On a strict service level it worked very well between us.  It was a hard decision to make but doing so allowed me to be honest with both Ms Lesa and myself.  i really wish Her the very best.  She is a wonderful Mistress and will be perfect for the right slave.

She had me keep a journal. 

 


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